Limerick Ink (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow with too much red ink…*

or

A woman was trying to ink…*

or

A woman was hoping to ink…*

or

A fellow was purchasing ink…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Ink
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman with too much red ink
Spilled some paint and rushed off to the sink.
But the stains were severe
And removal costs dear.
You might say she was NOT tickled pink.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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89 Responses to “Limerick Ink (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Gary Chomiak says:

    A woman was hoping to ink,
    those places where bodies do stink.
    She was at the end of her wits
    trying to ink those two pits,
    Until she passed out with a lot of strong drink.

  2. A fellow with too much red ink
    from his editor, made such a stink
    his editor said
    if you don’t like red,
    write things that won’t make me blush pink!

  3. Linkmeister says:

    A fellow with too much red ink
    Had shareholders making a stink
    He said “Never Fear!
    Sales will skyrocket next year!
    Our spokesperson then will be Pink!”

  4. Ailsa McKillop says:

    If you are purchasing ink
    Take heed what graphologists think:
    Select blue: you are caring
    Write with black — overbearing?
    As for green — you should see a shrink!

  5. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A woman was purchasing ink
    But this action bore truly no link
    To writing letter or memo –
    ‘Twas to take part in a demo
    To throw over those who wear mink.

  6. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A fellow with too much red ink
    Said, “The colour’s too strong, let me think …”
    Silver ink was there plenty
    He poured in bottles twenty
    The result? A grotesque shade of pink.

  7. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A fellow was purchasing ink
    While under the ‘fluence of drink
    To this day the stain lingers
    Where it slipped through his fingers
    His brain and his hands out of sync!

  8. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A fellow with too much red ink
    Poured gallons of it down the sink
    His mum cried: “You varlet!
    You have turned the chrome scarlet!”
    She didn’t half kick up a stink …

  9. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A fellow with too much red ink
    From a quite painful use did not shrink
    One tattoo, then another …
    Oh, why did he smother
    With scarlet his skin — did he think?

  10. Ailsa McKillop says:

    When the foreman found too much red ink
    In the cupboard, he gave a broad wink,
    “I’ll take these bottles home –
    They won’t care if they roam!”
    But they did, and he’s now in the clink

  11. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A chemist was purchasing ink
    A straightforward task, one might think
    But of ingredients leery
    None could answer his query
    If the product contained powdered zinc.

  12. A woman was covered with ink
    After plying tattooists with drink.
    They worked in rotation
    Then signed their creation,
    On her left buttock, I think.

  13. Brandon says:

    A fellow was purchasing ink
    The coins in his pocket went *chink*
    He pulled out a dime
    but committed the crime
    when he ran without paying, the fink!

  14. Chris Papa says:

    As fellow would prenuptials ink,
    About married sex life he’d think,
    Thus cost of each stand,
    Would great costs demand,
    And so he withdrew at the brink.

  15. John Sardo says:

    A woman was trying to ink
    A deal to put her in pink
    The producer no sap
    Made her sit on his lap
    In return for he gave her a mink.

  16. John Sardo says:

    A fellow was hoping to ink
    A deal with a gal outta sync
    They lay on the floor
    Till she cried out “no more”
    “But I will have another mixed drink.”

  17. John Sardo says:

    A woman was trying to ink
    A deal with a real rat fink.
    She lay on the floor
    And he cried out “more, more”
    Then he signed with out even a blink.

  18. John Sardo says:

    A gal got a guy to ink
    A deal from which he would shrink.
    “You know I can please
    So no more will I tease.”
    Her wink got the ink before he could think.

  19. Pat Hatt says:

    A fellow with too much red ink
    Decided he needed pink
    What he got instead
    Was a green head
    Now he can’t even blink

  20. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman was hoping to ink
    Her memoir, with a laugh and a wink;
    With sexual exploits
    Both risqué and adroit
    And positions that must be in sync.

  21. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A fellow with too much red ink
    Was currently seeing a shrink
    Cos he liked to drink
    His ink from the sink
    So his piddle would turn a bright pink.

