Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: JERK at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using “JERK” at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A chef who had many a quirk
Would pretend to be simple, then smirk.
He’d rant and he’d rave.
He’d act chicken, then brave–
Seems the fellow was simply a jerk.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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71 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: JERK at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5”

  1. Fred Bortz says:

    Antagonists in Space

    Let’s take Takei’s take on his work
    As Sulu beside Captain Kirk:
    Through trekking galactic,
    Each self-centered tactic,
    Made George think, “That Shatner’s a jerk.”

    Source: George Takei Reveals Why He Can’t Stand William Shatner.

  2. Jon Gearhart says:

    I know it’s the home of that jerk,
    Miley Cyrus, the Queen of berserk.
    You can tell she’s a slut
    By the ink on her butt:
    A tattooed sign that reads “Men at Twerk”.

  3. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    There was a young fellow, a Turk
    Who oft gave his wiener a jerk
    Till the Imam one day
    said, “You’ll wear it away
    But this advice was met with a smirk

  4. Bob Leggett says:

    At a Lapp dancing club after work
    Three Eskimos started to twerk
    I swallowed my gin
    And tried to join in
    But looked like a physical jerk

  5. .
    She had a few drinks after work
    And then slept in the arms of a clerk.
    She then dreamed of a life
    As a happy young wife
    But, alas, woke up with a jerk.

  6. Fred Bortz says:

    A brilliant young lawyer found work
    At SCOTUS as No-Nino’s clerk.
    But his derision
    For every decision
    Made him say that his boss was a jerk.

  7. Fred Bortz says:

    A brilliant young lawyer found work
    At SCOTUS as No-Nino’s clerk.
    But soon his derision
    For every decision
    Made him say that his boss was a jerk.

  8. Judith Block says:

    Each time I must yank, twist and jerk,
    Frustrations make me go berserk
    Bottle caps are too tight
    It’s really a plight
    It’s always, this isn’t a quirk.

  9. Judith Block says:

    A guy could not eat chicken jerk
    Near bathrooms he would have to lurk,
    It was way too spicy,
    His stomach felt dicey,
    Intestines would just overwork.

  10. Judith Block says:

    As soon as I heard the term, “jerk”,
    Thought Repub. candidates and their smirk,
    Clowns squeezed in clown car
    They’ll never go far.
    This isn’t the famed Soleil Cirque.

  11. Judith Block says:

    Be gentle, don’t pull, yank or jerk,
    Tease, firmly caress, that will work.
    You want him to last,
    Not end it too fast;
    To haunt him and drive him berserk.

  12. Lisi Nortman says:

    Dirk at work was a jerk
    He looked at me with an unsavory smirk

    But when we went out to eat
    He gave me a treat

    Now I consider Dirk a perk

  13. Fred Bortz says:

    She once loved his every sweet quirk.
    She insisted each one was a perk.
    But there’s little enjoyment
    If spouse lacks employment,
    So she dumped him, that work-shirking jerk.

  14. Fred Bortz says:

    Limerick Ode to My Least Favorite Ex-Senator

    Some say that Santorum’s a jerk,
    But that understates the man’s work.
    He stirs up such bile
    That we must call him vile.
    It’s not a mere character quirk.

  15. Dave Johnson says:

    A collections attorney named Kirk
    Desires a new line of work.

    His resume states
    The most obvious traits:

    “An accomplished, professional jerk…”

  16. Fred Bortz says:

    He awoke from his dream with a jerk.
    Without time to change for his work.
    His sheer lingerie
    Made for quite an odd day.
    Each, “Your Honor,” was matched with a smirk.

  17. Lisi Nortman says:

    If you think your boyfriend’s a jerk
    Here’s a formula you shouldn’t shirk:

    If on the first date you go
    With his mommy to play Bingo

    That should tell you it ain’t gonna work

  18. Jesse Levy says:

    I often submit a new work
    to the studios in which there lurk
    some youngsters in charge
    with egos real large.
    Rejections come from a green jerk.

  19. Lisi Nortman says:

    My boyfriend sometimes acts like a jerk
    He never stops talking; it’s sort of a quirk

    In bed he goes crazy
    But tells me I’m lazy

    Says I don’t understand about teamwork

  20. Dave Johnson says:

    “It’s broken” she said to the clerk.
    “I tried it — it simply won’t work.”

    For a sex toy returned,
    The solution she learned:

    “To fix it, just give it a jerk.”

  21. Kirk Miller says:

    Ear, nose, throat doctor isn’t a jerk.
    When examining throats, has a quirk.
    Nurses want you to know
    He is happy, although
    He looks down in the mouth at his work.

  22. Kirk Miller says:

    On my birthday I went quite berserk,
    And I acted just like a big jerk.
    Seems I caused quite a fuss
    And caused people to cuss
    When I wore just my birthday suit to work.

