Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: QUEST or REQUEST or BEQUEST at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: June 26, 2021)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using QUEST or REQUEST or BEQUEST at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to TIMING, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best TIMING-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on June 27, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 26, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my QUEST or REQUEST or BEQUEST-rhyme two-verse limerick:

A man was consumed and obsessed
With his passionate study of EST.
He threatened divorce
In order to force
His spouse to embrace the same quest.

His wife in response said, “You’re mad!
And that fad’s turned you into a cad.
It’s controlling your mind.
We’re no longer aligned.
Quit that cult, or I’ll marry your dad.”

And here’s my TIMING-themed limerick:

A pianist who hailed from Venango
Was teaching while munching a mango.
“Your timing is off,”
She said with a scoff:
“It’s a waltz in 3/8; NOT a tango!”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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181 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: QUEST or REQUEST or BEQUEST at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: June 26, 2021)”

  1. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Can’t Write A Joke To Save My Life”

    The Grandfather Clock is now chiming.
    This next line is only for rhyming.
    This limerick verse
    Is now getting much worse.
    Don’t blame me, I just have bad timing.

  2. Lisi Nortman says:

    Timing

    Oh how, they were joyfully prancing.
    They thought they were truly entrancing.
    The music then ended.
    The wedding was splendid.
    And Gertrude and Sam were still dancing.

  3. P Diane Schneider says:

    R. I. P.

    While hosting a lively fest
    He signed a most generous bequest
    Disheriting kin
    And all of his men
    (Had been done at the widow’s behest)

  4. Rudy Landesman says:

    Don Giovanni absorbed in his quest
    In doing the thing he knew best,
    Seducing gals gladly.
    It all ended badly.
    I won’t bore you. You DO know the rest.

  5. Rudy Landesman says:

    I once made a serious request.
    I asked her to NOT get undressed.
    You might think me rude,
    But when in the nude,
    The lady had hair on her chest.

  6. Lisi Nortman says:

    To my wife, I so fondly bequest
    A commitment which must be addressed.
    I’ve paid only a portion
    Of what’s owed for extortion.
    My behest is she pay off the rest.

  7. Rudy Landesman says:

    It takes timing to be first in line
    With limericks always divine.
    She makes it look easy.
    The Gods all love Lisi.
    Dionysus sends her some wine.

  8. Steve Frakt says:

    I will finally achieve my quest
    When Mad Kane chooses mine as the best
    I should be the winner
    I’m no rank beginner
    As all of my friends can attest

  9. Steve Benko says:

    Said Arthur, “Gwen, this is my chance,
    For the Grail is the stuff of romance.
    I’m the one on a quest,
    So I’ve got a request:
    Please try not to get pricked by a lance.”

  10. Steve Benko says:

    Here’s on on both the rhyming word and the theme:

    I dreamed I received this bequest
    From no less of a star than Mae West:
    “As my time is now up,
    For the way he would schtupp,
    I am leaving Steve Benko my chest.”

  11. Lisi Nortman says:

    Timing: Show Business

    To tell a good joke you should state
    Something tempting and then you must wait.
    Take a 2 second rest,
    Then deliver the best.
    Start all over again with the “straight”

  12. Steve Benko says:

    “This century’s really bad timing,
    For I’m lousy at balcony climbing,”
    Said Romeo. “Dear,
    In some far future year,
    We’d have FaceTime, and great sex be miming.”

  13. Lisi Nortman says:

    Some hunters are eager to kill
    The deer, and they think it’s a skill.
    But the timing of deer
    Is laughably clear.
    When danger is near, they stand still.

  14. Tony Holmes says:

    Second sons, by tradition, less blest,
    Were compelled to set out on their quest
    To find fortune and fame,
    Though a few, who lacked shame,
    Said, “I’ll marry for money when pressed.”

  15. Lisi Nortman says:

    Request and REALLY BAD Timing: The “Heidi” Catastrophe:1968
    (Who can ever forget?)

    The Raiders and Jets, what a game!
    What happened was one goddam shame.
    At the anchor’s request,
    Not a soul was impressed.
    N.B.C. was the network to blame.

  16. Lisi Nortman says:

    The firing squad was about
    To kill Peter, who started to shout:
    “I have one last request.
    Will you all do your best
    To forget about wiping me out?”

  17. Terry Marter says:

    Write a Lim’rick ‘bout Timing, you say.
    I’ll Get onto That right away.
    I’ve got Fourteen days’ time
    To write the best rhyme.
    Well, – Twelve, -if I Don’t count today.

  18. Lisi Nortman says:

    To my wife, I do hereby bequeath
    A beautiful intertwined wreath.
    And to Grandpa, a brush
    That’s amazing plush,
    Cause not once did this man brush his teeth.

  19. Terry Marter says:

    Write a Lim’rick ’bout Timing, I read
    as I Sat, with blank mind, by my bed.
    There’s One from last Week
    l could Maybe repeat
    But No ideas Come, (as I Said).

  20. Roger Haugen says:

    Crowed the son, “At last I’ve been blest,
    ‘I’m rich from our father’s bequest.”
    Imagine the chill
    When they opened the will:
    “You get one dollar, our brother the rest.”

  21. Roger Haugen says:

    When his wife made a simple request
    To get all his suits cleaned and pressed,
    He shot her a look
    And laughed til he shook–
    “You’re asking me? Shirley, you jest.”

  22. Roger Haugen says:

    What is it about the word “timing”
    That resists all my efforts at rhyming?
    I sit here in sorrow,
    Can’t beg, steal or borrow–
    I guess my poor brain just needs priming.

