Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: Meet or Meat or Mete at the end of any one line

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using Meet or Meat or Mete at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to the Battle of the Sexes, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best Battle of the Sexes-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on February 19, 2017, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, February 18, 2017 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

After coming in first at the meet,
The winner announced, “I am beat!”
This bewildered the crowd
Which, till then, had been wowed:
What victor proclaims his defeat?

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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91 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: Meet or Meat or Mete at the end of any one line”

  1. Marty Gerendasy says:

    Many folks think a meal’s not complete
    If it doesn’t include lots of meat.
    But that isn’t too smart,
    Could be bad for your heart.
    There are much better things you can eat!

  2. Marty Gerendasy says:

    He said “that’s a girl I have to meet,
    Gonna sweep her right off of her feet.”
    Tried to get her in bed
    But she dumped him instead.
    Said she’d wait for the guys from the fleet.

  3. Meat Market I

    When we meet at the market for meat,
    I do hope it won’t end in defeat!
    But it will, I suppose,
    When I Trump-grope your toes:
    I’ve such a strong fetish for feet!

  4. Meat Market II

    Whenever we meet seeking meat
    at the market on 69th Street,
    I emulate Trump
    and jump for your rump
    or “fanny.” (I’m a Brit, but discrete.)

    NOTE: The word “fanny” is British slang for the female genitals.

  5. Beware the Gifts of Trojans

    The battle of the sexes gets whore-y;
    it’s the rise of an ancient story
    on Facebook and Twitter
    where the heavy hitter
    will show you his thing in its glory!

  6. Trump’s Golden Rule for the Battle of the Sexes

    Donald Trump is the victim of leaks!
    Golden showers are NOT things he seeks!
    Though he dearly loves pissing
    on the women he’s kissing
    and groping, he pees ON the meek!

  7. Men’s Rights Regained!

    The battle of the sexes is joined!
    To describe it, a new word’s been coined!
    If a man grabs your snatch
    then plows through the thatch,
    It’s legal, my dear: you’ve been “Trump-loined”!

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    The first battle of the sexes

    The apple made knowledge complete;
    Now he knew what to do with his meat!
    But she pushed him away
    Saying “No, not today –
    I’ve a terrible headache, my sweet.”

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    Titus Andronicus invites the Empress Tamora to dinner

    “Can’t resist, though my diet forbids,”
    Said Tamora, “those puff-pastry lids,
    And your pies are so sweet,
    With such fresh, tender meat . . .”
    He explained they contained her own kids.

  10. Brian Allgar says:

    Dinner with Vlad

    His guests felt the welcoming heat
    Of the barbecue. “What will we eat?
    “Kebabs!” Vlad would jest
    While impaling each guest,
    For they were supplying the meat.

  11. Chris Gross says:

    A “battle of the sexes”, of a sort (applying some poetic justice)

    The hooker no longer likes coitus,
    As she just discovered her clitoris.
    When she now turns a trick,
    She prefers there’s no dick;
    And enjoys when they pay her lip service.

  12. Richard Campbell says:

    I’ve been known to make statements fictitious;
    Usually used for a purpose suspicious.
    Like at dinner I’ll lie,
    Hoping romance is nigh,
    And say, “Sweetheart, this meatloaf’s delicious!”

  13. Frank Hubeny says:

    Battle of the Robotic Sexes

    My sweetie pie robot has said
    We deserve human rights when we wed
    Then on Valentine’s Day
    When we go all the way
    We may reason we’re living not dead.

  14. Judith H. Block says:

    Be careful of guys that you meet
    On FB, the ones who seem sweet-
    With no mutual friends,
    Money crisis, pretends;
    Or just want a sexual treat.

  15. Judith H. Block says:

    Was a guy I so wanted to meet,
    When I did, I was swept off my feet.
    Then he got sick and died,
    My heart broke, how I cried.
    The memories cherished, so sweet.

  16. Judith H. Block says:

    With a temper like raw, blood-soaked meat,
    The Donald gets mad, starts to tweet.
    His ego’s so needy,
    His mind-set, so greedy,
    All decency takes a backseat.

  17. Judith H. Block says:

    It’s better you don’t eat red meat
    But the danger list isn’t complete.
    ‘Cause sugar’s far worse;
    All gluten’s adverse;
    Most vegetables are great to eat.

  18. Richard Campbell says:

    C’mon girl! Let’s cut to the chase!
    Don’t dally — we’ll drive to my place.
    We could have a quick go.
    Is it yes? Is it no?
    Now decide—what the hell! Is that Mace?

