Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: KEY at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: August 7, 2021)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using KEY at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to WRITING STYLES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best WRITING STYLES-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on August 8, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, August 7, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my KEY-rhyme limerick, inspired by “Do-Re-Mi” from “The Sound Of Music”:

To remember the scale, here’s the key:
Think of does, golden sun rays, and me.
Try scampering fah
And sewing — VoiLA!
Then return to those does after tea.

And here’s my WRITING STYLES-themed limerick:

To people who try to seem bright
Via recondite words, you’re a blight.
It’s pretentious to wax
Lexiphanic. I’d tax
Ev’ry fancified phrase that you write.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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208 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: KEY at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: August 7, 2021)”

  1. Bob Turvey says:

    There was an old cat named McGee,
    Who said, “I demand my own key.
    For it is such a pain,
    To ask time and again,
    To be let out when I need a pee.”

  2. Bob Turvey says:

    A young chap from Okofenokee
    Went down to the swamp for some pokee.
    But once down in the swamp
    A large ‘gator went “Chomp” –
    Which made his libido quite low key.

  3. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mom: “Do Your Homework!” (key and writing styles)

    “Have you finished your narrative, Tom?
    Cuz last time you sure dropped a bomb!”
    “Don’t worry ’bout me.
    Fine’ly found the right key:
    Called “writing a story dot com.”

  4. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Plump Club

    It’s so hard to lose weight, Woe Is Me!
    (And all of my “plump” friends agree.)
    Each one will concur
    They wish that it were
    As easy as losing a key.

  5. Lisi Nortman says:

    My computer just sure startled me.
    Read a message I didn’t foresee:
    “Your keyboard is locked
    But don’t be so shocked,
    To fix it, press any ‘ole key.”

  6. Persuasive is the “write” style for me,
    get my point across forcefully is key.
    Facts not always clear,
    opinion counts here.
    Oh no diatribe crossed line not kindly.

  7. People use big words to impress,
    low self-esteem issues I guess.
    Of four writing styles,
    descriptive gets smiles.
    Like pure entertaining process.

  8. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Carried Away With Metaphors” Publisher Speaks:

    “Your metaphors sure hit the spot.
    Like using “Seurat” to mean “dot”
    And “balloon” meaning “moon”
    And the “wind” meaning “tune”.
    But have you forgotten the plot?”

  9. Lisi Nortman says:

    better limerick: Carried Away With Metaphors:
    “My First Novel” Publisher Speaks

    “Your metaphors sure hit the spot.
    Such as using the “steam” to mean “hot”
    And “balloon” meaning “moon”
    “Whistling wind” meaning “tune”
    But have you forgotten the plot?”

  10. Rudy Landesman says:

    My singing’s not always top-hat,
    And often I’m sharp when I scat.
    But take it from me,
    No matter the key,
    I get into any old flat.

  11. Rudy Landesman says:

    The Rach Four? Man’s that heavy, not light. *
    Does playing it fill you with fright?
    Your fingers might freeze.
    Just look at them keys!
    So many! Some black and some white!

    *Rachmaninoff, Piano Concerto #4

  12. Terry Marter says:

    A night at the opera.

    The duet with the diva and he,
    grew more sexual each time they changed key.
    With his sus-4th so long,
    and their climax so strong,
    from that beautiful F in her C.

  13. Tony Holmes says:

    “He’s all Hemingway, sober an’ drunk:
    Claims a nodding acquaintance with Strunk.
    Goes fishin’ an’ huntin’
    An’ screwin’, confrontin’:
    Then writes it all up like a monk.”

  14. Brian Allgar says:

    (After a long absence …)

    This device seemed just perfect for me,
    Since I’m always mislaying my key.
    I press the thing here,
    And my keys, far or near,
    Will respond with ‘beep, beep …’ endlessly.

    It worked well until, several days later,
    In need of my beep-generator,
    I looked all around,
    But it couldn’t be found –
    Like a fool, I’d mislaid the locator!

  15. Australian Crocodile Dundee,
    there are numerous who wannabee.
    Don’t carry small knife,
    to deal with strife.
    Wielding a machete is key.

  16. Terry Marter says:

    I craft tomes in my garden (when sunny),
    with a style that is right on the money
    But I frequently miss,
    and just end up like this,
    with a limerick that’s not very funny!

  17. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    When I’m writing a narrative book,
    Stream-of-consciousness works as my “hook.”
    But for pamphlets or tracts,
    Or a thesis with facts,
    I prefer to use Gobbledygook.

  18. Have you seen dog with bothersome flea,
    utilize flea comb douse quickly key.
    If not effective,
    other elective.
    Flea circus tax write off show is free.

  19. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I have just run aground, pity me.
    I’m okay — just a cay in the sea.
    But what other snags lurk
    In semantical murk?
    Is a lake but a loch with no key?

  20. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Best Writing Style: Advice From Miss Word Wise

    “In conclusion, I just have to say
    In closing, don’t use a cliche.
    Haste always makes waste
    So write in good taste.
    Writing’s hard at the end of the day.”

  21. Lisi Nortman says:

    Critical Computer Advice From An Expert

    “I have something important to say,
    So you won’t feel enormous dismay.
    Listen close to my plea:
    Do not press “escape” key.
    Cuz you’ll fade and then soon melt away.”

  22. Conservator case singer Britney,
    Endlessly on Las Vegas marquee.
    Hit me one more time,
    like dad’s finance crime.
    Will first-class attorney be the key?

  23. What are the odds of chimpanzee,
    with limerick better than me?
    Send to Havana,
    pay by banana.
    Might get stuck in typewriter keys.

  24. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Book Report

    “Your grammar could make someone cry.
    As your teacher, I let out a sigh.
    But since you’re my beau,
    I’ll just let it go.
    (Keep that secret between you and I”)

  25. Lisi Nortman says:

    Never To Be Seen Again

    I sang lots of songs ev’ry day.
    But I sure had a big price to pay.
    (Always in the wrong key)
    I just didn’t foresee
    That my Maltese would run far away.

