It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
His horn-rims, bow tie and slicked hair
Are so retro that people just stare.
He’s been growing rotund-er,
Which leads me to wonder
How someone so round can be square.
Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who wins the Special DISHONESTY-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
Dear Kelly Ann Conway: I swear
On my best day, I never would dare
To tap-dance like you,
Claiming something is true.
— Fred Astaire.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Dave Johnson, J Cosmo Newbery, Brian Allgar, Wendy Playter, Will T. Laughlin, Tim James,
Richard Campbell, Sharon Neeman, and Kirk Miller. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (STARE/STAIR RHYME DIVISION)
She stood by the uppermost stair;
Then rode down the banister bare.
Her lover’s surmise
From the look in her eyes:
“She’s warming my dinner with care.”
J Cosmo Newbery:
When Godiva paraded, all bare,
The townsfolk agreed not to stare.
But temptation was steep,
And young Tom took a peep,
Then swore he’d just looked at her hair.
When your gaze is a menacing stare,
And your small, piggy eyes seem to glare,
And your mouth is agape –
No, you’re not a Great Ape,
Just the POTUS they’re calling “Mein Herr”.
A classic rock fan named Janelle
Went down to her basement, but fell.
Her Led Zeppelin flair
Was smashed on the stair,
And now it’s a stairway to hell.
Will T. Laughlin:
World leaders continue to stare
At the man with the ludicrous hair:
They find it bewild’rin’
That refugee children
Give Trump such a pants-wetting scare.
When he and his bride tied the knot
Their relations were frequent and hot.
They made love on the stair.
Standing up. In a chair.
The result: a bad back is his lot.
The mountain path rose like a stair,
But it led to a grizzly bear’s lair.
What I did not foresee
Was that good-tasting me
Would become that damn bear’s dinner fare.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DISHONESTY LIMERICK DIVISION)
Alternative facts are so crass!
Their users lack wit, sense and class —
But oh, how they’ll grieve
When the web that they weave
Trips them up and they fall on their (_|_)!
I suspect that Trump lies when he speaks
About Vlad and the lev’rage he seeks.
“Money, hookers and pee?
He’s got nothing on me!”
Pity Trump; he’s been damaged by leaks.
Politicians have tried to disguise
Their false statements, a ploy I despise.
They’re not alternate facts
Or fake news. Each distracts
From the truth. They are just simply lies!
Will T. Laughlin: (Be sure to click on his line 5 link for the translation and Russian pronunciation.)
“Mr. Trump? We have all heard you bellow
That you don’t enjoy showers of yellow.
But the truth must be told:
Are you Russian-controlled?”
Said Trump: “это не твое дело!”
Trumpty Dumpty, he ran on a wall;
He said Mexico’d pay, I recall —
But that orange-haired liar
Set OUR pants on fire
By making us pay for it all.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
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