Limerick Board (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman felt terribly bored…*

or

A gal on a corporate board…*

or

A fellow who slept on a board….*

or

A youngster complained he was bored…*

or

A fellow was cutting a board…*

or

An animal burrowed and bored…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Board
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A sharp fellow who served on the board
Of a weapons co reached an accord:
They would discharge the chair–
He’d replace the man there,
As the fired guy fell on his sword.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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95 Responses to “Limerick Board (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Sancho Panza says:

    No ‘bawd’? I’m disappointed.

  2. As a bride Mrs Milton was bored
    To her dear husband John she implored
    “You wrote Paradise Lost”
    Then her legs she uncrossed
    “Now find paradise yet unexplored”

  3. Sancho Panza says:

    A woman was feeling quite bored
    So joined in a game with a cord.
    She became so besotted
    With being tied and knotted
    She won a macramé award.

  4. The Phantom, who slept on a board
    In the space the organ was stored,
    Would sing from his heart
    The whole villain’s part,
    For Christine, the girl he adored.

  5. Rosanna says:

    A woman felt terribly bored
    So she went out and bought a sword.
    She learned how to wield it
    But cut her hand with it
    She cried, fell asleep and snored.

  6. yt cai says:

    Results from the election board
    Was impossible for me to ignore
    The Supreme Court putsch
    Stuck us with George Bush
    Ironically America got “Gored”

  7. yt cai says:

    Genghis Kahn was Chairman of the Board
    Of a group known as the Golden Horde
    it’s name came from power
    not that kinky shower
    Despite what rained out of his sword

  8. yt cai says:

    The woodpecker steadily bored
    Until it broke through the board
    that mischievous prank
    led to failure of plank
    Leaving the birdwatchers floored

  9. yt cai says:

    With all of three jumpers on board
    The airplane kept moving toward
    the targeted drop site
    when out broke a fight
    In mid air for the only rip chord

  10. John Sardo says:

    A gal on a corporate board
    Opposed actions she rightly deplored.
    In dissent she was mired
    Until she was fired.
    With the board she could reach no accord.

  11. John Sardo says:

    A fellow who slept on a board
    Tossed from bed by his wife cuz he snored.
    He took a hard drink
    And before he could blink
    Slept floored on the board in distress he ignored.

  12. yt cai says:

    A pie maker became quite bored
    Until the last apple was cored
    left to own devices
    there piled up the slices
    After leaving on his own accord

  13. John Sardo says:

    A woman felt terribly bored
    Went out and acted untoward
    When offered some liquor
    Than candy much quicker
    Her actions next day she deplored.

  14. Laurie Baker says:

    A housewife so was totally bored
    Considered crafting a gourd
    “Creativity I’ll embrace
    By making it a vase”
    Her sanity was forever restored.

  15. Judith H. Block says:

    An animal burrowed and bored
    Even with the mate that he adored.
    He made up his mind
    To get out of this bind!
    There’s a world out there to be explored!

  16. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman felt terribly bored
    With herself and the life she abhorred-
    “GMOs I’ll dispute,
    And stop those that pollute.
    And injustice cannot be ignored!”

  17. Diane Groothuis says:

    A Banker was kicked off the board
    For indulging in corporate fraud
    He fiddled the books
    Attracting strange looks
    Cuz the balance could not be restored.

  18. Diane Groothuis says:

    A fellow who slept on a board
    And was seeking a giant reward
    Said “It’s covered with nails
    And always impales
    My willy – which now has been scored”

  19. rbasler says:

    The pilot said, “Welcome aboard!
    “Let me know when your luggage is stored
    “But remember, it might
    “Shift around during flight,
    “And conk you on top of your gourd!”

  20. A banker who serves on the Board
    Bought a mansion he couldn’t afford.
    When the payment is due,
    He’ll foreclose upon *you*…
    Equilibrium thus is restored.

  21. He wakened, as stiff as a board
    With Longing that can’t be ignored.
    But alas, our cavorting
    Is best described “Shorting”…
    And then he rolled over and snored.

  22. One day, when Jehovah was bored,
    Deep shit on his servant he poured.
    Cried Job, in his pain,
    “I don’t mean to complain,
    But you need a new hobby, O Lord!”

