Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: MAIN or MANE or MAINE or DOMAIN at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: Feb. 13, 2021 )
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using MAIN or MANE or MAINE or DOMAIN at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to BILLS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best BILLS-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on February 14, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, February 13, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my MAIN/MANE/MAINE/DOMAIN-rhyme limerick:
A wicked young woman from Maine
Had a mane that was dyed “pink champagne.”
Her name was Rosé
“No not ‘Rose,'” she would say
With disdain, being prickly and vain.
And here’s my BILLS-themed limerick:
The hall had a lovely array
Of flowers on fragrant display.
But the bride wasn’t pleased,
“I’m allergic,” she wheezed.
“If I’m dead, don’t expect me to pay.”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Allergy Humor, Allergy Limerick, Bills, Bills Humor, Competition Limerick, Flowers, Hair Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Marriage Limerick, Money & Finance Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Vanity Humor, Wedding Humor, Writing Prompts
I never tell anyone lies.
So this true fact may be a surprise:
If you grew up in Maine,
(And this might sound insane)
You’ve a hank’ring for good whoopie pies.
Maine #2 fact
Believe me, I’m tellin’ you straight.
With this fact, there is sure no debate:
If you grew up in Maine,
(And this might sound insane)
You think Canada’s just one more state.
The lim’rick judge took some strong pills,
Said “your lim’rick’s so sick, – gave me Chills”
I said “ ‘hope you’ll be fine
but that lim’rick’s not mine.
The lines you refer to are Bill’s”
Madeleine would you mind moving the “ from the word Fine to the end of the limerick. I’ve fixed it on my Facebook post but there’s (understandably) no Edit or Delete here. (Imagine the fun we could have sabotaging each other’s masterpieces 😆).
******
Done. :)
We went on a ski trip to Maine.
My friends viewed the lodge with disdain.
To the slopes, they all cried,
It’s so boring inside,
But all I could see was the rain.
I looked at my much tangled mane.
It needed a hand that would tame
those locks ruby red.
I murmured with dread
“But combing would bring so much pain.”
My Fair Lady Redux
The rain that keeps falling in Spain
Stays plainly a pain, in the main.
But Lerner and Loewe
They flooded their show
With showers of pure candy cane.
The Brexiteers moan and complain:
“All these shortages – oh, what a pain!
And the prices shoot up;
They have sold us a pup –
Now I wish I had voted REMAIN!”
Pardon my French
There once was a lobster from Maine
A crustacean that just would not deign
To get in a pot
If it was too hot
And wasn’t pure l’eau de la Seine
“This creature is weirdly designed,
Like a beaver and otter combined,
With a bill like a duck”,
Darwin said. “WTF?
God must have been out of His mind!”
Twitter’s banning is most inhumane;
With his cognisance right down the drain,
Donald can’t understand
Why he’s suddenly banned
After making the land great again.
Two corpuscles, located in Maine,
Who had met on a round trip to Spain,
Had their romance cut short
On the basketball court,
Which suggests that their love was in vein.
Men are driven by that other brain,
Which is why it’s so hard to abstain
From reckless raw lust,
And yet we just must
Come as masters of our own domain.
“By and large, on the whole, in the main—”
“State your case! You will drive me insane.
Make your point! Spit it out –
And if needs be, please shout –
Better that than drone on – or abstain.”
There are so many moose up in Maine,
That the natives have grounds to complain.
Cuz if one hits their cah,
They won’t get real fah.
And should think about taking the train.
In spite of his “very good brain,”
Guess who’s screwing his lawyers again?
“Argue this or you’re done:
The election I won!”
Sorry, Donny, but that’s not germane.
My Senior Building
“Old Biddy Hill” downtown on Main
Is the place where the “seniors” complain.
And year after year,
I always will hear,
“Just who in the hell stole my cane?”.
Buffalo
A city where buffaloes fly
On wings that a chef must first fry?
A city that thrills
To have those big Bills?
They’ll have to get real, bye and bye.
We had salad each night, (very plain)
We were poor, but we’d always sustain.
