Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: MAIN or MANE or MAINE or DOMAIN at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: Feb. 13, 2021 )

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using MAIN or MANE or MAINE or DOMAIN at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to BILLS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best BILLS-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on February 14, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, February 13, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my MAIN/MANE/MAINE/DOMAIN-rhyme limerick:

A wicked young woman from Maine
Had a mane that was dyed “pink champagne.”
Her name was Rosé
“No not ‘Rose,'” she would say
With disdain, being prickly and vain.

And here’s my BILLS-themed limerick:

The hall had a lovely array
Of flowers on fragrant display.
But the bride wasn’t pleased,
“I’m allergic,” she wheezed.
“If I’m dead, don’t expect me to pay.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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148 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: MAIN or MANE or MAINE or DOMAIN at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: Feb. 13, 2021 )”

  1. Lisi Nortman says:

    I never tell anyone lies.
    So this true fact may be a surprise:
    If you grew up in Maine,
    (And this might sound insane)
    You’ve a hank’ring for good whoopie pies.

  2. Lisi Nortman says:

    Maine #2 fact

    Believe me, I’m tellin’ you straight.
    With this fact, there is sure no debate:
    If you grew up in Maine,
    (And this might sound insane)
    You think Canada’s just one more state.

  3. Terry Marter says:

    The lim’rick judge took some strong pills,
    Said “your lim’rick’s so sick, – gave me Chills”
    I said “ ‘hope you’ll be fine
    but that lim’rick’s not mine.
    The lines you refer to are Bill’s”

  4. Terry Marter says:

    Madeleine would you mind moving the “ from the word Fine to the end of the limerick. I’ve fixed it on my Facebook post but there’s (understandably) no Edit or Delete here. (Imagine the fun we could have sabotaging each other’s masterpieces 😆).

    ******

    Done. :)

  5. Sondra Landin says:

    We went on a ski trip to Maine.
    My friends viewed the lodge with disdain.
    To the slopes, they all cried,
    It’s so boring inside,
    But all I could see was the rain.

  6. Sondra Landin says:

    I looked at my much tangled mane.
    It needed a hand that would tame
    those locks ruby red.
    I murmured with dread
    “But combing would bring so much pain.”

  7. Rudy Landesman says:

    My Fair Lady Redux

    The rain that keeps falling in Spain
    Stays plainly a pain, in the main.
    But Lerner and Loewe
    They flooded their show
    With showers of pure candy cane.

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    The Brexiteers moan and complain:
    “All these shortages – oh, what a pain!
    And the prices shoot up;
    They have sold us a pup –
    Now I wish I had voted REMAIN!”

  9. Rudy Landesman says:

    Pardon my French

    There once was a lobster from Maine
    A crustacean that just would not deign
    To get in a pot
    If it was too hot
    And wasn’t pure l’eau de la Seine

  10. Brian Allgar says:

    “This creature is weirdly designed,
    Like a beaver and otter combined,
    With a bill like a duck”,
    Darwin said. “WTF?
    God must have been out of His mind!”

  11. Brian Allgar says:

    Twitter’s banning is most inhumane;
    With his cognisance right down the drain,
    Donald can’t understand
    Why he’s suddenly banned
    After making the land great again.

  12. Tony Holmes says:

    Two corpuscles, located in Maine,
    Who had met on a round trip to Spain,
    Had their romance cut short
    On the basketball court,
    Which suggests that their love was in vein.

  13. Mark G. Kane says:

    Men are driven by that other brain,
    Which is why it’s so hard to abstain
    From reckless raw lust,
    And yet we just must
    Come as masters of our own domain.

  14. Tony Holmes says:

    “By and large, on the whole, in the main—”
    “State your case! You will drive me insane.
    Make your point! Spit it out –
    And if needs be, please shout –
    Better that than drone on – or abstain.”

  15. Lisi Nortman says:

    There are so many moose up in Maine,
    That the natives have grounds to complain.
    Cuz if one hits their cah,
    They won’t get real fah.
    And should think about taking the train.

  16. Tim James says:

    In spite of his “very good brain,”
    Guess who’s screwing his lawyers again?
    “Argue this or you’re done:
    The election I won!”
    Sorry, Donny, but that’s not germane.

  17. Lisi Nortman says:

    My Senior Building

    “Old Biddy Hill” downtown on Main
    Is the place where the “seniors” complain.
    And year after year,
    I always will hear,
    “Just who in the hell stole my cane?”.

  18. Rudy Landesman says:

    Buffalo

    A city where buffaloes fly
    On wings that a chef must first fry?
    A city that thrills
    To have those big Bills?
    They’ll have to get real, bye and bye.

  19. Lisi Nortman says:

    We had salad each night, (very plain)
    We were poor, but we’d always sustain.
    But boy! was I fraught
    On the night that I caught
    Mommy binge-eating fancy romaine.

