A Knack For Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A gal had a notable knack…*

or

A man had a notable knack…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

A Knack For Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A gal had a notable knack
For getting folks right back on track.
She’d force them to focus
No matter their locus,
Though her whack method took them aback.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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92 Responses to “A Knack For Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Cara Holman says:

    A gal had a notable knack
    for putting her back out of whack
    so she took up Tai Chi
    and now she’s pain-free
    and hears nary a crack from her back

  2. A man had a notable knack
    Of leading the girls to the sack.
    It wasn’t his finesse
    That made them undress
    But the fact he was hung like a Yak.

  3. daisy mae simon says:

    A gal had a notable knack
    Acting as if being taken aback
    For instead of her eyes
    Men noticed her size
    As she flaunted what’s called ‘a great stack’

  4. A girl had a notable knack
    Of ending the night on her back.
    “I’ve thought about stopping
    But it pays for the shopping
    And my account is well in the black.”

  5. A man had a notable knack
    Of endlessly praising his Mac.
    When he refused calls to cease
    He was covered in grease
    And dropped off a pier in a sack.

  6. Diane Groothuis says:

    A girl had a notable knack
    Of pushing her nose through a crack
    In the door to be spying
    If hubby was lying
    And how he was hitting the sack.

  7. Pat Hatt says:

    A gal had a notable knack
    For causing young men flack.
    She’d act all silly
    Until out came wee willy
    Now a part the young men lack

  8. John Sardo says:

    A man had a notable knack
    To call ducks with a risible quack
    He fired away
    In the bushes one day
    And sprayed the judge square in the back.

    A man had a notable knack
    To spray ducks with considerable flack
    He got tipsy by noon
    Shot only a loon
    On scotch before noon he’d cut back.

    A gal had a notable knack
    To tease men with her sizable rack
    “Don’t touch,” her voice stern
    Papa’s soon to return
    But I’ll meet you tonight in the shack.

  9. Jim Delaney says:

    A man had a notable knack
    For making his knuckle-joints crack,
    Till he popped (for more thrills)
    Nitroglycerine pills.
    You can tell where he lived: there’s a plaque.

  10. Craig says:

    A sports groupie had quite the knack
    For coaxing large men to the sack.
    She would constantly figger
    How to find someone bigger,
    ‘Til the night that she shacked up with Shaq.

  11. Craig says:

    My friend, you’ve a notable knack
    For making folks take a step back.
    It appears that your breath
    Is a fate worse than death –
    May I gently suggest a Tic Tac®?

  12. Diane Groothuis says:

    A man had a notable knack
    Of always avoiding the flack
    Till one day his wife
    said “You are in strife
    Get out and never come back”

  13. Hansi says:

    A gal had a noticeable knack
    Not to mention a sizable rack
    Those two perky twins
    Brought her many wins
    For which she never came under attack

  14. Veralynne says:

    A gal had a notable knack
    Of licking her lips with a smack
    Men bearing smiles
    Responded from miles
    Each ready to serve her a snack.

  15. Mark Kane says:

    A gal had a notable knack,
    For ruining his mood in the sack.
    Although he would fight it,
    She’d first get him excited,
    Then chill him with her yack attack.

  16. daisy mae simon says:

    A fellow who had a great knack
    For sprouting much hair on his back
    Became nicknamed ‘The Bear’
    Which made him try Nair
    He now loves his new nickname, ‘Bareback’

  17. Veralynne says:

    A guy had a notable knack
    For being called only a hack
    ‘Til he switched from crime,
    Turned to sex just in time
    Now he’s No. 1, in paperback.

  18. Johanna Richmond says:

    Said the man with a notable knack
    For keeping his marriage on track,
    “I keep things legato
    With one simple motto:
    “Divides can be licked in the sack.”

  19. Craig says:

    A guy had a notable knack
    For invention – they called him a quack.
    But Marty McFly
    Became friends with the guy,
    Now he wants his Delorean back.

  20. Johanna Richmond says:

    Dear John, you’ve a notable knack
    For selecting a line of attack
    Based on weaknesses shared
    In good faith while we paired.
    So kiss off — you’ve been given the sack.

  21. A wolf had a notable knack
    For trying to scratch his own back.
    His frantic contortions
    Were lupine distortions
    Amusing the rest of his pack.

  22. kaykuala says:

    A gal had a notable knack
    That KFC plate for a snack
    Forgot her purse
    Hunger and thirst
    Dodged her for some while yet

    Hank

  23. Johanna Richmond says:

    A man had a notable knack
    For stabbing his friends in the back;
    They returned the affront
    (You may think this too blunt)
    With an “Ass of the Year” inscribed plaque.