But boy! was I fraught
On the night that I caught
Mommy binge-eating fancy romaine.
a minor adjustment (L2)
We had salad each night, (very plain)
We were poor, but we had to sustain.
But boy! was I fraught
On the night that I caught
Mommy binge-eating fancy romaine.
“By and large, on the whole, in the main—”
“State your case! You will drive me insane.
Make your point! Spit it out –
And if needs be, please shout
(Better that than drone on) – or abstain.”
(To improve clarity)
Losing hair on my head is a pain.
Very few of the locks now remain.
From a war long ago
Is a slogan we know
That is apt. It’s: Remember The Mane!
It’s true I would like to procure
A drug that will grow my coiffure.
A man used some Rogaine
To restore his thick mane,
A hair-raising story for sure.
The hooker I meet gives me thrills.
She knows all those cool naughty skills.
“Wifey” found my receipt
And screamed, “You’re a cheat!”
So now I pay Lulu in bills.
Sorry – had to do it….
Found a hairdresser in Toledo – Spain
A beautician who works in Bahrain
Hair was coiffed here and there
“Cause I’ve moved everywhere
But my mane’s main domain is in Maine.
This appears not to quite fit your theme
The saga of my favorite team
That still makes me cry
Just ONE ‘fore I die
Buffalo can’t seem to fulfill my dream.
(Go Bills – next year?)
My friend said, “Stop getting your thrills
By taking those illegal pills”
I said, “Hey! I’m tapped-out”
And I started to shout,
“Your opinions do not pay my bills”
T rump has lost his domain.
As his ratings and lies are the bane
Of reason and wit
So Twitter saw fit
To ban his fat ass. What a pain!
My lim’ricks are good in the main.
The thoughts rattle ’round in my brain.
A wicked jab here
And there a foul smear,
But all in a humorous vein.
Three couples love “Fare On The Hill”
After eating, pretend that they’re ill.
Then Bob says, “Oh Heck!
We’re getting our check”
(Also known as “the travelling bill”).
My dinner guests often complain,
My dishes are bland in the main.
I joke “would you like them,
If I were to spike them,
With wine from my fav’rite domain?”
I grew up near Pittsburgh’s steel mills
but church music’s what pays my bills.
For making a living
it’s most unforgiving.
I’ve no other lucrative skills!
We were taking a trip on a plane.
Minutes later, it started to rain.
We heard a big thud.
Then we landed in mud.
My spouse said, “We must be in Maine”.
B6 vitamin health
“Red Potatoes” are well-liked in Maine.
They’re supposed to be good for the brain.
But for ev-er-y meal?
Hey folks! what’s the deal?
That agenda is rather insane.
Mad: above limerick, L5……Can you change….that meal plan is rather insane
to That agenda is rather insane.
Thank you, Lisi
*******
Done.
Single mom of three kids, one needs pills
And for money, I give the men thrills.
Scrounge for food ev’ry day
Keep the landlord at bay
Well, how else will I pay all the bills?
Arnold Strongfellow took up the strain
And exerted himself, might and main.
But try as he might,
The jar lid remained tight,
And his toast remained buttered but plain.
It was said of a patient in Maine
Who was diagnosed wholly insane,
“As a rule, he’s obsessed.
When himself, he’s depressed,
Or historical, now and again.”
A woman residing in Maine
Pounded down half a bottle of grain
‘Cause it gets really old
If you battle the cold
Without antifreeze filling each vein.
It snows all the time in the northland
Then on TV forecasters grandstand
People living in Maine
Must really disdain
“News” of less than six inches … How bland!.
There ONce was a person from Maine
who didn’t know how to explain
why he lived where they throw
out ten feet of snow
whenever Ma Nature ordained.
Have a care when you name your domain.
Careless choice might just lead to disdain.
Neighbours’ hopes won’t transcend
If they read, ‘Frohlich’s End’.
They’ll think, “Don’t even ask. They’ll abstain.”
Inspired by a doctor’s brass plate seen in Dizengoff Street, Tel Aviv.
