Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SPIN at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: July 10, 2021)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SPIN at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to ETIQUETTE, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best ETIQUETTE-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on July 11, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, July 10, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my SPIN-rhyme limerick:

A gal who was clever at spin
Delivered it all with a grin.
Though her clients were sleazy
And cheesy, the breezy
Defenses she’d gin up would win.

And here’s my ETIQUETTE-themed limerick:

When he swallowed his wine, he was rapid.
Then he swiftly dismissed it as “vapid.”
His date was aghast:
“You guzzled it fast!
You’re insipid; that Pinot is sapid.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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205 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SPIN at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: July 10, 2021)”

  1. Lisi Nortman says:

    Work Place Etiquette

    I work next to a guy at “The News”
    Although pleasant, he gives me the blues.
    He’s as nice as can be,
    But I sure wish that he
    Would stop takin’ off his damn shoes.

  2. Lisi Nortman says:

    For gelato, it’s only one scoop!
    He took two, so he’s out of the group!
    He eats like a swine.
    Knows nothing ’bout wine.
    And last night, he was zoopin’ the soup.

  3. Lisi Nortman says:

    The “Exorcist” sure was a sin.
    That movie got under my skin.
    Yet fanfare won out.
    And without any doubt,
    All that hype was a devilish spin.

  4. Terry Marter says:

    For lemon tea flavour to linger
    Long after its first zesty zinger,
    When you take a wee sup
    From a porcelain cup
    You MUST raise your cute little finger.

  5. Sondra Landin says:

    Would you like to have dinner with me?
    Or traditional English high tea?
    We’ll sit straight in our chair,
    Pinkies high in the air,
    And flaunt arcane rules – silly we!

  6. Terry Marter says:

    I attended an etiquette Forum
    Where I taught the fine points of Decorum
    Like the way you should walk
    And engage when you talk,
    Then I told a crude joke just to Floor ‘em.

  7. Lisi Nortman says:

    Many people thought Trump wouldn’t win.
    And said, “It would be quite a sin.”
    Yet he owed his success
    To “Creative B.S.”
    And was crowned “The Commander Of Spin”

  8. Terry Marter says:

    I can fix all those problems you see
    From those scammers, but you must trust me
    Cuz we all get sucked in
    By their hype and and their spin, –
    I just need to know your I.P.

  9. Lisi Nortman says:

    My family calls me, “Sweet Lynn”
    I’ve a sister, Brianna, my twin.
    Mom says we’re a blessing.
    Never minded confessing
    We’re the outcome of taking a spin.

  10. Kirk Miller says:

    Getting piglets to sleep’s not a chore
    For their father, who sits on the floor
    By their bed. Tales he’ll spin
    When his offspring turn in.
    They nod off ’cause their daddy’s a boar.

  11. Lisi Nortman says:

    First Date: Driving Dad’s Car. Etiquette Advice:

    “Let her in. Close the door. Understand?”
    It was surely a real strict command!
    I got back in the car,
    But we didn’t get far.
    He’d forgotten to mention her hand.

  12. Terry Marter says:

    Spends her days in the city of sin.
    Sitting, watching the coloured wheels spin
    With diminishing health
    Not to mention her wealth.
    “More Pink Gin please, – I think my luck’s in”.

  13. Terry Marter says:

    Her composure has just failed the test,
    And her LANGUAGE! below second-best.
    She was all prim and proper
    ‘til she got off the chopper
    Cold rain and downdraft did the rest.

  14. Bob Turvey says:

    Said a lady, “I love smoky fires;
    They arouse all my basic desires.”
    So to encourage sin
    When they go for a spin
    Her beau makes smoke pour from his tyres.

  15. Bob Turvey says:

    Mercator; who was a geometer,
    Attached his globes to a rheometer.
    When the current went in
    They’d glow and they’d spin;
    And increase in length and diameter.

  16. Bob Turvey says:

    Etiquette is a super life hack;
    It stops folk from giving you flack.
    An example of this;
    When he’s having a piss,
    Don’t shove a poor chap in the back.

    ‘Hack’ is an Americanism currently creeping into English English. For the purist:-

    Etiquette is a super life tip;
    It stops folk from giving you lip.
    An example of this:
    When a chap takes a piss
    Don’t say; “There’s not much there to grip.”

  17. Lisi Nortman says:

    You must do what is proper and right.
    Remember to take one small bite.
    When your company leaves,
    Just roll up your sleeves,
    And then you may pig out all night.

  18. Lisi Nortman says:

    Etiquette? No Thanks!

    When you live alone, manners don’t matter.
    Stick your tongue out and lick all that batter.
    Eat ice cream all night.
    (What a sinful delight)
    The rub is you might get much fatter.

  19. Don Lee says:

    After COVID my head’s in spin
    Thankful I’m not dead but again
    Getting back out
    An effort no doubt
    If all play fair we win

  20. Lisi Nortman says:

    Spin Class

    This class will sure be a win-win.
    I’ll get stronger and learn about “spin”
    It’s a wonderful drill.
    It’ll give me a thrill.
    And one of these days, I’ll begin.

  21. Lisi Nortman says:

    Change of Adjective: limerick #17 L2 (today)
    “Etiquette Class”

    You must do what is proper and right.
    Remember: Take one dainty bite.
    When your company leaves,
    You may roll up your sleeves
    And then you can pig out all night.

  22. Terry Marter says:

    My opinion is Doc you’ve got guts
    If you think that with no ifs or buts
    You can check out my glands
    With your freezing cold hands.
    In my second opinion, – You’re Nuts!

    Optional Line 5:
    The price of such folly? Your Nuts!

  23. Lisi Nortman says:

    Corrected Limerick #6 today

    Many people said Trump wouldn’t win.
    Some said, “It would be quite a sin”
    Yet he owed his success
    To “Creative B.S.”
    And was voted, “Commander-in-Spin”

  24. Lisi Nortman says:

    Doggie Etiquette School

    “Now doggies, I will not repeat,
    Although you are all very sweet,
    I’m feeling morose,
    Cuz your manners are gross.
    So please close your mouth when you eat.”