  20. Lisi Nortman says:

    a minor adjustment (L2)

    We had salad each night, (very plain)
    We were poor, but we had to sustain.
    But boy! was I fraught
    On the night that I caught
    Mommy binge-eating fancy romaine.

  21. Tony Holmes says:

    “By and large, on the whole, in the main—”
    “State your case! You will drive me insane.
    Make your point! Spit it out –
    And if needs be, please shout
    (Better that than drone on) – or abstain.”

    (To improve clarity)

  22. Kirk Miller says:

    Losing hair on my head is a pain.
    Very few of the locks now remain.
    From a war long ago
    Is a slogan we know
    That is apt. It’s: Remember The Mane!

    It’s true I would like to procure
    A drug that will grow my coiffure.
    A man used some Rogaine
    To restore his thick mane,
    A hair-raising story for sure.

  23. Lisi Nortman says:

    The hooker I meet gives me thrills.
    She knows all those cool naughty skills.
    “Wifey” found my receipt
    And screamed, “You’re a cheat!”
    So now I pay Lulu in bills.

  24. B A Dragon says:

    Sorry – had to do it….

    Found a hairdresser in Toledo – Spain
    A beautician who works in Bahrain
    Hair was coiffed here and there
    “Cause I’ve moved everywhere
    But my mane’s main domain is in Maine.

  25. B A Dragon says:

    This appears not to quite fit your theme
    The saga of my favorite team
    That still makes me cry
    Just ONE ‘fore I die
    Buffalo can’t seem to fulfill my dream.

    (Go Bills – next year?)

  26. Lisi Nortman says:

    My friend said, “Stop getting your thrills
    By taking those illegal pills”
    I said, “Hey! I’m tapped-out”
    And I started to shout,
    “Your opinions do not pay my bills”

  27. Stephen B. Fleming says:

    T rump has lost his domain.
    As his ratings and lies are the bane
    Of reason and wit
    So Twitter saw fit
    To ban his fat ass. What a pain!

  28. Sondra Landin says:

    My lim’ricks are good in the main.
    The thoughts rattle ’round in my brain.
    A wicked jab here
    And there a foul smear,
    But all in a humorous vein.

  29. Lisi Nortman says:

    Three couples love “Fare On The Hill”
    After eating, pretend that they’re ill.
    Then Bob says, “Oh Heck!
    We’re getting our check”
    (Also known as “the travelling bill”).

  30. Sondra Landin says:

    My dinner guests often complain,
    My dishes are bland in the main.
    I joke “would you like them,
    If I were to spike them,
    With wine from my fav’rite domain?”

  31. Paul Haebig says:

    I grew up near Pittsburgh’s steel mills
    but church music’s what pays my bills.
    For making a living
    it’s most unforgiving.
    I’ve no other lucrative skills!

  32. Lisi Nortman says:

    We were taking a trip on a plane.
    Minutes later, it started to rain.
    We heard a big thud.
    Then we landed in mud.
    My spouse said, “We must be in Maine”.

  33. Lisi Nortman says:

    B6 vitamin health

    “Red Potatoes” are well-liked in Maine.
    They’re supposed to be good for the brain.
    But for ev-er-y meal?
    Hey folks! what’s the deal?
    That agenda is rather insane.

  34. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick, L5……Can you change….that meal plan is rather insane
    to That agenda is rather insane.
    Thank you, Lisi

    *******
    Done.

  35. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Single mom of three kids, one needs pills
    And for money, I give the men thrills.
    Scrounge for food ev’ry day
    Keep the landlord at bay
    Well, how else will I pay all the bills?

  36. Tony Holmes says:

    Arnold Strongfellow took up the strain
    And exerted himself, might and main.
    But try as he might,
    The jar lid remained tight,
    And his toast remained buttered but plain.

  37. Tony Holmes says:

    It was said of a patient in Maine
    Who was diagnosed wholly insane,
    “As a rule, he’s obsessed.
    When himself, he’s depressed,
    Or historical, now and again.”

  38. Tim James says:

    A woman residing in Maine
    Pounded down half a bottle of grain
    ‘Cause it gets really old
    If you battle the cold
    Without antifreeze filling each vein.

  39. B A Dragon says:

    It snows all the time in the northland
    Then on TV forecasters grandstand
    People living in Maine
    Must really disdain
    “News” of less than six inches … How bland!.

  40. There ONce was a person from Maine
    who didn’t know how to explain
    why he lived where they throw
    out ten feet of snow
    whenever Ma Nature ordained.

  41. Tony Holmes says:

    Have a care when you name your domain.
    Careless choice might just lead to disdain.
    Neighbours’ hopes won’t transcend
    If they read, ‘Frohlich’s End’.
    They’ll think, “Don’t even ask. They’ll abstain.”