  23. Terry Marter says:

    When my crazy aunt hits the dance floor
    Inhibitions go straight out the door.
    She’ll Flail and she’ll sing
    To that Dave Brubeck swing
    While trying to waltz in 5/4!

  24. Lisi Nortman says:

    To my daughter, I here by bequest
    My estate, (it’s a great place to rest)
    The dregs of the group
    May have all my pea soup.
    Cause they think that they all are possessed.

  25. Lisi Nortman says:

    Corrected Limerick: (L5)

    To my daughter, I hereby bequest
    My estate, (it’s a good place to rest.)
    And the dregs of the group
    May have all my pea soup.
    Cause I think that they all are possessed.

  26. Lisi Nortman says:

    Corrected Limerick (L5) (June 12. 8:52 PM)

    To my wife, I so fondly bequest
    A commitment which must be addressed.
    I’ve paid only a portion
    Of what’s owed for extortion.
    And suggest that you pay off the rest.

  27. Terry Marter says:

    Getting knighted on Buck’ Palace green
    He mis-timed his approach to the Queen.
    Tripping, (raised sword in place)
    he head-butted her face
    And since then has never been seen!

  28. Terry Marter says:

    Often Ran up the very high stair
    to jump Down to a Huge bag of air
    But in May, Not au fait
    With the maintenance day
    Looked for bag from mid-air. Wasn’t There!

  29. Terry Marter says:

    Corrected version of June 13. 10.13pm

    Getting Knighted on Buck’ Palace green
    He mis-Timed his approach to the Queen.
    Tripping, (Raised sword in place)-
    head-Butted her Face
    And since Then, he has Never been Seen!

  30. Terry Marter says:

    THE original bad timing (imho).

    With a smile and a fresh fig-leaf thong
    Eve wandered the jungle (for Kong?)
    She soon was detected
    By Homo Erected
    Now I Ask: What ON EARTH could go wrong?

  31. Terry Marter says:

    More Bible frivolity, – Adam/Eve Equality?

    Adam: “Hey God, what’s my Fate?”
    God: “Good Timing, – I’ll Make you a Mate,
    with Two Tits and a Twat,
    from your Rib!” (How cool’s That!?)
    “Now get Busy you Two, – Populate!”

  32. Steve Benko says:

    “Your timing is off when you squirt,”
    In bed complained Ernie to Bert.
    “I’m just getting going,
    And there you are crowing,
    While I’ve got a stain on my shirt.”

  33. Dear Florida: I have a request.
    In two months, I’ll be your guest.
    Is it too much to give
    if you just let me live.
    I’ll stay in my room, hide and rest!

  34. Fred Bortz says:

    A math teacher’s final bequest
    Was expressed in the form of a test:
    “Don’t be sad; be a hero.
    Divide laughter by zero.
    Inter me with infinite jest.”

  35. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Correct Timing

    Mr. Louis Pasteur calmed his woes
    When he told all the docs, “Don’t expose
    Your patients to dirt.
    I’ve put out an alert:
    “Close ’em up first, and THEN pick your nose.”

  36. Lisi Nortman says:

    My name’s Frosty, and here’s my bequest:
    I leave everything I have possessed
    To my wife, (a good soul)
    A nice piece of coal,
    And a carrot. (Hon, that is my best)

  37. Rudy Landesman says:

    Oops. I put the stress on the wrong syllable in “Dionysus”. (Those Gods are all Greek to me.) Here is a revision.

    It takes timing to be first in line
    With limericks always divine.
    She makes it look easy.
    The Gods smile on Lisi.
    Dionysus will toast her with wine.

  38. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’m confused ’bout my Grandpa’s bequest.
    This document leaves me quite stressed:
    “I leave you my gems.
    They’re somewhere in the Thames.
    So dive in and keep swimming due west.”

  39. Rudy Landesman says:

    007 was off on a quest
    In search of martinis, the best,
    That were made by the book,
    Simply stirred, never shook.
    With an olive and no lemon zest.

  40. Lisi Nortman says:

    Not exactly true, Rudy, but thanks!
    I just now wrote Mad a “Facebook Confession”

    “Timing”

    Dear Rudy, your timing’s superb.
    I sure hope I didn’t perturb
    Our Mad, she now knows
    I was not on my toes.
    Cuz I thought that bequest was a verb.

  41. Lisi Nortman says:

    Stand Up Comedy: set up and punch line
    “Timing”

    If you want real tremendous applause,
    You will get them, but only because
    You told your joke right.
    It was sure “outta’ sight”
    And you’ve mastered the “art of the pause”

  42. Tim James says:

    She crafted brassieres by request,
    And her products were known as the best.
    They were comfy all day,
    All her clients would say.
    Of their needs she was keeping abreast.

    But she needed a loan. It was just
    At that time that her Savings and Trust
    Jacked their int’rest rates high
    So her cash flow went dry.
    And her company, sadly, went bust.

  43. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hi Lisi,
    A timely alert. That at least.
    Your grandpa was truly a beast.
    T’would be a fool’s errant
    To swim ‘gainst the current.
    The Thames flows due South and then East.

    (Sorry, an imperfect rhyme)

  44. Lisi Nortman says:

    Thank you, Rudy. and now for an idea you just gave me!
    “Mean Grandpa”

    I’m confused about Grandpa’s bequest.
    This document makes me quite stressed:
    “I leave you my gems
    They’re somewhere in the Thames.
    So dive in and keep swimming due west.”

