Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: Poor or Pour or Pore at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using Poor or Pour or Pore at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to GRASS, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best grass-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on August 21, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, August 20, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A barber was itching to score
Some tickets for Hair — needed four.
’Twas a popular show,
So a likely no-go;
Scalpers rendered his purchase odds poor.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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68 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: Poor or Pour or Pore at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5”

  1. Marty Gerendasy says:

    A long time ago in days of yore
    Lived a gentleman who was quite poor.
    But he found him some vice
    At a reas’nable price,
    So kept coming back for some more!

  2. Marty Gerendasy says:

    There once lived a lovely young lass
    Who was fond of a roll in the grass.
    She would “play” on the lawn
    From late night until dawn.
    And when finished, she’d go straight to Mass.

  3. Fred Bortz says:

    “George Bush (forty-one), you’re so poor
    That the voters should show you the door.
    Silver foot in your mouth,”
    Teased that gal from the South.
    Soon he wasn’t the Prez anymore.

    (This refers to a famous line from Ann Richards in her keynote for the 1988 Democratic National Convention, but I am placing it in 1992 using poetic and historical license.)

  4. Kathleen Bartoletti says:

    With charm oozing from every pore
    Of his body, the hunk tried to score;
    Just imagine his shock
    When she threw up a block
    That landed him flat on the floor.

  5. Brian Allgar says:

    The new, new Colossus is YUGE

    Yeah, give me your tired, your poor,
    And I’ll soon have ’em quitting our shore.
    If you’ve been tempest-tost
    And you’re homeless, get lost!
    For you, there’ll be no golden door.

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    He was hoping for sex in the grass
    With the queen of the sophomore class.
    But that lovely young chick
    Complained “Oh! A small prick!”
    She’d been bitten by ants in the ass.

  7. Brian Allgar says:

    (A couple of old ones)

    He crashed when attempting to pass
    A police car. Amid fragments of glass,
    He was tested for drugs.
    Said the sergeant with shrugs,
    “Sir, when driving, please keep off the grass.”


    “Can anything really surpass
    A donkey for eating the grass?”
    Asked the farmer with pride.
    “No, it can’t be denied
    That my donkey’s a fine piece of ass.”

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    Her grades were excessively poor,
    So she knocked on her teacher’s front door.
    “Can you help with my grade?”
    An arrangement was made;
    Now they’re both very happy to score.

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    (Poor + grass)

    The grass that he smoked was quite poor,
    And it left his throat painfully raw.
    That’s because it was not
    Marijuana or pot,
    But the grass from the lawn by his door.

  10. Brian Allgar says:

    Though the bimbo was not at all poor,
    It amused her to work as a whore.
    But she got a surprise,
    Having told all the guys:
    “When you visit me, use the back door.”

  11. Brian Allgar says:

    The voter would endlessly pore
    Over photos. “Now, who to vote for?
    That Melania Trump
    Has a very fine rump,
    But her husband’s a nutcase, for sure.”

  12. Kirk Miller says:

    “Incorrigible!” wife oft will roar,
    When out from my mouth puns will pour.
    So she says to my sons,
    “Please don’t laugh at Dad’s puns.
    It just will incorrige him more.”

  13. Kirk Miller says:

    Any yard work, to me, is not play.
    To my wife words of praise I did say:
    “When you’re out cutting grass,
    You’re my favorite lass,
    And I lawn for you mower each day.”

  14. Kirk Miller says:

    If the turf on your lawn dies, don’t fret.
    Simply go to a sod farm. I’ll bet
    They will have what you need.
    You don’t have to plant seed.
    Instant grassification you’ll get.

  15. Kirk Miller says:

    I’ll explain a new word with brevity,
    And I hope it contains some levity.
    Do not ask just how long
    Grass will live; that is wrong.
    You should ask about its lawngevity.

  16. Kirk Miller says:

    All the grass inside prison’s border
    Has been carefully grown. The warder
    Wants the grass to look nice
    At whatever the price.
    He’s an advocate for lawn order.

  17. Judith Block says:

    Another strong whiskey, please pour,
    Our Country- don’t know what’s in store!
    I’m scared and I worry,
    So barkeep, please hurry–
    Though drunk, I do want an encore!

