Astute Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A man who was very astute…*


A gal who was very astute…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Astute Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A man who was very astute
Was stunned to be given the boot.
He dealt with that blow
By building a co
That sells shoes, so his job loss was moot.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Tags: , , , , , , ,

79 Responses to “Astute Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Michael Grove says:

    A gal who was very astute
    heard her date belch out loudly then toot.
    She glared at this dude,
    said, “You’re ruder than rude.”
    After which she gave him the boot.

    by Michael Grove

  2. A man who is very astute
    Knows that sometimes it’s best to stay mute.
    If your girl asks on chat,
    “Do you think that I’m fat?”
    Just pretend that you have to reboot.

  3. Michael Grove says:

    The stripper was very astute.
    Cunning as well as quite cute.
    She’ll play your friend
    up till the end,
    or until you run out of loot.

    by Michael Grove

  4. Veralynne says:

    A guy who was very astute
    Had ways of begetting much loot
    Even roadside zoos full of does,
    Zebras, pythons and crows
    With the main star an old bandicoot.

    He added a hot-air balloon
    (Up at sunset, down under the moon).
    Then amusement park rides
    Went in on both sides
    And he was rich by the middle of June.

  5. Ira Bloom says:

    A man who was very astute,
    Pointed out “Truth is not absolute.
    Religion is dated.
    Physics? Overrated.”
    (Of course, his point also was moot.)

  6. Veralynne says:

    A girl who was very astute
    Was also alarmingly cute
    She’d use men for their money
    By promising honey–
    When promise time came she would scoot!

  7. GrannieLib says:

    A man who was very astute
    Said, “There’s someone I’d like to boot;
    He’s a politician
    Bound for perdition.
    By his lies, he’ll polity pollute!”

  8. A girl who was very astute
    Thought a maths teacher was cute
    But he only had eyes
    For functions of pi
    Until she showed him a lovely square root.

    A man who was normally astute
    Was chasing a lady of repute.
    She was known in society
    For her gross impropriety
    But he couldn’t have given a hoot.

    A girl who was very astute
    Avoided the guys in pursuit
    By taking them aside
    To quietly confide
    That she already had one up the chute.

    A man who was very astute
    Was also extremely hirsute.
    The girls were all wary
    About men who were hairy,
    Something he was keen to refute.

    A man who was very astute
    Told the young girls they were cute.
    If they’d blush with coy pleasure
    He’d established a measure
    To have his wicked way , the brute!

  9. Diane Groothuis says:

    A man who was very astute
    Went shopping to purchase a suit
    Said “I’m short of a shekel
    Can you give me a special?”
    She said “Not in this shop Sir. Now scoot!”

  10. Our English Prof, very astute,
    Ruled prepositional endings kaput.
    He’d snarl as he whacked us,
    “Desist from this practice,
    Up WITH it I simply won’t put!”

  11. Diane Groothuis says:

    Alcoholic but very astute
    He came home “as pissed as a newt”
    He staggered and wobbled
    He lurched and then hobbled
    Cause his money was stashed in his boot.

  12. Old Ollie says:

    You are a true master of this form. I’ll think upon it and return.

  13. Diane Groothuis says:

    A banker who seemed quite astute
    Was facing a mammoth law suit
    From his villa in the sun
    He said “I’m undone”
    “They can take me for all but my ‘ute'”

  14. A greengrocer, very astute,
    Found a way of increasing his loot;
    He purchased large numbers
    Of leeks and cucumbers
    And sold them a dollar a foot.

    (PS: That one will please my doctor. He recommends at least five fruit-and-veg Limericks a day.)

  15. Al Hood says:

    Now Big Al thinks he’s astute
    And writes limericks to Mad Kane to suit
    Though he writes them to seek
    The “best of the week”
    He’s been foiled in this pursuit.

  16. scott says:

    A gal who was very astute,
    received very little repute.
    And because of her dress,
    she is doomed to earn less,
    than a swinging dick wearing a suit.

  17. Jim Delaney says:

    A man who was very astute
    Held false prophets in deep disrepute:
    Their allure is skin-deep;
    They are wolves dressed as sheep;
    “Ye shall know them,” he said, “by their fruit.”

