Take A Shot At Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow who’d taken a shot…
or
A woman who’d taken a shot…
Here’s mine:
Take A Shot At Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow who’d taken a shot
At a gal, once his lover, now not,
Missed her heart, hit her arm
And still did her great harm.
Now he sleeps on an old jailhouse cot.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
UPDATE: April 23 is Lover’s Day
Tags: April Holidays, Lover's Day, Odd Holidays, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
A fellow who’d taken a shot
At a noble called Count Bernadotte
Was soon guillotined,
For he’d misdemeaned,
And the populace danced a gavotte.
A fellow who’d taken a shot
Found his drink not what it ought.
Much to his dismay
He refused to pay
So he had another, and that was the caveat.
I am getting addicted to these limericks. How fun. I look forward to writing and reading every week.
Thank you Mad Kane.
How I Did With the Flu Shot
A woman who’d taken a shot
Had to take it with eyes tightly shut
With a sight of a needle
She can’t look and can’t handle
She’s a nurse but valor, she ain’t got.
(That nurse was me. Yes, I am/was a chicken).
A fellow who’d taken a shot
Had clearly forgotten he was a robot
His felt a cold breeze
As his insides started to freeze
Now his museum exhibit is hot
A fellow who’d taken a shot
Took a few more and completely forgot
A promise to his wife
To stay out of strife
And deserved all the nagging he got.
Prague October 16th.
A fellow who’d taken a shot
At impressing a stinking rich snot
For a job shov’ling dung
Had his self-esteem wrung
All for naught – in the end he got squat.
A woman who’d taken a shot
At being the hottest of hot,
Found her boobs gone all saggy,
And her bottom all baggy,
When aging had up with her caught!
A woman who’d taken a shot
After several she’d gotten besot
Never mind she implored
It’s time I got floored
For my wedding today I forgot.
A woman had taken a shot
At stardom, with some one quite hot.
There was action, nonstop,
But the film was a flop,
For alas there was simply no plot.
A woman who’d taken a shot
Of tequila was feeling quite hot.
She swallowed three more,
As men rushed the door.
Her desires were clearly not glatt.
A fellow who’d taken a shot
At a deer in the woods he did spot
The miss he proclaimed was quite narrow
He nevertheless shot a sparrow
But at dinner that eve he ate squat.
A fellow who’d taken a shot
Got off, saying “Oops! Just a swat.”
Yet, Whittington ‘lost face’
Cheney showed no disgrace
What a DICK- Stand him? No, I cannot!
First time poster, here … so I wrote one for both lines =)
A fellow who’d taken a shot
At the dentist, his tooth full of rot,
Found his face quickly numb
As a baboon’s red bum …
And his nose not containing its snot!
A woman who’d taken a shot
Of some brew from a simmering pot
Grew a prehensile tail
And oozed slime like a snail …
T’was a gastropod monkey, begot!
A fellow who’d taken a shot
Started to not feel so hot
He filled a syringe
For a heroin binge
But he must have got a bad lot
He really did not have a “flight”
He got more and more of a fright
For it wasn’t the drug
But the juice of a bug
Now with wings he can’t sleep at night.
Happy Halloween!
A fellow who had taken a shot
Wished he had stop but did not
The liquor was clear
Which he did not fear
Porcelain gods smiled up from the pot
A fellow who’d taken a shot
at being something he was not
turned around in dismay
For this wasn’t his day
For he was not what he was not!
A fellow who’d taken a shot
At his neighbor’s antique flower pot
Got a nasty surprise
For that move-not-so-wise:
Steamin’ St Bernard poop through his slot.
A woman who’d taken a shot
Wished instead that it’d been pot
It certainly was yummy
But not good for her tummy
Her head, her throat or her twat.
A woman who’d taken a shot
From her balcony o’er t’ward the boite
Could never have known
She’d caught the neighbor’s bone
Doin’ a chick–not his wife–on a cot.
A fellow who’d taken a shot
With a chick from the neighborhood boite
Thought a quickie’d be cool
No talkin’ out of school
But his wife’s friend, the photog, did not.
Hello.
I’m just stopping by to say you are the QUEEN of humor!
I always have a good laugh when I visit here.
Thanks for sharing.
Bashful Lady
A woman who’d taken a shot
At seducing a guy she thought hot
Wouldn’t grizzle or pout
When it didn’t work out:
“Is he gay? Seems more likely than not.”
A woman who’d taken a shot
At writing an intricate plot.
Was quickly dissuaded,
When publishers weighed it.
She’d fervidly written A LOT.
A fellow who’d taken a shot
wasn’t ready to get what he got.
How could he have known
his kidneys were blown?
So the drink dropped him dead on the spot.
now that deserves him right…smiles
OMG!!! I’m laughing so hard at these right now, I can’t submit my own or even think of one ’til my ribs stop hurting! (her twat! HAHAHA!)
Thanks for the fun limericks. And please keep them coming!
A woman who’d taken a shot
At a fellow who seemed hot-to-trot,
Told him “Though you are second-rate,
I need you to fecundate.”
“I’d hoped you’d say that,” he quipped, “not.”
A fellow who’d taken a shot
Weed, ice he couldn’t have been bothered
He laid in a stupor
Hoping it was forever
His wife moved in with a young guy as a swop
A fellow who’d taken a shot
At becoming what he was now not
Found that what he was then
Was just the same again
So there’s no thickening of the plot
Hi Madeleine, here are my contributions:
A bishop who had stolen a shot
Of a woman sleeping naked on a cot,
Suddenly got conscientious.
