Limerick Bar (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow who worked at a bar…*


A woman was holding a bar…*


A woman decided to bar…*


A dancer who stretched at the barre…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Bar
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman decided to bar
Cigarette smoking folks from her car.
“This must be a joke,”
Said her husband. “I smoke,
So our marriage ain’t going too far.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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103 Responses to “Limerick Bar (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Bob Kennedy says:

    The woman who danced on the bar
    Never thought she was going too far
    She did a cartwheel, a
    Few shots of tequila,
    And told some “blue” jokes, hardy-har!

  2. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A fellow who worked at a bar
    Told a punter: “The way that things are
    Moral grounds there are firmer
    For referring to ‘Burma’
    Not the noxious regime’s ‘Myanmar’.”

  3. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A fellow who worked at a bar
    Was tempted—safe door left ajar!
    This has the makings
    Of crime! With the takings
    He fled to the hot Côte d’Ivoire.

  4. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A fellow who worked at a bar
    Held a quiz night—they flocked from afar!
    But the brave teams of drinkers
    Found the questions were stinkers!
    There was no-one that night crowned Quiz Tsar.

  5. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A woman was called to the Bar
    (In gown and wig—ain’t that bizarre?)
    She sought tax repayment
    For her subfusc court raiment
    It was close, but she got no cigar!

    A true story: Mallalieu v Drummond [1983]

  6. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A fellow who worked at a bar
    Claimed: “Of all the Scotch whiskies, by far
    The best come from Islay—
    A seaweed-y taste, while a
    Lingering note’s left of coal tar.”

    [NB: “Islay” is pronounced “EYE-luh”]

  7. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A woman was holding a bar
    Over “Girls’ Night Out” slotted clay jar
    At slow extraction she scoffed!
    Raised her weapon aloft
    Scattered piggy bank contents afar!

  8. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A fellow took lunch at the bar
    At his hotel in Doha, Qatar.
    He’d brought the wrong money
    (Dull story; not funny)
    They have the riyal, not dinar.

  9. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A dancer who stretched at the barre
    Dreamt of audiences shouting “Huzzah”!
    In Paris! Milan!
    But via Kazakhstan
    The troupe went to Ulaanbaatar.

  10. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A dancer who stretched at the barre
    Was in La Sylphide due to star
    But while in fouetté en l’air
    She crashed on her derrière
    Which bid to her hopes au revoir.

  11. rbasler says:

    This rabbi walks into a bar
    With a priest and a golden sitar
    Barmaid hands him a Coke
    And says, “So? What’s the joke?”
    Rabbi says, “Can we use your pissoir?”

  12. John Sardo says:

    A fellow who worked at a bar
    Served drinks to a Hollywood star.
    He was struck by her beauty
    Performed acrobatically his duty
    In the back of a foreign sports car.

  13. John Sardo says:

    A woman decided to bar
    Sex habits she knew were bizarre.
    It was quirky for sure
    But she’d always adore
    Getting laid in the seat of her car.

  14. John Sardo says:

    A woman was holding a bar
    Fixing four flats on her car.
    They were caused by commotion
    From heated devotion
    Making love to a wacky guitar.

  15. A dancer who stretched at the barre
    Envisioned herself as a star
    She saw her plans stop
    When a tendon went “pop”
    To her dreams she now said, “au revoir.”

  16. Craig says:

    So this fella walks into a bar …
    (The most common joke intro, by far)
    But the bar in this case
    Hit him square in the face.
    And left him a quite bizarre scar.

  17. Judith H. Block says:

    A fellow who worked at a bar
    Heard stories, mundane and bizarre.
    He would listen well
    To the tales they would tell
    Perhaps he should write a memoir.

  18. Rich D says:

    A fella who tended a bar
    kept some odd things in a jar
    “This was bat,
    and this was a cat,
    and her I found in a Jaguar”

  19. Rich D says:

    A player came up to the bar
    remembering the days of Cigar
    “My God, he could go,
    sixteen in a row,
    when racing so needed a star!”