  22. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    The same guy with all this red ink
    Because of his deep seated kink
    Maddened his shrink
    When he’d piss in his sink
    To prove that his piddle was pink

  23. Mark Kane says:

    This one is inspired by a true story:

    When in love and considering ink
    On your buns after having a drink?
    Get his name on your ass?
    If you’re smart you’ll just pass,
    As you pause for a careful rethink.

    Now for the story. Madeleine and I were at one of our local bars this past Friday night and I bumped into the woman who washes my hair before I have my hair cut.

    Well we chatted a bit and then she proceeded to show us her her new Tat.

    It was way cute, a pair of scissors, inked in just behind her left hair and completely hidden unless she had her hair way up, or cut especially short.

    Madeleine proceeded to complement the woman on her Tat, but jokingly mentioned that she should be careful about inking in any lover’s name because hell, you just never know, right? How long a relationship might last.

    And with that a woman bared her lower lip and revealed a Tat on the inside of her lower lip which read S-T-E-V-E the name of her Ex, and we all had a good laugh.

    Fortunately she’s still great friends with her Ex so they can both still laugh about it.

    Well that’s what inspired this limerick.

  24. colonialist says:

    A fellow with too much red ink
    On editor had a re-think;
    His draft gave to one
    With more sense of fun -
    The blockbuster proved them in sync!

  25. Antonio Winspeare says:

    A fellow was using red ink
    When his girl shouted “you’re a real fink”!
    He used it as spray
    To her greatest dismay
    Without even the hint of a blink.

  26. Brandon says:

    Inspired by Mark’s…

    If you’re thinking of getting some ink
    walk in, and the artist does stink
    then you should beware
    he may not take care
    to wash his hands in the sink!

  27. yt cai says:

    A printer who ran out of ink
    Decided to put up a stink
    He quit graphic arts
    Began cutting farts
    By the ream with nary a blink

  28. Mark Kane says:

    A banker awash in red ink,
    Was depressed till he heard the bright “clink”,
    Of a martini glass,
    Then he thought, this will pass,
    As he ordered a second stiff drink.

  29. Mark Kane says:

    Some stars will act up for the ink,
    Shed clothing, and yell, “Save the Mink!”
    Wearing less gets them more
    News coverage to score,
    As they pose for the press, with a wink.

  30. yt cai says:

    The goalie who sported some ink
    Became a hit down at the rink
    fans would often ask
    if he’s donning a mask
    Or were they scars tattooed in pink?

  31. Kathleen Cole says:

    A woman was hoping to ink
    A memoir clad only in mink
    Her text became iffy,
    Went south in a jiffy,
    But, the coat’s not to blame for the stink.

  32. rbasler says:

    A woman with too much red ink
    Decided to mix up a drink
    “It’s from ‘Sex In The City’
    “But cripes, Is it shitty!
    “This Cosmo is worse than you’d think!”

  33. Andy Sewina says:

    A woman was trying to ink
    a love heart while all dressed in mink
    She wrote I love Fred
    then heard he was dead
    And ordered another stiff drink

  34. Tom Harris says:

    A guy who was purchasing ink
    Gave the buxom cashier a wink.
    “We’d make quite a pair,
    I’m a man with great flair.”
    “Great flair and the mind of a skink.”

  35. Sue Dulley says:

    In the ‘fifties young playwrights would ink
    Gritty plays that would raise a big stink.
    Uncensored, uncut,
    They had “everything but” -
    So the genre is called Kitchen Sink.

  36. Sue Dulley says:

    My printer has run out of ink
    (The turquoise and yellow and pink)
    And the black is low too
    So the cheap thing to do
    Is to buy a new printer, I think.

  37. kaykuala says:

    A fellow with too much red ink
    Trying hard to get a direct link
    To his accountant
    It was just blatant
    Never thought his accounts stink

    Hank

  38. Sue Dulley says:

    My fountain pen’s run out of ink,
    My VCR’s gone on the blink.
    I think one fine day
    I’ll just sail away
    And pray that my raft doesn’t sink.

  39. Sue Dulley says:

    Before I commit this to ink
    I’ll stop for a moment to think.
    Though Facebook has “Edit”,
    On Mad’s blog, you’ve said it.
    No chance to enhance, should it stink.