    The day I was swimming due west
    Was surely an unfulfilled quest.
    All I saw was a smelt
    And he gave me a belt.
    To this day, I’ve a pain in my chest.

  45. Lisi Nortman says:

    Timing

    I must tell you about my sweet Pop.
    This man was the “cream of the crop”
    He could sure “cut a rug”
    And Mom gave him a hug,
    As they waltzed to the beat of the bop.

  46. Terry Marter says:

    My fanatical fitness friend Chuck
    Let loose in the park, ran amuck.
    Jumped streams like a toad
    Ran onto the road
    And was killed by a large health-food truck.

  47. Lisi Nortman says:

    quest and timing : a rehearsal for tomorrow’s presentation:

    A Rehearsal For Tomorrow’s Seminar, using “quest and “timing”
    “The Laundry Maven”

    I have finally ended my quest.
    I’m presenting a “Stain Remove” test:
    Number one, “rinse the mud”
    Number two, “wash the blood”
    And THEN pull the knife from his chest.

  48. Kirk Miller says:

    When the stripper’s on stage fully dressed,
    You can bet that she’ll be on a quest
    To remove blouse and bra
    With some moves that are raw.
    She has something to get off her chest.

  49. Bob Turvey says:

    As Jason commenced his great quest
    The Argonauts were quite impressed
    When he yoked both fire-ox,
    Killed the soldiers with rocks,
    And the sleepless guard-dragon suppressed.

  50. Bob Turvey says:

    1960 – a record is climbin’
    The charts – and the title’s GOOD TIMIN’.
    On TV, Jimmy Jones,
    Prances dances and moans –
    His mis-timin’s show that he’s mimin’.

  51. Terry Marter says:

    Corrected/replacement version of June 14. 7.38pm

    My fanatical fitness friend Chuck
    Let loose in the park, ran amuck.
    In full heart-rate mode
    Ran onto the road
    And was killed by a large health-food truck.

  52. Terry Marter says:

    A well-timed whisper.

    On bus rides I look kind of funny
    With a brown paper bag on my tummy.
    But It keeps the seat clear
    If a stranger comes near
    When I whisper “Did You bring the money?”

  53. Lisi Nortman says:

    Timing: Mary and John At Church

    We read from the prayer book on Sundays.
    But Sundays are truly not fun days.
    Cause I am real small,
    And John is real tall.
    So we always return it on Mondays.

  54. Terry Marter says:

    When the Queen’s dress malfunctioned at Marden
    She diverted the stares, to the garden.
    “With No more ado
    Please enjoy this great view”
    As her horse wandered through, with a hard’n.

  55. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Never Give Up!”

    I continue my arduous quest
    To locate the world’s very best
    Potato knish
    It’s my resolute wish.
    My shrink says I’m “strangely obsessed”

  56. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Military Lead-Off Step (Timing)

    I sadly just couldn’t keep up.
    I felt like a thick-headed pup.
    Always missed that first step.
    And felt like a schlep.
    Each time, I forgot ’bout the hup.

  57. Sondra Landin says:

    My audience applauded with zest;
    An encore was their loud request;
    With a deep tired sigh
    I played Brahms Lullaby,
    And crawled under the piano-to rest!

    (in my blue tulle dress, of course)

  58. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Man of La Mancha” “The Impossible Dream”

    Don Quixote was rather obsessed.
    Cause he wanted to “follow his quest”
    Richard Kiley, the star
    Actually didn’t go far.
    He merely went backstage to rest.

  59. Sondra Landin says:

    Uncle’s made an unwritten bequest
    To me alone, not to the rest;
    My aunt looks and looks
    Through his stacks of old books;
    Hasn’t found the big stash – I can attest!

  60. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Swatch Watch” (Swiss watchmaker, founded in 1983, only part that’s true)
    Location of limerick: New York (or any) subway station bathroom.
    “Timing”

    “Hey Man, wanna’ buy a nice watch?
    All your buddies will think it’s a “Swatch”
    It don’t keep good time
    But for only one dime,
    You’ll be wearin’ a gem that’s topnotch.”

  61. Sondra Landin says:

    Correction of Line 5 of limerick submitted at 2:37 today And Line 3

    Uncle’s made an unwritten bequest
    To me alone, not to the rest;
    My aunt looks and she looks
    Through his stacks of old books;
    Hasn’t found the big stash – I attest!

  62. Sondra Landin says:

    For decades it’s been my great wish
    To prepare a most succulent dish,
    But in my long quest
    For the right lemon zest,
    Please guess what expired – yes, the fish!

  63. Dave Johnson says:

    (33 years ago…)

    Her friend had arranged a blind date
    To meet her but he showed up late.
    By then, just by chance,
    I had asked her to dance;
    How timing re-structured our fate.

  64. Sondra Landin says:

    Another spoiled meal in the pot;
    My good timing for this one was not.
    The sauce would not drown
    Those veggies so brown,
    And the meat was reduced to a clot.

  65. Rudy Landesman says:

    My friends, I’ve an urgent request.
    Put the lim’ricks you write to the test.
    And if they’re obscene,
    (You’ll know what I mean)
    It’s best that you put them to rest.

    My lim’ricks are rated first class.
    They’re timely and smart, never crass.
    No four-letter word
    Will ever be heard.
    On that you can bet your sweet ass.

  66. Terry Marter says:

    I like funny Limericks when ‘clean’
    and also when somewhat obscene.
    But, (good timing given)
    Love those that have driven
    those Prudes to be Venting their Spleen.