  23. Kirk Miller says:

    Opinions are low of coarse Kirk.
    From playing with self he won’t shirk.
    The way he’ll conclude
    This action that’s lewd
    Is the same as the man: a big jerk.

  24. Fred Bortz says:

    Civility reigns in my work.
    There’s never a leer or a smirk.
    The reason that’s true–
    And I’m talking to you–
    I tell asshats, “Just f*k off, you jerk!”

  25. Jesse Levy says:

    An actor named Tony Perk
    ins, enjoyed eating tiny gherk
    So much did he eat ’em,
    when he tried to beat ’em,
    they were too small for circle jerk

  26. Lisi Nortman says:

    My friend Mary is sometimes a jerk
    I met her last month at work

    She wears “Vanilla Mood”
    My dog thinks it’s food

    When he smells her, he goes berserk

  27. Lisi Nortman says:

    revision: the way I meant it to read

    Dirk at work was a jerk
    He looked at me with an unsavory smirk

    But when we went out to eat
    He gave me a tasty treat

    Now Dirk at work is a perk!

  28. Dave Johnson says:

    Unaware a patrol car would lurk,
    Dick continued to drive like a jerk.

    As he passed on the right –
    Middle finger in sight,

    Those flashing blue lights went to work.

  29. Brian Allgar says:

    Playing ‘Spock’ made him feel like a jerk,
    And his ears caused his colleagues to smirk.
    Though the role was a curse,
    It could have been worse
    If they’d asked him to play ‘Captain Kirk’.

  30. Dave Johnson says:

    In the Sixties, they all did The Jerk;
    And now they are trying to Twerk.

    As fads come and go,
    Some people will show

    When the music starts, they go berserk.

  31. Dave Johnson says:

    A teenager started to work
    With a strength coach who won’t let him shirk.

    But now in the shower,
    He’s there by the hour

    And claims he was told “Clean and jerk”.

  32. Lisi Nortman says:

    My boyfriend was always out of work
    He was fired from his job as a clerk

    He won the lottery
    And became a commodity

    Now he’s my lovable jerk

  33. Lisi Nortman says:


    My boyfriend is out of work
    He was fired from his job as a clerk

    Then he won the lottery
    And became a commodity

    Now he’s my lovable jerk

  34. Susan Lichtblau says:

    There once was a fellow named Dirk
    Who would lurk while at work -what a jerk
    All the women he spied
    Took him for a ride
    That ended his quirk with their smirk.

  35. Tim James says:

    The Dirty Dozen
    (Or Whatever Number They’re Up To Now)

    These Republicans all share a quirk:
    Each is trained to behave like a jerk.
    This “repeal and replace”
    Is required by their base.
    But the gay-bashing? That’s just a perk.

  36. Kristin Smith says:

    From Phyllis Sterling Smith:

    Her boyfriend, the young soda-jerk,
    Never paid anything at his work.
    He plied her with treats,
    Ice cream sodas and sweets
    And called it the soda-jerk’s perk.

  37. Dave Johnson says:

    He drove an old ’55 Merc;
    The monster would shimmy and jerk.
    But later at night
    If the mood was just right,
    He could count on the back seat to work.

  38. David Reddekopp says:

    An unstable fellow named Dirk
    Got angry and then went berserk
    He took off his trousers
    And wanked himself – wowzers!
    All over the place – what a jerk!

  39. Phil Graham says:

    Erectile Dysfunction made Kirk
    Find that getting erect took much work
    And to his great disgrace
    He took 23rd place
    In a 22-man circle jerk.

  40. Lisi Nortman says:

    “How do you get this thing to work?”
    “Easy: Just give it a little jerk”

    “It will taste quite yummy;
    And not too gummy”

    “And that’s how you get my coffee to perk”

  41. Mark Kane says:

    Donald Trump, you’re a hell-raising jerk
    Who’s surprised that his lies didn’t work.
    We got as desired,
    And watched you get Fired!
    (But as feared you continue to lurk.)

  42. Lisi Nortman says:

    I asked a young mail clerk
    Why he was so careless at work

    “My job has no enjoyment
    So I’m striving for unemployment

    Because my boss is an obnoxious jerk”

  43. Dave Johnson says:

    Here is Ted Cruz and his smirk;
    Obnoxious while even a clerk.

    If he’s on the stump
    With one Donald Trump,

    We’ll see both a dick and a jerk.

  44. Phil Graham says:

    A curious teenager, Burke,
    Would peek through a keyhole and jerk
    That naughty young voyeur
    Would watch from the foyer
    In hopes he would see his folks ferk.

  45. Brian Allgar says:

    The pretty young nurse got to work,
    Though the guy was a bit of a berk.
    She went down on her knees
    And despite all his pleas
    Ripped the plaster straight off with a jerk.

  46. Brian Allgar says:

    He was swimming at night in the murk
    When he felt a disquieting jerk.
    He found with alarm
    He was missing an arm …
    Then the shark went completely berserk.

