Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: Locks or Lox or Lochs or Lawks at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: January 30, 2021)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using Locks or Lox or Lochs or Lawks at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to Instruments, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best Instruments-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on January 31, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 30, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my Locks/Lox/Lochs/Lawks-rhyme limerick:

“See that gal over there? What a fox!”
Said a man of a woman whose locks
Were curly and long
And worthy of song.
But the rest of her? More like an ox.

And here’s my Instruments-themed limerick:

A musician I know plays the lute,
And her husband is gifted on flute.
They duet ev’ry day
On their instruments. Hey!
Your mind OUT of the gutter, you brute!

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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148 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: Locks or Lox or Lochs or Lawks at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: January 30, 2021)”

  1. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Mary Lawks visits Scottish Lakes’ docks
    Hides smoked salmon all wrapped up in socks.
    They’d be put in a box
    Padlocked tight, sunk with rocks
    Mrs. Lawks locks the lox in the lochs.

    (couldn’t resist… I saw all four words, and they seemed to speak to each other and they all jumped in line to come up with this, lol)

  2. Lisi Nortman says:

    My cousin in Ireland rocks!
    All the boys used to call her “the fox”
    Yeah! She’s back in New York!
    Fine’ly left County Cork!
    Couldn’t wait to have boxty and lox.

  3. Paul Haebig says:

    Last winter I went to Aruba
    to paddleboard, snorkel, and scuba.
    When I got to the place
    I’d brought the wrong case!
    I had to breathe air through my tuba.

    My snorkeling tuba gave pause
    to the other beach-goers because
    when I came up for air
    the sound said “Beware!”
    It played the theme music from “Jaws”.

  4. Paul Haebig says:

    Our temple’s new cantor, Veronica,
    was installed on the first night of Chanukah.
    We sang “Ma’oz tzur”
    but I made for the door
    when she led “Bar’chu” on harmonica.

  5. Paul Haebig says:

    My guinea pig learned to play cello!
    He can play “He’s a jolly good fellow.”
    I give him rewards
    when he hits the right chords;
    his favorite’s pineapple jello.

  6. Diane Groothuis says:

    My musical taste is quite fickle
    And mostly I don’t give a pickle
    Beethoven and Bach
    Aren’t my sort of lark
    I just play the juke box with a nickel

  7. Diane Groothuis says:

    I went on a trip to Bangkok
    And received a most terrible shock
    These intruders each night
    Had me quaking in fright
    All because the front door had no lock.

  8. Mike Young says:

    In Scotland I lived near the lochs
    But I never enjoyed eating lox
    My mum said “Lawks-a-mussy
    You really are fussy
    Off to your room and make sure the door locks”.

  9. Mike Young says:

    We’ve put up with the President’s trumpet.
    We were glad when the time came to dump it.
    Now we’re Biden our time
    For no instruments rhyme
    And the White House must just learn to lump it!

  10. John Shardlow says:


    The wife of Sir John Thomas Knox
    Shed a tear when he left for the docks
    He’d left a belt round her waist
    For keeping her chaste
    But the knaves were picking the locks

  11. Brian Allgar says:

    I’ve taken my dog for a treat
    To the restaurant where I often eat.
    I order, and they
    Lead my doggie away;
    I suppose it’s to give him some meat.

    They bring me my lunch in a box,
    But inside, I see something that shocks.
    “You have roasted my dog!”
    And the waiter, agog,
    Says “I thought you said ‘Beagle with lox’.”

  12. Diane Groothuis says:

    A Scotsman who played on the fife
    I’ll remember the rest of my life
    For under his kilt
    He was very well built
    Which quite often caused him some strife.

  13. Kirk Miller says:

    The choice of their horns did nettle
    The marchers, who had to settle
    For some tubas to blow
    At the half-time show;
    While marching, they played “heavy metal.”

  14. Brian Allgar says:

    Brass players who’ve drunk enough beer
    Can make sounds like a raucous Bronx cheer.
    Let’s hire some to play
    And send Trump on his way
    When the Glorious Twentieth’s here

  15. Lisi Nortman says:

    Louis Armstrong was clearly a treat!
    With that trumpet, “Ole Satch” kept the beat.
    This musician, (so great)
    Sure carried his weight.
    And we listened to him with our feet.