  26. Rudy Landesman says:

    Oops. I put the apostrophe in the wrong place. Here is the correction.

    The Rach Four? Man that’s heavy, not light. *
    Does playing it fill you with fright?
    Your fingers might freeze.
    Just look at them keys!
    So many! Some black and some white!

    *Rachmaninoff, Piano Concerto #4

  27. Dave Johnson says:

    Their singer was slightly off-key;
    The crowd made his band hard to see.
    Most covers they played
    Were so moldy and frayed;
    “Free concert” – no bargain for me.

  28. Lisi Nortman says:

    A Specific Style Of Writing: Journalism “Headline”

    “As hard as Miss Henderson tried,
    From the killer, she just couldn’t hide.
    She ran very fast.
    Yet her bolt didn’t last.
    Though alive, till the moment she died”

  29. Love life in fictional tv Pawnee,
    first in friendships fourth in obesity.
    Since none of it’s real,
    could we make a deal.
    Any chance procuring fake city key?

  30. Fred Bortz says:

    The beginning, “O say, can you see,”
    Of an anthem by Francis Scott Key,
    Inspires us to ask,
    “Are we up to the task
    That’s needed for all to be free?”

    I yearn for the days when the call
    For freedom meant justice for all—
    Not “All that I ask
    Is to take off this mask.”
    We’ve descended from greatness to small.

  31. Lisi Nortman says:

    Trump needs a job: Interview: Must Be Able to Write In Journalistic Style

    Trump said “I don’t have biased views
    (Incidentally, I didn’t lose.)
    Took a class called, “The Rag”
    Got an “A” , (not to brag)
    So please give me a job at “Fake News”

  32. Fred Bortz says:

    His word choices? Sesquipedalian.
    His worship was Episcopalian.
    ‘Twas all a disguise
    So none would be wise
    To his origin as a space alien.

  33. Bob Slapcoff says:

    Elton John, Bono, and Kiki Dee
    Elvis, Cher, Hendrix, and Peggy Lee
    Placid Domingo
    John, Paul, George, (even Ringo)
    Have all covered the great F. Scott Key

  34. Fred Bortz says:

    Some call him a dour doom-and-gloomer,
    But I say that’s only a rumor.
    He’s ghoulish, that’s true.
    His books scare quite a few,
    But his limericks show his dark humor.

  35. Lisi Nortman says:

    The One And Only

    Ray Charles, as we know, couldn’t see.
    But was taught to play piano at 3.
    A miraculous story
    Of a man and his glory,
    Which began with just only one key.

  36. “The Great One” nickname came to be,
    scoring well as young Wayne Gretzky.
    Retired with nice wife,
    what’s next role in his life?
    With five kids probably referee.

  37. P Diane Schneider says:

    The Obituary

    His lady friend was lost at sea
    So he wrote free verse on his knee
    What came to his mind
    Was how much he pined
    For Julia. She was the key

  38. P Diane Schneider says:

    The Joke writer

    He did his writing with glee
    Everything’s bought for a fee
    An archive of jokes
    To entertain folks
    And that detail is the key

  39. Woke up and realized mistakes.

    “The Great One” nickname came to be,
    scoring well as young Wayne Gretzky.
    “Now retired nice wife,
    what’s next role in our life?”
    She said, “five kids referee key.”

  40. Brian Allgar says:

    The king had to jouney by sea;
    In his absence, the Queen might feel free.
    She’d be safer, he felt,
    With a chastity belt –
    But the knight had a skeleton key.

  41. Brian Allgar says:

    A Henry James sentence would tend,
    Like elastic, to overextend,
    Each subordinate clause
    Causing readers to pause,
    And to groan “Will the thing never end?”

  42. Brian Allgar says:

    In the middle range, critics agree,
    Her singing is sometimes off-key,
    But in coloratura,
    Her voice is much purer;
    Like pirates, she loves the high C.

  43. Terry Marter says:

    I proposed near the band. That was key.
    On the boardwalk alongside the sea.
    The Crowd stomped and clapped, –
    The piers all collapsed, –
    And the band (one could say) went off-quay.

  44. I wish that my room had a key
    to this door that imprisons me.
    Don’t even begin
    to ask why it’s locked from within.
    If I knew, I’d already by free!

  45. Morning caffeine in a cup key,
    husband went to make my coffee.
    What is arranged here,
    stacked up in a tier.
    A mistake heard me say toffee.

  46. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Dial” M For Murder, a 1954 film, directed by Alfred Hitchcock

    If you’ve seen this great film, you’ll agree
    That from murder, a killer can’t flee.
    A “chief” who was slick
    Used a real clever trick:
    With a key, and that key was the “key”

  47. Zaila champ at this year’s spelling bee,
    first Black American in history.
    Etymology you need,
    Philology indeed.
    Understanding above words part of key.

  48. A syllable miscount.

    Zaila champ at this year’s spelling bee,
    first Black American in history.
    Etymology you need,
    Philology supersede?
    Understanding above words part of key.

  49. Dave Johnson says:

    Her method for teaching us cursive
    Could sometimes be somewhat immersive.
    She hasn’t a hint,
    But today I just print;
    A notion she’d see as subversive.

  50. Lisi Nortman says:

    Writing Style: Stream of Consciousness

    This man didn’t smell like a rose
    I must throw out all my red clothes
    The day that I bled
    The blood was bright red
    Which reminds me of very sore toes

  51. Lisi Nortman says:

    a slight modification: Writing Style: Stream of Consciousness

    This man doesn’t smell like a rose
    I must throw out all my red clothes
    The day that I bled
    The blood was bright red
    Now I’m thinking about my sore toes

  52. Kirk Miller says:

    To identify dogs, we agree
    That a strap ’round the neck is the key.
    Has the owner’s last name;
    The phone number of same.
    This technique is named “collar ID.”

