Batty Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was going to bat…

or

A woman was going to bat…

Here’s mine:

Batty Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow was going to bat
For a gal who, most thought, was a rat.
He had motives impure
And had plans to ensure
That he got lots of tit for his tat.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!

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60 Responses to “Batty Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. A woman was going to bat
    With a wink and a stylish new hat;
    She charmed all the men
    Again and again,
    From Poughkeepsie clear out to Rabat.

  2. Linkmeister says:

    A fella was going to bat
    But Lo! He wore the wrong hat!
    He was hit by a pitch
    Claimed it was “just a glitch”
    But evermore spoke in tones flat.

  3. Jesse Levy says:

    A fellow was going to bat
    for all of those who are fat
    He said, “Be who you are!”
    “Let no Doc leave a scar.”
    He thought liposuction not where it’s at.

  4. A woman was going to bat,
    wearing a Burberry cravatte.
    From the nearby stands,
    came an outrageous command:
    Exchange the Tits for a Tat!

  5. Well, I just crack myself up.
    I am so easily entertained. I love all these limericks. Thanks for doing this. Even tho’ I don’t always participate, I am always reading ’em.

  6. Mark Kane says:

    A woman was going to bat,
    For some guy who just cared for her twat.
    But his skills were so good,
    with both fingers and wood,
    That she cared not that he’s such a brat.

  7. Rinkly Rimes says:

    A fellow was going to bat
    And the ball was Jemima the cat.
    As she flew through the air
    She screeched ‘Hey! That’s not fair!
    I don’t really want to go ‘Splat!’

  8. Mike says:

    A woman was going to bat
    But fell in the batter box flat!
    With one look to the bench
    She spied out the wench
    Who untied her laces, the brat!

  9. Mike says:

    A fella was going to bat
    But flew in his face, a big gnat!
    In killing the fly
    He took out an eye
    And struck out besides after that!

  10. Pat Hatt says:

    A fellow was going to bat
    But he was passed by a black cat
    He needed a towel
    After releasing his bowel
    Too superstitious, unlike Pat

  11. Veralynne says:

    A fellow was going to bat
    For his gal who’d got into a spat
    What he didn’t expec’
    Was a shiner, by heck!
    He turned and limped home to get flat.

  12. Veralynne says:

    A fellow was going to bat
    It was Brad in Moneyball, in fa’t
    He sailed it over the wall
    (More like bird than ball)
    And he flew over the ol’ home plat.

  13. Deb Bixler says:

    A woman was going to bat
    The first gal in the game was called Pat
    Strike one, strike two and three strikes your out
    That’s when she started to pout!
    The boys said don’t be a brat!

  14. scott says:

    “That he got lot’s of tit for his tat.”

    That, Miss Madeleine, is simply freakin’ brilliant!

  15. scott says:

    A fellow was going to bat
    he adjusted his cup and his hat,
    but the Yankee reliever,
    made him a believer.
    He walked back to the bench and he sat.

  16. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow was going to bat
    For his woman, although she was flat.
    Her breasts–Pure delight,
    All perky and tight.
    What a mouthful, and who needs the fat?

  17. Linda Moss says:

    A fellow was going to bat,
    from nowhere appeared a black cat.
    He threw up his hand,
    tossed the bat in the sand,
    superstition will trick you like that !

  18. hansi says:

    A fellow who was going to bat
    Forgot where he was , so there he sat
    He couldn’t remember
    Whether it was October or November
    But that was that, and where he was at.

    That was probably the worst submission I’ve made yet. But I sure do like the naughtiness of your limerick Mad :)

  19. daisy mae simon says:

    With admiration (and apologies) to Ernest Lawrence Thayer,
    whose original famous verse appeared the San Francisco Examiner,
    June 3rd, 1888

    A fellow was going to bat
    5,000 fans shocked by that!
    ‘Cause the team had been strained
    By runs not attained
    Thus far, their performance fell flat

    Then just when it all seemed too late
    Two players the crowd did inflate
    Flynn made it to first
    Then Blake made the ball burst
    Mighty Casey stepped up to the plate

    He was cleanup– sure thing– number one!
    Casey’s stats bragged of record home runs
    His first swing went amiss
    The crowd started to hiss
    But “Strike two!” made the crowd come undone

    Now the team joined the fans, all did shout
    Casey pounded the plate without doubt
    Bat clenched hard as could be
    ‘Til the ump yelled, “Strike three!”
    Mudville stunned! Mighty Casey’d struck out.

