Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SPELL or DISPEL OR MISSPELL at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: November 21, 2020)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SPELL or DISPEL OR MISSPELL at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to CONFESSIONS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best CONFESSION-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on November 22, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, November 21, 2020 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my SPELL or DISPEL OR MISSPELL-rhyme limerick:

A pickpocket, locked in a cell,
Describes it as “nitemarish hell.”
Now the skell’s penned a book;
Hopes to sell it by hook
Or by crook. But the schnook just can’t spell.

And here’s my CONFESSIONS-themed limerick:

A fellow confessed he was bi
To his wife, who replied “I won’t lie;
I’m upset.” (Her tears flowed.)
“So here’s what I’m owed:
A three-way with you and your guy.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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135 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SPELL or DISPEL OR MISSPELL at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: November 21, 2020)”

  1. Paul Haebig says:

    “Please bless me, O Father, I’ve sinned,”
    he said in a voice like Paul Lynde.
    The priest pulled back the screen
    and said “Have I seen
    you somewhere before?” as he grinned.

  2. Bob Turvey says:

    Said a Catholic, “My sins come in shoals,
    And they stop me attaining God’s goals.”
    At Confession he said
    That he farted in bed.
    So do I,” said the priest. “Bless our souls.”

  3. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Cath’lic priests expect YOU to confess
    Then they just might absolve you and bless;
    Yet they seem to escape
    Any charges of rape
    And we can’t cut red tape of this mess!

  4. Suzanne Heymann says:

    A confession box is a dumb place
    Where it does no good hiding your face.
    Its a fact-finding mission
    That needs no magician
    For voice recognition, to trace!

  5. Suzanne Heymann says:

    I’m a witch and I’ve cast a dark spell
    On the idiot cheetoh from hell.
    Just don’t bother to quiz
    ‘Cause that carcass of his
    Will be hauled to a prisoner’s cell.

  6. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Biden’s victory ought to dispel
    Any fears upon which you might dwell.
    Just breathe, ’cause the scary
    Man’s gone, so be merry!
    The air has a very sweet smell.

  7. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Now that Rump has been sent back to hell…
    Oh, oopsy, did I just misspell?
    I don’t think so; I’m right!
    That big ass, day and night
    Always had a bad shite kind of smell!

  8. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Oopsy Mad, in the limerick above (8:22 p.m.), I realized too late that line 1 is supposed to end in ‘dispel’, not ‘dispel now’. Would you be so kind and remove all the ‘nows’ from lines 1, 2, and 5 please? Thanks.

    ******
    Done.

  9. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Now just watch the Republicans cower
    And abandon trump in his last hour
    They’re too scared to confess
    That they’ll no more obsess
    Kissing butt of that mess with no power.

  10. Paul Haebig says:

    A traveler lost in a blizzard
    encountered a powerful wizard.
    It didn’t end well;
    the wizard’s foul spell
    transformed the man into a lizard!

  11. Doug Harris says:

    Old Merlin ain’t feeling too well,
    “This brewing of leeches is hell.
    Dismembering toads
    Is disturbing me loads,
    I think I’ll lie down for a spell …”

  12. Tony Holmes says:

    Does a woman, when casting her spell,
    Take account of the imminent swell?
    Does she leave lots of room
    For his manhood to bloom?
    I’m assuming of course, she can tell.

  13. Tony Holmes says:

    Seems confession is good for a soul.
    I, for one, have gained much on the whole.
    I confessed what I’d seen
    To my dad and Darleen,
    And they added some cash to my roll.

  14. Tony Holmes says:

    Mad, would you add a ‘b’ to loom in the fourth line of the limerick posted 11/8 at 7:53am, please. Thank you.

    ***
    Done.

  15. Jeanine Silverio says:

    “Would you like to confess” was her query
    “About what?” I asked, suddenly wary
    “About you and my sister –
    I know that you kissed her.”
    “You’re WRONG -that was my SECRETARY!”