  24. John Larkin says:

    A gal had a notable knack
    of serving drinks off her rack.
    One day she cried,
    “I feel like I’ve died.
    My serving platform’s gone slack.”

  25. Jannpoet says:

    A Man had a notable knack
    of running and not coming back
    when asked “was he phobic”
    He said slightly aerobic
    And that means I have to change tack

  26. Rachel says:

    Moo Crimes

    A guy had a notable knack
    For stealing himself a milk snack.
    He dressed like a cow
    And crawled out with a wow –
    An udderly simple sneak attack

  27. Fred says:

    A Man had a notable knack
    for stealing his coworkers snacks
    Until a little gal came by
    clearly catching this bully’s eye
    To which she said, sorry, it’s a heart you lack

  28. A gal had a notable knack
    for serving strong words like a snack
    at each time of the day
    let them tumble and sway
    on the sky like a black pirate’s flag

  29. Adura says:

    A gal had a notable knack
    for popping her boobs so whack
    Guys looked and said wow!
    What an unholy cow
    Not getting her in the sack!

  30. Diane Groothuis says:

    A man had a notable knack
    Of eating his lunch off his back
    He said “What the heck
    If I’m cricking my neck
    And the crumbs all get lodged in my crack”.

  31. Mark Megson says:

    A man had a notable knack
    Of getting girls into the sack
    Not romance but a trap
    Chloroform and burlap
    Then he carried them back to his shack

  32. Jannpoet says:

    A Gal had a notable knack
    Of getting her fingers to crack
    The sound was disturbing
    Her fingers were curving
    But jaw was noticeably slack

  33. Jannpoet says:

    A gal had a notable knack
    Of paying her bills she was slack
    When a payment came due
    To America she flew
    To this day she has never come back

  34. Jannpoet says:

    A gal had a notable knack
    For dressing herself up in black
    She said it was slimming
    While her fat was brimming
    And so she continued to snack

  35. Mama Zen says:

    I think that I’m going to start employing the whack method!

  36. scott says:

    A man had a notable knack,
    of cramming the kids in the back,
    of the car for vacation,
    and tie his Dalmatian,
    up on the damned luggage rack.

  37. scott says:

    A man had a notable knack,
    of proving that he was a hack.
    I’m sure many times,
    when Mad read my rhymes,
    she wondered if I’m smoking crack.

  38. Patti says:

    A man had a notable knack,
    Could lift hundreds of pounds at a whack.
    He’d been strong all his life,
    Then he picked up his wife.
    Oof! That’s when he threw out his back.

  39. Rich D says:

    A man had a notable knack
    for slamming down gallons of Jack.
    He smelled like a still
    So when he would chill
    His wife kept on giving him flack

  40. A man with a notable knack
    For making an arch of his back,
    Said, “This feat to enhance
    I once took off my pants,
    But got used as a bicycle rack.”

  41. Diane Groothuis says:

    A girl had a notable knack
    Of looking quite sexy in black
    She showed off her curves
    To dirty old pervs
    And took a few bob out the back.

  42. Versebender says:

    A man had a notable knack
    To keep his hedge fund in the black
    “This old Ponzi scheme
    Is really a dream
    You take but you never give back!”

  43. colonialist says:

    A gal had a notable knack
    For earning her cash on her back,
    But please do not panic –
    She was a mechanic,
    And it was not done in the sack.

    A priest had a notable knack
    For wandering right off the track;
    His sermons so boring
    Had everyone snoring,
    And few of them ever came back.

  44. Craig says:

    As your parents, we know of your knack
    For strange fashion and cut you some slack
    But this has to stop
    You’ve gone over the top
    And your mom wants her underwear back.

  45. Daniel Ari says:

    A man had a notable knack
    for catching fly balls in his crack.
    Though poor with his hands,
    he made many fans
    in center field, facing the back.

  46. Diane Groothuis says:

    A gal had a notable knack
    For collection of quaint bric a brac
    She said “What is this pot?
    It must be a piss pot
    I’ll fill it and send it right back”.

  47. Daniel Ari says:

    A man had a notable knack
    for observing and narrating back.
    Perambulatory,
    he typed up his story
    and wound up as Jack Kerouac.

  48. Rich D says:

    Nell had a notable knack
    for getting herself tied to the track
    Snidely Whiplash
    would leave with the cash
    while Dudley took Nell to the sack.

  49. Daniel Ari says:

    A man had a notable knack
    for inflicting a quick heart attack:
    he’d approach from the rear,
    then yell in your ear,
    and he looked like a fucking sleestak!