  20. J Sardo says:

    A fellow was going to bat
    For a player who got in a spat.
    He stirred up a raucous
    Said don’t try to fukkus
    And got flipped by the ump tit for tat.

  21. Thom says:

    A fellow was going to bat
    For a woman who sang great Scat
    He swung but he missed
    So the woman just hissed
    He told everyone she sang flat

  22. kaykuala says:

    A woman was going to bat
    Just her own strength she felt
    She got her wish
    Dealt out a dish
    But lo and behold, she smelled a rat

  23. Jesse Levy says:

    A woman was going to bat
    for a local disgraced Democrat.
    He tweeted his junk!
    He’s a punk not a hunk.
    His career? Well now, that’s that.

  24. Johanna Richmond says:

    A fellow was going to bat
    For a woman who loved to sing scat;
    He had no other choice
    Cause her warm, breathy voice
    When it tickled his mike was all that.

  25. A woman was going to bat
    But she wore the wrong team’s hat.
    She scored a run
    But it didn’t count as one,
    For she wore the other team’s hat.

  26. Paula Knarr says:

    A fellow was going to bat
    He stepped to the plate and he spat
    He tapped the base twice
    The ball flew by thrice
    He sulked to the bench and he sat

  27. madkane says:

    Thanks everyone for your kind words and limericks. And please keep them coming …. the limericks, I mean. :)

  28. A fellow was going to bat
    So he donned, for protection, a hat;
    Gloves and shirt, lightly padded;
    Then furtively added
    A cup for his this and his that.

  29. Elisa says:

    A fella was going to bat
    but instead of hitting, he sat
    the ball came fast
    the opposing team cheered
    because the ball, knocked the fella out–flat.

  30. Mark Megson says:

    A fellow was going to bat
    Filled with anger, no diplomat
    The bases were loaded
    His fury exploded
    And hit the ball so hard it went splat

  31. oudiva says:

    A woman was going to bat
    In headgear of flair and eclat.
    She missed every pitch,
    And said, “I’ll be switched!
    I can’t see the ball for my hat!”

  32. Paula Knarr says:

    A woman was going to bat
    For a man she conversed with on Chat
    She wouldn’t believe
    The guy was a sleaze
    Said he’s a bag of chips and all that

  33. scott says:

    A woman was going to bat,
    some bastard for calling her fat.
    She swung hard as hell,
    lost her balance and fell,
    and squished the poor sucker flat.

  34. Ira Bloom says:

    A woman was going to bat
    An eyelash at an aging hep-cat.
    But his suit wasn’t zooty
    Enough for this cutie:
    “Your shoulder’s too flat,” she said, “scat!”

  35. John Wayne Peel says:

    A fellow was going to bat
    when crossing his path was a rat.
    It was pregnant, you see.
    Breeding more rodents, see.
    Twas a case of more tits for tat!

  36. Morning says:

    a woman was going to bat,
    with a cat sitting on her hat,
    She never missed a pitch
    Since the cat was a witch,
    Then she was banned for doing just that.

  37. Bone says:

    A fellow was going to bat
    For a girl who would have babysat
    It turns out the dame
    Was his recent flame
    His wife found out and that was that

  38. Ira Bloom says:

    A woman was going to bat-
    tle the forces that be, in Seat-
    tle. She raised her own meat,
    A delectable treat,
    But they wouldn’t let her eat her cat-

  39. Hahahahaha. Yours is VERY cute! I love the tit for tat ending. :)

  40. Johanna Richmond says:

    A woman was going to bat
    For the man in the tri-cornered hat;
    His slaves were so happy —
    Their work songs so snappy,
    And God ne’er a hurricane spat.

