Limerick Buff (Limerick-Off Monday)

Today, May 12th, is Limerick Day, in honor of Edward Lear’s birthday. So it’s an especially good day for a Limerick-Off. And my own limerick seems particularly appropriate too.

As you all know by now, I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman who’d swim in the buff…*

or

A fellow was trying to buff…*

or

A savvy astronomy buff… (or zoology or economy or gastronomy buff, etc.) *

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Buff (2-Verse)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There once was a limerick buff
Who of rhyming could not get enough.
She would rhyme night and day
In a metrical way,
Writing verse that her spouse labeled fluff.

It was clearly a matter of time
Till their marriage erupted in crime.
Things came to a head;
Now her husband is dead.
Cause of death — spouse aversion to rhyme.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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85 Responses to “Limerick Buff (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Mark Kane says:

    Stripped of clothing and totally buff,
    Soon their play was unusually rough.
    Though she showed some restraint,
    He had one small complaint;
    He preferred both his hands off the cuff.

  2. Dean Deters says:

    A woman who’d swim in the buff,
    Met a swimmer who thought himself tough.
    But the water was cold,
    And the shrinkage was bold.
    Of her laughing he had just enough!

  3. Mark Kane says:

    These strippers are all more than buff,
    But to match this in nature is tough.
    Not to worry, It’s true,
    They bid sagging adieu,
    Once their surgeon injects the right stuff.

  4. A woman who’d swim in the buff,
    Eventually shouted ‘Enough!’
    “Five ling and two flounder
    And a groper, the bounder,
    Have laid their eggs in my muff.

  5. Bob Dvorak says:

    A woman who’d swim in the buff
    Tried the ocean one day. Sure enough:
    Along came an eel,
    Copped a slippery feel.
    But the gal? “Sorry, pal. Not my stuff.”

  6. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A savvy Shakespearean buff
    Declaimed loudly from: “Lay on, Macduff!”
    The Bard’s lines do not scan
    To the limerick plan
    But “Hold!” it ends, then “enough!”

  7. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A fellow who’d swim in the buff
    Left his clothes on the bank, and some stuff
    Such as car keys and coins
    And a towel for his loins
    When of bathing he had had enough.

  8. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A savvy gastronomy buff
    Said, “I cannot resist a cream puff!
    The crisp pâte à choux
    Is a wonder to chew
    And teamed with the cream – gorgeous stuff!”

  9. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A passionate Regency buff
    Did not smoke but instead would take snuff
    His nicotine fix
    Was a delicate mix
    Of tobaccos, inhaled off his cuff.

  10. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A savvy economy buff
    Asserted, “In Europe, it’s tough:
    Unemployment, a slump.
    In Greece, will they dump
    the blamed euro? We’ll know soon enough.”

  11. Chris Papa says:

    A contented G&S buff,
    Could never get just quite enough,
    Once D’Oyly Carte left,
    He felt quite bereft,
    And faced life without them, now tough.

  12. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A fellow was trying to buff
    His Triumph to shine good enough
    The tank and nacelle
    Polished up really well
    But the wheels had many a scuff …

  13. Mark Kane says:

    She knocked on my door in the buff,
    And whispered, “I have the right stuff.”
    Handing me Astroglide,
    (Which I gladly applied,)
    I proceeded to do her quite rough.

  14. Judith H. Block says:

    A savvy astronomy buff
    Felt his knowledge not up to snuff.
    “I sure miss Carl Sagan,
    He was my safe haven,
    Without him, my insight’s a bluff!”

  15. Hansi says:

    A woman who’d swim in the buff
    Often found the waters cold and rough
    She was quite a sight
    And to everyone’s delight
    Knew how to show off her stuff.

  16. Mark Kane says:

    It isn’t enough to be buff,
    In pop music the market is tough.
    Can’t sing? Then my dear,
    There’s one show you should fear.
    On “The Voice” you must be bring the real stuff.

  17. Fred Bortz says:

    Is it okay to wax philosophical? Maybe I’ll come up with a humorous one later.