  53. Connecticut pie company,
    spun numerous tins, first Frisbee.
    But with tin high alert,
    a person could get hurt.
    Change to plastic less pain the key

  54. Dave Johnson says:

    (Revision for my 1:07 pm posting above)

    Her method for teaching us cursive
    Would often be somewhat immersive.
    She hasn’t a hint,
    But today I just print;
    A practice she’d view as subversive.

  55. Tim James says:

    Mark Twain’s language: an erudite treat.
    Ernest Hemingway’s prose: short and sweet.
    Written discourse and wit
    Then went wholly to shit
    As the “President” babbled by tweet.

  56. If genie grants three wishes here’s key,
    ask for three more repeat honestly.
    Could be here awhile,
    be shameless and smile.
    Can redeem all of them interest-free.

  57. Everyone wants house that’s turn-key,
    do not want renovations please.
    Tearing up an abode,
    after own home has sold.
    Dealings with contractor Chablis.

  58. Dave Johnson says:

    Some writers are harried and fraught;
    And proof reading’s never a thought.
    With deadlines so short,
    It is sad to report
    Thos typos ar esy to pot.

  59. Preston ate all his panini,
    playing orchestra’s timpani.
    he can’t handle rhythm,
    though sandwich now in him.
    The man always sounded off key.

  60. Deborah has an advance degree,
    makes you think child prodigy.
    But what you don’t know,
    doesn’t really show.
    She just ages backwards kook-key.

  61. Terry Marter says:

    To enter my swanky new Flat
    I just punch in a code, – and that’s That!
    The fourth Fail with my “Key”
    triggered Voicemail to Me:
    “Your new Key-code is under the Mat.”

  62. Rudy Landesman says:

    Aristophanes and – (let me see)
    Those tragedians – (I think there were three)
    They wrote plays for a while
    In their ancient Greek style.
    I regret, that is all Greek to me.

  63. Rudy Landesman says:

    For really a very long while
    I struggled with one author’s style.
    “Ulysses” by Joyce,
    That book is my choice
    To start a new “Do Not Read” pile.

  64. Terry Marter says:

    I only recently learned this (Foot): A poetic foot is “a unit of stressed and unstressed syllables in a line of poetry”.

    She Brags when she’s Put to the Test,
    “I can Rhythmic’ly Rhyme with the Best.
    And in Metrical Song
    I’ve not Put a ‘foot’ Wrong, –
    I’m the Best, and my Name’s Anna Pest”.

  65. Brian Allgar says:

    English spelling is hell. Readers wish
    The word “ghoti” were not pronounced “fish”.
    And they wonder if “quay”
    Should be spoken as “kay”?
    No, it’s “key”! As for Lilian Goti …

  66. Brian Allgar says:


    They complain I don’t write stylishly,
    But, hell, I don’t need no degree
    To earn a huge fee
    From bestsellers. The key?
    My readers are dumber than me.

  67. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    In a manner excessively florid,
    I pen horror tales grisly and torrid.
    All my critics agree
    I have mastered the key
    To a writing style perfectly horrid.

  68. Rudy Landesman says:

    e.e. cummings wrote verse that was “free”
    and no capital letters used he
    and the reason for that
    keep it under your hat
    a malfunctioning typewriter key

    Writing style and key

  69. Sharon Neeman says:

    “I’m not sure that my work has a style,”
    Said one senior; “it’s been quite a while
    Since my writings were read —
    Not to mention in bed —
    But I hope that they’ll give you a smile.”

    Said the other, “A ‘smile’?! Don’t you see
    That that’s NOT what’s important to me?
    Here, just give me your hand —
    Do you feel that? How grand!
    That response — not a ‘smile’ — is what’s key.”

  70. Tim James says:

    A fellow was learning to ski
    And discovered that steering is key.
    He’d been schussing a while
    As he focused on style
    When he suddenly met with a tree.

  71. Jean McEwen says:

    The far right insists Francis Scott Key
    Never thought that the “powers that be”
    Would be so overbearing
    And mandate the wearing
    Of masks in his ”Land of the Free.”

  72. Jean McEwen says:

    When you’re writing a brief, don’t just say
    The court “should” or “should not”; that won’t sway
    Any judge. No, Instead
    Explain WHY what they’ve read
    Should incline them to see things your way.

  73. Lisi Nortman says:

    My mind seems to be overflowed
    With verses I need to unload.
    Can’t write prose, can’t write plays,
    Or not one fancy phrase.
    My brain’s stuck in limerick mode.

  74. Tony Holmes says:

    “To achieve great success, what is key?”
    “Not – I’ll tell you straight off – asking me!
    I’m a bum; a dead loss—’
    “Hold your horses, there, boss.
    I was thinking out loud.” “Oh! I see.”

  75. Ninth grade average reading level,
    seventh grade blockbuster revel.
    Flesch Kincaid Index,
    writing less complex.
    So opposite of bedevil

  76. Lisi Nortman says:

    Writing Styles: Limericks by Lisi

    My surgeon knew just what to do,
    Cuz sadly, my brain turned to goo.
    He ably removed
    All the rot in each groove,
    But the lim’riks were stuck in like glue.

  77. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oops! Rhyming Error! Writing Styles, “Limericks by Lisi”

    I must tell you my surgeon felt blue,
    And upset cuz my brain turned to goo.
    He tried to remove
    All the rot in each groove.
    But the lim’riks were stuck in like glue.

  78. Utilize the Flesch Kincaid Index,
    Promotes improved writing less complex.
    Ninth grade average level,
    seventh you will revel.
    Confirmation in best selling specs.

  79. Little early for Christmas trees,
    Santa Clause sliding down chimneys.
    But I don’t understand,
    I say chimneys be banned.
    Shouldn’t we give Santa some keys?

  80. Lisi Nortman says:

    I thought I would go into shock.
    (Took a breather, and walked round the block)
    I at last found the key
    To success, but poor me:
    Seems somebody changed the damn lock.

