Limerick Play (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow would frequently play…*

or

A woman had written a play…*

or

A woman suspected foul play…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Play
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A pianist would constantly play
Chopin waltzes at home night and day.
Then she’d turn a deaf ear
To complaints, with a sneer:
“Be grateful I don’t make you pay.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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107 Responses to “Limerick Play (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Bill Klein says:

    A fellow would frequently play
    The field, to his girlfriend’s dismay
    So she got him a date
    With a transvestite mate
    And thus made him a queen, for a day

  2. A fellow would frequently play
    his ‘flute for bit of the day
    He played on it well
    if you heard, you could tell
    that he probably never got laid

    *yes, his penis*

  3. Jesse Levy says:

    A woman suspected foul play
    as on her floor Hubby did lay.
    The cops thought her guilty
    But it was Uncle Milty
    The cigar ashes gave him away.

  4. kaykuala says:

    A woman suspected foul play
    Her current beau to her dismay
    Couldn’t believe
    But to her relief
    Was a case of mistaken identity

    Hank

  5. Linkmeister says:

    A fella would frequently play
    poker down Gardena way
    He’d oft lose his shirt
    Drag home in the dirt
    Oh what his wife had to say!

  6. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A woman had written a play
    You can predict what now happens, okay?
    Her funds sadly lacking
    She couldn’t get backing
    Her script’s now in a state of decay

  7. Ailsa McKillop says:

    An actor declaimed in a play
    Arm outflung, in a quite pompous way!
    But was one night nonplussed—
    A pork pie was thrust
    In his outstretched hand—oh, his dismay!

  8. A fellow would frequently play
    The field, when his wife was away.
    When found in a position
    Of vigorous coition,
    She buried him the very next day.

  9. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A woman suspected foul play
    On discov’ring, on open display
    (Well—in hubbie’s pocket…)
    For perfume a docket
    She’d got nothing, that Valentine’s Day!

  10. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A fisherman would frequently play
    A salmon on his line in the Tay,
    The Scots’ longest river
    There—a trivia sliver!
    (The second longest in Scotland’s the Spey.)

  11. Bob Kennedy says:

    A woman, quite fond of sex play,
    Left her boyfriend in handcuffs all day.
    The sheets where he roil’d
    Were inevitably soil’d
    With pee, and the will to obey!

  12. Chris Papa says:

    A couple engaged in sex play,
    Decided to try a new way,
    Since they’d had enough,
    Of “the usual stuff”,
    Enjoyed Kama Sutra field day.

  13. rbasler says:

    An actress was having Yoplait
    The same crap she ate every day
    “The great Humphrey Bogart
    “Taught me to like yogurt
    “On the set of ‘Sierra Madre!’”

  14. yt cai says:

    The children were sent out to play
    As parents were frisky that day
    When about to get busy
    In house sauntered Lizzy
    Frustration had set into lay

  15. yt cai says:

    Hugh Hefner was a player who’d play
    With Bunnies in debauchery display
    Playboy turned the page
    On girls one third his age
    Creep is more than a song by Coldplay

  16. John Sardo says:

    A fellow would frequently play
    Strip poker in a bar that was gay.
    And loudly he’d voice
    It’s a matter of choice.
    If I’m gay and I play I should say it’s OK.

  17. John Sardo says:

    A woman had written a play
    ‘Bout a guy who was openly gay.
    He cried with delight
    When a court said he might
    Now marry a guy midst the flowers of May.

  18. John Sardo says:

    A woman suspected foul play
    When hubby came home break of day.
    Not guilty he pled
    But roaring she said.
    “The G-string your wearing is a dead giveaway.”

  19. yt cai says:

    A woman suspected foul play
    As vagina was there on display
    It wasn’t a scam
    She dropped a webcam
    That day while using her bidet

  20. yt cai says:

    Raymond would frequently play
    In waters off Chesapeake Bay
    Prankster eel got cute
    Yanked down his swimsuit
    That’s how exposed was more-Ray

  21. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman had written a play
    She knew that she had lots to say,
    “A Doll’s House door slam,
    Inspired who I am!
    These issues will NOT go away!”

  22. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A woman suspected foul play
    As her life-blood was ebbing away
    Who had been plotting?
    Why wasn’t it clotting?
    Oh, for some Vitamin K!

  23. Mark Kane says:

    In the bedroom a fellow would play.
    With a thrust and a jab, he would splay.
    Moving in for the kill,
    Just before he would spill,
    This matador, yells out “Olé!”