    My bod, which has never been buff,
    Or brawny, or sexy, or tough,
    Would be a great pain
    Were I hopelessly vain,
    But I strive and I thrive. That’s enough.

  18. Fred Bortz says:

    Online is a limerick buff
    Who knows that he has the right stuff
    To win Mad Kane’s prize,
    But each week she denies,
    Saying, “Hon’rable Mention’s enough!”

  19. zee alexi says:

    Mad’s spouse’s Cause of Death: HEE, hee. Nonfiction I.D.-TV [“Wives w/Knives,” “Evil-in-Law”] jolts lightning storms & clapping thunder into shivering head so Mad’s goosebumps murder was the sighed-for spicy stimulant. Recall: “Mad Magazine’s Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions” book. Al Jaffee [Foldout Pg creator]: “I was fixing my TV antenna on the roof & my 10-yr-old yells to ask where his mom is & I’m on the roof, afraid of heights. So I said that I killed her & stuffed her into the chimney. After I apologized, I realized that every1 gets bugged by ?s w/obvious answers.”

  20. yt cai says:

    A Billy Goat was feeling quite buff
    King of the hill was his kind of stuff
    Found out that talk is cheap
    There atop that junk heap
    Foe kicked his can right off of that bluff

  21. John Sardo says:

    A savvy astronomy buff
    Was giving a speech off the cuff.
    He said to his class
    You get energy from mass.
    If not careful you’ll out the world snuff.

  22. John Sardo says:

    A fellow was trying to buff
    His car with a girl’s powder puff.
    Didn’t know how he got
    For last night he forgot it
    But the girl in the car was really hot stuff.

  23. Carolyn Henly says:

    An inveterate Limerick-Off bough
    Said “the rhyme for this week is quite tough!
    Like a pig with her trough
    I just can’t get enough
    Of these end-words not quite up to snough!”

  24. One day I was trying to buff
    a limerick that was too rough
    if Edward Lear
    only were here
    he’d help me get it up to snuff.
    Now, Mr. Lear, I sorely fear
    my limerick is very near
    to awful, my friend,
    it won’t amend
    without help from you, Mr. Lear.

  25. Tim James says:

    A woman had made herself buff
    But somehow it wasn’t enough.
    She decided she’d just
    Try enhancing her bust
    With padding. Now that’s The Right Stuff.

  26. colonialist says:

    A woman who’d swim in the buff
    Discovered that coral was rough;
    With more than one cut
    All over her butt,
    Of buff she’d had more than enough.

    A man who would swim in the buff
    Had a shark take his dangle-down stuff;
    Now his voice in the choir
    Can to higher aspire –
    No longer a baritone gruff.

  27. Carolyn Henly says:

    Since Tim James brings it up, perhaps we should have a little homage to the movie, which is 30 years old this year:

    An old time adventure film buff
    Told his pal he could not get enough
    Of the pilots who found
    A speed faster than sound:
    That’s what he calls The Right Stuff!

  28. brian miller says:

    a man ran the road in the buff
    to best his good buddies bluff
    round the corner a siren
    came fast a blaring
    and jumping in the bushes was rough

    ha. true story.

  29. Kim Nelson says:

    Oh, I hope this is not autobiographical! LOL!

  30. Diane Groothuis says:

    A woman who’d swim in the buff
    Owned bikinis of all sorts of stuff
    And the one that was hot
    Was the yellow polka dot
    But the rivalry was very tough.

  31. John Richter says:

    Me car needed a pretty good buff,
    but me pad was just a bit rough…..
    So I asked the lassie next door
    if she’d blow on me sheepskin some more,
    and she departed in a fervent big huff!

  32. Diane Groothuis says:

    A fellow who swam in the buff
    Encountered a crab which was rough
    It latched on so tight
    And his privates did bite
    That he screamed “Can you help me it’s tough?”

  33. Carolyn Henly says:

    To Ailsa, who did NOT go down the path of the obvious misquote that so many people trot out:

    A pseudo-Shakespearean buff
    Found that learning his lines was quite rough.
    He got fired one day
    From the old Scottish play
    ‘Cuz he kept saying “Lead on, Macduff!”