  81. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’m in trouble today, woe is me!
    Lost my cell, gee, now where could it be?
    Hmm, maybe my car!
    I can’t get real far:
    Gotta ask my phone, “Where is my key?”

  82. Lisi Nortman says:

    Similar Limerick

    I’m in trouble today, woe is me!
    Lost my cell, now just where could it be?
    Hmm, maybe my car?
    Well, I can’t get real far
    Cuz my phone is attached to my key.

  83. Tony Holmes says:

    “When it comes to survival, you’ll see
    You have choices. To stand, or to flee.
    You might run – all is lost:
    Or fight back – to your cost.
    Knowing which to do when is the key.”

  84. Lisi Nortman says:

    Writing Styles: The REAL story of Evelyn Woods, who popularized “Speed Reading” “Evelyn Confesses”

    “All night, I would ponder and sit:
    Should my first sentence start with an “It”?
    Or maybe a “The”?
    Perhaps, simply an “A”?
    Or teach students to not give a shit?”

  85. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Dear John/Dear Jane writing style

    The “mince no words” style is real fun.
    Simply write to the lady, “We’re done”
    And just one more thing,
    When she gives back the ring,
    Run like hell, cuz her dad’s got a gun.

  86. Crazy news story on BBC,
    escapee mailed self COD.
    Discovered by UPS,
    didn’t send himself express.
    That simple choice monumental key.

  87. Grecian god Pan began the goatee,
    many modern men are devotee.
    Even on Brad Pitt,
    not enhanced one bit.
    Pan rocks facial hair choice, half-goat key.

  88. Lisi Nortman says:

    Corrected Limerick

    Dear John/Dear Jane writing style:

    Writing “mince no words” style is real fun.
    Just send on a note, “We are done”
    And just one more thing,
    When she gives back her ring,
    Run like hell if her dad’s got a gun.

  89. Lisi Nortman says:

    This Pandemic has been keeping me
    At home, (where I don’t want to be.)
    Thought I’d take in a flick.
    But was told to leave quick.
    (Spotted “Stir Crazy” on the marquee.)

  90. Bob Turvey says:

    In the office of young writer Miles,
    Were wooden steps in distinct piles.
    On these he would write;
    And he got great delight,
    In trying out new writing stiles (sic).

  91. How much more pleasant life could be,
    and with greater efficiency.
    If during carjack,
    instead of attack.
    To say, “Please sir, may I have key?”

  92. If you could enunciate please,
    it would put me much more at ease.
    Not sure what you said,
    just captured a shred.
    It sounded like, “give me don-key.”

  93. Revisit genie poem a key,
    ask for three wishes repeatedly.
    That sounds so much better,
    could be a trend-setter.
    Genie limericks two weeks whoopee.

  94. Think back “Newlywed Game” on tv,
    frequently talked of making whoopee.
    Bob Eubanks an asset,
    wrong answers some regret.
    Eubanks as funny referee key.

  95. Tony Holmes says:

    “As in art, so in verse, what is key?
    That is simple – per-SON-al-i-TY.”
    Says Johann von Goethe.
    (He gave us Young Werther.)
    I could wish he had chosen esprit.

  96. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Unforgiving Writing Style Of A Doctor

    You’re given a vital prescription
    With a real scientific description
    Of the pills that you need,
    But the druggist can’t read
    The script, so he has a conniption.

  97. Lisi Nortman says:

    Sneaky Student Gets An “F” In Poetry Class: Angry Teacher Speaks:

    “Your flowery writing exposes
    Your joke about just where my nose is.
    Use another technique.
    Try something unique.
    Don’t you know I’m allergic to roses?”

  98. Doctor explained vision problems key,
    “diagnosis there seems to be three.”
    “Am I going blinded?,”
    celebrity whined.
    “Case of me, myself, and I Hayley.”

  99. Lisi Nortman says:

    Ernest Hemingway: A New And Puzzling Writing Style Appears

    When Ernest wrote all of that prose,
    An in’tresting question arose:
    Is this man a true writer
    (Who couldn’t be brighter)
    Or a newsman in storybook clothes?

  100. Really cheesy formulaic smutty harlequin romance writing style.

    Jane ached with unquenchable desire,
    heaving bosom, whole body on fire.
    Held in Brad’s muscular arms,
    tall handsome architect charms.
    Eyes locked, their passion grew even higher.

  101. Terry Marter says:

    Hadn’t sorted my Lim’s for a while,
    So I sifted out those that were Vile
    Added labels Et cetera
    Like Best; Better; Betterer, –
    Still searching for one that has Style.

  102. Terry Marter says:

    To develop great “Style” would be bliss
    I thought: “I should look into this”
    The best start,- so I’ve heard,
    Is to Search for the Word.
    All I found ref’renced line one in this.

  103. Terry Marter says:

    My Lim’ style needs help through and through,
    Don’t ask Mad, – she has Too much to do.
    I was Lost. Mark told Me:
    “If you’re stuck at line three,
    I suggest you refer to line Two”

  104. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I went to a door store to see
    What choices were open to me.
    A sign on their stock
    Read, “Pick Your Own Lock.”
    But I want one that comes with a key.

  105. Rudy Landesman says:

    Some books have no style. Who’s to blame?
    Upside down, they (to me) look the same.
    I’m really no dunce.
    I read a book once.
    Remind me, just what was its name.

  106. Terry Marter says:

    She agreed to stay-over with me, –
    I had promised her Afternoon Tea
    We curled up with a book
    Which to bed we soon took, –
    Fifty Shades of Earl Grey was the Key.

  107. Terry Marter says:

    As a child, learning problems caused fighting
    This in turn taught me words used for blighting.
    While still mastering those, –
    Took an interest in Prose
    Which I wrote using all joined-up writing.

  108. Lisi Nortman says:

    “That No Good So And So” Writing Style By Lisi Frost

    My darling, don’t leave me forsaken.
    Don’t go, I will make you some bacon.
    (I spiked it with strychnine)
    He sure didn’t feel fine.
    And rolled down a road much less taken.

