Limerick Kick (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow had threatened to kick…*


A woman was trying to kick…*


A man gave the ball a hard kick…*


A woman had gotten a kick…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Kick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Though a fellow had gotten a kick
Out of seeing a circus-themed flick
That featured his son,
The best gymnast, bar none,
Flip reviews made it flop really quick.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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78 Responses to “Limerick Kick (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A man gave the ball a hard kick
    Making the other guy feel really sick
    Which ended the fight
    He’d got into this night
    With the large and uncouth country hick.

  2. Mark Kane says:

    A woman was trying to kick
    Her attraction to men with no schtick.
    They all were so cute,
    But pretty much mute.
    The problem: They’re “Thick As A Brick.”

  3. Chris Papa says:

    I really do get a big kick,
    Composing a naughty limerick,
    A rhyme salacious,
    Slightly audacious,
    Just seems to do the big trick.

  4. Don says:

    A man had threatened to kick
    a habit that made him sick
    efforts to help him had all been in vain
    until he soloed again and again
    and found a solution that would stick

  5. Don says:

    A man had threatened to kick
    a habit that made him sick
    efforts to help him had all been in vain
    until he soloed again and again
    and found the solution that would stick

  6. yt cai says:

    The Rockettes gave out a good kick
    A move that was outright pelvic
    Herman in the front row
    Got too close to the show
    He found out what was a sidekick

  7. yt cai says:

    Big Bertha decided to pick
    On a growth in region pubic
    Pulled out her tweezers
    Found two old geezers
    Who were lost while in their Buick

  8. Mark Kane says:

    Miss Faithfull, she sure gets a kick
    From guys who were long, hard and thick!
    So imagine her face,
    After leaving his place?
    “Tiny Todger”, It’s what Keith calls Mick.

    *** Based on this funny quote from Keith Richard’s excellent autobiography, which I’m currently reading:

    “Marianne Faithfull had no fun with his (Mick’s) tiny todger. I know he’s got an enourmous pair of balls – but it doesn’t quite fill the gap.”

  9. John Sardo says:

    A man gave a ball a hard kick
    While playing on grass very slick.
    He fell on his butt
    Then got up with a strut.
    The ball in the goal did he stick.

  10. John Sardo says:

    A woman was trying to kick
    A habit that oft made her sick
    Started drinking at noon
    Soon howled at the moon
    Off the ground herself she could hardly pick.

  11. John Sardo says:

    A woman had gotten a kick
    Out of drinking herself half sick.
    On liquor she’d fawn
    Sprawled on the front lawn
    Till dawn when her head felt like brick.

  12. John Sardo says:

    A woman was trying to kick
    A habit that oft make her sick
    “I’ll quit one day soon
    But for now I’ll just swoon
    One more day won’t matter a lick.”

  13. Jesse Levy says:

    A woman had gotten a kick
    from being the first jury pick
    But the jurists said “No”
    and let Zimmerman go
    The whole thing just makes me real sick

  14. Craig says:

    Miss Lewinsky’s career was a kick,
    ‘Til the tryst with an Arkansas hick.
    It then ended quite soon –
    Like a children’s balloon,
    It was done in by one little prick.

  15. Andy Sewina says:

    A woman was trying to kick
    the habit that made her so sick
    she tried smoking menthol
    but that sent her mental
    so now she just chews a chopstick

  16. Fred Bortz says:

    I have gone on a limerick kick
    Since encount’ring Mad Kane and her clique.
    My humor, once gaudy,
    Has ascended to bawdy,
    And soon will reach the summit of schtick.

  17. Fred Bortz says:

    That should be “will soon,” not “soon will”

  18. Fred Bortz says:

    “How’s Hawking?” I ask. “He can’t kick.
    He’s studying time, tick by tick.”
    “Oh, Penrose!” I blurt.
    “Stephen’s feelings are hurt
    By your pun, which is slick but sick schtick.”