  67. Sondra Landin says:

    Correction for limerick submitted 6/15 5:30 pm. Line 2

    Another spoiled meal in the pot;
    My good timing for this one was shot.
    The sauce would not drown
    Those veggies so brown,
    And the meat was reduced to a clot!

  68. Lisi Nortman says:

    Corrected Limerick from June 15th. 2:08PM
    “Man of La Mancha” “The Impossible Dream”

    So determined to follow his quest,
    Don Quixote was rather obsessed.
    Though his thoughts were bizarre,
    He didn’t get far.
    He merely went backstage to rest.

  69. Lisi Nortman says:

    The prisoner, soon to be dead
    Had lowered his very sad head.
    He had one last request:
    “For my ultimate rest,
    Can you get me a Sleep Number Bed?”

  70. Terry Marter says:

    A notion that once got me going
    Was to write the most pristine-clean poem.
    Persevered with my quest,
    Gave my absolute best
    But the fucking thing just wouldn’t rhyme.

    (Sorry, can’t help myself sometimes)

  71. Terry Marter says:

    An attempt to atone (see previous)

    A glimmer of light gives a hint,
    window’s open, – a faint smell of mint.
    Worker Bees on their quest
    with their buzz and their zest
    Tending blossoms with colourful tint

    What a perfectly timed summer dawn
    Now the songbirds are signalling morn’
    Full-on sun, – warm and kind,
    Sees us pull down the blind
    Then go open a beer and watch porn!

  72. Sondra Landin says:

    I plan as great writers all should;
    My timing and rhyming are good;
    I’ve missed nary a beat
    And my story line’s neat,
    So why am I not understood?

    (no gripe intended)

  73. Sondra Landin says:

    My friend thinks that I’m a big pest;
    I repeatedly state, not in jest,
    “Don’t toss out your mask,
    That’s all that I ask,
    ‘Cause from you I don’t want a bequest!”

  74. Dave Johnson says:

    That My Pillow dude was upset;
    His Trump rally still hadn’t yet
    Seen the flyover jets.
    That’s as good as it gets
    When you’re placing the Former Guy’s bet.

  75. Dave Johnson says:

    “I have just one simple request.”
    She said to her overnight guest.
    “When you get up to go,
    Give a tug on my toe;
    Then kiss me and I’ll do the rest.”

  76. Rudy Landesman says:

    Adolescents and geezers alike
    Inappropriately often will strike.
    They think they are flirty
    When they’re talking dirty.
    It’s time that they just take a hike.

  77. Lisi Nortman says:

    Yet another bill from Nicor Gas Co.

    Dear Nicor, I have a request.
    Stop sending me bills; you’re a pest.
    You claim I have gas .
    How dare you be crass?
    I assume this will soon be addressed.

  78. Terry Marter says:

    It’s always just after I ‘Send’
    That I think of a far better End.
    The amended appendage
    With much improved endage
    Is finally mended and Penned.

  79. Lisi Nortman says:

    Way Back When: Bad Timing!

    We high school girls tried being calm.
    And act with real perfect aplomb.
    But it sure was a shame
    That each time it came,
    It was always the night of the prom.

  80. Lisi Nortman says:

    That didn’t make sense! Try again

    We high school girls tried to be calm.
    And act with real perfect aplomb.
    But all of us knew
    What was bound to be true:
    We would get it the night of the prom.

  81. Clay Wild says:

    So some pirates make ‘booty’ their quest
    Or with shaved wooden legs they’re obsessed
    Two abreast (vs. ‘tush’)
    More than one in the bush
    Aye, you’re apt to strike gold – treasure chest!

  82. Tim Gray says:

    Is Melania still on her quest
    Something about “Be Best”?
    Well she should tell her spouse
    Be a man, not a louse
    And concede the election contest.

  83. Tim Gray says:

    Trump’s lost to the populous twice
    And he’s aiming on making it thrice.
    It seems that his quest
    Is a flagellation test,
    Total humiliation the final price.

  84. Tim Gray says:

    When you undertake your quest
    Do not decide on second best.
    Don’t succumb to the dash
    Wham, bang, wallop and crash,
    Sure, slow and steady beats the rest.

  85. Tim Gray says:

    Timing?

    “There’s nothing new under the Sun”,
    Is as wrong as all sayings come.
    At each second’s change
    All does rearrange…
    Time changes and can’t be undone.

  86. Tim Gray says:

    Trump, at his own behest
    Has been busy feathering his nest.
    He has steadfastly refused
    And cried, “Falsely accused!”
    To fulfil a taxed-income request.

  87. Clay Wild says:

    Yes, with Lim’ricks it’s ALL about TIMING
    Accents, meter, and flow can trump rhyming
    Add some humor and wit
    For a synergic fit
    5th line ‘GONG’ is the goal, not just ‘chiming’

  88. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    There are times I feel zest for a quest,
    But the questions I have get me stressed.
    Is it best done outside?
    Must I slog? May I ride?
    And when questing, how should one be dressed?

    What abuse might my searching entail?
    To be blunt, must I hunt tooth and nail?
    Should I make a bequest
    Before leaving my nest
    Lest I fail the whole test? — Holy Grail!

  89. Clay Wild says:

    World Conscience 3-for:

    So if seeking THE TRUTH is your quest
    As the man on the cross did bequest
    Thou shalt end ‘human’ lenience
    In the form of convenience
    From pro-choice to pro-life, by request…

  90. Lisi Nortman says:

    “So Much In Common” (Timing)

    Found each other at just the right time!
    He was handsome and simply sublime!
    We met in the clink.
    And what a great link!
    We committed the very same crime!

