Finding Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was trying to find…*

or

A woman was thrilled with her find…*

or

A man was irate — he’d been fined…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Finding Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman who found she’d been fined
Worked hard at escaping her bind.
She got tied up in knots
Cuz the court system rots:
It seems justice and law ain’t entwined.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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98 Responses to “Finding Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A man was irate — he’d been fined
    In front of the judge he opined
    “I was not phoning while driving—
    To scratch my ear I was striving
    But policemen, like Justice, are blind!”

  2. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A fellow was trying to find
    Motivation to get his car shined
    But the lure of the telly
    And bread, butter and jelly
    Left him for chores disinclined

  3. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A woman was thrilled with her find
    A skirt of pure silk, fully lined!
    In the thrift shop—dirt cheap!
    But oh, she could weep—
    ‘Twas unflattering, when viewed from behind …

  4. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A man was irate—he’d been fined.
    He’d dropped a bank note—absent mind!
    A policeman, buttons glittering
    Then nabbed him for littering
    An action bizarre and unkind!

    [Sadly, based on a true story in England]

  5. Ira Bloom says:

    A fellow was happy to find,
    A young lass with no tits or behind:
    “I don’t know if it’s gay,
    But I like ‘em that way,
    And a penis? I guess I don’t mind.”

  6. Sancho Panza says:

    A fellow was trying to find
    The woman with the perfect behind.
    He fondled and caressed,
    Some hundreds of the best
    ‘Til he finally went out of his mind.

  7. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A fellow was trying to find
    The best pudding, and then came to mind
    A chilled orange sorbet
    That will please every gourmet
    Served up in its hollowed-out rind.

  8. A guy was annoyed to be fined
    For giving a piece of his mind
    To the arresting cop
    Who told him to stop—
    He didn’t, so now he’s confined.

  9. Diane Groothuis says:

    A fellow was trying to find
    A flea in his itchy behind
    A woman did pass
    Saying “Don’t scratch your arse”
    And he said “You are very unkind”.

  10. Stephen Fleming says:

    A fellow was trying to find
    A style somewhat more refined.
    He ravaged a lady
    By method most shady,
    Bumping but failing to grind.

  11. Wanda Psycho says:

    Willy Darkstar was trying to find

    A way to escape the egg where he was confined

    T’was an unsavory spell

    Which trapped him inside this hell

    Where he was sure he’d go out of his mind

  12. Chris Papa says:

    When staring at navel we find,
    Of screw head it does quite remind,
    So with turns, a few
    Counterclock, you
    Can detach your zaftig behind.

  13. John Sardo says:

    A man was irate he’d been fined
    For driving his car while half blind
    The judge said your foolish
    For being so muleish
    And tossed him in jail to unwind.

  14. John Sardo says:

    A woman was thrilled with her find
    A guy with a nifty behind.
    She grabbed his tight rear
    Went into high gear
    They frolicked for hours entwined.

  15. John Sardo says:

    A guy was thrilled with his find
    A gal with fine wine he had dined.
    All the way did she moan
    As he took her back home
    To unwind unconfined in a wild bump and grind.

  16. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman was thrilled with her find-
    The bag for so long she had pined,
    Was finally on sale:
    Such leather, such detail!
    Such style and it is so well designed!
    (OK, nothing crucial to Mankind!)

  17. Ailsa McKillop says:

    I too was once thrilled to find
    What I’d coveted time out of mind
    A fab Guinness tote
    Oh, how I did gloat!
    That it had been to eBay consigned …

  18. Mark Kane says:

    Caught naked and heavily fined,
    This couple felt they were maligned.
    With their form of free speech,
    At this desolate beach,
    They just tried to unwind with their grind.

  19. Craig says:

    Inspired by this recent news article:

    Bionic Bottom

    A cyclist was startled to find
    That an accident stole his behind!
    But with electronics
    And fancy bionics
    The fella’s now been re-assigned.

  20. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A housewife, emboldened to find
    That her diamond was one of a kind,
    Said, “See ya, you wimp!
    I’ll scrape and I’ll scrimp,
    But this stone will bring great piece of mined.”

  21. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow was sorry to find,
    His date not at all as defined.
    From that internet site,
    She appeared a delight,
    But now he just wished he were blind.

  22. Craig says:

    After trial and error I find
    I’ve diagonal sex on my mind.
    I feel so alive
    At degrees forty-five
    With a girl who is likewise inclined.

  23. Kirk Miller says:

    At a Starbucks the worker did find
    He was caught in a job most unkind.
    When the coffee machine
    Had been fixed and was clean,
    He returned to the same old grind.

  24. Oh wow that is very clever! Loved it =)

  25. Craig says:

    I’m sure Diane Wah will say “In your dreams” but …

    In a bar, this young hottie I find
    Wants to give me the old bump-and-grind.
    Though I’m older and fatter
    It’s mind over matter:
    It don’t matter, and I sure don’t mind.