    (Matthew 7, 15-16)

  18. Pat Hatt says:

    A man who was very astute
    Made friends with a colorful newt
    They were joined at the hip
    Until the man got a good grip
    Squashing him as he searched for some loot

  19. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A man who is very astute
    Will say “flatulence,” not like the brute
    Who says “fart,” “cut the cheese,”
    And phrases like these,
    Of which the most foul is “ass toot.”

  20. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A fellow who’s not too astute
    Has no worries about his repute—
    He belches out loud,
    Picks his nose in a crowd,
    Gets his mail in an old birthday suit.

  21. Matt Monitto says:

    A man who was very astute
    Heard some protestors holler and hoot.
    While FOX News had a day
    With this clamorous fray,
    He just grabbed the remote and hit MUTE.

  22. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    Both poets and comics astute,
    When about to be given the boot,
    Will resort to venereal,
    To the “dirty material”—
    The laurels and laughs follow suit.

  23. Rich D says:

    A guitarist who’s very astute
    was reading about King Canute
    said “in olden days”
    to play “Purple Haze”
    I would’ve been jamming on lute!

  24. Rich D says:

    A fella who wasn’t astute
    his girlfriend just gave him the boot
    upset at this switch
    he called her a bitch
    said “lady, you aint even cute”

  25. Rich D says:

    A gal who was rather astute
    accepted she wasn’t that cute
    to find her a mate
    she ended each date
    performing etudes on the skin flute

  26. Jesse Levy says:

    A man who was very astute
    chased a girl who was very cute
    But his age was too high
    so the girl said goodbye
    She said, “I don’t want an old coot.”

  27. Diane Groothuis says:

    Electrician not very astute
    Neglected to check his conduit
    But lucky for him
    His assistant named Jim
    Tripped over and broke the circuit.

  28. Diane Groothuis says:

    A girl who was very astute
    Decided to try “an old coot”
    “Don’t worry ’bout that
    You’re bald and you’re fat
    I’ll collect when you’ve gone down the chute”

  29. Umesh Rao says:

    A man who was very astute
    Never missed any chance to loot
    He did the same with Mr.Tardus
    Who got vexed and created a fuss
    Before kicking him with a metal boot

  30. Rich D says:

    A merchant who was quite astute
    sold Indian rugs made of jute.
    So modern, of course
    his fact’ry outsourced
    and made them all in Zamyn-Üüt

  31. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    The trombonist was very astute,
    Placed behind the young belle who played flute:
    He aimed his big slide
    Just off to the side,
    And he softened his tone with a mute.

  32. Rich D says:

    A candidate not too astute,
    her photo ops were quite a hoot.
    The State Fair corn dog
    hit many a blog,
    and then she dropped out before Newt.

  33. Rich D says:

    A witch who was very astute
    had quite an amazing repute
    her potions she’d boil
    in water, not oil
    before she would add eye of newt.

  34. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    The trombonist was very astute,
    Placed behind the young belle who played flute:
    He worked his big slide
    Without letting it ride
    And “protected” the girl with a mute.

  35. Linda Fuller says:

    A man who was less than astute
    Sought to shorten his lengthy commute.
    With pedal to metal
    He felt in fine fettle
    ‘Til cops began high-speed pursuit.

  36. Versebender says:

    A man who was very astute
    Found his checkbook just did not compute
    So he said to his wife
    “I can’t for my life
    Figure what you have done with our loot”

  37. Rich D says:

    A character rarely astute,
    an “Office”-er they call Dwight Schrute.
    I’ve watched every season,
    but he’s not the reason.
    It’s mostly because Pam is cute.

  38. Linda Fuller says:

    A gal who was very astute
    Spent an hour in molding each glute.
    Since she did this each day,
    Her well-toned “walk-away”
    Caused men everywhere to salute.

  39. Linda Fuller says:

    A man who was known as astute
    Chose drinks that were very dilute.
    “If I have a snootful
    I cannot be fruitful;
    My self I choose not to pollute.”

  40. Mark Kane says:

    People often ask, how did you land such an attractive wife?

    And I tell them I used to work on “Wall Street” and back in the day
    I used to wear these finely tailored three piece suits, which hide
    a lot of sins, so this Limerick is dedicated to those days.

