Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: LEAN or LIEN at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using either LEAN or LIEN at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to BOREDOM, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best boredom-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on August 7, 2016, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, August 6, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

Figurines by the teenage Colleen
Were censored and labeled obscene.
Though they did land a show,
The young artist can’t go;
Seems her work’s too “adult” and “unclean.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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90 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: LEAN or LIEN at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5”

  1. Jesse Levy says:

    I’ve tried and I’ve tried to get lean
    But dieting just makes me mean.
    When my tummy’s not full
    How I snort like a bull!
    Trust me, it’s not a nice scene.

  2. Marty Gerendasy says:

    Gotta come up with lots of long green
    ‘Cause the IRS just placed a lien
    On my house and my car.
    This time they went too far.
    And my future’s gone down the latrine.

  3. Ken Gosse says:

    (Hundreds of Limericks and I haven’t used either word before!)
    Eenie Meanie Tiny Words ~
    How could she, my verses unseen,
    Chose two words that have not felt my spleen?
    Wrote ‘clean client’ before,
    And Mom’s name, ‘Eleanor,’
    But this seems irrefutably mean.

  4. Ken Gosse says:

    [Posted one then realized I had edited-out Lean from the final version! It’s Baaaack…]
    Eenie Meanie Tiny Words ~
    Of course, since my verses are lean,
    She chose words that have not felt my spleen.
    Wrote ‘clean client’ before,
    And Mom’s name, ‘Eleanor,’
    But this seems irrefutably mean.

  5. Marty Gerendasy says:

    I prefer to write verse that is clean.
    I don’t like to say stuff that’s obscene.
    But if I just suggest,
    You can fill in the rest,
    And then you can decide what I mean!

  6. David Reddekopp says:

    Alongside the litter I lean
    But to move it, I’m not very keen
    Though unbearably bored
    It is not that I hoard
    No, I’m clearly too lazy to clean.

  7. Brian Allgar says:

    Said the visitor “Gosh! Have you seen
    That your tower’s beginning to lean?”
    “You silly old geezer,”
    They said, “You’re in Pisa,
    And that’s how the thing’s always been.”

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    The bimbo was thin as a bean,
    And she always ate meat that was lean.
    The only thing fat
    That she’d swallow was that –
    But to name it would be quite obscene.

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    Poor Jonah was seasick and green;
    He was trapped in a live submarine,
    Wading knee-deep in swill
    Full of plankton and krill,
    In the guts of a mighty baleen.

  10. Brian Allgar says:

    The Donald is taking a lien
    On America. “Yeah, well, I mean,
    It’s a question of trust –
    When the country goes bust,
    I’ll be pocketing plenty of green.”

  11. Brian Allgar says:

    The girl was convinced she had scored
    With a hunk, but her needs were ignored.
    Though he stayed the whole night,
    There was no sex in sight;
    She didn’t get drilled, only bored.

  12. Brian Allgar says:

    To stave off his feelings of boredom,
    He thought he would sample some whoredom.
    The call-girls looked nice,
    But on learning their price,
    He found that he couldn’t afford ’em.

  13. Brian Allgar says:

    The matador lay on the ground,
    And his sighs were a world-weary sound.
    When they asked “Are you bored?”
    He replied “I’ve been gored”,
    So the bull was the winner that round.

  14. Brian Allgar says:

    “Lemme tell you, my lifestyle is clean,
    And I don’t unnerstand what they mean
    When they say I don’t oughter
    Have sex with my daughter –
    On fam’ly traditions I’m keen.”

  15. Kathleen Bartoletti says:

    Banned from her own art show, Colleen
    Resolved she would still make the scene;
    Brashly, she and friend Mallory
    Posed nude outside the gallery
    Spouting limericks artfully unclean.

  16. Ken Gosse says:

    Honey Money ~
    The loss was the biggest he’d seen,
    And the money he used wasn’t clean.
    The men with the dough
    Have collectors, you know,
    Who were holding his wife as the lien.

