Limerick-Off Award (259)
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for his “Poe Signs The Pledge” limerick:
To drown all his sorrows, he’d pour
Endless whiskies, and mourn his Lenore.
But the night that he heard
A chimerical bird,
He swore off the booze. “Nevermore!”
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special GRASS-Themed Limerick Award for his “Elizabethan’s Lament” limerick:
Forsooth! ’Tis a place in the grass
Fit for carnal acts, tender or crass.
But alas and alack!
One thing holdeth me back:
The part that I lack is a lass.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sue Dulley, Will T. Laughlin, Charley Simmons, Ken Gosse, Brian Allgar, Fred Bortz, Tim James, and Marty Gerendasy. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (““POOR/POUR/PORE” RHYME DIVISION)
It’s Summer Olympics once more;
Canadians’ teardrops will pour.
But when medals are missed
“That’s okay,” we’ll insist,
And proudly claim: “We’re Number Four!”
Will T. Laughlin:
What a day to be wed at the shore!
Bright sun, and the ocean’s low roar!
There I stood, all deluxe
In my nice rental tux –
And that’s when it started to pour.
“In bed you’re a terrible bore,”
She said, as she showed him the door.
“Please leave me at once
You despicable dunce,
Or I’ll donate your clothes to the poor.”
The vintner had bad wine galore,
So he poured it all out on the floor.
But his brother-in-law
Laid his wide-open maw
On the spot on the floor where he’d pour.
Her grades were excessively poor,
So she knocked on her teacher’s front door.
“Can you help with my grade?”
An arrangement was made;
Now they’re both very happy to score.
Amendment nineteen folks will roar,
Making Donald J. Trump’s chances poor.
He’s a bully-boy fraud
So the women, by God,
Will show him the way to the door.
He tried to engage in amour,
But his sense of direction was poor.
When he started to pound
He got all turned around.
So his entry was by the back door.
This fellow whose aim was so poor
Was the Thunder God known in Norse lore.
And the lady? A wisp
With a cute little lisp.
Now thith gal, like her partner, ith Thor.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (GRASS-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)
Will T. Laughlin:
If you spend too much time at your desk, you
Need a hobby to come to your rescue.
Think how long you will spend
On your flaccid rear end
Once they’ve planted you under the fescue!
There once lived a lovely young lass
Who was fond of a roll in the grass.
She would “play” on the lawn
From late night until dawn.
And when finished, she’d go straight to Mass.
I’m a homeowner. Cutting the grass
Is a chore that’s a pain in the ass.
Says my wife, who’s the boss,
“Tear it out! Put in moss!
It’s still green; from the street it’ll pass!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
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