  16. Brian Allgar says:

    Goodbye, Donald ‘Lame’ Duck!

    I confess I am proud that, by wit
    And derision, I, too, did my bit;
    During four years, I’m sure
    That my limericks galore
    Must have helped to get rid of that shit.

  17. Brian Allgar says:

    He’d been cursed by a spell, and it showed.
    “Turn me back to a Prince, like I’m owed!”
    But the spell went amiss;
    The electorate’s kiss
    Turned the frog to a poisonous toad.

  18. Brian Allgar says:

    Trump has lost! Bloody hell and damnation!
    I confess, though I’m pleased for the nation,
    I cannot see how
    I’ll write limericks now –
    Where on earth will I find inspiration?

  19. Lisi Nortman says:

    True Fact: A confession, other than something you did, can also be something
    you want to do: (a thought in your mind)

    “Forgive me, my sin is a “wanna”
    I wanna to feel up that girl, Shawna.
    She sure is a looker,
    And built like a hooker.
    I wanna, and so I am gonna”.

  20. Sharon Neeman says:

    This may not be a subject for jokes,
    But I’m one of a whole bunch of folks
    Who’d be pleased if a spell
    Turned the Leader from Hell
    To a frog… and won’t mind if he croaks.

  21. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Please forgive me, and let me explain.
    I “tossed off” I just couldn’t restrain.
    What a wonderful pleasure:
    (A magical treasure”)
    “Say a prayer, Boy, we’re all into pain”

  22. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oh mommy, I think I’m unwell.
    Feels like Satan has cast a bad spell.
    “Not to worry, my dear,
    Just have one kid each year,
    Or your life will be one bloody hell “

  23. Brian Allgar says:

    Ooops! I’ve just realised that in the limerick before last, although I used ‘spell’ twice, I forgot to use it as a rhymeword! Bother!

    *******
    from Mad:

    LOL! Blame it on all the election excitement.

  24. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I have a confession to tell;
    All night I’ve been casting this spell:
    “Bobbidi Bibbidi
    Statutes of Libbidi —
    Trump lawyers don’t raise holy hell!”

  25. Richard Campbell says:

    Hi, I’m Rick; I’m a limerickaholic.
    Through these fun little verses I frolic,
    Neglecting my wife
    And all else in my life.
    (These poems are so damn diabolic!)

    As I lie awake nights, I confesses
    I’m not counting sheep, only stresses.
    Is that line “da da DUM”?
    Will the rhyme to me come?
    All my lims seem meandering messes.

    Is there help somewhere, ‘fore I just drop?
    I feel like my brain’s gonna pop.
    So I must get away,
    At least for one day.
    (What the heck. Just one more. Then I’ll stop!)

  26. Brian Allgar says:

    (Here’s a new version. I prefer the first one, but this at least uses the rhyme-word as a rhyme!)

    He’d been cursed by a spell, and it showed.
    “Turn me back to a Prince, like I’m owed!”
    But the blue-voting swell,
    Far from breaking the spell,
    Turned the frog to a poisonous toad.

  27. Paul Haebig says:

    I call, um, the powers of hell…
    I can never remember this spell!
    To mix up the potion
    which way is the motion?
    And how many tolls of the bell?

  28. Lisi Nortman says:

    I used to be “Miss Prostitution”.
    I feared very grave retribution.
    I confessed to The Father.
    He said, “No need to bother;
    I always give sluts absolution”.

  29. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick, Line 4: Can you please change, “He said, Babe don’t bother. to He said, “No need to bother”

    Thank you,
    Lisi

    ***********

    Done.

  30. Lisi Nortman says:

    True: My mother always gave me “lessons” (of course, with love)
    This was one of her lessons from the 50’s:

    When young, I was given strict lessons.
    I called them the “Sunday night sessions”
    Mom said, “Always say “please”
    “Do not be a tease”
    And God said, “Don’t read “True Confessions”

  31. Jean McEwen says:

    Priests must sublimate all their aggressions
    And give up almost all their possessions.
    But their job has one perk:
    In the booth, they can jerk
    Off discreetly to kinky confessions.