  19. kaykuala says:

    A woman was trying to kick
    Off a bad habit that was slick
    Tried as she might
    It didn’t work right
    Her male friends just did not dig


  20. Daisy Mae says:

    Our president keeps trying to kick
    Smoking cigs- a.k.a. cancer sticks
    He’s tried nicotine gum,
    But he still did succumb
    Gave in to the body politic

  21. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A mother-to-be tried to kick
    A craving for graphite in a stick
    (A pencil, no less!)
    She had great success
    And now only writes with a Bic.

  22. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A woman was battling to kick
    Her craving for cheeseburgers (thick)
    With fries on the side.
    Too great the divide!
    Between that, and a celery stick.

  23. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A woman had got such a kick
    From London shows taking her pick
    She read a glowing review—
    Took the train to Waterloo
    King Lear to see, at The Old Vic

  24. Ailsa McKillop says:

    Our old aunt, she got such a kick
    Baking rock buns—”Now, kids, take your pick!”
    But the cakes came out charred
    Not chewy, stone hard!
    “Take your shovel!” more like, or stout stick!

  25. Ailsa McKillop says:

    Spike Milligan got such a kick
    (When writing the old Goon Show shtick)
    Hiding rude words in slang!
    So caused the censor no pang!
    He knew not the coarse rhyme: “Hampton Wick”.

  26. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A fellow had threatened to kick
    And assault with a stout hockey stick
    A policeman, who threw
    Him in a cell, PDQ!
    Which I’m sure you know means “pretty quick”!

  27. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A man gave the ball a hard kick
    In an oil drum it sank like a brick
    He pulled it out—how it dripped!
    Then shot away when he gripped!
    Its immersion had made it too slick …

  28. Fred Bortz says:

    Sorry if this is a duplicate (I removed the link that may have sunk the original)

    The climate denialists kick,
    Deriding Mike Mann’s “Hockey Stick.”
    But data don’t lie:
    Earth’s temp’s getting high.
    Our feverish planet is sick.

    (See The Hockey Stick and the Climate Wars: Dispatches from the Front Lines by Michael E. Mann)

  29. Dear Ailsa: I too get a kick
    From the Goon Show. In fact, at ridic-
    ulous moments, I go:
    And my wife thinks I’ve come over sick.

    (Cue Max Geldray)

  30. a woman was trying to kick
    the smoking she just couldn’t lick
    so she licked and licked
    on a licorice stick
    until she was terribly sick

  31. A doggy accustomed to kick
    The door open, then swallowed a stick.
    He threw up on the floor
    While I scolded and swore
    Now that BOTH of us ended up sick!

  32. As I practised my rodeo kick
    The music was playing too quick;
    Off my spur flew,
    Sawed a lady in two,
    Which, I’m told, ‘s quite a difficult trick.

  33. rbasler says:

    A woman had gotten a kick
    Out of seeing the art at The Frick
    Except for some dreck
    By that Toulouse-Lautrec
    “This man-man, he can-can leave quick!”

  34. Rosanna says:

    A man gave the ball a hard kick,
    He fell ill and became sick.
    So he tossed the ball away
    Trying to keep sickness at bay
    Now he’s very jolly and looking very slick.

  35. Tom Harris says:

    The gal sipped a drink with a kick;
    Her judgment was no longer quick.
    The guy at the bar
    Told her he was a star.
    And she went to bed with hick.

  36. Tim James says:

    There are times when I just get a kick:
    When I see a live show, not a flick.
    I Am a Camera’s the play
    That inspired Cabaret
    So I saw it. It just didn’t click.

  37. Jon Gearhart says:

    A man gave the ball a hard fast kick
    He whiffed it all as it went past quick
    His leg’s fast momentum
    Just served to upend ‘im
    And send ‘im head-over-ass spastic

  38. Tom Harris says:

    The preacher just wanted to kick
    The beautiful, floozy young chick,
    With whom he had sinned.
    But he now felt chagrined
    And claimed he was tricked by Old Nick.

  39. Jon Gearhart says:

    An old barfly had gotten a kick
    At last call when she got her first pick
    At the next morning’s rooster
    She chose faster’n she use’ter
    [At dawn any cock o’ dude’ll do for this trick…]

  40. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A young woman had gotten a kick
    Out of first date with a guy named Dick
    His aim being to court her
    Thorny roses he brought her
    So no surprise she felt a big prick.