  23. I’ve got it! Let’s set the whole Board
    Adrift in the ocean, un-oared!
    These corporate yobs
    Took our money and jobs…
    Now it’s time they were TRULY offshored.

  24. One day, when King Alfred was bored,
    He put down his scepter and sword.
    Forthwith the King called
    To Bard Bertram the Bald:
    “Soothe my soul with a comforting chord!”

    The Bard began singing his song,
    And the comforted King hummed along…
    ‘Til a jealous vizier
    Whispered into his ear,
    “Oh, Your Majesty! Something is wrong!”

    “A rumor I’ve heard — a humdinger –
    Says that Bertram is really a ringer!”
    He continued, “I’ve heard
    In his beard is a bird,
    And the bird (not the Bard) is the singer!”

    Cried King Alfred, “How thoroughly weird…
    A Bard with a bird in his beard!”
    So he gave a command
    To the men close at hand
    That the Bard should be taken and sheared.

    Poor Bertram. It soon came to pass
    That they shaved his face smoother than glass.
    But the story absurd
    Of the bearded Bard’s bird
    Was just so much chin-music, alas.

    Once Bertram was shaven, the King
    Knew he’d done a regrettable thing.
    The King had been careless,
    And Bertram (the Hairless)
    Was never again heard to sing.

    So here is the moral, milord:
    It’s a lesson that can’t be ignored.
    If your Bard has a bird
    In his beard, mum’s the word…
    Or you’ll end up eternally bored.

  25. A giant termite burrowed and bored
    Through the Netherworld Hotel’s floor board
    It set everyone squealing
    From the sickening feeling
    Knowing that it was just one of a horde

  26. colonialist says:

    A youngster complained he was bored
    When during first half no-one scored,
    He left, with a scowl,
    Then set up a howl
    When figures on score-board just soared!

    The girlfriend complained she was bored,
    And felt she was being ignored,
    Her swain showed alarm
    And switched on the charm,
    So, as a result, he’s just scored!

  27. Took the pills now he’s stiff as a board
    Like a bobble-head Butternut gourd
    Turned around, scared the cat
    It should wear its own hat
    And be held by a leash or a cord

  28. Our old vacuum’s what nature abhorred
    But there’s not much I think she adored
    She was never that keen
    On our washing machine
    And she’s very abrupt with the Ford

  29. Fred Bortz says:

    Replace please. Bad meter in old one:

    Said the LHC Chair of the Board,
    “I hope we will get our reward.
    For finding the Higgs, I
    Can now prove that pigs fly,
    And Nobelists are in accord.”

  30. When some physicists sat around bored
    And their sense of capriciousness soared
    They said “Spin of one half
    Might be good for a laugh”
    But it turned out to be untoward

  31. If you’ve not seen Mad’s blog and you’re bored
    It is well worth a look, you’ll be floored
    Will L tells a story
    Deserving of glory
    And likely another award

  32. Fred Bortz says:

    He insists, “No, my dear, I’m not bored.
    In fact, I would say that I scored.”
    She replies, “I’ve concluded
    That you must be deluded.
    In less than a minute, you snored.”

  33. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    An old maid being terribly bored
    Purchased a “T” Model Ford
    But soon realised indeed
    Didn’t need so much speed
    So traded it in on a Buckboard.

  34. Diane Groothuis says:

    A gal on a corporate board
    Wore a tie which was thin like a cord
    A bra like Madonna
    Outside what was on her
    As catlike she scratched and she clawed

  35. Sue Dulley says:

    The pilot said Welcome Aboard,
    The plane’s engines rumbled and roared,
    As skyward we jetted
    Some flyers still fretted,
    The good Lord they implored while we soared.

  36. Sue Dulley says:

    A young man was just a bit bored
    With driving the car he adored
    He test drove a few,
    Kia, Jeep, Subaru….
    But ended up keeping his Ford.

  37. Sue Dulley says:

    She prays with her knees on a board
    Then the priest hears her sins for the Lord:
    “My stove doesn’t shine,
    I drank too much wine,
    I thought impure thoughts, and I hoard”.

  38. Sue Dulley says:

    As a packrat I seldom get bored
    Watching shows about people who hoard.
    It’s impossibly tough
    Letting go of old stuff
    But at least mine’s all tidily stored.

  39. Sue Dulley says:

    I hope this one won’t make you bored…
    There once was a singer called Gord
    And if I’m not wrong
    He’s still going strong.
    And his songs are all widely adored.