  32. Jean McEwen says:

    One word I routinely misspell
    Is the proper noun “Madduhmoyzell.”
    Native French speakers hiss
    At my substitute (“Miss”)–
    But it covers my deficit well.

  33. Tim Gray says:

    They confessed…

    Vote twice, said Donald, vote twice.
    His fans complied, voting thrice.
    In person, by mail
    And one sure not to fail,
    A mail ballot stolen by vice.

  34. Tim Gray says:

    I have a confession to make
    About liberties that I do take,
    But in my defence,
    It’s just recompense,
    As your snoring, it keeps me awake.

  35. Tim Gray says:

    If you want to be a success,
    Lie, cheat and never confess.
    It pays to start small
    To practice your gall
    And be confident under duress.

  36. Tim Gray says:

    If you follow what you are taught
    With no original thought
    I have to confess
    You’ll never progress
    And your life will all be for nought.

  37. Tim Gray says:

    There was a young lady named Jess
    When questioned, she always would guess.
    Though she was smart,
    She was lazy at heart
    And wouldn’t learn, she did confess.

  38. Tim Gray says:

    There once was a man from Shoreditch
    Whose wife was a Wiccan; a witch.
    She’s always casting a spell,
    She’ll scream and she’ll yell,
    In short you could say she’s a bitch.

  39. Lisi Nortman says:

    “1992”

    I remember that year very well.
    Those Blue Jays did truly excel.
    Bush said, “Read my lips”
    That was one of his quips.
    And Vice President Quayle couldn’t spell.

  40. Tony Holmes says:

    Call The Doc’

    “Take twice daily! In time, they’ll dispel
    The delusions – the terrors, as well.
    Then come see me again
    And we’ll see if he’s sane;
    But just now, it’s too early to tell.”

  41. There once was a bastard named Trump,
    a dark universe Forrest Gump
    who put us through hell
    tell we all broke the spell.
    Now we countdown to the final dump.

  42. Paul Haebig says:

    My darling, I have a confession:
    I’ve misled you about my profession.
    The times that you’ve said
    I’m amazing in bed?
    I usually charge for a session.

  43. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I remember my skool days so well,
    When lunch was anounced by a bell.
    We’d sit in a grupe
    Sharing alphabet supe.
    And that’s where I lerned how to spel.

  44. Lisi Nortman says:

    Jewish non-confessions at holiday dinner

    Your Mama will never confess
    That she’s wearing her new half-priced dress.
    Or, “Those matzah balls are
    Stuff that came from a jar,
    Cuz who wants to deal with that mess?”

  45. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’m outside in this terrible storm.
    The temper’ture’s way below norm.
    In this very cold spell,
    I’m still feelin’ well,
    Cuz my hot flashes make me feel warm.

  46. Lisi Nortman says:

    As the snow’s coming down and abounds,
    It’s causing such very high mounds.
    In this freezing cold spell,
    I’m not feelin’ real swell,
    And the snowman has gained 50 pounds.

  47. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick: L5
    Could you please change, “Yet the snowman has gained 50 pounds” to
    And the snowman has gained 50 pounds.

    Thank you,
    Lisi

    **********

    Done.

  48. Brian Allgar says:

    The Bishop said: “Hear my confession …”
    The priest wore a puzzled expression.
    “But why cume to me?”
    Said the Bish, “Well, you see,
    It was YOUR wife who caused my transgression.”

  49. Brian Allgar says:

    The Donald was tearing his hair.
    “Who did this? Own up if you dare!
    Stick your hand up, confess
    You’re the one caused this mess!”
    Five million shot up in the air.