  16. Lisi Nortman says:

    true story, but a bit embellished for the limerick….1962: My nice Irish Catholic boyfriend had his first taste of “belly lox”, which is even stronger and saltier than Nova. (He still remembers this experience)
    “The lox in my kitchen”

    “Is this the stuff people call lox?”
    “It IS, Pete, the flavor sure rocks”
    He took a small bite,
    Then went into flight.
    And still goes for electrical shocks.

  17. Lisi Nortman says:

    To my “Shrink Doc” I finally said:
    “There are so many tears I have shed.
    I tried the bass drum,
    But it still didn’t numb
    That annoying, weird voice in my head”.

  18. Rudy Landesman says:

    I have some bad news, and it shocks.
    The delis are selling fake lox.
    And I’m telling you
    This has to be true,
    Because I just got it from Fox.

  19. Lisi Nortman says:

    It’s hard to find a good surgical nurse these days!

    “Please bring in the instruments, Faye.
    This stone must come out right away”
    She came back with a flute
    And an unfretted lute.
    It seems she brought in the wrong tray.

  20. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick…..line three: Could you please change “She brought in a flute” to….She came back with a flute

    Thank you,


  21. Jean McEwen says:

    I have learned, through the school of hard knocks,
    That protecting my bagels with lox
    Is not efficacious–
    ‘Cause others, rapacious,
    Still grab them away, much like hawks.

  22. Jean McEwen says:

    The tools that proctologist’s use
    Are like shoe horns with clamps, prongs, and screws.
    But when ‘rhoids get to raging
    They need some assuaging.
    Submit, then—or suffer. You choose!

  23. Lisi Nortman says:

    The surgeon was clever and smart.
    His instruments: “State Of The Art”
    Yet the procedure went wrong.
    Though the patient was strong,
    Seems the man known as Trump had no heart.

  24. Lisi Nortman says:

    Some hobbies I feel I do well in.
    But music’s the thing I excel in.
    When mom comes home from work,
    She never will smirk.
    She knows I will say, “I’m just cellin”

  25. Sue Dulley says:

    I love my antique-store barometer
    Combined with a handy thermometer.
    Three instruments, all
    In one place on the wall;
    The third one, of course, a hygrometer.

  26. Sue Dulley says:

    My bell rings, then somebody knocks
    On my door. I unlock all the locks –
    No-one’s there any more!
    Just to open the door
    Took me seventeen minutes, approx.

  27. Brian Allgar says:

    With his predatory grin like a croc’s,
    And that toupée with yellowing locks,
    His face twisted with fury,
    He won’t charm the jury
    When up in the court witness-box.

  28. Trump’s lackeys are backing up trucks
    and Lincoln has gone in a box.
    In addition to screening
    the White House for cleaning
    now Biden will have to change locks.

  29. Sjaan vandenBroeder says:

    “Since this tambourine chafes at my thumb,”
    Said young Starkey, “I guess I’ll just hum.”
    But the kid would go far,
    And when grown be a Starr,
    Once he ended up snaring a drum.

  30. Tim James says:

    Said a globe-trotting fellow named Cox:
    “I love Norway and Scotland! Each rocks!
    Norway’s better. It’s true
    That the Scots are great too,
    But I pine for the fjords…not the lochs.”

  31. Sondra Landin says:

    I purchased a box without locks
    A good place to keep all my stocks
    I hid it right here
    It did disappear
    And now I can’t even buy socks!

    I needed to color my locks
    I chose a new hue from a box
    My hair did turn green!
    Can’t let it be seen!
    I guess I’ll crawl under some rocks.

  32. Charles Simmons says:

    A neighbor would practice her oboe
    Late at night ’til the cocks would crow
    So beautiful I’d weep
    But, I needed my sleep
    So I scared her to bed with my banjo.

  33. Charles Simmons says:

    A fisherman down by the locks
    Kept all his fish in a box
    At the end of the day
    To his dismay
    His catch had been stole by a fox.

  34. Charles Simmons says:

    The band plays music that rocks
    The singer is a gorgeous fox
    With horns that wail
    Up and down every scale
    Guaranteed to knock off your socks.

  35. Diane Groothuis says:

    A gal whose big eyes said “Come Hither”
    Was frightfully skilled on the zither.
    With that message despatched
    There were no strings attached
    So she’d “go” them but not take them with ‘er

  36. Charles Simmons says:

    Mad Kane is renowned for her oboe
    And I play a pretty good banjo
    If we got together
    We could play “Stormy Weather”
    Like a volcano ready to blow.

