Limerick Quest (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was off on a quest…*
or
A woman was off on a quest…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Quest
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was off on a quest
To beat his old personal best.
His skill wasn’t taxing—
In fact it’s relaxing.
His new record? A four-week long rest.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
UPDATE: August 15th is National Relaxation Day.
Tags: August Holidays, Challenges Humor, Competition Limerick, Life Goals, Limerick Contest, National Relaxation Day, Personal Best Limerick, Poetry & Prompts, Relaxation Humor, Writing Prompts
A fellow was off on a quest
He headed North by Northwest
He met a bewhiskered magician
Who asked “Son, what’s your mission?”
Said he “To get a good rest!”
A fellow was off on a quest
To show off his vigor and zest
He hiked and he biked
And did all that he liked
To prove that his strength passed the test.
A fellow set off on a quest
to slay dragons with fervour and zest
But all he could find
was a small golden hind
so he went home rather depressed.
A fellow was off on a quest
To score an A+ on his test.
So he read Robin Hood
But it did little good,
For his test was in math, so he guessed.
A fellow was off on a quest
To find a young lady, undressed.
As his opening line
Was “Your place or mine?”
The ladies were far from impressed.
A woman was off on a quest
For a man who, at her behest,
Would dentally undress her
Sensually caress her,
And…you’ll have to imagine the rest.
A woman was off on a quest
To bounce down the street on one breast
If you do it like that
Your boobs will be flat
And you won’t be too good on the nest.
A fellow was off on a quest
To grow a few hairs on his chest.
He couldn’t be blamed,
For he felt so ashamed
That no bristles stuck out through his vest.
A fellow was off on a quest,
For the best food in all Budapest
His wife said, “Eureka!
“Such tasty paprika!”
Her husband said, “Shirley, you jest…”
A woman was off on a quest
To fulfill her lover’s request
She danced in the nude
Said how’s that look, dude
He then bedded her down with new zest.
A fellow was off on a quest
For a spotted pink owl’s nest
I’ve seen this pink bird
After downing a third
Martini and feeling quite blessed.
A fellow was off on a quest
To find some good food to digest
Oysters and flake,
Followed by steak
With champers–but only the best!
A fellow was off on a quest
To find a bullet-proof vest
He asked for direction
To seek is protection
And hoped his quest would be blessed.
A fellow was off on a quest
To rid himself of an annoying house guest.
Nothing seemed to work,
So he said with a smirk
This gun will kill that mouse pest
a fellow was off on a quest
followed by his trusty young pest
he felt kind of bored
so he pulled out a sword
then with windmills attempted to wrest
don quixote limerick
A woman was off on a quest,
to put office rumors to rest.
“I was showing the Boss,
the right way to floss,
and that stuff on my lips was just Crest.”
A fellow was off on a quest
Of finding the most shapely chest.
His employer was Playboy.
He used that as his ploy,
For pimping girls out as Hef’s guest.
A fellow was off on a quest
(He really was trying his best)
He fell off his horse,
Got back on, of course,
But from then on, his quest, it went west.*
* go west
A fellow was off on a quest
To find gold in the wild, wild west
Ending up making clothes
HE got the gold, Heaven knows!
Levi Strauss’s jeans STILL are the best.
A woman had been off on a quest:
Was the meat or the motion the best?
After many years of seeking
She found herself peaking!
Love and chemistry bested the rest.
Of course, that faded with time
Life became one of rhythm and rhyme
But they peaked like the ocean
And learned that the motion
Though slower, still makes the bells chime.
A fellow was off on a quest
to find a button for his vest
He tried many kinds
but none of his finds
could cover the fat ‘neath his chest.
A woman was off on a quest
to purchase a much bigger chest
But boobs cost a lot
so she thought what she’s got
will just have to B her best.
A fellow was off on a quest.
