Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: STARE or STAIR at the end of any one line

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using STARE or STAIR at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to DISHONESTY, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best DISHONESTY-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on February 5, 2017, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, February 4, 2017 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

A fellow will frequently stare
At people as if they are bare.
When informed this is lewd
And unbearably crude,
He’ll retort rather rudely: “Don’t care!”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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96 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: STARE or STAIR at the end of any one line”

  1. Brian Allgar says:

    The Emperor’s clothes

    He had chosen his outfit with care
    For the day, yet I still had to stare
    When he started to bleat,
    For his naked conceit
    Made it clear he was morally bare.

  2. Brian Allgar says:

    I was placing my feet with great care,
    And believed I was dancing with flair.
    We were waltzing like pros
    Till I trod on her toes . . .
    Alas, I am no Fred Astaire.

  3. Brian Allgar says:

    Dishonesty? How dare you insult your President!

    “Believe me, the Mexican wall
    Will be beautiful, ’bout a mile tall.
    You’ll be paying the cost
    With the healthcare you lost;
    Your taxes will pay for it all.

    I was badly misquoted – to call
    It a lie seems to me kinda small.
    You guys shoulda read
    What I actually said:
    I’ll make Mexico PAPER the wall.”

  4. Brian Allgar says:

    The President isn’t all there.
    It’s shameful, I know, but don’t stare;
    Though physically burly,
    His brain’s short and curly,
    As smart as his own pubic hair.

  5. Brian Allgar says:

    “To climb to the top of the stair?
    It’s easy, I’m already there;
    Just lie, cheat and steal.
    As for ethics, get real –
    The voters don’t know and don’t care.”

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    When your gaze is a menacing stare,
    And your small, piggy eyes seem to glare,
    And your mouth is agape –
    No, you’re not a Great Ape,
    Just the POTUS they’re calling “Mein Herr”.

  7. Jesse Levy says:

    “Excuse me, I don’t mean to stare
    But are you a peach, plum or pear?”
    “Are you blind there, monsieur?
    My skin’s green for sure,
    And D’anjou’s my name, if you care.”

  8. Judith H. Block says:

    I look at your photos, just stare,
    The time passes by; I don’t care.
    I miss you so much-
    Your words and your touch.
    Your death leaves a void of despair.

  9. Judith H. Block says:

    Hey, guy! Look away, don’t you stare!
    Whatever your thoughts, don’t go “there”!
    I want some respect!
    Can’t be more direct.
    Know I’m packing heat, so beware!

  10. Judith H. Block says:

    I look in the mirror and stare,
    How did all those grey hairs get there?
    I was doing just fine,
    In my mind, thirty-nine!
    Still sexy as hell! I don’t care!

  11. Judith H. Block says:

    Our Country fell down a steep stair,
    To an abyss! How the hell we’d get there?
    The incompetent fool
    Is just nasty and cruel.
    We’re living a Trumpish nightmare.

  12. Brian Allgar says:

    “Hey, my promise to never destroy
    Your Medicare wasn’t a ploy.
    It’s not ME who will screw it –
    My minions will do it.
    The cash that they’ll free up! Oh, boy!”

  13. Brian Allgar says:

    Dishonesty theme

    (Terms of agreement – be precise!)

    The bimbo was willing and hot.
    I asked her to swallow. “Why not?”
    She didn’t complain
    As she drank my champagne,
    And it’s true that she swallowed the lot.

  14. Brian Allgar says:

    She was naked! I just had to stare
    At the President’s wife; she was bare
    In the photos of old,
    And the truth must be told:
    I could see where he grabbed her – right there!

  15. Richard Campbell says:

    Presidential dishonesty…

    Whenever Trump opens his face,
    His office he tends to debase.
    What he spews from his mouth
    Sits so far to the south
    Of the truth, it’s a flaming disgrace.

  16. Richard Campbell says:

    It’s craftiness, crookedness, cheating,
    Deceit, double-dealing, maltreating.
    It’s dupery, son,
    And to him, it’s just fun.
    Not a man you would like to be meeting.