  50. Lisi Nortman says:

    It’s so hot here, (100 degrees).
    For a moment, I wish I could freeze.
    Cuz we’re having this spell,
    Have you noticed a smell?
    It’s me breaking wind, just for a breeze.

  51. Tim Gray says:

    @realdonaldtrump is a fake.
    Not a man but a mouse is my take.
    He’s under some spell
    He’s an ever-do-well,
    When in fact he’s an olden-time rake.

  52. Tony Holmes says:

    “It’s a game – no, you guess, I don’t tell,
    Where I am from the way I misspell.
    -our is -or; -ight is -ite;
    -yse is -yze – yes, that’s right!
    Or should that be rite? Let’s not dwell.”

  53. Tony Holmes says:

    His confession, complete and concise,
    Not coerced, but against all advice,
    Was a model of Pace.
    Now he’s likely to face …
    A long lecture on how to be nice.

  54. Sharon Neeman says:

    “I don’t know why I ran, I confess,”
    Mused Don Con; “lack of knowledge, I guess —
    If I’d known I would need
    Both to think and to read,
    I’d have never agreed to say yes.”

  55. Sharon Neeman says:

    An enchantment pronounced by a witch
    Is now making the President twitch —
    Oh, wait, that was no spell;
    That was us! And “twitch”? Hell,
    He’s just SHAKING, the sonofabitch!

  56. Lisi Nortman says:

    My teacher said, “I’m not amused;
    Our language, you sure have abused”
    My phone bid farewell,
    Cuz I always misspell.
    Even “auto-correct” is confused.

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    a very slight modification (L2 and L5)

    My teacher said, “I’m not amused
    At this language you’ve rashly abused”
    My phone bid farewell,
    Cause I always misspell.
    Even “auto-correct” was confused.

  58. Steve Frakt says:

    We live as if under house arrest
    It’s a Kafkaesque life, I suggest
    Like we are serving time
    For an unspecified crime
    To which we’ve supposedly confessed

  59. Suzanne Heymann says:

    (true story)

    All my life, folks would always misspell
    My first name. They’re so dumb! Bloody hell!
    For some reason, they’re choosin’
    To still call me Susan
    It’s not so amusin’. Oh well!

    But THEN! Leonard Cohen came along
    And came out with a poem turned song
    So now more people say
    My first name the right way
    Let them know ev’ry day they were wrong!

  60. Mike Young says:

    So Trump is what we must spell
    For a person we hope to dispel.
    He needs to be shown
    How to leave alone
    From the sump – that’s his name we misspell.

  61. Mike Young says:

    So we’re biding our time in the sessions
    Which we hope will leave telling confessions
    From G.O.P. and D.A.
    That would be a great day
    But not likely from present processions.

  62. Mike Young says:

    So it’s time for a new White House session
    Which will start with a mammoth procession.
    But you really should know
    That you just must not go
    Expecting an honest confession.

  63. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Cast an anchor, a line, or a doubt.
    Cast pearls before swine, cast about.
    Cast a shadow, a spell,
    The first stone (but don’t tell).
    As for Donald J Trump — cast him out!

  64. Lisi Nortman says:

    Some foreigners try hard to spell.
    Yet with plurals they’ll never excel.
    If “mouses” are mice,
    But “houses” ain’t “hice”
    What’s the difference, and how can they tell?

  65. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    They’re too much for mere mortals to handle —
    Ceaseless lies and continuous scandal.
    So for Joe to dispel
    All these demons from Hell,
    He’ll be needing a bell, book and candle.

  66. Daisy Ward says:

    It turns out he couldn’t spell
    Not even his name simple Nell
    Wore a dunce cap in his class
    Told his peers to write him a pass
    Boy, did they have a story to tell

  67. Daisy Ward says:

    He confessed, he was a thief
    Who stole everything, even a leaf
    When they saw he was a joke
    he quickly, had to take a smoke
    It gave him a sigh of relief

  68. Lisi Nortman says:

    I noticed you’re very perplexed.
    Calm down you should not be so vexed.
    Each time you confess,
    There’s no need for stress,
    Cause your priest contacts God via text.