  24. Fred Bortz says:

    To do the Lord’s work while they play,
    The ministers gardened all day.
    It was hard to decide
    On the right pesticide
    ‘Til they found the one called Lettuce Spray.

  25. Fred Bortz says:

    The physicist sprinted to play
    In a relativistical way.
    The game took a week,
    But so fast did he streak
    That his age changed by only a day.

  26. Jon Gearhart says:

    A woman suspected foul play
    Whenever her husband would say
    I love you my dear
    More each passing year
    She’s certain he’s lying SOMEway…

  27. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A landlady came on foul play
    In her east London pub late one day.
    She’d just been to see Gable.
    A man’s nailed to her table!
    No doubt ’twas the bad Brothers Kray …

  28. Jon Gearhart says:

    An organist would always play
    Loud music all night and all day
    His neighbor starts flippin’
    And emptied a clip in
    His organ. It’s limp now, they say.

  29. Jon Gearhart says:

    The Detective suspected foul play
    So he started to search for a way
    To prove that his spouse
    Was a two-timing louse
    [Or three, four, or more, so they say]

  30. Jon Gearhart says:

    edit

    The Detective suspected foul play
    So he started to search for a way
    To prove that his spouse
    Was a two-timing louse
    [But she's three, four, or more, so they say]

  31. Jon Gearhart says:

    A woman has written a play
    Expounding on life’s vérité*
    And by stripping the skin
    Back to show what’s within
    She’s placed her whole heart on display

    *French for truth.

  32. Jon Gearhart says:

    A fellow would frequently play
    With ladies. “I’m all”, he would say,
    “The man that you need”
    They’d laugh til they peed.
    Li’l squirt is his new sobriquet.

  33. Jon Gearhart says:

    A young boy was making a play
    For his teacher and she had to say
    Something quick to discourage
    Without hurting his courage
    So she said, “It’s not you–I’m just gay.”

  34. Jon Gearhart says:

    A fellow would frequently play
    Touch football with his friends all day
    As QB he’d make passes
    And then pat the guy’s asses
    Especially the tight ends, they say

  35. Jon Gearhart says:

    The police are suspecting foul play
    In the death of a man whom they say
    Was found hanging mid-air
    With no clothes and no chair
    Twas not very well hung [either way]

  36. Pat Hatt says:

    A fellow would frequently play
    His guitar night and day
    then came a knock
    Which gave quite a shock
    As he opened the door to his naked 80 year old neighbors display

  37. Jon Gearhart says:

    There once was a man who would play
    The horses, odds, field, dead, and say
    That all were connected
    And then, as expected,
    Large, odd girls held his funeral today

  38. Rosanna says:

    A woman wrote a play
    She just wanted to write away.
    But all who read the script
    Said they were held in a tight grip
    Life was kind – she became famous right away!

  39. Jon Gearhart says:

    If you are suggesting we play
    By YOUR rules in a whimsical way
    Then we all shall comply
    With your MAD games and try
    To amass a vast limerick display

  40. Jon Gearhart says:

    This fellow would frequently play
    With that which teen boys often say
    They don’t play but they do
    If they say it’s not true
    They’re lying to you all the way

  41. James Hazelton says:

    A fellow would frequently play
    His xylophone down by the bay
    If was unusual, yes
    And anyone’s guess
    How he hoped to make money this way

  42. Jon Gearhart says:

    This bald fellow was starting to play
    With ideas of a wig yesterday
    He’s open to suggestions
    And hopin’ that his questions
    Are quite clear– toupee or not toupee

  43. Rebecca says:

    A woman who really liked foreplay
    Told her poor lover one night, as they lay:
    Learn my anatomy
    So you can play with my body
    Lest I leave you without any delay.

  44. Edmund Conti says:

    Was it Earhart who wanted to play
    And flew off the earth one fine day?
    Now, I worry, dear heart,
    Will it happen to Gearhart?
    I hope not, Jon. Have a good day.

  45. Jon Gearhart says:

    Edmund Conti’s suggesting I play
    With more limericks again and should stay
    Grounded so’s that I shant
    Lose my grip and they can’t
    Find I’m crazy and lock me away

  46. Edmund Conti says:

    Jon Earhart, he’s into word-play
    And flies off in every which way.
    Now everyone says he
    (Our Jon) is not crazy.
    But he is–like a fox–I would say.