  25. Terry Marter says:

    An example of Etiquette’s place
    In the Porn game, so’s not to disgrace:
    In the Six/Nine position
    There’s one inhibition,
    Please try not to fart in her face.

  26. Terry Marter says:

    The Mafia has etiquette too
    Their rules are so simple to do.
    Cuz if you refuse
    You’re dead, on The News.
    An effective incentive, – Who Knew!

  27. Lisi Nortman says:

    Lesson #2: Doggie Etiquette

    “And now that we’re all in the park,
    I must make an important remark.
    Although you’re all sweet,
    I just have to repeat:
    Will you please close your mouths when you bark?”

  28. Lisi Nortman says:

    The first 2 lines are correct. We took “manners” in school.
    “Shaking Hands” (Etiquette)

    The woman extends her hand first.
    This practice is never reversed.
    At this moment in time,
    Shaking hands is a crime.
    If you do it, you might just get cursed.

  29. Rudy Landesman says:

    I note that “fart joke limericks” are appearing with some frequency, and one even got honorable mention recently. So, take this!

    Ben Franklin proclaimed this quite loudly.
    When he’s in a room with a crowd, he
    Might have to pass gas;
    But he does it with class,
    And always is sure to “fart proudly”.

  30. Lisi Nortman says:

    “The Ups and Downs”

    My blood pressure’s doing me in.
    First it’s high, then it’s low. I can’t win.
    The pills for the ”low”
    Give me get up and go.
    And the ones for the “high” make me spin.

  31. Lisi Nortman says:

    Not a corrected one, just a little more explicit
    “The Ups and Downs”

    My blood pressure’s doing me in.
    First it’s high, then it’s low, I can’t win.
    The pills for the “low”
    Give me get-up-and-go.
    And the others just make my world spin.

  32. Tim Gray says:

    Some Republicans sadly are serious
    In backing Trump the imperious.
    They’re being taken in
    By his lies and his spin
    Not seeing he is really delirious.

  33. Michael Moulton says:

    Republicans keep trying to spin
    The results of each loss to a win
    Only then can they flee
    The depravity,
    Of their master Trumplestiltskin

  34. The latest Trump tour can begin,
    each rally to be followed by spin:
    Attendance in millions
    shadowed only by billions
    who are all clamoring to get in!

  35. Doug Harris says:

    I dated a ballet brunette,
    Drove me wild did that lissome coquette.
    When I said, “Please jump in
    And let’s go for a spin”,
    She surprised with a long pirouette.

  36. Doug Harris says:

    “Good manners? My forte!”, said Gert …
    Only gentleness shall I exert.
    When handling your glans
    I shall pre-warm my hands,
    Please reciprocate inside my shirt!

  37. Daisy WARD says:

    The ship was about for a spin
    When the captain fell on his chin
    He kept spinning around
    Until he touched the ground
    Oh now the poor captain was pin

  38. Daisy WARD says:

    The ship was about for a spin
    When the captain fell on his chin
    He kept spinning around
    Until he touched the ground
    Oh now the poor captain was pin

  39. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I’m so square, I get dizzy on gin —
    Just one round and my head starts to spin.
    Then I circle about,
    Quite obtusely, no doubt,
    Wond’ring what kind of shape I am in.

  40. Jean McEwen says:

    You can’t fool me! Enough with the spin!
    Do you think I don’t know where you’ve been?
    Must I really remind
    You? It boggles the mind.
    I was THERE! (I’m your Siamese Twin.)

  41. Jean McEwen says:

    When dining with others, please chew
    And then swallow your food before you
    Try to talk prematurely
    ‘Cause otherwise, surely,
    You’ll spray those around you with goo.

  42. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Darling daughter, you must act with grace.
    Keep a sweet pleasant smile on your face.
    Use a tissue to sneeze.
    Say, “thank you” and “please”
    “Thank you Mama, please get off my case”

  43. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Act refined, darling, never be crass.
    Set your table with grand stately class:
    Spoons and forks, placed just right.
    And to be real polite,
    Put a smart phone behind ev’ry glass.”

  44. Sondra Landin says:

    ‘Twas a must-attend ‘manners’ oration,
    With dull discourse and scant information,
    But then we could chug
    Champagne from a mug!
    That ‘manner’ sparked much jubilation!

  45. Rudy Landesman says:

    When Kennedy went to Berlin,
    He proclaimed, to the Russian’s chagrin,
    With serious demeanor:
    “Ich bin ein Berliner”.
    Thus, freedom for all he did spin.

  46. Rudy Landesman says:

    In his bunker somewhere in Berlin,
    The Führer continued to spin.
    Insane, ever callous.
    “Deutsches Land über Alles” *
    Until his own gun did him in.

    *Not an exact quote, but I had to make it scan.

  47. Lisi Nortman says:

    Canine Etiquette: Another Lesson

    Act refined, Rover, never be crass.
    Please try not to pass too much gas.
    Never bark, never bite.
    To your pals be polite.
    And for God’s sake, stop lickin’ your ass.

  48. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Planetarium

    Ever wonder why daytime is bright,
    As it slowly turns into the night?
    It’s because of a spin
    Which should make us all grin
    If we see it up close. What a sight!

  49. Terry Marter says:

    He said with a lecherous grin
    “Let’s take my new car for a spin”
    The lewd low-life leech
    Sped off with a screech
    All alone, – cuz I hadn’t got in!

  50. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Shedding Light” on previous Spinning Earth Limerick

    Ever wonder why daytime is bright,
    As it slowly turns into the night?
    It’s because of a “spin”
    If you want to clue in,
    Watch the stars in their magical flight.

  51. Lisi Nortman says:

    “The Antique Collector”

    “My goodness! How long has it been?
    I’m so glad you invited me in.
    I love your new fan
    Above that “divan”
    It gives the room such a nice spin.”