  91. Lisi Nortman says:

    True Fact: The Importance Of The Timing Of Dribbling In Basketball Is Crucial.

    A one an’ a two, just keep dribbling.
    The coach knows what’s best, so no quibbling.
    Your team’s lost the game.
    And you are to blame.
    You cannot just stop and start nibbling.

  92. Terry Marter says:

    Good Day, how are You, my name’s Bevan
    Your time passed, – you’re in limerick heaven,
    Where you’ll always be fine,-
    The free wine is divine.
    But the not-so-good news
    (While enjoying your booze)
    Your quota of lines is now seven.

  93. Lisi Nortman says:

    Amniotic Blues: “The Drama Queen”

    I’m timing the pains, oh, I’m weak!
    So scared that I’m just gonna’ freak!
    What the hell’s this warm stream?
    Pardon me, if I scream.
    Oh my God! I have just sprung a leak.

  94. Terry Marter says:

    Mom’s timing, – conniving?

    Left her gold chest to brother and me
    Though she knew he had stolen the key
    The chest, – her bequest
    is in far Budapest.
    She left spare key & ticket, – to Me!

  95. Tim Gray says:

    Joseph Campbell, may his name be blessed,
    Taught us of myths of the heroes quest.
    He taught us, in the stories he told,
    Of young men so brave and so bold
    Surpassing a life challenging test.

  96. Tim Gray says:

    Added some extra punctuation

    Joseph Campbell, may his name be blessed,
    Taught us of myths of the heroes quest.
    He taught us, in the stories he told,
    Of young men, so brave and so bold,
    Surpassing a life challenging test.

  97. Rudy Landesman says:

    Oops, another typo. June 14, 5:07 pm
    “errand” instead of “errant”. Sorry, not a good rhyme.

    A timely alert. That at least.
    Your grandpa was truly a beast.
    T’would be a fool’s errand
    To swim ‘gainst the current.
    The Thames flows due South and then East.

  98. Rudy Landesman says:

    I once had a serious request.
    My mom had for long been at rest.
    No, it wasn’t her cough.
    A sneeze carried her off.
    I askled that by God she’d be blessed.

  99. Terry Marter says:

    They played crap at the disco last night
    The DJ was high as a kite
    “Do we have a request?”
    I said “give it a rest!”
    And that’s how I got in the fight.

  100. Daisy ward says:

    The man made a simple request
    For lunch to be place on his desk
    When it wasn’t done
    He snatched someone else’s bun
    Then ends up in one hot mess

  101. Rudy Landesman says:

    Another typo. (June 17, 10:50 pm)

    I once had a serious request
    My mom had for long been at rest.
    No, it wasn’t her cough.
    A sneeze carried her off.
    I asked that by God she’d be blessed.

  102. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Bite your tongue?

    “I can walk and chew gum — both at once!”
    Is an adage my good sense confronts.
    When a Pol of some note
    Chimes right in with this quote,
    Then I fear we’ve elected a dunce.

  103. Lisi Nortman says:

    “It’s All Right With Me” (Frank Sinatra) “Timing” The Actual Lyrics:

    “It’s the wrong time, and the wrong place,
    Though your face is charming, it’s the wrong face.
    It’s not her face, but such a charming face
    That it’s all right with me”

    My limerick version:

    “The wrong time, the wrong place, real nice face.
    So maybe, perhaps in this case,
    We can both sneak away
    But just for a day.
    I can’t wait. You’re so cute. Don’t tell Grace.”

  104. Dave Johnson says:

    (From the weird news dept.)

    Here’s Catwoman talking with glee:
    “He’s more than a hero to me.
    Just simply the best
    To fulfill a request;
    As cunning a linguist as he”.

  105. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Unchained Melody” The Righteous Brothers: Part Of The Actual Lyrics:
    “Timing”

    “Oh my love, my darling, I’ve hungered for your touch
    A long, lonely time.
    Time goes by so slowly, and time can do so much. Are you still mine?”

    My limerick lyrics: “( 1 day later) “Time Did A Lot”

    “My darling, it’s been a short time.
    Used to think you were really sublime.
    Time doesn’t go slow.
    And I want you to know:
    Guess who’s no more in love with you? I’m”

  106. Dave Johnson says:

    She entered a bunch of romances;
    Some starting with giggles and glances.
    True love was her quest;
    With none passing the test,
    She’s sorry she blew all her chances.

  107. Dave Johnson says:

    (Corrected version – 06-18 4:24 pm)

    Here’s Catwoman talking with glee:
    “He’s more than a hero to me.
    His timing, the beat;
    You’re just not going to meet
    As cunning a linguist as he.”

  108. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    A stud who found strokes most appealing,
    After sex, asked his date, “How ya’ feeling?”
    “I’d say as for the boff,
    Seems your timing is off,”
    Came a tight little voice from the ceiling.

  109. Lisi Nortman says:

    A Revised “Heidi Disaster” 1968: Raiders and Jets. If you watched it, no explanation is needed. “Request” and the most OUTRAGEOUS timing in sports history.

    2 touchdowns, and that was the game.
    No one sees it, and wow! what a shame.
    At the anchor’s request,
    Those 2 seconds get messed.
    And Little Swiss Miss is to blame.

  110. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oops! line 4 is wrong: 1968 Raiders VS Jets DISASTER!