  20. Rich D says:

    A horse, he walked into a bar
    The tender said “hardy har har!
    Whenever I toke,
    it seems some old joke
    shows up and plugs in his guitar”

  21. Rich D says:

    A guy looked real glum at a bar
    his wife did it with a golf star
    but she came back mad
    and said she was had
    cuz Tiger said “this hole is par”

  22. Rich D says:

    While dancing the low limbo bar
    the intern bent back way too far
    she twisted her back
    and exposed her crack
    The ex-Prez said “close, no cigar”

  23. Rich D says:

    While playing tonight in a bar
    a birthday jam for Ringo Starr
    It didn’t take long
    before “No No Song”
    and “.. Easy” were played on guitar.

  24. Edmund Conti says:

    A rabbi walks into a bar
    With a priest and an old commissar
    A Hindu, of course,
    Plus a man on a horse–
    Damn! there goes my whole repertoire.

  25. Diane Groothuis says:

    An Arab walked up to the bar
    Saying “Give me a big long cigar
    I much prefer biggies
    Coz I cannot smoke ciggies
    They just give me too much Qatar”.

  26. Craig says:

    “I am telling you, Brother Jabbar,
    As a terrorist you will go far.
    Simply put on this vest,
    We’ll take care of the rest.”
    They found bits of Jabbar in Qatar.

  27. Mark Kane says:

    A lawyer was banned from the bar
    For taking his lying too far.
    But no need to fret,
    His career’s surely set:
    In Congress this man’s bound to star.

  28. Mark Kane says:

    There once in L.A. was a bar,
    With a pianist who’d later go far.
    This inspired a song,
    Which we all sing along.
    This Piano Man’s surely a star.

  29. Craig says:

    So yo’ mama walked in to a bar
    Just to hear a guy play the guitar.
    But yo’ mama so fat
    That the chair that she sat
    On got stuck, and won’t fit in her car.

  30. Ira Bloom says:

    A pirate walked into a bar,
    After pillaging towns near and far.
    “Are you here for a raid?”
    Asked a buxom barmaid.
    “Nay me wench,” he said, “Just arrr and arrr.”

  31. You’ve spent too much time in this bar:
    Please give me the keys to your car.
    Though I know you may think
    You’re not sozzled with drink,
    These pink elephants say that you are.

  32. Poor Han, in the Tatooine bar,
    Left the door of the rest room ajar.
    Thus a bar-ful of Wookiees
    Heard Han hoof his cookiees,
    Which left an emotional scar…

    (Well, THAT was a nice build-up to Nothing Much:

    I may have to lower the bar
    Of my limerick standards. So far,
    I don’t mind admittin’
    The ones that I’ve written
    Have none of ’em been up to par.)

  33. Jim Delaney says:

    This young fellow, though called to the bar,
    As an advocate isn’t a star.
    In the courtroom he stands,
    In his wig and his bands,
    While his clients wear feathers and tar.

  34. Diane Groothuis says:

    A young girl went into a bar
    Intending to catch a young tar
    But the sailor said “Love
    I just hafta shove
    And you’ve nothing to put in a bra”

  35. Ira Bloom says:

    A guy met a gal in a bar.
    As they stripped in the back of his car,
    He asked for direction:
    “Do I need protection?”
    “No sir,” she said, “come as you are.”

  36. A sailor rolled into a bar,
    “Macadam, but just call me Tar!”!
    The crowd gave a jeer,
    “No puns allowed here!
    “So be on the road, har, har, har!”

  37. Talon says:

    Madeleine, I’m still giggling at your limerick. I haven’t written one ever…though my father had about a million and would pull out the most incredibly dirty ones…a lot had to do with a gal from Nantucket. :) I’ll have to try crafting one of these. The sing-song rhythm has always fascinated me.

  38. Diane Groothuis says:

    A young man did chat at the bar
    With a pretty young girl called Pilar
    “Well you must be from Spain
    With your lovely black mane
    But you should leave the bull in your car”.

  39. Pat Hatt says:

    A fellow who worked at a bar
    Come in covered in tar
    He had won a date
    took the bait
    But ended up fixing her car

  40. Diane Groothuis says:

    To Craig
    Well I chatted to Brother Jab-bar
    (Bits of whom later found in Qatar)
    And I said I was shattered
    His remains would be scattered
    And I’d preserve his nuts in a jar.

  41. Edmund Conti says:

    A Russian walked into a bar
    And claimed that his dad was the Czar.
    But no one would weep
    For this forlorn sad creep
    But wept for the U. S. S. R.