He set out initially all in jest
But he was threatened
He would be fattened
And devoured at his own behest
Hank
a fellow was off on a quest
which turned out to be quite the jest
his love lied
with coined eyes
but was really just taking a rest
A woman was off on a quest
After years of being quite repressed
She was thrilled to discover
Am electronic lover
Her G-spot mechanically pressed
“Oh GOD,” she screamed, sounding possessed
“Been too long,” she readily confessed
She then couldn’t be stopped
Kept on coming, then dropped
Died smiling of cardiac arrest
A woman was off on a quest
To give her poor backbone a rest.
Got her 36-Es
Sculpted into pert Cs
And said, “Glad I got THAT off my chest.”
A woman was off on a quest
To protect everything she possessed.
Should she put it in stock?
In a safe with a lock?
Or would under her mattress be best?
A fellow was off on a quest –
his gender to put to the test.
He was after a sex
that was rated XX,
and I think we can all guess the rest!
I cheated on this one. It’s one of my HIMericks.*
Lorena Bobbit
was a hobbit
about 59 inches tall.
If I had a bobbit,
she’d probably rob it,
and then I’d be 2 inches tall!
*{see here.}
A fellow was off on a quest
which his friends said was only a jest.
He was failing at school
and looked quite the fool,
with pants that had never been pressed.
A fellow was off on a quest
to ID his favorite pest
As he’d determine
the number one vermin
his lab rats had eaten the test
A lady was off on a quest
To play oboe atop Everest:
“High point of career :),
But lacked atmosphere :(”
In her blog, our gal later confessed. ;)
A fellow set off on a quest
to stop himself feeling depressed,
so he broke every rule
and acted the fool,
for humour, he found, worked the best.
A women was off on a quest
to find a new husband with zest
her man was so lazy
he was driving her crazy
so she has shot through and gone west.
A woman was off on a quest
For a knight to come feather her nest.
Thought she’d found her brave Lance,
But he put her askance
With, “M’lady, I kiss only in jest.”
A woman was off on a quest
‘Cos she wanted no less than the best.
Someone wealthy and strong
who would do her no wrong
but would add, to her life, extra zest.
A fellow was off on a quest
As he tucked in his unruly vest,
To meet a fair maid
So that he could get laid
Then he’d get a tattoo on his chest
LOL… I’ll have to think about it and come back if I have one :)
A fellow was off on a quest,
to formulate civil unrest.
And if Chicken-Hawk Ted,
would rather be dead,
then I’d like to wish him my best.
A fellow was off on a quest
to show off his best
Thought he’d met his match
but didn’t quite get the catch
So he became the conquest
A woman was off on a quest
To sweep the entire Northwest.
Armed with dustpan and broom,
She cleaned up her room
Then decided to wait on the rest.
Rest makes for an excellent quest, particularly if seeking to beat a record. :)
Now, there’s a quest I’d like to try!
A fellow was off on a quest,
Of making his chili the best.
Sampling batch after batch,
Till he fired that match.
Now he’s resting as Saint Peter’s guest.
A fellow was off on a quest,
Of bedding this gal with his fest.
She said “Pizza and Beer
Won’t cut it my dear,
I’m sorry but surely you jest!”
My woman is off on a quest,
to make her fried chicken the best.
She has really progressed,
and at your behest,
I’ll promise to keep you a breast.
from Patience:
A woman, off on a quest
aranged massive implants for her chest,
She said, “It adds vigour
and form to the figure
but it costs fifty bucks for a vest”
and the Prodigal:
A fellow was off on a quest
for his member just wasn’t the best
He committed a sin
with a large rolling pin
Now it stretches half way to the West.
smiles…a four week long rest doesn’t sound bad at all…
A fellow was off on a quest
to free all the poor and oppressed
He started on Sunday
and finished on Monday
saying ‘In some things, surrender is best.’
I love your limericks….I always smile from reading them
A woman was off on a quest
To find Sasquatch, so she traveled west
But the beast spied her first
And he slaked a long thirst.
She says furry young babies are best.
