Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BITE or BYTE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: August 10, 2019)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using BITE or BYTE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to THREATS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best THREAT-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on August 11, 2019 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, August 10, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my BITE/BYTE-rhyme limerick:

A fellow who’d spent his last dime
On a reference book about rhyme,
Wrote light verse day and night.
Some was trite. Some had bite.
But none sold, so he moved on to crime.

And here’s my THREAT-themed limerick:

“Kindly don’t call me ‘Ms.’ Call me ‘Miss,’
Said a gal with a rather loud hiss.
“All that feminist crap
Makes me sick,” went her rap.
“And I’ll sue you cuz ‘Ms.’ is a diss.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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143 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BITE or BYTE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: August 10, 2019)”

  1. Brian Allgar says:

    I am teaching our doggy to bite
    Any yellow-haired morons on sight,
    So both Johnson and Trump
    Will be nipped in the rump
    As our dog wags his tail with delight.

  2. Brian Allgar says:

    The President’s not very bright,
    Though he’s burning with hatred and spite.
    I believe his IQ’s
    ’Bout the size of his shoes,
    And he’s several bits short of a byte.

  3. John Cooney says:

    “Moody Swinger”

    The vampire I dated last night,
    Was knightly, gentile and polite,
    First, handsome and charming,
    Worst, stunning!, alarming!,
    He’d the neck to come in for a bite!

  4. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’m a “senior” and feel obsolete
    The guys used to say I was “neat”
    When a bug comes to bite
    I feel such delight
    At least SOMEONE still thinks I am sweet!

  5. Lisi Nortman says:

    Those gals with no teeth are alright!
    They are clever and sexy and bright
    And you mustn’t forget
    You will never regret:
    That they’ll suck you with not one damn bite

  6. Lisi Nortman says:

    My computer was not acting right
    I couldn’t get into one site
    Went to “Fixcom” at noon
    But the sign that “Soon
    We’ll be back; just went out for a byte”

  7. Judith H. Block says:

    When trolls try to bait you, don’t bite.
    You find great links, sources to site.
    They don’t care about facts,
    UnConstitutional acts,
    Upsetting you is their delight.

  8. Judith H. Block says:

    Provoking a bully is dumb,
    Plays into his hands, and then some.
    Loves to make idle threats,
    That’s as far as he gets,
    Sometimes, best shut up-just stay mum.

  9. Lisi Nortman says:

    Same Theme

    Mr. Trump had a sad situation
    Because of a grim confrontation
    Which started him cryin’
    Cuz someone named Brian
    Said “You are a threat to the nation”

  10. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: Could you please delete the FIRST Trump limerick I wrote at 1:27 pm
    today?
    The second one (1:53 pm) has better meter.
    Thank You,
    Lisi

    *******

    Done.

  11. Valerie Fish says:

    It was a nightmare, an awful fright
    Count Dracula was taking a bite
    But then I awoke
    ‘Twas hubby’s sick joke
    He slept downstairs the rest of the night.

  12. Tim James says:

    With the racism, rancor, and spite
    From a dimwit whose head just ain’t right,
    It’s depressing to know:
    Eighteen months still to go.
    May I please have a bullet to bite?

  13. John Cooney says:

    “Matchmaker. Match Winner”.

    The matchmaker offered a dowry,
    To me for his niece, pretty ‘Flow’ry’,
    I didn’t take bite,
    As I’m doin’ alright,
    I’m the caddy for golfer, Shane Lowry!

  14. John Cooney says:

    Addendum: Come on, Offaly. (We are terribly proud of SHANE, from our Parish and County).

  15. John Cooney says:

    “Whiskey Talks”

    I’m Paddy, I’m Irish, I’m tight,
    I’m ready to give you a fight,
    But if Granny’s related,
    To your Dad, belated,
    My bark is much worse than my bite!

  16. Jim says:

    Sign says “dog doesn’t bite”
    But it’s up for the fight
    Stick your hand here
    Pull back some cheer
    Other hand’s still alright

  17. Lisi Nortman says:

    John Mosquito was getting uptight
    Seems nothing was tasting just right
    So he bit Jane Tequila
    Cuz he wanted to feel a
    Great buzz after taking one bite

  18. The new Faceapp can give you frights
    when you think of just how many bytes
    of your data was stolen.
    It gets your head rollin’
    and you’ll age thirty years in mere nights!

  19. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Man vs. Woman”

    Mr. Jones had a real “sniffly” wife
    This condition did not cause her strife
    But when he caught her cold
    He wasn’t so bold
    And it totally threatened his life

  20. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mr. Rat had a very bad fright
    (Saw a snake in the dead of the night)
    His pal said, “Don’t worry
    There’s no need to scurry;
    He might eat you but never will bite”

  21. Lisi Nortman says:

    correction of meter: L3 from 8:45 am

    “Man vs. Woman”

    Mr. Jones had a real “sniffly” wife
    This condition did not cause her strife
    When he caught her bad cold
    He wasn’t so bold
    And it totally threatened his life

  22. John Cooney says:

    “Please, Can I have Some More?”

    I again got an “hon’rable mention”,
    And announce it is now my intention,
    To persist, with endeavour,
    If dismissed, ties may sever,
    Would a hat-trick be outta the question?

  23. John Cooney says:

    “Last Brexit Stage Left”

    “I’m Boris, P.M., here’s my sound-byte;
    ‘No back-stop’! It just doesn’t sound right,
    I’ll sort it, you see,
    For I have a degree”,
    (I fear he ain’t sound or at all bright!)

