Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: TALE OR TAIL OR ENTAIL OR CURTAIL at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: July 24, 2021)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using TALE OR TAIL OR ENTAIL OR CURTAIL at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to VANITY, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best VANITY-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on July 25, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, July 24, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my TALE/TAIL/ENTAIL/CURTAIL-rhyme limerick:

I’ve a crime tale entailing a tail.
Who’s the target? A male out on bail.
Law enforcement, you see,
Was convinced he would flee.
But their quarry just likes a good sail.

And here’s my VANITY-themed limerick:

A fellow who’d constantly train
Did it mostly because he was vain.
He’s paid a steep price
To simply look nice:
At thirty he’s using a cane.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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199 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: TALE OR TAIL OR ENTAIL OR CURTAIL at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: July 24, 2021)”

  1. Bob Turvey says:

    When I carved a large wooden gosander,
    I was able to use my nosander.
    A large knob near the tail
    Proclaimed it as male –
    And confirmed that it was a sprosgander.

  2. Lisi Nortman says:

    Who Is This “Man of the Year?”

    “The truth, before long will prevail.”
    “Have you noticed I never can fail?”
    “In the Wolverine state,
    They all cheered, “You Are great!”
    And between my legs, always a tail.

  3. Lisi Nortman says:

    If you’re having trouble answering limerick #2, here is some help.
    “Who Is This?”

    If you think that you look a bit pale,
    Don’t worry, or whimper, or wail.
    It’s only the flu.
    Believe me, that’s true.
    And I never have told a tall tale.

  4. Lisi Nortman says:

    Looking pretty is certainly tough.
    All that make-up! (It’s never enough)
    But now with my mask,
    It’s not such a task.
    Cuz I don’t need that over-priced stuff.

  5. Aunt Kay fan of Chippendale,
    Las Vegas the Holy Grail.
    We gave her the answer,
    she shrieked chair not dancer.
    Aunt roared no sale curtail.

  6. Lisi Nortman says:

    When you’re 20, you try hard to glow.
    When you’re 30, you must look “just so”
    As the decades go by,
    The less crap you apply.
    Honey, put on that red hat and GO!

  7. Lisi Nortman says:


    When you’re 20, you try hard to “glow”
    When you’re 30, you must look “just so”
    As the decades go by,
    The less crap you apply.
    Till you put on a red hat and GO!


    That reminds me: Many years ago, while visiting my brother and my parents in North Carolina, Mark and I found ourselves on an elevator filled with women wearing elaborate red hats and fancy outfits. It turns out, that our hotel was the location of the annual convention of the Red Hat Society. The hotel was packed with hundreds of middle aged and elderly women all decked out in red hats and purple outfits. Red Hat Society

  8. Terry Marter says:

    He Reflects, at the pool where he’s lying,
    He’s in love with himself (can’t stop sighing)
    The youthful Narcissus
    With no loving Missus
    To prevent him from tragic’ly dying.

  9. Terry Marter says:

    Narcissus admired his reflection
    So much that he got an erection.
    Was the guy really Gay
    In the classical way
    Or a product of Greek Myth-conception?

  10. Pilot Joe’s stories entail,
    flying while drinking cocktail.
    Info that comes next,
    makes me more perplexed.
    His flight controls are in braille.

  11. Brad was a dancing Chippendale,
    hadn’t used PhD from Yale.
    Career should begin,
    although in the end.
    Got more money wiggling tail.

  12. Lisi Nortman says:

    Vanity to an extreme

    “Priscilla! Run out! There’s a fire!!
    “No siree! they will see me perspire!
    I must always look pretty,
    So please don’t take pity.
    I will stay here until I expire.”

  13. I’ll tell you a long hairy tale
    Which does not entail any tail
    Of a dog cat or rat
    But COUNT upon that
    Which the farmers wife set to curtail

  14. Terry Marter says:

    Notoriously, She’s self obsessed
    All her friends used to think ‘she’s the best’
    She reflects: ‘Now they’re few
    it’s no time get Blue’.
    When her mirror smiles back she’s impressed!

  15. Ted’s not good at all job entails,
    lacking skill with hammer and nails.
    Finished snug little bed,
    comfy pillow for head.
    Coffin nails always impales.

  16. Lisi Nortman says:

    Elective Surgery

    For my surgery, Doctor Jones tried
    To be helpful and said he’d abide
    To search all around
    But “doc” never found
    A smidgen of beauty inside.

  17. Kirk Miller says:

    The boutique couldn’t make it, did fail,
    So next week will be forced to curtail
    Operations for good.
    It should be understood
    They’ll be having a big clothes-out sale.

  18. Lisi Nortman says:

    “In My Opinion”

    Did “Toys R Us” actually fail?
    Or is that a real whoppin’ tall tale?
    If it’s true, I know why
    They had to say “Bye”
    That “Play Doh” was just too upscale.

  19. Don Lee says:

    Better watch your P’s and Q’s
    their tails could confuse
    like the L’s B’s G’s and T’s they entail
    a place in history tale
    with vowels, they’re not so abstruse

  20. Terry Marter says:

    She said, as he fondled her tits,
    (In this limerick) “I love you to bits”
    But her plan did entail
    Lots of gore and entrail
    So it’s Not what he Thought, but it fits.

  21. Lisi Nortman says:

    “I’m Not Pretty”

    My tears were all over Mom’s shoulder.
    The boys I like couldn’t be colder.
    I try and I try
    But must say that I
    Never saw one with eyes of beholder.

  22. Lisi Nortman says:

    Correction of Syllables, limerick #12
    “Vanity To An Extreme”

    Priscilla! Run out! There’s a fire!
    “No Sue, they will see me perspire!
    I must always look pretty.
    So please don’t take pity.
    I’ll stay here until I expire.”