  47. I wish I could go out and play –
    Just throw my adulthood away!
    It’s summer, I know,
    But I wish it would snow…
    (Guess I’m having That Kind of a Day).

  48. 50 SHADES OF OLD (A Longerick)

    Oh, sure, it’s exciting to play
    After reading that book, “… Shades of Grey”;
    But the passion soon fades
    When you find “50 Shades”
    Means the Grey of your hair,
    Or your Grey underwear;
    And the Grey of the peeling
    White paint on the ceiling
    Reflects in her eyes
    As you’re waiting to Rise
    (But you can’t, as you doubt
    That you took the trash out)…

    Ahh, just throw the damn novel away.

  49. @Rebecca:

    There’s a downside for those who would play
    With limericks all night and day:
    Our thoughts anatomical
    Quickly turn comical,
    Which ruins the roll in the hay.

  50. Dean Geier says:

    I’m finding it harder to play
    This rhyming game, I must say
    Because of Fred Bortz
    I am laughing-with snorts-
    At that limerick he wrote yesterday!

  51. Some farmers are charged with fowl play:
    They strangled their hens, so they say.
    And why in the dickens
    Would men choke their chickens?
    They just couldn’t get a good lay.

  52. Tim James says:

    A fellow would frequently play
    At speaking Ig-pay Atin-lay.
    But his gal took offense
    When he spurned common sense
    And called her an ad-bay ay-lay.

  53. Kirk Miller says:

    For J. Caesar in Shakespeare’s big play,
    Ides of March was a murderous day.
    Caesar wanted to know
    Who’d delivered the blow.
    So he took a wild stab, “Et tu, Bruté?”

  54. Kirk Miller says:

    Like a famous Shakespearian play,
    Indecisive hounds sometimes will say
    They don’t know what to do.
    So the question they view
    Is just simply: to bay or not to bay.

  55. Kirk Miller says:

    With just one role to fill in the play,
    The director hired eight with full pay.
    All the clouds way up high
    Fully covered the sky.
    It was quite overcast on that day.

  56. Kirk Miller says:

    Any yard work, to me, is not play.
    To my wife words of praise I did say:
    “When you’re out cutting grass,
    You’re my favorite lass,
    And I lawn for you mower each day.”

  57. Jon Gearhart says:

    A young woman suspected foul play
    When her ex offered money to pay
    For her car wreck repairs
    Almost if he still cares

    Then he stole and drove it away

  58. Jon Gearhart says:

    A young woman suspected foul play
    When her ex offered money to pay
    For her car wreck repairs
    Almost if he still cares

    Then he stole it and drove it away

  59. Jon Gearhart says:

    Devil’s Advocate now I will play
    Saw your GIRLFRIEND on 3rd Street today
    Got a job selling chips
    I can tell cause her lips
    Never stopped as she screamed “FRITO LAY!”

  60. SHAKESPEARE MADE STUPID

    “As You Like It”‘s one heck of a play…
    Let me try to describe it, OK?
    There’s some kind of a garden
    (The Forest of Arden)
    Where Rosalind’s running away.

    Now, Rosalind hatches a ploy:
    She dresses herself as a boy
    Pursuing the hand o’
    This dude named Orlando,
    His confidence thus to enjoy.

    Orlando keeps trying to ply
    His suit, unaware that the guy
    In whom he confides
    His romantic asides
    Is Roz in a suit and a tie.

    Then Phebe, a pastoral beauty,
    Sees Roz’s faux-masculine beauty.
    “Hubba hubba!” says Phebe,
    “Whoever could HE be?
    Whoever he is, he’s a cutie!”

    So Pheb follows Roz with a plea:
    “Hey, babe! Take a gander at ME!
    What *am* I? Chopped liver?”
    (But Roz doesn’t give her
    A clue that “he”‘s really a “she”.)

    Such gender confusion! Oy vey!
    The trouble is, nobody’s gay!
    With the ploy, and the ply,
    And the plea, and… oh my:
    “As You Like It”‘s one heck of a play.

  61. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    With his doodle he’d frequently play
    And was warned he’d go blind one day
    But could not desist
    Making love to his fist
    Now he has a guide dog so they say.

  62. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A young lady deciding to play
    Plugged in her vibrator one day
    In the midst of her sport
    An electrical short
    Caused pubes to shoot every which way.