    2 touchdowns, and that was the game!
    No one sees it, and what a damn shame.
    At the anchor’s request,
    The end gets all messed.
    And Little Swiss Miss is to blame.

  111. Dave Johnson says:

    His job at the factory dock
    Was strenuous – hard as a rock.
    But hip-hip-hooray,
    It’s retirement day!
    He started by punching the clock.

  112. Careful reading of the old man’s bequest,
    left the wife very little, and distressed.
    Her best years had swiftly past,
    with grim future surely cast.
    Because Rover, received all of the rest.

  113. How do you write about time,
    get all the words that rhyme.
    Throw into a blender,
    mix well with bartender.
    The first word smoothie, sublime.

  114. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Begged a flea of a dog, “One request —
    You roll over and I bite your chest.”
    In the act the flea died,
    But the dog simply sighed,
    “Maybe now you’ll stop being a pest.”

  115. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Hi, Terry — I very much enjoyed your poetry in “A glimmer of light….”

    I would say of your verses symbolic,
    Linking birds, bees, and man in their frolic,
    You have mastered a quest
    In your limerick jest,
    Making both beer and porn seem bucolic!

  116. Lisi Nortman says:

    I frequently hear this request
    That a lot of folks always suggest.
    People never convey
    Or be bothered to say
    That somebody “gives your their best.”

  117. Lisi Nortman says:

    A commercial that’s now on T.V.
    Is one that I’d rather not see.
    I wrote this request,
    “Though this poor guy can’t rest,
    I don’t care ’bout his problems with pee.”

  118. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Cilantro, Saffron, Peppercorn, and Of Course, Grains Of Paradise Dilemma

    It was nice, so we ate in the shade.
    But OH! what this waiter conveyed!
    I was forced to request,
    “Though the food here’s the best,
    Please stop yakin’ about how it’s made”

  119. Dave Johnson says:

    (corrected version #2 06-18 4:24 pm)

    Here’s Catwoman talking with glee:
    “He’s more than a hero to me.
    His timing, the beat;
    You never will meet
    As cunning a linguist as he.”

  120. Lisi Nortman says:

    Timing

    For you, Jane, my heart’s always yearning.
    At this moment, you surely are turning
    Me on, now get ready.
    I beg you, keep steady.
    “Excuse me, my pot roast is burning”

  121. It has been expressed, as our guest,
    we have one big enforced request.
    Restaurant service declined,
    when your clothing’s not aligned.
    Includes, when completely undressed.

  122. Tim Gray says:

    In and then out of fashion,
    From ho-hum to a raging passion.
    If you’re quick off the mark
    With the latest spark
    You can really do well if you cash in.

  123. Terry Marter says:

    Hi Sjaan

    Thank you Sjaan for your very kind words
    On my rhyme about booze, porn and birds.
    Rural scene poem quest?
    Plural drinks help the best, –
    Muffet’s whey was with vodka and
    curds.

  124. Tim James says:

    I attempted to hit on a nurse
    But my timing could not have been worse.
    I had started to flirt
    When she jabbed me. It hurt,
    And my urges began to disperse.

  125. Lisi Nortman says:

    Grandpa Gave Me The Wrong Directions

    It states in my Grandpa’s bequest:
    “With you, I have been so impressed.
    I leave you my gems
    They’re somewhere in the Thames
    Dive in and start swimming due west.”

    So Then:
    The day I was swimming due west
    Was one of an unfulfilled quest.
    All I found was a smelt,
    And it gave me a belt.
    To this day, I’ve a pain in my chest.

  126. Lisi Nortman says:

    Bob Recalls (Timing)

    Missed my wedding, and now I am old.
    I had promised her “silver and gold.”
    Didn’t make it on time.
    It sure was a crime.
    Couldn’t help it, I still was on hold.

  127. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Unusual Timing”

    This morning, I sure had a fit.
    So astonished, I have to admit.
    I was reading the news,
    And it gave me the blues,
    When I noticed my lengthy obit.

  128. Terry Marter says:

    “You‘ve stuffed up the end of line three”
    MY LIM’S TALKING! Now How can that Be?
    “You have written ‘Behest’
    Where it Should say Bequest.
    Next Time, leave the whole thing to Me”.

  129. Terry Marter says:

    On Wining and Timing 🥂

    The winemaker Shamus McPhee
    Was found dead in a vat of Chablis.
    The forensic team found
    That although he had drowned
    He had climbed out six times for a Pee.

  130. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    If remembering jokes is your quest,
    Let me tell you, the short ones are best.
    And you’ll pick up your pace,
    If you cut to the chase —
    Punchline first, then forget all the rest.

  131. Rudy Landesman says:

    Pentameter timing is neat
    For poets in need of five feet.
    This line just needs two.
    So what’s there to do
    With leftover words? Must I eat?

  132. Tim Gray says:

    The Republican Party’s new quest
    Is which looney idea is best
    Should we still go with Trump
    Though he caused us to slump
    Or give a new leader a test?

    Is it safe to be seen
    Talking to Marjorie Greene
    And is Ted Cruz
    Destined to lose,
    Is to vote suppress a wise scheme?

    Secretly we know that Trump lost
    Just make sure that he isn’t crossed,
    So we make this request,
    Not even in jest,
    Venture his votes were out grossed.

  133. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I write with this acrid request:
    Don’t say MUSTARD — not even in jest.
    Now I’m smelling the stuff!
    Yes, phantosmia’s rough.
    (Well, at least I got that off my chest).