  17. Richard Campbell says:

    In order to groove silk and satin,
    By nefarious means I will fatten
    My wallet. (I’m brash
    And possess such panache!)
    By the way, want a bridge in Manhattan?

  18. Judith H. Block says:

    They’ve been conned by a dishonest creep,
    Incredible, they’re still asleep.
    It’s a corporate coup,
    And they’ll suffer, too.
    Way too late when they wake up and weep.

  19. Richard Campbell says:

    The mountain path rose like a stair,
    But it led to a grizzly bear’s lair.
    What I did not foresee
    Was that good-tasting me
    Would become that damn bear’s dinner fare.

  20. Frank Hubeny says:

    I wonder if what is out there
    Is more than a tad bit aware
    Than I think it should be?
    All the stuff that I see
    Might be giving me also a stare.

  21. Marty Gerendasy says:

    Dolly Parton has got quite a pair.
    When I see them I can’t help but stare.
    They made her reputation
    And caused quite a sensation.
    It’s too bad that they’re never seen bare!

  22. Frank Hubeny says:


    I’m honest enough. I don’t bite,
    Although some claim that someday I might.
    So–what if that’s true?
    What’s a bad guy to do?
    Biting good guys is such a delight.

  23. Sue Dulley says:

    Dishonesty and beyond:

    If your numbers are far from exact
    Counting crowds that aren’t madding or packed
    You aren’t lying, or wrong
    And your nose won’t grow long –
    It’s just an Alternative Fact.

    Dead George Orwell, my muse in a dream
    Said, “Something I missed, it would seem:
    All that Newspeak galore,
    Still Nineteen Eighty-Four
    Lacks ‘Alternative Facts’ (today’s meme)”.

    Aldous Huxley, deep down in his grave
    Rolls over, thinks “When I wrote Brave
    New World – in a daze –
    If I’d thought of that phrase
    I’d have earned all the praise that I crave”.

  24. Marty Gerendasy says:

    Edited version (punctuation correction)

    I can’t help it, I just have to stare
    At the President’s combed-over hair.
    I believe it’s insane
    To keep sporting that mane
    But apparently he doesn’t care.

  25. Brian Allgar says:

    Dishonest? Nah, that isn’t me.
    I swear, what you get’s what you see.
    Look, the wig on my head
    Is an orangey-red,
    And the message it spells is “To Pee”.

  26. Richard Campbell says:

    All you guys, be aware and beware:
    When your lady, descending the stair,
    In her frock looks a mess,
    And she asks, “Like the dress?”
    Tell the truth? Are you nuts? Don’t you dare!

  27. Dave Johnson says:

    She stood by the uppermost stair;
    Then rode down the banister bare.
    Her lover’s surmise
    From the look in her eyes:
    “She’s warming my dinner with care.”

  28. Dave Johnson says:

    You shouldn’t just wander and stare
    At sunbathers, happy and bare;
    And snicker, to boot.
    So take off your suit;
    Exposing the truth, if you dare.

  29. Judith H. Block says:

    “Alternative facts” are just lies,
    They’re deceit in attempted disguise.
    You must pay attention;
    Don’t lose comprehension.
    You’ll believe the bulls–t otherwise.

  30. Dave Johnson says:

    Dishonesty isn’t a thing
    You’d brag about facing a king.
    Trump’s minions, however,
    Mendacious and clever,
    Are kneeling and kissing his ring.

  31. “Mr. Trump? We have all heard you bellow
    That you don’t enjoy showers of yellow…
    But the truth must be told:
    Are you Russian-controlled?”
    Said Trump: “это не твое дело!”

  32. “The American people don’t care,”
    She said, with her lizardy stare,
    “’bout how much Donald earns,
    Or his old tax returns;
    The election is over. Move on!”

    “Excuse me, Ms. Conway? I think
    Your last line’s a bit out of sync:
    You began fairly strong,
    But the ending went wrong…”

    “Oh, nonsense,” she said with a blink;

    “It’s either your memory’s gone,
    Or else your a typical pawn
    Of the liberal left
    As they ponder the theft
    Of the President’s popular mandate.”