  23. Lisi Nortman says:

    “A True Virgin Until The Honeymoon”

    “Oh Johnny, you’re such a hot male.
    So gently, please take off my veil.
    I’ve heard now’s the time
    To do “The Sublime”
    Just what does my service entail?”

  24. Lisi Nortman says:

    From Today: “I’m Not Pretty” 1:19 PM (better meter)

    My tears are all over Mom’s shoulder.
    The boys who I like can’t be colder.
    And you can sure bet
    I still haven’t met
    That one with the eyes of beholder.

  25. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Thoughts on messiness lately entail
    Me comparing myself to a snail.
    Though we both would be neat,
    And keep messes discreet,
    There we go again, leaving a trail.

  26. Lisi Nortman says:

    Vanity: A girl and her memories

    The Peace Corps was sure not relaxing!
    I wanted to serve, although taxing.
    Soon after I quit.
    It was not a good fit.
    What kind of place doesn’t do waxing?

  27. Paul Haebig says:

    “My latest drag outift’s chinchilla
    inspired by the Duchess Camilla.
    Just look how I’m styling,
    completely beguiling!”
    “Girl, please! You look more like Godzilla!”

  28. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Daily Update”

    My Darling, I’m starting to fail.
    And also I feel very frail.
    I’ve misplaced my cane.
    My whole body’s in pain.
    And that is today’s old wives’ tale.

  29. Tony Holmes says:

    Come in close! I will tell you a tale
    Of Prince Vlad, who, when irked, did not rail.
    He referred sharp reproof.
    “No point hitting the roof.
    When I need to chastise, I impale.”

  30. Tony Holmes says:

    Only vanity mirrors are kind,
    As the don’t show the truth but remind
    Of those days sans chagrin –
    You had only one chin –
    And your features were taut and unlined.

  31. Michael Moulton says:

    Some say that Trump will prevail,
    And be reinstated, they hail,
    On August thirteen
    By forces unseen,
    In a seriously improbable tale.

  32. Tony Holmes says:

    Only vanity mirrors are kind,
    As they do not betray but are blind.
    They remember your youth
    Whilst ignoring the truth –
    That you’re sagging in body and mind.

  33. Michael Moulton says:

    Fox TV show host Sean Hannity,
    Stokes the right-wing’s insanity
    By spreading hot air,
    Not seeming to care
    That he’s recklessly fueling Trump’s vanity.

  34. Steve Benko says:

    “To believe that you won is pure vanity,”
    Said Bill Barr (I’ve cleaned up his profanity*).
    A real kick in the shin
    Came when Stormy chimed in,
    “It’s like saying you’ve got big anatomy.”

    *from Newsweek: William Barr, the former U.S. Attorney General, reportedly pulled no punches as he tore into Donald Trump’s claims of widespread election fraud, insisting: “It was all bull****.”

  35. I wish I was born with a tail.
    Oh much joy that would entail
    to cure my imbalance,
    have my work look more gallant
    and smack down fools off of my trail!

  36. Tim James says:

    Said a drunk who was headed to jail:
    “Hey! Her Honor’s a nice piece of tail!”
    It’s a shame that she heard
    Ev’ry odious word;
    Now he’s looking at REALLY high bail.

  37. Ruth wasn’t careful today,
    too much makeup on display.
    Together it clashes,
    oh no it’s the lashes.
    She looked like Tammy Faye.

  38. Tony Holmes says:

    If you’re even the slightest bit vain,
    Every mirror’s a source of great pain.
    They insult – it’s so rude! –
    I’m convinced they collude,
    And they’re deaf when you try to explain

  39. Steve Benko says:

    “A large dog with a human female,”
    Said Fido, “is porn’s Holy Grail.
    There’s no ifs, ands, or buts;
    Though you’ve cut off my nuts,
    When I see it, I wag my cur-tail.”

  40. Steve Benko says:

    My eating I have to curtail,
    For this morning I stepped on the scale.
    And it said, “With your flab,
    You’d be chased by Ahab.”
    I’m Caucasian, and cried a White Wail.

  41. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Ev’ry night Mack, the Manx, starts to wail,
    A long saga of loss and travail.
    Then the end is cut short,
    And he stops with a snort.
    Seems that Mack has lost track of his tale.

  42. Tony Holmes says:

    Come in close! I will tell you a tale
    Of Prince Vlad, who, when irked, did not rail.
    He preferred sharp reproof.
    “No point hitting the roof.
    When I need to chastise, I impale.”

    I missed the ‘p’ in preferred first time around.

  43. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Ultimate Snob

    “Those pipes are most simply insanity.
    So ugly, they’re close to profanity!
    Though the faucets are chrome,
    We cannot buy this home.
    I must have a sink with some vanity.”

  44. Lisi Nortman says:

    Correction of above limerick (L5)
    “House Hunting; The Ultimate Snob”

    “Those pipes are most simply insanity.
    So ugly, they’re close to profanity!
    Though the faucets are chrome,
    We cannot buy this home.
    How shameful! a sink with no vanity.”

  45. Tony Holmes says:

    In my youth every mirror was friend,
    An ally on whom one could depend.
    When it came, the betrayal –
    A vicious portrayal –
    Our alliance was brought to an end.

  46. Tony Holmes says:

    I could primp, comb and prance with the best.
    I was huge when I puffed out my chest.
    All my muscles, well-toned,
    Were all tanned, oiled and honed,
    But one hair out of place and I stressed.

  47. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Misery Of Poverty

    Even though I have worked with travail,
    Had to buy my new Rolls-Royce on sale.
    Just domestic wines now,
    I sure don’t know how
    There’s another way I can curtail.

  48. Lisi Nortman says:

    “We’re already late for the show.
    And like always, you’re dreadfully slow.”
    “10 more minutes, my dear.
    Please relax, have no fear.
    I have just one more eyelash to go.”

  49. Steve Benko says:

    To the mirror that hung on the wall,
    She asked, “Who’s the fairest of all?”
    “It’s that girl with the dwarfs;
    Better head to Bergdorf’s,”
    It replied, “for you look like DeGaulle.”

