Limerick Scenes (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman who often made scenes…*

or

A fellow who often made scenes…*

or

An artist was working on scenes…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Scenes
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman who often made scenes
Liked to gripe about “man and machines.”
She thought gadgets depraved,
And yet bitterly raved:
“My espresso grind isn’t worth beans!”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

90 Responses to “Limerick Scenes (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Charley Simmons says:

    A fellow who often made scenes
    Dining out he complained and was mean.
    He would gripe,rant and rave
    And most badly behave,
    Then go home to a cold can of beans.

  2. Ailsa McKillop says:

    An artist was working on scenes
    Of a set of rare Meissen figurines
    But an in-rushing whippet
    Bumped the table — did tip it!
    The still life was in smithereens …

  3. Ailsa McKillop says:

    An artist was painting on scenes
    For Whom the Bell Chimes now convenes!
    “Was this Hemingway’s work?”
    He enquired; with a smirk
    The producer said “No — Graham Greene’s.”

  4. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A campaigner often made scenes
    Of protest on nitrosamines
    And effects detrimental
    Of mercury (dental)
    And the downside of common vaccines

  5. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A youngster who often made scenes
    On having to eat salad greens
    With bribes was seduced
    Desired results were produced!
    Now she’ll tackle all sorts of cuisines

  6. Ailsa McKillop says:

    An artist was painting some scenes
    Of Siberian peaks and ravines
    At danger he sneered
    Icy cold never feared!
    But he fled when he saw wolverines …

  7. Ailsa McKillop says:

    An artist was working on scenes
    While touring the Balkan demesnes
    He was cheered in one nation
    Called out “Thanks!” in Croatian
    But politely was told “We’re Slovenes.”

  8. yt cai says:

    The Fed has meetings behind the scenes
    Doing much more than counting their beans
    Quantatative easing
    Real saver teasing
    They’ll have your interest by any means

  9. John Sardo says:

    A fellow who often made scenes
    With his wife in a field of ripe beans.
    They engaged in a frolic
    In a place quite bucolic
    On a bed of her shirt and blue jeans.

  10. John Sardo says:

    A woman who often made scenes
    In public removing her jeans.
    She strode down the street
    Was naked complete
    Said this you won’t find in vending machines.

  11. John Sardo says:

    An artist was working on scenes
    In the midst of a field of beans
    When up popped a tart
    Who gave such a start
    She was nude and well out of her teens.

  12. John Sardo says:

    A fellow who often made scenes
    While picking ripe coffee beans
    Saw his wife with full figure
    Tempt an artist with such vigor
    They perked coffee fit for their queens.

  13. yt cai says:

    After thousands of nasty porn scenes
    Johnny Wadd was served with some liens
    thus having gone broke
    some say due to coke
    How ironic from blow hit the skiens

  14. yt cai says:

    Protesters take time making scenes
    Whenever New World Order convenes
    press can’t get the scoop
    on the Bilderberg Group
    Illuminati are vague figurines

  15. Judith H. Block says:

    An artist was working on scenes
    Exotic, and lush and serene.
    She wanted to see them,
    To live and to breathe them;
    Her paintings were from magazines!

  16. JulesPaige says:

    A woman was one to make scenes
    Attempting to stuff herself into jeans
    Was often quite ‘farpotchket’
    As her tush, the mirror would mock it
    Being more over average than *mean

    ‘far-PLOCH-ket’ = messy or overdone
    *mathematical mean = the expected value of a random variable.

    ©JP/davh

  17. Mark Kane says:

    An actress would often do scenes
    With guys who looked best out of jeans.
    But they wouldn’t get far,
    With this hot porno star,
    Until they all had their vaccines.

  18. Fred Bortz says:

    Offered in the spirit that the best limericks should be offensive, even to their creators.

    The macho men played out their scenes
    With swagger and tight bulging jeans,
    But at home they wore skirts
    With pink ruffled shirts.
    Their fans never knew they were queens.

  19. Fred Bortz says:

    Edited on Facebook page:

    ruffled changed to frilly

  20. In those passionate love-making scenes
    They say (in the fan magazines)
    That the vampire’s climax
    In Twilight (on IMAX)
    Was rather too sexy for teens

  21. Dean Deters says:

    A wee lad who often made scenes
    When told he must eat all his greens
    Once he said the wrong thing
    To his room she did fling
    And he stayed there all through his teens.