  18. Judith Block says:

    Reeking sexiness from every pore,
    She stroked him and purred, “Mon amour!”
    With her ample skills
    She gave sultry thrills,
    He lay grinning, passed out on the floor.

  19. Marty Gerendasy says:

    A reminiscence:

    Some good Maui grass brings thrills galore,
    But my stash is gone and I want more!
    It’s so hard to afford
    So I must learn to hoard,
    Or I’ll wind up eternally poor!

  20. Judith Block says:

    Trump’s concept of governing’s poor,
    He’s a bully and crackpot for sure.
    I feel for our Nation,
    A sick situation
    That only the voters can cure.

  21. Jesse Levy says:

    And the Lord said, it shall pass
    That the Earth will be covered with grass
    But after he bespoke it
    He didn’t know they’d smoke it
    Oy, my creation’s a pain in the ass.

  22. Brian Allgar says:

    There are two things they tell us are sure:
    Death and taxes. Though death is a bore,
    We are promised – amen! –
    Heaven’s riches. Till then,
    It’s the taxes that keep us all poor.

  23. Brian Allgar says:

    Undercover, he worked as a “grass”
    Till the Mafia caught the smartass.
    They boiled him in acid,
    And life became placid –
    What’s left of him fits in a glass.

  24. Kirk Miller says:

    An arrogant groundskeeper, Saul,
    Thinks cutting the lawn is a ball.
    Since he likes to cut grass,
    Many lawns he’ll amass.
    The guy is a real mow-it-all.

  25. Kathleen Bartoletti says:

    Said the billionaire, “Who is that poor
    Devil standing outside of our door?”
    Said his wife, “I don’t care,
    Just pretend he’s not there;
    Millionaires we can safely ignore.”

  26. Fred Bortz says:

    On the subject of grass:

    Although Greta Garbo is gone,
    Her notable phrases live on.
    Her privacy needs
    Are now slogans for seeds.
    They declare that they “vahnt to be lawn.”

  27. Brian Allgar says:

    Poe signs the pledge

    To drown all his sorrows, he’d pour
    Endless whiskies, and mourn his Lenore.
    But the night that he heard
    An imaginary bird,
    He swore off the booze. “Nevermore!”

  28. Brian Allgar says:

    If you’re visiting old Singapore,
    There’s a splendid hotel you’ll adore,
    The colonial ‘Raffles’.
    But ‘Room Service’ baffles –
    “Extra pillow?” They’ll send you a whore.

    (Disclaimer: although I have heard that ‘extra pillow’ is a well-known code-word in many hotels, to the best of my knowledge ‘Raffles’ is not one of them. I spent one night there, and can confirm that it is indeed splendid – at least, it was in 1994.)

  29. Grzegorz Gigol says:

    There was a young fellow named Bass,
    who was smoking a whole lot of grass.
    Said his priest, who had seen it,
    “Don’t do it, I mean it!
    Not here in the church, during Mass!”

  30. Sue Dulley says:

    Olympics are running once more;
    Canadians’ teardrops may pour.
    When a medal’s just missed
    “It’s all good” we’ll insist,
    And we’ll proudly claim: “We’re Number Four!”

  31. Kathleen Bartoletti says:

    He went to the casino to score
    Some big bucks; lost his shirt, now he’s poor
    And stark naked too
    Shiv’ring there in the loo
    Since they won’t let him back on the floor.

  32. cphenly says:

    This election year’s not such a gas.
    The Republican guy is an ass.
    Alas, he’s not Bottom;
    No, no Shakespeare wrought him:
    The chump who thunk “Trump!” smoked some grass.

  33. Judith Block says:

    The splendor of sex on the grass!
    He imagined her smile and tight ass,
    She would suck on his cock,
    He’d get hard as a rock.
    It was nothing but daydreams, alas.

  34. Jeanine Silverio says:

    Gods and monsters and myths and folklore
    Filled the tomes over which she did pore.
    Leda’s swan using force?
    A half man and half horse?
    “Omigosh,” she confessed, “Must read more!”

  35. Jeanine Silverio says:

    Here’s a toast that makes some raise their glass
    Spake Doc H: “In vino, veritas.” *
    I’d rather be tongue-tied
    With munches and tie-dyed.
    Here’s MY doctor’s scrip: it’s for grass.