  50. Lisi Nortman says:

    Role Model Color: “Fancy Hair Salon” (Vanity)

    “Please color my hair “Orange Cheesy.”
    “Mrs. Twitler, you’re making me queasy.”
    “Well, if that’s how you feel,
    You ain’t got no deal.
    I’ll just have to go to “Real Sleazy”

  51. Lisi Nortman says:

    True Fact: In the 17th. Century, Sled Dogs were cannibalistic and ate other dogs for extra “fuel”
    Check out on Google and see how it was discovered.
    My limerick: “Dog Eat Dog, 3 Dogs, 2 Are Best Friends”

    “We’re here on the Great Arctic Trail.
    A female today, Spot, or male?”
    “Well, I mostly eat loin,
    So let’s flip a coin
    And see who gets the head or the tail.”

  52. Rudy Landesman says:

    Thank you, Carly Simon.

    Admit to my faults? I’m too vain.
    To hide them I do take great pain.
    You simply can’t doubt me,
    This lim’rick’s about me.
    You’re laughing? I warn you! Abstain!

  53. Lisi Nortman says:

    My Favorite Of All

    I lay there and started to wail.
    My “angel” looked so vey pale.
    But with one tender kiss,
    Her life became bliss.
    (“Sleeping Beauty”, my loved fairytale.)

  54. Terry Marter says:

    Hairdresser, I know you live near,
    so you Must come and visit me Here
    I look a disgrace
    There’s a hair out of place,
    It’s the fourth one above my left ear.

  55. Lisi Nortman says:

    When my Corgi Dog runs down the trail,
    I watch her and then become pale.
    I know it is wrong,
    But I’m up all night long,
    Won’dring why Sweetie Pie has no tail.

  56. Terry Marter says:

    In my mirror, i cough and I wheeze
    Working wonders right down to my knees
    Then I slowly walk by;
    Throw a smile and say “Hi”,
    But the mirror just groans back “Oh Please…. “

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    Corgi Dog #2

    When my Corgi Dog runs down the trail,
    I watch her and then become pale.
    I know it is wrong,
    But I’m up all night long,
    Won’dring , “Where has she misplaced her tail?”

  58. Lisi Nortman says:

    Corgi Dog #3

    When my Corgi Dog runs down the trail,
    I watch her and then become pale.
    I know it is wrong,
    But I’m up all night long,
    Won’dring, “Why did she chew off her tail?”

  59. Phyllis Reinhard says:

    Pen a limerick, it simply entails
    That the anapest beat never fails.
    Then come up with a rhyme
    That is truly sublime,
    And your verse will receive hails—or wails.

  60. Bob Slapcoff says:

    A peacock parading his tail
    Or a gaudily carapaced snail
    I’ll emulate these
    With bravado and ease
    As soon as I get out of jail

  61. Terry Marter says:

    Had a chat with myself (as you do)
    Philosophic’ly deep through and through.
    And conclude, on reflection,
    I”m natural perfection.
    My mirror “concurs” with my view.

  62. David Friedman says:

    There once was a lizard, a female,
    Whose tail was snapped off by a tree snail
    They told her, “Don’t fret,
    A new one you’ll get,
    But of course you will have to pay re-tail.”

  63. David Friedman says:

    There once was a Chief of Police
    Who tried to spread love, joy, and peace…
    If you buy that tale,
    I’ve swampland for sale
    And several golden egg geese.

  64. David Friedman says:

    Lorena, on the forest trail,
    Recalling the old fairy tale,
    Scattered the rocks
    With dissevered cocks
    And found her way home without fail.

  65. Phyllis Reinhard says:

    You say “beauty is only skindeep,”
    (While injecting some serum from sheep,)
    Nip and tuck here and there,
    Hide the scars in your hair,
    And your “beauty” needs yearly upkeep!

  66. Terry Marter says:

    A Disclaimer (of sorts) as a precaution: I know you not, – but feel free to raise your hand if the cap fits. (If you’re vain enough! LOL).

    Three verses.
    (Wearing my ‘mischievous’ hat for this one!).

    He brags about each feeble sonnet
    In his “Thinking” cap, (Actual Bonnet!).
    Loves himself, – won’t admit
    that his Lim’ricks are shit,
    But this Blog runs a list, and he’s on it!

    Now you probably think “Sounds like Me”
    Just don’t Rage and/or Exit your tree.
    I Know it’s not You
    If it were, you could Sue.
    It’s a fictional list, and so’s “He”.

    For this Sonnet-type well crafted Saga
    I’ve awarded myself a large Lager.
    I insist “My work’s Fine” in this thirteenth great line,
    But my Bonnet needs be a size Larger.

  67. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Chasing Issues”

    Dearest Spot, you were eating some quail
    And distrait on you quail-eating trail.
    Pay attention, ‘ole chap.
    I’ll just have to recap:
    Your body’s attached to your tail.

  68. Tony Holmes says:

    “Vanity? Oh, no more than a phase.”
    “Humph! In your case, a long-lasting craze.
    Since you sprouted your pubes –
    And those forty G boobs –
    If you see your reflection, you gaze.”

  69. Tony Holmes says:

    “Is it vain to believe you’re a dish?
    Or at best, am I just dishy-ish?”
    “To be brutally blunt,
    You’ve a passable front,
    But your backside makes waves when you swish.”

  70. Daisy ward says:

    He ate a rabbit then grew a tail
    Start moving around like a snail
    Tried to chop it off
    At a very high-cost
    He laid his tail onto a train’s rail

  71. Daisy ward says:

    He told a fantastic tale
    Of his adventures with captain krail
    Finding gold and treasures at sea
    And bags of a healing tea
    Which they sold to pirates on the trail

  72. Daisy ward says:

    A man was in love with his looks
    His face covered all of his books
    Wasn’t in need of a mate
    He was his own date
    Tried to change but he was hook

  73. Lisi Nortman says:

    Eloquent Advice From Billy, AGE 5, To His Sister, AGE 4:

    “Don’t tattle a tale, it ain’t swell.
    A witch will come cause you a spell.
    Then she’ll put you in jail,
    For telling a tale.
    Cuz that tale’s not a nice tale to tell.”