  22. Dean Deters says:

    An artist is working on scenes
    Where her subjects have glittering sheens
    She tries different angles
    And floodlights she dangles
    But finally their sweat she just cleans.

  23. A woman would often makes scenes
    Promenading without any jeans
    But when she went too far,
    Shedding panties and bra,
    The Governor called the marines.

  24. kaykuala says:

    A woman who often made scenes…
    Could not care for being so mean
    Got her own back
    When was laughed at
    Pity didn’t seem to learn anything

    Hank

  25. Craig says:

    The chemists’ young interns made scenes,
    And threatened to call in the deans,
    For ‘twas not DNA
    He was after the day
    That he tried to get in to their genes.

  26. Pat Hatt says:

    A woman who often made scenes
    Liked to spit in over sized canteens
    One day she was pissed
    The canteen she missed
    hitting a guy right in the beans

  27. Chris Papa says:

    A woman who loved to make scenes,
    A talent she’d learned in her teens,
    Led horny life which
    She shared with some bitch,
    Since guys would reject such routines.

  28. Fred Bortz says:

    The carpenters’ skill make the scenes.
    For theatrical backdrops, they’re deans.
    At hamm’ring they’re best.
    When they’re put to the test,
    They never will pound with the peens.

  29. David Lubar says:

    An artist was working on scenes
    Of sea life and water borne greens.
    When his vision failed,
    His models were scaled,
    And served as still life in tureens.

  30. Claudia says:

    a woman who once made a scene
    while cooking a pot full of beans
    and in her fury she lost
    the cooking spoon in the sauce
    it never re-surfaced, how mean

  31. My father was painting some scenes
    using yellows and blues and greens
    while over his head
    bombs exploded red:
    which he said he just hadn’t seen.

    In memory of Gordon Davies, musician and scenery painter in the Canadian Army Show overseas in WW II.

  32. Mama Zen says:

    That’s too funny!

  33. Kristan Johnson says:

    A man who enjoyed making scenes
    Was a “rock star from Mars” in his dreams,
    All his “tiger blood” quips,
    And his “bi-winning” trips
    Were from ego-maniacal genes.

  34. Fred Bortz says:

    The profilers surveyed the scenes
    Strewn with kidneys, hearts, livers, and spleens.
    They quickly decided
    “This is work Mr. Hyde did.
    Doctor Jekyll might know what it means.

  35. colonialist says:

    A woman who often made scenes
    Had been horribly spoilt in her teens;
    Methinks that if daddy
    More often played baddy,
    He’d've given her ways better means!

    An artist who often made scenes
    Would paint them on flimsiest screens,
    When backdrops were rent
    Cast would then, through the vent,
    Cast aspersions while venting their spleens.

  36. It sure was one heckova scene
    At the party held last Hallowe’en
    The zombie was told
    By Perloo the Bold
    To give back Godiva her spleen.

  37. James Hazelton says:

    A woman who often made scenes
    Blamed her outbursts on tightfitting jeans
    “You’d think a size twenty
    Would cover me plenty
    But I’m busting apart at the seams”

  38. Ira Bloom says:

    A guy who, on K Street, makes scenes,
    Says “The Pentagon shouldn’t count beans!”
    But what makes it far worse,
    On the taxpayers’ purse,
    Is he sits on the House Ways and Means.

  39. Ira Bloom says:

    A fellow who often makes scenes,
    As he drinks, stumbles trips and careens,
    With few inhibitions,
    Makes rude propositions.
    A good thing his wife intervenes.

  40. Lily Strange says:

    An Artist was working on scenes
    While eating a can of beans
    The backdraft caught fire
    Cause his lantern had a loose wire
    Like a rocket he flew over the greens

  41. heidi says:

    The actors, rehearsing their scene
    in the back of the big limousine
    buck naked were caught
    ashamed they were not
    for their method was Ida Lupine’s

  42. Mark Kane says:

    A fellow would make all the scenes,
    Feigning fame and luxuriant means.
    Then he’d talk extra loud,
    Of how well he’s endowed,
    Before taking his bus back to Queens.

  43. Tim James says:

    A fellow would sometimes make scenes
    To get into young women’s jeans.
    He would act like a jerk
    But it often would work.
    His score card could match Charlie Sheen’s.

  44. Diane Groothuis says:

    A Scots woman who liked to make scenes
    When her husband wore trews and not jeans
    Said “If ewe cover ure boday
    In clothes so hors modee
    You’ll only get more eeks and peens”.