  17. Brian Allgar says:

    Mad, I hadn’t spotted the identity rhyme in the limerick above, Could you replace it with this one? Ta.

    Life is boring, depressing and grey;
    A blowjob would brighten his day.
    “Will you suck me?” he’ll ask her,
    But, no multitasker,
    She won’t throw her gum-stick away.

    From MBK: I deleted your earlier version.

  18. Ken Gosse says:

    Dolly DeParted ~
    The clown’s hat? A Matryoshka doll,
    And inside was a cute, smaller moll
    With two poisonous tits
    That would kill you in fits
    If you bored him by being banal.

  19. Brian Allgar says:

    They asked the old tramp why he’d lean
    Every day by the bank. “Now, come clean –
    Are you holding the wall?
    Do you think it will fall?”
    “Yes.” He walked away. “See what I mean?”

  20. Ken Gosse says:

    Minerity Report ~
    Their marriage, too dull for his wife,
    So she left him for happier strife.
    No miner was finer,
    The old Forty-Niner
    Fastidiously bored through his life.

  21. Ken Gosse says:

    Vocabulations from the Dull Side ~
    Jejune, as a word, is inane,
    And the meaning is rather mundane:
    It’s naïve, it’s simplistic,
    And not realistic.
    No antonyms! Yes – that’s it’s bane.

  22. Ken Gosse says:

    The Short Happy Life… ~
    He hated his job on the rigs,
    And preferred to hunt thing-a-ma-jigs.
    Bored out of his gourd,
    He took up the sword
    And was boared to death by wild pigs.
    [Sophomore year in High School, our English teacher said King Lear was almost boared to death on one of his hunts. We read Macomber a couple of years later.]

  23. Marty Gerendasy says:

    A young poet whose name was Marlene
    Said “I don’t like a verse that’s obscene.
    But if I just suggest,
    You can fill in the rest,
    And then you can decide what I mean!”

  24. Marty Gerendasy says:

    I’ve decided it’s time to go green,
    Lots of veggies and good stuff that’s lean.
    Wouldn’t take too much wealth,
    And it’s good for my health.
    Gotta keep my old innards pristine!

  25. Val Fish says:

    I’ve a touch of tedium vitae
    Some excitement would brighten my day
    Girls, one two and three
    Could ease my ennui
    With a mind blowing triple BJ

  26. Kathleen Bartoletti says:

    More to the story:

    Banned from her own art show, Colleen
    Resolved she would still make the scene;
    Brashly she and friend Mallory
    Posed nude outside the gallery
    Spouting limericks artfully unclean.

    Minutes later, the street was a-buzz
    Someone watching, it seems, called the fuzz;
    Was it because he
    Too was fuzz, or was he
    Not? Still no one knows who he was.

    Col and Mal were led briskly away
    By police; the chief had this to say:
    “Though Colleen is my niece
    Still, she disturbed the peace
    And must learn that nude rhyme does not pay!”

    Back at home and once more fully dressed
    Colleen sculpts underneath house arrest;
    One must suffer for art,
    Still she knows in her heart
    The publicity brought her success!

  27. Brian Allgar says:

    (Aaaarghhh! Where’s Fred Bortz when you need him?)

    Why on earth did I look up ‘allene’?
    It is classed in the group ‘polyene’
    If its atoms are three,
    But with more, tra-la-li,
    It’s a compound that’s called ‘cumulene’.

  28. Judith Block says:

    On me, be assured you can lean,
    I’m here when times aren’t serene.
    I”ve been there all along.
    I’m loyal and I’m strong.
    I’ll be there through trials unforeseen.

  29. Judith Block says:

    Don’t mess with me- I’m strong and lean,
    If you’re hurtful, you’ll see I’ll be mean.
    I’m tough and I’m strong.
    Don’t dare do me wrong.
    I just want a life that’s serene.

  30. Judith Block says:

    She’s not that curvaceous, she’s lean,
    Her hotness is in there, unseen.
    But if you come and play,
    She’ll lead you astray;
    You’ll go off like lit kerosene.