    Apologies Mad, couldn’t resist .

  37. Lisi Nortman says:

    Colonoscopies here are sure nice.
    Our instrument’s quite a device.
    Right into the tube,
    We always infuse
    A fresh and real sweet pumpkin spice.

  38. Tony Holmes says:

    I thought, ‘Spending a day in the stocks
    Might be fun.’ I was wrong! As the locks
    Were clicked shut, some cod roes
    Hit me square on the nose.
    Take my tip! Don’t offend near the docks.

  39. Tony Holmes says:

    I was billed as, ‘This slip of a lad.’
    (Yes, you’ve guessed, he who slipped was my dad.)
    Though a skilled man with locks,
    He had no heart for shocks,
    ‘And keeled over,’ so mum says, ‘the cad!’

  40. Lisi Nortman says:

    Hello! I’m the janitor, Mike.
    Your surgeon right now is on strike.
    Do not worry, my friend.
    Pull your pants down and bend.
    I’ll remove all your piles with this spike.

  41. Tony Holmes says:

    As one raised in the school of hard knocks,
    I’ve acquired certain skills picking locks.
    Moral compass awry,
    I’ve found ways to get by,
    And my pleasures at Madame Hickok’s.

  42. Tony Holmes says:

    Whoa, there, Lisi! desist with that spike!
    I appeal on behalf of poor Mike.
    Piles, it’s true, are no fun,
    Butt – yes, I know it’s a pun –
    On behalf of us all – Take A Hike!

  43. Sjaan vandenBroeder says:

    I cache all of my cookies in crocks;
    I stash scones in a box labeled “socks.”
    My sweet buns are hidden,
    In places forbidden,
    And I fortify bagels with locks.

  44. Tony Holmes says:

    Write in haste, revise at leisure …

    Whoa, there, Lisi! Desist with that spike!
    I appeal on behalf of poor Mike.
    Piles, it’s true, are no fun,
    Butt – I know it’s a pun –
    On behalf of us all, ‘Take A Hike!’

  45. Lisi Nortman says:

    Now Tony, I sure did guffaw
    At that comment you need to withdraw.
    I will not take a hike.
    Our dear Mike used a spike
    Cause he just couldn’t locate his saw.

  46. Tony Holmes says:

    Oh, impetuous fool! Get it right!
    Mike’s the janitor probing the plight.
    That aside, stay his hand!
    Just the thought – I’m unmanned.
    I imagine he thinks he’s a knight.

  47. Lisi Nortman says:

    Don’t worry Tony, I’m thinkin’ of a good one for you, but now I must proceed with something I just thought of

    In my lifetime, I seen many “docs’.
    E.g. colds, aching feet, chicken pox.
    With not one single cure,
    I am Fine-ally sure
    That the only corrective is lox.

  48. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: I dont’ say ”I seen”……(line one above limerick) I say, of course, I’ve seen. That was an “oops” sorry

  49. Tony Holmes says:

    Probing Mike, will, I think, know the score,
    And won’t make any moves with the saw.
    No, his elbow may jerk.
    He’ll need more room to work,
    And that won’t be forthcoming, I’m sure.

  50. Lisi Nortman says:

    For Tony

    That patient has put 50 locks
    On his tush, which he’s covered with socks.
    He has moved far away
    To a flat in Bombay.
    And gets weekly electrical shocks.

  51. Tony Holmes says:

    For Lisi …

    Can you blame him, poor chap. But Bombay?
    That’s a terribly long way away.
    Yet, with Mike on his trail –
    Gimlet eye on his tail –
    I expect he’s extending his stay.

  52. Lisi Nortman says:

    I can’t seem to get this thing right!
    Is the reason because I’m not bright?
    I hear booing and hissing.
    Are bagpipes the missing
    Weird link between loud sound and sight?

  53. Tony Holmes says:

    The electrical shocks? Not for piles?
    No, of course not. (Occasion for smiles.)
    But that means it’s for shock –
    Michael running amok.
    All of which surely adds to his trials.

  54. Roger Haugen says:

    Scotsmen who swim in the lochs
    Have a condition worse than the pox;
    With not enough heat
    To thaw out their meat,
    They’re coping with flash-frozen cocks.