  45. brian miller says:

    a fellow who often makes scenes
    when out the door he goes without his jeans
    felt rather daft
    when along came a draft
    and for miles you could hear his screams..

  46. Alan Pagliere says:

    A GI who often made scenes
    Put ex lax in his buddies’ canteens.
    Once recovered, they tried him.
    His NJP list’s first item?
    A month’s duty cleaning latrines. 

  47. John Larkin says:

    An artist was working on scenes
    while his model just putters and preens.
    He said, “You’re no jet-setter
    and you look much better
    when you wear nothing instead of your jeans.”

  48. A fellow who often made scenes
    had a doctor examine his genes.
    The nurses were called –
    while the surgeons were galled
    at the images up on their screens.

    I’m missing the limerick gene. Sorry.

  49. Gerry O'Neill says:

    A woman who often made scenes,
    Was enraged by some porn magazines.
    “It’s not that they’re crude,
    Or oft over-viewed,
    It’s just that they’re beyond my means.”

  50. An artist was one to make scenes
    Painting with brushes he cleans
    His temper would flare
    And people would stare
    Amazed at his daily routines

  51. Edmund Conti says:

    A youngster who liked to make scenes
    Went beserk when she had to eat greens.
    So her kin and her kith
    Who were all surnamed Smith
    Ended up in–just wait–smithereens.

  52. Mark Kane says:

    The director just had to cut scenes,
    And use the most ruthless of means.
    Ninety Minutes is fine,
    After that there’s decline,
    When you’re aiming a movie at teens.

  53. Mark Kane says:

    The producer made sure to add scenes,
    Using craven despicable means,
    To insert the gore,
    And bare skin galore.
    The film’s now on thousands of screens.

  54. Diane Groothuis says:

    Those cyclists were making a scene
    Outside of the “Crown, Rose and Queen”
    “This house of ill-fame
    Is surely to blame
    For the vices and sins that we’ve seen”.

  55. Bob Dvorak says:

    A fellow who often made scenes
    In the buff, to be seen on big screens,
    Can’t act. When a guy
    Out of work asked him why,
    He retorted, “It’s all in the genes.”

  56. John Richter says:

    A gentleman flubbed his only scene,
    his acting skills quite obscene,
    Cuz when playing the role of Jack Bauer
    in a TV series about 24 hours,
    You can’t be a Hollywood Queen!

  57. yt cai says:

    A maid working behind the scenes
    In a skimpy outfit she cleans
    leaned over to vacuum
    left little to assume
    Moved up to Manhattan from Queens

  58. yt cai says:

    MC Hammer practiced dance scenes
    In an old pair of baggy ass jeans
    he danced like a clown
    his pants they fell down
    Exposing this Hammer’s ball peens

  59. I am in awe of your endless creativity in this form!

  60. Tom Harris says:

    A playwright who wrote many scenes
    Of women removing their jeans
    And guys all excited,
    Was quickly indicted
    For waking promiscuous genes.

  61. An actress, who always plays scenes
    Using “Method” (whatever that means),
    Thinks she’s tugging our hearts
    With her overwrought parts…
    But instead, she ends up in our spleens.

  62. A four-year-old liked to make scenes
    When they asked her to finish her beans.
    Did they punish her? No –
    Now she has her own show,
    And she’s featured in trash magazines.

  63. An Irishman likes to make scenes
    While wooing the village colleens.
    But the girls understand
    That his gestures so grand
    Mean there’s nothing at all in his jeans.

  64. Kirk Miller says:

    Film director is shooting some scenes
    Of a scientist altering genes.
    Calvin Klein paid him well
    For his work. Now they sell
    His invention: designer genes.

  65. Diane Groothuis says:

    a woman who always drew scenes
    Drew a tower in Pisa that leans
    A smart young galante
    Said “You have the wrong slant
    You are not on the level I means”

  66. Laurie Macdonald Baker says:

    Jonas Salk made quite a scene
    When he discovered the polio vaccine
    A sign of the times
    Operation “March of Dimes”
    Saving us from disabilities unforeseen.

  67. Tom Harris says:

    A co-ed quite often made scenes
    With professors, classmates and deans.
    She wasn’t real smart,
    But mastered the art
    Of dodging the blame, by all means.

  68. Dr. Goose says:

    This week, when the keyword is “scenes”,
    I wanted to break from routines.
    Each verse I will use
    To throw out some clues;
    Try guessing what each of them means!