  74. Terry Marter says:

    She was Vain, sexy, slinky and sleek
    On her “Look” she spent almost a week
    Then dated a Lout
    Who did Not beat about
    The proverbial Bush (so to speak).

  75. Lisi Nortman says:

    Billy, age 5, sister, age 4 : Billy’s eloquent advice to his sister.
    change in L4

    “Don’t tattle a tale, it ain’t swell.
    A witch will come cast you a spell.
    Then she’ll put you in jail
    For tattling a tale.
    Cuz that tale’s not a nice tale to tell.”

  76. Lisi Nortman says:

    Antisocial? Oh Gosh! No Siree!
    It’s just that I’m very low-key.
    I live on my own,
    I’m routinely alone.
    And I’m just so enchanted with me.

  77. Tony Holmes says:

    “It is vain to be vain, some would say.”
    “But to change how you look? It may pay.”
    “Plastic surgery? Sure.
    But the pain you’ll endure –
    And you can’t change what matters that way.”

  78. Tony Holmes says:

    Inspired by Lisi and Christina Rossetti.

    “I do love me! I’ve counted the ways –
    And the list took me several days.
    I have charm and good looks:
    Lovely eyes – I read books.
    I do so hope this isn’t a phase.”

  79. Bob Turvey says:

    Said a languid young freshman at Yale,
    “Target shooting – what does that entail?”
    Said a Prof., “Well now son,
    You are given a gun,
    If you kill anyone – that’s a fail.”

  80. Steve Benko says:

    Said Narcissus, “I’ve fallen in love,
    And the two of us fit like a glove.”
    But the blokes at the pub
    Said, “Me boy, ‘ere’s the rub;
    A mirror’s no good in the sack, guv.”

  81. Bob Turvey says:

    A skywriter I met in Rosedale,
    Once told an incredible tale,
    Of the time his best friend
    Met an untimely end,
    When commissioned to write ads in Braille.

    Now, the problem this skywriter found –
    Was he had to fly close to the ground –
    So folk could touch each word
    And what was absurd –
    Was they all lived where tall trees abound.

    But by dint of some brilliant flying
    He wrote stuff to keep people buying.
    And then he flew home
    To his own aerodrome
    Where he crashed and he ended up dying.

  82. Terry Marter says:

    My indulgence still tends to prevail
    In excessive traits I should curtail
    Like two bottles of red
    Before lurching to bed
    With my nightcap, – a quart of pale ale.

  83. Terry Marter says:

    The Heart surgeon’s pretty vain Daughter
    Loved her Self so much more than she oughta
    Many hours she’d pass
    With an old looking-glass,
    She just Loved it with All her Aorta.

  84. Steve Benko says:

    “Polyphemus, you’ll have to learn braille!”
    Said Odysseus. “Boys, let’s set sail!
    For Penelope waits;
    All her suitors want dates,
    And their lifespans I plan to curtail.”

  85. Lisi Nortman says:

    Rehearsal: Soprano Vanity

    Most op’ra performers agree
    That it’s hard to sustain a “High C”
    In the great tragic “Norma”
    The star will perform a
    Dry run starting “me me me me”

  86. Lisi Nortman says:

    Makes More Sense: Soprano Vanity (L5)

    Most op’ra performers agree
    That it’s hard to sustain a “High C”
    In the great tragic “Norma”
    The star will perform a
    Dry run of a “me me me me”

  87. Rudy Landesman says:

    Our lim’ricks are pointless and stale?
    No use to just sit there and wail.
    We could temporize
    Or just plagiarize.
    Don’t worry. I’m no tattle-tale.

  88. Tony Holmes says:

    When Narcissus first gazed in the pool.
    He fell madly in love, the poor fool.
    Never taking a wife,
    Till the end of his life,
    He remained where he was. Love is cruel.

  89. Lisi Nortman says:

    Diagnosis: “Vanity”

    “Mr. Trump, I have something to share
    With you, so you’ll be well-aware.
    The x-rays are back.
    Your disease is called, “Wack”
    Seems your ego’s in need of repair.”

  90. Tim James says:

    If to beauty I want to be nearer,
    The path couldn’t be any clearer.
    I’m under its spell
    (You can probably tell)
    When I gaze, quite bewitched, in the mirror.

  91. Rudy Landesman says:

    Poor Hoffmann, at love he did fail.
    He drowned his great sorrow in ale.
    But Offenbach’s knack
    Would bring the wretch back
    In an opera about his sad tale.*

    *”The Tales of Hoffmann” by Jacques Offenbach

  92. Lisi Nortman says:

    “I’m not “showy” in any which way.
    And I never put on a display.
    But ev’ry one tries
    To spread nasty lies.
    Cuz I’m much more alluring than they.”

  93. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’m the prettiest girl in South Bend.
    Ev’ry lady there I sure transcend.
    But I do wonder why
    Someone gorgeous as I
    Has a problem with making a friend.

  94. Tony Holmes says:

    Of my beauty you’ve all heard enough,
    So, last word. Being gorgeous is tough.
    It’s a burden I bore
    In those days, now of yore,
    Till decline cast me down with the rough.

  95. Tony Holmes says:

    “I have never looked right in a dress,
    Though I’ve tried many times to impress.
    Do I bulge where I oughtn’t –
    Come on! It’s important –
    Or perhaps I just lack the finesse?”

  96. Terry Marter says:

    My synapses flipped the wrong cog
    Now my ‘Light’ will not shine through this fog.
    My brain cells curtail
    Bright ideas for a tale, –
    They’re as ‘blind’ as an arc-welder’s dog.