  55. Lisi Nortman says:

    I love you, my sweet darling, Gretel.
    Please marry me, so we can settle.
    I too, like “Black Rose”
    Go to nightmarish shows.
    And my tuba is real heavy metal.

  56. Sondra Landin says:

    She ordered some bagels with lox
    The bagels were harder than rocks
    She bit into one
    But wasn’t yet done
    Her dentist sent bills that were shocks.

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    For Tony

    Since Mike had to suffer with locks,
    He stood firm on Bombay for his shocks.
    Cuz in their IV
    Which is known as “Esprit”
    They insert Vodka Gimlet On Rocks.

  58. Tony Holmes says:

    Cornish fishermen do it in smocks –
    Though a few of them much prefer frocks.
    Either way, it gets done.
    Deep-sea fishing’s no fun,
    So, at weekends they play on the Lochs.

  59. Tony Holmes says:

    For Lisi

    Vodka G? Epidural for shocks.
    That will teach him to tamper with locks.
    Tell them, ‘Hold the Esprit’ –
    I, myself, prefer tea –
    And the barman they won’t need the rocks.

  60. Tony Holmes says:

    For Lisi – Mike: A Hero For Our Times

    In the annals of lancing, ‘Sir’ Mike,
    Armed with only his thrusting steel spike,
    Brought relief to male rears,
    Relief mingled with fears,
    For they never knew when he would strike.

  61. Amrita Valan says:

    Purr… hiss… a cat on the prowl
    Finds humans sadistic ghouls!
    Why poach such fragrant fish,
    In cream, a most delicious dish,
    And yet if a cat steals it call her
    most foul?

  62. Lisi Nortman says:

    I felt I was just on the brink.
    I shed tears and I cried to my shrink:
    “My piccolo shows
    Have come to a close,
    Cause they’re driving the doggies to drink”

  63. Sondra Landin says:

    She labored on pieces for flute
    The pain in her fingers…acute
    She squeaked and she tooted
    But everyone hooted
    “That’s music?”, the question is moot.

  64. Rudy Landesman says:

    I just revised the limerick I submitted on Jan 19th. Could you possibly delete that and enter this (think) improved version.
    Than you.

    There once was a man from Bolzano*
    A genius at playing the piano
    He used just one hand
    On his baby grand
    And mastered it mano a mano

    *Bolzano, Italy, where I was born. I don’t play the piano.


    From Mad Kane: Done.

  65. Daisy Ward says:

    He quickly ordered a red lox
    But instead got a red fox
    He sent his plate back
    Chef calls him a jack
    Cuz, his fish was really a lox

  66. Daisy Ward says:

    He twindled with his brass flute
    Which tossed him out of his boot
    The symbols kicked his ass
    Then called him third class
    He thought the flute was a brut

  67. Brian Allgar says:

    Will Donald Trump fall on his sword as
    Joe issues executive orders?
    These instruments, signed,
    Will inflame Donald’s mind –
    Let us hope he’s restrained by his warders.

  68. Brian Allgar says:

    The crew were enjoying their frolics,
    Applying their oars in the rowlocks,
    Till one of the team
    Let out a loud scream –
    The poor fellow had sat on his bollocks!

  69. Lisi Nortman says:

    We formed an official committee.
    This guy was disturbing the city.
    He played the kazoo,
    Which made us all blue.
    We put him in jail, (what a pity)

    We formed yet another committee.
    This girl was disturbing the city.
    The cowbells she played.
    It made us afraid.
    We put her in jail, (what a pity)

  70. Tim James says:

    A composer just lost it one day;
    Now his music is hellish to play.
    The percussion’s a roar,
    Overwhelming the score.
    It’s a cymbal of mental decay.

  71. Lisi Nortman says:

    The triangle’s real hard to play.
    I practiced it ev-er-y day.
    But I failed in geometry,
    And trigonometry.
    The procedure just led me astray.

  72. Lisi Nortman says:

    If you want to be sly like a fox,
    Here’s a prank that I think really rocks.
    Find somebody’s bike.
    Any one that you like.
    And fasten your lock to his locks.

  73. Lisi Nortman says:


    If you want to be sly like a fox,
    Here’s a prank that I think really rocks:
    Find somebody’s bike.
    Any bike that you like.
    And lock up the locks with your locks.