  26. Craig says:

    Kevin Klein is an actor I find
    Who only APPEARS to be kind.
    Though he once signed a card
    He then crossed it out hard –
    Yes indeed, folks, my card was de-Kleined.

  27. Fred Bortz says:

    An autobiographical contribution. I’ll probably be back with another.

    A physicist, trying to find
    Why limericks ruled in his mind,
    Could never be certain,
    For Heisenberg’s curtain
    Hid measurements, making him blind.

  28. Diane Groothuis says:

    In Wedderburn I had a find
    (It’s an area very well mined)
    A small golden nugget
    Where no-one had dug it
    Near a church “Blessed be ties that bind”.

  29. Edmund Weisberg says:

    A fellow was trying to find
    The optimal way to unwind.
    He tried food and sex,
    Which at work got complex,
    Leaving him jobless and nearly blind.

    A woman was thrilled with her find,
    A nice guy with a marvelous mind.
    And not only that,
    Right where he sat,
    Arose a beautiful behind.

    A man was irate – he’d been fined
    For bad parking where he’d been wined and dined
    By a prospective boss
    Who was at a loss
    As to why the man screamed, cursed, and whined.

  30. Diane Groothuis says:

    A fellow was trying to find
    A lady who just didn’t mind
    His unusual leanings
    And sly double meanings
    As he saw she was very well wined.

  31. Fred Bortz says:

    The limerick writer was fined
    For the prurient thoughts in his mind.
    The judge called him uncouth
    For his indiscreet youth
    And crude actions of each shape and kind.

  32. yt cai says:

    That perfect cup Joe’s seeking to find
    From grounds that are freshly divined
    Shells out nine bucks
    At a local Starbucks
    Each day while on his way to the grind

  33. colonialist says:

    A woman was thrilled with her find –
    Her tummy had firmed and declined;
    The joy didn’t last,
    Her weight had all passed
    To settle upon her behind!

  34. colonialist says:

    A woman was hoping to find
    The truth in the term, ‘Love is blind’;
    It needed to be:
    Her visage, you see,
    Seemed as if Picasso-designed!

  35. yt cai says:

    The Parrot was feeling confined
    In a cage that’s poorly designed
    He won’t say that it’s thin
    As the bars touch his chin
    And the door is now his behind

  36. yt cai says:

    Digging deep made a stunning find
    In an orifice that is often mined
    As index finger goes
    Further into his nose
    Found boogers were there on his mind

  37. Jeff Shirley says:

    To my lady, I said, quite refined
    “You’ve a shapely and proper behind”
    She replied, “Please be crass,
    And say.. What a nice ass.
    For those words make me much more inclined.”

  38. A man was irate – he’d been fined
    That too just after he’d dined
    A wonderful game of peek-a-boo
    Followed by a dinner with brussel sprouts and shallots too
    “Drank too much again?” his wife whined

  39. Diane Groothuis says:

    Modern science progressing I find
    Has a shocking effect on the mind
    And who woulda thinkta
    A bionic sphincter
    Is there a fart button combined??

  40. kaykuala says:

    A woman was thrilled with her find
    Something she wanted all the time
    She was happy
    Needn’t be angry
    No more tantrums, tears nor whines

    Hank

  41. Foam Orama says:

    A woman was thrilled with her find
    She found a man, sexy and kind
    But when he spent her dough
    on women, wine and blow
    She tossed out the trash by his behind

  42. Rich D says:

    A fella was trying to find
    a shaker of salt left behind
    the bit with the pop top
    and busted up flip flop
    were distractions of a drunken kind

  43. Rich D says:

    Timmy was trying to find
    ways to his deep inner mind
    he felt so damned placid
    when he tried the acid
    till government got most unkind

  44. Rich D says:

    We’re counting on Craig for to find
    details of robot behind
    Like, did he say “Oh?”
    When C-3PO
    informed him he was so inclined?

  45. Rich D says:

    The cop at the crime scene did find
    the bodies of lovers entwined
    it seems that they died
    while he was inside
    a beast with two backs chalk outlined

  46. Kirk Miller says:

    Stevie Wonder, Ray Charles, both did find
    That the research they did was aligned
    To account for their plight.
    It was termed “out-of-sight!”
    ‘Cause the study was done double-blind.