    Inspired by a doctor’s brass plate seen in Dizengoff Street, Tel Aviv.
    “Dr Froelich: Sex Therapist”

  42. Lisi Nortman says:

    wintah=winter (in Maine)

    There are very long wintahs in Maine.
    There is just so much snow, (what a pain)
    Cause your roof will cave in.
    Yet that’s not such a sin.
    Get some duct tape, and then don’t complain.

  43. Lisi Nortman says:

    There’s a nice General Store up in Maine.
    It’s got all that you need, I’ll explain:
    They sell great pickled eggs,
    And real useful kegs,
    And of course, shotgun shells, for the pain.

  44. Lisi Nortman says:

    For Hoarders Everywhere!

    Here is something that hoarders don’t get.
    Which makes them extrem’ly upset.
    They say they are skint
    Well, here’s a good hint:
    Sell all of that crap. Pay your debt.

  45. B A Dragon says:

    When lawyers quit cases in main
    It’s because the defense is inane
    Or the client wants lies
    Or won’t pay, though he cries
    Trump is guilty of all, I surmise.

  46. B A Dragon says:

    Corrected from 1/1/21 11:23 am

    It snows all the time in the northland
    Then on TV most forecasters grandstand
    People living in Maine
    Must really disdain
    “News” of less than six inches … How bland!.

  47. Jean McEwen says:

    Watching bills (much like sausage) get made
    May be all that it takes to persuade
    Folks to roundly reject
    The dumb pols they elect
    And then send them right back to first grade.

  48. Jean McEwen says:

    Comment:
    My hair has been given free rein
    To grow; the result is a mane
    That’s unruly and dull,
    But it covers my skull.
    (I would rather be called plain than called vain.)

  49. Lisi Nortman says:

    This one is better than the one from January 31st. at 12:16 PM

    My Senior Building

    At “Old Biddy Hill” here on Main,
    The senior folks groan and complain.
    And year after year,
    I undoubtedly hear
    “Just who in the hell stole my cane?”.

  50. Sondra Landin says:

    I won’t pay one more doctor’s bill
    I won’t take one more costly pill
    I never catch cold,
    I’m not yet so old,
    But why do I feel a strange chill?

  51. Lisi Nortman says:

    I go to the room which fulfills
    All my needs when I’ve got real bad chills.
    I can sit there and wail,
    And check out my mail.
    Which I call my “Past Due Stack ‘O Bills”.

  52. Tony Holmes says:

    It’s reported of weather in Spain
    That the raindrops remain on the plain.
    Not entirely, of course,
    But, according to source,
    It is where they remain in the main.

    Wasn’t Audrey lov-er-ly?

  53. Tony Holmes says:

    It was said of a patient in Maine
    Who was diagnosed wholly insane,
    “As a rule, he’s depressed.
    If not that, then obsessed,
    And historical, now and again.”

    A minor but necesary improvement.

  54. Tony Holmes says:

    “My lady of Spain, I adore you!
    Please give me your heart, I implore you!
    If we wed, I’ll remain.
    Spain will be my domain.
    If we don’t, they’ll deport, I’ll abhor you.”

  55. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I am keen to traverse a new scene,
    So I boot up my go-to machine.
    The terrain? How ’bout Maine?
    I just hope that some train
    Of thought helps me reach L.L. Bean.

  56. Tony Holmes says:

    It’s reported of weather in Spain
    That the raindrops remain on the plain.
    Not entirely, of course,
    But, according to source,
    It is where they obtain in the main.

    Sorry to be tedious, but I prefer it to the repetition.

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    I looked this up: clique is actually pronounced “kleek”

    I’m the type who is never upset.
    And not once have I had a regret.
    I’m in a tight clique.
    (They call me all week!)
    I’m so proud to be deeply in debt

  58. Lisi Nortman says:

    My mansion is surely not plain.
    There’s much envy when I entertain.
    My designer has planned
    A home that’s so grand,
    And an out-house as “hubby’s” domain.

  59. Antonio Winspeare says:

    To reply to the following previously posted on Jan. 30 at 10:45 am by Sondra Landin:

    You should bring your umbrella to Maine
    To protect you outside from the rain.
    For the skiing go high,
    Take a trip to Dubai,
    Climate change is the culprit again

  60. Rudy Landesman says:

    I was skiing at Sugarloaf, Maine,
    And I totally cannot explain.
    It was quite alarming.
    There’s no global warming!
    But it suddenly started to rain.

  61. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: today at 3:19 PM the limerick reads: I’m so proud to be in such vile debt. (L5)
    Could you please change that to…..I’m so proud to be deeply in debt

    Thank You
    Lisi

    ******
    Done.

  62. Lisi Nortman says:

    Well, Moxie’s the choice drink in Maine.
    And boy! that stuff sure isn’t plain!
    The taste is real crappy.
    Yet it makes town folks happy.
    Don’t move there unless you are game.