  52. Lisi Nortman says:

    Etiquette Rules Have Changed.

    I’m in quite a jovial mood.
    I used to be very unglued.
    But the “rules” have been changed,
    And well-rearranged.
    Now I don’t have to pay for her food.

  53. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Since my knowledge of science is thin,
    Geo Sci, I can’t even begin.
    So I pray it’s enough
    That my rotator cuff
    Stay attached while the earth takes a spin.

  54. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Corrected version (Aaaargh! Typo. But I’m comforted to think that many of you know my pain) :(

    Since my knowledge of science is thin,
    Geo Sci, I can’t even begin.
    So I pray it’s enough
    That my rotator cuff
    Stays attached while the earth takes a spin.

  55. Daisy WARD says:

    He farted at the table then laughed
    Acting like it was his new crafted
    The scent was so strong
    An it lasted to long
    The people walked out on his behalf

  56. Daisy WARD says:

    The ship was about for a spin
    When the captain fell on his chin
    He kept spinning around
    Until he touched the ground
    And now, the poor captain was pin

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    true fact I came across on You Tube: location: Palms Las Vegas, Hugh Hefner Suite (check it out)

    If truth be told, weirdoes have been
    In Hugh Hefner’s “Bonk” Mansion Inn.
    To spruce up his suite
    Bought himself a nice treat:
    A bed that would actually spin.

  58. Tim Gray says:

    There was a fella called Crispin
    Who’d talk always by lispin’
    But not understood
    Even if ears were good
    Because he also was whispin’

  59. Tim Gray says:

    Till now, Trump’s roulette spin
    Has luckily come up as a win.
    Will the latest be trump’s
    Or have him down in the dumps
    Sitting in a jail for his sin.

  60. Tim Gray says:

    To whom to attribute Trump’s win?
    To Roger Stone, the Master of Spin.
    The Make America Great
    Stems from Reagan’s date
    And Stone was working for him.

  61. Tim Gray says:

    Mitchell McConnell’s a jerk,
    A nasty and foul piece of work.
    He’ll give a bad spin
    To what doesn’t suit him
    Adding layer upon layer of murk.

  62. Terry Marter says:

    Weak bladder, – couldn’t wait, – on the Brink.
    Only option was Pee in the Sink.
    In an Etiquette burst
    Took the dishes out first
    Felt self righteous and poured one more drink.

  63. Terry Marter says:

    For the Ladies, Men open the door.
    That Etiquette rule is no more.
    Since they go to the gym
    She can open for Him.
    An equality thing, – por favor.

  64. Terry Marter says:

    With her manner demure and coquettish
    She displays a peculiar fetish
    For drinking pink booze
    From ‘designer’ red shoes
    She has style one could call Etiquette-ish!

  65. Terry Marter says:

    So what kind of Guilt-laden Spin
    Is this bullshit, – Original Sin.
    That we Fools should believe
    it’s from Adam and Eve
    Is a ‘Cult’ that I’m glad I’m not In.

  66. Terry Marter says:

    One’s manners are like black & white.
    It’s quite simple, they’re wrong or they’re right.
    But when something you say
    Comes out the wrong way
    Like “Your Mother” your in for a fight.

  67. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    With proboscis upturned she will pace,
    As she sniffs with disdain at my place.
    Acting snooty (it stinks),
    It’s her duty (she thinks).
    It’s as plain as the nose on her face.

  68. Lisi Nortman says:


    There’s a trend now that just made me groan.
    Told my friends, and I’m sure not alone.
    Have to say I resent
    That the “Thank You’s ” she sent
    Were all received via a phone.

  69. Rudy Landesman says:

    Cole Porter and Irving Berlin.
    And Gershwin? Let’s do throw him in.
    These guys were prolific.
    Their songs were terrific.
    To count them would make your head spin.

  70. Lisi Nortman says:

    Capricci: a short, twisty pasta:
    Limerick using “Etiquette” and “Spin”

    So flustered, my head in a spin,
    When we took Mom to “Taste of Rome Inn”
    She ate her capricci,
    And then she felt itchy.
    Cuz the sauce was all over her chin.

  71. Rudy Landesman says:

    The singer, the great Etty Kett.
    No, no. Eartha Kitt! I forget.
    Her songs, slightly naughty.
    But never real bawdy,
    She always maintained etiquette.

  72. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I have learned to be proper and civil.
    If discussions get heated, I swivel.
    Or I pivot and spin
    (Double moves are win-win).
    And the best part of all? I speak Drivel.

  73. P Diane Schneider says:


    Now everyone knows it’s not proper
    To take a girl out and then drop her
    But that’s not as bad
    As when she’s been had
    To love her up and then to whop her.

  74. P Diane Schneider says:

    He took the tank out for a spin
    While crumpling cars, made quite a din
    The gendarmes were called
    And in he was hauled
    And thus are the wages of sin

  75. P Diane Schneider says:

    The ladies man

    Jerome would not only trust gin
    But old companion Mickey Finn
    Would cut down the sass
    Of truculent lass
    Then everything started to spin

  76. P Diane Schneider says:

    About men

    I must reveal this about men
    They’re born with the instinct to win
    But when they do not
    Obtain what they sought
    They’ll tell the whole tale with a spin

  77. Nortman insane your speed and spin,
    how do you get so many in?
    Twenty-four are penned,
    sure hope that’s the end.
    Hey, let someone else get a win!

  78. Keep grunts and loud moans to a min.,
    it disturbs those workouts within.
    Don’t drop weights you fling,
    and one final thing.
    Wipe all the sweat deposits you spin.

  79. You’re working off massive girth,
    not in labor giving birth.
    Stop the grunts and moans,
    and talks on cell phones.
    Some advice for what it’s worth

  80. Idea is to put people at ease,
    much more then simple thank you and please.
    Don’t pick nose in plain sight,
    always patient, polite.
    Most important don’t loudly cut cheese.

