Shooting The Breeze With Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman was shooting the breeze…*
or
A fellow was shooting the breeze…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Shooting The Breeze
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman was shooting the breeze
With a man who was down on his knees.
He’d planned to propose
But got bored, so he rose
And explained he’d been looking for keys.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Boredom, Bores, Communication Humor, Limerick Contest, Marriage Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Relationships Poetry, Talkative, Wedding Proposal Humor, Writing Prompts
A woman was shooting the breeze,
Discussing the birds and the bees,
She gave quite a long talk
But she left out the stork!
What sort of Life Lessons are these?
*
A fellow was shooting the breeze
With a pal who was seized by a sneeze
They’d be friends to this day
In spite of the spray
If his mouth had not been full of peas
A fellow was shooting the breeze
With a girl he wanted to please
But everything that he said
Showed that he was ill-bred
So she said: “I don’t talk with such sleaze.”
A woman was shooting the breeze
In a skirt that blew past her knees
It flew up to a breast
And revealed a sweet nest
She was wearing no undies, oh jeez.
.
A fellow was shooting the breeze
With a woman he called his main squeeze
When they went to Niagara
And he forgot his Viagra
She said, honey, I have extra if you please.
A woman was shooting the breeze
When a rhyming cat gave her fleas
She scratched each itch
And began to twitch
Shaking at the knees
A woman was shooting the breeze
Bout how she loved the “birds and the bees”
She was quite a Prude
In fact even rude
And never let a man get between her knees.
A fellow was shooting the breeze
while eating a plate full of peas
He choked on a few
which started to spew
His friend said, “Hey wipe up dese please.”
A fellow was shooting the breeze
With a stripper he hoped he could please.
But she ended the show
When he ran out of dough,
And left him alone on his knees.
A madam was shooting the breeze
With her subbie crouched down on his knees:
“Now bark and roll over,
My little dog Rover,
And scratch as if covered with fleas.”
A woman was shooting the breeze
Playing at the casino with much ease
She pulled at Jim Blake’s
And entered sev’ral sweepstakes
While holding her cute little loving Maltese.
limerick based on interesting story about pet friendly casinos
dogs in casinos limerick
“Knees” seems to be the most popular rhyming word so far this week. Oh well, since I already wrote it anyway:
A woman was shooting the breeze
with the man on the flying trapeze,
but her chat with her friend
came to a sad end –
you can’t text while you hang from your knees.
A slight meter tweak:
A woman was shooting the breeze
with the man on the flying trapeze,
but her chat with her friend
had a very sad end –
you can’t text while you hang from your knees.
…and a couple more:
A woman was shooting the breeze
when she smelled something, crying out, “Please!
What that’s stench? I should think
it’s a Limburger stink!”
Said the clerk, “Oh, I just cut the cheese.”
A booster was shooting the breeze
with the college’s board of trustees.
“The alumni reports
say they all favor sports
over chemistry, math and Chinese.”
A man was shooting the breeze
With no gun but tendencies
To aim-to-be and still
Have more time to kill
Once the wind of change agrees
For a man must take his shot
Whether fortunate or not
From there if he is pleased
He will set sail appeased
Loving life to death upon his yacht
(this is the corrected version)
A woman was shooting the breeze
with her friend: “I am dating, and he’s
very nice, but another
I love more – his twin brother –
the problem is they’re Siamese!”
A fellow was shooting the breeze
on Twitter where he felt at ease
to school a rapper
who was quite a yapper.
“First million’s tough? Try billion, please.”
A woman was shooting the breeze
With a man on the train to Calise
When the train hit the station,
He: “Assignation?”
She: “You for real or just a big tease?”
A couple were shooting the breeze
Discussing their respective decrees
From their divorces and
Suddenly he asked for her hand–
They honeymooned down in Belize.
A fellow was shooting the breeze
Over brunch on his yacht in the Keys.
“What economic downturn?
I’ve got money to burn!
More armaments stocks, if you please.”
A woman was shooting the breeze
With a Colt .45, if you please.
With a whispery sound
The breeze dropped to the ground
And expired with a pitiful wheeze.
Not a very good one today, but after I tried rhyming “breeze” with “niece” I decided to go with this one. I don’t know how many knee-bones a person has, but I’m hoping more than one.
A woman was shooting the breeze
On the phone while sitting at ease
So no one was there
When she fell off her chair
And broke bones in both of her knees
A fellow was shooting the breeze
With a gal in a see-through chemise.
They smoked two fat joints;
He said, “I see your points,
And I’m yearning to give them a squeeze!”
Two fellas were shooting the breeze
about things heard today on tvs
If I cannot deduct
my mortgage, I’m f–ked
the water is still at my knees
Paraedics were shooting the breeze
about the odd things that they sees
one guy was so tired
he drank milk that expired
and even his farts smelled like cheese
Two ladies were shooting the breeze
about secrets of fashion ladies.
One said “Some hucker
said I was a plucker.
No way, girl, I usually tweeze”
A fellow, when shooting the breeze,
in time will descend into sleaze.
His manners are in question.
He can ruin digestion.