  97. Lisi Nortman says:

    Appointment At “Plastic Surgery”

    “I’ve come to your wonderful place
    Cuz I look like a total disgrace.”
    “Well, of course, Mrs. Pest.
    Just what’s your request?”
    “I’d like a completely new face.”

  98. Lisi Nortman says:

    (L5) Another Way To Put It. “Plastic Surgery”

    “I’ve come to your wonderful place
    Cuz I look like a total disgrace.”
    “Well, of course, Mrs. Pest.
    Just what’s your request?”
    “I’d like a real spanking-new face.”

  99. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    One tale of a tail might entail,
    A PI with some guy to surveil;
    Add a shade of film noir
    To a steamy boudoir,
    Plus a dame for Mike Hammer to nail.

  100. Rudy Landesman says:

    Many women have told us their tale.
    So why isn’t Donald in jail?
    He’d sit there and rot.
    For sure he could not
    Raise ten zillion dollars for bail.

  101. Lisi Nortman says:

    George Washington told a tall tale.
    The truth sometimes doesn’t prevail.
    C’mon! He was six.
    And he needed his kicks.
    Then the cherries were put up for sale.

  102. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oops! I had that George Washington one backwards!
    “The Father of our Country, age 6”

    Now people, you don’t really buy
    That Georgie said, “I cannot lie”
    It’s a whoppin’ tall tale
    That’s become very stale.
    (Kinda’ like Martha’s baked cherry pie)

  103. Terry Marter says:

    My love, you display such exuberance
    I can tell by your latest protuberance.
    May that status prevail
    No need to curtail
    Where the Hell did we leave the damn Lubricants.

  104. Eldorado knight’s long tale,
    lifetime journey no avail.
    But once underground,
    was no longer bound.
    Discovered “streets of gold” trail.

  105. Tim Gray says:

    Failing to plan is planning to fail
    If you disregard all a job does entail,
    Or in haste you just muddle through
    Saying too soon, “I think that will do”,
    Neglecting the finer detail.

  106. Tim Gray says:

    The “Pursuit of Happiness” will fail
    To catch it e’er by the tail.
    Enjoy every task,
    For no glory ask,
    And “Happiness” shall then prevail.

  107. Tim Gray says:

    We all like to think we are right,
    So much so, we’ll put up a fight.
    We’ll even fight wars
    To further our cause,
    Backed up by all of our might.

  108. Tim Gray says:

    I’m the best President ever,
    That’s because I am so clever.
    Am I arrogant? No!
    A little. Does it show?
    Will I change? I don’t think so. No never!

  109. Tim Gray says:

    Woman, vanity is thy name,
    And trapping a mate is thy game.
    You’ll think love has arrived,
    But it’s all just contrived,
    Though to you, its real, just the same.

  110. Tim Gray says:

    You think you’re a bit of a nob,
    But you’re an intellectual snob.
    That you think you’re so smart
    We can tell at the start
    When you first go and open your gob.

  111. Tim Gray says:

    What have the Proud Boys to be proud about?
    What have they done except scream and shout?
    There’s the sorry tale
    Of the Capitol fail,
    A demonstration turned into a rout.

  112. Tim Gray says:

    You think you know. You don’t.
    Will you change your mind? You won’t.
    You’ll go on forever
    Thinking you’re clever
    As of knowledge you think you’re a font.

  113. Tim Gray says:

    Some Americans think America’s best,
    Better than all of the rest.
    If they were really aware
    They’d know that that’s spare,
    Take the prisoner count as a test.

  114. Steve Benko says:

    “On a bonfire all these I’ll burn,
    For they’re vanities; this I discern,”
    Said the monk. But the Pope
    To his theories said. “Nope.
    Furthermore, at the stake it’s your turn.”

  115. Rudy Landesman says:

    I have beautiful varicose veins.
    You’ve noticed? That’s great. It explains
    Why despite sneers and snorts
    I always wear shorts,
    Regardless of whether it rains.

  116. Lisi Nortman says:

    True Story: 1981 at a casino with my husband
    Probably one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.

    “I Had A Tail”
    The night that I had a long tail
    I broke down and then started to wail.
    Very blatantly showing,
    Toilet paper was flowing
    From the back of my pants in a trail.

    (for about 20 minutes, until a perfect stranger told me!)

  117. Clay Wild says:

    Though a prime, human flaw is vanity
    It’s limits not solely humanity
    Though of man, god’s disdain
    Yes, they too, were so vain
    Ungodliness – prideful insanity!

  118. Clay Wild says:

    Mirrored images often distorted
    Self-opinions convenient, contorted
    One can carry an air
    But is vanity fair?
    Bubble bursts with perceptions aborted…

  119. Clay Wild says:

    Curt was ailing, he made it quite clear
    His whines ad-infinitum, we’d hear…
    We, Curt’s ails, did curtail
    Greater good did prevail
    Problem solved – just give Curt ale or beer!

  120. Clay Wild says:

    At the Road-Kill Grill, food prep entails
    Sorting out things not edible (tails…)
    Brags the gore-may chef Marcus
    Elbow-deep in a carcass:
    “Offal-Awful milkshakes with entrails!”

  121. Lisi Nortman says:


    Won the lottery right to the max.
    Told the wife that we’re gonna “make tracks.”
    She said, “I’ll make sure
    Our new home has allure,
    And it must be real close to a Saks.”

  122. Lisi Nortman says:

    Similar, “vanity”

    Won the lottery, got lots of dough.
    We’ll buy a big house, yet although,
    My wife said, “That’s great,
    It must be in a state
    With a Bloomingdales, or I won’t go.”

  123. Lisi Nortman says:

    Take a “selfie”, you’ll feel really swell.
    (In a park, in your school, or hotel.)
    Those who thought of it claim
    That they gave it that name,
    Cuz narcissist’s too hard to spell.