    “Ms. Conway, we’re willing to swear
    That the word of the week should be ‘stare’;
    And we also should note
    that the popular vote
    Went to Hillary, just to be fair.”

    “Ha! More of the the bigotry AND hate
    You showed Mr. Trump as a cand’date!
    But to be quite exact,
    The Alternative Fact
    Is the rhyme word has always been ‘jobs’.”

    “Will Laughlin, the ‘Limerick Times’:
    This may be the least of your crimes,
    But your limerick Word-
    Of-The-Week is absurd:
    You can’t just go making up rhymes.”

    “If we say it’s a
    Limerick,” said Kelly Ann,
    “It’s a limerick.”

    “I’m sorry, Ms. Conway, but you
    Just gave us a dreadful
    If you don’t want to rhyme,
    You’re just wasting our time,
    So I guess we’ll just bid you

    “Now, don’t you go turning your backs,
    You liberal media hacks!
    You’d better be nicer
    To me and Sean Spicer,
    Or… or… ohhhh, Satan! This wasn’t in the agreement!!”

    “Oh, Kelly,” Beelzebub said,
    “Be quiet and come back to bed.
    It’s tragic you’ve twigged
    That the contract is rigged,
    But I am, after all, Lyin’ Ted.”

    (In case it isn’t clear, Kelly Ann’s verses are deliberately flat-footed.)

  33. Dave Johnson says:

    While Nixon claimed “I’m not a crook” –
    His eyes had that scurrilous look.
    Now Trump wields his axe
    With “alternative facts”;
    As if he had written the book.

  34. Sharon Neeman says:

    Why, yes, Mr. T., you can stare
    At those millions of hats that we wear —
    For an ocean of pink
    Is much nicer, we think,
    Than those great gaps of white in the square!

  35. Sharon Neeman says:

    Alternative facts are so crass!
    Their users lack wit, sense and class —
    But oh, how they’ll grieve
    When the web that they weave
    Trips them up and they fall on their (_|_) !

  36. Ted Hayes says:

    George Washington’s cherry tree

    A symbol of dishonesty
    were the cherries on G. Dubya’s tree
    though George hacked it down
    the fruit scent was profound
    and yet lingers in the District of C.

  37. David Reddekopp says:

    The Donald’s devoid of all tact
    And humility he’s always lacked
    But what I most despise
    Are his ludicrous lies
    Which he sells as “alternative fact”.

  38. Suzanne Heymann says:

    My brain had no time to prepare
    As my eyes could do nothing but stare
    Some new rhymes had dropped in
    Yes, like magic, popped in
    Will T. Laughlin stopped in from somewhere!

    Oh my golly, you gave me a scare!
    Your appearances these days are rare
    All your talent we’ve missed
    So we just reminisced
    ‘Cause you rhymed with a twist and such flair.

    Take your coat off and pull up a chair
    And please make some more rhymes if you dare
    Oh, your limerick clout
    Is just magic, no doubt
    Just keep pulling them out of thin air!

  39. The White House guard paused on the stair:
    He thought he’d heard voices up there —
    A woman’s voice, hootin’
    What sounded like, “PUTIN!”
    He crept up the stairway with care…

    ‘Twas Melania’s voice, without doubt.
    But what could that shout be about?
    He heard her go on:
    “Oh, for heaven’s sake, Don:
    Take out. Now Putin. Now take out…”

  40. Dave Johnson says:

    In that popular song about “Bass”,
    We were told a particular place
    Invited a stare:
    Her big derriere;
    No treble – like tits or a face.

  41. Again, combining both themes (and a hat-tip to Brian):

    Dear Kelly Ann Conway: I swear
    On my best day, I never would dare
    To tap-dance like you
    Claiming something is true.
    Admiringly yours,
    — Fred Astaire

  42. Suzanne Heymann says:

    When she left the guest washroom’s bad air
    Partygoers could not help but stare
    What a sight! What a fright!
    Her brown skirt was tucked tight
    In the back of her white underwear!