  69. Lisi Nortman says:

    very minor correction (for meter)

    I’ve noticed you’re very perplexed.
    Calm down, you should not be so vexed.
    Ev’ry time you confess,
    There is no need for stress,
    Cause your priest contacts God via text.

  70. Tony Holmes says:

    “As I watched Mrs Smithers undress,
    I confess, I was under duress.
    Were it not for the ropes
    That now shackled my hopes,
    I would leap to her side and transgress.”

  71. David Reddekopp says:

    A cop wandered into a session
    Where a priest was in hearing confession
    And said “Father, do tell
    If you cannot dispel
    All the rumors, admit YOUR transgression!”

  72. David Reddekopp says:

    There was blood from the floor to the ceiling
    And the body was way beyond healing
    The crimes, he’d reported
    Of the mob, who extorted
    So his life was aborted, for squealing.

  73. Tony Holmes says:

    “Mrs Smithers – she casts quite a spell –
    Has strict rules. For one, no kiss and tell.
    I’m assured, my duress,
    Should I ever confess,
    Would seem tame to her version of hell.”

  74. Tony Holmes says:

    “Yes, hypnosis. They say I regressed,
    And while under, it seems I confessed.
    Then the judge ruled, “Okay!”
    And they put me away.
    I’ll admit, I was really impressed.”

  75. Lisi Nortman says:

    O Father, my life’s not fulfilling.
    I obsess about things that are chilling.
    I confess that I drink;
    I can’t stop, cuz I think
    I just may replace it with killing.

  76. Lisi Nortman says:

    A synonym works very well.
    For lim’riks, they surely are swell.
    Just think of a word
    (not the one you preferred)
    Cuz the one you preferred, you can’t spell.

  77. Sharon Neeman says:

    Said the teacher, “I’m trying to tell
    You: that’s ‘F’! You don’t listen too well!
    You don’t care what I say —
    I write ‘F’; you see ‘K’!”
    Kid grinned, “Ooooooh, what I got you to spell!”

  78. Lisi Nortman says:

    O Father, don’t think this is bunk.
    I’m misleading, and in a blue funk.
    But it’s time I confess
    I don’t really love Bess,
    Yet I text her whenever I’m drunk.

  79. Tim James says:

    That Halloween choc’late? Why, yes;
    I scarfed down the whole lot, I confess.
    I’ve been lying to you.
    I’d have pulled it off, too…
    If my face hadn’t been such a mess.

  80. Jeanine Silverio says:

    At the Apothecary

    “Please sell me a love potion or spell –
    She won’t marry me, she says I smell.”
    “I sell them, but fear
    The prices too dear.
    How ‘bout soap and a fine muscatel?”

  81. Mark G. Kane says:

    She invited me in for a spell,
    A well-mannered belle, you could tell.
    As we sipped her iced tea,
    She first played with my knee
    And then moved to the source of my swell.

  82. Suzanne Heymann says:

    So you think you’ve the power to bless?
    When it’s YOU who should really confess
    For not putting a halt
    To the sexual assault
    Hiding crimes in the vault you possess!

  83. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Trump will do it but never confess
    That he’s leaving behind a big mess.
    “If the ship sinks, boohoo!
    I’ll make sure that all you
    Will go down with me too then, I guess!”

  84. Tony Holmes says:

    “Yes, hypnosis. They say I regressed,
    And while under, it seems I confessed.
    Then the judge ruled, “Okay!”
    And they put me away.
    I’ll admit, even I was impressed.”

  85. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Said King Arthur to Merlin, “Do tell,
    How this potion you write makes me well.
    All these squiggles and exes —
    Sir, nothing more vexes!”
    That’s when Merlin confessed, “I can’t spell.”