  47. Rich D says:

    A fellow was trying to find
    exactly how AWOL’s defined.
    He found that a trip
    couldnt quite flip
    odomoters thusly designed

  48. Rich D says:

    A couple was trying to find
    partners of the swinging kind
    they took out an ad
    and found that they had
    plenty they could get behind

  49. James Hazelton says:

    A fellow was trying to find
    If he truly was losing his mind
    He said to the Doc
    When I go for a walk
    I keep leaving my trousers behind

  50. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A man was trying to find
    Some clean words for rhyme in his mind
    But was caught in a rut
    And could only find smut
    To suit verse of the filthiest kind

  51. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    An old maid was so thrilled to find
    She could fantasise with her old mind
    So each night around nine
    She’d imagine Einstein
    Was giving her a bloody good grind

  52. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    On his Talking Scales stood just to find
    If he’d gained more weight on his behind
    The Scales screamed , “Quick,
    Get off you fat prick,
    Before I become misaligned”.

  53. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A young lass was searching to find
    If she’d have any doubts in her mind
    When she met a bloke
    Who wanted a poke
    Would she leave her morals behind

  54. scott says:

    A fellow was trying to find,
    Why bigots can be so unkind,
    It doesn’t take glasses,
    To see those big asses,
    are more than a little behind.

  55. brian miller says:

    a fellow was trying to find
    his very own behind
    but even two handed
    he felt rather stranded
    a few of these people, i have in mind

    ha

  56. John Peter Larkin says:

    A fellow was trying to find
    a girl who was one of his kind.
    On his last blind date,
    when he said, “We should mate,”
    his offer was quickly declined.

  57. A woman was thrilled with her find
    She glimpsed it amiss
    and sent out a kiss
    and found it right on her behind

  58. Kirk Miller says:

    “If we screw doggie-style, you will find
    That you love it,” he said. “I don’t mind,”
    She replied. “Catch me, boy;
    Then some sex we’ll enjoy.”
    In the end, she was caught from behind.

  59. Tim James says:

    A woman was angered to find
    When driving, and hit from behind,
    That the shock of the bump
    Made her breast implants jump.
    So now her front end’s misaligned.

  60. Kirk Miller says:

    The best presents, I think you will find,
    Are the kind that are rather refined.
    If you want a big lift,
    Meditation’s the gift
    That’s the best. You get presence of mind.

  61. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    This for Dianne Groothuis:

    A few nuggets of gold I did find
    When one of the fossicking kind
    And at Wedderburn too
    I found one or two
    But that was 20yrs ago mind.

    Twas a pleasant pastime I did find
    As the Bush is good for your mind
    But my patience ran out I must say
    Cos’ the lucrative side didn’t pay
    And digging rubbish became a real grind

  62. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A man was irate he’d been fined
    Just because he had a foul mind
    And wrote limericks Crude,
    Rude and quite lewd,
    Plus some of the filthier kind.

  63. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    Old Grandpa was trying to find
    Any sex romps still in his mind
    But the state of his doodle
    Which resembled a noodle
    Was a sure sign those thoughts had resigned.

  64. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A chicken, arrested and fined
    By a thought-cop, contritely resigned
    To the jaywalking rap
    Without raising a flap:
    “I confess that the thought crossed my mind.”

  65. Craig says:

    “You got banned from the dance club and fined?
    For tardiness? Why would they mind?”
    “No, you misunderstand me –
    I said that they banned me
    For feeling a little behind.”

  66. Jeff Shirley says:

    Mathmeticians were heavily fined
    For non-payment of loans…what a bind
    But by law there’s no blame
    Dotted lines bore no name
    For instead, they had sined and co-sined

  67. A physicist trying to find
    The dark Matter of space had designed
    A cleverer test.
    “No luck!” he confessed.
    “Clearly, Matter can be over-Mined!”

  68. A woman was thrilled with her find:
    A Roman scroll, hard to unwind.
    But then her face fell.
    Tears started to well.
    She wailed, “But it hasn’t been signed!”

  69. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A peeping Venetian was fined
    So he hired a lawyer who whined:
    “Your honor, that maid
    Had lowered her shade—
    In effect, the Venetian was blind!”

  70. Fred Bortz says:

    In reply to Steve Whitred, re our usual opinion of SCOTUS:

    When the justices say that they find
    An opinion that boggles the mind
    It’s Nino and Thomas
    And Alito who bomb us
    With words which cause our teeth to grind.

    Now Ruth thinks that Nino’s refined,
    And I know that they often have dined
    Where they share jokes–so dirty,
    After which they hear Verdi
    Or Mozart if they’re so inclined.

    When voting in chambers they find
    That their views are not one of a kind.
    There’s plenty of venting
    When it comes to dissenting,
    And logic is left far behind.

  71. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A deviate was irate he’d been fined
    The charge was he had a Fowl mind
    So for rooting a chook
    The Judge threw the book
    For behaviour that was most unrefined

  72. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A Lesbian was thrilled with her find
    Of a Dildo , just the right kind
    With a knob either end
    She could share with her friend
    So they both could enjoy a good grind.

