I was inspired to write this limerick by the many male-written limericks I’ve read about priests:
I’m a female and Jewish, so never
Had priest problems – none whatsoever.
I don’t mean to be caustic.
I’m deeply agnostic;
Dodging clergy at large — my endeavor.
Two women, good friends, worked backstage.
Each was “dating” a man half her age:
A man on the crew.
Which one? Neither knew.
It turns out, both were on the same Page.
“It’s easy to hoodwink that stinker,”
Said a man of his wife, a big drinker.
“When coition’s my mission,
She thinks I’m out fishin’…
And falls for it hook, line, and sinker.”
A man in the mood for a swim,
Who would frequently act on a whim,
Dove into a pool
From a tree; hurt his tool…
Vowed to stop going out on a limb.
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using LOON or LUNE or BALLOON or SALOON at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to MEMORY, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best MEMORY-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on September 5, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, September 4, 2021, at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my LOON/LUNE/BALLOON/SALOON-rhyme limerick:
A fellow, as mad as a loon,
Would strip naked outside ev’ry noon,
Till a note came. ’Twas snide:
“Were I you, I would hide
All my privates; your prick’s picayune.
And here’s my MEMORY-themed limerick:
Once again, I am drawing a blank.
My recall’s, alas, in the tank.
My brain feels bombarded
By facts, soon discarded.
So Google’s my memory bank.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter
Sometimes a “Random Word Generator” can take you to strange places:
When, expecting his girlfriend to treasure
His sexual skills beyond measure,
He learned she liked pain
And his acts were in vain,
He said, “Sorry for giving you pleasure!”
At my age (seven-one) men don’t greet me
With catcalls or words that entreat me
To do something “wack.”
And I’m never called “snack.”
If I were, my response would be “Eat me!”
Here’s a birthday limerick for my husband Mark, in response to his joking (I hope) query: “Mad, it’s my Birthday, and I’m feeling a bit down, so would it be OK if I visited our local ecdysiast?”
Happy birthday to Mark! You’re the best!
Though you’re old, you still live life with zest.
I am joking, of course;
If you’re old, I perforce
Am antique. (So no dancers undressed!)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using Locks or Lox or Lochs or Lawks at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to Instruments, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best Instruments-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on January 31, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 30, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my Locks/Lox/Lochs/Lawks-rhyme limerick:
“See that gal over there? What a fox!”
Said a man of a woman whose locks
Were curly and long
And worthy of song.
But the rest of her? More like an ox.
And here’s my Instruments-themed limerick:
A musician I know plays the lute,
And her husband is gifted on flute.
They duet ev’ry day
On their instruments. Hey!
Your mind OUT of the gutter, you brute!
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SPELL or DISPEL OR MISSPELL at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to CONFESSIONS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best CONFESSION-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on November 22, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, November 21, 2020 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my SPELL or DISPEL OR MISSPELL-rhyme limerick:
A pickpocket, locked in a cell,
Describes it as “nitemarish hell.”
Now the skell’s penned a book;
Hopes to sell it by hook
Or by crook. But the schnook just can’t spell.
And here’s my CONFESSIONS-themed limerick:
A fellow confessed he was bi
To his wife, who replied “I won’t lie;
I’m upset.” (Her tears flowed.)
“So here’s what I’m owed:
A three-way with you and your guy.”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
I’m pleased to have gotten an Honorable Mention in the Washington Post Style Invitational’s 16th annual Limerixicon limerick contest: Here’s my HM-earning limerick:
If you’re tempted to kiss or embrace
A stranger whose beauty and grace
Make her hard to resist,
Don’t do it! Her fist
Just might land in a delicate place.
It’s “Send Your Man Nudes Day.” Oy Vey!
Will I celebrate THAT one? No way!
I’m too old for that stuff,
So no pics in the buff!
I’ll forgo risking cyber-display.
Send Your Man Nudes Day falls on April 22 each year.
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using GRIND at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to AUTUMN, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best AUTUMN-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on October 16, 2016, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, October 15, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A gal who was always behind
In her chores, said her spouse did not mind:
“My gifts in the sack
Make up for this lack.
I excel at a far diff’rent grind.”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
A fellow was given the slip
By a woman aboard a large ship.
He’d thought her his mate —
His ocean trip fate —
But he never had time to unzip.
Happy World Oceans Day! (June 8)
“Intuition is something I trust,”
Said a gal when told trust is a must.
“I instinctively feel
That you’re surely a heel
Who would tempt me with feelings of lust.”
(Trust Your Intuition Day falls on May 10.)
It’s essential to celebrate smells–
Just the good ones, of course; Nothing quells
A good mood like a stink,
Which might possibly shrink
The terrain where your fella’s brain dwells.
Happy National Fragrance Day! (March 21)
It’s “Leap Day,” a day that is rare,
Which strikes me as rather unfair;
Leap Days fall just in years
Deemed “bissextile.” No leers
Please at “sex” in that term. Don’t you dare!
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using either LEWD or ELUDE or ALLUDE at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write a themed limerick related to sleep and/or insomnia, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best sleep/insomnia-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on January 10, 2016, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 9, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
An actress deserved to be booed
For behavior decidedly lewd,
But she paid little price
For her crudity vice
Till revealing, “I think I’m a dude.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick(s) using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Here’s something that just doesn’t track:
Having sex with a tractor is whack!
But a Brit was arrested.
His crime? He molested
Deere rears, which must now watch their back.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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