“Dr Froelich: Sex Therapist”
wintah=winter (in Maine)
There are very long wintahs in Maine.
There is just so much snow, (what a pain)
Cause your roof will cave in.
Yet that’s not such a sin.
Get some duct tape, and then don’t complain.
There’s a nice General Store up in Maine.
It’s got all that you need, I’ll explain:
They sell great pickled eggs,
And real useful kegs,
And of course, shotgun shells, for the pain.
For Hoarders Everywhere!
Here is something that hoarders don’t get.
Which makes them extrem’ly upset.
They say they are skint
Well, here’s a good hint:
Sell all of that crap. Pay your debt.
When lawyers quit cases in main
It’s because the defense is inane
Or the client wants lies
Or won’t pay, though he cries
Trump is guilty of all, I surmise.
Corrected from 1/1/21 11:23 am
It snows all the time in the northland
Then on TV most forecasters grandstand
People living in Maine
Must really disdain
“News” of less than six inches … How bland!.
Watching bills (much like sausage) get made
May be all that it takes to persuade
Folks to roundly reject
The dumb pols they elect
And then send them right back to first grade.
Comment:
My hair has been given free rein
To grow; the result is a mane
That’s unruly and dull,
But it covers my skull.
(I would rather be called plain than called vain.)
This one is better than the one from January 31st. at 12:16 PM
My Senior Building
At “Old Biddy Hill” here on Main,
The senior folks groan and complain.
And year after year,
I undoubtedly hear
“Just who in the hell stole my cane?”.
I won’t pay one more doctor’s bill
I won’t take one more costly pill
I never catch cold,
I’m not yet so old,
But why do I feel a strange chill?
I go to the room which fulfills
All my needs when I’ve got real bad chills.
I can sit there and wail,
And check out my mail.
Which I call my “Past Due Stack ‘O Bills”.
It’s reported of weather in Spain
That the raindrops remain on the plain.
Not entirely, of course,
But, according to source,
It is where they remain in the main.
Wasn’t Audrey lov-er-ly?
It was said of a patient in Maine
Who was diagnosed wholly insane,
“As a rule, he’s depressed.
If not that, then obsessed,
And historical, now and again.”
A minor but necesary improvement.
“My lady of Spain, I adore you!
Please give me your heart, I implore you!
If we wed, I’ll remain.
Spain will be my domain.
If we don’t, they’ll deport, I’ll abhor you.”
I am keen to traverse a new scene,
So I boot up my go-to machine.
The terrain? How ’bout Maine?
I just hope that some train
Of thought helps me reach L.L. Bean.
It’s reported of weather in Spain
That the raindrops remain on the plain.
Not entirely, of course,
But, according to source,
It is where they obtain in the main.
Sorry to be tedious, but I prefer it to the repetition.
I looked this up: clique is actually pronounced “kleek”
I’m the type who is never upset.
And not once have I had a regret.
I’m in a tight clique.
(They call me all week!)
I’m so proud to be deeply in debt
My mansion is surely not plain.
There’s much envy when I entertain.
My designer has planned
A home that’s so grand,
And an out-house as “hubby’s” domain.
To reply to the following previously posted on Jan. 30 at 10:45 am by Sondra Landin:
You should bring your umbrella to Maine
To protect you outside from the rain.
For the skiing go high,
Take a trip to Dubai,
Climate change is the culprit again
I was skiing at Sugarloaf, Maine,
And I totally cannot explain.
It was quite alarming.
There’s no global warming!
But it suddenly started to rain.
Mad: today at 3:19 PM the limerick reads: I’m so proud to be in such vile debt. (L5)
Could you please change that to…..I’m so proud to be deeply in debt
Thank You
Lisi
******
Done.
Well, Moxie’s the choice drink in Maine.
And boy! that stuff sure isn’t plain!
The taste is real crappy.
Yet it makes town folks happy.
Don’t move there unless you are game.
Oops! rhyming error! try again
” Moxie? really? yuk”
Well, Moxie’s the choice drink in Maine.
And boy! that stuff sure isn’t plain!
The taste is real crappy.
