Archive for the ‘Addiction Humor’ Category

Rehab For Serial Wife-Cheating? Bullox!

Friday, April 2nd, 2010

I don’t know about you, but I’m not buying Jesse James’ (or Tiger Woods’) rehab ploy:

Rehab For Serial Wife-Cheating? Bullox! (Double Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A bike-loving fellow named James
Had affairs with some numerous dames.
Though wife Sandra’s a winner,
He’s trying to spin her:
Addiction’s the problem, he claims.

Now he’s paying a whole lot of loot
For therapy — Tiger Woods’ route.
But rehab won’t fix
Those wife-cheating pricks.
My advice — just give both guys the boot.

Hooked On True Blood

Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010

From time to time, I review a television show, movie, or play via limerick. I wrote this verse after renting True Blood’s first season via Blockbuster and learning that we have to wait a couple of months before the second one becomes available.

Not only do I love this HBO show, I even adore its theme song: Bad Things, by Jace Everett.

Hooked On True Blood (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My latest addiction’s True Blood.
Not the drink, but the cable show, bud.
I watched the first season
And well beyond reason
Need more. Not released yet? Oh, crud!

Feed Needs

Tuesday, March 9th, 2010

In simpler (pre-social networking) days, I suffered from just one web addiction — checking my email. And that was bad enough.

But now it’s Facebook and Twitter and blogging, oh my!

And for some people, it’s even worse. I guess I should be relieved that I don’t especially dig Digg, and that MySpace hasn’t invaded my brain space. And that (so far, at least) I’ve withstood the lure of most of the social networking and social media websites listed here in all their gory glory.

Because, as you can tell from this limerick, I don’t need any more web obsessions:

Feed Needs
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m addicted to Facebook, it’s true,
And Twitter and weblogging too.
I’m desp’rately hooked.
All my hours are booked
On my quest to be fed something new.

Catty Limerick

Wednesday, March 3rd, 2010

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with one of these two alternative first lines:

There once was a kitty named Brad…

or

There once was a fellow named Brad…

Here’s mine. (It’s a two-verse limerick, but a standard five-line limerick is fine, of course.)

Catty Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There once was a kitty named Brad
Whose attraction to catnip was rad.
He would sniff it and eat it
And quickly deplete it.
Was kitty addicted? A tad.

When his owner had failed to buy more,
The kitty sneaked into a store
And ate all the herb,
But got caught at the curb
Sound asleep and beginning to snore.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.

Related Posts: First (And Last) Visit and Ode To Genetically Altered Cats

Just What Drivers Need — More Distractions!

Tuesday, January 19th, 2010

I’m as big a web addict as the next woman. But do we really need Internet-enabled dashboards in our cars? Don’t drivers already have enough to distract them? Sorry, but this concept just isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Insane auto technology like this cries out for a limerick:

Just What Drivers Need — More Distractions!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Are you feeling too focused while driving?
Well, help from your dashboard’s arriving:
Watch the net in your car.
Yes, wherever you are
You can surf. Wish you luck with surviving.

Ode To Cappuccino

Tuesday, November 10th, 2009

Ode To Cappuccino (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When my hot cappuccino’s denied me,
I am steamed. I must have it inside me.
So beware of my ire.
My need is quite dire.
Espresso/foamed milk, or else hide me!

UPDATE: I just found out that National Espresso Day is celebrated on November 23rd.

Caffeinated Verse

Monday, September 15th, 2008

Just in time for National Coffee Day! (September 29)

Caffeinated Verse (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’ve rarely been tempted by tea,
And coffee does nothing for me.
Cappuccino,  however —
Can’t miss it.  Not ever!
Addicted? Heck no!  I’ll take three.

*****

Here’s the same sentiment in its concise haiku version. (I prefer it in limerick form.)

I never drink tea.
Hot coffee? No, not for me.
Capuccino? Oui!

*****

(Updated with National Coffee Day info and new haiku)

Competition Haiku

Friday, December 7th, 2007

Warning: This post (three haiku about competition) is humor-free:

The need to be first—
Exciting, addictive,
But doomed to disappoint.

Competing oboists
Break reeds and steal music—
Angling for an edge.

Orchestra try-outs
Held behind screens to halt bias—
Betrayed by heels.

(For the lighter side of music, click here.)

Web Withdrawal Woes

Monday, September 24th, 2007

I dedicate this to everyone’s who’s ever been driven mad by a website or blog outage:

Web Withdrawal Woes (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

This outage has led me to think
I’ve gone bonkers, berserk—need a shrink.
I keep checking the site.
It’s still down—what a plight!
Web withdrawal may drive me to drink.

It Is Hereby Resolved (New Year’s Resolution Humor)

Tuesday, December 26th, 2006

What is it about December 31st that spurs fantasies of self-reform? Is it too much food and drink? Seasonal exuberance? Lunacy induced by crowds?

Every December, otherwise rational people make resolutions meant to transform them into organized, addiction-free souls with clean houses, healthy bodies, wholesome relationships, perfect children, and career paths soaring to the top — the same vows they made last year and the year before that.

Can our resolutions endure past January 1st? Can we make it to year’s end without ripping up our lists? … (It Is Hereby Resolved is continued here.)