Limerick Rose (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman was holding a rose…*

or

A woman quite often arose…*

or

A fellow who frequently rows…*

or

A woman reserved sev’ral rows…*

or

A man was involved in some rows…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Rose
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman quite often arose
From a difficult yoga-like pose
And, groaning, would claim:
“That position might maim,
But while in it, I manage to doze.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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100 Responses to “Limerick Rose (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Oh, to doze, how lovely, Madeleine. But not I.

    A woman who often arose
    In a bad mood, then started rows
    With her husband quiet,
    A man on a diet,
    How he lived with her, no one knows.

  2. Jan Michel says:

    A woman was holding a rose
    The last one not eaten by does

    The buck and the fawn
    Took naps on the lawn

    While the woman replanted the rows

  3. Rose LeMort says:

    A woman was holding a rose
    A little too close to her nose
    She sneezed, snuffled, and coughed
    Made all the petals fall off
    And drift to the ground like red snows

  4. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A woman was holding a rose
    Bestowed by a cad in the throes
    Of lust — her lip curled
    His gift with scorn hurled
    In the gutter, to rot (decompose).

  5. z. alexi says:

    A nap within an exercise~~whatta tantalizing twofer!

  6. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A veg grower sowed sev’ral rows
    Of seeds, watered in with the hose
    But nothing did thrive
    Neither lettuce nor chive
    The whole lot got snapped up by the crows.

  7. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A gardener’s tending his rows
    By weeding around what he grows
    He’s also a passion
    For Middle Age fashion
    So he’s there in his doublet, and hoes

  8. Ailsa McKillop says:

    If you are buying a rose
    (Or several thereof, I suppose)
    There’s the set price you pay.
    Why on Valentine’s Day
    Does it soar, and you pay through the nose?

  9. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A catchphrase most chilling arose
    Thomas Harris our collective blood froze
    A psychopath — no emotion!
    Makes his victim use lotion
    Or else she gets doused with the hose.

  10. Ailsa McKillop says:

    “That which we call a rose”
    (Said Juliet, in most famous prose)
    “With new name ’tis meet
    ‘Twould smell just as sweet.”
    (I’ve misquoted, as everyone knows.)

  11. Chris Papa says:

    With Viagra his dingus arose,
    Stayed stiff, like Pinocchio’s nose,
    And, I fear the poor guy,
    Watched hours go by,
    After 4, called the doc, I suppose.

  12. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A fellow who frequently rows
    Builds biceps of iron, and it shows
    But women’s tastes vary
    He may find it contrary
    A big turn-off is muscles like those.

  13. yt cai says:

    Each morning the farmer arose
    To the sounds of cawing crows
    he was feeling forlorn
    about the missing corn
    His forehead now has new furrows

  14. yt cai says:

    With hair now braided in corn rows
    The barber hung out with his bros
    He started a fad
    Business went bad
    When patrons gave up their afros

  15. Juidth H. Block says:

    A woman was holding a rose;
    She thought it a feminine pose.
    Her nose, stuffy as hell,
    Alas, she couldn’t tell
    To stand far from female ginkgoes!

  16. yt cai says:

    The football team lined up in rows
    To take on their tic tac toe foes
    It became a muddle
    Right out of the huddle
    As they forgot their X’s and O’s

  17. John Sardo says:

    A fellow who frequently rows
    Got a hole in a boat wouldn’t close
    The water spritzed in
    So he reached for the gin
    On his toes he’d expose a brilliant red nose.

  18. John Sardo says:

    A woman quite often arose
    With a nose that lit up in strange glows
    Could it be the red wine
    The yellow scotch that was fine
    Or drinking gin from a tin in copious flows.