    Happy Canada Day everyone!

  40. Fred Bortz says:

    If near-rhymes are allowed, I offer this:

    The sow said, “I like to be boared,
    For when piglets come I am assured
    That I won’t be taken
    And turned into bacon
    Or otherwise smoked, cooked, or cured.”

  41. Fred Bortz says:

    Another rhythm correction:
    The sow said, “I like to be boared.
    When piglets come I am assured
    That I won’t be taken
    And turned into bacon
    Or otherwise smoked, cooked, or cured.”

  42. I’m sure that we all have the notion
    That it’s like a restorative potion
    To hear, after two
    Entire weeks without Sue,
    That she’s back on this side of the ocean!

    Welcome back, Sue!

  43. Sue Dulley says:

    Thanks Will! It’s great to be home. What a treat to come back to your bored / bard / beard / bird poem, and all the others. Looking forward to seeing what you did with ‘pound’ – I haven’t even read those yet.

  44. Diane Groothuis says:

    Now the bard and the beard & the board
    Was a story my soul has restored
    Bardie’s honour to save
    He had a close shave
    With a shaver without any cord.

  45. Coincidentally, thesaurus.com is featuring 5 ways to describe being ‘bored’

    There’s some synonyms for the word bored
    And the linguists o’er these words have pored
    They’re so varied and strange
    Circumscribing a range
    That the irony can’t be ignored

    Through these words I have burrowed and bored
    And ‘Insipid’s’ the one I adored
    But conversely, methinks
    ‘Platitudinous’ stinks
    For some reason it strikes a bad chord

    If you’re hitting your head with a board
    Then ‘ennui’ might your feelings accord
    If you think “God forbidic”
    This might be ‘bromidic’
    Like seltzers you may have once poured

    So the next time you think that you’re bored
    Be specific and try to record
    Are you blasé or jaded
    Indiff’rent or sated
    Bone weary or out of your gourd?

  46. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    Serene Sybil 01.07.2013

    Pretty Sybil felt terribly bored
    When the officers shouted we scored!
    Then they opened the bags
    Where they found only rags
    Cause’ they missed the big gourd with the hoard.

  47. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    The Soar Presentation 01.07.2013

    A young gal on a corporate board
    For the first time felt “Yes… I have scored!”
    “My new fashion called Ripples
    Looks real ‘fab’ on bare nipples
    and the proof’s in your fabric that soared.

  48. In Chordonia the people are bored
    Off of fighting and music they swored
    They’ve a boxer named Eddie
    A band at the ready
    But neither is striking a Chord

  49. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    You could plead, if you sat on the board
    Of GM and Chrysler and Ford,
    That they set as their bar
    A *dependable* car,
    But you never would reach an Accord.

  50. Tim James says:

    A guy on a corporate board
    Drove a company car, an Accord.
    He showed great indignation;
    ‘Twas beneath his high station!
    He’s in Oslo now, driving a Fjord.

    In Norway he soon became bored,
    His input dismissed and ignored.
    And so every day
    He called mom in L. A.
    That’s one long umbilical cord!

    His girlfriend, she slept on a board,
    And sex thereupon she adored.
    So through the long winters
    He picked up some splinters;
    In scoring, himself became scored.

  51. Dean Geier says:

    When Ole sailed back from the fjord
    He went to a big smorgasbord
    The lutefisk turned-
    and his stomach churned.
    His lunch ended up over starboard.

  52. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A fellow slept on a board
    And shared it one night with a broad
    Tried to play his next card
    But she said, “It’s too hard”
    Which explains why he never scored.

  53. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    There’s a Hooker who loved being bored
    By the gents she met when she whored
    So decided to get
    A Website on the Net
    And call it “Welcome Aboard”

  54. Mark Kane says:

    After marriage and children we’re bored.
    Our passion is mute, once it roared!
    Are handcuffs the answer?
    Or bucking like prancer?
    Why can’t we just play in our Ford?

  55. Mark Kane says:

    When she offered him free room and board,
    Not thinking that’s somewhat untoward,
    He quickly agreed,
    Then she watched as he peed!
    Could it be just the size of his sword?

  56. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A gal on a corporate board
    Suffered prejudice quite untoward
    With covert cassette
    She sought proof! — I regret
    She forgot to press Play and Record.