  34. A woman who’d swim in the buff,
    found seaweed had wedged in her stuff.
    She filled up the tub,
    and started to scrub,
    while bath water lathered with scruff.

    definition 2.

  35. A savvy economy buff
    Exclaimed, “O, enough is enough!”
    The low interest’s insane.
    Keeping track is a pain,
    So I’ll grab my bed mattress and stuff.

  36. Sue Dulley says:

    An avid young mountain bike buff
    Prefers to ride trails that are tough.
    If it’s not steep and lumpy
    And twisty and humpy
    He’ll still take the smooth with the rough.

  37. Tim James says:

    A wedding night spent in the buff
    Turned out for one guy to be rough.
    His bride, not well knowing
    The concept of “blowing,”
    Passed out after one giant puff.

  38. Pat Hatt says:

    A woman who’d swim in the buff
    Liked the waves when they were rough
    But she missed her mark
    Got eaten by a shark
    At least she was happy she made it choke being so tough

  39. JulesPaige says:

    Transformative

    A woman who’d swim in the buff
    Did so in calm waters, not rough
    Alone by the light of the moon
    Wasn’t seen uncovered at noon
    By day wore high collar and long sleeve cuff

    ©JP/davh

  40. kaykuala says:

    A woman who’d swim in the buff…
    Created some unexpected laughs
    She tried the backstroke
    That was when they broke
    Into laughter seeing turfs above

    Hank

  41. My friend is a Joss Whedon buff.
    His wife really isn’t. It’s rough:
    Though at her insistence
    He gives her some distance,
    What “Buffy”-buff buffer’s enough?

  42. Says my Dad, the conspiracy buff:
    “David Axelrod *IS* David Plouffe!
    Just think! Did you ever
    See both Daves togevver?”
    Life’s really too short for this stuff.

  43. Though I’m an orthography buff,
    I don’t know why “cough” isn’t “cuff”.
    “Tough” plus “rough” is “trough”, true;
    But add H and it’s “through”…
    So am I. I have had quite enow.
    Enue.
    Enoe?
    Enoff?!!

    (Motherghougher…!)

  44. James Hazelton says:

    A woman who’d swim in the buff
    Caused a stir in the pool sure enough.
    All the swimmers jumped in
    For a glimpse of her skin;
    And the lifeguard stormed off in a huff.

  45. Kirk Miller says:

    On the beach woman lay in the buff,
    And she hoped that she’d soon get enough
    Oral sex from a guy
    Who was just walking by;
    ‘Twas a chance that she hoped he would muff.

  46. Ailsa McKillop says:

    To Carolyn Henly — thank you, you inspired me to do another one!

    An Oxford Shakespearean buff
    Of misquotations had had enough
    His manner was chilly
    When he heard “gild the lily”
    “It’s paint!” he would growl, in a huff.

    And as for that play ’bout a Dane
    Another mistake caused him pain
    The “Alas,” bit — “poor Yorick”–
    He’d get quite melancholic
    Hearing “I knew him well” yet again.

  47. Diane Groothuis says:

    The Oxford Shakespearean buff
    Thought things in the old times were tough
    It seems rather queer
    To lend one your ear
    Just to bury a king in a huff..

  48. @Diane:

    What Antony ought to have said
    Was: “Please keep your ears on your head.
    Digging graves with your ears
    Would take days, if not years…
    Romans, lend me your shovels instead!”