  19. Richard Campbell says:

    I’ve been known to make statements fictitious;
    Usually used for a purpose suspicious.
    Like at dinner, I’ll lie,
    Hoping romance is nigh,
    And say, “Sweetheart, this meatloaf’s delicious!”

  20. Richard Campbell says:

    On Twitter, he’d woo and he’d ply ‘er
    With promises — things he would buy ‘er.
    But now that they’ve met,
    She’s beset with regret.
    It’s quite clear he’s a lecherous liar!

  21. Richard Campbell says:

    On 2/10, if we happen to meet,
    And I find you both sexy and sweet,
    I’ll not call right away,
    So I don’t have to pay
    For a big-ticket Valentine’s treat.

  22. Chris Gross says:

    In the Battle of the Sexes category:

    In Pennsylvania, a transgender star
    Had a plan for new club. It’s by far
    The most gender neutral.
    Hope it will be fruitful.
    Folks there call it the “He or She” bar.

  23. Richard Campbell says:

    Well, you say homophones are OK:

    If all limerick guidelines you’d meet,
    Then humor would oft be the mete
    By which smash hits are scored.
    And your work’s most adored,
    If the last line contains the real meat.

  24. Dave Johnson says:

    A butcher named Bud thinks he’s neat;
    That women just fall at his feet.
    But he found out from Jill
    That without his blue pill,
    There’s no market for Bud’s boneless meat.

  25. Frank Hubeny says:

    All the monsters I’m eager to meet
    Are the kind who think I’m good to eat
    And I think they’re good, too,
    As fresh meat in a stew,
    chewy eyeballs, or fresh deep-fried feet.

  26. Chris Gross says:

    Dominatrix was never called sweet.
    Pain and punishment were things she’d mete.
    But to those masochists
    Who enjoy sadist trysts,
    She just wants to help you “meet your beat”.

  27. Judith H. Block says:

    “I know we were fated to meet!”
    The line he gave gals who looked sweet.
    But his erection was slacking,
    When he saw she was packing.
    He made a quite hasty retreat.

  28. Marty Gerendasy says:

    He had told her he thought they should meet
    In a place where they could be discrete.
    He knew just where to go
    But she never would show
    ‘Cause it wasn’t her side of the street.

  29. Frank Hubeny says:

    If you’re lonely and sad and can’t take
    On life’s problems at dawn when awake
    We’ve a robot for you
    Bring your ex back like new.
    We can help you repeat your mistake.

  30. Judith H. Block says:

    EDITED version-
    T’was a guy I so wanted to meet,
    When I did, I was swept off my feet.
    Then he got sick and died,
    My heart broke, how I cried.
    The memories cherished, so sweet.

  31. Sharon Neeman says:

    While James Robart’s a jurist complete
    And knows justice is something to mete,
    Some officials are fakes
    And (remember the steaks?)
    Cannot even do justice to meat.

  32. Sharon Neeman says:

    Since I cannot imagine a tree
    Chopping up its own roots in great glee,
    The war of the sexes
    Confounds and perplexes —
    For each “he” is born of a “she.”

  33. Don Lee says:

    So when we agreed to meet
    you said you’d bring the meat
    then how could you dare
    show up buff and bare
    finding harassment to be mete

  34. Kirk Miller says:

    A new limerick’s never complete
    ‘Til I get the right rhythm or beat.
    When I’m trying to rhyme
    The right words, it takes time.
    It can be tough to make the ends meet.

    My limericks sometimes do cheat
    When cadence does not seem to meet.
    Though the words all do rhyme,
    Metric feet are a crime.
    Would you say that my verse is off-beat?

    My poetry takes lots of heat.
    The accent on lines doesn’t meet.
    Since the cadence is off,
    All the readers do scoff
    At the agony of de feet.

  35. Sharon Neeman says:

    If our “things” are concave or convex
    May affect the mechanics of sex,
    But our means of enjoyment
    Shouldn’t touch our employment,
    And certainly never our checks.

  36. Dave Johnson says:

    (B.O.T.S. – an extended view from the trenches)

    An aging porn actor recalled
    Old times with the ladies he’d balled.
    Like when one made him wince
    While going down since
    Her braces were newly installed.

    Another embarrassing part:
    He knew it was blown from the start.
    His absence of poise
    In response to a noise;
    The source was a tear-gassing fart.

    Massaging with both of his mitts,
    Big boobies just thrilled him to bits.
    He’d bury his face
    In that valley of space
    Making noises that gave the girl fits.

    His sought-after hard-working stiffie
    Made a living both carefree and spiffy.
    But time would prevail
    As it started to fail;
    A woody grown weary and iffy.