  63. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A Miner went to the city to play
    Met a Fag and realised he was gay
    So from working a sandpit
    Became an arse bandit
    Who is taking it every which way

  64. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A straight guy went to a stage play
    With a title “Queen of the May”
    Which had an effect
    He didn’t expect
    For by Interval found he’d turned gay.

  65. Rebecca says:

    @ Will T. Laughlin

    And yet, Will, if in love you play,
    Tension and passion rise like a soufflé.
    A woman, remember,
    Likes a light-fingered lover,
    Whose love-making is a little risqué.

  66. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A woman said this of her play:
    “In post-Brechtian, nihilist way
    My angst I will channel.”
    The critics said: “Flannel!
    It’s pretentious. Affected. Très.”

  67. brian miller says:

    a woman expected foul play
    ironically during a roll in the hay
    when she saw a bite
    that wasnt hers alright
    then bit him even harder anyway

    ha

  68. Craig says:

    Janet Jackson got hired to play.
    Justin Timberlake joined her that day.
    But then with a rip
    Came the slip of a nip –
    Now the Super Bowl’s shown on delay.

  69. Edmund Conti says:

    The thing, Shakespeare says, is the play
    Or vice versa or any which way.
    But I don’t give a damn. Let
    Hamlet be Hamlet.
    And let the chips fall where they may.

  70. Dear Ailsa: The lady whose nihil-
    -ist play reeked of trouble and trial
    May well be correcht
    That it echoes of Brecht,
    But the critics ask: was it worthWeill?

  71. Edmund Conti says:

    This lim’rick I put on display
    Is written the usual way
    Line three rhymes with four
    Exciting? There’s more.
    But nothing I’ll show you today.

  72. @Ed, re: Let Hamlet be Hamlet…

    The greatest of Hamlets historic?
    Frank Sinatra. The crowd went euphoric
    In the gravedigger scene
    With Horatio (Dean),
    When he sang ‘em “New Yorick, New Yorick”.

  73. A wealthy old man wished to play
    With a lovely young maiden named May.
    But May said, “Remember
    That you are December…
    THE PREVIOUS YEAR. Go away.”

  74. LAMENT OF AN OLD-SCHOOL MARXIST*

    “You bourgeois consumers who play
    ‘Revolution’ disgust me. I say
    You’re a dumb bunch of schmucks
    Paying two hundred bucks
    For a shirt with a picture of Che!”
    .
    .
    .
    (* no, not me.)

  75. Mark Kane says:

    A gambler made play after play,
    At the tables, his game was roulette.
    When asked what’s your trick?
    He replied, “Are you thick?”
    “Just let the chips fall where they may!”

  76. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    “The new Pub encourages play
    With free grog and a root every day”
    Said Dave, to his Dad
    Who asked, “Been there lad?”
    “No, but the Missus was there yesterday.”

  77. Jesse Levy says:

    The cat wants out or to play.
    so Curly’s up early each day.
    He meows until
    He becomes a real pill
    “But Curly boy, it’s Saturday!”

    But really he’s not only that
    He’s not just my alarm prat.
    He’s funny and warm
    and purrs up a storm
    I guess he’s a typical cat.

  78. Diane Groothuis says:

    A fellow would frequently play
    With his doodle for most of the day
    “Not being unkind
    But won’t you go blind?”
    Said a young lady passing that way.

  79. Diane Groothuis says:

    In London there’s running a play
    For 60 long years so they say
    It’s a whole lot of crap
    That famous “Mouse Trap”
    You work out “Who dunnit” your way..

  80. Said Shakespeare, “When writing a play
    “I glut on sour cheese every day.
    “I’m ne’er short of words
    “When I have the curds
    “And waste not, as Anne hath the whey.”

  81. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A cellist would frequently play
    At a posh central London soirée
    At a critical juncture
    Nerves and floor sustained puncture
    The cello end-pin pierced through the parquet.

  82. @David McCormick:

    Though Shakespeare ne’er wrote in a play
    This popular English cliché,
    When we speak of his wife
    It is true to the life:
    “She who hath a Will, Hathaway.”

  83. One more on the subject:

    Said Shakespeare, “I’m writing a play;
    Couldst thou save me the Holinshead, pray?”
    The librarian sighed.
    “No holds, bard,” he replied
    (And what could Will do but obey?).

  84. With a vacuum he thought he would play;
    Hidden blades chopped his penis away*.
    A talented doc
    Reconstructed his cock:
    ‘Twas a night to *re-member*, I’d say.