  40. Randy Mazie says:

    A fellow with too much red ink
    Added white, and then turned it pink.
    An inventive fellow,
    Adding blue then, and yellow,
    And now he’s back in the black – wow – ka-chink!
    ********************************************

    A fellow with too much red ink
    Threw up mucho in the kitchen sink.
    Spending all of his cash,
    he wound up in the trash,
    And now can’t afford a good shrink.
    *********************************************

    A fellow with too much red ink
    Added white, so then it’d turn pink.
    When asked: Why? His answer
    Was: It’s for breast cancer.
    I dye all the ribbons, he’d wink.

  41. Tom Harris says:

    A fellow was covered in ink,
    A bright red, just as you would think,
    Since his ex, Leeza,
    Stuck him with the VISA
    And ran to the arms of some fink.

  42. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A Romanian with too much red ink
    Tried mixing some into his drink
    He became very tipsy
    And assaulted a Gypsy
    Now he’s doing some time in the clink

  43. Mark Kane says:

    Once just bikers and freaks got the ink.
    Now its common, at least that’s what I think.
    When young girls by the dozens,
    Get their “Tats” with their cousins,
    Say good bye to this time honored kink.

  44. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    An Alcoholic with too much red ink
    One day found he’d nothing to drink
    So the ink he did swill
    When asked, “Are you OK Bill?”
    His reply was, “I’m right in the pink.”

  45. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A fellow with too much red ink
    Thought, “I’ll drain some off down the sink
    But it gushed out too quick
    Flooding room to his dick
    And dyeing the family jewels pink.

  46. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A fellow with too much red ink
    Tried to get rid of some down the sink
    But it blocked up the sewer
    Made the air most impure
    And caused an unholy stink

  47. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A voyeur with too much red ink
    Used it to invent a new drink
    Mixed it with Brandy
    Which made him so randy
    He shagged himself right into clink.

  48. DO TELL, MR. BOEHNER

    The octopus uses its ink;
    The skunk, its incredible stink.
    But when *I’m* threatened, I
    Soil my trousers and cry –
    And it works twice as well as you’d think.

  49. Bob Dvorak says:

    A Congressman garnered much ink
    For driving with too much to drink.
    Despite hyped-up yammer
    Resisting the slammer,
    The judge sent him off to the clink.

  50. yt cai says:

    A giant squid was fresh out of ink
    Got angry and spit into the drink
    said ‘here’s mud in your eye’
    something went quite awry
    The Black Sea appeared with a wink

  51. I’m changing my name to “Will, Inc.”
    As a corporate person, I think
    I can do as I please:
    Pay no taxes or fees,
    And take dumps in the water you drink.

  52. Fred Bortz says:

    A limerick written in ink
    Requires the writer to think.
    If instead, he just scribbles
    There’s bound to be quibbles:
    Both meter and rhyming will stink.

  53. An ice skater purchased some ink
    Mistakenly took a long drink
    He spit with a spurt
    All over his shirt
    And began a new style at the rink

  54. Stephen Fleming says:

    A fellow was trying to ink
    A five line poem I think.
    He stopped quite short
    When he could not retort
    Too astutely, his rhymes out of sync.

  55. JulesPaige says:

    Tough Times?

    A fellow with too much red ink
    Knew his business would soon sink
    Needed to change his menu
    Got a Navy cook with a tattoo
    Serving S.O.S. night and day made ‘im rethink…

    That it might be better give up
    Than to continually sup
    On the same thing all the time
    Even if folks are waiting in line…
    So he thought, crying in his tea cup

    He really wanted to make the scene
    With delightful French cuisine
    Escargot, fine wines and petit fours
    Gilded gold accents on the doors
    At least his bank account was no longer lean.

    ©JP/davh

  56. Tim James says:

    The GOP gets lots of ink
    As they try with great effort to link
    The prez to a scandal
    (A job they can’t handle).
    Who’s running this crew? Colonel Klink?

  57. When their child spilled indelible ink
    On his wife’s best fur coat, her white mink,
    His first thought was, “Oh, brother!
    She will shop, buy another.
    New bank balance: red ink in a blink!”