  73. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A decrepit old man tried to find
    A Hooker who’d give him a grind
    But when he showed one his doodle
    She cried, “With that noodle?
    Old feller your out of your mind.

  74. Diane Groothuis says:

    Now Lady Godiva did find
    She’d drive a man out of his mind
    She looked rather sweet
    As she went down the street
    Mode of transport? She surely equined.

  75. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A geriatric went out to find
    A Hooker in bed for a grind
    When his old boy played dead
    She said to him, “Fred
    Your sex drive is all in the mind”

  76. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A randy fellow was trying to find
    A Hooker that was so unrefined
    That she’d get on her knees
    Her lover to please
    So that he could enter behind.

  77. SO HE WAS SITTING ON IT?

    A fellow was trying to find
    The place where he’d left his Right Mind.
    Sadness left him bereft
    Of the Mind he had left…
    (All the time it was left right behind).

    (Sorry — it’s too hot to be clever.)

  78. We’ll awaken one morning to find
    That the Earth has been squeezed to the rind
    Of its oil. So what then
    For the world’s richest men?
    Bet the Bailout’s already been signed.

  79. Mr. Rencible came home to find
    His wife and his best friend entwined –
    *Man’s* Best Friend, I should say,
    An enormous Shar-Pei –
    And the sight of it troubled his mind.

    “Please stop it,” cried poor Mr. Rencible;
    “Bestiality’s quite indefensible.
    Oh, why go to hell
    For a sin you can’t spell?
    My darling, it just isn’t sensible!”

  80. Rich D says:

    It doesn’t surprise me to find
    lim’ricks of all sorts of kind
    we jump through our hoops
    but this fun ol’ group’s
    fond of the lesser refined

  81. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    He arrived home early to find
    A scenario far from his mind
    He discovered his Brother
    Having sex with his Mother
    So would that be incest of some kind?

  82. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    An old fellow was trying to find
    The energy to indulge in a grind
    But his “old boy” you see
    Was now 83
    And sex drive was all in his mind.

  83. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    Watched the US news today re Legalising Californian Gay Marriage and comment from one of the participants, hence:

    A Gay was happy to find
    He could now marry one of his kind
    And since that now was the case
    Look his lover in the face
    Instead of always being at his behind

  84. Mark Kane says:

    When staring at buns you may find,
    Right before you a curvy behind.
    If it’s lean, soft or round,
    Don’t you dare make a sound.
    Just enjoy it, and this she won’t mind.

  85. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A Hooker aided the blind to find
    The right spot to give her grind
    In Braille the direction
    Upon her midsection
    And also on her behind

  86. Mike Rice says:

    A fellow was trying to find
    Fruit from a too ripened vine
    But the grapes he ate
    Began to roil and grate
    So he stewed and drank them as wine

  87. Diane Groothuis says:

    A dressmaker lately did find
    Her eyesight was verging on blind
    She had many stresses
    Sewing those evening dresses
    Extremely, ornately se-quined.

  88. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A wanker was trying to find
    The answer to stop going blind
    For they’d warned this young hick
    “Stop flogging your dick,
    Or you’ll be joining the white cane kind.”

  89. Danielle Nowlin says:

    A girl on an airplane did find
    That she was feeling quite tightly confined.
    She asked, “Sir, could you sit
    With your seat up a bit?”
    Said he rudely, “I’m not too inclined.”

  90. Rich D says:

    the chef after work he did find
    affections for all kinds of rind
    i do like it best
    when it’s more than zest
    but underripe canteloupes bind

  91. Rich D says:

    A mathemetician did find
    some digits that were misaligned
    he thougt he could fudge it
    when making his budget
    but now all his notes are cosined.

  92. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow was trying to find
    A woman with sex in her mind.
    In asking around,
    He typically found
    The ladies were not so inclined.

  93. Dr. Goose says:

    A woman was trying to find
    Foundations adroitly designed.
    Her boobies, she knew,
    Were somewhat askew
    And she wanted to keep them aligned.

  94. Dr. Goose says:

    A banker was heavily fined
    For robbing his customers blind
    But made no admission
    Of sins of commission,
    In terms of the bargain he signed.

  95. Dr. Goose says:

    Bernanke is trying to find
    When recession is safely behind,
    Which allows him to taper
    The purchase of paper
    That’s turning out hard to unwind.

  96. Dr. Goose says:

    The boss wasn’t startled to find
    His new employees intertwined.
    He said with a smirk:
    “I knew in your work
    You’d be getting a little behind.”

  97. Dr. Goose says:

    A mogul, in trying to find
    A market that hadn’t been mined,
    Made tunes to be shared
    By the hearing-impaired
    And movies to show to the blind.

  98. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, the Limerick Saga Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 120

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Board