  86. Suzanne Heymann says:

    (two in one)

    If I could just cast one real spell
    On the idiot-in-chief who’s from hell,
    He’d say, “I must confess
    Having made this big mess.
    I believe I’d be best in a cell.”

  87. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Alison” or “Allison” ?

    Some Alisons have just one l.
    While others have 2; both sound swell.
    I don’t care, or object,
    Cuz they both sound correct.
    Unless mom and dad just can’t spell.

  88. Tim James says:

    Said the raconteur: “Come, set a spell.
    Here’s a story I’ve wanted to tell.
    This young gal — such a dream! —
    Slipped and fell in a stream.
    So I spent the day wringing that belle.”

  89. B A Dragon says:

    A lady who once was named Houston
    Didn’t seem to know whose bed to roost in
    Her tribe will confess
    That it caused quite the mess
    When her sisters’ men were her solution.

    If you’re going to give it a go
    Don’t do it with your sister’s beau
    When they kiss and tell
    You will never dispel
    Those rumors descendants will “know.”

  90. Terry Marter says:

    “I confess“ is a common expression,
    that is quite often not a confession.
    when it’s meant: “I agree”
    (not “confess”), – don’t you see?
    I confess it’s a minor transgression!

  91. Tony Holmes says:

    “I am all of a tremble: her spell
    Must be working exceedingly well.
    Nowadays, I’m not sure,
    If it’s pill or allure,
    But since everything’s working, why dwell?”

  92. Tony Holmes says:

    “The mysterious arts by which flames
    Are ignited by spell-casting dames,
    Should be studied to tell—”
    “But might study dispel?
    That would mean there’d be no fun and games!”

    “As a wise man correctly opined,
    Wisdom wisely sets bounds for the mind.
    Knowledge running amuck –
    Science will run out of luck –
    And we’re no further forward, you’ll find.”

    “There are some things much better not known.
    Case in point, turning sausage to bone.
    Reason bypass: it’s done!
    Let’s get on and have fun!
    You can study – I’d rather get blown!”

  93. Sharon Neeman says:

    Someone here’s made an absolute mess!
    Ate my sandwich, threw up on my dress,
    Tracked in mud on my bed…
    T.S. Eliot said,
    “The cat knows, but will never confess.”*

    *”The Naming of Cats,” by T.S. Eliot

  94. Tony Holmes says:

    “The mysterious arts by which flames
    Are ignited by spell-casting dames,
    Should be studied to tell—”
    “But might study dispel?
    That would mean there’d be no fun and games!”

    “As a wise man correctly opined,
    Wisdom wisely sets bounds for the mind.
    Knowledge running amuck –
    Science will run out of luck –
    And we’re no further forward, you’ll find.”

    “There are some things much better not known.
    Case in point, turning sausage to bone.
    Reason bypass: it’s done!
    Let’s get on and have fun!
    You can study – or play on your own.”

    Sorry to repaeat, but I wasn’t happy with the ending.

  95. Terry Marter says:

    Writing Lim’ricks ’bout Joe or that Other man,
    I drink Beer, or a Wine, or a fine wee Dram.
    Though the pleasure is swell
    and I tend to misspell
    I’m-not-the Thunkard that Some drinkle Peep I am!

  96. Tony Holmes says:

    Confession of intent?

    “My, you’re all of a quiver!” “I am.
    I’m in love with a lady called Pam.
    She’s quite shy, but I’m bold,
    And once inside the fold
    She’s agreed to play ewe to my ram.”

  97. Tony Holmes says:

    Confessions: Update:

    “I’ve been making some headway with Pam.
    We’ve discovered the wonders of jam.
    She preferred a conserve,
    Once she got up the nerve.
    She insists on the best, does ma femme.”

  98. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I Confess

    If your pumpkin be gourd and not carriage,
    And your prince (please don’t wince) you disparage;
    When the step sisters yell,
    And there’s no magic spell —
    Sorry, Princess, we lied about marriage.