  124. Bob Turvey says:

    What does writing great lim’ricks entail?
    Innovation you must not curtail.
    The rhythm? Electric.
    The word use? Eclectic;
    And the tale has a twist in the tail.

  125. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Vanity Anonymous”

    “All welcome to “Big-Headed Share”
    I hope you’re all fully aware
    We can cure your conceit,
    So you won’t feel elite.
    Incidentally, how is my hair?”

  126. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Vanity Anonymous”

    “All welcome to “Big-Headed Share”
    I hope you’re all fully aware
    We can cure your conceit,
    So you won’t feel elite.
    Incidentally, how is my hair?”

  127. Three bears hot on her trail,
    would Goldilocks prevail?
    With a simple lock,
    or well-oiled Glock.
    That’s a different tale.

  128. Terry Marter says:

    Those beauty comp’ girls lose their sanity
    when (backstage) they resort to profanity.
    They get dirty and down
    In their quest for that crown
    Not exactly “God’s gift” to humanity.

  129. Tony Holmes says:

    Just adore me as though I’m a god,
    Enjoy unfettered use of this bod’.
    All your dreams will come true
    When I make love to you:
    But deny me and I’ll spare the rod.

  130. Lisi Nortman says:

    I don’t know why that one went in twice! I have the same one in mind with another punch line: “Vanity Anonymous”

    “All welcome to “Big- Headed Share”
    I hope that you all are aware
    We can cure your conceit,
    So you won’t feel elite.
    Don’t you love what I’ve done with my hair?”

  131. Call it a B and E tale,
    Where Goldilocks would prevail.
    Got nice little snack,
    and a comfy nap.
    Sheets six-hundred count percale.

  132. Dave Johnson says:

    Trump’s dinnerware – always first-rate;
    With one special feature that’s great.
    Between steak and some peas,
    That reflection he sees;
    His BEAUTIFUL vanity plate!

  133. Tony Holmes says:

    Listen up and I’ll tell you the tale
    Of Ms Prim, whom I once did surveil.
    As I watched her undress,
    I came under duress,
    Which is why I now languish in jail.

  134. Tony Holmes says:

    Listen up and I’ll tell you the tale
    Of Ms Prim, whom I once did surveil.
    As I watched her undress,
    I came under duress,
    Which is why I now languish in jail.

    “I am bound by the law to curtail,”
    Said the judge. “And must send you to jail.
    And I must confiscate
    All your photos. My fate
    Is to study them all – in detail.

  135. Tim James says:

    At the gym, as I stepped on the scale,
    I considered my weight-loss plan fail.
    All the fat I had burned?
    Not sufficient, I learned;
    My consumption I need to curtail.

  136. Dave Johnson says:

    (Corrected version of my posting above)

    Trump’s dinnerware – always first-rate;
    With one special feature that’s great.
    ‘Tween steak and some peas,
    His reflection he sees
    In that BEAUTIFUL vanity plate!

  137. Dave Johnson says:

    He sought illegitimate tail;
    And found they were having a sale.
    Though one did agree
    For a sizable fee,
    Her badge indicated a fail.

  138. Sondra Landin says:

    Her vacation was rife with calamity;
    Lost luggage, missed flights threatened sanity;
    Her bikinis didn’t fit,
    Starved mosquitoes all bit,
    She could not even show off her vanity!

  139. Kirk Miller says:

    He’s self-centered, conceited, quite vain.
    Only talks ’bout himself; it’s insane.
    Ophthalmologist said,
    “Vision’s wonderful, Fred,
    But you’re suffering from some I strain.”

  140. Dave Johnson says:

    Adopting the look of a child,
    He glanced at the mirror and smiled.
    “I’m someone!” he said;
    Then his wife shook her head
    And laughed: “who was born to be mild.”

  141. Lisi Nortman says:

    The “TALLEST” Tale: September 11, 2001. TV News Interview by phone to Donald Trump.

    Donald Trump told a “whale of a tale”
    Which made some New Yorkers quite pale.
    He said, “Now mine’s the highest
    And of course, I’m the flyest”
    (A tale on a very large scale)

    (The tallest after 9/11 was on 70 Pine Street, not his tower, as he claimed)

  142. Dave Johnson says:

    Corrected version – today 1:06 pm

    His bank account – hardy and hale,
    He sought illegitimate tail.
    Though one did agree
    For a sizable fee,
    Her badge indicated “no sale”.

  143. All started with beans and livestock,
    small village in collective shock.
    Golden goose of tale,
    never goes for sale.
    What’s left, giant’s outline in chalk.

  144. Lisi Nortman says:

    Rudy, from Carly Simon:

    This lim’rik is not sure about you.
    There are 2 things I already knew:
    Your horse was withdrawn.
    The eclipse was a yawn.
    Didn’t hear that from you, but they’re true.

    (so there)

  145. Lisi Nortman says:

    Revision: Better Meter: “To Rudy From Carly Simon”

    This lim’rik is not about you.
    There were facts that I already knew:
    Your horse was withdrawn.
    The eclipse was a yawn.
    Didn’t hear that from you, but they’re true.

    (so there)

  146. Tim Gray says:

    In some ways we’re all a bit vain,
    We’d like people to know our name…
    “Look what I’ve done,
    Aren’t I the one,
    Ah, nothing is better than fame.”

  147. Tim Gray says:

    How many love songs have I sung?
    And each to a different one.
    Each a sorry tale
    Of a love that did fail
    I sadly should not have begun.

  148. Tim Gray says:

    Trump has them under some spell.
    Ignoring the truth they know well,
    They go along with the tale
    That he didn’t fail
    For fear it could be their death knell.

  149. Tim Gray says:

    We said, “My God you are vain.”
    She replied, “I’m sorry, it’s plain
    I’m much better than you!”
    Which was sad and was true
    And we had no cause to complain.