Yet it makes town folks happy.
And who knows? It might muddle your brain.
Remember Howdy Doody? Of course you do! Since my mind is rather fuzzy,
I thought it was “Howdy Doody and Buffalo Bill. So I though I would write a limerick about thinking it was Buffalo Bill.
Howdy Doody and Buffalo Bill
Was a show that sure gave me a thrill.
Oh wait! it was Bob!
(I did a bad job)
But I caught it in time, even still.
il
Pedro was a sailor from Spain
And, while quite discrete on the main,
An indecent passion
For bondage and lashin’
Got him keelhauled again and again.
There is a young lady of Maine,
Who likes it both low key and plain.
You can only thrill her
With simple vanilla;
And extra-large portions cause pain.
In Maine girls are plain in the main,
But Maine men don’t feel any pain,
‘cos Maine paper mills
Deliver their thrills ─
Head-sized paper bags take the strain!
An out-of-doors dancer from Maine
Once had a rough time in the rain.
A bad skid in the dance
Left a knot in his pants
And his poor penis purple with pain.
There are two types of forested land;
Where it’s flat it’s been planted by hand.
On rougher terrain,
It’s a virgin domain –
In which no man has planted a stand.
The old plumber piped up, speaking plain,
“All this crap here has blocked up your main.”
So I hired him to break
Up the clog with his snake.
But the thing fell asleep in the drain.
Today, I had very bad chills.
“Wifey” screamed. Shook me up. Took my pills.
Her fury was great.
And she told me out straight:
“Don’t waste all that dough on our bills!”.
Please correct my limerick of Feb. 2. (line 1)
“I was skiing at Sugarloaf, Maine”. (Not Sugarbush! That’s in Vermont.)
Thank you,
Rudy Landesman
********
Done.
They craved some real high grade cocaine
They scored it-surprise!-up in Maine.
They measured and snorted,
But oh were they thwarted,
They’d had better kicks from champagne!
Got our credit card bill, just today.
But something was strange, (I must say)
We were wondering why
The bill was so high.
And why Mexico still didn’t pay.
same idea yet a little different, and perhaps more explicate
Got our credit card bill just today.
But something was strange, I must say.
We invested in land.
50 acres were planned.
But Mexico still didn’t pay.
My friendly reply to Antonio Winspeare
I will keep my umbrella in Maine
And from travel I have to refrain,
But when Covid’s not nigh
I’ll be high in the sky
With my skis to Dubai on a plane!
Hi Mad! Since you’re so generous re: changes and editing, may I ask that you change line 4 of my last-posted limerick to:
I’ll be high in the sky
Thank you, SL
*******
Done. And by the way, that change is a nice addition of internal rhyme.
My proctologist hasn’t much class:
After treatments, he lets no time pass
Before sending his bill.
(Of compassion there’s nil.)
The guy’s just a pain in the ass.
Theological Dilemma
He allows it to rain up in Maine.
So just how can the Good Lord explain,
If He’s good and almighty
And He’s not slightly flighty
Why does evil exist and cause pain?
My experience working at a doctor’s office (pediatric) a little embellished
“It’s the rich ones who don’t pay their bills” “Chutzpah”
This father was what they call trash.
And also ex-trem-ely brash.
We sure were a wreck
When he faxed us a check.
Then out flew a whole pile a’ cash.
Being dutiful: that is my aim.
And not once, have I ever felt shame.
I am never a wreck.
Pay my bills with a check.
Making sure that I don’t sign my name.
On the Highway of Life, I remain,
The sole master of my own domain;
If some fool can’t resist,
A yelled curse, a raised fist,
I wave back at him from the slow lane.
*Yesterday, I wrote a limerick that was very confusing. I will try to do it again
so it will be clear.
“chutzpah”
“You must pay your bill soon, Mr. Trash
You’re delinquent and also real brash”
We sure were a wreck
When he faxed us a check
And 25 copies of cash.
King Lear was quite smart in the main.
He’d never be labeled insane.
But power besotted
Two daughters each plotted
To steadily poison his brain.