  63. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oops! rhyming error! try again
    ” Moxie? really? yuk”

    Well, Moxie’s the choice drink in Maine.
    And boy! that stuff sure isn’t plain!
    The taste is real crappy.
    Yet it makes town folks happy.
    And who knows? It might muddle your brain.

  64. Lisi Nortman says:

    Remember Howdy Doody? Of course you do! Since my mind is rather fuzzy,
    I thought it was “Howdy Doody and Buffalo Bill. So I though I would write a limerick about thinking it was Buffalo Bill.

    Howdy Doody and Buffalo Bill
    Was a show that sure gave me a thrill.
    Oh wait! it was Bob!
    (I did a bad job)
    But I caught it in time, even still.

    il

  65. Pedro was a sailor from Spain
    And, while quite discrete on the main,
    An indecent passion
    For bondage and lashin’
    Got him keelhauled again and again.

  66. Bob Turvey says:

    There is a young lady of Maine,
    Who likes it both low key and plain.
    You can only thrill her
    With simple vanilla;
    And extra-large portions cause pain.

  67. Bob Turvey says:

    In Maine girls are plain in the main,
    But Maine men don’t feel any pain,
    ‘cos Maine paper mills
    Deliver their thrills ─
    Head-sized paper bags take the strain!

  68. Bob Turvey says:

    An out-of-doors dancer from Maine
    Once had a rough time in the rain.
    A bad skid in the dance
    Left a knot in his pants
    And his poor penis purple with pain.

  69. Bob Turvey says:

    There are two types of forested land;
    Where it’s flat it’s been planted by hand.
    On rougher terrain,
    It’s a virgin domain –
    In which no man has planted a stand.

  70. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    The old plumber piped up, speaking plain,
    “All this crap here has blocked up your main.”
    So I hired him to break
    Up the clog with his snake.
    But the thing fell asleep in the drain.

  71. Lisi Nortman says:

    Today, I had very bad chills.
    “Wifey” screamed. Shook me up. Took my pills.
    Her fury was great.
    And she told me out straight:
    “Don’t waste all that dough on our bills!”.

  72. Rudy Landesman says:

    Please correct my limerick of Feb. 2. (line 1)

    “I was skiing at Sugarloaf, Maine”. (Not Sugarbush! That’s in Vermont.)

    Thank you,
    Rudy Landesman

    ********

    Done.

  73. Sondra Landin says:

    They craved some real high grade cocaine
    They scored it-surprise!-up in Maine.
    They measured and snorted,
    But oh were they thwarted,
    They’d had better kicks from champagne!

  74. Lisi Nortman says:

    Got our credit card bill, just today.
    But something was strange, (I must say)
    We were wondering why
    The bill was so high.
    And why Mexico still didn’t pay.

  75. Lisi Nortman says:

    same idea yet a little different, and perhaps more explicate

    Got our credit card bill just today.
    But something was strange, I must say.
    We invested in land.
    50 acres were planned.
    But Mexico still didn’t pay.

  76. Sondra Landin says:

    My friendly reply to Antonio Winspeare

    I will keep my umbrella in Maine
    And from travel I have to refrain,
    But when Covid’s not nigh
    I’ll be high in the sky
    With my skis to Dubai on a plane!

  77. Sondra Landin says:

    Hi Mad! Since you’re so generous re: changes and editing, may I ask that you change line 4 of my last-posted limerick to:
    I’ll be high in the sky

    Thank you, SL

    *******
    Done. And by the way, that change is a nice addition of internal rhyme.

  78. Tim James says:

    My proctologist hasn’t much class:
    After treatments, he lets no time pass
    Before sending his bill.
    (Of compassion there’s nil.)
    The guy’s just a pain in the ass.

  79. Rudy Landesman says:

    Theological Dilemma

    He allows it to rain up in Maine.
    So just how can the Good Lord explain,
    If He’s good and almighty
    And He’s not slightly flighty
    Why does evil exist and cause pain?

  80. Lisi Nortman says:

    My experience working at a doctor’s office (pediatric) a little embellished

    “It’s the rich ones who don’t pay their bills” “Chutzpah”

    This father was what they call trash.
    And also ex-trem-ely brash.
    We sure were a wreck
    When he faxed us a check.
    Then out flew a whole pile a’ cash.

  81. Lisi Nortman says:

    Being dutiful: that is my aim.
    And not once, have I ever felt shame.
    I am never a wreck.
    Pay my bills with a check.
    Making sure that I don’t sign my name.

  82. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    On the Highway of Life, I remain,
    The sole master of my own domain;
    If some fool can’t resist,
    A yelled curse, a raised fist,
    I wave back at him from the slow lane.

  83. Lisi Nortman says:

    *Yesterday, I wrote a limerick that was very confusing. I will try to do it again
    so it will be clear.

    “chutzpah”

    “You must pay your bill soon, Mr. Trash
    You’re delinquent and also real brash”
    We sure were a wreck
    When he faxed us a check
    And 25 copies of cash.