  150. Tim Gray says:

    What conceit drives such a man
    Shown he can’t, still thinks that he can.
    Who will in a trice
    Ignore all sage advice
    Unless it concurs with his plan.

  151. Tim Gray says:

    Your fears I’d like to dispel
    That the election is my death knell.
    There’s no greater crime
    In all historical time
    And the Democrats know it as well.

  152. Tim Gray says:

    Tale entails a tail

    There is a story, a tale
    That natures wonders entail,
    A cunning old fish
    Who’d lost his swish
    Uses his sail not his tail.

  153. First pig used entire hay bale,
    second secured sticks with his tail.
    Third used solid brick,
    and that did the trick.
    Wolf is now fixated on quail.

  154. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hey Lisi, please forward to Carly.

    I regret. I’m perplexed and I fail.
    I simply can’t make head or tail.
    What horse? What eclipse?
    Some memory slips?
    If there’s logic in this, do unveil!

    (so where?)

  155. Steve Benko says:

    What does writing a lim’rick entail?
    Perfect anapest meter’s the Grail.
    For your rhyme scheme, the way
    Is AABBA;
    You must follow these rules or you fail.

  156. Terry Marter says:

    A party girl (NOT a late bloomer)
    Asked some like-minded friends ‘round to groom ‘er
    Her vanity ‘set’
    Saw her needs were all met
    When they joined her in bed (that’s no rumour).

  157. Terry Marter says:

    She Brags when she’s Put to the Test,
    “I can Rhythm and Rhyme with the Best”.
    With metrical song:
    “I’ve not Put a foot Wrong….”
    Her Name? Oh, that’s Young Anna Pest.

  158. Rudy Landesman says:

    In vanity veritas.

    A poet who lived on Nantucket
    Wrote lim’ricks galore by the bucket.
    He never would teeter,
    Used amphibrach meter.*
    An anapest? He would just chuck it.

    *(da DUM da/ da DUM da/ da DUM da)

  159. Steve Benko says:

    With my talent, square jaw, and strong chin,
    It is I who these contests should win.
    Once MadKane takes a look,
    Every other poor schnook
    Who submits will become a has-been.

  160. Terry Marter says:

    They wrote a misleading false tale
    Which here I’ll not stoop to regale
    My furious riposte
    Was then (they said) “lost”
    Now I Wonder what THAT did entail?

  161. Lisi Nortman says:

    Rudy: Listen to the lyrics of “You’re So Vain”
    My limerick was a parody of sorts.

    This man is so terribly vain.
    Sees the world from his own private plane.
    Does “his horse” always win?
    Does the sun always spin
    All around his own private domain?

  162. Tim James says:

    The Lone Ranger (so goes a tall tale)
    Saw some Natives and let out a wail:
    “They’re all hostile! We’re dead!”
    Tonto grinned as he said:
    “What’s this ‘we,’ you with face that is pale?”

  163. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Da-DUM-da said, “Heads up, my friends —
    Be apprised of what lies ’round those bends!
    Brutes with blades did assail
    Both my head and my tail
    Just for sport. Now I’m short on both ends.”

    (Hi, Rudy. “Amphibrach”! Thanks for the new-to-me WOTD) :)

  164. Sondra Landin says:

    Another version of a ruined vacation

    Her vacation’s a total calamity;
    Long delays, unmasked crowds, threatened sanity;
    Her bikini’s just right
    And young dudes are in sight,
    But her makeup’s at home on her vanity!

  165. Rudy Landesman says:

    My need to make love was perennial.
    But now as I reach my centennial,
    I will not complain.
    I can’t be that vain.
    I’m glad that it still is biennial.

  166. Sondra Landin says:

    Plot ideas come a’pelting like hail;
    I try to corral them-and fail.
    I rail and I wail,
    To no great avail;
    Just can’t seem to finish my tale.

  167. Jean McEwen says:

    The grim tale that is told by my scale
    Is: “Take heed of the size of your tail.
    Look, these numbers don’t lie;
    You eat way too much pie
    And resemble a massive beached whale.”

  168. Jean McEwen says:

    At just three inches long, Dickie’s dick
    Isn’t all that exciting to lick.
    Yet he thinks that the chicks
    Are transfixed when he sticks
    Them (when really, they’re just thinking “ICK!”)

  169. The beautiful Cinderella,
    sung enchanting acapella.
    With slipper of glass,
    made for the young lass.
    She wasn’t losin’ her fella.

  170. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Once Upon A Time” (bedtime story)

    “Dearest Darling, must tell you a tale.
    Cinderella just started to wail.
    But the prince found her slipper
    On the day of Yom Kippur.
    After sundown, they ate nuts and kale.”

    (and lived happily ever after)

  171. Lisi Nortman says:

    “My Wife” “Get Out Of The Bathroom”

    She moves at a very slow pace.
    And frankly, I think it’s a disgrace.
    All that lipstick and blush,
    Brow pencil, with brush.
    And other shit made for a face.

  172. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hey Lisi,

    I had listened to just the refrain
    Of Carly’s old song “You’re so Vain”.
    I’d forgotten the horse,
    The eclipse, so of course
    Please forgive my malfunction of brain.

  173. Tim James says:

    A Captain whose name is James Kirk
    Is an egomaniacal jerk.
    He’s God’s gift to the dames.
    Still, the sexual games
    That he tries indisputably work.

  174. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    If a woman with beauty that’s lush
    Likes to tally the hearts she can crush,
    When it seems there’s a trace
    Of chagrin on her face,
    It’s her makeup providing the blush.

  175. Rudy Landesman says:

    I just bought an old book on sale.
    But read it? What will that entail?
    With very slim pickin’s
    I chose one by Dickens.
    Two cities involved in a tale?

  176. Rudy Landesman says:

    In the year ninety-two, he set sail
    To reach India, but sadly he’d fail.
    But out of the blue
    He found something new.
    What was it? Therein lies a tale.