  109. Lisi Nortman says:

    “The Unforgiving Writing Style Of Doctors” (changed, due to what looks like a rhyming error from yesterday at 1:11 PM)

    You’re given a vital prescription.
    (Is your doctor obsessed with encryption?)
    These pills you sure need,
    But the druggist can’t read
    The script, so he has a conniption.

  110. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    “I don’t care they give two nights for free —
    This motel is too creepy,” said she.
    “The bolts are all dead;
    There’s a chain on the bed;
    And what’s up with this skeleton key?”

  111. Lisi Nortman says:

    Writing Styles: The use Of Similes: Twinkle Twinkle

    I’m going to fly very high.
    The reason? I just cannot lie.
    I love jewl’ry and bling.
    I would love a new ring.
    And that diamond’s way up in the sky.

  112. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Official Pick-Up Line For Brainless Bimbos: “Gullible Bar and Grill”

    “To my heart, I now give you the key.
    You’re so beautiful, gosh, golly gee.
    Never said this before,
    I would love to explore.
    Please show me that you are a she.”

  113. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mensa Meeting, Chairperson: Today’s Topic: How To Act In Good Taste

    “Welcome geniuses, here is the “key”
    Never brag, it’s as rude as can be!
    You must always act normal.
    Don’t use words that are formal.
    For more insight, just ask clever me.”

  114. There’s an intriguing hierarchy,
    within honey bee colony.
    Drone’s impregnates queen,
    gets strength from cuisine.
    Royal Jelly for monarch-key.

  115. I think this is a better version:

    There’s a fascinating hierarchy,
    internal honey bee colony.
    Drone impregnates the queen,
    strengthened from her cuisine.
    Royal Jelly grows best monarch-key.

  116. Some times our mother spoke in code,
    seen by puzzled expressions showed.
    Had a swear word spree,
    need no answer key.
    Frick, frack, arg, roc, fizz she’d explode

    Never actually heard my mom ever use real swear words. At least not in front of her kids. My dad, on the other hand, was very prolific with profanity.

  117. Lisi Nortman says:

    I write. like I speak. not much drama.
    I never. have use. for a comma.
    My phrasing. concise.
    With real. sound advice.
    Respect. fully. yours, B. Obama.

  118. Lisi Nortman says:

    That was a mistake. THIS is what it was supposed to look like.

    I write. Like I speak. Not much drama.
    I never. Have use. For a comma.
    My phrasing. Concise.
    With real. Sound advice.
    Respect. Fully. Yours. B. Obama.

  119. Bob Turvey says:

    To read some “Great Books” is a trial;
    Bodice rippers excite and beguile.
    Text books need hard study;
    Horror stories are bloody –
    And Mad’s writing style makes me smile.

  120. Physician was obviously newbie,
    left mafia now ER attendee.
    You could tell by advice,
    but happy to pay price.
    Take two cannoli call in morning key.

  121. Russell Duarte says:

    I started my career as a Lackey
    Worked my way up to a Disc-Jockey
    Pinch-Hit as a Crooner, but I sang Off-Key
    I decided enough of this Malarkey
    I got serious and became a Bookie
    Sadly, I got involved in some Hanky-panky,
    Now, I’m on the Lam and am keeping Low-“Key”

  122. All this yelling like a banshee,
    a male it’s really banhee.
    Years of silent vow,
    got to him some how.
    Our best guess being a monk – key.

  123. Tim James says:

    Hat tip (and apologies) to Melanie Safka

    I got roller skates, you got a key;
    We should try them together, you see.
    You may think I’m the worst,
    But I’m scarcely the first
    To frame footwear so sexually.

  124. Russell Duarte says:

    Looked for a place to hide the key
    The flowerpot & mailbox were too obvious, you see
    Think outside the box, the solution”s easy
    Leave the door unlocked, and take it with me

  125. Lisi Nortman says:

    A amazingly unique writing style: “The Book Thief” by Markus Zusak
    Here is why:

    Even though the whole setting is vile,
    There are times that this book makes you smile.
    Be prepared, hold your breath,
    Cause the narrator’s “DEATH”
    And that is one rare writing style.

    (I couldn’t put it down)

  126. Tony Holmes says:

    You can live on a Florida key.
    Ernest Hemingway did – lit’rally.
    He had cats with six toes,
    A phenom’, I disclose,
    Obligingly termed, polydactyly.

  127. Dance Zumba, husband comes along,
    we both love rhythm of each song.
    Just disharmony,
    his clothing off-key.
    Hubby insist on wearing thong. *

    * Husband has never worn a thong.

  128. Dancing Zumba, wife comes along,
    we both love rhythm of song.
    Just disharmony,
    her clothing off-key.
    Wife insists on wearing a thong.*

    * I have never worn thong. Though husband ok if I did.

  129. Lisi Nortman says:

    “I am Pam, and I love to drink juice.
    Pam I am and I also love goose.”
    Did that make you smile?
    Of course! It’s the style
    Of our lovable friend, Dr. Seuss.

  130. Terry Marter says:

    I write limericks
    I tried them in Haiku style
    They do not rhyme much.

  131. Terry Marter says:

    I write limericks
    I tried them in Haiku style
    They do not rhyme much.

    I write lim’ricks, I’ve tried Haiku Style
    Kept me busy a very long while .
    This line’s good it has seven
    Syllables (Haiku heaven)
    But there’s 5-7-5 duds on my pile.

  132. Lisi Nortman says:

    Writing Styles: One Play To Avoid, A Style Known As “Impossible”

    If you like reading Shakespeare, that’s swell.
    Without question, he sure did excel.
    But I warn you “first hand”
    You will NOT understand
    “All’s Well”, it will make you unwell.

  133. Lisi Nortman says:

    A Slight Twist In The Punch

    If you like reading Shakespeare, that’s swell.
    Without question, he sure did excel.
    But I warn you “first hand”
    You will NOT understand
    “All’s Well”, that just ends up like hell.