Well, Moxie’s the “champagne” of Maine.
It’s got more than one use, I’ll explain:
It’s a soda to drink,
And great in the sink,
For unclogging the beans in their drain.
The prescriptions “doc” writes with much speed
Are abstruse and real unclear, indeed.
But his bills that you get,
Will sure put you in debt.
And those are the ones you can read.
very minor adjustment
The prescriptions “doc” writes with much speed,
Are abstruse and unclear, Yes Indeed!
But his bills that you get,
Will sure put you in debt.
And those are the ones you can read.
Mad: After I read the first one, I noticed that “unclear” is pronounced
unClear, not UNclear, I try to put words in with stress where it should be.
That’s why I changed it. (Well, I try :)
Oops: sorry
In second limerick, can you please change But his bill to…..But his bills
And also delete one of those (Well I try ) I don’t know how the second one got in there.
With much appreciation, Lisi
*****
Done.
Mr. Dunn chases folks on the run;
At his job he is second to none.
He collects unpaid bills
And it gives him great thrills.
Dunn has fun till he’s done with the dun.
a little twist on a previous one!
There’s a great gen’ral store up in Maine.
Yet some of the town folks complain.
Even though it’s terrific,
They sell nothing specific.
It’s a GEN’RAL store; just use your brain.
Allan Sherman wrote home to complain
Camp was hard to endure in the rain
But much worse for Joe Spivey
Who caught poison ivy,
And Skinner, who’s sick with ptomaine.
If under my scraggly mane
There were even a vestige of brain
Then line four you might see / on the same line as three
So this lim’rick would be a quatrain.
A Bill is by no means unique:
It’s a name, or a debt to pay (eek!)
Or it could be a law;
On a bird it’s their jaw
But for that there’s a better word: Beak.
I’m having to sieve and to strain
All the water that goes down my drain.
The plumber is coming
To unblock my plumbing
Next March (normal wait, in the main 😢)
Wonder why, now we can’t entertain
Potluck style – “You bring ‘sides’, I’ll cook ‘main’,
Someone please bring dessert
And some munchies won’t hurt”
Weight’s still harder to lose than to gain?
Theodicy: A Response To Rudy Landesman
Take a look, if you will, at the law –
Deuteronomy’s best – I implore.
Manufacturer’s Guide:
There’s a choice: you decide:
Will you love, or proceed as before?
Love endures, is unfailingly kind.
Never envies, no evil in mind.
Is not prideful, or lewd,
And if injured, won’t brood.
And endures to the end, you will find.
Love considers and limits its aims.
If its aims would do harm, then it tames.
Selfishness, in the main –
Love of power and of gain –
Is the root of all pain. God disclaims.
With the freedom to choose, from the sod
You were made little less than a god. (Psalm 8)
He has told you the score
If you choose to ignore,
Why blame God and get sore? Bear the rod!
He has shown you, oh man, what is good.
What he asks of you and what you should.
To love kindness – a must –
And to always be just,
And walk humbly with God, if you would.
There! The choice is before you, so choose.
Will you choose to obey, or refuse?
Or go on as before,
Lay the blame at God’s door,
Or acknowledge and give Him His dues?
(Second last verse is my paraphrase of Micah 6 vs 8. For me, one of the most beautiful verses in the bible.)
The company’s problem was plain:
How to make a loss look like a gain?
So the numbers were cooked
And the “profits” were booked.
‘Twas a nice feat of ledgerdemain.
The “Queen of all limericks domain ”
Features subjects sublime and insane
Her examples are best
Leading us on our quest
Who else but our lovely Mad Kane
************
Thanks! Now you’ve gone and made me blush. :)
This is a variation on an earlier submission.
My lim’ricks are plain in the main.
The words coalesce in my brain.
With a slap and a sneer,
Or a kick in the rear,
They strike, in a humorous vein!
I once knew a nice farm girl in Maine.
She was seeking a swain, but in vain.
She would grumble and mumble
as she swiped left on Bumble,
“On-line dating is barren terrain!”
debit card or credit card: which is better? answer: credit cards!