  177. Humpty Dumpty history trail,
    began as brandy drink with ale. 1600s
    Then cannon true fact, 1642-1649: English Civil War
    at the end he cracked.
    Egg in Alice Wonderland tale. 1865:Lewis Carroll called H.B. an egg
    and that is what he became in rhyme

  178. Humpty Dumpty history trail,
    began as brandy drink with ale. *
    Then cannon true fact, **
    at the end he cracked.
    Egg in Alice Wonderland tale. ***

    * ( 1600s ) ** (1642-1649 ) English Civil War *** 1865: Lewis Carroll’s classic Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland is published H.B. referred as egg

  179. Lisi Nortman says:

    Vanity and Tail, (a double)
    “The Girls”

    In high school we did lots of teasing.
    (But not the kind that is displeasing)
    To attract a cute male,
    We used a “rat tail”
    And hoped that our hair would be pleasing.

    (for those who don’t understand, a “rat tail” is a comb which is perfectly
    designed for teasing: one side for “grabbing” the other for teasing)

  180. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oops! Rhyming Error (L5) from “The Girls” vanity and tail. try again!

    In high school, we did lots of teasing
    (But not the kind that is displeasing)
    To attract a cute male,
    We would use a “rat tail”
    Then spray our hair till it looked freezing.

    (rat tail combs: one side is the grabber and the other side is the teaser)

  181. Lisi Nortman says:

    This may make more sense:

    In high school, we did lots of teasing.
    (But not the kind that is displeasing.)
    To attract a cute male,
    We would use a rat tail.
    On our hair. Comb it down. Spray till freezing.

  182. Terry Marter says:

    There’s a Rich* Tart from old downtown Pisa
    Who Thinks she’s the next Mona Lisa.
    Beneath all her paint
    Gioconda she ain’t.
    *(She’s Solvent, – has shares in de-greaser).

    That Poor tart from Pisa town’s back
    Her foundation is starting to crack
    But She still has a leaning
    T’ward vainly self preening
    With Several layers of Spack!

    (Much Later)
    Her thinking now leans to her plight, –
    Though her foundation’s crumbling she’ll fight.
    The Spackle’s convincing
    But needs some Da Vincing
    Gioconda she’ll not be tonight.

  183. Tim Gray says:

    Book, after book, after book,
    Each saying Trump’s bad, “Here look!”
    Each one a tale
    Of his Presidential fail
    And saying at heart he’s a crook.

  184. Tim Gray says:


    Never in the history of Trump
    Will he agree he was given the bump,
    Though we secretly know,
    Evidenced by the show,
    That he knows he got a good whump.

  185. Tale of Emperor’s New Clothes,
    clever vanity written prose.
    It only took youth,
    and transparent truth.
    For innocent lad to expose.

  186. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Something’s Rotten In The State Of New Jersey:
    Oh Jimmy, Where Art Thou?”

    Some searchers are still on the trail
    Won’dring where is this “organized” male?
    An inscrutable man,
    Who sure hit the fan.
    Thereby hangs a mysterious tale.

  187. Abandoned in woods by step-mother,
    Hansel and Gretel helped each other.
    Start bread crumbs for trail,
    punch line to this tale.
    Step-mother was witch, so they smother.*

    Or boil, or burn up in oven. So many versions.*

  188. Lisi Nortman says:

    A slight modification: “There’s Someone Rotten In The State Of New Jersey”
    Oh, Jimmy, Wherefore Art Thou?”

    Some searchers are still on the trail
    Won’dring “Where is this “organized” male?”
    An inscrutable man,
    Who sure hit the fan.
    Thereby hangs a mysterious tale.

  189. Terry Marter says:

    20/20 Hind-sight!

    Ev’ry Young healthy teenage boy’s mind
    Drives a habit they’re told makes them blind
    But they’ll never curtail
    Cuz they’re Male and love “Tail”
    That wears Short shorts exposing their Hind.

  190. Steve Benko says:

    Said Huck Finn, “I don’t want to seem vain,
    But who wrote you? My author’s Mark Twain.”
    Hamlet laughed. “There’s no peer
    Of my playwright, Shakespeare,
    Plus there’s nothing, they say, like a Dane “

  191. Lisi Nortman says:

    “The Boss’s Cluttered Desk”

    “What a beautiful fam’ly, Miss Lee.
    All Girls! and as chic as can be.”
    “You’re quite right, Mrs. King,
    Except for one thing:
    All these photos are pictures of me.”

  192. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Screamed a peacock, “I’m stuck up; so what?
    I’m too gorgeous and grand not to strut!”
    He was squawking at folks
    And their foul human jokes,
    Most of which he was often the butt.

  193. madkane says:

    Attention all Limerick-Off Stragglers: The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  194. Dispensing service move your tail,
    in every climate don’t you fail.
    Wonderfully expressed,
    Stevie Wonder said best.
    Signed, sealed, deliver our mail.

  195. Lisi Nortman says:

    A Stroll Down “Looking-Glass Street”

    We strolled down the real fancy section,
    In my usual fav’rite direction.
    We kept walking, then stopping,
    But not for the shopping.
    The “stops” were to kiss my reflection.

  196. Mark Totterdell says:

    Though he thought he had style and urbanity,
    Hugh’s bid for success was all vanity.
    With broad flippers and tail
    And wet whiskers, he’d fail.
    How I wept for the fate of Hugh Manatee!

  197. Terry Marter says:

    One Last comp-idea I can’t pose
    (In Oz it’s past time for my doze)
    A “Beyond The Pale” tale
    That’s too rude and will fail
    I’ve no time left to fix by Mad’s Close.

  198. Dave Johnson says:

    He told her “I see in the mail
    They’re having their Annual Sale.
    Fake bargains, at best;
    They’ll just jack up the rest.”
    She said “That’s an old husbands’ tale.”

  199. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 474. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Key.