You could say he’s a social disease.
A doctor was shooting the breeze
With the AMA’s board of trustees:
Should they formulate drugs
Which kill virulent bugs
Thus preventing the spread of disease?
Or should they, in attempts to appease
Fall down on their old wrinkled knees
And thank god or the devil
(With worship or revel)
For ticks and mosquitoes and fleas.
Two women were shooting the breeze
When one fell on the others Pekinese
“Look out there, you klutz!
You ruptured his nuts!
Now he won’t procreate. Aw, geez!”
A fella was” shooting the breeze”
(An expression I’ve heard overseas)
But the guys over here
When they’re full of beer
Are “dribbling shit” if you please.
With reference to “Shooting the breeze”
and also to “Cutting the cheese”
I found it much speedier
To consult Wikipedia
Than asking the meanings of these.
Chicago fans shooting the breeze,
noticed the wind in the trees.
When it’s blowing in,
the Cubs never win –
and blowing out is just God’s tease!
So now I am “Shooting the breeze”
I’m very accomplished at these
But when we cut cheddar
We go out in the weather
And”open our lunch” don’t ya sees?
Hockey fans shooting the breeze
remarked upon this year’s Stanleys.
The Devs in the east
slayed several beast
Out west LA slayed 1-2-3s!
A fella was shooting the breeze
with the nurse who was down on her knees
“Heres a thought, Pam –
complete my exam
and climb on up here if you please!”
A woman was shooting the breeze
Her friends said oh not again please
They had heard it before
So they showed her the door
and left everyone happy indeed
Survivalists shooting the breeze
in green camouflage dungarees
took the figure of speech
quite literally
and left bullets in all of the trees.
A woman was shooting the breeze
While engaged otherwise on her knees;
Said to hubby, asmirk,
“Guess I’ll get back to work –
On the garden.” He sighed, “Hon, you tease!”
A Glint of Clint
A woman was shooting the breeze
In a way that’d make Eas-
twood freeze
A cloud puffed out its chest
Well, you know the rest
A Wesson don’t aim to please
A couple was shooting the breeze
While kissing in the trees
“If love and a marriage
results in a carriage
we oughta wait till we’ve degrees!”
A fellow was shooting the breeze
And writing in poor journalese
Seeking sensation
harsh generalization
He obviously had no degrees.
A reporter was shooting the breeze
With a gentleman plagued by disease
Who said, off the record,
“My backside is checkered
And my temperature’s 60 degrees.”
a man was shooting the breeze
his bladder he aimed to please
up came the wind
blowing back at him
and now his pants are all covered in pee
haha
Ode to Foster Friess (getting political just for Mad)
A woman was shooting the breeze
With a man who just wanted a tease
But his luck would run dry
No matter how hard he’d try
For an aspirin was held ‘tween her knees
At least he didn’t lose the ring in the sand… = )
:)
A woman was shooting the breeze
with a cat, rolling fat on her knees
she forgot it was time
to write and to rhyme
could you please hand that pen to me please…
A woman was shooting the breeze
with a guy who was her main squeeze
said he to the gal
please be a pal
and zip up my fly with your knees
The Hansons were shooting the breeze
about how bad things came in threes
Before every game
it was always the same
“Pass me the foil, if you please”
(a little “Slapshot” limerick for all!)
A congressman shooting the breeze
with an intern said, “Look at this sleaze!
The press keeps on beating
my colleague for cheating—
perhaps you should get off your knees.”
A fellow was shooting the breeze
With a winsome young thing named Louise,
Whose looks were deceiving.
The chap yelled while leaving,
“You win some, I lose some, you tease!”
A private was shooting the breeze
With his sergent who just liked to tease.
She was very delighted
When he got excited,
Erect with no hope of “At Ease”.
A woman was shooting the breeze
with an arrow and bow, looking pleased.
As everyone smirked
at this odd little quirk,
She started in on the trees.
Small variation on my submission: I missed a word!
A woman was shooting the breeze
with an arrow and bow, looking pleased.
As everyone smirked at this odd little quirk,
She started right in on the trees.
A fellow was shooting the breeze
out amongst the trash and the sleaze
But when the vulgarities began to flow
He claimed he must then go
By blaming the weather and faking a sneeze
Ha, like it! Very chuckle-worthy!
A woman was shooting the breeze
Just airing her rants as she seethes.
Since there was no dialogue,
Call it a monologue –
Her “airea” of expertise.
Shoot. Meant to put “airea” is quotes.
IN quotes! IN quotes! I need another cup of coffee. Oy …
Note from Mad Kane: I put it in quotes for you. :)
LINDA FULLER, YOU ROCK!!
A woman was shooting the breeze
with her neighbor who started to wheeze.
His face turned bright red,
First he coughed then he said,
“I’d feel better if I could just sneeze!”
Hey, Marie Elena, why you callin me a rock? ;)
A woman was shooting the breeze
With a gentleman so much at ease
That he soon nodded off
And fell into a trough
Where his snoring produced cartoon z’s.
A songbird was shooting the breeze
and zipping his way through the trees.