  49. A woman who’d swim in the buff
    On a whim ‘ould strip down to her duff
    She’d no inhibition
    And showed no contrition
    From silly hautes she took no guff

  50. A woman who’d swim in the buff
    Held her breasts when she left in a huff
    While the geeks who would gawk
    Wondered which way she’d walk
    Would they oggle her muff or her duff

  51. A twice savvy limerick buff
    Thinks her lim-off’s gone into a slough
    And if that’s not enough
    Speaking right off the cuff
    Forty-four’s sails are starting to luff

  52. With a fiddle young Roy was a buff
    At the Opry he showed off his stuff
    He delivered the word
    With “The Great Speckled Bird”
    He’s the legend’ry Mr. A Cuff

  53. A vampire slayer named buff
    Found her high school particu’rly tough
    On top of her courses
    She battled dark forces
    Now Kolchak looks like a big pluff

  54. A savvy astronomy buff
    Has spent seven years in a huff
    He says “Damn it, Janet
    Our Pluto’s a planet
    So can all this Kuiper belt stuff

  55. Obama’s most clumsy rebuff
    Of the Tea Party wasn’t enough
    With his ass in a sling
    He should do the right thing
    But remember these dirtbags play rough

  56. A savvy unsavory buff
    Didn’t dawdle or sit on his duff
    He blew down the pigs
    Little house made of twigs
    But their brick house he left in a huff

  57. A woman who’d swim in the buff
    With the witches, Macbeth, and Macduff
    Felt it just wasn’t cool
    With a dog in the pool
    And said “Out damn Spot, ‘nough is enough”

  58. The Oxford Shakespearean buff
    (If you sneak up and quote him some stuff
    Such as “music has charms…”)
    With a wave of his arms
    Cries, “That’s Congreve!” and gives you a cuff.

    But misquote when you quote the wrong Bill,
    And I’m told he’ll be angrier still.
    Say “Hell hath no fury…” –
    He’ll be judge and jury
    And wallop you silly, he will.

  59. John Larkin says:

    A savvy economy buff
    found his knowledge was not quite enough.
    For, despite all his schooling
    and the recent Fed ruling,
    the recovery is simply a bluff.

  60. Johanna Richmond says:

    When she asked him to swim in the buff,
    Walter feared he might lack the right stuff.
    Later, seaweed entangled,
    So many things dangled,
    Just being not GREEN was enough.

  61. Johanna Richmond says:

    A couple who fights in the buff
    Might consider concealing their stuff.
    Why make yourself hoarse
    In mad intercourse
    To end trotting away in a huff?

  62. Johanna Richmond says:

    A one time Philosopher buff,
    That and More turned to cranial fluff.
    Deduct Marx from my score;
    On my Hume-or Mill door
    There’s a Locke. Kant name one off the cuff.

  63. foam says:

    Slightly revised version .. again! Tsking at myself here..

    A woman who swam in the buff
    Dove under when waters got rough
    Deeply did she venture
    Then, what a misadventure
    When jelly fish stung her bare muff..

  64. Sue Dulley says:

    An old ornithology buff
    Discovered a nest on a bluff.
    A black bird with red legs
    Had laid 3 to 5 eggs
    And his book said it must be a chough.

  65. Sue Dulley says:

    On “Survivor” they each get a Buff
    Made of tribe-coloured spandexy stuff
    To wear as a skirt
    Or a scarf or a shirt,
    But a dress? No, it’s not long enough.

  66. Sue Dulley says:

    It’s hard to sleep well in the buff,
    Getting covers just right can be tough.
    With two blankets or more
    The sweat starts to pour
    But then one isn’t nearly enough.

  67. Diane Groothuis says:

    A Scottish Shakespearean buff
    Who tried not to lay on McDuff
    Said “Although I’m a Scot
    I really must not
    Treat my poor puppy so rough”

  68. Ailsa McKillop says:

    The Oxford Shakespearean buff
    Observed to his class: It’s no bluff
    Of all the works which
    English language enrich
    Just two stand out, strangely enough

    One is the Bible (King James’)
    Which the path to salvation proclaims!
    Then Shakespeare — though art
    From Good Book poles apart –
    Entertainment the first of its aims

    The first describes Noah and raven
    Has a ukase ‘gainst images graven
    It tells of dry bones
    Of articulate stones
    And belief that it harms to be shaven

    In Shakespeare is seen human life
    Jealousy, love, madness and strife
    From Hamlet — depressed
    To heroines, cross-dressed
    And plays that extol a good wife

    Check your source (said the prof), don’t cry craven!
    To laziness be not enslaven!
    I don’t find it amazing
    That Biblical phrasing
    Is oft taken as Shakespeare’s of Avon

    It’s no question of slander, nor libel
    Or cause for great wars intertribal
    Which was the precursor?
    It works vice versa:
    Will’s lines said to be from the Bible

    So students (he said) be on guard
    Sometimes you will find it quite hard
    When you try to appraise
    If a well-fitting phrase
    Has come from the Bible – or Bard.