He blamed it all on Mencius
And even blamed his “Canon” on-the-spot.
~ o ~
A sorry fellow who’d taken a shot,
At penile enlargement he thought he ought,
Got a stretch too far,
It stretched to Trafalgar.
And now, how he wishes he did not.
A fellow who’d taken a shot
At the president had clearly forgot
All the people could see him
In the wax work museum
And real guards were soon on the spot
A man who’d taken a shot
at an open Senator’s slot
Got caught in a scandal
involving a sandal
A shoe-in I guess he is not.
A woman who’d taken a shot
dropped dead right on the spot
a little man screamed
since the woman was creamed
after stealing a truck load of pot
A fellow who’d taken a shot
Of Scotch that his clansmen forgot,
While bagpipes were skirling
Had kilt fly up whirling,
To bare the true pride of the Scot.
Revised version. Thanks Mad.
A fellow who’d taken a shot
at an opened up Senator’s slot
Got caught in a scandal
involving a sandal
a shoe-in I guess he is not!
A woman who’d taken a shot
Was drunk more often than not.
She liked to be numb
Even if she acted quite dumb
So unhappy was she with her lot.
A fellow who’d taken a shot
At writing still searched for a plot.
“I am sure I”ll be fine
When I find that first line!”
Do editors wait? They do not!
a man who’d take a shot
couldn’t walk straight t’the lot
his daughter of nine
drove him all a’time
now he is penalized a lot
A fellow who’d taken a shot
He’d thought Jodie Foster was hot
Teamed with Pope John Paul
Decried the Berlin Wall
The victim he lived, Evil Empire not
————
A fellow who’d taken a shot
On a dress seems he left a white spot
He went on TV
Shook his finger did he
Said, “Sex with that woman I’ve had not!”
Marinated Limerick
a fellow who’d taken a shot
went home with a girl he thought hot
she was colder than ice
as she gave him the dice
he bubbles and boils in her pot
Written By: Patricia Sawyer
10-18-2011
A woman had taken a shot
At tying the marital knot.
The groom remained drunk.
The honeymoon stunk.
Hot Sex? No, there wasn’t a lot.
A woman who’d taken a shot
Found her song in the number one slot
Her every refrain
Made it clear who was vain
But the guy wouldn’t stop his gavotte
A woman who’d taken a shot
At catalogs mailed by the lot
Wasn’t fooled by their rave
Of five dollars she’d SAVE
She’d PAY out without saving squat!
A woman who’d taken a shot
At becoming less, well, hot to trot
Wrote a lim’rick each time
She got randy cause rhyme
Effin stoked her cerebral G-spot.
Reversal of Fortune
A woman who’d taken a shot
At her husband for serving her rot
Said, “Get back in the kitchen
Clean up; stop your bitchin’!”
And then gave his rear end a swat.
A fellow who’d taken a shot
Had practiced his shooting a lot.
But he still had no aim
When he shot at his game,
So he ended with naught in his pot.
A woman who’d taken a shot
at tying a figure eight knot
tied herself in a twist
bounding foot to a wrist
with a beautiful silken ascot.
A fellow who’d taken a shot
at dating a girl he should not
got a nasty disease
not to mention some fleas.
Too bad he fell for ‘Honey Pot.’
A fellow who’d taken a shot
at crashing a chi-chi night spot
paid a thou for a drink
and much more for ‘wink-wink.’
The next day? Just a sot with no pot.
A woman who’d taken a shot
on an ‘bona fide’ antique teapot
was duped in a scheme
by a scam artist team.
She was conned to a tea in this plot
A fellow who’d taken a shot
Of what? He’d already forgot!
He knew he’d found trouble
His head was a bubble
His face filled with tears, drool and snot.
He tried to walk back to the john
“Is this a flat floor I walk on?”
It felt like a stair
Or like walking on air
Or as if he were captured in Tron.
As he teetered and gave up his grip
He thought, “Wow! What a beautiful trip!
The music’s in colors and
I can see through my hand…”
And with that he gave Earth the slip.
A woman who’d taken a shot
Excited the men–they were hot!
In the bareback shot game–
Annie Oakley her name–
All came to see what she’s got.
Dressed in buckskin and nuthin,’ you see
A bandana her lone ‘cessory
‘Cept her gunbelt and boots
Ten gallon hat just for hoots
She put bullseyes outta their misery.
One day while atop of her horse
A shot went astray of the course
Wild Bill took a zing
Right across his wild thing
He came out of the hills only by force.
A fellow who’d taken a shot
Then two then ten shed tears so hot
That the whole bar melted
And patrons ran naked
The place turned a tourist hotspot!
A fellow who’d taken a shot
At picking up girls on the spot
Refused to acknowledge
That HE’D been to college –
Not NOW when dumbed-DOWN was so hot!
A fellow had taken a shot
At a nympho he found to be hot.
They repeatedly mated,
She ended up sated,
Cuz he gave just as good as he got.
A fellow who’d taken a shot
Had exposed one more time than he ought;
“Will the client be cross?”
He quaked. Snarled his boss,
“Beside himself, likely as not!”
Thanks so much for your wonderful limericks! This Limerick-Off is officially over, and you can find out who won here: Limerick of the Week 32. But you can still have fun writing limericks by participating in this new Limerick-Off here: Limerick Tale.