  31. Judith Block says:

    Your diet should mostly be green,
    Fish that’s fatty is better than lean.
    Sugar, dairy and wheat
    Are not healthy to eat.
    Wise choices, not really extreme.

  32. Judith Block says:

    The bore’s talking through his chapeau;
    The party is just running slow.
    Say, “I like how you think;
    Got to refill my drink.”
    Then very fast get up and go.

  33. Marty Gerendasy says:

    At the bar I am once more exploring
    Opportunities to wind up scoring.
    It’s the same old routine,
    Not one chick to be seen,
    And the whole thing is getting real boring.

  34. Brian Allgar says:

    Arleen and Celine and Darlene,
    Eileen and Kathleen and Pauline –
    They’re all size eighteen,
    So waddya mean,
    “You only like girls that are lean”?

    (Mad, you will understand that the identity rhymes are essential!)

  35. Suzanne Heymann says:

    To Marty G:

    To hell with the bars, go to church!
    On each pew doth pure virgin doves perch
    Have the time of your life
    (Just don’t pick someone’s wife)
    And my friend, that’s the end of your search!

  36. Dave Johnson says:

    She liked her men lanky and lean;
    A go with a group was her scene.
    She’d yell at the blokes
    And judge all their strokes;
    That coxswain was born to be mean.

  37. Judith Block says:

    She felt that her sex life was boring,
    She moped while he fell asleep, snoring.
    She got a hot lover,
    Great joys to discover!
    She’s beaming now, simply adoring!

  38. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The neighborhood barbecue scene
    Had a quirk to its burger cuisine
    With participants nude
    An announcement ensued:
    “Quarter pounders here all are quite lean!”

    Then I pondered, where is the hygiene?
    Is there soap in the nearby latrine?
    It speaks of a blunder
    If folks have to wonder
    ‘Bout where the cook’s fingers have been.

    He said, “Doesn’t much have to be clean
    It works better than any vaccine
    Immune systems boost
    When more germs are produced”
    After that, I felt queasy, turned green.

    Just ignore me, I won’t intervene
    If you’re sick, don’t cry how I was mean
    And I hope each one learns
    Before any meat burns
    To be all taking turns with sunscreen.

  39. Randy Wagner says:

    Jack Sprat was a pint-sized string bean,
    But his wife couldn’t eat any lean.
    Her weighty demeanor
    When riding his wiener
    Was crushingly elephantine.

  40. Randy Wagner says:

    There once was a tart from Brisbane
    Who had found turning tricks quite mundane.
    All positions explored,
    She remained really bored
    And decided she’d simply abstain.

  41. Tim James says:

    Mrs. Frankenstein, lissome and lean,
    Had as perfect a bod as I’ve seen.
    Husband Vic, from the start,
    Took her hand, stole her heart,
    And her liver, both lungs, and her spleen.

  42. Brian Allgar says:

    I showed her my new trampoline.
    “Shall we give it a spin?” She was keen,
    But I’m hereby renouncing
    A blowjob while bouncing –
    The reason, I’m sure you can glean.

  43. Brian Allgar says:

    (An old joke limericised)

    He was hoping that sex would be nice
    On his wedding-night – ah, paradise!
    But he hadn’t a clue
    As to what he should do,
    So he phoned up his Ma for advice.

    He called her back later. “It’s been
    Quite a worrying night.” “What d’you mean?”
    “Well, I managed the poking,
    But, Ma – now she’s smoking!”
    “I TOLD you to use vaseline!”

  44. Barry Solomons says:

    A Rabbi didn’t want to be seen
    Cooking a recipe from a food magazine,
    It would include prawns and diced pork
    To be tossed with a fork
    Wrapped in bacon, crispy and lean.


    A Rabbi who got sleepy when bored
    Would incur the wrath of the Lord,
    Officiating at the Jewish New Year
    He caused quite a stir,
    Fell asleep in the pulpit and snored.