  43. Dave Johnson says:

    She had a magnificent pair;
    Pursuers would longingly stare
    At their near-perfect size;
    A wondrous prize
    For collectors of earrings so rare.

  44. Suzanne Heymann says:

    To Dave Johnson:

    You deceived us with words that you utter
    Made our hearts temporarily flutter
    Watched your lewdness unwind
    Till we fin’lly did find
    That we each had our mind in the gutter.

  45. David Reddekopp says:

    When it’s climate change, Trump doesn’t care
    He just sits there and gives a blank stare
    With this outlook, the earth
    For all that it’s worth
    Like his head, will be full of hot air.

  46. Chris Gross says:

    Not sure if this fits the “dishonest” theme, but I’ll let you be the judge. Oh, wait – you ARE the judge!! 😜
    When Trump first travelled to Mexico,
    He said this to Seńor Nieto:
    “When I get elected
    Wall will be erected.”
    And soon Congress will ask, “where’s Wall-Dough?!”

  47. Mary McGarvey says:

    The dentist said, “Hop in the chair,
    Give us a smile if you dare!
    Oh, this one looks bad!
    Now please don’t get mad.
    You know you shouldn’t drink on the stair.”

  48. Mary McGarvey says:

    Old grandpa rocked in his chair.
    He looked Grim, at the news, with a stare
    At the crime rates in town
    Which went up, never down.
    “Hell, they’ll shoot till the ghetto is bare”.

  49. Tim James says:

    I suspect that Trump lies when he speaks
    About Vlad and the lev’rage he seeks.
    “Money, hookers and pee?
    He’s got nothing on me!”
    Pity Trump; he’s been damaged by leaks.

  50. Ted Hayes says:

    Said Joe, when a thief stole his glass eye,
    “Looks like the Good Book just don’t apply.
    But he still ain’t gone see
    not a bit better’n me,
    ’cause I coated that sucker with black dye.”

  51. Dave Johnson says:

    A con man can easily pitch
    His scam in a true bait and switch.
    We’re living it now;
    Trump’s “Great Again” vow
    Gets lost as we head for the ditch.

  52. Dave Johnson says:

    To Suzanne Heymann:

    My post wasn’t meant to deceive,
    Misconstrue with intent to conceive
    An erroneous impression;
    It’s just an expression
    To tweak what we seek to believe.

  53. @Suzanne, 12/25: Thank you.

    November the 8th: as I stare
    At my screen, I succumb to despair.
    The depression and pain
    Are far more of a strain
    Than my poor sense of humor can bear.

    Yes, I’ve been away for a span;
    And that is the reason, Suzanne.
    I’m not, I admit,
    Fully out of the Pit,
    But I’m doing the best that I can.

  54. Dave Johnson says:

    When he opens his pie hole we hear
    “Now give me a thunderous cheer”.
    And nobody beats
    His man-baby tweets
    For turning the world on its ear.

    It’s hard not to giggle and stare
    At his pinkies and Halloween hair.
    But we cannot abide
    That dictator side;
    With his cartoon agenda laid bare.

  55. Ted Hayes says:

    I think I’ve deciphered a stare
    from he of the gigantic pair.
    That look is, in fact
    designed to detract
    your eyes from that stylish orange hair

  56. Suzanne Heymann says:

    To Dave Johnson’s 3:55 pm response:

    The error is lying within
    My own head, and I’m guilty as sin
    I can’t figure out why
    My own logic is dry
    So I guess, though I try, I can’t win!

  57. Suzanne Heymann says:

    To Will:

    I should throw myself down a steep stair
    For prompting your kindness to share
    I do hope your pain does
    Disappear soon, because,
    Of your struggle, I was not aware.

  58. Sharon Neeman says:

    Trumpty Dumpty, he ran on a wall;
    He said Mexico’d pay, I recall —
    But that orange-haired liar
    Set OUR pants on fire
    By making us pay for it all.