  42. yt cai says:

    Tom Arnold married Rosanne Barr
    No surprise that it did not go far
    the anthem she’d botch
    by grabbing her crotch
    With a voice that bangled our star

  43. yt cai says:

    An oenophile at a Country Club bar
    Ordered a vintage Pinot Noir
    he was fresh out of luck
    when served 2 Buck Chuck
    Sour grapes for the course are now par

  44. A gymnast who worked the high bar
    Felt his prospects had plummeted far
    After performing some flips
    Using mixed dorsal grips
    There was more of an Ooh than an Ah!

  45. Susan says:

    A fisherman sailed past the bar
    In his dory that still bore the scar
    Of that ill fated day
    When his catch got away–
    A humpback the size of a car.

  46. Susan says:

    I sit still as they lowered the bar
    Firmly locking me into the car
    Of a ride straight to hell
    (I’m so scared I can’t yell).
    Farewell world, this is it, au revoir!

  47. Susan says:

    A woman had come to the bar
    To hear a young man on guitar.
    As he sang through her life,
    All her troubles and strife,
    He strummed through her pain–every scar.

  48. Tom Hale says:

    A pirate who worked at a bar
    Tried hard to learn Spanish guitar,
    But could ne’er sing along
    With an Español song:
    The corsair could not roll his “Arrrr!”

  49. Fred Bortz says:

    This took a little on-line research:

    “Davy Crockett, he kilt him a bar.”
    Recall that? That tells me you’re far
    From that callow faced young ‘un
    Who long ago sung in
    A coonskin cap. Yessir, you are!

    You watched on TV while he strode,
    Heroically treading that road
    From the Tennessee hills
    And the bar that he kills
    To the day that he gets Alamo-ed.*

    Fess Parker’s star power was strong,
    And we knew every verse of that song
    ‘Bout the frontier so wild
    And the bar-killin’ child
    And the land we salute loud and long.

    Buddy Ebsen, his sidekick so true,
    I’m sure you remember him, too.
    Though he later struck oil
    From a shot in the soil,
    Is he Clampett or Russel to you?

    San Antonio Texans all cheer
    That you know Davy Crockett died here,
    And their restaurant code
    Calls for Pie AlaMode
    To be served with each Mexican beer.

    So I ask, “Is this story so far
    Fair-to-middlin’ or far above par?”
    It’s the best I can do
    When the limerick clue
    Is the three-letter word, B-A-R.

    FOR THOSE WHOSE NOSTALGIA WAS PIQUED (but with a little adjustment–kilt him a bar is cleaned up, alas):

    Born on a mountain top in Tennessee,
    Greenest state in the land of the free.
    Raised in the woods so’s he knew every tree,
    Killed him a bear when he was only three.
    Davy, Davy Crockett King of the Wild Frontier.

    He fought single handed through the Injun war,
    Till the Creeks was whipped and peace was restored.
    And while he was handling this risky chore,
    Made himself a legend, forevermore.
    Davy, Davy Crockett the man who don’t know fear.

    When he lost his love, and his grief was gall,
    In his heart he wanted to leave it all,
    And lose himself in the forest tall,
    But he answered instead, his country’s call.
    Davy, Davy Crockett, the choice of the whole frontier

    He went off to Congress and served a spell
    Fixin’ up the government and laws as well.
    Took over Washington, so we hear tell,
    And patched up the crack in the Liberty Bell.
    Davy, Davy Crockett, seein’ his duty clear. (Serving his country well)

    When he come home, his politickin’ done,
    The western march had just begun.
    So he packed his gear, and his trusty gun
    And lit out a grinnin’ to follow the sun.
    Davy, Davy Crockett, Leadin the Pioneers.

    His land is biggest, and his land is best
    From grassy plains to the mountain crest
    He’s ahead of us all in meeting the test
    Followin’ his legend right into the West
    Davy, Davy Crockett, King of the Wide Frontier
    King of the Wild Frontier.



  50. Jesse Levy says:

    In Boston girls work in a bahh
    One put on a new Wonderbrahh
    The fellas stared attah
    But it didn’t mattah
    She knew that’s just how fellas ahh.