  41. Mary Riker says:

    A fella was going to bat;
    The dude came from a drinking frat.
    He stumbled, by golly.
    Wasted–t’was folly.
    The crowd didn’t think much of that.

  42. A fellow was going to bat
    The pitch was what’s called ‘grapefruit-fat’
    As he headed for second,
    his luck he mis-reckoned –
    He tripped on the base and fell flat.

    (Needless to say, he didn’t get laid that night, either.) Amy
    portrait

  43. Bruce Niedt says:

    A fellow was going to bat
    when the ump declared “I smell a rat!”
    They called “out” the Royals star –
    using too much pine tar.
    Boy, did Mr. Brett flip out at that!

  44. RJ Clarken says:

    A fellow was going to bat
    in a cheat as he played baccarat.
    But the card playing roster
    was all Cosa Nostra
    Now no one knows just where he is at.

  45. RJ Clarken says:

    A fellow was going to bat
    wearing nothing but his striped cravat.
    A pitch came in low.
    (No surprise, I.M.O.)
    but let this be a true caveat.

  46. RJ Clarken says:

    A fellow was going to bat
    with the improbable name of Marat.
    Then a pitch by Corday
    blew this player away.
    Tubthumping was his only stat.

  47. Bruce Niedt says:

    A fellow was going to bat
    for a colleague they called Dr. Pat –
    covered up for his drinking,
    but what was he thinking,
    when he said, “Nurse, a martini – stat!”

  48. Bruce Niedt says:

    Revised version of my first one, and a more accurate description of the event:

    A fellow was going to bat,
    hit a homer, but Ump smelled a rat.
    There was too much pine tar;
    they called “out” the Royals star –
    Mr. Brett really flipped out at that!

  49. Gaia sighs... says:

    Properly Pissed for Going to Bat

    A fellow was going to bat…
    And yes, I’m that fellow, you rat!
    My motives were pure,
    If a bit immature
    And I never was looking for squat!

    You may feel that I am a twit
    Unable to live without tit,
    But that’s just projection
    for fear of rejection –
    You really should clean up your act!

  50. Granny Smith says:

    A fellow was going to bat
    For a law client monstrously fat.
    When she lay down on hubby
    Who was only called tubby
    She mashed him as flat as a slat.

  51. Bruce Niedt says:

    Another revision (Thanks, Mad):

    A fellow was going to bat
    for a colleague they called Dr. Pat –
    covered up for his drinking,
    but what was he thinking,
    when he said, “A martini, nurse – stat!”

  52. Pari says:

    A fellow was going to bat,
    Had a dick that was long as “all that”.
    He rounded each base,
    In a three legged race,
    Then tripped on his balls and fell flat.

  53. Johanna Richmond says:

    A fellow was going to bat
    For a perky, pump-lovin’ pack rat;
    Her footwear collection
    (A shoo-in erection)
    Could heal him in five minutes flat.

  54. Geo. McCalip says:

    A fellow was going to bat
    When his coach decided that
    He needed a righty
    To face pitching mighty
    So on the bench our lefty friend sat

  55. Geo. McCalip says:

    A fellow was going to bat
    Hunt under the bridges that
    Housed them in Austin
    But his balance was lost and
    He fell in the river ker-splatt.

  56. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for your delightful limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over, and you can find out who won here: Limerick of the Week 29.

    But you can still have some limerick writing fun, because a new Limerick-Off has just begun here: A Limerick Bite.

  57. Granny Smith says:

    I just got home from the wild event called a kinetic race, and found that I had the place of honor this time. Thank you Mad for placing me there, but also for being the person who allows us the fun of the weekly contest. I must say that Pari Cooper’s limerick had me rolling in the aisles, figuratively speaking. All the honorable mentions were really fun

  58. madkane says:

    Granny Smith you’re very welcome. A well deserved win!

  59. brian says:

    ha fab wordd play mad kane…and some really funny ones as i perused the comments…short of time so i will come back and play next week..and just enjoy this one…