  84. Sondra Landin says:

    King Lear was quite smart in the main.
    He’d never be labeled insane.
    But power besotted
    Two daughters each plotted
    To steadily poison his brain.

  85. Lisi Nortman says:

    Well, Moxie’s the “champagne” of Maine.
    It’s got more than one use, I’ll explain:
    It’s a soda to drink,
    And great in the sink,
    For unclogging the beans in their drain.

  86. Lisi Nortman says:

    The prescriptions “doc” writes with much speed
    Are abstruse and real unclear, indeed.
    But his bills that you get,
    Will sure put you in debt.
    And those are the ones you can read.

  87. Lisi Nortman says:

    very minor adjustment

    The prescriptions “doc” writes with much speed,
    Are abstruse and unclear, Yes Indeed!
    But his bills that you get,
    Will sure put you in debt.
    And those are the ones you can read.

    Mad: After I read the first one, I noticed that “unclear” is pronounced
    unClear, not UNclear, I try to put words in with stress where it should be.
    That’s why I changed it. (Well, I try :)

  88. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oops: sorry
    In second limerick, can you please change But his bill to…..But his bills
    And also delete one of those (Well I try ) I don’t know how the second one got in there.
    With much appreciation, Lisi

    *****
    Done.

  89. Tim James says:

    Mr. Dunn chases folks on the run;
    At his job he is second to none.
    He collects unpaid bills
    And it gives him great thrills.
    Dunn has fun till he’s done with the dun.

  90. Lisi Nortman says:

    a little twist on a previous one!

    There’s a great gen’ral store up in Maine.
    Yet some of the town folks complain.
    Even though it’s terrific,
    They sell nothing specific.
    It’s a GEN’RAL store; just use your brain.

  91. Sue Dulley says:

    Allan Sherman wrote home to complain
    Camp was hard to endure in the rain
    But much worse for Joe Spivey
    Who caught poison ivy,
    And Skinner, who’s sick with ptomaine.

  92. Sue Dulley says:

    If under my scraggly mane
    There were even a vestige of brain
    Then line four you might see / on the same line as three
    So this lim’rick would be a quatrain.

  93. Sue Dulley says:

    A Bill is by no means unique:
    It’s a name, or a debt to pay (eek!)
    Or it could be a law;
    On a bird it’s their jaw
    But for that there’s a better word: Beak.

  94. Sue Dulley says:

    I’m having to sieve and to strain
    All the water that goes down my drain.
    The plumber is coming
    To unblock my plumbing
    Next March (normal wait, in the main 😢)

  95. Sue Dulley says:

    Wonder why, now we can’t entertain
    Potluck style – “You bring ‘sides’, I’ll cook ‘main’,
    Someone please bring dessert
    And some munchies won’t hurt”
    Weight’s still harder to lose than to gain?

  96. Tony Holmes says:

    Theodicy: A Response To Rudy Landesman

    Take a look, if you will, at the law –
    Deuteronomy’s best – I implore.
    Manufacturer’s Guide:
    There’s a choice: you decide:
    Will you love, or proceed as before?

    Love endures, is unfailingly kind.
    Never envies, no evil in mind.
    Is not prideful, or lewd,
    And if injured, won’t brood.
    And endures to the end, you will find.

    Love considers and limits its aims.
    If its aims would do harm, then it tames.
    Selfishness, in the main –
    Love of power and of gain –
    Is the root of all pain. God disclaims.

    With the freedom to choose, from the sod
    You were made little less than a god. (Psalm 8)
    He has told you the score
    If you choose to ignore,
    Why blame God and get sore? Bear the rod!

    He has shown you, oh man, what is good.
    What he asks of you and what you should.
    To love kindness – a must –
    And to always be just,
    And walk humbly with God, if you would.

    There! The choice is before you, so choose.
    Will you choose to obey, or refuse?
    Or go on as before,
    Lay the blame at God’s door,
    Or acknowledge and give Him His dues?

    (Second last verse is my paraphrase of Micah 6 vs 8. For me, one of the most beautiful verses in the bible.)

  97. Tim James says:

    The company’s problem was plain:
    How to make a loss look like a gain?
    So the numbers were cooked
    And the “profits” were booked.
    ‘Twas a nice feat of ledgerdemain.

  98. Charles Simmons says:

    The “Queen of all limericks domain ”
    Features subjects sublime and insane
    Her examples are best
    Leading us on our quest
    Who else but our lovely Mad Kane

    ************
    Thanks! Now you’ve gone and made me blush. :)

  99. Sondra Landin says:

    This is a variation on an earlier submission.

    My lim’ricks are plain in the main.
    The words coalesce in my brain.
    With a slap and a sneer,
    Or a kick in the rear,
    They strike, in a humorous vein!