A branch came along.
He stopped for a song.
His melodies always would please.
That songbird shooting the breeze
Was accompanied by two chimpanzees
They’d chatter and chatter
And what did that matter?
It resulted in fine harmonies.
The songbird who thus shot said breeze
perched up above some hippies
While he sang his song,
they shared a bong.
The smoke wafted up in the trees!
That songbird still shooting the breeze
While perched over smoking hippies
Said “I only can croak
Cause your blimey smoke
Is causing my tweeter to freeze”
And that hippie “shooting the breeze”
Lifted his gaze to the trees
“I’m sorry my bong
interrupted your song
So show me your tweeter now please.”
the songbird, now “catching a breeze”
was getting quite stoned by degrees
his ballads were relics
that turned psychedelic
and Lord, he had real bad munchies!
Hippy still “shooting the breeze”
Was getting as stoned as you please
Called out “Shut up you bird
And if you drop a turd
You’ll be singing in 5 different keys”
A woman was shooting the breeze
When a coworker noticed her knees.
Both a gossip and flirt,
She could dish out the dirt
But the dirt she was wearing spelled SLEAZE.
the songbird heard threats on the breeze
was paranoid and quite displease(d)
And so, with aplomb,
the hippie was bombed
and birdie weaved on through the trees!
A fellow was shooting the breeze,
And the trigger he’d carefully squeeze,
His aim went awry,
He instead shot the sky –
But that was all caused by a sneeze!
An epic saga in the breeze.
A cooperative venture to please.
The readers of this
did not boo or hiss.
there could be a sequal, with ease :)
(who knows… the bird could be back next week!)
Jock McDaid was “shooting the breeze”
Complaining of very cold knees
“I’d dance to the lilt
of the pipes but my kilt
Is an old one I got from my niece”
A pauper was shooting the breeze
With a hooker, discussing her fees.
With a play for some money,
He asked the sweet honey,
“But what if I do as YOU please?”
A sailor so needed a breeze,
“In Irons” adrift off the Keys.
He prayed for some wind,
But was currently pinned,
No movement – Not even a sneeze.
A fellow was shooting the breeze
When his loyal wife started to wheeze.
The man, feeling shunned,
Hastened on, engine gunned,
So heard not, “My inhaler, dear –PLEASE!”
A fellow was shooting the breeze
With his fellows re: actor, John Cleese
“In that Wanda Fish movie
He’s both funny and groovy
He acts while he speaks Pythonese.”
A gal who was shootin’ the breeze
‘Bout how she fell, hurtin’ her knees
Had her friends all in stitches
(They knew her well–bitches!)
She could evoke no sympathies.
A couple were shootin’ the breeze
When the fella fell down on his knees.
“Gal, ya know what I need!
Please stop makin’ me plead!
Baby, please! Baby, baby, please, baby please!*
______
* Does this remind you of a movie of Spike Lee’s?
Brit passing on “shooting the breeze”
Re Olympics and Diamond jubilees
Said “I know I am stuffy
But I feel a bit huffy
That I was not invited to these”
A woman was shooting the breeze
with a friend whilst she nibbled some cheese.
“I so love Neufchatel –
just one bite will compel
me to eat more: a cheesy disease.”
A woman was shooting the breeze
with a dude, while she played with her keys.
Then she gave a coy grin
and sang, “… Darling, let’s sin…♪♫…”
Next week? The same ‘song’ in reprise.
A woman was shooting the breeze
Denouncing teen she considered a sleaze
She cited tattoos
nose rings and green shoes,
When her listener said, That’s my Louise!
————————–
A man was shooting the breeze
When he suddenly started to sneeze
Snot shot from his nose
Hit his girlfriend’s bare toes
Holding hankies, he confines talks to trees.
————————
A woman was shooting the breeze
About a disfiguring disease
Said she surely would hide
Never venture outside
Her friend pointed out slime on her knees.
————————–
A man was shooting the breeze
`Bout his recent trip to Belize
The beaches were stunning
He spent long hours sunning
And contracted a sun poison disease.
A fellow is shoeing The Breeze,
Who’s as vain a racehorse as you please.
The Breeze eyes the shoes,
Thinks, “I’d certainly choose
shoes that accent my hoof more than these!”
A john was just shooting the breeze
While a prostitute worked on her knees.
She couldn’t shoot with him
Till she’d swallowed his jism
Since he’d paid the accessory fees.
“They” were shooting the breeze
with sayings about birds and about bees
and all that is fun
and under the sun
But nobody knows who they ees!
A john was just shooting the breeze
While a prostitute worked on her knees.
She would have shot with him,
Intercoursing in rhythm,
But he wouldn’t cough up for the fees.
A fellow was shooting the breeze
While his girlfriend worked down on her knees.
She tried to converse
But his answer was terse:
“Don’t talk with your mouth full, please.”
A fellow was shooting the breeze
With a tailor ’bout Euripides,
Who finished his lace,
Said, “I rip-a you face
If I find out dat you rip-a dese!”
Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners! Limerick of the Week 65.
But you can still have fun with limericks because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Astute Limerick