  74. Tony Holmes says:

    No one gets to be great in this life –
    I’m discounting the ambitious wife –
    Without banging his drum
    Till the moment has come,
    To bring in the horn – not the fife.

  75. Tony Holmes says:

    Mad, would you be so kind as to add the ‘t’ to make ‘the’ instead of ‘he’ in line five above. Thnk you.


  76. Tony Holmes says:

    I have visions of Lisi let loose
    On a world unsuspecting – no truce!
    Faced with multiple locks,
    Cyclists reel from the shocks.
    Naughty antics, Ms Fox. “It’s abuse!”

  77. Tony Holmes says:

    Addendum to Lisi let loose:

    You might say they’ll get over the shocks.
    That it does them no harm to pick locks.
    If you don’t like my wheeze,
    Well, tough luck and hard cheese!
    Coming next! I’ll be toying with jocks.

  78. Sjaan vandenBroeder says:

    As a kid Clara played clarinet
    With such passion she’d work up a sweat.
    “Ode to Joy” she did toot
    While the boys would all hoot.
    Did she know the word ‘phallic’? Not yet.

  79. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Viola Lessons”

    I thought I was moving and grooving.
    But “teach” said, “You’re sure not improving.
    I can’t stand that creaking,
    And maddening squeaking,
    So please tell your bow to stop moving!”

  80. Tim James says:

    My friend, who’s a cool refined Brit,
    Never curses, not even a bit.
    When life deals him hard knocks
    He exclaims only “Lawks!”
    As for me, though, I just go with “Shit!”

  81. Sondra Landin says:

    We’re done with the lies and the mocks
    We’re tired of the fake news from Fox
    The Donald is out
    And now we can shout
    Our Potus is springing the locks!

  82. Lisi Nortman says:

    the instrument of the maestro

    The maestro, you’ll notice is raised
    On the podium, where he is praised.
    Up there on his stand
    He will stately command
    The ensemble which sits there and prays.

  83. Tony Holmes says:

    Nimble fingers will pick their guitars –
    In some cases, their long-necked sitars.
    Those of criminal mind
    Will pick pockets – unkind! –
    And the rake works his magic with bras.

  84. Lisi Nortman says:

    instrument of love

    I’ve an instrument, utterly great.
    If you touch it, you’ll be my best date.
    So please take my hand.
    You’ll see something that’s grand.
    And voila! Guaranteed to inflate.

  85. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: this is better ……..L5 And voila! Guaranteed to inflate.
    L5 limerick above.
    Could you please change that for me?
    Thank you, Lisi


  86. Mike Sullivan says:

    Our bagel shop drew in the flocks
    But our marriage was still on the rocks.
    If the judge lets her choose
    then our business we’ll lose.
    She’ll decide that she’s changing the lox.

  87. Roger Haugen says:

    Luigi sinks into a swoon
    Upon hearing a classical tune;
    Especially the Scherzo
    From the Triple Concerto
    For Two Hoboes and Double Buffoon.

  88. Mike Sullivan says:

    The US Marine Band does pass
    As musicians of near world class.
    When you earn the first chair,
    a general does declare
    “You are now the top brass’ top brass”

  89. Mike Sullivan says:

    Though the US Marine Band can’t pass
    As muscians of near world class.
    If you earn the first chair
    A general will declare
    “You are now the top brass’ top brass”

  90. Paul Haebig says:

    A composer in French Polynesia
    Relies on his strong synesthesia.
    “Each time I see yellow
    I write for the cello.
    It just couldn’t be any easi-ah!

    “For example, the color maroon
    to me sounds just like a bassoon.
    Each color I see
    is a new symphony!
    I wrote three, and it’s not even Noon.”

  91. Tony Holmes says:

    Instruments Of Torture

    “Your first time on the rack? Have no fear!
    We’re all very professional here.
    Bill’s the expert in front –
    Always pays to be blunt –
    And I, modestly, bring up the rear.”

    “Now, let’s see. This should loosen your tongue.
    Let you hang for a bit from this rung.
    Bill’s just warming his tongs,
    And his three-pointed prongs.
    I do hope you’re not too highly strung.”

    “A confession! So soon! Oh, for shame!
    My dear chap! That’s not playing the game.
    Can’t you wait for a bit?
    Bill is having a fit,
    And it looks as though I’ll get the blame.”