    A gal who was very astute
    Had given each fatty the boot.
    But one took her in.
    She thought him quite thin,
    By the drape of his fine three-piece-suit.

  41. John Larkin says:

    A man who was very astute
    played a card from his very best suit.
    But the deal fell through.
    What escaped his view:
    his prospect could not give a hoot.

  42. Linda Fuller says:

    A man who was very astute
    Used rope, not of hemp but of jute
    For rock-climbing ventures:
    “On hemp, lost my dentures
    And fell on my butt off a butte.”

  43. Diane Groothuis says:

    A traveler not very astute
    Left his map in the pocket of his suit
    So then he got lost
    And at very great cost
    His cab took a circuitous route.

  44. Fred says:

    A man who was very astute
    Took pride in sagacious pursuits
    Yet he took much flack
    For his lack of tact
    When calling a foe bright but obtuse

  45. Claudia says:

    A man who was very astute
    played hours and hours the flute
    and they forced him to stop
    with a wet wiping mop
    & he thought that this was pretty rude

  46. Rosanna says:

    A gal who was very astute
    Had a big earring to boot
    She was made up to dazzle
    And hid all the frazzle
    But still, she didn’t look very cute.

  47. david king says:

    A man who was very astute
    was rendered totally mute
    when he found that his wife
    had found a new life
    and had made it away with his loot.

  48. Lynn says:

    A man who was very astute
    thought, as laundry sailed down the chute.
    “If I wasn’t so old,
    I might just be so bold
    as to try it;it’d be a hoot.”

  49. Roslyn Ross says:

    A man who was very astute
    could not see he was being a brute,
    for his faith in his mind
    was so sure all the time,
    that he knew not his own inner truth.

  50. Patrick McKeon says:

    A man who was very astute
    At a concert for lute and for flute
    Knew the show would be bad
    And the audience mad
    So he brought a large crate with bad fruit

  51. Diane Groothuis says:

    A corporal very astute
    Said to a brand new recruit
    ” We’ll get on just fine
    Is it your bunk or mine?
    And I’ll teach you how to salute?”

  52. Nan Reiner (a/k/a Kitty Ditty) says:

    A man who was very astute
    Told his son, “Married bliss? Here’s the route:
    When you notice that flaw
    In your mother-in-law,
    You’ll be far better off staying mute.”

  53. Linda Fuller says:

    A woman who some thought astute
    Kept all of her cash in a boot
    Along with some cheese,
    Seven sets of her keys
    And a small salamander or newt.

  54. Linda Moss says:

    A man who was very astute
    Knew to marry he needed much loot
    But he made a mistake
    To save money he did bake
    The wedding cake, Oh My, what a hoot !!

  55. Nan Reiner (a/k/a Kitty Ditty) says:

    A gal, who was very astute,
    Of her lifestyle declared, resolute:
    “Whereas vegan I eat,
    There is one kind of meat
    For which there is just no substitute.”

  56. Kathleen Cole says:

    A gal who was very astute
    Lacked only a business suit
    Her look complete,
    She could compete,
    At $500, she turned up her snoot. (Her title? Intellectual Effete.)

  57. Someone who is very astute
    Might dream up a scheme to have loot
    Without robbing banks
    And pulling no pranks
    But saving, and remaining mute.

  58. Mark Megson says:

    A man who was very astute
    Sweet-talked a girl he thought was quite cute
    While he pinched her gold locket
    And picked both her pockets
    ’cause he was a pirate out looking for loot

  59. Diane Groothuis says:

    An angel very astute
    Practised all day on the lute
    Saying ” God please don’t carp
    I have fractured my harp
    And the moon-dust has clooged up my flute.”

  60. Diane Groothuis says:

    That professor so very astute
    Had a temper extremely acute
    He’d say “Detention you twit”
    If an infinitive you split
    “You must rapidly exit the tute”.

  61. Diane Groothuis says:

    For the kiddies….
    Now Santa Claus very astute
    In his sleigh kept a spare new red suit
    He had had it before
    As he slipped to the floor
    His undies were covered in soot.