This lim’rik is not very funny.
It’s just good advice; listen Honey:
All debit cards stink.
Now just stop and think:
Why buy stuff and use your own money?
Don’t think that I’ll pay bills today.
It’s not such a sin to delay.
I’ve decided to wait.
It’s a real skillful trait.
I’m in debt. (“The American Way”!)
Buffalo
A city where buffaloes fly
With wings that a chef has to fry?
A city that thrills
At having big Bills?
They’ll have to get real, bye and bye.
Hi Ms. Kane,
I just had another senior moment. By mistakeI sent you a limerick that I had already submitted on Jan. 31. (“Buffalo”) However, this second one (I think) is the better one. Please delete the first.
Thanks,
Rudy Landesman
A person from Beverly Hills
Had altered quite often his wills
His heirs were bereft
There was nothing left
The lawyers had padded their bills
Smart phone contracts can be rather steep.
What you pay every month is a heap.
The large bills phones inflict
On us all contradict
The old idiom that talk is cheap.
My travel agent said:
“Well, here’s the gerMaine information.
It’s truly a strange situation:
The winters in Maine
Are truly a pain.
The sun takes a 4 month vacation”.
Bet’cha didn’t know this!
There will be a quite heated debate.
But their facts just will not carry weight.
Though the folks up in Maine,
Might sulk and complain,
Alaska’s the easternmost state.
(heard in on Jeopardy; didn’t believe it. Had to look it up, and it’s true)
“Tubman’s face on a twenty, that pill?”
Whines Donald, splenetic and shrill.
“It shoulda been me!”
And I almost agree –
Put his face on a three-dollar bill.
Trump’s winery is in a plight;
The red wine is always too light.
The reason is plain:
On the whole Trump domain,
The only grapes welcome are white.
(An old one revisited)
Count Dracula pounced on Charmaine,
And she felt in her arm a sharp pain.
“Don’t worry”, he quipped
As he nibbled and sipped,
“I am just in a humerus vein”.
This is another variation on an earlier submission
My lim’ricks, germane in the main
Do tend to give pain, though inane.
With f***ing words here,
And there a Bronx cheer,
They hurt, in a humorous vein.
Today is the day “boss” will bring
My paycheck, I feel like a king!
I can go to the store.
Wow! can’t ask for more!
Cuz I’ve plenty to buy just one thing.
Theodicy Redux
My reply to Tony Holmes
My dear friend, it is easy to see
You have never seen rain when you ski.
You never got wet
And frozen, and yet
You defend that with Theodicy.
That eight letter word you have hurled
Was once by Herr Leibnitz unfurled.
He did gain some fame
With this specious claim:
“Our world is the best poss’ble world”
This nonsense, of course, did not last.
Voltaire would debunk it, but fast.
And who hasn’t seen
“Candide” by Bernstein
On Broadway a few seasons past?
The view you espouse (and that’s plain)
Reflects your own faith, in the main.
Your lim’rical treatise
Tries hard to entreat us
To think love’s a cure to end pain.
Alas, that is simply not so.
Love doesn’t cure cancers that grow,
Nor any disease
A doctor can’t ease.
It doesn’t decrepitude slow.
Theodicy is in the end
Evading the issue, my friend.
As much as it tries
Humanity cries,
And Evil, I fear, will not bend
In my post too much marketing swill,
Left me numb, unresponsive until,
One day checking my mail,
I could hear myself wail,
“Oh good grief, what relief! It’s a bill!”
When you drive and get lost, you pursue
Some way for the ride to be through.
I got baffled in Maine.
And I just went insane,
When my GPS said, “got no clue”
You may hear me loudly complain
If you don’t let me win at this game
‘Cos I’ll jut out my chin
And add extra spin
While I write in my Twitter domain
Way up upon Blueberry Hill,
A man known as “Fats” got a thrill.
But the vows this girl made
Were quickly betrayed.
(Fats got stuck with the darn wedding bill).
A Response To Rudy’s Redux
I can tell from your reasoned reply,
You are clearly much wiser than I.