  92. Tony Holmes says:

    Sorry, Mad. Please do delete the tfirst two posts above. Thank you.


  93. Doug Harris says:

    Pro-nunciation, it’s true,
    ‘Twixt us and the States can construe
    Problems. Like ‘lochs’
    Which do not sound like ‘rocks’
    But the first part of ‘och aye the noo’.

  94. Kirk Miller says:

    Claustrophics are unorthodox,
    And their mindset is one that unlocks
    Creativity, so
    I suppose you should know
    That their thinking’s outside of the box.

  95. Mark G. Kane says:

    Town fathers, afraid for their flocks
    of women, imposed panty locks
    To guard their pure chastity,
    Thwarting tenacity
    Of men, with their raging young cocks.

  96. Lisi Nortman says:

    Have you ever tried real tasty lox?
    The flavor is great, it sure rocks.
    Just take a small bite.
    The texture’s just right.
    (All the medics cure Dr. Brown’s pox)

  97. Lisi Nortman says:

    Have you ever tried real tasty lox?
    The flavor is great, it sure rocks.
    Take your time, do not hurry.
    When your vision gets blurry,
    (All the medics cure Dr. Brown’s pox)

  98. Lisi Nortman says:

    (That was the second one) one and two limericks above

  99. Tim James says:

    She plays lyre; he can’t manage a song.
    Once they married, she knew she’d gone wrong
    ‘Cause the guy is a schmuck.
    But she’s showing some pluck
    As she harps on his faults all day long.

  100. Mike Sullivan says:

    better tense fit…

    Our bagel shop draws in the flocks
    But our marriage is still on the rocks
    If the judge lets her choose
    Our business we’ll lose
    She’ll decide that she’s changing the lox.

  101. Sjaan vandenBroeder says:

    Chicken Licken clucked word to the flocks:
    “Feathered troops, bar your coops, there’s a fox!”
    “Barricade them with WHAT?”
    Crowed the roosters, “A strut?”
    O foul fate! For, too late, they heard “Lawks!”

  102. Tony Holmes says:

    Instruments of leisure?

    Keep your batteries charged, night and day.
    You’ll be ready for action that way.
    “Disappointment! It’s flat!”
    No, you wouldn’t want that.
    ‘Far too much like a man,’ you might say.

  103. Tony Holmes says:

    Faulty instruments, or pilot error?

    “’Scuse me, captain, but this can’t be right?
    If it is, then we’ve lost all our height.”
    “It might be. Hard to tell.
    Any sign of the swell?
    Damn and blast! I hate flying at night.”

  104. Sondra Landin says:

    She drank too much wine with her lox.
    She needed some time to detox
    But somewhat hung over
    Her giddiness drove her
    To switch right to vodka, no rocks!

  105. Lisi Nortman says:

    similar. yet more generic than the one from Jan.17th at 1:29 PM

    Jazz musicians all keep their own beat.
    Some styles are real funky, yet sweet.
    But the ones who are great,
    Sure carry their weight.
    And we listen to them with our feet.

  106. Lisi Nortman says:

    better than Jan. 21st. 6:21 PM

    The triangle’s real hard to play.
    Though I practiced it ev-er-y day.
    But I failed in geometry
    (A “joke” trigonometry)
    And a circle goes ev’ry which way.

  107. Tony Holmes says:

    When your instrument fails to respond
    And you’re sunk in the slough of despond,
    Keep your pecker up, lad!
    Take a tip from your dad.
    Leave the brunettes alone and try blonde.

  108. Diane Groothuis says:

    Oleg a quite handsome young Russian
    Performed on orchestral percussion
    And with vodka all fuelled
    His act really ruled
    Though his hairstyle could do with some brushin’

  109. Rudy Landesman says:

    Both Romeo AND Juliet
    Were poisoned. On that I would bet.
    They’d eaten some lox
    And died of that pox
    Mercutio in motion had set

  110. Tony Holmes says:


    “Oh, felatio has its rewards!
    That’s, of course, if they strike the chords.
    NEVER blow! Please don’t chew.
    (Should this happen to you,
    Please refer to the ‘Blow Job Accords’.)”

  111. Tony Holmes says:

    “Oh, felatio has its rewards!
    That’s, of course, if they strike right the chords.
    NEVER blow! Please don’t chew.
    (Should this happen to you,
    Please refer to the ‘Blow Job Accords’.)”