  62. Linda Fuller says:

    (With apologies to Jamie Hutchinson for the inadvertent theft)

    A man who was very astute
    Learned beans are the musical fruit.
    When he was in college
    Acquiring knowledge
    He frequently made his ass toot.

  63. Linda Fuller says:

    A gal who was very astute
    Was briskly engaged in pursuit
    Of dingoes “down under”
    But made a small blunder
    And captured an old bandicoot.

  64. A guy who was very astute
    Hoped to get chicks by talking of jute
    But it turns out that facts
    About fibers and flax
    Are a turn-off to anyone cute…

  65. Granny Smith says:

    Once a fellow not very astute
    When out teaching small offspring to shoot
    Heard his wife (One who cares
    For the rights to arm bears}
    Shouting, “Pick up your UZI and scoot!

    An interesting fact I discovered, when looking up UZI to see if I had spelled it right, is that it must be spelled with all caps.

  66. John Sardo says:

    A man who was very astute
    Said his company would never pollute
    Pristine rivers and clean streams
    To profit by any means
    But the board soon gave him the boot.

    A gal who was very astute
    With a will so firmly resolute
    That she never recoiled
    As nature she despoiled
    For profit and a big pile of loot.

    This gal who was very astute
    Found her mind began to compute
    So high a reward
    That she plucked from the board
    A bonus no investor would dispute.

  67. Linda Fuller says:

    A robot was very astute
    In figuring out a square root
    But sometimes his twitches
    Would generate glitches
    And nothing at all would compute.

  68. Mark Kane says:

    A gal who was very astute.
    Her tastes rarely suffered dispute.
    She liked all things “Dry”,
    And with men, a “Rough Guy”,
    So for “Bubbly” and “Men” it was “Brut.”

  69. Matt Monitto says:

    A gal who was not so astute
    Wasn’t sure if her body looked cute.
    A celebrity tease,
    She’ll aesthetically please,
    But no one at all gives a hoot.

  70. Linda Fuller says:

    A gal who was very astute
    Began seeking a good substitute
    For her Malamute dog
    That ate like a hog;
    She wanted a mutt more minute.

  71. viiv blake says:

    A man who was very astute,
    used his brain to earn lots of loot.
    But he got in the way
    of a burglar one day
    and he used his astuteness to shoot.

    The outcome was not so astute
    Policemen set off in pursuit
    as they didn’t approve
    of that kind of move –
    and were hoping to prosecute.

  72. Diane Groothuis says:

    A saleswoman very astute
    At the market was selling some fruit
    You may squeeze my apples
    But not my pine-apples
    Unless you are awfully cute.

  73. Mark Kane says:

    My doctor is rather astute:
    “Your blue pill reaction’s acute,
    And it has to go down,”
    He said with a frown,
    “Or further indulgence is moot.”

  74. Sara McNulty says:

    A man who was very astute
    Had a penchant for playing the flue
    He taught himself well
    `Til his fingers did swell
    Like fast sausage, too thick to toot.
    A woman who was very astute
    Ran a house of ill-repute
    Her clients were rich
    With one glaring glitch
    As targets of blackmail they can’t bring suit.
    A man who was very astute
    Had a wife who was a real beaut
    Short-skirted, she flirted
    With men who alerted
    Her husband, who confiscated the loot.
    A woman who was very astute
    Hired a body guard who was a brute
    To screen out the losers,
    Braggarts and boozers
    From her club, but he took bribes, the galoot!

  75. Diane Groothuis says:

    A model not very astute
    Purchased a new bathing suit
    It cost quite a lot
    But for Heaven’s sake what?
    Two small bits of cloth tied with jute.

  76. Johanna Richmond says:

    A gal who was hardly astute
    But knew how to wink and look cute
    Morphed from sweet Miss Wasilla
    To Fox News Attila;
    We all wish she’d stuck to the flute.

  77. Johanna Richmond says:

    A math whiz was very astute
    But beyond that not much of a hoot;
    Couldn’t fathom why folks
    Didn’t laugh at his jokes
    Pi not funny? That doesn’t compute!

  78. Rich D says:

    A ball player not so astute
    decided to pass and not shoot
    it went to a punk
    who messed up a dunk
    and cost them the game and some loot

  79. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks! This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 66.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun, because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Doubt.