  41. Diane Groothuis says:

    An old woman was trying to kick
    Like the folies bergeres oh so chic
    She was out of her class
    And she fell on her arse
    As fan dancing’s no longer her trick.

  42. Tom Hale says:

    A fellow found trying to kick
    The smoking thing easy and quick
    No longer afflicted
    Seems he was addicted
    To nothing but flicking his Bic

  43. Ailsa McKillop says:

    Make candles—you’ll get such a kick!
    Take fragrance, a mould and toothpick
    Paraffin wax melt in pot
    Add some scent—not a lot!
    And round the Interdens coil the wick.

  44. brian miller says:

    a man had threatened to kick
    the arse of the next mic
    that poked at his wife
    he’d bring em strife
    a shame she took to the lick

  45. These are always so fun. I come here when I need lightening up. :0)

  46. Manicddaily says:

    A baby had started to kick
    a gal who’d become rather thick.
    She could hardly abide
    a foxtrot inside
    much less a chorus line trick.

    Hi Mad! k.

  47. Jon Gearhart says:

    I truly am getting a kick
    From reading each last limerick
    That’s here on this thread
    I’m starting to dread
    Assigning my favorite pick

  48. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A fellow had threatened to kick
    In the door of the local Nick
    Where they’d locked him up tight
    For brawling last night
    And obscenely exposing his dick.

  49. Ailsa McKillop says:

    The pig gave the farmer a kick
    When he hung in its sty the salt lick
    The lively young swine
    Bust the gate (tied with twine)
    Found replete later by the hay rick

  50. Diane Groothuis says:

    The electrician got a sharp kick
    When the socket he poked with a stick
    So the moral of this is
    To stop hairy frizz
    Just keep your stick out and be slick

  51. Fred Bortz says:

    The rhyming words for your cue, “kick,”
    Inspired a slim stock of schtick. [Say that three times fast!]
    And I’ve heard this rumor:
    They stifle one’s humor,
    Which makes it a not-so-good pick.

  52. Linda EH says:

    I hope this isn’t too inappropriate.

    A drunk man who was trying to kick-
    start his motorcycle real quick
    had no luck
    because the schmuck
    confused his foot with his dick.

  53. Linda EH says:

    A man who could throw and kick
    became Philly’s quarterback pick.
    Soon NFL fame
    helped to better the name
    of the former dirty dog Vick.

  54. Ailsa McKillop says:

    “A threp in t’ steans” – that’s a kick
    (Hasta heert how yon Yorkshiremen spik?)
    Sithee, sit thissen dahn
    – or t’pub ista bahn?
    Eee, lad, tha’s throng an tha’s wick!

    “A kick in the goolies” — that’s a kick
    (Have you heard how those Yorkshiremen speak?)
    Look here, sit yourself down
    — or are you going to the pub?
    Goodness, lad, you’re busy and you’re lively!

  55. Ailsa McKillop says:

    If a football in drizzle you’d kick
    In the far north of Scotland find Wick
    It’s a town and royal burgh*
    (My research has been thorough*)
    Rhyme the end of those lines, that’s the trick!

    Weird as it may seem to my friends in North America, “burgh” and “thorough” do in fact rhyme. “Burgh” is pronounced “BUH-ruh” and “thorough” as “THUH-ruh” (not thuh-roe)!

  56. Kirk Miller says:

    A magician I know gets his kicks
    From salacious illusions he picks.
    It’s an X-rated show,
    So you probably know
    He’s accused of performing dirty tricks.

  57. Daisy Mae says:

    Our Constitution has taken a kick
    Yes, our Congress is really quite sick
    Common sense, common ground
    Are nowhere to be found
    Corporations are people? GAG! ICK!

    Obama seems all out of air
    Except when tv shows are there
    His ratings have dropped,
    And the farm bill? It’s cropped
    But guns grow and people don’t care.