  81. Terry Marter says:

    Church Lottery, – Give it a spin.
    There’s a Heavenly prize, are you In?
    I say “You can Stick It!”
    Read back of the ticket.
    You need to be Dead for the Win!

  82. Terry Marter says:

    Oops! Here’s corrected version of June 30. 4.24am

    One’s manners are like black & white.
    It’s quite simple, they’re wrong or they’re right.
    But when something you say
    Comes out the wrong way
    Like “Your Mother” you’re in for a fight.

  83. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Mr. Gates, it’s now your turn to spin.
    Although losing is not such a sin.
    (I’m actually cheating)
    I’m not into competing
    Chutes and Ladder’s so hard. Howja’ WIN?”

  84. Tim James says:

    Said my date, “You behaved like a dork!”
    At that fancy soiree in New York.
    Really, what’s the big deal?
    At the start of the meal,
    All I did was, I asked for a spork.

  85. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’ve been teaching him breeding, and such,
    But he still doesn’t have the right “touch”
    Got a long way to go,
    And by now he should know
    That ketchup on pie’s a bit much.

  86. Lisi Nortman says:

    It’s Party Time!

    Mr. Trump you will get a slight spin.
    Then gently I’ll hand you a pin.
    Please try to keep steady.
    The donkey is ready
    To give you a kick in the shin.

  87. Lisi Nortman says:

    Etiquette School: This Week’s Lesson: The Proper Way To Walk

    Put this book on your head, you may not
    Bend over or stay in one spot.
    Don’t take a brief rest.
    At the end, there’s a test:
    You must tell us the accurate plot.

  88. Lisi Nortman says:

    Fraternity Boys

    When a college boy gave you his “pin”
    You went into a jubilant spin.
    So un-worldly were we,
    We just didn’t foresee
    That the pin was a pass to get in.

  89. Bob Turvey says:

    Dalai Lama showed real etiquette,
    When the Chinese said, “We’ll get Tibet.”
    He smiled and he sighed,
    “Ah. Here is my ride;
    So I think we should all get t’ bed.”

  90. Bob Turvey says:

    Etiquette is a very nice thing;
    A kind phrase can make a heart sing.
    For example, when wooing.
    Don’t say, “Fancy screwing?”
    Instead, ask if she’d like offspring.

  91. Tim James says:

    Oedipus’s Tips for a Successful Relationship

    Here’s some dating advice with no spin:
    Treat the gal with respect, and you win!
    Buy her choc’late and bling.
    Oh, there’s one final thing:
    Just make sure that she isn’t your kin.

  92. Lisi Nortman says:

    Etiquette Lesson

    “You must learn the fine points of “High Tea”
    (Be pleasant Bill, don’t disagree)
    Bring a microscope, dear,
    Then things will be clear,
    Or the sandwiches you will not see.”

  93. Rudy Landesman says:

    A decorous lady was Lydia.
    You couldn’t forget her, or did ya?
    While you took a nap
    She gave you the clap;
    Though etiquette called for chlamydia.

  94. Rudy Landesman says:

    Thank you James for the inspiration.

    Young Oedipus, he was in flight.
    His dad he then killed in a fight.
    He comitted a sin
    To make your head spin.
    He bedded him mom that same night.

  95. Rudy Landesman says:

    Once more onto the breach.

    Jocasta the fun loving queen,
    When Oedipus came on the scene,
    She married her son.
    With etiquette? None!
    She tended to love the obscene.

  96. Rudy Landesman says:

    Three typos in one limerick!!!

    First, I meant to thank Tim for his inspiration. I called him James. Sorry.

    The corrected limerick.

    Young Oedipus, he was in flight.
    His dad he then killed in a fight.
    He committed a sin
    To make your head spin.
    He bedded his mom that same night.

  97. Lisi Nortman says:

    Driving Etiquette

    If you drive in the left lane real slow,
    Move over, it’s wrong, yet although,
    Speeders don’t follow rules,
    And they drive like damn fools.
    To avoid them just go with the flow.

    Does this rule apply only to Americans?
    I really don’t know, so to be fair:

    If you drive in the right lane real slow,
    Move over, it’s wrong, yet although,
    Speeders don’t follow rules,
    And they drive like damn fools,
    To avoid crashing, go with the flow.

  98. Tim Gray says:

    The proper way to behave
    Is be true to yourself, not a slave.
    Ignore others predilections
    Or their inflections
    Of the “Proper Way” when they rave.

  99. Tim Gray says:

    Don’t ever speak to me in that way,
    I’m your President, hear what I say.
    Never! Never ever before
    Has there been such a boor,
    I’ll make all you CNN folks pay.

  100. Terry Marter says:

    Wrote a lim’rick ‘bout Rumpelstiltskin
    But committed a rhythmical sin
    With the ‘skin’ stress not neat
    Cos it’s on the wrong beat.
    Can’t rectify THAT one with spin.

    Rumpelstiltskin – Now placed to begin
    this limerick, sans my chagrin,
    Made the claim, – I am told,
    He could conjure up gold
    With his straw-twisting lass (and much Spin!).

  101. Lisi Nortman says:

    8 days old: musings

    It’s time for my meltdown and spin.
    I tried to escape, but can’t win.
    It’s only a pinch,
    Yet it’s less than an inch.
    And not too much there to begin.

  102. Lisi Nortman says:

    8 days old: musings (correction)

    It’s time for my meltdown and spin.
    Tried to call it off, but just can’t win.
    It’s only a pinch,
    Yet it’s less than an inch,
    So there isn’t much there to begin.

  103. Terry Marter says:

    There’s an Etiquette phrase “Ps & Qs”
    Whose origins always confuse.
    For How can one Mind them
    When One cannot find them?
    There ARE no convincing reviews.

  104. Terry Marter says:

    Corrected version (already) July 3. 11.42am

    There’s an Etiquette phrase “Ps & Qs”
    Whose origins always confuse.
    For How can one Mind them
    When One cannot find them?
    There ARE no conclusive reviews.