  59. Sharon Neeman says:

    When the king (of her roots unaware)
    His esteem for this maid did declare,
    She made breath-taking news
    By saving the Jews —
    Sound familiar?…

    [Wait for it!]

    They called her…

    [Hey, no one said it had to be all in English!]


  60. Wendy Playter says:

    A classic rock fan named Janelle
    Went down to her basement, but fell.
    Her Led Zeppelin flair
    Was smashed on the stair,
    And now it’s a stairway to hell.

  61. Wendy Playter says:

    “The president isn’t quite right!”
    A protester yelled through the night.
    “His stupid-ass plans
    Are just like his hands–
    Both lies, and they’re little and white!”

  62. Wendy Playter says:

    The 80s saw me as a tyke
    Use words such as “bogus” and “like”
    Even lying was fun–
    When your sentence was done,
    You’d wait a beat, then utter, “SYKE!”

  63. Dave Johnson says:

    (Now playing locally)

    In the morning we go out and stare
    At an ice dam reforming right there.
    Up a ladder we go,
    Chip away at the foe;
    No sneaking down into our lair.

  64. Dave Johnson says:

    At the onion-skinned monster we glare
    As he stands at the top of the stair
    In his present endeavor.
    Say never forever
    Until he is no longer there.

  65. Suzanne Heymann says:

    They always had something to hide
    That crazy pair, Bonnie and Clyde
    Well, dishonesty got ’em
    Until the cops caught ’em
    And promptly had shot ’em; both died.

  66. Dave Johnson says:

    To Suzanne re: 01/26 7:41 pm

    Possessing the mind of a sinner
    Can often be viewed as a winner.
    While naughty but fun
    Might not please everyone,
    They laugh at our limericks at dinner.

  67. Ted Hayes says:

    For Senor Enrique Pena Nieto

    Words from an unlikely hero.
    to the king with honesty sub zero.
    Said he, “Si, Meester Trump,
    steeck dees wall up your rump.
    You’ll get none of my freekin’ dinero!”

  68. Tim James says:

    When he and his bride tied the knot
    Their relations were frequent and hot.
    They made love on the stair.
    Standing up. In a chair.
    The result: a bad back is his lot.

  69. Richard Campbell says:

    I gawk and I gape and I stare.
    I slobber and drool and despair.
    My brain has been blanked.
    Equanimity’s tanked.
    All because of that bare derriere.

  70. Dave Johnson says:

    With shysters, here’s how it all plays:
    “Just trust me” their best working phrase.
    Trump uses it most;
    But now he can boast
    A new one; it’s “Mexico pays”.

  71. Ken Gosse says:

    It’s Just Not Fair! (quote from a Tweeter) ~
    On facebook, my poor aching stare
    Has been worn out by words like “derriere. “
    (That’s an alt-definition
    Of words whose omission
    Would make like much pleasanter there.)

  72. Ken Gosse says:

    Get The to Anonery ~
    We should all denounce someone dishonest,
    When his bullying’s hard-pressed uponust,
    Full of alt-tuthy lies.
    Then this status applies:
    A persona non grata annonest.

  73. J.D. Heskin says:

    Miss Trudy is as bald as a pear–
    but to me she is precious and rare;
    her cranium’s as round as ball
    and they tell me she looks like a doll
    but they’ll never get used to her stare.

  74. Val Fish says:

    In a relationship, there must
    Be honesty, respect and trust
    His cheating heart
    Drove us apart
    Now all my dreams have turned to dust

  75. When Godiva paraded, all bare,
    The townsfolk agreed not to stare.
    But the temptation was steep
    And young Tom took a peep
    But swore he just looked at her hair.

  76. World leaders continue to stare
    At the man with the ludicrous hair:
    They find it bewild’rin’
    That refugee children
    Give Trump such a pants-wetting scare.


    At the Holocaust Statement I stare:
    Something’s missing, that ought to be there.
    At this rate, I fear
    That the Statement next year
    Will read simply: “What Holocaust? Where?”