  45. David Reddekopp says:

    They played “Jump”, and I jumped. What a scene!
    Then “The Twist”, and I twisted. It’s been
    Quite an evening, no doubt
    But I then was thrown out
    When the DJ played “Come on Eileen.”

  46. Ian Graham says:

    I once struck a most happy medium
    At a seance both dull and quite seedy. Um,
    Just after my slap he
    Was rather less happy
    But it did help to lessen the tedium.

  47. Ian Graham says:

    “I’m wedding Jack Spratt,” said Irene.
    “But I’m worried he won’t keep it clean.
    “I think the old bore’ll
    “Want to get oral.
    So I’ve told him I cannot eat lean.”

  48. David Reddekopp says:

    An acrostic, just for fun.

    I’m lazy; it’s rather overt
    No energy will I exert
    Essentially,, null.
    Relaxed, but it’s dull
    To sit here, in essence, inert.

  49. Simon Hollander says:

    On my salary the bank placed a lien
    ‘Cause on defaulted loans they’re not keen
    It’s tough to adjust
    But I’ll do as I must
    As my days go from
    real fat to lean

  50. Kirk Miller says:

    There once was a woman named Jean
    Who had the most dignified mien.
    “I’m addicted to soap,”
    She admitted, “I hope
    With treatment, I soon will come clean.”

  51. Kirk Miller says:

    Home security systems are keen.
    But just think, the term also could mean
    A security ploy
    That the banks can employ.
    I am talking about a home lien.

  52. Grzegorz Gigol says:

    US people ooze love by the fother,
    and say everyone there is their brother.
    But when bored, they resort
    to their national sport,
    which is going and suing each other.

  53. Kirk Miller says:

    In medical school, student tried,
    But boredom could not be denied.
    She passed all her classes,
    So now the young lass is
    A doctor who’s bored certified.

  54. A man who had developed a lean,
    Put the blame on a lousy cuisine.
    But his breakfast was fine,
    And his dinner, benign—
    It was all of the drinks in between.

  55. Dave Johnson says:

    He invented “Low-energy Jeb”, “Lyin’ Ted” and “Crooked Hillary”…


    Despicable Donald was seen
    Telling the world that he’d lean
    On our allies to pay;
    Or he’ll pave the way
    For Putin to get away clean.

  56. Mary McGarvey says:

    He grew up thinking life’s just a bore.
    He felt trapped in Ennui, with no door
    To a meaningful life,
    Until he met his wife
    Now he KNOWS life’s a bore AND a chore!

  57. Mary McGarvey says:

    His rich uncle got him a job–
    Quite boring, but he earned a few bob.
    Then a chance came up quick
    Now his life’s a picnic
    He learned that the Rich one can rob!

  58. His build was muscly and lean
    As one would liked to have been
    But too late for that
    At 87 and fat
    So all one can do now is dream.

  59. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The sermon was so bloody boring
    That the whole congregation was snoring
    Oh! Then many a volt
    From a big lightning bolt
    Woke them up with a jolt, rain inpouring.

    “The wrath of the Lord hath but spoken!”
    Cried the priest as the flock hath awoken
    “The next time you sleepeth
    The Grim Reaper reapeth
    The fire in hell keepeth a-smokin’!”

    Then a clever young fellow named Dave
    Said, “It’s YOUR job our lost souls to save
    You’ve failed US, so don’t yell
    You’re the one goin’ to hell
    So you just might as well dig your grave.

    “Guilt and fear’s how you slyly control
    And enslave every innocent soul
    You just keep all us sheep
    In a deep kind of sleep
    You old boring big creep, you arsehole!”

    “If that’s true, may the Lord strike me dead!”
    Said the priest as a beam crushed his head
    His phony philosophies
    Lie in theosophy’s
    Self-fulfilled prophecy’s bed.

  60. Kirk Miller says:

    “I need money,” the stripper pined
    “For relief from financial bind.”
    As she gyrates and thrusts,
    Says, “The boredom disgusts,
    ‘Cause it’s always the same old grind.”