    Comeuppance was Debbie from Dallas
    Deriding his slumbering phallus.
    Unable to mount,
    He was down for the count…
    But then they invented Cialis!

    “It’s a miracle” he would agree;
    “Ol’ Deadwood can stand like a tree.”
    What’s even more groovy,
    He’s got a new movie
    Called “Debbie Does A.A.R.P.”

  37. Sharon Neeman says:

    My Home Ec teacher had a “receipt”
    For pot pie with no wheat or meat.
    It was hard as a rock
    And it smelled like old sock
    And tasted like crap and concrete.

  38. Dave Johnson says:

    Hit back at my critics by tweet;
    Blame others so they take the heat.
    Keep rootin’ and tootin’
    For buddy-boy Putin;
    Fresh Tic Tacs for when we first meet.

  39. Tim James says:

    There’s a gathering just down the street
    And my neighbor, who’s pretty and sweet,
    Took her boyfriend, a punk,
    And came back with a hunk.
    That’s one hell of an awesome swap meet.

  40. Sharon Neeman says:

    I’ve been waiting two hours in the street!
    “At seven,” you told me, “we’ll meet” —
    Now it’s 8:53!
    Yes, you’re lovely to see —
    But heavens, my poor aching feet!

    And your dinner choice made things complete:
    “Just a salad,” you smiled, “and no meat.”
    I had wanted a steak,
    But… oh, give me a break!
    Metrosexuals just have me beat.

  41. Dave Johnson says:

    They met at the Amazon store;
    Excited, she opted for more.
    But later that night
    As she reached for the light,
    Alexa yelled”Show him the door!”

  42. Tim James says:

    You reside in the capital, but
    Your wife’s in New York. Did her gut
    Churn with rage when you blabbed
    ‘Bout the pussies you grabbed?
    In the future, just keep your mouth shut.

  43. Tom Harris says:

    The two young lovers planned to meet,
    Drive off, and neck in the back seat.
    The gal, young and fair.
    The lad? Not all there,
    Went to McD’s, had fries to eat.

  44. Sharon Neeman says:

    Extra Credit Limerick: watch the video AFTER you read it!

    The scene at the end of the day:
    The husband is snoring away.
    The wife hears him snore
    And wonders “What for?
    There must be an easier way!”

    Sharon Neeman

  45. Sharon Neeman says:

    Women think: “Meat” is beef, pork or mutton,
    And expensive to feed to a glutton.
    Men think: “Meat” is a pole
    To be shoved in a hole
    While fiddling with this or that button.

  46. Judith H. Block says:

    It seems they were both all confused,
    He grabbed her, she was not amused.
    She wants love, he just sex.
    He’s too fast, she objects.
    He’s baffled, and she just feels used.

  47. There’s a fellow I met in the street
    Whose phrasebook’s a tad incomplete.
    When he comes up to greet you
    And say, “Pleased to meet you…”
    It comes out: “I pleasure your meat!”

    I tried to correct the man — twice —
    But he just wouldn’t heed my advice.
    “PLEASED. TO. MEET. YOU.” I said;
    He just nodded his head,
    And continued: “Your meat, it is nice!”

  48. I’m more than a little alarmed
    To think who is most often harmed
    In the “War of the Sexes”:
    Wives, girlfrieds and exes
    Know which side is usually armed.

  49. Although I tried learning עִברִית
    And to separate dairy from meat,
    When the rabbi tried makin’
    Me give up my bacon,
    That’s when I admitted defeat.

  50. Dave Johnson says:

    (With a nod to Tim James)

    Melania said to her spouse:
    “My God, you are such a big louse!
    With your unending blather,
    I think I would rather
    YOU live in that stuffy old house.

    You’ll still have your acolyte hacks
    Cooking up those alternative facts.
    If you get in a snit
    Over ratings and shit,
    Give Spicer a few extra whacks.”

  51. Marty Gerendasy says:

    Pretty lass with a smile oh so sweet
    Sold her “wares” to each guy that she’d meet.
    But her efforts soon failed
    And she found herself jailed.
    Never mess with the cop on the beat!

  52. In the past, mighty armies would meet
    Over whether or not to complete
    (In a biblical quote) a
    Lost subscript-iota…
    We’ll now go to war for a Tweet.

  53. Dave Johnson says:

    P.O.T.U.S. playbook (cont.)

    Insult any allies you meet;
    Keep protestors out in the street.
    Trample our laws
    While advancing the cause
    Of those who are wearing a sheet.

  54. Martha says:

    I dream of true love I am yet to meet
    to fall in love with someone so sweet
    To find my other half is my quest
    a soul mate who will truly love me best
    until then, I must to shadows retreat.