  69. THAT RESTAURANT IN ARIZONA

    Be careful, gastronomy buff,
    Not to go when the chef’s in a huff.
    If you send back your luncheon,
    She’ll whip out her truncheon
    And treat all the customers rough.

  70. For me, as a horror film buff,
    Watching slasher flick remakes is tough;
    For the screenplays are lame,
    And they all look the same,
    And the killers just aren’t up to… snuff.

  71. A porn star, on set in the buff,
    Found he wasn’t quite turgid enough.
    But the fluffer, Lenore,
    Had been eating a s’more,
    So she gave him a Marshmallow Fluff.

  72. rafael says:

    A girl who posed in the buff
    Was wishing she had the right stuff
    But God played a trick
    Gave her a dick
    A HUMDINGER, if that weren’t enough

  73. SLUFF, SLOO, SLAU

    A snake went around in the buff
    After shedding his skin in a slough.
    You’ll find the skin now
    In a slough south of Slough…
    (Have you all had enough of this stough?)

    (Tough!)

  74. Cap’n Richard, the yacht racing buff,
    Courts the ladies with confidence bluff.
    But his shame, when he fails,
    Takes the wind from his sails…
    That’s the trouble with falling in luff.

  75. Here’s Dick, the binocular buff,
    Spotting trains as they pass, chuff-a-chuff.
    Say, but what’s this I spy?
    There’s a girls’ school nearby…
    Hey Dickie: I’m calling your bluff!

  76. I’m told if I want to be buff,
    Then I have to get off of my duff.
    Yet the muscle we men
    Work again and again
    Never grows. Do we work it *enough*?

  77. Dr. Goose says:

    A guy who went out in the buff
    Soon heard, in a voice that was gruff:
    “Ah, sir, in accordance
    With our local ord’nance,
    Please hold out your hands and I’ll cuff.”

  78. Dr. Goose says:

    A gal who went out in the buff
    And accosted old Officer Hough,
    Found the law to be hard
    In this one regard:
    His nightstick, strangely enough.

  79. Dr. Goose says:

    When opting to swim in the buff,
    One confronts a decision so tough:
    Would it be more obscene
    To shave oneself clean
    Or fearlessly feature one’s fluff?

  80. Dr. Goose says:

    At the beach where they bathe in the buff,
    I soon felt I’d ogled enough,
    As many a sight
    Reminded me quite
    Of turkeys you’d broil and stuff.

  81. Dr. Goose says:

    The Kid had to wax and to buff
    The cars ’til he’d had quite enough,
    And Mr. Miyagi,
    On finding him groggy,
    Determined he had the right stuff.

  82. Dr. Goose says:

    Ms. Kane wanted verses with “buff”
    But all of us ain’t done enough.
    If we don’t do our best,
    She might get depressed
    And give up the Limerick-Uff.

  83. Carolyn Henly says:

    This limerick fan can’t get enough
    Of Ailsa’s misquoting stuff
    The one we’re still needing
    ‘s a famous misreading
    Oft’ spewed out as 9th graders’ guff:

    From her balcony up near the sky,
    Juliet ponders long ‘bout her guy:
    “Wherefore art thou Romeo?”
    But the line doesn’t go
    “Where are you?” It’s all about why!

  84. Diane Groothuis says:

    A woman who wore beige or buff
    Could not get attention enough
    The colour so bland
    Blended in with the sand
    On the beach and concealed her good stuff.

  85. madkane says:

    This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners:
    Limerick of the Week 114

    By you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Ink