  61. Val Fish says:

    The wife, she’s as thin as a bean
    Her sister, not nearly so lean
    For a nice piece of rump
    It’s ‘big sis’ that I’d hump
    Such a shame she’s only fifteen

  62. perry plouff says:

    In politics, Donald is mean,
    Uncouth, unprepared and unclean.
    He’ll ramble and rail
    And declare that you’ll fail,
    No matter which way you might lean.

  63. Fred Bortz says:

    My most liberal friends tend to lean
    To supporting Jill Stein–she’s the Green.
    I protest, “Check the facts.
    They don’t mind anti-vaxx
    And homeopathics are seen

    In their platform. It’s clearly extreme–
    An ideologue’s far leftist dream.”
    Alas, they just pillory
    Both Trumpster and Hillary.
    “They’re equally bad,” they just scream.

    I hope by November, they’ve seen
    The difference –YUUUGE–in between
    The Dem and the Fascist
    And remove from their ass-cist
    Their befuddled, misguided “old bean.”

    (Note, this poem doesn’t mention the Green’s position on Israel, which is tantamount to ending its existence as a Jewish homeland. If you accept that position, don’t raise it with me.)

  64. Ken Gosse says:

    The Haitus That Waitus ~
    I know that my posts have been lean
    Since the last verse of mine that you’ve seen –
    ‘lest you’ve followed Mad’s page
    Which is still quite the rage!
    (Oops! This brown-nosing’s kind of obscene.)

  65. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    First I drove to my job in my car.
    Then I drove from the job to a bar.
    There I drank a cold beer,
    Cleaned some wax from my ear,
    Then went home, which was not all that far.

  66. Fred Bortz says:

    Jack yawns. “I think soccer is boring.
    I prefer to watch games with more scoring.”
    Still Jill feels a thrill
    When the tally’s nil-nil,
    While beside her, her boyfriend is snoring.

  67. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    Sorry, Mad, but would you mind changing the L3 & 4 punctuation to commas? Thanks!

    From MBK: Done.

  68. Tim James says:

    A farmer who’d gotten quite bored
    With his job struck the following chord:
    “I raise squash every year.
    It’s increasingly clear
    I’m about to go out of my gourd!”

  69. Val Fish says:

    This morning’s maths class was really boring
    Fell asleep at my desk, started snoring
    Got sent to the head
    Shamefaced when he said
    You’ve let your class down, Professor Goring

  70. Kirk Miller says:

    The guitar students seemed to be bored,
    Till from teacher’s guitar music poured
    That the kids understood.
    So I guess that you could
    Say guitarist’s new song struck a chord.

  71. Dave Johnson says:

    Despicable Donald has stated
    One part of the job that he hated:
    The details, he fears,
    Would bore him to tears;
    ‘Cause knowledge is so overrated.

  72. Tim James says:

    My neighbor, a gal named Eileen,
    Made a loud and long sexual scene.
    She screamed all through the night
    But stopped cold at first light.
    (I think maybe she broke her machine.)

  73. Kirk Miller says:

    At the oceanfront, there was a horde
    Of young swimmers who showed some discord.
    After surfing for days,
    The specific malaise
    They developed was known as surf-bored.

  74. Dave Johnson says:

    A messiah, most surly and mean,
    Has somehow invaded our scene.
    He rouses the throngs
    With fantasy wrongs
    He’ll fix, so on him we must lean.

    This wreaking ball known as The Donald,
    Is enabled by Ryan/McConnell.
    With insults and slurs,
    He never demurs
    From trashing the party of Ronald.

    His rantings are slapping a lien
    On our nation, simply to glean
    Cheers from a mob;
    No time for the job,
    He’s too busy venting his spleen.

  75. Dave Johnson says:

    Her body was sexy and lean;
    The most beautiful he’d ever seen.
    His eyes could attest
    From her thighs to her chest;
    Or more likely, somewhere in between.