  19. John Sardo says:

    A woman reserved several rows
    At a game played by tough hockey pros
    It was just her bad luck
    Got smacked by the puck
    With pluck she stuck hose to stop flows from her nose

  20. yt cai says:

    Each day an old maid nympho arose
    To the desires of her sexual woes
    She couldn’t get enough
    Of attempting to stuff
    Her hope chest with French tickle dildos

  21. Edmund Conti says:

    Rose is a rose is a rose
    And that is how that first line goes.
    It isn’t “A rose”
    As everyone knows.
    Or is that too much to suppose?

  22. Pat Hatt says:

    A woman was holding a rose
    And went to strike a pose
    She fell on her ass
    No longer a lass
    as she had a part resembling a hose

  23. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A woman was holding a rose
    Presented by one of her beaus
    His name was Pierre
    And charming Gallic flair
    Added, shall we say, quelquechose …

  24. Mark Kane says:

    A woman was holding a rose,
    Did she get it from one of his foes?
    And her lack of discretion
    Just fed his depression.
    What she did for it, only she knows.

  25. Fred Bortz says:

    In Parliament, members arose
    When Ms. Thatcher appeared with no clothes.
    Methinks you are gleaning
    A crude double meaning
    Which that blush in your cheeks doth expose.

  26. rbasler says:

    A woman is holding a rose,
    In her teeth – we all know the pose
    The art is velure
    What a piece of manure!
    So over the mantel it goes

  27. Sue Dulley says:

    Last week I ate sushi and roes
    At a diner that calls itself Joe’s
    With economy wine
    And I know I’ll be fine
    When they take off this tag from my toes.

  28. Sue Dulley says:

    With fabric, a pale shade of rose,
    She sewed up some curtains and throws.
    They didn’t look smart
    So she took them apart -
    It’s sad when she rips what she sews.

  29. Sue Dulley says:

    “Rose is a rose is a rose
    is a rose” is how that saying goes;
    Four roses, three A’s
    (or 3 each on some days)
    As far’s Wikipedia knows.

  30. Sue Dulley says:

    A rose was arose in the rows
    Of tulips in one of those shows
    Where flowers compete
    But the rose did not meet
    The standards that judges impose.

  31. Sue Dulley says:

    A polar bear quietly rose
    From the ice just before her butt froze
    And said to her cub
    “I’ll go find us some grub,
    Stay here and just go with the floes”.

  32. Sue Dulley says:

    A woman was holding a rose
    In her teeth as she danced on her toes
    And the toes of her guy
    - Not on purpose – so why
    Did they end up exchanging those blows?

  33. Sam Edge says:

    A woman was holding a rose
    a tolken from one of her beaus
    she let out a giggle
    a seductive wiggle
    and jumped right out of her clothes.

  34. Sam Edge says:

    A stripper was holding a rose
    left over from one of her shows
    while shooting some porn
    she got pricked by the thorns
    she’ll never get herpes from those.

  35. Sue Dulley says:

    Fair’s fair, and a rose is a rose
    And you get what you get, heaven knows.
    You only can do
    What you can, this is true.
    Having said what I said, now I’ll close.

  36. Randy Mazie says:

    A woman quite often arose
    In a suitable amorous pose.
    Her husband would greet her,
    “Mi hot senorita!
    One quickie, then I’ll adios.”

    *************************************

    A woman quite often arosé
    Striking an amorous posé”
    José, her esposo
    Would never say, “No.” So
    She’d start everyday with Olé!”

  37. Rich D says:

    A garden laid out all in rows
    had fencing to ward off its’ foes
    Even the rabbit
    who exclaimed “dag nabbit”
    agreed that the restaurant was closed.

  38. Rich D says:

    A sad situation arose
    but not one that he would have chose
    Craig’s poor Batmobile
    had just lost a wheel
    but still made it out to the shows

  39. Rich D says:

    The task is to use the word “rose”
    in limerick form and not prose
    So many have tried
    and none of us died
    although some came close, heaven knows!