  105. Terry Marter says:

    (FYI) The word Loo is a commonly used British
    (slang) term for the toilet.

    Use your ’Outdoor Event’ Ps & Qs
    Where there’s always long lines for the Loos
    When you Queue for a Pee
    It’s important to see
    That your Pee’s not preceding your Cues.

  106. Terry Marter says:

    The house staff right down to the waiter
    Look after the cranky old mater
    They’re all ‘Ps and Qs’
    As they grovel and schmooze
    She has No idea how much they hate’er.

  107. Terry Marter says:

    The bridegroom, a chivalrous gent
    Was ‘caught short’ in the honeymoon tent
    Though the worst place to shite
    Is outside, in the night,
    Before they ‘got going’ he went.

  108. Tim Gray says:

    Oh, the speed these limericks come in
    Makes my head kind of spin.
    Although I am glad
    I think I’ll go Mad
    Trying to work out who’ll win.

  109. Terry Marter says:

    My writing ‘skills’ seem like a crime
    When my mind just will Not toe the line
    Like when even with spin
    My ideas won’t fit in
    And there’s no way I‘ll get them to rhyme properly.

  110. Lisi Nortman says:

    Worth Waiting For: Etiquette

    At 90, I’m now in the groove.
    I’m sure that the men will approve.
    The rules have now changed,
    And well-rearranged
    I can finally make the first move.

  111. Lisi Nortman says:

    And Mabel Speaks Up Again At The Nursing Home (Etiquette)

    “Now, listen here, “know-it-all” chap:
    I’ve deaf ears to your old-fashioned crap.
    I’m 90 years old
    And feeling quite bold.
    And will NOT keep my hands in my lap.”

  112. Lisi Nortman says:

    Nursing Home Etiquette: Mabel is on a roll !!

    “Now ladies, you best hold on tight.
    Don’t care if it’s wrong or it’s right.
    You may not be impressed,
    But look how I’m dressed:
    It’s December, and I’m wearin’ white.”

  113. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Felicitous Independence Day

    Some hypothesize Freedom as myth,
    And Democracy vanquished forthwith.
    It’s a plausible spin
    On conditions, wherein
    I’ll be spending the 4th with a fifth.

  114. Lisi Nortman says:

    Rules are made to be broken at “Old Biddy Home” (Etiquette)

    I’m breaking a rule but despite,
    There are times that a gal has to “fight”.
    I’ve invited “My Jake”
    For coffee and cake,
    And I’m putting the fork on the right.

  115. Sondra Landin says:

    Just imagine my utter chagrin
    As I drank from the posh tastevin;
    I sniffed and took sips,
    But when drops crossed my lips,
    They all tasted quite rank – that’s my spin!

  116. Kirk Miller says:

    There’s a man whose behavior’s risqué.
    It’s described by a well know cliché.
    In pants pocket’s a hole
    That will lead to his pole,
    So the man will feel cocky all day.

  117. Terry Marter says:

    I wonder what more’s left to say
    Our rhyme Word’s been turned ev’ry way.
    Rhymes about (and with) Spin
    Pursuing that grin
    We all seek as we’re rhyming away.

  118. Terry Marter says:

    I wonder what more’s left to say
    As our planet rotates one more day
    And the Moon with no spin
    Causes seas to rush in
    While my tide of ideas ebbs away.

  119. Lisi Nortman says:


    Susie did something wrong, (please don’t quote).
    I think it will sure “get your goat”.
    So shameful was she,
    That she started to flee.
    Susie helped a man on with his coat.

  120. Tim Gray says:

    A lot of what we’re told today,
    Don’t believe it in any old way.
    Most of the din
    Is doctored up spin
    To hide the truth that they wouldn’t say.

  121. Tim Gray says:

    Historians rating of Trump Presidency…

    The ratings say you’re not the first;
    The consensus is second to worst,
    So stop all this spin
    About your stolen win
    And let your bubble be burst.

  122. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    After eating his kith and his kin,
    Sweeney asked Mrs. L for her spin
    on the practice of such.
    She said, “Don’t eat too much,
    Because gluttony, luv, is a sin.”

  123. Rudy Landesman says:

    Ms. Lovett’s meat pie is a whopper.
    It’s made with a freshly shaved copper.
    That defender of law
    Is served with some slaw.
    She warrants the meal is quite proper.

  124. Lisi Nortman says:

    corrected limerick from July 4th. 2:23 PM “Mabel’s Etiquette”

    I’m breaking a rule for tonight.
    There are times when a gal has to “fight”
    I’ve invited “My Jake”
    For some coffee and cake.
    And I’m placing our forks on the right.

  125. Hearing others eat truly I dread,
    slurped inhaled liquids pour instead.
    For solids past through lips,
    lips clean off no more drips.
    When you hear others eat not well-bred.

  126. Lisi Nortman says:

    “It Never Fails”: Mom and Dad’s Vacation

    You’re taking a nice scenic spin
    On your way to the “Calm Tranquil Inn”
    But always assume
    In the next hotel room
    You’ll hear people committing a sin.

  127. Lisi Nortman says:

    Wrong Pronouns Correction To Above Limerick:

    They’re taking a nice scenic spin
    On the way to “The Calm Tranquil Inn”
    Yet, they both must assume
    In the next hotel room
    They’ll hear people committing a sin.

  128. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    As a barber, S. Todd had no match,
    For ’twas not only hair he’d dispatch.
    With discretion he’d tend
    To both stranger and friend,
    Who’d end up in the end down the hatch.

  129. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Corrected version: (one too many ‘end’s)

    As a barber, S. Todd had no match,
    For ’twas not only hair he’d dispatch.
    With discretion he’d tend
    To both stranger and friend,
    Who’d wind up in the end down the hatch.

  130. Terry Marter says:

    As a Judge I’ve heard many a tale
    Plus the old “I’m the victim here” wail.
    Since you choose to begin
    Your defence with more spin
    I’m sending your lawyer to Jail.