  51. yt cai says:

    The weatherman said isobars
    Showed pressure out by the stars
    this reporting disgrace
    stems from deep space
    Knowing climate comes from Quasars

  52. yt cai says:

    While on the road to Zanzibar
    Bob, Bing and Dorothy Lamour
    things got scary
    there on safari
    In the jungles of Madagascar

  53. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A damsel was scrabbling to bar
    The advance of a man with a scar.
    She had knocked out a C
    And wedged in a T
    When along came a man with a star.

  54. Diane Groothuis says:

    n Persia I stood in a bar
    In vain hope of meeting the Shah
    A girl showed me her belly saying
    “My name is Nelly”
    I said “I’m not dreaming . You are!”

  55. Rallentanda says:

    A woman decided to bar
    Her lover from driving her car
    She said “Look here Englebert
    You’re not wearing my skirt
    This really is going too far! “

  56. Mark Kane says:

    The bugle blew eight to the bar.
    For the Army, so clearly bizarre.
    But she sang of this guy,
    With a wink, oh so sly.
    Bette Midler, a singular star.

  57. Manicddaily says:

    A fellow who stood for the bar
    stole an answer sheet left in a drawer
    Since not yet admitted
    He felt sure he’d committed
    No infraction of any DR.

    Okay– kind of a lawyers’ limerick, Mad. I’m sure you get it but for those who don’t know, the DR are disciplinary rules for attorneys. K.

  58. colonialist says:

    A fellow who worked at a bar
    Said, ‘My job is really bizarre!
    Although one might think
    I only serve drink,
    I pour out more counsel, by far!

    A woman was called to the Bar –
    Degree paid for as a porn star –
    Soliciting thus
    Is a great deal less fuss,
    Than when in the back of a car!

  59. Johanna Richmond says:

    Steve and Jamie had hiked up the bar
    Between Paradise Lost and that car.
    I’d no great wife’s pudendum
    Or pun to upend ’em:
    Bob Ross versus Klimt and Renoir.

    So I went out to look for a bar,
    Thinking THERE I could still be a star.
    But my jokes were all spurned;
    In the end, all I earned
    Was a snort and one “hardy har har.”

    Ole Bard Bartram bequeathed me a bar
    Of black candy that sealed lips with tar.
    Like in some weird cartoon,
    “The King Alfred Saloon”
    Flashed in neon. I skulked to my car.

    At the tollbooth, the man said “Disbar
    This imposter — her dull wit will mar
    The Queen’s otherwise stellar
    Mad band. To the cellar!”
    And, thumbs pointing down, “Au revoir!”

    I hold on to an oddly shaped bar
    That’s engraved to read, “Just a Cigar,”
    I begin to fall fast.
    “Could you be more outclassed?”
    A demonic voice mocks from afar.

    In court, counsel approaches the bar,
    Strumming lyres (ok — a guitar);
    “She’s as guilty as sin…
    She believes she can win!
    Give her life!” Scoffed my lawyer, Jack Paar.

    In my cell, a tin cup, bar by bar
    ’Cross my window clangs. One distant star
    Winks from light years away
    As if dying to say,
    “JR, only the bright ones should spar.”

    So I doze with my head on the bar,
    And I dream of a little glass jar
    Labeled “John Milton’s Brain;
    Take by Honda or train
    (Deadline: 12) to the limerick tsar.”

    But the goo from that bard’s tarry bar
    Glued my lips to a part of Bill Maher
    Where the sun doesn’t shine.
    “Hey, you asshole, that’s mine!
    Just WHO, Ma’am, do YOU think you ARE?”

    Poof! Out of thin air: Roseanne Barr!
    Yeah, this story just gets more bizarre.
    She unfastened my kiss
    And said, “Do better, Sis,
    Or pack up and go back to Bryn Mawr.”

    In my hands, she placed one golden bar,
    And said “Fly from this cell, you’ll go far.”
    So I thought I’d sprout wings,
    But (and this part still stings),
    That old witch turned me into a char.

    So before you go raising the bar,
    Give a thought to the deep psychic scar
    You may leave in your wake.
    Have a heart, for god’s sake!
    My inventiveness ain’t up to par.

  60. Claudia says:

    a fellow who worked at a bar
    ate plates and plates of tartar
    while serving the drinks
    with plish plash and clinks
    and with his apron looked quite bizar

  61. brian miller says:

    a fellow who opened a bar
    to see if poetry could go far
    invited his friends
    the fun never end
    you too can be a dverse star


  62. Diane Groothuis says:

    So farewell to Brother Jab-bar
    I’ve pre-served his nuts in a jar
    And to me it’s quite plain
    They are not Einstein’s brain
    And they haven’t impressed me so far.