  76. Dave Johnson says:

    Mad – please change line 3 above to “His eyes could attest”

    Thanks, Dave

    (MBK: Done.)

  77. Dave Johnson says:

    Ann Coulter is skinny and mean;
    The fright-wing is where she will lean.
    She torches a room,
    Then hops on her broom
    And cackles while fleeing the scene.

  78. Dave Johnson says:

    “This movie is boring” he said;
    “I’m thinking that it’s time for bed.”
    She realized she might
    Spend the rest of the night
    Just watching him snoring instead.

  79. Dave Johnson says:


    Mad could you please change line 5 of “Ann Coulter” to:

    “And cackles while fleeing the scene.”

    (my stuff needs better seasoning before serving it up…)

    Thanks, Dave

    (MBK: Done.)

  80. Mark Kane says:

    As a teen he was gangly and lean,
    But the Donald’s grown chunky and mean.
    You can tell from his act,
    Which is cruel and sans fact.
    Watch him preen as he’s venting his spleen.

  81. Suzanne Heymann says:

    That chick flick was such a damn bore
    But her date was a-hoping to score
    “Won’t you please hold my head
    And just kiss it,” he said
    So she did (not the one he’d hoped for).

  82. Kirk Miller says:

    Lengthy fairy tales surely are wrong.
    Though the story line may be quite strong,
    When the creatures have roared,
    Little kids will get bored
    ‘Cause they dragon completely too long.

  83. Suzanne Heymann says:

    “Oh Mummy, school’s out, what a bore!”
    “I’ll fix THAT! Now you each get a chore
    Dust and vacuum, do dishes
    Clean rooms, feed the fishes!”
    They never complain anymore.

  84. Suzanne Heymann says:

    I know this may sound kinda mean
    But I can’t stand a guy who’s too lean
    When we hug, I’m just wrangling
    A torso that’s dangling
    And feel like I’m strangling his bean.

    When I stand side by side (what a scene!)
    With my li’l anorexic machine
    Even though I am slim
    I look fatter than him
    So you’ll never see photos onscreen.

    Making love is a stressful routine
    With the sheets, he gets lost in between
    He just seems so damn frail
    When his limbs start to flail
    And he calls me his mean wolverine.

    These skinny guys must have a gene
    That makes them uptight, a bit mean
    They can’t seem to relax
    They should eat healthy snacks
    And cut down on their daily caffeine.

    Scrap the bean pole, the stick figurine
    For a guy with a shoe size eighteen
    A teddy bear clone
    Who’s got meat on each bone
    Who won’t fall when against him I lean.

    He’ll protect me and he’ll intervene
    If a thug comes along unforeseen
    Then my sweet honeycomb
    Will just carry me home
    Where he’ll pamper me just like a queen.

  85. Dave Johnson says:

    The actors are healthy and lean
    In every McDonald’s ad scene.
    Big profits they’d blow
    If they were to show
    Real fans of their fast-food cuisine.

  86. Suzanne Heymann says:

    I’ve friend who’s a model, quite lean
    And her birthday came up on the scene
    So I thought I would bake
    Her a gigantic cake
    Just to help her gain weight, that string bean!

    Now the calorie count was obscene
    (Boy oh boy, I am feeling so mean)
    So eat up, skinny tramp
    You’re the sugar cream champ
    But don’t get any cramps, birthday queen!

  87. Suzanne Heymann says:

    My big weakness, the chocolate praline
    More addictive than drugs, nicotine
    ‘Cause if you stole my treat
    Then your life I’d delete
    As I’d kill for my sweet cocoa bean.

  88. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Said the seal to the little sardine
    “You’re not worth giving chase, you’re too lean!”
    Well, he sure sealed the deal
    As that truth he’d reveal –
    He’d become a shark’s meal in between!

  89. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 258.

    Congratulations to our Limerick-Off Award Winner, the Boredom-Themed Limerick Winner, and to the Honorable Mention winners.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Poor.