  131. Terry Marter says:

    Correction to July 4 – 5.51pm

    I wonder what more’s left to say
    Our rhyme word’s been turned ev’ry way.
    Rhymes about (and with) Spin
    Pursuing that grin
    We all seek from the words that we play.

  132. Lisi Nortman says:

    Sorry: I must have pressed “Submit” by mistake “Etiquette”
    “The Prime Rib” is located In Baltimore, MD. Most natives call it “The Rib”
    “You’ll just love my brother”

    We went to a place called, “The Rib”
    And even though he was quite glib,
    He seemed very bright,
    Was a gourmand delight.
    Then he fastened his Donald Duck bib.

  133. Tim Gray says:


    There’s this old biddy named Lisi
    Who’s trying to make having her easy,
    But I wouldn’t care
    To go anywhere there,
    I prefer them refined and not sleazy.

  134. Tim Gray says:

    “If you don’t say ‘Please’ and ‘Thank you’
    Sadly I’ll have to spank you.
    I don’t want to bore
    But it’ll hurt me more…”
    “Oh don’t be a jerk, you old wank you.”

  135. Roger Haugen says:

    He thought he would go for a spin,
    After downing a bottle of gin;
    Zoomed out of control,
    Crashed into a pole–
    Bad news for the poor next of kin.

  136. Roger Haugen says:

    A blooming but bashful coquette
    Bit into a luscious baguette;
    The roll was so sweet
    She barfed on her feet–
    A societal queen? Not just yet.

  137. Roger Haugen says:

    Said the PR flack, “Sure, it’s a win,”
    When his panicky boss called him in;
    “Some wacko accuser
    ‘Calls me an abuser-
    ‘I trust you can handle the spin.”

  138. Rudy Landesman says:

    Those Dervishes all love to spin
    To show what a great mood they’re in;
    Like pups that prevail
    In chasing their tail,
    Like Lassie or once Rin Tin Tin.

  139. Tim Gray says:

    If you again want America great
    It obviously isn’t first rate,
    Then why all the spin,
    That raucous old din,
    Or have you a genetic lie trait?

  140. Rudy Landesman says:


    Those Dervishes all love to spin
    To show what a great mood they’re in.
    Like puppies prevail
    In chasing their tail.
    Like Lassie or once Rin Tin Tin.

  141. Rudy Landesman says:

    A barber shop up on Cape Cod
    The barber? A proper S. Todd
    A McDonald’s near by
    Always in fresh supply
    Of burgers and buns. O.M.G.!!!

  142. Tim James says:

    A guy took a gal for a spin.
    They parked, and committed a sin.
    Then the car wouldn’t start,
    So she fixed it. (She’s smart.)
    She puts out and knows autos? Win-win!

  143. Lisi Nortman says:

    Cartoon Etiquette, (acrostic)

    R oger Rabbit was filled with chagrin.
    U tter madness was making him spin.
    L eft ? or right? goes the spoon?
    “E at in my balloon”
    S aid Snoopy, “It’s not such a sin”.

    (Snoopy’s “thoughts” were always in Charles Schulz’s “balloon”)

  144. Terry Marter says:

    No offence intended to Blondes. I know you’re (probably) no dumber than anyone else, so you can rest assured that you feature here only because Brunette has two syllables! 😇

    A dumb Blonde’s car broke down in a wood
    Her guy went to fix (if he could).
    “Darling, This pedal thing
    Is what makes the wheels spin, –
    So why’d you look under the hood?”

  145. Rudy Landesman says:

    With etiquette that is her own,
    She sets a most dignified tone.
    This elegant matron,
    With grace serves each patron
    Some lecherous sex on the phone.

  146. Lisi Nortman says:

    “We play Poker for fun, not to win.
    I found out that it’s not a true sin.
    We ante with millions,
    We’ve changed to to billions.
    C’mon , Mr. Broke, take a spin.

  147. Tim Gray says:

    The only genuine thing about Trump
    Is he’s fat with a rather large rump.
    Don’t get taken in
    By his lies and his spin
    Or you’ll end up as the chump.

  148. Terry Marter says:

    I Messed a key Stress-word while waxing
    This lim’rick I’m finding quite taxing.
    In This one the Spin
    Is the Stress that I’M in
    In a pastime that should be relaxing.

  149. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Ann Landers, Dear Abby, and such,
    On good manners will keep me in touch.
    So, I take there’s a price
    When I fail to make nice.
    Can I take their advice? Not so much.

  150. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Paws in the action?

    Whined old Leaper to Leaker (his twin)
    Now dog-tired, his patience worn thin,
    “When I think I can’t whisk
    Off again — oy! my disk —
    Jerk comes up with another new spin.”

    I wish to conVEY to our limerick master webmaster a thank you for the correct spelling of “oy.” Happy belated Masterfulness.

    From Mad:

    LOL! You’re most welcome!

  151. Lisi Nortman says:

    Corrected: from July 4th. 12:15 pm (Etiquette)

    “Now listen here, “know it all” chap:
    I’ve deaf ears to your old-fashioned crap!
    At 90 years old,
    I’m feelin’ real bold.
    And will NOT fold my hands on my lap.

  152. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mrs. Goldstein’s Proper Speech Academy
    For The Yiddish Challenged

    Right here in good ‘ole Illinois
    There’s a school that Sjaan might enjoy.
    It’s called “Proper Speech”
    And Ms. G. will teach
    Sjaan how to spell and say “oy”

  153. Terry Marter says:

    While Covid’s rife multiplication
    Needs little or no provocation
    It is science that will win
    Not political spin
    Over which vaccine’s best for the Nation.

  154. Tim James says:

    I used to let people incite me;
    I’d yell and invite them to fight me.
    Good manners I learned
    From the beat-downs I earned.
    Now I calmly tell folks just to bite me.

  155. Tim Gray says:

    Give the roulette wheel a nice spin
    Then throw the marker ball in
    Keep your foot on the pedal
    To make sure it will settle
    So none of the punters will win.