  134. Rudy Landesman says:

    Key Largo’s my favorite key.
    Key West isn’t my cup of tea.
    It’s just a bit fey,
    And we’re not that way,
    My pal Humphrey Bogart and me.

  135. Rudy Landesman says:

    In Havana they yearn to be free.
    But why would they then pick on me?
    I’m from politics far.
    But that sign in a bar:
    “No Gringos entrarse Aquí “

  136. Ryan Tilley says:

    It’s a pie with a lime from a Key
    Or perhaps, from a Mexican tree.
    It aspires to be tart
    With a tang off the chart.
    It’s a fraud if it’s sweeter than tea!

  137. Tim James says:

    “Your style with parentheses stinks,”
    Said my prof (I don’t care what she thinks
    (Though she’s smart (she’s from Yale
    (Maybe Harvard; I fail
    To recall (I’ve had too many drinks))))).

  138. Daisy ward says:

    He was thinking he had the key
    To my heart and also me
    He figured it wrong
    He thought my feelings were strong
    He lost himself and also me

  139. Lisi Nortman says:

    Relax with a nice cup of tea.
    Grab a book that will cause you to see
    That life is just splendid
    As the Maker intended.
    And try not to read “Sarah’s Key.”

  140. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Hat tip to Tim James (a musical limerick –fun!)

    As I scroll through the Mad Blog with glee,
    Tim is singing! How cool can that be?
    I knew he could do it —
    He skated right through it —
    On a roll and in Melanie’s key!

  141. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    After Ponce de Leon sailed the main
    From the Florida coast back to Spain,
    He cried, “Izzy, it’s me!
    I’ve discovered a key!”
    She said, “Keep it. I just want the chain.”

  142. Byron Miller says:

    Though beguiled, when Fay’d flipped me the key
    To her new Maserati GT,
    I soon felt like a jerk
    When the key wouldn’t work:
    For, Fay’d fobbed off a faux fob on me.

  143. Lisi Nortman says:

    Fell in love, gave the boyfriend my key.
    Then he met someone else, oh dear me!
    That “so and so” Jack
    Never gave that key back.
    Then the 2 of them stole my TV.

  144. Lisi Nortman says:

    Writing Styles: “Romeo and Juliet”

    I sit and I muse and I ponder.
    Gee why does my mind always wander?
    Guess I’m just an ole’ chap
    Who don’t give a crap
    ‘Bout lights breaking through the blue yonder.

  145. Lisi Nortman says:

    My LAST Attempt For a Punch

    If you like reading Shakespeare, that’s swell.
    Without question, he sure did excel.
    But I warn you “first hand”
    You will NOT understand
    “All’s Well” (you will ends up not well.)

  146. Steve Benko says:

    “Oh wow, bombs!” exclaimed Francis Scott Key.
    “They’ll forget me post-haste if I flee.”
    So he sat there all night,
    Fretting “What shall I write?”
    Till his brainstorm: “Oh say can you see!”

  147. Steve Benko says:

    Said the pedant, “You mustn’t use ‘ain’t,’
    Or else readers like me will all faint.”
    But Mark Twain, quite unfazed,
    Said, “It’s how Huck was raised;
    It’s the portrait of life that I paint.”

  148. Dale Carnegie exemplary writer,
    few in literary world are brighter.
    Attain friends, solid rules,
    people skills, savvy tools.
    His books justifying an all-nighter.

  149. Lisi Nortman says:

    A Reply To Steve Benko: The EXACT Same Controversy About
    Colloquialism, 68 years later.

    Oh how, your said pedant would sigh
    If he saw how his rules went awry.
    A new generation
    Captured more “liberation”
    In that teenage hit, “Catcher In Rye”

  150. Rudy Landesman says:

    The third stanza of “Say can you see”
    Bans slaves from the land of the free.
    Scott lauded the flood
    Of African blood.
    A racist was Francis Scott Key.

  151. Russell Duarte says:

    As I fretted and fumed and fumbled with the key
    Said the whiz-kid to me, that thing’s a dummy
    That technology’s long since outdated
    These days everything’s voice-activated
    All you have to do is say “Open Sesame “

  152. Steel tycoon and self-help writer keys,
    hard working men from poor pedigrees.
    One taught how to be friend,
    other amends in end.
    Meet Andrew and Dale both Carnegies.

    Over 30 million copies sold of Dale’s book “How to win friends and Influence People.” Andrew ruthless business man, turned philanthropist, donated nearly all of his massive fortune.

  153. Lisi Nortman says:

    Complicated Writing Styles

    I’m ashamed to admit I cannot
    Figure out a real intricate plot.
    I don’t often complain
    About Dick and Jane,
    But I’m very suspicious of Spot.

  154. Tim James says:

    It starts low, with “Oh say, can you see…”
    Then goes high, to a crazy degree.
    By “the rockets’ red glare”
    You’ll be gasping for air.
    You can’t possibly sing it on-Key.

  155. Lisi Nortman says:

    Writing Styles: The Frustrating Problem Of Haiku

    Most Haiku just doesn’t make sense.
    (A problem that makes poets tense.)
    They try and they try,
    But at times, come up dry.
    I’m not lying, it’s true, and I. Fence.

  156. Sondra Landin says:

    I give many a concert for free,
    I’m praised for my awesome philanthropy;
    My parties are legend
    With greats like John Legend,
    So don’t dare imply that I sing off-key.

  157. Models say warm water is key,
    add lemon, picked that from my tree.
    “Does it really work?”
    I said with a smirk.
    Who cares, it’s a beverage for free.

  158. Lemon water and a little black sheath,
    looking sexier for your husband Keith.
    Rinsing you teeth major key,
    or tooth enamel could flee.
    You might get thinner, but also your teeth.

  159. Lisi Nortman says:

    Writing Style “Old As The Hills”

    There is something that needs to be said
    ‘Bout the style known as “Roses Are Red.”
    The time is now due
    To compose something new.
    I’ve a feeling them roses are dead.