  40. z. alexi says:

    Chris Papa–4-hr “heart”-on~~Tres witty & mirthful…my M.D. will adore…Hee, hee.
    ~~~~~
    Sue Dulley–“Rips what she sews”~~The fashion industry relates; cunning, playful & “sew” shrewd…“Go with the floes”~~gentle, quick-witted & savvy. Both inventive, versatile & sly w/their wordplay.

  41. Ira Bloom says:

    My friend and I last year had rows,
    Sev’ral times we came nearly to blows,
    His man Romney, he swore,
    Would show Barack the door.
    Now my friend sits alone eating crows.

  42. When given the prompt word of “rose”
    A fellow was lost in the throes
    Of struggling for rhymes
    He said, “There are times
    It seems I was born to write prose!”

  43. A fellow has planted more rows
    Of the illegal substance he grows
    When the guy takes a toke
    One can tell by the smoke
    He has customers led by the nose.

  44. A woman was holding a rose
    But she also was holding her nose
    Which was scratched by a thorn
    And her gloves had been torn
    And she had a long run in her hose.

  45. A woman assembled in rows
    A dozen well-kitted young beaus.
    She measured their length
    Their stamina and strength,
    Before selecting a couple or so.

  46. Placido DSouza says:

    A fellow who frequently rows
    Proceeds as the river flows
    But when he sees a dream
    Rowing slowly upstream
    He turns and to the winds all caution throws.

  47. A woman was holding a rose
    And the prize that it won in the shows.
    And no-one suspected
    Her success was connected
    With the spot where she buried her beaus.

  48. Placido DSouza says:

    A woman who reserved sev’ral rows
    So that no one would tread on her toes.
    But a guy she fancied
    Made her heart bleed
    When to get alongside the aisle he chose.

  49. Placido DSouza says:

    A woman quite often arose,
    And being one of the yoga pros,
    Begins the day with exercise,
    While still in bed she lies,
    Starts touching to her knees, her nose.

  50. Placido DSouza says:

    I submitted three limericks, but they don’t figure in the list above. Why? What am I doing wrong?

  51. Placido DSouza says:

    Sorry, two have since appeared!

  52. Tom Harris says:

    The gentleman always arose
    For old ladies, young chicks and hoes.
    A man well-mannered,
    He got the dames hammered.
    Then he talked them out of their clothes.

  53. Fred Bortz says:

    From “The Vacuum,” the cosmos arose,
    As every good physicist knows.
    I’d explain in this verse,
    But the form is too terse.
    The Big Bang requires Big Prose.

  54. Sue Dulley says:

    There once was a girl named Rose Rose
    In “The Cider House Rules” and it shows
    How John Irving plays games
    With his characters’ names
    Which must mean something deep, I suppose.

  55. Sue Dulley says:

    A wine taster once wore a rose
    In his jacket lapel, ‘neath his nose
    But the rose couldn’t stay,
    It obscured the bouquet
    Of those pinots grigios and merlots.

  56. Mama Zen says:

    That sounds like me doing yoga!

  57. Rosanna says:

    A woman was holding a rose,
    that she held up to her nose.
    She was unaware there was a bee
    That was looking for honey,
    And it bit her nose as she smelled the rose.

  58. One morning, a woman named Rose
    Discovered her jeans wouldn’t close;
    “God couldn’t provide
    Me with beauty,” she cried,
    “Nor with fragrance — it’s ROSE HIPS he chose.”

  59. scott says:

    A woman was poked by a rose,
    and sent into orgasmic throes.
    If one little prick,
    can do such a trick,
    there’s hope for me too, I suppose.

  60. THE INEVITABLE DICK JOKE (sigh)

    My belovèd is much like a rose.
    For her beautiful face, you’ll suppose,
    Or her delicate scent?
    No. That’s not what I meant:
    She just can’t get enough of my hose…

  61. Rose planted her roses in rows
    Her garden to fully enclose.
    Rose’s rosey rows rose,
    And now nobody knows
    When she goes through the rows with her beaux.