    *a Latin phrase that means “in wine, truth”, suggesting a person under the influence of alcohol is more likely to speak their hidden thoughts and desires.

  36. Brian Allgar says:

    Press Conference

    “Yeah, you’re sweatin’ like me from each pore
    At the thought of the judges in store.
    But ya know what?” [He grins.]
    “If that Crooked Hill wins,
    Well, that’s just what the Second is for.”

  37. Fred Bortz says:

    Amendment nineteen folks will roar,
    Making Donald J. Trump’s chances poor.
    He’s a bully-boy fraud
    So the women, by God,
    Will show him the way to the door.

  38. Tim James says:

    “The Elizabethan’s Lament”

    Forsooth! ‘Tis a place in the grass
    Fit for carnal acts, tender or crass.
    But alas and alack!
    One thing holdeth me back:
    The part that I lack is a lass.

  39. Diane Groothuis says:

    I think it is terribly poor
    That our Census count fell on the floor
    And our good old PM
    Has blamed IBM
    Like that mouse who was trying to roar.

    (Australia’s iconic Census debacle 2016)

  40. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Just one look at his buxom housecleaner
    He knew that the grass was mush greener
    On the side of the fence
    Where bein’ single’s intense
    Well, that doesn’t help stifle his wiener.

  41. Kathleen Bartoletti says:

    An amorous laddie and lass
    Lay down for a roll in the grass;
    Along came a mower
    And mowed them both over;
    They both lost a fine piece of ass.

  42. Kathleen Bartoletti says:

    “Keep off the grass!” the sign said.
    “Like hell I will!” mumbled Fred;
    Inhaling a toke
    He started to choke
    And two minutes later was dead.

  43. Kathleen Bartoletti says:

    Cried out nearsighted Alma, “Alas,”
    I’ve lost my contact lens in the grass!
    If that lens I don’t find
    I’ll be totally blind
    And my driving test I’ll never pass!”

  44. Kathleen Bartoletti says:

    Hi, Mad! Would you please correct a typo? In my first entry on Aug 7, the first word of the second line should be “Of” not “On.” (…every pore/ of his body…) Thanks.

    From MBK: Fixed.

  45. In bed you’re a terrible bore
    She said as she showed him the door
    Please leave me at once
    You despicable dunce
    or I’ll donate your clothes to the poor

  46. Judith Block says:

    Smoked grass in a cool corn cob pipe;
    Long hair, short skirts, she was that type.
    Peace button, soft touch,
    Desired so much;
    Come hither lips, tempting and ripe!

  47. Ken Gosse says:

    The Wherewithal Call ~
    A wee draft of ale may cure
    Many ailments we oft endure.
    Generosity calls
    Those who have wherewithals,
    To pour a bit more for us poor.

  48. Ken Gosse says:

    A Short Roll on a Grassy Knoll ~

    A doughnut, fresh-cooked, lost its hole,
    When it fell out and started to roll
    ‘cross the bakery floor
    and then out the front door,
    ‘til it stopped on a short grassy knoll,

    Where it witnessed a story of crime
    And held evidence for a long time,
    but the sugar was picked off,
    And fingerprints licked off,
    Until it was mute as a mime,

    Then placed in an evidence box,
    Which was put in a cage with six locks.
    Tucked away, deep inside
    It became petrified
    And as verbal as other pet rocks.

    But someday, an arch’ologist,
    Will dig deep in the dirt, mud and mist.
    That rock he’ll uncover,
    Is where they’ll discover
    Some evidence that we’ve all we missed.

  49. Ken Gosse says:

    Slow Mow ~
    There once was a man with a mower,
    Who kept pushing it slower and slower,
    ‘Til the grass got so deep
    That he fell fast asleep
    Until found by the scythe of the Sower.

  50. Val Fish says:

    If I win the lottery, for sure
    I’d like to donate to the poor
    My folks, though not needy
    (They’re just downright greedy)
    Will be queuing up at my door

  51. Ken Gosse says:

    Wonders of the Aged ~
    My hair isn’t black any more,
    And the young folks all call me a bore,
    ‘cause the wisdom I ate
    All has gone to my pate
    Where gray matter seeps out every pore.

  52. Ken Gosse says:

    Let it Flow, Let it Flow, Let it Flow ~
    The vintner had bad wine galore,
    So he poured it all out on the floor.
    But his brother-in-law
    Laid his wide-open maw
    On the spot on the floor where he’d pour.