  50. Linda Fuller says:

    A man had a notable knack
    for annihilating all his plaque
    he’d brush, floss and rinse
    till the pain made him wince
    but his hygienist gave him no flack

  51. Linda Fuller says:

    A gal had a notable knack
    for raking in dough on her back
    she would no sooner rise
    wipe the sleep from her eyes
    then this jill hit the sack with her jack

  52. Linda Fuller says:

    A gal had a notable knack
    for drawing men’s eyes to her rack
    but when she desired
    to be less admired
    she just up and let ’em go slack

  53. Linda Fuller says:

    A gal had a notable knack
    for stealing her friends’ bric-a-brac
    a knick-knack or treasure
    she’d pilfer at leisure
    and pack it away in her sack

  54. Linda Fuller says:

    A man had a notable knack
    for stirring up trouble and flack
    he picked the wrong brood
    now his antics are viewed
    on YouTube’s “When Gerbils Attack”

  55. Linda Fuller says:

    A man had a notable knack
    for cheesemaking, specially jack
    his Brie though delicious
    made people suspicious
    and somewhat reluctant to snack

  56. Patti says:

    Mad, your limerick speaks to me. I worked for many years as a trainer. One man in a class asked me if I’d ever been a teacher. I told him no, ane he replied, “Oh. My wife was a teacher, and something about you reminds me of her. I think it’s implied whip.” :-)

  57. Bruce Niedt says:

    A gal had a notable knack
    for being real good in the sack,
    but one guy she invited
    could not get excited,
    so she decided to cut him some slack.

  58. Bruce Niedt says:

    A vet had a notable knack
    for nursing sick waterfowl back
    to good health, but some cynic
    said, “Been to his clinic,
    and you know what? I think he’s a quack!”

  59. Rich D says:

    A gal had a notable knack
    for disposing of guys she had fack
    Her bedroom floor
    had a trap door
    The left with a thud and a clack

  60. Linda Fuller says:

    A man had a notable knack
    for whacking his dog on the back
    His dog’s name was Paddy
    (“A smooth bone please, Daddy?”)
    “So here’s a slick snack, Paddy”… whack!

  61. pamela says:

    Hi Mad, thanks for commenting on my final poem of the month. I appreciate it. However, I cannot write limericks, but I enjoy reading them.

    Pamela

  62. scott says:

    A gal had a notable knack,
    for enticing bikers to the sack.
    But her man didn’t care,
    he had his own an affair,
    with a big Washington lumberjack.

  63. brian miller says:

    a man had a notable knack
    fer’ gettin what he wants in the sack
    a little blue pill
    cured his limp ill
    but did nothing for his bad back

  64. A gal had a notable knack
    for saying there’s nothing I lack
    and proving her wrong
    we stole her ding dong
    so she gave us a very firm whack

  65. Granny Smith says:

    A gal had a notable knack
    For finding a potable snack.
    When she went to a shrink
    He advised, “Do not drink.”
    Alas for a lass and a lack!

  66. Linda Fuller says:

    A gal had a notable knack
    for ongoing yakety-yak.
    Her husband at wits’ end
    contracted a hit: “Send
    her poppies, O.D. her on smack.”

  67. Sara McNulty says:

    A gal had a notable knack
    She’d seduce guys and then give them back
    To wives she thought naive
    So she could not believe
    Winding up with a knife in her back.
    ——————————————
    A gal had notable knack
    Into computers, she’d hack
    To get information
    And cause a sensation
    `Til her boasts put the cops on her track.
    —————————————-
    A guy had a notable knack
    When the mob wanted somebody whacked
    But he soon met his match
    And is not a good catch
    For his deck is now missing a Jack.
    ———————————–
    A guy had a notable knack
    for eluding all sidewalk cracks
    He was so superstitious
    `though the threat was fictitious
    Then he slipped and broke his own back.

  68. Manicddaily says:

    All so clever. Here’s mine:

    A gal had a notable knack
    
for getting young men in the sack,
    
it wasn’t her grace
    but her church’s sack race–
    it earned so much they gave her a plaque.

  69. Bruce Niedt says:

    A gal has a notable knack
    to always be on the attack.
    She loves to start quarrels –
    if a guy like Ray Charles,
    she’ll tell him to “Hit the road, Jack!”

  70. Bruce Niedt says:

    Oops: needs editing:

    A gal has a notable knack
    to always be on the attack.
    She loves to start quarrels –
    if a guy likes Ray Charles,
    she’ll tell him to “Hit the road, Jack!”