  58. brian miller says:

    a fellow with too much red ink
    had an editor who was really a fink
    again he’d re-write
    stay up all night
    this writing thing really did stink

    haha

  59. A man with too much red ink
    went down to the store in a sink
    He glided on in
    and red as sin
    he said I am thinking I stink

  60. Fred Bortz says:

    The octopus squirted its ink
    And disappeared into the drink.
    The predator’s wish
    For a cuttlefish dish
    Was foiled as quick as a wink.

  61. yt cai says:

    In Id it’s a crime to own ink
    Leading Bung to partake in drink
    The Lone Harangur
    Met royal hanger
    When in print said the King is a fink!

  62. siggiofmaine says:

    I read this for dVerse…and love it. I am still having my own problems with writing limericks, but enjoy yours and the posts here.
    Thank you for much joy in reading,
    Peace
    Siggi

  63. A fellow with two much red ink,
    found his comments had faded to pink.
    The paper’s he graded,
    were all over-rated.
    His patience was pushed to the brink.
    (I give myself a B-)

  64. Dean says:

    Instead of using the ink
    from my favorite pen, now I think
    I’ll use Google Drive
    To keep poems alive.
    It saves them all, quick as a wink!

  65. RD says:

    a fellow was purchasing ink
    to dispose of thoughts he did think
    to most he was a joke
    and feared he may go broke
    but it was cheaper than paying a shrink

    thank you K…a little levity DOES go a long way

  66. foam says:

    A woman with too much red ink
    across her bare rumpus distinct
    was found jogging outside
    showing off her bare hide
    Inked hiney read: Bite me, you fink.

    ***
    A woman with too much red ink
    Tattooed on her rumpus distinct
    Pumped them with a wiggle
    A squiggle, a jiggle
    Which made most men come in a blink.

  67. foam says:

    Oops, there’s supposed to be a space between those two.

    Note from Mad Kane: I fixed it for you.

  68. foam says:

    A woman who wanted to think
    About limerick rhymes in ink
    Had help from her cat
    Who sat down with a splat
    And occupied ipad in a blink…

    (True story)

  69. Rafael says:

    A woman flowing red ink
    Found a vampire to lap at her pink
    With coochie quite hoochie
    He gave her French’d smoochie
    Bloodied Mary his most favorite drink

    A fellow who fell in red ink
    Was wracking his brain just to think
    He begged me, “Prey tell!”
    “What can I sell?”
    “Still keeping my sink…and my shrink!”

    A fellow tattooed in black ink
    Was lacking in color, I think
    Proving my blunder
    He shows his down under
    As rainbows burst from his stink

  70. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    Writing this from my store of red ink
    Cos I’ve lost my Blue Biro I think!
    I just can’t be sure
    Now I’ve turned 84
    If with Alzheimer’s I’m on the brink

  71. Sue Dulley says:

    A cartridge who can’t release ink
    Says “Help bring me back from the brink!
    I’ve not been used daily,
    My nozzles are scaly,
    Please give me a bath in the sink.”

    (Apparently this works, or so I’m told)

  72. Diane Groothuis says:

    A woman with too much red ink
    Gave her pussy a colourful drink
    A girl who’d do that
    To a poor little cat
    Must surely I’d say have a kink

  73. Kirk Miller says:

    An agent was trying to ink
    Cartoon character; said, “I do think
    That you probably knew
    To sign Pepe Le Pew
    Would, of course, raise a really big stink.

  74. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A poultry man with too much red ink
    Used it to paint his cock pink
    When the hens saw their rooster
    Didn’t look like he used ter
    His love life went right down the sink.

  75. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    An Alcoholic with too much red ink
    Died trying it out as a drink
    They said at the Mortuary
    Due to his debauchery
    His old feller had turned vivid pink.

  76. Johanna Richmond says:

    What I’ve learned: Better get it in ink
    When your coworker gives you the wink,
    And says he will cover
    Your tryst with your lover –
    Nine times out of ten, he’s a fink.

  77. Johanna Richmond says:

    There once was a substance called ink
    Connecting all people who think.
    A keyboard will never
    In any way sever
    My bond with that non-hyper link.