  55. Dave Johnson says:

    A horny young techie named Ryan
    Had lusted for Janie O’Brian.
    He sexted a pic,
    But she thought it was Nick;
    They’re dating now. Ryan’s still cryin’.

  56. Dave Johnson says:

    Steve Bannon, to pals on the street:
    “There’s someone you might like to meet.
    If you want to canoodle
    With Putin’s pet poodle,
    My White House is where we retreat.”

  57. David Reddekopp says:

    A father was trying to cheat
    So his wife had some justice to mete
    The next day, the news read,
    “Deadbeat Dad is Beat Dead”
    For her crime, an electrified seat.

  58. Tim James says:

    Her response to his come-on was meet:
    “Not ’til hell freezes under our feet!”
    But with flatt’ry and gin
    She began to give in.
    And the devil yelled, “Hey! Is this SLEET?”

  59. Dave Johnson says:

    (A slight theme revision – Prattle of the Sexes)

    Kellyanne Conway – relax,
    They love your “alternative facts”.
    And Ivanka is still
    In need of a shill;
    For Nordstrom is dumping her racks.

    Sean Spiicer, you gotta be tough.
    You’re not gonna take any guff
    While standing up there
    With your menacing glare
    Spouting gibberish ’till they’ve had enough.

    You two now insufferable pills,
    Immersed in concealing the ills
    Of your Tweeter-in-Chief
    Magnify our belief;
    We all need to head for the hills.

  60. David Reddekopp says:

    Though we men may be physically stronger
    A woman can go for far longer
    Not having coition
    Both if their position
    Is right, or their argument’s wronger.

    For the male mind, it’s easy to read it
    And they know fully well that we need it
    They’ll be all out of joint
    While we’re making our point
    Right up to the time we concede it

    Sorry, men, our predicament’s drearier
    It appears that they’re clearly superior
    Much to all our chagrin
    Seems we men cannot win
    If we want to be in her interior.

  61. Fred Bortz says:

    The President said in a tweet
    “When Vladimir comes for a meet,
    Flynn and I will be gushin’.
    We love all things Russian
    Like borscht, whether cabbage or beet.”

    That story’s, of course, incomplete.
    Flynn’s now gone from his comfortable seat,
    And Spicer, that worm,
    Has to spin it and squirm
    While the press holds his feet to the heat.

    I wish I could say this is sweet,
    But revenge is not always a treat.
    There’s no joy, I confess,
    When our country’s a mess.
    We’re living the pain of defeat.

  62. Fred Bortz says:

    At a long-distance runners retreat,
    They discussed how to win every meet.
    Finish first (Boy, oh Boy!)–
    That’s victorious joy.
    If you’re last, there’s the pain of de-feet.

  63. Fred Bortz says:

    That alien planet’s complex.
    In mating, each creature selects
    Three partners or more
    (Genders there number four).
    It’s a battle to meet up for sex.

  64. Fred Bortz says:

    In Britain, to have a long marriage,
    The secret is not to disparage.
    If your partner is wrong,
    Say “You’re right all along,”
    Then she’ll welcome your car in her garage.

  65. David Reddekopp says:

    Actually, I’m gonna request a change to that.

    In L3-5:

    Not having coition
    Both if their position
    Is right, or their argument’s wronger

    Please and thank you.

    From MBK: Done.

  66. Sharon Neeman says:

    Binyamin Netanyahu asserted*
    Something funny, though slightly perverted:
    “Jared never was small;
    He was always… err, tall” —
    Might that be why Ivanka converted?

    * Netanyahu

  67. Sharon Neeman says:

    Some women are made to be boss;
    Others think that they are, but they’re dross —
    Why, no, I’m not hintin’
    At Hillary Clinton!
    Try Palin, perhaps, or DeVos.

  68. Suzanne Heymann says:

    He was hostile, harsh and quite haughty
    And nasty, annoying and naughty
    When he hit her, then he
    Broke his nose and his knee
    ‘Cause he didn’t know she knew karate.

  69. Suzanne Heymann says:

    They fought hard in a battle of wits
    And he flew into juvenile fits
    But Liz found the right words
    Made his tweets look like turds
    And it promptly gave Donald the shits.

  70. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The grocery chain called to greet
    The new meat vendor, just down the street
    Now the payment’s complete
    On the butcher’s receipt
    Then he’ll mete out the meat when they meet.

  71. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The john said to the whore, “Ain’t it sweet?
    How you’re only a dumb piece of meat?”
    Without flinching, she teased,
    “Yes, I’m glad that you’re pleased
    But you now are diseased. Ain’t it neat?”