  134. Lisi Nortman says:

    I don’t know anyone who didn’t see this! It’s a real easy quiz.

    He was young and sure feeling much pain.
    He loved her, no need to explain.
    With the world’s CLOSEST timing,
    The church bells stopped chiming.
    As he banged away screaming, “ELAINE!”

  135. Dave Johnson says:

    The Former Guy had a request:
    “Would you tell me I’m always the best?”
    Melania’s laugh
    Even woke up the staff;
    “At what – is this some kind of test?”

  136. Terry Marter says:

    Memo to self:

    When your rhyming and timing’s a mess
    Keep ideas that you like to caress, –
    that are clever and Punny
    with a Punch-line that’s Funny, –
    Less cerebral, – more K.I.S.S.

  137. Lisi Nortman says:

    The most precise timing. A skill for “the few”

    You have finally learned to jump rope.
    Now don’t climb up that slippery slope.
    You’ll need more than one crutch
    If you try “Double Dutch”
    So stay put on the ground, where’s there’s hope.

  138. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Falling In Love” a 1984 film starring Meryl Streep and Robert De Niro

    By chance, they both took the same train.
    Perfect timing, not hard to explain.
    My problem’s the title,
    (In films, very vital)
    What genius came up with this name?

  139. Lisi Nortman says:

    I just noticed the rhyming error in above limerick, line 5
    I shall attempt to fix it.

    “Falling In Love” a 1984 film starring Meryl Streep and Robert De Niro

    By chance, they both took the same train.
    Perfect timing, no need to explain.
    My problem’s the title.
    (In films, very vital)
    Who came up with this name? What a brain!

  140. Mark Totterdell says:

    His new jet power system, he reckoned,
    Would make him a fortune. Fame beckoned.
    He crouched, legs apart
    And set fire to a fart
    And flew forward at six miles a second.

  141. Terry Marter says:

    To explain In this limerick I’m writing
    ‘bout bad timing, could be somewhat blighting.
    In a lim’rick comp’tition
    A dodgy rendition
    Shouldn’t be the example I’m citing.

  142. Dave Johnson says:

    For drummers, it’s keeping the beat
    With both of their hands and their feet.
    When timing’s precise,
    It will always suffice;
    If not, then they might lose their seat.

  143. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Greedy heirs will not rest till they wrest,
    From my breast, closely pressed, my bequest.
    Holy moly, Amen!
    I have played them again —
    No one guessed this was only a test!

  144. Dave Johnson says:

    Lisi – Des Moines IA viewers of the U.S. Open on Sunday had their “Heidi” moment also:

    The golfer was making his shot;
    A putt that the camera caught.
    As it rolled toward the cup,
    TV signaled “Times up!”
    And viewer reaction was HOT.

  145. Terry Marter says:

    Kitchen timer was set to “Not Sure”.
    Much later: Huge bang then one more.
    We’re all safe and sound
    But we still haven’t found
    Our cat or the microwave door.

  146. Terry Marter says:

    Times have changed. (What, no eggs?)

    The audience cannot believe
    This performance so dull and naive
    A few moments pause
    Precedes scant applause
    Then they all smile politely and Leave.

  147. Tim Gray says:

    I’m so erudite and so clever,
    A better President? No never.
    I give as my bequest
    An Apprentice Contest
    So my memory will go on forever.

  148. Lisi Nortman says:

    My Girl

    They surely were singing sensations.
    Their dance moves had cool variations.
    With such timing PERFECTIONS,
    In different directions.
    (Who other than Motown’s “Temptations?”)

  149. Tony Holmes says:

    There are ladies who call by request
    And oblige, doing what they do best.
    I’ve a laundress, Ms Took,
    Wields an iron and can cook,
    And another, Ms Vamp, for the rest.

  150. Terry Marter says:

    An ill-timed remark.

    Got caught with their sails not unfurled
    The mate Quipped “Not the end of the World”
    Crew laughed at his ‘pledge’
    Ship fell off the edge.
    Now they’re drifting in space with toes curled.

  151. Tim James says:

    He regarded her body with zest
    As he openly ogled her chest.
    When she’d had quite enough
    Of such juvenile stuff
    “Eyes up here!” was her angry request.

  152. Young man’s quest, be mentioned in a will.
    so he married someone old, sick and shrill,
    Poison her, or cut bait,
    killed her, tired of wait.
    Why, that bitter old pill, left her spouse nil.

  153. A young woman made a request
    To cupid to give it a rest
    “I’ve had hubbies three
    Who were no good to me
    And your arrows have damaged my breast”

  154. He left me a generous bequest
    By which you may say I’ve been blessed.
    A mansion, a car
    Harem in Qatar
    But wait till I tell you the rest.

  155. Lisi Nortman says:

    Corrected Limerick: “My Girl” (from June 23rd. at 12:55 AM

    They surely were singing sensations.
    Their dance moves had cool variations:
    The timing PERFECTION
    And harmonic connection
    Created the brilliant “Temptations”

  156. Lisi Nortman says:

    Eve’nin darlin’,my chorus was swinging.
    Don’t know why, but my ears are still ringing.
    I keep thinking ’bout Jack:
    The kid in the back.
    (I wonder what song he was singing)

  157. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Though I’ve tried to go off on a quest
    To give constant connection a rest,
    Seems there’s no hemisphere
    Where I don’t end up HERE —
    On-call at my cell phone’s behest.

  158. Jean McEwen says:

    When you give two new sex toys a test
    To see which, for a bang, works the best,
    You most surely will fail
    ‘Cause there’s no holy grail.
    So you may as well give up the quest.