    The Supreme Court has ruled with huge kicks
    To us all. Impartial? HA! PRICKS!
    Some people are sleeping
    While others are weeping
    Sad change in our country’s fabric…

  58. Talon says:

    Loved your limerick and thought I’d try one…though I know I am bowing to the master! :)

    A fellow had threatened to kick
    a chubby kid brandishing a stick
    but the kid was much quicker
    hit the fellow with a snicker
    now the fellow sounds like a chick

  59. Oh, Rick’s girlfriend Ann got a kick
    From describing her boyfriend’s big dick.
    You’ll have certainly guessed
    That this made Ann a pest,
    So we banished her rude Limb o’ Rick.

    It’s not naughty. It’s meta-naughty.

  60. She gave the poor doctor a kick
    That laid him out flat as a brick.
    She completely forgot
    He was giving a shot
    When he said, “You may feel a small prick…”

  61. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A Copper in struggling to kick
    Away from his fight with a hick
    Slipped out of his blazer
    But sat on his Taser
    Now his voice is like that of a chick

  62. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A young nympho gets a great kick
    Out of boyfriend a Pilot named Mick
    For in his flying kit
    He’ll land in her cockpit
    And make use of his jolly joystick

  63. Diane Groothuis says:

    The whole world is getting a kick
    Expecting a babe to come quick
    But Katie and Will
    Aren’t filling the bill
    I suppose it will come in a tick.

  64. colonialist says:

    A fellow had threatened to kick
    His dog for the way it got sick
    All over the mat,
    But didn’t like that
    It was cleared at a heck of a lick

  65. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A woman looking for more of a kick
    Applied 250 volts to her mick
    Attached to vibrator
    A sure liquidator
    So she ended up stiff as a brick.

  66. Ailsa McKillop says:

    That habit? Oh, they’ll never kick
    it—the English, I mean, and their crick-
    et. The leisurely play
    On village greens fills the day
    Bees buzzing. Deckchair. Just the tick-

  67. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow had threatened to kick
    His habit of being too slick
    In correcting bad writing
    With comments quite biting
    Plus the nasty parenthical (sic).

  68. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow had threatened to kick
    His computer, of which he was sick.
    He conceded defeat
    With CTRL-ALT-DEL,
    When he should have just done a right-click.

  69. Dr. Goose says:

    A Republican went on a kick
    To appreciate old “Tricky Dick,”
    And discovered, bereft,
    That he ruled from the left;
    “Was it really a Democrat trick?”

  70. Dr. Goose says:

    From champagne I do not get a kick;
    In a plane I am usually sick.
    So how is it true
    That the kick out of you
    Is the tonic that’s making me tick?

  71. Dr. Goose says:

    The striker was poised for a kick,
    As the goalie was coming up quick,
    And he thought he would try
    To break up the tie
    With a feint and a fabulous flick.

  72. Dr. Goose says:

    J.P. Morgan had wanted to kick
    His rival, old Henry Clay Frick,
    Who would smugly imply,
    While passing him by,
    That his wallet was not very thick.

  73. Dr. Goose says:

    The Rockettes who perform a high kick
    While dancing with jolly St. Nick,
    Wearing costumes so pretty
    In Radio City –
    My favorite Hanukkah shtick!

  74. Mike Rice says:

    A fellow had threatened to kick…
    The rear of his good friend Fat Mick
    But Fat Mick took a fall
    When the boot hit his balls
    Now Mick is known as Fat Dick…

  75. Edmund Conti says:

    A fellow had threatened to kick
    A golf ball, which was no small trick.
    But that golf ball today
    Is no longer in play.
    Has a hole in one caused by this hick.

  76. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A wife wished her old husband would kick
    His last minute toilet trick
    When they’re ready to go out
    Without fail he will shout
    “Gotta Shit, I’ll be back in a tick!”

    That’s Life

  77. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners:
    Limerick of the Week 123.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Play.

  78. Jon Gearhart says:

    Too little too late, but here goes anyway

    A woman had gotten a kick
    From teasing this arrogant prick
    He had thought himself wise
    But she gave him first prize
    For brainless and hopelessly thick