You quote Leibnitz, Voltaire,
Mit out turning ein Herr
And then blithely ignore the big, “Why?”
Sorry, Rudy, I couldn’t resist –
I’ve administered slap upon wrist.
It is clear, in the main,
You’re hung up on the pain
And that blinds you. Please cease and desist!
Be objective. Get over the rain!
There are worse things than skiing in Maine.
I, myself, have not skied –
I am not of that breed.
I’ve preferred to pursue the arcane.
Let’s be clear what’s at stake. You asked, “Why?”
And I offered a reasoned reply.
I have no doubt at all
That I’m right on the ball.
That won’t change just because you don’t buy.
You might think that an arrogant pose.
Perhaps so. A man knows what he knows.
Every deed, I profess,
Contains, “Punish or bless,”
Hence the proverb: “He reaps what he sows.”
Ancient peoples knew chaos ensued
When the self-centred course was pursued.
Law, which held it bay,
“Is divine gift,” they’d say.
“And compliance keeps chaos subdued.”
In both Hebrew and Greek the word peace
Means completeness and wholeness, increase.
Total health is implied –
In fact, promised – I lied,
If all self-centred action will cease.
But we’re paying our ancestors’ bill,
And compounding their foolishness still.
Planet Earth’s had enough.
So, it’s gonna get tough,
And we’ll swallow the bitterest pill.
It’s too easy to carp and complain.
It takes courage to live with the pain,
And look truth in the eye
And accept, “This is why.”
But it stops you from going insane.
Evil has no existence apart
From the choices that come from man’s heart.
Yes, humanity cries,
Still ignoring the, ‘Whys?’
Understanding those ‘Whys?’ makes a start.
a limerick for Brian Allgar
The lim’riks we write, in the main,
Are verses that challenge the brain.
“Should I use me or I?
Is sigh better than cry?
Or just write about Donald’s campaign?”
Redux reduxed all over again, a reply to Tony Holmes
The skiing was mere metaphor
The rain, just as well, and no more
For whatever it’s worth
There’s in Heaven and Earth
Discordance that thrives at the core
I met with Mephisto, that bad one
And made a great deal, and I’m glad, son
Yet I still have free will
And I won’t pay his bill
I owe him my soul, but I have none
I’ve heard of unusual wills
but nothing to top my friend Jill’s:
the language provides
for limousine rides
for her pug, and to pay all his bills!
At the zoo, all the rents steeply rose;
Now each beast strains to pay what it owes.
Ev’ry gator and croc
Had to go into hock
And the elephants paid through the nose.
Next Verse!
Way up upon Blueberry Hill,
A man known as “Fats” got a bill.
For his sweet wedding day
But the bride ran away.
And that moon surely didn’t stand still.
Jack and Jill climbed up high on a hill.
Jill gave Jack a real fabulous thrill.
But Jack didn’t know
Jill was really a ho
And was shocked when she sent him a bill.
We were floating along, me and Phil.
So high up we were over a hill.
A birdie flew by,
And was wondering why
We did not pay our gravity bill.
Yes, Audrey was lov-er-ly but the casting, in my opinion, could have been better. “My Fair Lady”
Miss Hepburn was great in the main,
But I must state my case and complain.
Her singing was dubbed.
Yet Julie Andrews was snubbed.
I think I know why. I’ll explain:
Next to Audrey, Miss Andrews looked plain.
Audrey’s beauty will ever remain.
She was box office gold.
Many tickets were sold.
But ”Lady’ was Julie’s domain.
If you saw her on stage, you’d agree
The show was a smash, cuz, you see:
She was truly a star.
(Best Eliza, by far)
And her voice was the “real” lov-er-ly.
‘
2 years later, She was ” box office gold” for “Sound of Music”
I would ask that you all would refrain
From stealing my favourite domain.
The URL is catchy,
So NO snatchy-snatchy!
You know that it drives me insane.
Our Donald has hair like a mane
So they won’t let him settle in Maine
This is why he chose Florida
Which he says is not horrider
To live in the smartest domain.
Mad Kane says an account is her bill.