  100. Sondra Landin says:

    I once knew a nice farm girl in Maine.
    She was seeking a swain, but in vain.
    She would grumble and mumble
    as she swiped left on Bumble,
    “On-line dating is barren terrain!”

  101. Lisi Nortman says:

    debit card or credit card: which is better? answer: credit cards!

    This lim’rik is not very funny.
    It’s just good advice; listen Honey:
    All debit cards stink.
    Now just stop and think:
    Why buy stuff and use your own money?

  102. Lisi Nortman says:

    Don’t think that I’ll pay bills today.
    It’s not such a sin to delay.
    I’ve decided to wait.
    It’s a real skillful trait.
    I’m in debt. (“The American Way”!)

  103. Rudy Landesman says:

    Buffalo

    A city where buffaloes fly
    With wings that a chef has to fry?
    A city that thrills
    At having big Bills?
    They’ll have to get real, bye and bye.

  104. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hi Ms. Kane,
    I just had another senior moment. By mistakeI sent you a limerick that I had already submitted on Jan. 31. (“Buffalo”) However, this second one (I think) is the better one. Please delete the first.
    Thanks,
    Rudy Landesman

  105. Rudy Landesman says:

    A person from Beverly Hills
    Had altered quite often his wills
    His heirs were bereft
    There was nothing left
    The lawyers had padded their bills

  106. Kirk Miller says:

    Smart phone contracts can be rather steep.
    What you pay every month is a heap.
    The large bills phones inflict
    On us all contradict
    The old idiom that talk is cheap.

  107. Lisi Nortman says:

    My travel agent said:

    “Well, here’s the gerMaine information.
    It’s truly a strange situation:
    The winters in Maine
    Are truly a pain.
    The sun takes a 4 month vacation”.

  108. Lisi Nortman says:

    Bet’cha didn’t know this!

    There will be a quite heated debate.
    But their facts just will not carry weight.
    Though the folks up in Maine,
    Might sulk and complain,
    Alaska’s the easternmost state.

    (heard in on Jeopardy; didn’t believe it. Had to look it up, and it’s true)

  109. Brian Allgar says:

    “Tubman’s face on a twenty, that pill?”
    Whines Donald, splenetic and shrill.
    “It shoulda been me!”
    And I almost agree –
    Put his face on a three-dollar bill.

  110. Brian Allgar says:

    Trump’s winery is in a plight;
    The red wine is always too light.
    The reason is plain:
    On the whole Trump domain,
    The only grapes welcome are white.

  111. Brian Allgar says:

    (An old one revisited)

    Count Dracula pounced on Charmaine,
    And she felt in her arm a sharp pain.
    “Don’t worry”, he quipped
    As he nibbled and sipped,
    “I am just in a humerus vein”.

  112. Sondra Landin says:

    This is another variation on an earlier submission

    My lim’ricks, germane in the main
    Do tend to give pain, though inane.
    With f***ing words here,
    And there a Bronx cheer,
    They hurt, in a humorous vein.

  113. Lisi Nortman says:

    Today is the day “boss” will bring
    My paycheck, I feel like a king!
    I can go to the store.
    Wow! can’t ask for more!
    Cuz I’ve plenty to buy just one thing.

  114. Rudy Landesman says:

    Theodicy Redux
    My reply to Tony Holmes

    My dear friend, it is easy to see
    You have never seen rain when you ski.
    You never got wet
    And frozen, and yet
    You defend that with Theodicy.

    That eight letter word you have hurled
    Was once by Herr Leibnitz unfurled.
    He did gain some fame
    With this specious claim:
    “Our world is the best poss’ble world”

    This nonsense, of course, did not last.
    Voltaire would debunk it, but fast.
    And who hasn’t seen
    “Candide” by Bernstein
    On Broadway a few seasons past?

    The view you espouse (and that’s plain)
    Reflects your own faith, in the main.
    Your lim’rical treatise
    Tries hard to entreat us
    To think love’s a cure to end pain.

    Alas, that is simply not so.
    Love doesn’t cure cancers that grow,
    Nor any disease
    A doctor can’t ease.
    It doesn’t decrepitude slow.

    Theodicy is in the end
    Evading the issue, my friend.
    As much as it tries
    Humanity cries,
    And Evil, I fear, will not bend

  115. Sjaan vandenBroeder says:

    In my post too much marketing swill,
    Left me numb, unresponsive until,
    One day checking my mail,
    I could hear myself wail,
    “Oh good grief, what relief! It’s a bill!”

  116. Lisi Nortman says:

    When you drive and get lost, you pursue
    Some way for the ride to be through.
    I got baffled in Maine.
    And I just went insane,
    When my GPS said, “got no clue”

  117. You may hear me loudly complain
    If you don’t let me win at this game
    ‘Cos I’ll jut out my chin
    And add extra spin
    While I write in my Twitter domain

  118. Lisi Nortman says:

    Way up upon Blueberry Hill,
    A man known as “Fats” got a thrill.
    But the vows this girl made
    Were quickly betrayed.
    (Fats got stuck with the darn wedding bill).