  62. I brought my wife one perfect rose…
    She gave me a punch in the nose.
    And the rose? Where she stuck it,
    it hurts to unpluck it
    (I must tell my mistress — SHE KNOWS!).

  63. OK, that last line was an identity rather than a rhyme. Back to the drawing board.

  64. TAKE 2:
    I brought my wife one perfect rose…
    My advances she greeted with blows.
    And the rose? Where she stuck it,
    it hurts to unpluck it
    (I must tell my mistress — SHE KNOWS!).

  65. A rogue Irishman got in rows,
    Sipping beer in between all the blows.
    If he spilled it look out
    For his punch packed some clout.
    “Saints preserve us, beers wasted on toes!”

  66. A lawyer gets in all sorts of rows.
    It’s his job and with each his fee grows.
    “Oh you fell? Then we’ll sue!
    Get the monies we’re due.
    Half for you, half for me.” His greed shows.

  67. “A proboscis, or rather large nose
    Is an asset sir, everyone knows.”
    Said the elephant gray
    To the man who would pay.
    “Fifty quid and we’ll move ALL of those.”

  68. He offered his girlfriend a rose,
    And dropped to one knee to propose.
    But the whole thing went wrong
    When he burst into song –
    Please, leave that sort of thing to the pros.

  69. A pimp lined his hoes up in rows.
    On the left side the blondes got all bows.
    Brunettes right, they got bells
    ‘Til a jealous blonde yells,
    “Bells are more fun, now switch, we want those!”

  70. The time has now come, I suppose,
    To winnow the “rows” from the “rows”.
    If you stand in a /RO/
    You’ll get into the show;
    In a /RAU/, you’ll get punched in the nose.

  71. Ms. Lee called herself Gypsy Rose,
    But that’s not the first stage-name she chose.
    Still, it’s shorter and pithier
    Than “Gypsy Forsythia”,
    Or “Gypsy Nasturtium”, Lord knows.

  72. Claudia says:

    ha – dozing off while in a yoga position…doesn’t sound bad to me at all…smiles

  73. Jesse Levy says:

    A woman was holding a rose
    between her lip and her nose
    A thorn made a gash
    She then got a rash
    ‘ least her mustache there no longer grows.

  74. Carolyn Henly says:

    As one body the audience rose
    To applaud this year’s new Broadway shows.
    For these wild crowd salutes,
    Top award: Kinky Boots,
    Which just shows us that Anything Goes!

  75. Tim James says:

    A woman quite often arose
    In wrath at her sisters and bros.
    They arranged her blind dates
    With prospective soul mates.
    So her life was all butt-ins and beaux.

  76. A woman was holding a rose
    A surprise for one of her beaus
    But she got the surprise
    When her beau did arise
    From a nooner with her cousin’s toes

  77. A woman quite often arose
    From bed with her throat shut tight close
    And gasping would shout
    What is this all about
    As her husband smiled in a feigned doze

  78. A fellow who frequently rows
    Shouted, I like sound of bellows
    Since I can’t get hands on one
    Might as well have some good fun
    Cleaning my ears and the air as I blows

  79. A woman reserved sev’ral rows
    For friends at her kids dancing shows
    Was quite red in the face
    Guarding all of this space
    She slunk out before house lights arose

  80. A man was involved in some rows
    Involving some pink and white bows
    Police were called to the scene
    He maintained he had been
    Trying a line of optional clothes

  81. Craig says:

    O limerick muse, wherefore art thou?

    A strange situation arose
    To my friends here, the question I’ll pose:
    I wrote lim’ricks a lot
    But of late, i got squat.
    Where they went to , ain’t nobody knows.

  82. Diane Groothuis says:

    A woman reserved several rows
    At the ballet -(one of Moscows)
    But during “Nutcracker”
    Someone called “You’re a wacker
    You really must keep on your toes”

  83. yt cai says:

    Daphne was Queen of the Rhos
    Pledged only to be Apollo’s
    she offered her Phi
    he wanted her Chi
    Had an Omicron like nobody knows

  84. Diane Groothuis says:

    A fireman holding his “rose”
    Was working in weather that froze
    He made a big goof
    And slipped off the roof
    Saying “Damn it I’ve laddered my hose”.