To read it she climbs up a hill.
Up there she’s the vetter
And she says they look better
So she loses the need for a pill.
Rapunzel, once awkward and bony,
Who yearned to be sexy and tony,
Made a wish — not in vain —
For a long, flowing mane.
(She should have just wished for a pony).
The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.
A nerdy young bookworm from Maine
Pictured the macabre in his brain
And then he wrote IT down
With a sewer dwelling clown
He’s called Stefano Rey in Spain.
As the city hospital’s main bill collector
I phoned a lady whose parrot had pecked her
“At this moment I’m afraid
That the bird’s been sauteed”
And she never did pay, who’d expect her?
Although folks have proclaimed me insane,
I don’t RIDE on the big crazy train.
I, instead, go, “Ding! Ding!”
‘Cause I DRIVE the damn thing.
I’m the queen of this kingly domain!
The outhouse – his fav’rite domain
Where abstaining from work ain’t a strain.
The bum never gets bored
Where his poop is all stored
As each chore is ignored; that’s his bane.
As my fingers run through your thick mane
And love peaks to a height I can’t feign,
I grow cold and withhold
‘Cause I’m somewhat paroled –
Must get back to the old ball and chain.
I can feel a big shift coming on
There’s a change in the air we’re upon.
It’s a ghostly domain
That I cannot explain
But I’m not yet insane, not yet gone.
You will see that the veil will be lifted.
From the truth, all the lies will be sifted.
What looked mean is humane
While the good was insane.
What was hidden in plain sight got rifted.
There is life on an alien plane,
Far away from this earthly domain
And it certainly grieves me
That no one believes me
Each person perceives me insane.
A support group with photos and writings
Where we talk ’bout abductions and sightings
Would sure be the main
Source to ease our pain;
No debates and no strain and no fightings.
Paying bills is a hobby of mine.
After paying, I feel mighty fine!
‘Cause if I refrain,
Just believe me, the main
Source of pain in my brain won’t decline!
If cutting the ice at some parties
Fails with joking or handing out Smarties,
Just remember the main
Way to solve it is plain –
Entertain with a strain of big farties.
If your horse looks too drab and too plain
Wax it’s saddle and stirrups and rein
You can brush its tail too
But whatever you do
Don’t forget to remember the mane.
This ne is a duplicate post in case it didn’t make it into your inbox before.
A football fanatic named Stills
Who got caught with his hand in the tills
Said, “Judge let me go
Cause I need all this dough
To pay off my Buffalo Bills.”
“Tell me all about Trump, Papa Bill”
“Well, son, that man sure made me ill.
He won the first prize
For his number of lies,
And his bullshit on Capitol Hill.”
a slight modification
When you drive and get lost, you pursue
A way for the ride to be through.
The out backs in Maine
Sure drove me insane
Then my GPS said, “got no clue”
The vaccine is in my domain.
From fear I now mostly refrain,
But there’s one thing I ask,
Always please wear a mask.
I do want to see you again.
“What we need,” said S Holmes to his aide,
“Is to know why she’d taken to trade.
High-born ladies disdain
To ply trade, in the main,
But this one was at pains to get paid.”
“See there, Watson! The bills on the floor.
Pass them here and let’s see what they’re for.”
“Husband’s, Holmes. Bounder’s debts.”
“Yes, it clears. Lady frets
And sells virtue to even the score.”
“Holmes, that doesn’t explain why she’s dead,
Nor, since working, she wasn’t in bed.”
“Ah, Lestrade! Any thoughts?”
“I’ve a theory, of sorts.
I suspect she succumbed to her dread.”
“Yes, as ever, you’re wide of the mark.
Now look here! That’s our clue and it’s stark.
Husband calls, unaware.
Finds his wife, tempers flare.
Husband’s bite was much worse that his bark.”
“You’re a marvel, S Holmes! No mistake.
Once again, you’ve made clear the opaque.”
“Elementary, Lestrade.
Killer left calling card.
Jealous husband, but also a rake.”
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Limerick-Off Award 463 . Congratulations to the winners!
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Mean.