  119. Tony Holmes says:

    A Response To Rudy’s Redux

    I can tell from your reasoned reply,
    You are clearly much wiser than I.
    You quote Leibnitz, Voltaire,
    Mit out turning ein Herr
    And then blithely ignore the big, “Why?”

    Sorry, Rudy, I couldn’t resist –
    I’ve administered slap upon wrist.
    It is clear, in the main,
    You’re hung up on the pain
    And that blinds you. Please cease and desist!

    Be objective. Get over the rain!
    There are worse things than skiing in Maine.
    I, myself, have not skied –
    I am not of that breed.
    I’ve preferred to pursue the arcane.

    Let’s be clear what’s at stake. You asked, “Why?”
    And I offered a reasoned reply.
    I have no doubt at all
    That I’m right on the ball.
    That won’t change just because you don’t buy.

    You might think that an arrogant pose.
    Perhaps so. A man knows what he knows.
    Every deed, I profess,
    Contains, “Punish or bless,”
    Hence the proverb: “He reaps what he sows.”

    Ancient peoples knew chaos ensued
    When the self-centred course was pursued.
    Law, which held it bay,
    “Is divine gift,” they’d say.
    “And compliance keeps chaos subdued.”

    In both Hebrew and Greek the word peace
    Means completeness and wholeness, increase.
    Total health is implied –
    In fact, promised – I lied,
    If all self-centred action will cease.

    But we’re paying our ancestors’ bill,
    And compounding their foolishness still.
    Planet Earth’s had enough.
    So, it’s gonna get tough,
    And we’ll swallow the bitterest pill.

    It’s too easy to carp and complain.
    It takes courage to live with the pain,
    And look truth in the eye
    And accept, “This is why.”
    But it stops you from going insane.

    Evil has no existence apart
    From the choices that come from man’s heart.
    Yes, humanity cries,
    Still ignoring the, ‘Whys?’
    Understanding those ‘Whys?’ makes a start.

  120. Lisi Nortman says:

    a limerick for Brian Allgar

    The lim’riks we write, in the main,
    Are verses that challenge the brain.
    “Should I use me or I?
    Is sigh better than cry?
    Or just write about Donald’s campaign?”

  121. Rudy Landesman says:

    Redux reduxed all over again, a reply to Tony Holmes

    The skiing was mere metaphor
    The rain, just as well, and no more
    For whatever it’s worth
    There’s in Heaven and Earth
    Discordance that thrives at the core

    I met with Mephisto, that bad one
    And made a great deal, and I’m glad, son
    Yet I still have free will
    And I won’t pay his bill
    I owe him my soul, but I have none

  122. Paul Haebig says:

    I’ve heard of unusual wills
    but nothing to top my friend Jill’s:
    the language provides
    for limousine rides
    for her pug, and to pay all his bills!

  123. Tim James says:

    At the zoo, all the rents steeply rose;
    Now each beast strains to pay what it owes.
    Ev’ry gator and croc
    Had to go into hock
    And the elephants paid through the nose.

  124. Lisi Nortman says:

    Next Verse!

    Way up upon Blueberry Hill,
    A man known as “Fats” got a bill.
    For his sweet wedding day
    But the bride ran away.
    And that moon surely didn’t stand still.

  125. Lisi Nortman says:

    Jack and Jill climbed up high on a hill.
    Jill gave Jack a real fabulous thrill.
    But Jack didn’t know
    Jill was really a ho
    And was shocked when she sent him a bill.

  126. Lisi Nortman says:

    We were floating along, me and Phil.
    So high up we were over a hill.
    A birdie flew by,
    And was wondering why
    We did not pay our gravity bill.

  127. Lisi Nortman says:

    Yes, Audrey was lov-er-ly but the casting, in my opinion, could have been better. “My Fair Lady”

    Miss Hepburn was great in the main,
    But I must state my case and complain.
    Her singing was dubbed.
    Yet Julie Andrews was snubbed.
    I think I know why. I’ll explain:

    Next to Audrey, Miss Andrews looked plain.
    Audrey’s beauty will ever remain.
    She was box office gold.
    Many tickets were sold.
    But ”Lady’ was Julie’s domain.

    If you saw her on stage, you’d agree
    The show was a smash, cuz, you see:
    She was truly a star.
    (Best Eliza, by far)
    And her voice was the “real” lov-er-ly.

    2 years later, She was ” box office gold” for “Sound of Music”

  128. I would ask that you all would refrain
    From stealing my favourite domain.
    The URL is catchy,
    So NO snatchy-snatchy!
    You know that it drives me insane.

  129. Mike says:

    Our Donald has hair like a mane
    So they won’t let him settle in Maine
    This is why he chose Florida
    Which he says is not horrider
    To live in the smartest domain.