  53. A guy who ate garlics by the scores,
    Exuded it out through his pores.
    The neighbours would talk,
    Saying, when he went for a walk
    The paint would peel off of their doors.

  54. Mark Kane says:

    A stripper turned whore, by the shore,
    Was ending each night sore and poor.
    So she raised all her rates,
    For each of her dates,
    Now pulling in more from each score.

  55. Diane Groothuis says:

    “I’m trying not to be a bore”
    She said to her man “but you snore”
    “Please gimme a break
    You keep me awake
    And you’re running me down to dog poor”

  56. Tim James says:

    He tried to engage in amour,
    But his sense of direction was poor.
    When he started to pound
    He got all turned around.
    So his entry was by the back door.

    This fellow whose aim was so poor
    Was the Thunder God known in Norse lore.
    And the lady? A wisp
    With a cute little lisp.
    Now thith gal, like her partner, ith Thor.

  57. Barry Solomons says:

    As someone you would often ignore
    His confidence was known to be poor,
    But his wife privately concedes
    For all her sexual needs
    He had always been really cocksure.


    A horse trader in Boston, Mass.
    Used his livestock for smuggling grass,
    For large packets as a rule
    He hid inside a donkey or a mule,
    But the small tabs he’d shove up his ass.

  58. Grzegorz Gigol says:

    A young physicist lived in Lahore,
    who became unbelievably poor.
    In his quest for the datum
    he saved every atom
    and some he was splitting in four.

  59. Tim James says:

    I’m a homeowner. Cutting the grass
    Is a chore that’s a pain in the ass.
    Says my wife, who’s the boss,
    “Tear it out! Put in moss!
    It’s still green; from the street it’ll pass!”

  60. Says the Bible, “All flesh is as grass.”
    I think of my burgeoning ass:
    My acreage needs
    To be cleared of its weeds…
    But I’ve no one to mow it — alas!

  61. What a day to be wed at the shore!
    Bright sun, and the ocean’s low roar!
    There I stood, all deluxe
    In my nice rental tux —
    And that’s when it started to pour.

  62. If you spend too much time at your desk, you
    Need a hobby to come to your rescue.
    Think how long you will spend
    On your flaccid rear end
    Once they’ve planted you under the fescue!

  63. Suzanne Heymann says:

    My neighbor needs lessons in ‘class’
    Makes no effort to cut his tall grass
    He’s missing some shingles
    Some look like chewed Pringles
    His windows are dirty cracked glass.

    His dog barks all day like an ass
    With its poop piling up in a mass
    The weeds make me sneeze
    Every time there’s a breeze
    With a rusty car’s faint smell of gas.

    I wish I could tell him he’s crass
    But he’ll say that I’m out to harass
    I throw stones with a jerk
    And the rats go berserk
    Who knows what else may lurk in the grass?

  64. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Oh, I just love a manicured lawn
    For my tootsies, for prancing upon
    Through this carpet I stride
    Where my toes love to hide
    But if a spider’s inside, then I’m gone!

  65. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Sweatshop products in many a store
    Really piss me off right to the core
    As young as age five
    Unpaid, barely alive
    Sweat does pour from each pore of the poor.

    If you google “7 Countries With Horrific Sweatshop Situations,” you’ll see the practice is worse than you thought. Yeesh!

  66. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Folks say, “happiness money can’t buy”
    Well, “happy and poor” just won’t fly
    If you can’t make ends meet
    Tell me, what is so sweet
    About life on the street till you die.

    You don’t want to beg, borrow or steal
    Just to pay for your very next meal
    We know money’s not evil
    That concept’s medieval
    It’s life that’s the shadiest deal.

  67. Suzanne Heymann says:

    What the hell is so good about war?
    The civilians die or get poor
    To prevent all this doom
    I say, get a big room
    For the world’s politicians, and more.

    Give them each a bat, then lock the door
    Tell them, “Now you can settle the score!”
    Oh, can’t you just picture
    How happier, how richer
    Would life be on every shore?!

  68. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to our Limerick-Off Award Winner, the Grass-Themed Limerick Winner, and to the Honorable Mention winners: Limerick-Off Award 259.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Sack.