  159. Jean McEwen says:

    I’ve been thinking, of late, how the timing
    Of church bells – the way they start chiming
    Each day at high noon,
    A predictable tune….
    (This week’s theme word facilitates rhyming.)

  160. Rudy Landesman says:

    I was ordered — It was no request —
    To wear a real suit with a vest.
    But in my own way
    I still won the day.
    I just left my trousers unpressed.

  161. Rudy Landesman says:

    There once was a sleazy old wanker
    For sex slightly kinky he’d hanker.
    His timing was great.
    He found a new date,
    Who was glad he just wanted to spank her

  162. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Serendipity” “You Look Tired” (Timing)

    Predestined to meet on a train,
    Here’s the plot, so please let me explain:
    His pick-up line worked,
    And somehow it perked
    Her up, cause she’s now Mrs. Kane.

    **********

    From Mad:
    An accurate bio detail, indeed.

  163. Rudy Landesman says:

    The internet’s timely and glorious
    In matters epistolatorious.
    Thus, amorous females
    Receive many e-males
    And intercourse is less laborious

  164. Lisi Nortman says:

    Up the limerick ladder, I’m climbing.
    Years ago, didn’t understand “timing”
    And I finally know
    That to be a real pro,
    You must never rhyme rhyming with rhyming.

  165. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Emergency Room Collapse: (Timing) “One, Two, Huh?”

    It was tragic and sad as could be.
    On the floor, there lay poor Mr. Lee.
    Didn’t land on the gurney.
    ‘Twas the end of his journey.
    One dumb tech didn’t lift up on “3”

  166. Terry Marter says:

    I complied with her pressing request
    To place both my hands on her chest.
    But got into trouble
    (Her meaning was double)
    She MEANT: Place in Trunk with the rest.

  167. Dave Johnson says:

    I sometimes play songs by request
    For schoolkids at teacher’s behest.
    Most tunes are OK
    For that age group, I’d say;
    But “Baby Got Back” failed the test.

    (A little one made that request at an elementary school father/daughter
    dance. Her dad looked a bit sheepish…)

  168. Lisi Nortman says:

    Correcting the one(s) that may not be clear
    The title of the movie is “Falling In Love” a 1984 film starring Meryl Streep
    And Robert Di Niro.
    “Perfect Timing for An Affair”

    Predestined to meet on a train.
    Love was calling, no need to explain.
    And what a great title!
    (In films very vital)
    How unique! How outlandish! INSANE!!

  169. Mike Young says:

    This week I am out on a quest
    To see Mad Kane’s limericks don’t rest.
    My reason’s absurd
    I just love each word
    That’s included with infinite zest.

    And we know that we’ll all like her timing
    It’s a skill that she uses when rhyming
    She needs to arise
    And then open her eyes
    At the top of the hill that she’s climbing.

  170. Tim James says:

    Tweaking a previously submitted limerick…

    I attempted to hit on a nurse
    But my timing could not have been worse.
    I had started to flirt
    When she jabbed me. It hurt,
    Thereby causing my zeal to disperse.

  171. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    With a saxophone solo my quest,
    First, I ready my reed for the test.
    With my embouchure tight,
    And the timing just right,
    Then I blow my own horn through each rest.

  172. Sondra Landin says:

    I’ve been on a most fervent long quest,
    To be hailed as the ultimate best
    In big money -skimming
    And quality-trimming –
    Alas, no one’s put me to the test!

  173. madkane says:

    Attention all Limerick-Off Stragglers: The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.)

  174. Her music was all out of timing
    The lyrics were not even rhyming
    The violins were flat
    Sounded like a sick cat
    And she didn’t just sing she was miming.

  175. Edited version:
    A youngish gal made a request
    To cupid to give it a rest
    “I have had hubbies three
    Who were no good to me
    And your arrows have damaged my breast”😁

  176. Terry Marter says:

    My Ornithological quest
    Was to find the World’s rarest bird’s nest
    It belonged to a Dodo
    It’s rumoured in Soho
    Where secretly locked in a chest

    My pursuance of all matters questral
    And clues found in archives ancestral
    Led the way to said chest.
    The result of my my quest? –
    Two twigs and a poorly stuffed Kestrel!

  177. Lisi Nortman says:

    “The Sudden and Sad Appearance Of Timing”
    Written by Lisi McCartney.

    My troubles seemed so far away.
    I thought that she always would stay
    But now I must hide.
    She’s ruined my pride.
    How I want it to be yesterday.

  178. Tim James says:

    She was small and demure, and his quest
    Was to get her completely undressed.
    When it happened, though, he
    Was astounded to see
    A Marine Corps tattoo on her chest.

    As he came to this part of his quest
    He screwed up, as perhaps you have guessed.
    As they made love that day
    He cried, “Anchors aweigh!”
    “That’s the NAVY!” she yelled, unimpressed.

    His timing could not have been worse.
    The wrong words at that moment? Perverse.
    (Maybe next time he’ll try
    The right phrase: “Semper Fi.”)
    He was stunned by how well she could curse.

  179. Steve Benko says:

    Said her husband, “I have a request:
    Could you screw with a little more zest?
    Our love life was varied
    Before we got married;
    Now Willy feels under arrest.”

  180. Steve Benko says:

    In physics, the term “multiverse”
    Won’t earn from your rivals a curse.
    But the deadline is looming
    And Tim James is blooming;
    He thinks that one stanza’s too terse.

  181. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 472. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Spin.