  57. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A woman felt terribly bored
    And smoked baccy quite weird from her hoard
    The bank manager called
    And was wholly appalled
    To find her stoned out of her gourd.

  58. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A youngster complained he was bored—
    Surfing trains his adrenalin soared!
    Well, back in my day
    Children had safer play
    We’d ride the back of a Model T Ford!

  59. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A youngster complained he was bored
    All diversions his mother explored
    In vain. From a jar
    A large candy bar
    Meant, sadly, that peace was restored.

  60. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A fellow who felt rather bored
    Round his waist tied a stout bungee cord
    His nerve remained strong!
    But the rope was too long …
    Now his ghost haunts that stretch of fjord.

  61. Sue Dulley says:

    He’s ordered some pieces of board
    For that two-level deck he’s ignored.
    Now he’ll have no excuse
    They will get put to use
    And will not become part of a hoard.

  62. Diane Groothuis says:

    A ship’s Captain was terribly bored
    In the pub pondering his crew’s discord
    He said.”I know things aren’t dandy”
    As he sipped on his brandy
    When he got back his ship wasn’t moored.

  63. Dear Dean — once at sea, they expect
    That your nautical terms sound correct:
    Tell the mate, “Steer to starb’rd!”
    You’ll end up safe harbored;
    Say “star – board”, you may end up wrecked!

    :^)

    On the other hand –

    Though I think I’m a pretty good steward
    Of words such as “starboard” or “leeward”,
    I have to admit
    “Gourd” defies me a bit…
    Around here, we have always said “goo-rd”.

  64. While I’m thinking about strange nautical pronunciation:

    SEA LEGS
    To the sailor, the ship is a prison:
    No women for huggin’ and kizzin’!
    But when he goes ashore
    (For what shore leave is for),
    He’ll discover his main mast is mizzen.

    Yet if he brings a woman aboard,
    The moment that she is off-shored
    A couple o’ pokes’ll
    Put foam on her forecastle –
    He’ll soon find his rigging restored!

    (Obviously out-of-competition for leaving the rhyme word so late)

  65. Diane Groothuis says:

    A girlie who got very bored
    Had a baby to her good friend Claude
    But she blamed it on Jim
    As she drooled over him
    But he sued her for internal fraud.

  66. Ailsa McKillop says:

    The CEO harangued the Board
    They had bad term results to record.
    He continued to hector
    The Finance Director
    Who, guilt-stricken, fell on his sword!

  67. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A woman felt terribly bored
    So played a quiz show, that she’d stored
    “Name the capital,” said the man,
    “Of Tajikistan.”
    Sad to say, our lass was wholly floored.

  68. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A fakir who slept on a board
    Spiked with nails, all tourists assured
    That he suffered no hurt
    He indeed got quite curt—
    A soft feather bed he abhorred!

  69. Ailsa McKillop says:

    Oh, I was so heartily bored!
    As each actor received their award
    Such thespian gush
    Heard in reverent hush—
    Take me now, if it pleases you, Lord!

  70. A woman felt terribly bored
    By each conquest she entered and scored
    On a scale one to ten
    She would judge all her men
    With a zero for any who snored!

  71. There are times on this messaging board
    When the rhymes should be triply scored
    Jo’s and Craig’s risqué fare
    Bartram losing his hair
    And when Sue gasped out “Oh … now I’m floored!”

  72. He says Yawni’s the name of his board
    And the pumpkin he pickled was Gord
    What’s in front of his pelvis
    He dubbed Little Elvis
    While Sheila’s the sheep that he shored

  73. Kirk Miller says:

    The guitar students seemed to be bored,
    ‘Til from teacher’s guitar music poured
    That the kids understood.
    So I guess that you could
    Say guitarist’s new song struck a chord.

  74. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A tourist who heard “All aboard!”
    Thought the call was a little untoward:
    “We don’t, in Bahrain,
    Lean out from a train
    And proclaim the ennui of the Lord.”

  75. John Peter Larkin says:

    A woman was terribly bored
    and her pleas were completely ignored.
    Her friend was Samurai trained.
    So, when her plight she explained,
    he allowed her to run on his sword.