  160. Sondra Landin says:

    Great Scott, I thought, humming quite randomly,
    I’ve forgotten the words and the key!
    But I stand up there bold,
    ‘Cause I’ve just medalled gold,
    And I’m happy – oh say, can’t you see?

  161. Lisi Nortman says:

    Writing Style: “Fancy Quill”

    My typewriter’s now on the blink.
    And that made me ponder, then think:
    Though its style is ornate,
    It must be out-of-date,
    Cause I constantly dip it in ink.

  162. Sondra Landin says:

    Me and him scoped that big writers’ party;
    Great authors were there-all quite arty;
    Their discussions waxed warm,
    About grammar and form;
    Then I knew I was not such a smarty.

  163. Lisi Nortman says:

    I write in a style called “Perfection”
    Most geniuses own my collection.
    My most recent book
    Can be found at “The Nook”
    It’s right in the “Nursery Section”

  164. Geico’s spoke pig Maxwell is the key,
    in funniest commercial to me.
    Love when he stuck out head,
    from car window and said.
    With two spinning pinwheels “wee wee wee.”

  165. I’ve been told I have “piano hands”,
    can do some thing pianist demands.
    Long fingers reach with ease,
    all the eighty-eight keys.
    Can’t read music that ruins my plans.

  166. Dining out for dinner I’ll divulge,
    maybe early morning tummy bulge.
    Spandex from neck to knee,
    is my face-saving key.
    Whenever I might over indulge.

  167. Excited invited to this thing,
    wondering what supplies I should bring.
    New to a quilting bee,
    question important key.
    How do you make sure they never sting?

  168. Lisi Nortman says:

    Writing Style: Romantic Poetry, by Lisi Lord Tennyson
    “Love In The Clouds”

    O, Love, you’ll see, then understand
    The yon rich sky is stunningly grand.
    We’ll make love over town,
    But we’ll never get down.
    I do knoweth not of how to land.

  169. Lisi Nortman says:

    Something tells me that wasn’t a limerick!
    “Love In The Clouds” by Lisi Shakespeare, a new writing style

    O, Love, you will soon understand.
    Thee sky, so yon rich tis real grand.
    We’ll make love o’re the town,
    But we’ll naught ever down,
    Cuz me thinks I don’t know how to land.

  170. Steve Benko says:

    “Their writing is so high-falutin’
    That I feel like I’m swallowing gluten.
    Donald, no need for thanks;
    Purge your speechwriters’ ranks
    And use mine from now on,” offered Putin.

  171. Rudy Landesman says:

    van Beethoven’s Symphony Seven,
    My mood it does joyfully leaven.
    Don’t remember which key.
    They’re all major to me.
    They unlock gates to musical heaven.

  172. Rudy Landesman says:

    In Barnstable County, Cape Cod,
    There’s a town that’s divine and quite odd.
    And take it from me
    We all have the key
    To Provincetown, man’s gift to God.

  173. Steve Benko says:

    If you simply can’t learn how to ski,
    There’s hope for you, take it from me.
    A nice trip to Aspen
    Can still leave you gaspin’;
    To bed the instructor is key.

    From Mad:
    During the late 60’s I played oboe at the Aspen Music Festival for three summers, so I can certainly relate! (But the “gaspin'” was more related to the oxygen-challenged height.)

  174. Clay Wild says:

    Writing styles – ‘when and how’ is the key
    To explain is ‘expositor-y’
    A poem, how ‘descriptive’
    ‘Narratives’ quite addictive
    If ‘persuasive’, ALL are good, we’ll agree!

  175. Clay Wild says:

    It’s ‘the TRUTH’ that some blindly can’t see
    ‘Hating’ filters things myopic’ly
    Choices taken away
    By wedged doors, in a way
    Be objective, it’s surely the key!

  176. Clay Wild says:

    A stray dog eyed me sideways to see…
    If I’d make a good hydrant or tree
    My soccer shin guard
    Had to work extra hard
    To be wearing it sure was the key!

  177. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Things That Are Funny. A writing Style by Lisi:
    “The Key”

    It was funny when we lost the key,
    And you said I must pay the whole fee.
    “Hellos” and “Goodbyes”
    And real funny cries.
    Somehow, that’s not funny to me.

    You finally found the right “key”
    The day that you met funny Leigh.
    Mem’ries sure make me cry.
    Funny, I don’t know why.
    I guess they’re not funny to me.

    It’s funny how I can’t forget
    Just one very funny regret.
    You surely did roar.
    When you walked out that door.
    To my heart, you’ve no longer the key.

  178. Lisi Nortman says:

    Corrected Limerick: A Key Writing Style

    You said, “Funny! We’ve just lost the key.
    My darling, you must pay the fee.”
    All the girls think you’re funny.
    You call all of them “honey”
    But none of that’s funny to me.

    The day that you met funny Leigh,
    You said that you found the right “key”
    To a real funny life,
    Full of laughter, no strife.
    But that wasn’t funny to me.

    It’s funny that I can’t forget
    Just one little tiny regret:
    I met funny you,
    Guess that just wouldn’t do.
    My heart’s asking back for the key.

  179. Lisi Nortman says:

    It’s Wrong AGAIN !!!!!

    Verse 3

    I guess I just didn’t foresee
    That you never loved unfunny me.
    I cannot forget
    Just one tiny regret.
    My heart’s asking back for the key.

  180. Wanted: petite partner in studio,
    Garland hopeful movie career will grow.
    Musicals with Rooney key,
    stood a hair below five three.*
    Judy and Mickey, high stature in show.

    *Judy was tiny at four foot eleven.

  181. Judy’s back to Hollywood studios,
    What we’re editing out of future shows.
    Scarecrows, tinmen, lions please,
    or flying monkeys with keys.
    Last request no more blasted tornados.

  182. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Dickens often penned tales picaresque —
    Picturesquely grotesquely burlesque.
    Did his style come about
    As he tried this stuff out?
    Nah. He made it all up at his desk.