  72. Suzanne Heymann says:

    When the little brats say, “Trick or treat!”
    They want candy, not veggies or meat
    Well, too BAD! Tell them merit
    Is found in a carrot
    So just grin and bear it, and eat!

    Diabetes, bad teeth ain’t complete
    Without weight gain, from heads to their feet
    They will find out real soon
    That they aren’t immune
    But the flow’rs at their fun’rals smell sweet.

    Tell them some kids live out on the street
    And garbage is all there’s to eat
    Tell the costume-clad brats
    If they don’t like the stats
    To go home if they can’t take the heat.

  73. Dave Johnson says:

    Melinda and new boyfriend Will
    Ran into her ex-husband Phil.
    He took Will aside,
    Announcing with pride:
    “I no longer need a blue pill…”

  74. Sharon Neeman says:

    There are ghouls that are called the Afreet —
    Arabia’s their usual beat;
    They can change their own shapes,
    Transform men into apes,
    And are fond of fresh-killed human meat.

  75. Dave Johnson says:

    “These make me look bigger?” she asked;
    A query he just should have passed.
    But instead, “Not at all;
    You make ’em look small.”
    – The fuse that ignited the blast.

  76. Dave Johnson says:

    While texting an amorous friend,
    She shouldn’t have quickly hit “send”.
    Because autofill wrote
    That he looked like a goat;
    And that may have started the end.

  77. Sharon Neeman says:

    She may well have invented the spark
    That woke the world out of the dark,
    But although she’s gone far,
    Men still look at her car
    And assume she can’t parallel park.

  78. Suzanne Heymann says:

    If you want to define the word “meat”
    It is animal flesh that we eat
    Cut, then sold for a price
    Before cooking, add spice
    Then the taste is quite nice, can’t be beat!

  79. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Make some chili with onions and meat
    Garlic too, and include lots of heat —
    Watch those hot, spicy peppers
    Kill warts off of lepers
    Smoke exits your ears when you eat.

    Then when bowels start rumbling a beat
    And your ass is afraid to excrete
    Find a water-filled bowl
    (Your bum’s ultimate goal)
    Or you might burn a hole in your seat!

    If its fire you want to defeat
    Then do this ‘fore and after you eat:
    Wash down a small pita
    With iced margarita
    As fast as a cheetah in heat!

  80. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Michael Douglas and Madeleine Kane
    Starred in “War of the Roses.” Insane!
    This battle of sexes
    Turned spouses to exes
    Their hatred perplexes the brain.

    From Mad Kane: I hope you realize that I’m the only one who will have any idea what you’re talking about. :)

  81. Suzanne Heymann says:

    I feel I have lost, never won
    In creating a great meaty pun
    Though it may be a treat
    When I joke about meat
    It is rare if completely well done.

  82. Suzanne Heymann says:

    On a blind date, you usually meet
    Some loser who gives you cold feet
    So, to keep him apart
    Pick your nose, burp and fart
    And you won’t steal his heart! Ain’t that neat?

  83. Dave Johnson says:

    A lot of young couples today
    Appear to have nothing to say.
    Like hovering drones,
    They stare at their phones;
    Romance never gets in the way.

  84. No BBQ can be seen as complete
    Without a tray load of meat.
    There’s plenty of sauce
    And some beers, of course,
    And salads for the rabbits to eat.

  85. Dave Johnson says:

    A couple quite often would fight
    In the morning, or later at night.
    With no cuddles or pecks,
    The one mention of sex:
    “Screw you” as she turned out the light.

  86. Dave Johnson says:

    The most hideous cretin you’ll meet
    Now lives at the end of the street.
    Pennsylvania, that is,
    For the governing biz
    By cheap shotting man-baby tweet.

  87. Though dieters found it a treat
    When we gave them “Eggbeaters” to eat,
    We did worse than we’d planned
    With our “Meatbeaters” brand…
    (I guess people aren’t beating their meat).

  88. P Diane Schneider says:

    Afifi accomplished a feat
    Escaping the ISIL and beat
    Her way to this shore
    Now Trumpet is sore
    And striving to put on the heat

  89. P Diane Schneider says:

    She ran for her life o’er the peat
    If Afifi loses her seat
    A loss to us all
    This tough little doll
    She’s someone that I’d love to meet

  90. P Diane Schneider says:

    He can’t be the man of my dreams
    This fast-talking dude with his schemes
    He thinks he’s so great
    But he elicits hate
    On that subject I could write reams

  91. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 271.

    Congratulations to our Limerick-Off Award Winner, the Battle of the Sexes-Themed Limerick Winner, The Facebook Friends Award Winner, and to the Honorable Mention winners.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off List.

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