    I seem to be getting worse. Sorry!

  112. Suzanne Heymann says:

    I’m a pigging-out queen, yes, a master
    Of creating digestive disaster.
    I eat five pounds of lox
    That drop down to my socks.
    What goes in will just come out less faster!

  113. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Between boulders on one of his walks,
    He found whiskey in crates without locks
    His luck WENT up a notch;
    When nobody would watch
    Him get drunk drinking Scotch on the rocks.

  114. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Nessie’s not the sole monster who stalks
    The deep waters and shorelines of lochs.
    Now don’t have a spasm
    Each continent has ’em
    In watery chasms and rocks.

  115. Suzanne Heymann says:

    (Two in One)

    What makes people say, “Hey, Scotland rocks!”?
    Bagpipes, KILTS, haggis, whiskey and lochs
    Castles, Highlands, I guess
    Scottish sheep’s wool, no less
    Don’t forget that (Loch) Nessie haunts docks!

  116. Suzanne Heymann says:

    There’s a glitch on my instrument panel
    No response to my Mayday!-Help! channel
    That air traffic controller –
    A snoring patroller
    Just sleeps on the job wearing flannel.

  117. Suzanne Heymann says:

    After working my bones to the max,
    I go home, sit, drink wine and relax.
    When Dave Brubeck plays live,
    I revive and I jive
    With “Take Five” on piano and sax.

  118. Suzanne Heymann says:

    (true story… which happened at my music jam session)

    My guitar’s blasted G string had broke.
    Smart remarks that mishap did provoke –
    “Oh Suzanne, won’t you please
    Just perform a striptease?”
    The whole band never ceases to joke!

  119. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Learning flute was a bitch, I recall.
    Before blowing air forward at all,
    Both your lips have to ape
    A wee hole that’s the shape
    Of a diamond, agape, but still small.

    I could not make that magical sound
    But in wheezes and hisses, I drowned.
    Upper lip had a bump
    Quite a big fleshy lump
    Threw the flute in the dump as I frowned.

  120. Suzanne Heymann says:

    My mean sister has kids with all thumbs.
    When I spoil them, they just take what comes.
    I’m not obsessional,
    Only progressional.
    Got them professional drums.

  121. Suzanne Heymann says:

    I played bagpipes with songs I compiled
    But my hopes of much praise were reviled.
    My old Gramps would assail –
    “I can hear the cat wail!
    Just stop pulling its tail, you bad child!”

  122. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Glenn Miller’s lead trumpeter quit..
    Cut his lip, it had split (holy shit!)
    Would the audience swoon
    To a clarinet’s croon?
    Saved the day, ’cause the tune was a hit!

  123. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The instrument used to make babies
    Makes men BATTY, you’d think they had rabies!
    But if there’s an itch
    And they scratch like a bitch,
    Diagnosis will switch to damn scabies.

  124. Suzanne Heymann says:

    (true story)

    Had a Jew’s harp, and played a fun game
    Sat in back of my classroom, took aim.
    I would pluck with my thumb
    ‘Gainst my teeth and would strum.
    Kids could NOT tell where from the sound came!

    …’ Cause I quickly would hide it right after
    The “boing” sound; and all would look dafter
    Than cows with no tits
    And a case of the shits
    Then they’d break out in fits of great laughter.

  125. Suzanne Heymann says:

    When Fred Flintstone became the Grand Poobah,
    The band played with many a tuba.
    Sounded LIKE a big fart
    So their fame fell apart.
    They got sent to the heart of East Cuba.

  126. Sjaan vandenBroeder says:

    When I spot on some neighborhood blocks,
    Cardboard shelters with duct tape for locks,
    I strive not to berate
    Any soul in a crate
    Who prefers to think inside the box.

  127. Tim James says:

    Dr. Frankenstein built me a fox:
    Pretty face, framed by long, lovely locks.
    But he did something odd
    While constructing her bod.
    Let’s just say I’ll be needing two cocks.

  128. Mike Sullivan says:

    For famed freighter Captain Susan Cox
    Traffic at the canal never blocks
    Her main money backer
    Calls her “the safecracker”
    Due to her skill at picking the locks.

  129. Tony Holmes says:

    A Legal Instrument?