  78. Johanna Richmond says:

    There’s something so earthy in ink;
    Like water, without it we’d sink.
    “As in drowning in sand?”
    Her snide editor panned.
    (I’ll be back when I work out that kink.)

  79. Johanna Richmond says:

    By now, if you’re reading my ink,
    You’re thinking, “this gal needs a shrink.”
    But no need to cure me –
    The voices assure me
    My grey matter’s still in the pink!

  80. Johanna Richmond says:

    Republicans like to get ink.
    Their favorite way? Make a stink.
    But the louder they yell
    The more fear we can smell:
    That ole rinky-dink ship gonna sink.

  81. Johanna Richmond says:

    I devoted today’s bit of ink
    To that well-endowed, trash-tweeting fink
    Who, OK, likes to sext,
    But maintains he’s the next
    Mayor Koch (squeeze an “r” in, wink, wink).

  82. Ailsa McKillop says:

    I take up pen, paper and ink
    (well, keyboard) — our Sue made me think
    The would-be star, in despair
    Thought his name was so square
    And with showbiz pizzazz out of sync!

    However, we can’t lay the blame
    On Gerry for his change of name
    I point out, for veracity
    His was not the audacity
    To make such a bold bid for fame

    Gordon Mills, who then managed the singer
    (And Mills was a total humdinger!)
    Helped his kids one night settle
    With Hansel & Gretel
    While thinking of Gerry, pop swinger

    It occurred to the man in a blink
    That from story to op’ra the link
    Was composer German
    Whose name wasn’t Herman!
    But Engelbert — (Prof. Humperdinck)

    The agent then yelled out “Whoopee!”
    Acted fast to no common degree
    He at once, if not sooner
    Rang the struggling crooner
    And “Guess your new name!” said, with glee

    Our German friends — tubs they did thump!
    Thought this re-brand the act of a chump!
    They raised Sturm und Drang
    With Teutonic harangue
    It’s fair to say they’d got the “Hump”!

    This was not Gordon Mills’s sole crime
    Ray O’Sullivan’s name changed quick time
    So when I tell a man
    I’m a G&S fan
    “Oh yes,” he’ll say, “Clair was sublime!”

  83. Mark Kane says:

    I shudder at men who use ink,
    They risk ruin and live on the brink.
    Placing all fears aside,
    And with dangers denied,
    They do crosswords. Why what did you think?

  84. Carolyn Henly says:

    Since Tim James brought up another oldie but goodie, I thought we should have a limerick homage:

    For Hogan invisible ink
    Was the best way to fool Colonel Klink.
    Herr Klink was suspicious
    LeBeau meritricious
    And Shultzy of course knew nuffink!

  85. sisterAE says:

    The scribe was all covered in ink
    and his eyes looked a little too pink.
    He said, “It’s a phase,
    I have been up for days!
    I am going to sleep now, I think.”

  86. Carolyn Henly says:

    The owner of Zany Pets, Inc.
    Drove all of her neighbors to drink.
    When they came to complain
    ‘Bout the skunk in the lane,
    They ended up raising a skink.

    The owner of Zany Pets, Inc.
    Knocked over her pot of red ink.
    When she cleaned up the mess,
    As I’m sure you can guess,
    It’s not just the pigs who were pink.

    The owner of Zany Pets, Inc.
    Having turned all her animals pink,
    Had to dye the birds blue,
    Give the cow to the zoo,
    And take the pink mink to the shrink.

  87. Johanna Richmond says:

    Farewell to the rhyming word “ink.”
    At midnight, with spirits in sync,
    By some dark force propelled,
    Our collective breath held,
    We will meet up at sanity’s brink.

    And we’ll say, “That’s a fine lot of ink”
    Or “Those inklings grow up in a wink.”
    Then clutching our word,
    More faintly: “That turd,
    Number one, thinks his shit doesn’t stink.”

  88. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners:
    Limerick of the Week 115.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Ills.

  89. Charley Simmons says:

    A fellow who stole some red ink
    By the case down an alley did shrink.
    But, some bottles were leaking
    And he couldn’t help shrieking
    Caught red handed he sits in the clink.