A fellow was off on a quest
To show he’s folks’ cleverest guest,
But he’s failing; these days
He is shunned at soirees —
He’s a limericist, an’ a pest.
A fellow was on a quest
with a rose stuffed in his vest
beside him she took a seat
so scared, that rose he’d eat
repeating, thorns are quite the pest
A fellow was off on a quest
To give his libido a test
So he took on a bunch
Of ladies who lunch
But all he wants now is some rest
A fellow was off on a quest
to see how much he’s digest
A few hundred wings
and assorted food things
he learned he should burp to the west
A fellow was off on a quest
His assets he chose to divest
He achieved moral parity
by funding a charity
that sponsored a porno film fest
A lady was off on a quest
to disguise how she looked when undressed
an old burlap bag
couldn’t hide all the sag
Turning the lights off worked best.
A fellow was off on a quest
to enhance his long-balded nest.
It struck him one day
to craft a toupee
completely of fur from his chest.
A fellow was off on a quest
Of finding that lost treasure chest.
After endlessly striving,
And years of deep diving,
He’s found “Google Maps” may work best.
A fellow has ended his quest.
He found her, consider him blessed.
She was known far and wide,
With all that implied,
As the fastest tongue in the West.
A fellow was off on a quest
To Legionnaire like Beau Geste;
Sand got up his nose,
Stuck in between toes,
And into his pants and his vest.
A fellow was off on a quest –
To find Holy Grail was obsessed;
His search for the Grail
Wound up in a fail,
And he became very depressed.
A fellow was off on a quest
To find him a little love-nest,
The nest got some eggs,
And now all he begs
Is simply one full night of rest.
OK, OK, I’ll stop now!
Puh-lease put a comma after ‘nose’!
Among many good ones, I particularly enjoyed those of David McCormick (hee hee at high point and lacking atmosphere!) and Brendon Beary.
A woman was off on a quest
For her ancestors. She was obsessed
With her wish to be seen
As descendant of queen.
Whom she found were all housemaids at best.
Young Eydie was off on a quest
to star in a movie. She guessed
from her bit role she’d take
the spotlight, but heartbreak
laid Eydie, the extra, to rest.
A writer was off on a quest
‘Cause he knew Mad chose only the best
The challenge for him
Was to write the one lim
That did NOT include “breast” or “undressed.”
A big-breasted gal had a quest:
To, in lieu of a bra, wear a vest.
But the cargo unloaded
As buttons exploded,
Surprising her dinner date guest.
A fellow was off on a quest
to stop always acting depressed.
When he heard his wife say,
“You seem surly today.”
He came back at her: “Surly? You jest!”
Topical theme over here in the UK just now …
An Olympic tout, on a quest
For illegal tickets, professed
That he’d scammed several hundred;
“Where to stash them?” he wondered? …
Errm, would anyone like to suggest?
A surfer was out on a quest,
Trying to ride every crest,
But the sea was too lumpy
And he wasn’t comfy
He found Mother Nature knows best.
already limericked this week so just saying, glad to see you at OpenLinkNight smiles….
A fellow was off on a quest
to find the gold filled pirate’s chest.
Along came a lady,
she was rather shady –
his quest stopped for her golden breast.
A woman was off on a quest
to find a long lost pirate’s chest.
She found that lost booty
And did her sworn duty
Kissed her ex-man’s ass, at his request!
A fellow was off on a quest
Licking stamps for the cards he’d addressed.
Through five hundred he raced
Til he thought to use paste.
“It’s a much better taste,” he confessed.
A fellow was off on a quest,
Of lifting this guilt from his chest.
So he met with the Pope,
“Is there Hope?”, he said “Nope,
Just continue to cheat like the rest.”
A woman was off on a quest
To discern which detergent works best.
I’m not sure what it proves,
But she claims Tide removes
All the stains off the sleeves of her vest.
A fellow was off on a quest
To be P – O – T – U – S (in jest).
So he launched a campaign
But his run was in vain
Steve Colbert is a pain and a pest.