  69. Dr. Goose says:

    This silent is loaded with scenes
    Of man in the thrall of machines,
    And the mystical muse
    Who changes the views
    Of a rebel who’s born of great means.

  70. Dr. Goose says:

    This actor was noted for scenes
    Of angst-ridden young men and teens.
    If he had lived long,
    He might have gone on
    To become one of Hollywood’s deans.

  71. Dr. Goose says:

    In this mob movie’s earliest scenes
    The specter of lust intervenes
    With a gangster whose shlong
    Is a few inches long;
    In fact, it may be in the teens.

  72. Dr. Goose says:

    One of the funniest scenes
    To blaze across Hollywood screens
    Ends up with a din
    Like trumpets and wind
    And begins with a pot full of beans.

  73. Dr. Goose says:

    There’s a musical noted for scenes
    Of dancing by killer chorines,
    Who know of a spot
    Where the music is hot,
    And the lyrics are not for preteens.

  74. Dr. Goose says:

    In this movie, two ladies have scenes
    Making one of the world’s great cuisines,
    But the younger one’s thrown
    By Beef Bourguignon,
    And breaks down amid her tureens.

  75. Carolyn Henly says:

    Miss Cucumber, fresh on the scene,
    Dreamed of stardom upon the Big Screen.
    But, alas, Sweet Potato
    And Bright Red Tomato
    Reduced her to just a Has-Bean.

  76. In Bogey films there are some scenes
    Where his shortness of height intervenes
    Like the time that he quipped
    Ingrid let’s change the script
    To a ‘hill’, from a ‘mountain’ of beans

  77. The clothes on the floor are Francine’s
    There’s her bra and her button fly jeans
    The JD on the table
    Is why I’m unable
    To say what I think that it means

  78. A woman who often caused scenes
    In her tube top and Daisy Duke jeans
    Says that as she got older
    The weather got colder
    It’s code, but I know what she means

  79. Sue Dulley says:

    A card player often makes scenes
    Whenever she’s dealt seventeens.
    If she goes for a hit
    It’s always “Oh sh*t’
    When the dealer lays down his two queens.

  80. Sue Dulley says:

    Commuters will sometimes make scenes
    When packed into trains like sardines.
    There’s anticipation
    Of reaching the station
    Escaping from those who ate beans.

  81. Sue Dulley says:

    A youth leader takes in some scenes
    With “her girls”, a small group of young teens.
    She’s known to have stated
    “No, they’re not related,
    Although they all have the same jeans”.

  82. Sue Dulley says:

    A buddhist aspired to play scenes
    In a sitcom much like Charlie Sheen’s.
    The tantrums (or tantra?)
    Would act as a mantra -
    “That’s what Anger Management means.”

  83. Sue Dulley says:

    When soaking in pools or piscines
    Hot springs among cool mountain greens
    The folks who work there
    Don’t care what you wear
    As long as it isn’t your jeans.

  84. Nelderini says:

    Some fellows who often made scenes
    Claimed to argue the ways and the means
    Debt ceiling? They’d whiff
    Likewise fiscal cliff
    Turned out they were just drama queens.

  85. Johanna Richmond says:

    Jane, here are my thoughts on those scenes
    Of the 43rd out of his jeans:
    In that state of undress,
    Does he dare us to guess
    How far right his prized weather vane leans?

    Part megalomania storm,
    And part skill (best described as lukewarm),
    Without props, George, alas,
    As we see in the glass,
    Appears eerily lacking in form.

    With his parents not present to groom,
    And the neocons out of the room,
    And no president’s clothes
    He reflects on his … TOES,
    A great test, we can only assume.

  86. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A fat woman who always made scenes
    Cursed getting into her jeans
    Then finally with a flip
    She did up the zip
    It was then they burst at the seams

  87. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    A fellow who always made scenes
    Was thought to have female genes
    This limp wristed fellow
    Had a handskake like Jello
    A typical trait of some Queens

  88. Don Fitzpatrick says:

    An artist was working on scenes
    Involving nude Models and Queens
    This continual exposure
    Upset his composure
    Causing him to experience wet dreams

  89. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, the Limerick Quiz Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 111

    But don’t worry — you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Hum

  90. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    Crap! I missed the deadline, Mad, but here’s my lim anyway:

    An actor who loved the love scenes
    Was not known to have much in his jeans.
    Might explain why his flicks
    Aren’t good video picks—
    Seems his thing’s only seen on big screens.