  85. Sue Dulley says:

    Barb Streisand’s song “Second Hand Rose”
    Is great inspiration for those
    Who humbly aspire
    To “Thriftiest Buyer”
    Forgoing those Fashion Week shows.

  86. Sue Dulley says:

    A farmer once witnessed some rows
    With loud mooing from quite a few cows.
    They’d line up in rows
    In a bellicose pose
    Not quite snout-to-nose with the sows.

  87. Dean Geier says:

    Fifteen years since I married my “rose”-
    Nineteen since I thought to propose.
    The engagement was long-
    But we’re still going strong.
    I love you and hope that it shows!

    –For Kristi, the woman I married July 18, 1998

  88. John Peter Larkin says:

    A woman quite often arose
    from a night of uneasy repose.
    But, up to the task,
    she now wears a mask
    which allows her to breathe through her nose.

  89. Ailsa McKillop says:

    From the peculiar charm that’s Heathrow’s
    Through that “green, pleasant land” our Sue goes –
    The place of her birth!
    We will miss the sweet mirth
    Of her verse till her trip’s at a close.

  90. Kirk Miller says:

    In her garden, some flowers arose.
    Seeds were sowed in straight lines, so she knows
    By growing nice and straight
    She’s able to create
    A nice flowering garden in rose.

  91. Johanna Richmond says:

    Magnificently, he arose,
    He’s a Greek god right down to his toes…
    His serpent allures;
    To say he endures
    Is to liken the phoenix to crows.

    I look up — in his teeth there’s a rose;
    What he holds in his hand damn near glows;
    Let me die by this stake…
    Crap, that’s Ralph: “You awake?
    I don’t know where this old flashlight goes.”

  92. Kirk Miller says:

    Willie spotted the gal and arose.
    She was wearing the sexiest clothes.
    Willie’s in the man’s pants.
    When she ogled askance,
    She could see him stand up, I suppose.

  93. Bill Klein says:

    The man’s passion had suddenly rose
    As his girl got a grip on his hose
    When she hit the right spot
    He went off like a shot
    Prematurely, but that’s how it goes…

    His girlfriend then suddenly rose
    Quite miffed with his early dispose
    She moved ‘round the bed
    And positioned his head
    So that he’d have to breathe through his nose…

    At last from the bed they both rose
    Their bods sporting satisfied glows
    And thus is the moral:
    You must practice your oral
    For emergencies just such as those

  94. Dr. Goose says:

    A fellow was holding a rose
    And a ring and some well-rehearsed prose,
    Which is how to romance ‘er
    And garner the answer
    You want when you dare to propose.

  95. Dr. Goose says:

    A woman is holding a rose
    As her sense of anxiety grows -
    A suspenseful technique
    They use ev’ry week
    On all of those Bachelorette shows.

  96. Dr. Goose says:

    “However you call it, a rose
    Is equally sweet to the nose” –
    So Juliet viewed
    The poisonous feud
    Of her family and poor Romeo’s.

  97. Dr. Goose says:

    Over Egypt a ruler arose
    Who didn’t know Joe and his bros,
    And nurtured a dream
    Of a pyramid scheme
    Until he was foiled by Mose’.

  98. Dr. Goose says:

    Quite often the columns and rows
    Of a spreadsheet will tend to enclose
    A critical cell
    That doesn’t Excel
    As much as the name would suppose.

  99. Dr. Goose says:

    That lady named Tokyo Rose
    Tormented our poor GI Joes,
    Who, during the action,
    Would have the distraction
    Of wishing her out of her clothes.

  100. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, the Limerick Saga Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 118.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limericks By The Pound.