A fellow was off on a quest
to have one of his limericks named “best.”
“Between accented syllable
and my faltering quill nib, I’ll
balk to say which is more stressed.”
Now I’ll have to think of one – just when yours had me so relaxed. K.
A fellow was off on a quest
To discover what restaurants were best.
He read all the blurbs
From the boonies and urbs
Then complained, “It’s too much to digest!”
Richard Diakun A fellow was off on a quest
to catch up on much-needed rest
Up to the top floor
he then locked the door
and proceeded to get unduressed.
( last word is not a typo)
A poor gal was off on a quest
to look like she’d dressed for success(ed)
Some creative clothes
and some new panty hose
He mentor then said, “I’m impressed”
A fellow was off on a quest
To improve cunnilingus skills lest
His bride trade his pipe
For a new phenotype
(The one with two X’s expressed).
A jester was off on a quest
to get to the fair maiden’s nest
He used his fool’s cock
to pick the belt’s lock
and thus the phrase, “surely, you jest”
A fellow was off on a quest…
To the ends of the earth, under-dressed
He said: ‘Though I got grants
For my bonnet and pants
If only I’d thought to invest in a vest.’
A fellow was off on a quest
to discover the best place to rest
A secluded small beach
Seemed just within reach
He arrived as the only guest dressed.
—————————–
A woman was off on a quest
To spend time with friends as their guest
Her stay was cut short
by a police escort
Wanted for murder, she up and confessed.
———————————
A fellow was off on a quest
Panning for gold in the west
He came home empty-handed
To be reprimanded
by his wife who claimed he was obsessed.
Gilligan was off on a quest
The shipwreck gals put to test
He dropped his towel
for dear Mrs.Howell
But Ginger was still ranked the best
A woman was off on a quest
For a guy who stood up to her test.
If he’s funny and cute
And has lots of loot
He needn’t worry about all the rest.
Richard was off on a quest
Recognising the word”unduressed”
Using it normally and
Posting it formally
It’s now in with all of the rest.
A woman was off on a quest,
for he who the stories professed,
would dance upon strings,
and buy her nice things,
for the promise of glimpsing her chest!
A fellow went out on a quest
To have himself amply caressed.
But a naughty young floozy
Who was a real doozy
Stole his wallet and flew from the nest.
A fellow was off on a quest
To conquer the wilds of the west;
While crossing the prairie
He met his friend Mary,
Who said she was not quite impressed.
A fellow was off on a quest
That his parrot be papally blessed;
Said a bishop: “As we see,
This isn’t Asissi;
It’s best you go back to your nest.”
A fellow was off on a quest
For assets in which to invest;
But despite how he planned,
His portfolio and
His investors became quite distressed.
A fellow was mulling a quest
To be more informed than the rest;
He called his wife Joan up,
Who said: “You should bone up,
While also remaining abreast.”
A woman was off on a quest
for a cosmetic surgeon (the best).
“I got breast reduction –
I think they used suction –
it felt good to get that off my chest!”
A woman was off on a quest,
to win a big poets’ contest.
In rhyme, no one beat ‘er,
but she tripped when her meter
used a dactyl and not anapest.
A fellow was off on a quest
For the White House, for which he obsessed;
“Like an Etch-a-Sketch shaking,
Positions I’m taking
May change, if mistakenly guessed.”
Thanks so much everyone for your delightful limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 59.
But don’t worry — you can still have lots of limerick writing fun: I’ve posted a new Limerick-Off here: A Knack For Limericks.
hi, i am a metal artist who have been commissioned to make a pelican for cedars of lebanon state park nature center to celebrate it’s namesake Dixon Merritt who is known for his famous limerick about the ” Pelican “. i have wrote a limerick about the ” Pear ” which i would like to register. how do i go forward with this?
thanks
Dan
Dan, congratulations on your cool “Pelican” commission.
But I’m afraid I don’t understand your question. People don’t usually register individual limericks with the U.S. Copyright Office, if that’s what you’re talking about.