  78. Suzanne Heymann says:

    There’s a thing that is topped with a straw nest
    Has its own amateur hair salonist
    It starts with a T
    And it ends with a P
    It’s a synonym word for ‘dishonest.’

  79. Tim James says:

    His horn-rims, bow tie and slicked hair
    Are so retro that people just stare.
    He’s been growing rotund-er
    Which leads me to wonder
    How someone so round can be square.

  80. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Ever notice how little kids stare?
    They don’t know that it’s rude; they don’t care
    But once they get older
    They must be less bolder
    A burden their shoulder will bear.

    But when a man stares at a lady
    It implies his intentions are shady
    It may seem he has guile
    With a dishonest smile
    In true crocodile style; be afraidy!

  81. Suzanne Heymann says:

    If you REALLY want me to not stare
    Split the pair if you dare and then share
    So I may if I might
    Grab the one on the right
    I would lick first, then bite your éclair.

  82. (Sorry, Mad — I stole the rhyme scheme from your Trump Carnage limerick)

    O Voters, attend to my verse!
    Politicians who lie are a curse;
    But we’ve learned (as we’re hurled
    Toward the End of the World)
    That Trump being honest is worse.

  83. Jane Hoffman says:

    I feel his eyes. Men often dare
    To look at me. I know they stare.
    But this man comes near!
    He leans toward my ear!
    “Madam, you have taken my chair!”

  84. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    He’s down at the beach (skies are fair)
    With a minuscule bag and his chair.
    Why’s that sack so darn small?
    It’s just sunscreen—that’s all;
    Seems he’s loaded for bare so don’t stare.

  85. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    Crap, as soon as I posted it, I saw something I had meant to change. Would you be a dear (as always) and change L1 for me. It should read:

    He’s down at the beach (skies are fair)


    From MBK: Done.

  86. Ken Gosse says:

    Deep Drinking Thinking ~
    Dishonesty isn’t my style,
    But, of course, if you listen a while,
    You might hear some alts
    As I down a few malts,
    Then watch out—cause it makes a deep pile.

    — or, more in keeping with my original thought —

    UnDeeply Thinking ~
    Dishonesty isn’t his style,
    But, of course, if you read them a while,
    You’ll notice some faults
    In his Tweets full of alts,
    So watch out—cause they makes a deep pile.

  87. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Scarlett stood at the very top stair
    Dressed to kill and descending with flair
    Then she stumbled; oh-oh!
    Upside down she did go
    And revealed she had no underwear!

  88. Kirk Miller says:

    In Wisconsin, I stopped, had to stare
    At a milk-maid who looked oh so fair.
    She was full of much sass.
    Wouldn’t call her an ass,
    Though she did have a nice dairy-air. (derriere)

  89. Kirk Miller says:

    There’s a teller of fortunes named Rawls,
    And his method routinely appalls
    All his clients, who stare.
    He pulls down underwear
    And then looks at his two crystal balls.

  90. Kirk Miller says:

    There’s a flooring that seems to beguile
    Folks who see it because it has style.
    People stop and they stare
    Because each single square
    Contains poetry; it’s versatile.

  91. Kirk Miller says:

    The auto mechanic of mine
    Was lying and had to resign.
    Said the wheels are not straight
    On my car. I just hate
    When he’s trying to feed me align.

  92. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Pure evil resides in Steve Bannon
    He’s a danger, a really loose cannon
    There dishonesty thrives
    With his lies, guns and knives
    And laws wrecking your lives he is plannin’.

  93. Dave Johnson says:

    Our “leader” will now get his fill
    Of the view from the top of the hill.
    To honor his tricks,
    Maybe we can affix
    His face on a three dollar bill.

  94. Kirk Miller says:

    Politicians have tried to disguise
    Their false statements, a ploy I despise.
    They’re not alternate facts
    Or fake news. Each distracts
    From the truth. They are just simply lies!

  95. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is… Limerick-Off Award.

    Congratulations to our Limerick-Off Award Winner, the Dishonesty-Themed Limerick Winner, and to the Honorable Mention winners.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Meet.