    It is said of the ancients, online,
    That a farmer, imposing a fine,
    Could demand of a thief,
    “Perform oral relief!”
    That’s a very brave farmer. Not mine!

  130. Lisi Nortman says:

    just noticed a rhyming error from January 19th, at 11:35 AM
    I rhymed tube with infuse. correction:

    Colonoscopies here are real nice.
    Our instrument’s quite a device.
    We make sure that the tube
    Is coated with lube.
    Then insert a real sweet pumpkin spice.

  131. Sjaan vandenBroeder says:

    Of those sins that wash up on the rocks —
    Tattered clothes, shattered toes (still in sox!) —
    Horrid sights that appall,
    What’s the worst one of all?
    Ruined salmon that could have been lox!

  132. Sondra Landin says:

    The pro led a life of hard knocks.
    She never had tasted good lox.
    But she did share a tale
    As she looked for a male,
    Of ‘big fish’ she’d ‘caught’ near the docks.

  133. Lisi Nortman says:

    another correction of rhyming error in which I rhymed praised with prays:
    1/23 at 1:21 PM

    The Baton, the “Wicked Stick”

    The music conductor is raised
    On a podium, where he is praised.
    With that stick in his hand,
    He’s convinced that he’s grand,
    And acts like a person who’s crazed.

  134. Lisi Nortman says:

    same rhyming error from 1/23….same time thought of another one


    The music conductor is raised
    On a podium, where he is praised.
    But when carried away,
    He puts on a display
    Like a loony who’s totally crazed.

  135. Rudy Landesman says:

    Ms. Lisi had chats with our Tony
    Their riffs in this venue were toney
    Their lim’ricks by far
    Were just wunderbar
    As played on their Steinway Baloney

  136. Mark G. Kane says:

    Late at night, at her door first he knocks
    then he uses her key and unlocks.
    As promised, she’s waiting,
    For passionate mating.
    His fox wearing nothing but socks.

  137. Lisi Nortman says:

    Removal Of The Adrenal Gland (a fairly common procedure)

    The surgeon was very perplexed.
    The new instrument sure made him vexed.
    So with laptop in hand,
    He clicked on “The Gland”
    Which explained what the hell to do next.

  138. Sharon Neeman says:

    I asked Santa to bring me a cello,
    But St. Nick only laughed: “My dear fellow,
    That won’t fit in my sled;
    Try this weed here, instead,
    If you’re looking for smooth, rich, and mellow.”

  139. Sharon Neeman says:


    Monday morning, the deli boss (Fox)
    Encountered the rudest of shocks:
    The Sunday guy (Bridges)
    Had burgled the fridges!
    Fox had to replace all the lox / locks.

  140. Mark G. Kane says:

    Here’s my combo . . .

    The practice rooms all had these locks,
    Putting his jam in a box.
    But for a small fee
    He purchased a key.
    And now at least one piano rocks.

  141. madkane says:

    The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  142. Brian Allgar says:

    “Grasp it firmly with both hands”, he said,
    “Now get over it, lower your head,
    Purse your lips, and then blow.
    Ah, that’s lovely! Just so!”
    … She was learning the flute – you misread?

  143. Sharon Neeman says:

    The oboe’s a querulous breed.
    What produces its yowls? Double reed —
    But, for me, I will say
    Reading two books a day
    Offers far greater pleasure indeed.

  144. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Response to Brian Allgar…

    You have led us right into temptation
    With your rhyme’s instrumental narration.
    Your male READERS will swear
    And then howl in despair
    With your incomplete rare demonstration!

  145. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Response to Sharon Neeman…

    Then you’ve never heard Mr. Marcello
    With his oboe concerto so mellow
    Second movement/ C minor
    There’s no sound diviner,
    Nor sweeter, nor finer, dear fellow.

    Then there’s oboe by Mozart and Bach
    Scarlatti, Vivaldi – they rock!
    Joseph Haydn’s notes roll
    Handel’s good for the soul
    Fills my heart’s empty hole ’round the clock!

  146. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 462 . Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Main.

  147. Daisy Ward says:

    The lady was slinging her mane
    Until it was caught on a train
    It cut her hair short
    So, she went out and bought
    A wig with a triple inch mane

  148. Daisy Ward says:

    My stimulus paid some bills
    It came from capitol hill
    I said, give more please
    They was such a tease
    The fight to pass it gave me a chill