    (* I’m told — on good authority — that this happens surprisingly often.)

  85. Johanna Richmond says:

    There’s a story that’s getting some play;
    George Z’s now a hero they say.
    Pulled a guy from a wreck —
    It was risky but heck,
    Killing black folk has gotten passé.

  86. Johanna Richmond says:

    Oh, Anthony Weiner, don’t play
    Your fellow New Yorkers this way.
    You’re exposed once again.
    If you must bare Big Ben,
    Wind up life in the limelight, OK?!

  87. Jon Gearhart says:

    A young fellow would frequently ‘play’
    Jocelyn Elders told him it’s okay.
    “Let me settle your mind,
    It will NOT make you blind–
    It’s just so small that it SEEMS that way!!”

    “And if you continue to play
    This way year by year, day by day,
    I hope this thought calms,
    It won’t cause hairy palms
    And your phallus won’t callous or fray!”

  88. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    Debbie from Dallas liked to play
    At riding a phallus each day
    Which pleased her a lot
    But played hell with her twat
    Which is only a callous today.

  89. Tim James says:

    A woman would frequently play
    With the horse groom who tended her bay.
    Anytime they were able
    They made love in the stable.
    When she asked him, he couldn’t say neigh.

  90. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A Cavalry Horse in a stage play
    Showed how it darts into the fray
    With maximum force
    Unlike the cart horse
    Which can only fart into it’s dray.

  91. Jon Gearhart says:

    An adage of old comes in play
    When I think of George Z. and Tray
    Blackstone’s Formulation
    (In shortened summation)
    “Ten freed’s better’n one wrongful stay”

  92. Jon Gearhart says:

    If a civil case comes into play
    Then some justice may still come their way
    But no matter what still
    Either way come what will
    The outcome can’t bring them back Tray…

  93. Jon Gearhart says:

    In response to Johanna’s wordplay [on facebook]
    There is something that I’d like to say
    George’s sentence comes later
    When before his Creator
    The Lord works a mysterious way

    We don’t always see the whole play
    Could be why the trial went this way
    Had he been in a cell
    Things might not have gone well
    For those who he’s helped since that day

  94. John Larkin says:

    A woman had written a play
    about a young man gone astray.
    The story was base
    on a guy easily traced.
    His rep was what gave him away.

  95. A fellow would frequently play
    A prank on his dear Desiré
    Such that when she would dip her
    Toes into her slipper
    She’d step in persimmon puree

  96. We’ve got two different notions of play
    My emotions are prudish that way
    But, you act like I’m food
    When we’re both in the nude
    And I feel like a chocolate parfait

  97. I must make it appear I’m at play
    Finger painting with words is OK
    If they knew what it took
    To write gobbledygook
    Then my family might lock me away

  98. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow would frequently play
    A Mozart sonata in A.
    Like a real Viennese
    He would tickle the keys
    He’d refer to as his “clavier.”

  99. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow who wanted to play
    With a woman who lived down the way
    Was wasting his time,
    For she said to him: “I’m
    An actual Gay Divorcée.”

  100. Dr. Goose says:

    A woman who wanted to play
    At rhyming the Limerick way
    Is not very keen
    On being obscene,
    But is fine if a line is risqué.

  101. Dr. Goose says:

    A heel who had wanted to play
    Found out every dog has his day,
    But then this old rover
    Was forced to roll over,
    As well as to sit and to stay.

  102. Dr. Goose says:

    In a twist on a time-honored play,
    It’s set in Verona, N.J.
    The families feud
    While totally nude
    And the ill-fated lovers are gay.

  103. Dr. Goose says:

    An athlete who wanted to play
    Met a girl who would lead him astray.
    Said he to the ho:
    “Yes I’d like to go pro,
    But I really just meant NBA.”

  104. Edmund Conti says:

    I’m watching the stragglers at play
    They wait to the very last day
    They frolic, they’re frisky
    Their rhyme-schemes are risky
    It time that we put them away.

  105. Edmund Conti says:

    Some people just doodle. I play
    As I draw in my own special way.
    Just what do they mean
    These lines? Well, between
    Them is nothing but my DNA.

  106. Diane Groothuis says:

    I do love my limerick play
    It quite often lightens my day
    The humour (and smut)
    Amuse me much but
    The friendships we make are okay.

  107. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 124.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick High.