  71. Diane Groothuis says:

    A pastor had a notable knack
    Of keeping his flock well on track
    But one day he faltered
    His life-style he altered
    Hallelujah he’s not coming back.

  72. patience and the prodigal says:

    From Patience;

    A girl had a notable knack
    of putting her trust in a quack.
    She used roots, herbs and lotions,
    concoctions and potions,
    Now she’s lying quite stiff on her back.

    and The Prodigal;

    Big Mack had a notable knack,
    He perfected a tufted duck’s quack,
    Hiding in the long grass
    Got two slugs up the ass,
    Orange sauce doesn’t go with Big Mac.

  73. RJ Clarken says:

    A dog had a notable knack
    for wanting to go on attack
    since he wasn’t sedated
    when he was up-crated
    and placed on a car’s luggage rack.

  74. Linda Fuller says:

    A gal had a notable knack
    for heaping her clothes in a stack.
    To iron out wrinkles
    she’d moisten with sprinkles
    of watered-down Hennessy yak.

  75. Diane Groothuis says:

    A man had a notable knack
    Conversing each day with a yak
    “Although we’re both mammals
    I don’t talk to camels
    I’m with you to have a good yak”

  76. Linda Fuller says:

    A man had a notable knack
    for racing his hot Cadillac.
    But drinking and driving
    do not lead to thriving
    and now his poor wife must wear black.

    OK, it’s official – I’m addicted.

  77. Linda Fuller says:

    Estelle has a notable knack
    (although she resides in a shack)
    for home decoration
    her proudest creation
    a style she calls ticky-tack.

  78. Granny Smith says:

    A guy had a notable knack
    Finding food for a kid’s luncheon pack.
    He popped corn in a pan
    Duck pâté (from a can) –
    He called his new snack Quacker Jack.

    corrected version with accents

  79. Bruce Niedt says:

    A gal had a notable knack
    for doing her job on her back,
    saying, “I’m on a mission
    to keep this position,
    and besides, I can make lots of jack.”

  80. Linda Fuller says:

    A man had a notable knack
    for laying around on his back
    smoking pot all day long
    while he diddled his schlong
    an activity called the weed whack.

  81. Edmund Conti says:

    A man had a notable knack
    For mounting his buddies bareback
    Until he met Rick
    Who said, “Do your trick.”
    That was an unfortunate crack.

  82. Edmund Conti says:

    A man had a notable knack
    For writing his verse in the sack.
    Well, time spent in bed
    Is better spent, Ed.
    (But never mind all that. I’m back!)

  83. Edmund Conti says:

    A man had a notable knack
    for speaking in Czechoslovak.
    Then out of the blue
    That nation was two
    And now he’s a fork-tongue-ed hack.

  84. Bobby Chandran says:

    Monica Had a notable knack
    Gets guys to expose their pack
    When the Commander in Chief
    Stripped down to his brief
    She got a whole lot of flack

  85. Mark Kane says:

    A gal had a notable knack
    For complaints as she got in the sack,
    “I’m hungry” she cried,
    “For what?” he replied,
    “As you see I’ve provided a snack.”

  86. Bobby Chandran says:

    A girl had a notable knack
    Covering herself with shellac
    As the temperature rose
    Or so the story goes
    Cracks began to appear on her rack

  87. Kathy El-Assal says:

    Winston Churchill displayed quite a knack
    For riposting when under attack:
    “If we’d married,” said she,
    “I’d poison your tea.”
    “I’d drink it,” said he, as comeback.

    A guy with a comical knack
    For making a witty wisecrack
    Dressed in turban and cape,
    For a mystic he’d ape.
    Dear Johnny, we miss your Carnac!

  88. Kathy El-Assal says:

    The Koch brothers have quite a knack
    For taking America back
    To a previous time
    When to vote was a crime
    If you were a woman or black.

  89. Kathy El-Assal says:

    A gal had a notable knack
    For riding unclothed and bareback.
    This lady, Godiva,
    Aroused men’s saliva
    With nipples like chocolate shellac.

  90. A man had a notable knack
    For exposin’ us all to his crack.
    He’d reach for a book
    And we’d all get a look
    At the cleavage that peeks from out back.

  91. A man had a notable knack
    For sending flawed purchases back.
    But it threw me, somewhat
    When he sent back his butt
    And the reason: it had a huge crack.

  92. madkane says:

    Thanks everyone for your fun limericks! This Limerick-Off is officially over.
    And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners:
    Limerick of the Week 60

    But you can still have fun writing limericks, because a new Limerick-Off has already begun: Sun-Tanned Limerick