  76. Little Joey’s sweet momma was bored
    So she flirted with Shane …Oh my lord
    Then got scratched by a clasp
    As she let out a gasp
    And in this way the settler was scored

  77. Diane Groothuis says:

    As a traveller I became very bored
    The aeroplane revved and it roared
    The hostess all smiles
    Said “Not many more miles”
    I think I was in a Concord.

  78. Ailsa McKillop says:

    In London, the British Cheese Board
    (yes, really!) all makes have explored.
    Be it Stilton, or Cheddar
    Bath Blue, Leicester (it’s redder)
    All are delicious when gnawed!

    [NB: "Leicester" is two syllables, pron. "Lester".]

  79. Ailsa McKillop says:

    At the old Tower, none was there bored—
    We saw the Crown Jewels therein stored!
    Heard of Henry—his weddings!
    Viewed the scene of beheadings!
    While the dread ravens flapped, and they cawed …

  80. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    “He was rich but my gosh I was bored—
    Was my ‘wealthy and smart’ just ignored?”
    Asked a dating site user
    Who was really a loser
    ‘Cause her search terms weren’t ANDed but ORed.

  81. Ailsa McKillop says:

    If in computing she hadn’t been bored
    A more suitable mate she’d have scored
    Lack of data in Boolean
    Led to Jake, not a Julian
    Use Equivalence=handsome & Lord!

  82. Kirk Miller says:

    On the cruise ship, a guy who’s on board
    Said there’s nothing to do, so explored
    All around the ship’s deck,
    And got lost on his trek.
    So a crewman yelled, “Man over-bored!”

  83. Diane Groothuis says:

    In London I did not get bored
    I visited Madame Tussaud
    But I had a mishap
    When I saw “The Mouse trap”
    Whodunnit without a reward.

  84. Kirk Miller says:

    His penis was stiff as a board.
    Her ennui could not be ignored.
    After screwing all day,
    She could truthfully say
    With two meanings, the phrase “I was bored.”

  85. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A Prisoner was found by the Board
    To be innocent, so cleared his record
    Making Independence Day
    An appropriate way
    To have his freedom restored

  86. Madeleine says:

    A youngster complained he was bored
    Though the cost of his living had soared
    With his gizmos piled high
    His mum prayed to the sky
    That her offspring were exiled abroad.

  87. Of the sea I can say that I’m bored
    From the Firth of the Forth to the fjord
    Never more will I float
    So if I board a boat
    I’ll be sure that the ship is ashored

  88. Johanna Richmond says:

    The Problem with Sarcasm

    “My back is as stiff as a board.”
    “Oh — your BACK. For a moment, hope soared.”
    “It’ll take more than hope.”
    “Try a pulley and rope”
    (In the smartass department they scored.)

  89. Diane Groothuis says:

    Now young Eve was getting quite bored
    As she bit on the apple (uncored)
    A remark came from Adam
    Saying “Pardon me Madam
    You’ve seen mine and now I’ve seen you’rd.”

  90. yt cai says:

    Marian petitioned school board
    For books they could not afford
    They too were off track
    Chaucer and Balzac
    Subject matter not to be ignored

    Her son’s lisp was most sadly moored
    From lack of father figure on board
    The Wellth Fargo Wagon
    Had him thinging n braggin
    With Marian this struck a sad chord

    Harold Hill showed up quite untoward
    Hit on Marian who’s lonely and bored
    Despite songs and dances
    Fought off his advances
    Caused condition known as Blue Gourd

    For values in children to be restored
    It was pool halls that Harold deplored
    Indignation he’d spew
    Out of pocket on cue
    Said school bands would rack up no discord

    Before the band could strike a first chord
    Instruments would need to be scored
    Parents pay in advance
    Which will surely enhance
    Chances for Hill’s ill gotten reward

    Marian’s faith was somehow restored
    And her heart miraculously soared
    When Harold came clean
    Appointed music dean
    Of bad music only parents adored

  91. Sue Dulley says:

    yt cai, I really like your poem about one of my favourite musicals!

  92. Craig says:

    The conductor called out “All aboard!”
    And I hope you won’t think me untoward,
    But the gal in first class
    Had a fabulous ass –
    Soon the Meter High Club reached accord.

  93. John Armstrong says:

    The admiral was piped aboard
    He strutted the gangland as a lord
    He went head over heels
    Doing cartwheels
    And skewered his hat with his sword

  94. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, the Limerick Saga Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 121

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Bar