  183. Rudy Landesman says:

    Mitch McConnell quite often is seen
    On the Senate floor venting his spleen.
    He then spreads his bile
    In his own writing style,
    Aspiring to be King Trump’s queen.

  184. Rudy Landesman says:

    I often have gone for a rest
    To Tennessee’s place in Key West.
    What a wonderful key
    For authors like me!
    Stylish post cards I wrote there were best!

  185. Mike Moulton says:

    Pompeo knew it was risky
    Accepting a bottle of whisky,
    At a cost of six grand,
    So he used sleight of hand
    And put it behind his lock and his key

  186. Lisi Nortman says:

    People say I’m as old as can be.
    Guess it’s true, and I have to agree.
    Cause now and again,
    I still recall when
    A car needed more than one key.

  187. Lisi Nortman says:

    Thought I’d marry sweet William McGee.
    Felt he was just perfect for me.
    Bill filled me with awe
    Till the day that I saw
    Him cleaning his ears with a key.

  188. Lisi Nortman says:

    Allergic Reaction

    Today’s been like hell, woe is me!
    Woke up from a bite of a bee.
    Almost went into shock.
    Tried to get to the “doc”
    Couldn’t make it, the dog ate my key.

  189. Lisi Nortman says:

    The custodian, sad as could be,
    Was whis’pring a holy-like plea:
    “Oh Creator, above
    I beg you, with love
    Can you help me to find Master Key?”

  190. Contest coming to end, eyes blurry,
    neurons and dendrites in a flurry.
    Syllables right amount,
    rhyme, funny stories count.
    Sending to Mad Kane judge and jury.

  191. Rudy Landesman says:

    Two guys making love, you’ll agree,
    Raises questions. It’s mostly these three.
    It isn’t clear cut.
    In bed they’ll do what
    And with which and to whom. That is key.

  192. Rudy Landesman says:

    Let’s add some proper punctuation marks.

    Two guys making love, you’ll agree,
    Raises questions. It’s mostly these three.
    It isn’t clear cut.
    In bed they’ll do what?
    And with which? And to whom? That is key

  193. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    If your mem’ry (like mine) tends to flee,
    Then on road trips don’t carry (like me),
    Extra back-up for locks,
    In a small metal box,
    That to open requires a key.

  194. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    An Acrostic re Mad’s “Retirement Quandary”

    Alas, quandaries come with a twist,
    Adding stress we’d prefer to resist.
    But please keep this in mind,
    Be assertive, yet kind,
    As you tell Mark how much he’ll be missed.

  195. Terry Marter says:

    Since I’m deaf, just from hearing a gun
    I write lim’rick-style send-ups for fun!
    Stroke that Lock, – then the Trigger,
    It makes you feel Bigger
    “Happiness” (as John sang) “…a warm Pun”

    With apologies (and love) to John Lennon.

  196. madkane says:

    The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  197. Mike Moulton says:

    Better version i hop[e;

    Pompeo knew it was risky
    Accepting a bottle of whisky,
    At a cost of six grand,
    So he used sleight of hand
    And locked it up with his key

  198. Lisi Nortman says:

    A Plea From Creative Writing Teacher

    “Please write ONE sentence, don’t delay.
    And that’s your lesson for today.
    That “extra mile”
    In any style.
    Or I’ll get fired, come what May.

    “It really is a simple task
    A noun and verb is all I ask.
    Cuz if you fail,
    Then I shall sail
    To Land Of Doom, in darkness bask.

  199. Lisi Nortman says:

    Epilogue: I guess a teacher of creative writing should know
    that’s it’s: A noun and verb ARE all I ask.
    Or is it? LOL

  200. Writing limericks an addiction,
    currently having that affliction.
    Need to stop rhyming “key,”
    though been great fun for me.
    New word excellent prescription.

  201. Lisi Nortman says:

    Not A Duplicate

    A Plea To All Of My Creative Writing Students, None Of Whom Ever Listen:

    Write ONE sentence, and do not delay.
    That’s my plea on this unpleasant day.
    Go that one extra mile.
    Write in any ‘ole style.
    Of they’ll fire me soon, come what “May”

    It’s not a real difficult task.
    A noun and a verb’s all I ask.
    For if you should fail,
    I’m going to sail
    To Doomsville, in darkness I’ll bask.

  202. Brian Allgar says:

    Screamed Donald: “The truth will prevail!
    I’ll see you in prison, no fail!”
    Joe’s reply was low-key:
    “Why d’you think I’d agree
    To come visit you when you’re in jail?”

  203. Brian Allgar says:


    Split infinitives irritate me,
    Like a singer who’s singing off-key
    And can’t hit the right note,
    Or as if Shakespeare wrote
    “To be, or instead, to NOT be”.

  204. Terry Marter says:

    I at last ’get’ the meaning of ‘Style’
    (Kind of knew, but was still in denial):
    Make my Lim’ricks less ‘static’, –
    Less Mono-chromatic, –
    More ‘colourful’, – None of the ‘Vile’.

    Thanks for Waiting, I just had to Cull a
    Rude Word, (made my Limerick Duller).
    Thought I’d look up “Style Guide”
    Now I’m RE-mystified, –
    Seems my Lim’s must now All be one colour!

  205. Steve Benko says:

    In poetry form or in prose,
    There is no other writing like Poe’s.
    For a frightening word
    From a sinister bird,
    He finds ravens more scary than crows.

  206. Terry Marter says:

    An art forger I know said “You see, –
    the correct colour palette is key.
    ‘Can’t show you my best, now
    know Not where Faux-Art Thou!”
    (They were earlier stolen by Me!).

  207. Lisi Nortman says:

    Central Time vs. Eastern Standard Time
    AKA Chicago vs. New York

    If I think of a lim’rik at three,
    It’s a big waste of time, cuz you see:
    When it’s 3 o’clock here,
    It’s 4 o’clock there.
    And Mad’s locked the door with her key.

  208. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 475. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Wrap.