  47. Brian Allgar says:

    The hooker was good at her work;
    There was never a job she would shirk.
    Front or back she would fuck,
    She would blow and she’d suck,
    And was handy at jerking a jerk.

  48. Dave Johnson says:

    Donald Trump has an interesting quirk;
    Every word of his says “I’m a jerk.”

    The message is clear;
    So we get to hear

    A comb-overed gasbag at work.

  49. Lisi Nortman says:

    In ’56 I met “handsome Kirk”
    So proud was I of my soda jerk

    When he gave me the long spoon
    I couldn’t help but swoon

    We’ll be having our 60th. at the famous “Le Cirque”

  50. Lisi Nortman says:

    In ’56 I met Kirk
    He worked as a soda jerk

    When he gave me the long spoon
    I couldn’t help but swoon

    We’re having out “60th” at Le Cirque

  51. Rose Ketring says:

    Scott was a grocery clerk
    Last Tuesday he just went berserk
    Throwing steak to the trees
    Painting manager’s face with cream cheese
    Her toupee came off with a jerk

  52. Phil Graham says:

    A man I know says with a smirk,
    “I can use hand or foot when I jerk!
    And since I’m double-jointed
    This means I’ve anointed
    My toes AND my fingers with murk.”

  53. Phil Graham says:

    There once was a man named McGuirk
    With a dreadfully hard to take quirk.
    At a concert, this hick
    Would stand flicking his Bic
    And in general, being a jerk.

  54. Lisi Nortman says:

    When you date a soda jerk
    It’s really quite a perk

    He’ll give you a flavor
    You can thoroughly savor

    Just be sure you wipe off that smirk.

  55. Dave Johnson says:

    They called him an angry Young Turk
    But he had just one simple quirk.

    If someone would glare,
    Merely glance or just stare,

    He’d rip off their ear with a jerk.

  56. Dave Johnson says:

    He called her and said “Hi, it’s Kirk.
    I’ll pick you up right after work.”

    She waited all night;
    He was nowhere in sight.

    That’s life when your boyfriend’s a jerk.

  57. David Reddekopp says:

    All men have a gherkin to jerk
    Most find that their jerkin’s a perk
    But woe to the guys
    Who can’t make it rise
    And find that their gherkin won’t work.

  58. Kaye Roberts says:

    The law firm of Quarrels and Quirk
    Was reputed to cater to murk

    Although Quarrels, they say
    Was a bit of okay

    While his partner, Quin Quirk, Was a jerk

  59. Suzanne Heymann says:

    This chef who is known as a jerk
    Who wants to enjoy every perk
    He just didn’t earn it
    His job – didn’t learn it
    The lazy bum hated to work.

  60. Allen Wilcox says:

    A eunuch was told he must jerk.
    The most obvious choice wouldn’t work.
    His fingers and toes
    Wouldn’t do, nor his nose.
    He decided he’d much rather twerk.

  61. Suzanne Heymann says:

    A student, a real lazy jerk
    Just hated the thought of schoolwork
    He’d sleep during class
    And keep passing gas
    And never complete his homework.

  62. Allen Wilcox says:

    His wife had a strange little quirk.
    When he came home from work she would lurk
    In the dark in the house,
    And be still as a mouse,
    Then jump out and give him a jerk.

  63. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Steve Martin, who starred in “The Jerk”
    As someone whose brain didn’t work
    I, during and after
    Keeled over with laughter
    My funnybone just went berserk!

  64. Allen Wilcox says:

    If you’re constantly seeing a smirk
    On the face of a person at work,
    One of Murphy’s sub-laws
    Says expect this because
    At least one of your workmate’s a jerk.

  65. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Each man in my life was a jerk
    So I’m single – a permanent quirk
    I just have it in me
    That no one can win me
    A man is just too much hard work.

  66. Lisi Nortman says:

    I had a tryst with Kirk
    Because people called him a jerk

    We sneaked away
    Almost every day

    To perform our undercover work

  67. Lisi Nortman says:

    My boyfriend’s name is Dirk
    He has an unusual quirk

    He stands on his head
    When he goes to bed

    So he can see his dreams in reverse

  68. Lisi Nortman says:


    People think my boyfriend’s a JERK
    Because he has an unusual quirk

    He stands on his head
    When he goes to bed

    So he can see his dreams in reverse

  69. Lisi Nortman says:

    Johnny was fired from work
    Because he’s a total jerk

    He embezzled the money
    And gave it to his honey:

    The boss: Mrs Gertrude McGurke

  70. Dave Johnson says:

    Artie, a cabbie at work
    Has a rather unique little quirk.

    Whenever upset,
    Dyslexic he’ll get

    And starts yelling “You stupid off-jerk!”

  71. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners; Limerick of the Week 220.

    But you can still can have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has must begun: Limerick-Off Heat.