  130. Mike says:

    Mad Kane says an account is her bill.
    To read it she climbs up a hill.
    Up there she’s the vetter
    And she says they look better
    So she loses the need for a pill.

  131. Sjaan vandenBroeder says:

    Rapunzel, once awkward and bony,
    Who yearned to be sexy and tony,
    Made a wish — not in vain —
    For a long, flowing mane.
    (She should have just wished for a pony).

  132. madkane says:

    The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  133. Mike Sullivan says:

    A nerdy young bookworm from Maine
    Pictured the macabre in his brain
    And then he wrote IT down
    With a sewer dwelling clown
    He’s called Stefano Rey in Spain.

  134. Mike Sullivan says:

    As the city hospital’s main bill collector
    I phoned a lady whose parrot had pecked her
    “At this moment I’m afraid
    That the bird’s been sauteed”
    And she never did pay, who’d expect her?

  135. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Although folks have proclaimed me insane,
    I don’t RIDE on the big crazy train.
    I, instead, go, “Ding! Ding!”
    ‘Cause I DRIVE the damn thing.
    I’m the queen of this kingly domain!

  136. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The outhouse – his fav’rite domain
    Where abstaining from work ain’t a strain.
    The bum never gets bored
    Where his poop is all stored
    As each chore is ignored; that’s his bane.

  137. Suzanne Heymann says:

    As my fingers run through your thick mane
    And love peaks to a height I can’t feign,
    I grow cold and withhold
    ‘Cause I’m somewhat paroled –
    Must get back to the old ball and chain.

  138. Suzanne Heymann says:

    I can feel a big shift coming on
    There’s a change in the air we’re upon.
    It’s a ghostly domain
    That I cannot explain
    But I’m not yet insane, not yet gone.

    You will see that the veil will be lifted.
    From the truth, all the lies will be sifted.
    What looked mean is humane
    While the good was insane.
    What was hidden in plain sight got rifted.

  139. Suzanne Heymann says:

    There is life on an alien plane,
    Far away from this earthly domain
    And it certainly grieves me
    That no one believes me
    Each person perceives me insane.

    A support group with photos and writings
    Where we talk ’bout abductions and sightings
    Would sure be the main
    Source to ease our pain;
    No debates and no strain and no fightings.

  140. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Paying bills is a hobby of mine.
    After paying, I feel mighty fine!
    ‘Cause if I refrain,
    Just believe me, the main
    Source of pain in my brain won’t decline!

  141. Suzanne Heymann says:

    If cutting the ice at some parties
    Fails with joking or handing out Smarties,
    Just remember the main
    Way to solve it is plain –
    Entertain with a strain of big farties.

  142. Thomas Vincent says:

    If your horse looks too drab and too plain
    Wax it’s saddle and stirrups and rein
    You can brush its tail too
    But whatever you do
    Don’t forget to remember the mane.

  143. Thomas Vincent says:

    This ne is a duplicate post in case it didn’t make it into your inbox before.

    A football fanatic named Stills
    Who got caught with his hand in the tills
    Said, “Judge let me go
    Cause I need all this dough
    To pay off my Buffalo Bills.”

  144. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Tell me all about Trump, Papa Bill”
    “Well, son, that man sure made me ill.
    He won the first prize
    For his number of lies,
    And his bullshit on Capitol Hill.”

  145. Lisi Nortman says:

    a slight modification

    When you drive and get lost, you pursue
    A way for the ride to be through.
    The out backs in Maine
    Sure drove me insane
    Then my GPS said, “got no clue”

  146. Sondra Landin says:

    The vaccine is in my domain.
    From fear I now mostly refrain,
    But there’s one thing I ask,
    Always please wear a mask.
    I do want to see you again.

  147. Tony Holmes says:

    “What we need,” said S Holmes to his aide,
    “Is to know why she’d taken to trade.
    High-born ladies disdain
    To ply trade, in the main,
    But this one was at pains to get paid.”

    “See there, Watson! The bills on the floor.
    Pass them here and let’s see what they’re for.”
    “Husband’s, Holmes. Bounder’s debts.”
    “Yes, it clears. Lady frets
    And sells virtue to even the score.”

    “Holmes, that doesn’t explain why she’s dead,
    Nor, since working, she wasn’t in bed.”
    “Ah, Lestrade! Any thoughts?”
    “I’ve a theory, of sorts.
    I suspect she succumbed to her dread.”

    “Yes, as ever, you’re wide of the mark.
    Now look here! That’s our clue and it’s stark.
    Husband calls, unaware.
    Finds his wife, tempers flare.
    Husband’s bite was much worse that his bark.”

    “You’re a marvel, S Holmes! No mistake.
    Once again, you’ve made clear the opaque.”
    “Elementary, Lestrade.
    Killer left calling card.
    Jealous husband, but also a rake.”

  148. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 463 . Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Mean.

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