  156. Tim Gray says:

    Neil Armstrong from the capsule I’m in:
    It’s not flat, it does definitely spin.
    Greenland is much smaller
    And Antarctica taller
    Than the Mercator Projection they’re in.

  157. Rudy Landesman says:

    My doctor with etiquette will
    Suggest that I take his new pill.
    His expressed diagnosis?
    “It’s only neurosis.
    It’s just in your head that you’re ill.”

  158. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    To: Proper Speech. Unltd.
    Illinoise, USA

    Dear Ms. Goldstein, I cannot conceal,
    My desire to be more genteel.
    Interjections of “Oy!”
    Into chatting — what joy!
    Now I’m ready to tackle “schlemiel.”

  159. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Mrs. Lovett, a courteous thief,
    From her lies about pies found relief.
    If some tasted bitter,
    She’d say with a titter,
    “Beg your pardon, it’s just some old beef.”

  160. Lisi Nortman says:


    Sjaan, you are not a schlemiel.
    You’re a writer with unending zeal.
    Your lim’riks are cool.
    (Schlemiel is a “fool”)
    You’re what I would call “the real deal”

    Zeyn gezunt
    Ms. Goldstein

  161. Lisi Nortman says:

    Senior Pole Dancing Class

    “To pole dance, you must learn to spin.
    Take your blood pressure pills, then begin.
    But if you should slip,
    You might break your frail hip,
    Or injure your arthritic shin.”

  162. Lisi Nortman says:

    Let’s try this again with actually using the Etiquette theme

    Sjaan, you are not a schlemiel.
    You’re a writer with unending zeal.
    Your lim’riks are cool.
    (Schlemiel is a “fool”)
    You’re polite, very skilled, and genteel.

  163. Steve Benko says:

    “This indictment’s a kick in the shin,
    And I can’t get a pardon like Flynn,”
    Groaned Weisselberg. “Allen,”
    Said Trump, “Here’s a gallon
    of bullshit to give it good spin.”

  164. Steve Benko says:

    At SoulCycle they cruelly shout, “Spin!”
    And the music’s a horrible din.
    My poor crotch on that seat
    Hasn’t had such a treat
    Since my B’ris when they cut my foreskin.

  165. Terry Marter says:

    Good staff always keep abreast of the situation.
    A 3-verse tale with etiquette in the tail.

    A large-breasted Queen we’ll call Mabel
    Dined in low-cut attire trimmed with Sable.
    When Her bra, at (t)its junction
    Relinquished its function
    Its contents escaped to the table.

    The butler flew in through the door
    Knowing all this had happened before.
    To rescue Queen Mabel
    he’d brought a giant Ladle
    Guests Knew (but pretended) “what for?”

    While some guests were now thinking the worst, –
    (that this chap would be fired and much cursed)
    Her ‘Man’ saved the day
    In his elegant way
    By warming the Ladle up first!

  166. Tim Gray says:

    Take the American Dream
    It is not what you might seem.
    With each new set of kin
    It takes on a new spin,
    A change from the original meme.

  167. Tim Gray says:

    Ashli Babbitt would not have been shot
    Nor rioters there on the spot
    Trying to break in
    Were it not for Trump’s spin.
    Does he take the blame? He does not.

  168. Lisi Nortman says:

    The New Company Refrigerator Meeting: Do’s and Dont’s

    The company frig is brand new.
    I must say, “It’s been long overdue”
    Didn’t go to the meeting,
    Cuz now I am eating
    A roast chicken sandwich named “Sue”

  169. Clay Wild says:

    As my pirate grandma sat there knitting
    Captive audience, ‘AYE’, coyly sitting
    With a sly, toothless grin
    Quite a yarn did she spin
    Yes, the irony was quite befitting!

  170. Clay Wild says:

    “Take advantage…”, I mused with a grin
    For my date with the Siamese twin
    Twice the fun, but still dicey
    As they both did entice me
    “You’re a two-faced liar!”, was their spin…

  171. Rudy Landesman says:

    I saw it on Broadway. So glad!
    They then made a movie. Egad!!
    If you really must know,
    Sweeney Todd was the show.
    Johnny Depp? He was properly bad.

  172. Rudy Landesman says:

    A bris? A schlemiel? Both today?
    So Yiddish! But what’s there to say?
    I might want to retch
    But never will kvetch.
    It’s hard to Jewish. Oy vey.

  173. Rudy Landesman says:

    The Fates, they just sit there and spin,
    No matter which myth they are in.
    Our fate’s in their hands,
    Weaving long or short strands.
    There’s no point in dispute. You can’t win.

  174. Rudy Landesman says:


    A bris? A schlemiel. Both today?
    So Yiddish! But what’s there to say?
    I might want to retch
    But never will kvetch.
    It’s hard to be Jewish. Oy vey.

  175. Tim Gray says:


    Mr. Goldfinger couldn’t really shit
    So his finger was used to help it,
    When told he must wash
    He said that’s just tosh
    And it tastes really good when it’s bit.

  176. Terry Marter says:

    That old Etiquette needs a new spin
    There are Rules some regard now as sin
    When gents Open the door
    for a Woman, – not sure
    If it’s Helpful, or patronised Zing.

    (In UK English Door and Sure have the same sound: Dor/Shor)

  177. Tony Holmes says:

    In the etiquette stakes meine frau
    Has the lead by a nose. This is how:
    When in flatulent mode,
    She will clench, as per code,
    Then discreetly release as a sough.

  178. Terry Marter says:

    When you Grab a neat phrase that you’ve heard
    And you Need a great punch-line or Word
    But it does your head in
    When you can’t work that Spin
    There’s no point, – you can’t polish a Turd.

  179. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    So, Ms. Goldstein, I’ve nothing to lose.
    I’m enclosing this check for my dues.
    Since I know how to chin,
    Gabble, babble, and spin,
    I feel certain I’m ready to schmooze.