  63. Diane Groothuis says:

    Well I don’t think I could raise the bar
    After reading JR’s long histoire
    Both erudite and witty
    It’s really a pity
    She is looking for “je ne sais quoi”

  64. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A rehash of an earlier one!

    A tourist who supped at the bar
    One evening in Doha, Qatar.
    Had brought the wrong money
    (Perhaps this is more funny?)
    He tried to pay with riyals for dinar!

  65. Shirdog says:

    A dancer who stretched at the barre
    said, “I’d sure like to be a big star.
    I must sharpen my wits
    and augment my tits
    ’cause my talent won’t take me too far.

  66. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    She canned him, thus raising the bar
    For disposal of victims by far:
    “His vaults were all locked,
    Opportunity knocked,
    And I realized my door was a jar.”

  67. Jon Gearhart says:

    A dancer who stretched at the barre
    Once stretched just a little too far
    You can tell cause he walks
    With a limp and he talks
    Twice higher than Pat Benatar

  68. Edmund Conti says:

    George W’s mother is Bar
    Whose thoughts as a mom are bizarre.
    “My Jeb’s the smart son
    And so, shouldn’t run.”
    Apparently, she went too far.

  69. A lawyer was passing the bar
    by defending a violent star
    he signed with his blood
    from basement a thud
    and enter the netherworld czar

  70. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow had just left the bar,
    But couldn’t get into his car.
    His keys were misplaced
    With a gal hardly chaste.
    He’d retrieve them, in hope’s they go far.

  71. A physicist sits in a bar
    He’s a post-doc from William and Mar
    And he orders Bud Light
    For the stool on his right
    Which is empty. You with me so far?

    The fellow who’s tending the bar
    Asks our physicist, (puffing cigar)
    Why he purchased a beer
    For a gal whose not here
    His reply was in no way ‘on par’

    Says he, “Nothing in physics should bar
    A spontaneous change. ‘Zip-Zap-Zar!’
    Sitting here on this stool
    Could appear a girl who’ll
    Do the dirty with me in my car”

    The barman leans over the bar
    He says ”Hey buddy, look where you are!
    In here’s many a girl
    That would give you a whirl”
    What he hears back is “None have so far”

    So to wrap, if you’re down at this bar
    Don’t be shocked to see something bizarre
    It’s a bookworm named Biff
    Try’n to get lucky if
    Quantum portals come slightly ajar

  72. A sign in a privateer’s bar
    Says “To all those who’ve come from afar,
    You may not be knowin’
    If you’re comin’ or goin’
    But whichever it is here you argh!”

  73. V. Van Gogh is morose in a bar
    Cries on shoulder of Monsieur Renoir
    Says “Of painting I grew sick,
    I’ve no ear for music
    I can’t even take up guitar”

  74. There’s a joke of Descartes in a bar:
    On the stage is a guy and guitar
    Patron says “This act’s hot!”
    Descartes sneers “I think not”
    “Poof!” He’s gone without say’n “Au revoir”

  75. Sarah Palin walks into a bar
    Waitress says “Hell, I know who you are
    Till you got back with FOX
    On their idiot box
    You ‘ere a floozy without a boudoir”

  76. A lim’rick walks into a bar
    Saying double ‘A’ double ‘B’, ‘R’
    But he’s told “In this dive
    Show respect for line five”
    By the bouncer, Cesar, and the guard

  77. Some might say CBS raised the bar
    Others think that they took it too far
    But the hype long ago
    On that soap selling show
    Back in ’80 was “Who shot JR?”

  78. Tim James says:

    A waitress who worked in a bar
    With drunken old letches would spar.
    She said, “This is so not
    What I planned when I got
    My art hist’ry degree from Bryn Mawr.”

  79. Jon Gearhart says:

    A fellow who worked at a bar
    Lost his arm in a wreck in a car
    Now he opens his flies
    When on stage with the guys–
    One-handed, he still plays guitar… ;-p

  80. Bob Kennedy says:

    A habitue’ at the bar
    Bared his heart (with a tall whiskey sour)
    He nearly was wed
    ‘Til his beloved fled
    With some ponce they all called Lochinvar!