  99. Terry Marter says:

    We will never see ex-prez confessing
    To his 100’s of fails and gross messing.
    Just more chitter chat
    from the old Twitter twat
    with his 101 English regressing.

  100. Tim Gray says:

    Your fears I’d like to dispel
    The election is my death knell.
    There’s no greater crime
    In all historical time
    And the Democrats know it as well.

  101. Tim Gray says:

    Trump, some things you’ve done very well
    Though with Twitter you must learn how to spell.
    For a more comforting stock
    You should lose the Caps Lock
    As it means you are starting to yell.

  102. Kirk Miller says:

    Global warming’s main cause, I must tell,
    Is a myth I would like to dispel.
    A prudent solution:
    Let’s curb most pollution:
    The hot air politicians expel.

  103. David Clark says:

    I ‘went with’ a maid from the dairy
    A big girl, all sweaty and hairy
    I sought absolution,
    The priest’s best solution?
    A hell of a lot of Hail Marys.

  104. David Clark says:

    We’ve nevva bin abel to spel
    Itz just nott a fing we doo wel
    Wile dickshunries bor us
    To reed a feesorrus
    Would bee jusst hour eye dear of Hel.

  105. Lisi Nortman says:

    Put honey in tea, (yum), real swell.
    It adds to the taste and the smell.
    A tough job to create,
    But honey tastes great.
    (Yet how can those little bees spell?)

  106. Brian Allgar says:

    He’d booked the Four Seasons Hotel –
    Or so he believed. What the hell?
    A gardening store
    With a sex shop next door?
    Poor Rudy can’t read, wriie or spell.

  107. Sharon Neeman says:

    A recipe (yum!) by Christine
    Had “zookeeny,” and, worse, “oberjean.”
    I’m not going to tell
    Her to learn how to spell
    When her knowledge of cooking’s so keen.

  108. Brian Allgar says:

    my teechers complaned I cant spell
    punktuashun is louzy as well
    still evrywun sez
    i desserve to be prez
    but joe byden has cheeted like hell

  109. Lisi Nortman says:

    Another Thought For “The Honey One” (today at 12:33 PM)

    Add honey to tea, yum! real swell.
    It soothes if you’re sick, even well.
    It’s tough to create,
    But honey tastes great.
    Yet how can those little bees spell?

  110. Tony Holmes says:

    Confession: News Flash:

    “I have reached an hiatus with Pam;
    She’s allergic to raspberry jam.
    I misread when she gagged.
    She got cross, fingers wagged,
    And I’m back where I started, poor ram.”

  111. Tim James says:

    He fell prey to her devilish spell
    When they met at a sleazy motel.
    His wife was quite galled,
    So a lawyer she called.
    (Now there was a demon from hell.)

    No offense intended to any lawyers out there…

  112. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Said a writing class prof to a hottie,
    “I like verse, I confess, to be naughty.
    I have seen quite enough
    Of your brainier stuff,
    Now I’d like to see more of your bawdy.”

  113. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Forgive me, O Father, it’s true:
    I cuss, and I lie and I screw”
    “Pay penance, My Son,
    And when you are done,
    A check, cash, or Visa will do”.

  114. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Response to Lisi’s verse above:

    Oh good lord! Doesn’t THAT ring a bell!
    If you’re poor, you are going to hell!
    I bet YOU have no clue
    They themselves lie and screw
    “Pay!” applies just to you, for a spell.

  115. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Hip Priest

    A modern confession, at last!
    It’s easy, and painless and fast!
    Tell the priest, you did wrong,
    Then he croons this new song
    “Not To Fret, Son, Don’t Think ‘Bout the Past”

  116. Tony Holmes says:

    “Looking back on a youth much misspelt,
    I recall every bossom I felt.
    Every tipple induced,
    Every maid I reduced;
    Every crotch on a very long belt.”

    A Twofer?