  180. madkane says:

    The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  181. Wendy Hyrkas says:

    I drank a small bathtub of gin
    And felt my head starting to spin.
    I got a rebuke
    Cuz Mom saw me puke
    Two steps before I reached the bin.

  182. Lisi Nortman says:

    Sjaan: I’m no maven, but I think you made a wee bit mistake.
    If I’m wrong, forgive me,
    Ms. Goldstein

    “Sjaan, I sure hope you know “shmooze”
    Means “chatting” with whom you might choose.
    It doesn’t mean “sleep”
    Don’t break down and weep.
    I think that perhaps you meant “snooze”

    From Mad:

    Since Sjaan uses a whole bunch of talking-related words, I think Sjaan really did mean “schmooze.”

    Oops, I see you’ve already corrected your error below.

  183. Wendy Hyrkas says:

    Drooling is bad manners!

    Spit rivulets roll down my chin.
    It happens when ball gags are in.
    I’ll catch hell from my Dom
    and also from Mom
    cuz corsets sure stain worse than skin.

  184. Lisi Nortman says:

    Sjaan: If you thought that one was bad, I’ve got a worse one for you.
    “Please accept my apology” You DO know what shmooze means!

    Sjaan, I just re-read your verse.
    I was wrong, please forgive, do not curse.
    Your meaning of “spin”
    Made me sure you will win.
    Keep your money, I’ll now reimburse.

    Sincerely, Ms. G.

  185. Steve Benko says:

    Amy Vanderbilt once made a rule
    That a gentleman never should drool.
    But where topless girls prance
    On the beaches of France,
    To enforce it would surely be cruel.

  186. Lisi Nortman says:

    Waldorf Astoria, Chicago, 11 East Walton St. (Gold Coast)
    Miss Manners tells “What’s Proper”

    At the Waldorf, you mustn’t look tacky.
    Get a ride from your chauffeur or lackey.
    And after you dine,
    Remember it’s fine
    And not tacky to smoke wacky backy.

  187. Lisi Nortman says:

    Correction Above Limerick: Chicago’s Gold Coast Waldorf Astoria
    (L4) “Miss Manners Says”

    At the Waldorf, you mustn’t look tacky.
    Get a ride from you chauffeur or lackey.
    And after you dine,
    It’s perfectly fine
    And not tacky to smoke wacky backy.

  188. Terry Marter says:

    He’s an amateur (‘even says “amater”)
    Never heard of iambic pentameter
    Vocab’lary’s thin
    And it ain’t got that spin,-
    Mostly stuff about Cocks and Diameter.

  189. Lisi Nortman says:


    Mr. T. I sure know this won’t thrill you.
    I won’t do a thing, Sir, until you
    See I’m genteel
    With proper appeal
    Excuse me, Sir, now I shall kill you.

  190. Wendy Hyrkas says:

    It goes against Emily Post
    to fondle the butt of my host.
    So politeness demands
    I must sit on my hands,
    and not help myself to rump roast.

  191. Tony Holmes says:

    When I overindulge in the gin
    And my head and the room start to spin,
    It is all I can do
    To cling on – oh, you, too?
    I’m not lovin’ this spin that I’m in.

  192. Mike Young says:

    There are people who say that to spin
    You must always join hands with a twin.
    If you try to do so
    You will just have to to go
    ‘Cos spin is the loneliest sin.

  193. Mike Young says:

    Mark Twain asked for Etiquette Books
    But his publisher just offered looks.
    If you think it’s not true
    The best thing to do
    Is to see if he’s on tenterhooks

  194. Tony Holmes says:

    Without etiquette, blunders abound.
    Our faux pas give offense all around.
    E.g., Blast out a trump,
    Before taking a dump,
    And just see how the echoes resound.

  195. Steve Benko says:

    One night at a bar Rin Tin Tin
    Took a bitch that he met for a spin.
    “What’s your name?” he inquired,
    And that night was sired
    Young Lassie. Who knew they were kin?

  196. Rudy Landesman says:

    In German “du spinnst” means you’re crazy.
    “Du bist faul” indicates that you’re lazy.
    “Eine Sünde”, a sin.
    But enough of my spin.
    All this is “ganz klar”, not not hazy.

  197. Rudy Landesman says:

    Another typo!

    In German “du spinnst” means you’re crazy.
    “Du bist faul” indicates that you’re lazy.
    “Eine Sünde”, a sin.
    But enough of my spin.
    All this is “ganz klar”, no not hazy.

  198. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Nigel often felt skittish and kiddish,
    When his “loan words” turned out to be Yiddish.
    For his Mumsy would say,
    “Don’t be clumsy, I pray —
    If you MUST borrow words, make them British.”

  199. Wendy Hyrkas says:

    My father is groping my ma.
    In public! It’s quite the faux pas.
    But she acts no better.
    She takes off her sweater
    and leashes his neck with her bra.

  200. Wendy Hyrkas says:

    She rose on her toe in a spin
    but wobbled because of the gin.
    You don’t look ethereal
    when puking your cereal,
    she found out to her deep chagrin.

  201. Wendy Hyrkas says:

    Belching’s an etiquette breach,
    or so I’ve been told by my teach.
    Evidently I’m f#cked
    if I gently eruct.
    I thought it was freedom of speech.

    Alternate line: I get my mouth washed out with bleach.

  202. Wendy Hyrkas says:

    In my head, my eyes twirl and spin.
    My lips form a loose, loopy grin.
    I’m smoking tobaccy
    and, yes, it is wacky.
    That nickel bag cost me a fin.

  203. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Ms. Goldstein:

    On this subject I don’t like to dwell,
    But because you’re my mavin, I’ll tell:
    I snooze when I schmooze
    When I run out of booze.
    So Okay. You were right. Now kvell.

  204. Wendy Hyrkas says:

    I wince at the echoing din.
    Vibrations sure make my head spin.
    Then, amid all that vi’lence,
    a moment of silence,
    and drop of proverbial pin.

  205. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 473. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Tale.