  81. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A young lady who worked in a bar
    Met this gay who was sort of bizarre
    Who came from Nantucket
    Found OldBoy he could suck it
    And now hopes in this verse he will star

    This is for T A L O N J U L Y 8

  82. Mark Kane says:

    When judging they lower the bar,
    And cheer as she makes it this far.
    Clear discrimination?
    I’ll ease your frustration.
    With Limbo this makes her a star!

  83. heidi says:

    Travis was scairt by a bar
    and after he had run very far
    the ranger asked where,
    had he seen this bear?
    Laughed Travis, I wore pants, this par.

    (I’m afraid this was funnier in my head)

  84. Ailsa McKillop says:

    By camel they rode to Mal’abah
    Leaving clamour of souk and bazaar.
    For desert rose bloom
    By Queen Shanadakhete’s Tomb
    And the Nile flowing ever afar.

  85. Mark Kane says:

    I entered this dark biker bar.
    He approached, this hulk with a scar.
    Then he started to dance,
    Was he gay, not chance!
    Just a boxer who needed to spar.

  86. Diane Groothuis says:

    She gave him a wink at the bar
    Saying “Come with me to the Casbah”
    And the next thing they went
    To a very nice tent
    I’d be guessing what went on from thar.

  87. Fred Bortz says:

    He stared at the girls at the barre,
    Especially when they bent far
    And their stretchy tight tutus
    Barely covered their foofoos,
    And their grand jetes were rated R.

  88. Fred Bortz says:


    He stared at the girls at the barre,
    Whenever that they bent so far
    That their stretchy tight tutus
    Barely covered their foofoos,
    And their grand jetes were rated R.

  89. yt cai says:

    In Airplane with Abdul-Jabbar
    Young Joey had ID’d the star
    fumed in the cockpit
    Kareem had a fit
    His panties had risen too far

  90. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    While your multiple drinks from the bar
    May add to your net R and R,
    At tip time they’ll act
    To divide and subtract
    From your knack to perform the third R.

  91. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A High Jumper just cleared the bar
    His greatest achievement so far
    But his Jock Strap elastic
    Snapped and went spastic
    Now his old boy is wearing a scar.

  92. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    An Aussie Lawyer was admitted to the Bar
    And were right when they said he’d go far
    He fucked up his first case
    So the Firm to save face
    Sent him to Zanzibar

  93. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A naïve fellow entered a gay bar
    But he didn’t get very far
    For said the innocent fool,
    “May I push back your stool?”
    Thus committing his first Faux Pas.

  94. Diane Groothuis says:

    Six Frenchmen went up to the bar
    To the barmaid they said”Ooh la la
    So what does it cost?”
    She said “Go and get lost”
    And they did it ( it seems) en tous cas.

  95. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    “They have free sex and free drinks in a new bar”
    Said an Indian to friends in Dhaka
    One said, “Gee that’s great,
    Have you been there yet mate?”
    “No, my wife’s only been there so far.”

  96. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A Ship’s Sparky stood at the bar
    And told of his life so far
    How he’d stuck to tradition
    Following Dad an Electrician
    And when born the first shock to his Pa.

  97. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A midget walked into a bar
    But couldn’t reach up all that far
    So they elevated his arse
    But he couldn’t handle a glass
    So lapped up his booze from a jar.

  98. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A Motorcyclist met a whore in a bar
    And was having it off in his sidecar
    But when a spring broke
    He finished his poke
    On the seat of a nearby car.

  99. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A Golfer met, a big star in a bar
    And they went for a shag in his car
    When she parted her thighs
    And he saw it’s size
    He knew then he would make it in par.

  100. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    An old Hooker who frequents a bar
    Services customers in her old car
    But dodging gear shift’s a job
    As it hasn’t a knob
    Which can give you a bruise or a scar.

  101. Kirk Miller says:

    Boss is constantly raising the bar.
    Worker says it does not seem bizarre.
    And he says it’s all right,
    That he welcomes the height.
    He’s a pole vaulter, wants to go far.

  102. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A dancer who stretched at the barre
    Found she’d spread her legs too far
    Which caused a great crack
    In her Sacroiliac
    And Spinjinic Mandragerar

  103. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners! Limerick of the Week 122

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Kick.