  117. Tony Holmes says:

    Un autre?

    “There are times, I confess, I mis-smell.”
    “And the outcome?” “Disastrous!” “Do tell!”
    “Take the time I wrote, ‘whores’.”
    “I recall. You meant, ‘chores’.”
    “The suspicions have yet to dispel.”

  118. Kirk Miller says:

    Lots of cheese I did melt; I’m ruing it.
    I was told I should start eschewing it.
    Though I made quite a mess,
    I must say, I confess,
    That I really did have fonduing it.

  119. Lisi Nortman says:

    Most certainly, I can sure tell
    When so-called “brains” say they excel.
    Are they just so naive,
    That they really believe
    That “spell check” can never misspell?

  120. John Shardlow says:

    Rudy dying to meet the press.

    Trump just brought out his big guns
    The lawyers banging their drums
    Bad dream, break the spell
    Send Dems back to hell
    But who has a case of the runs?

  121. Tim Gray says:

    So you took a pig-in-a-poke
    And ended up with a joke.
    All his actions dispel
    Any thought he’ll do well
    And you may well see America broke.

  122. Tim Gray says:

    Why do you still plump for Trump
    When he’s just a self-serving grump
    Who will never ever confess
    That he’s made a big mess
    As his administration explodes with a crump?

    To all who think he does care,
    Wake up and truly beware.
    He’s got you under a spell
    Others can see full well,
    Shown every emotional flare.

  123. Lisi Nortman says:

    Miss Prissy screamed, “You’re a disgrace.
    Your whole essay, I have to erase.
    You should learn how to spell!”
    (Yet I spell very well
    But the letters are in the wrong place).

  124. madkane says:

    The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  125. Jason Mills says:

    In a limerick, watch as you spell!
    When rhymes I type, each can repel,
    Acrostically proving
    Lines inwardly moving
    Ever reek, I confess: karma’s smell!

  126. Fred Bortz says:

    In wizard school I have done well.
    I’m super at casting a spell.
    Though she barks like a dog,
    And he croaks like a frog,
    My Bubbie and Zadie’s still kvell.

  127. Fred Bortz says:

    Correcting a typo

    In wizard school I have done well.
    I’m super at casting a spell.
    Though she barks like a dog,
    And he croaks like a frog,
    My Bubbie and Zadie still kvell.

  128. Tim Gray says:

    You don’t have to be quite so formal
    In staying that he’s not at all normal.
    All you have to admit
    Is he’s a stupid old git
    An unpleasant septic mormal*.

    *mormal, archaic, a bad sore or ulcer.

  129. Tim Gray says:

    Mr. Trump, give up and concede
    Before you cause some people to bleed
    You’re trying to dispel
    The fact you didn’t do well,
    Well, you’re the last one we’d need.

  130. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’m a witch, and my hexes are splendid.
    On my broom, I have always depended.
    Even though I excel,
    ‘Twas behind for a spell.
    Cuz my broom flew away and rear ended.

  131. Lisi Nortman says:

    better (L5)

    I’m a witch, and my hexes are splendid.
    On my broom, I have always depended.
    Even though I excel,
    ‘Twas behind for a spell.
    (I broke wind, in a blow, was rear ended)

  132. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    “From here we go right to the SELL!!!”
    Tweeted Trump (careful not to misspell).
    “I’ve got tee shirts and hats,
    I’ve got buttons and bats —
    Or CHIP IN for a D C Hotel!”

  133. Suzanne Heymann says:

    (a two-in-one)

    Confession is good for the soul
    Said no one who IS an a–hole.
    Though they’re fine for a spell
    Inside Satan’s hotel,
    They’ll still END up in hell shov’ling coal.

  134. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: today at 12:06 PM
    Instead of L5: “I broke wind in a blow was rear ended”
    Could you please change that to: I broke wind in a blow, (got rear ended)

    Thank You ,
    Lisi

  135. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 457. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Bard.

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