  24. John Cooney says:

    (I fear he ain’t sound or at all-bright!)

  25. Lisi Nortman says:

    A conservative wasp tried to bite
    A leftist one dark stormy night
    But he just couldn’t see
    So he bit an oak tree
    Cuz he flew much too far to the right

  26. John Shardlow says:

    A squid may change colour the second he
    Feels threat or the least hint of jeopardy
    But Donald will bellow
    Turn all kinds of yellow
    Impeachment’s the best sort of remedy

  27. John Cooney says:

    “Bedtime Routine”

    You must cover the parrot at night,
    And make sure the fly curtain’s airtight,
    Cockroaches devour,
    The ants in the shower,
    Wet the bed so the bugs do not bite!

  28. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Go Chuck Berry”

    Mr. Johnny BEE Good was uptight
    Seems that nothing was tasting just right
    So he stung Ms. Tequila
    Cuz he wanted to feel a
    Great BUZZ after only one bite

  29. John Cooney says:

    “Poor Sucker”

    Vlad flew in last week from Romania,
    Yet, imagines he’s from Pennsylvania,
    He turns day into night,
    And he won’t eat a bite,
    But, transfusions relieve his woe – mania!

  30. Tim James says:

    A fellow was high as a kite
    ‘Cause his girlfriend had made him that night
    Special brownies and cakes.
    Yes, she knows what it takes
    For a guy to feel love at first bite.

  31. John Cooney says:

    “Threat Borne Out”

    “Don’t you ever dare do that again”,
    The expectant bitch growled, in her pain,
    To her puppies, all kicking,
    “Or I’ll give ye a licking”,
    But they did, and she did – it’s mundane!

  32. John Cooney says:

    But they did, and she did – the Great Dane!

  33. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Threat” and “Bite”

    My Pit Bull’s a threatening sight
    But to me, he is just a delight
    Since I gave him some jerky
    I’m feelin’ real perky
    Cuz without all his teeth he can’t bite

  34. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Something Else To Feed Your Pit Bull”

    My Pit Bull’s a threatening sight
    But to me, he is just a delight
    Cuz I fed him jawbreakers
    From “Hard Candy Bakers”
    Now without all his teeth, he can’t bite

  35. John Cooney says:

    “Fake! Lies!”

    The ‘Times’ fired Boris for lying,
    (Incompetent quote falsifying),
    Isn’t it rather sinister,
    He is now the Prime Minister,
    A loose cannon – most terrifying!

  36. John Cooney says:

    “Guess Who’s Not Returning For Dinner!”

    Come, have a go, if you’re tough enough,
    I’ll rebuff you, you puff, ‘til you call the bluff,
    Then, when on the loo,
    I dare say you’ll rue,
    The day you partook of my stroganoff!

  37. John Cooney says:

    “Sorry You Called?”

    “Hello, I’m not in at the minute,
    Be brief with your message, begin it,
    With age, sex, location,
    And key information,
    Your address and when no one is in it!”

  38. Jean McEwen says:

    “Fear not!” Trixie said. “Just sit tight!
    Buster’s bark is much worse than his bite!”
    And so, trusting her word,
    I sat tight–but incurred
    Twelve deep gashes I’m nursing tonight.

  39. Jean McEwen says:

    Stop threatening me, or I’ll call
    The cops on your thuggish cabal!
    In the past, I’ve allowed
    Myself to be cowed
    But no longer! I’m not playing ball.

  40. John Cooney says:

    “Empty Vessels”.

    Both Donald and Boris delight,
    In ass-licking t’other, despite,
    The truth, to be told,
    They’re flaccid and old,
    And, between them, they’re good for one byte!

  41. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Not Only Is Jennifer Lopez A Triple Threat”

    It seems that I’m always in debt
    And that makes me very upset
    I have lost all my hair
    Been attacked by a bear
    And that is my famed “Triple Threat”

  42. Lisi Nortman says:

    Those “kissing bugs” give me a fright
    I am always afraid they will bite
    So I’m home when it’s dark
    Never go to the park
    Just don’t trust them; they’re real fly-by-night

  43. Lisi Nortman says:

    On the plane, I got such a bad bite
    Saw that bug, but I just couldn’t fight
    The hostess came by
    And said, “That horse fly
    Was taking a cheap non-stop flight.

  44. Lisi Nortman says:

    a minor change (L5) to emphasize a POINT!

    Mr. Jones had a real “sniffly” wife
    Whose condition did not cause her strife
    When he caught her bad cold
    He wasn’t that bold
    You would think that it threatened his life

  45. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mr. Wasp came to give me a bite
    I told him “That’s just not polite”
    “If you change your religion
    It might help a smidgen
    And then you will do what is right”

  46. Lisi Nortman says:

    He claims he goes “out for a bite”
    But something sure never seems right
    Then at bedtime I cry
    Cuz he dreams and says “I
    just love to go bump in the night”

  47. Lisi Nortman says:

    My daughter’s a slovenly sight
    When she eats she takes too big a bite
    She looks like a pig
    She’s outrageously big
    But I still think she’s cute (well, not quite)

  48. Lisi Nortman says:

    With my false teeth I no longer bite
    Into steak, (just can’t put up the fight)
    But I never confess
    That it causes distress
    So I just say “It doesn’t taste right”

  49. Richard Hull says:

    Though the ‘squad of four’ creates much fright
    And its leader rants each day and night,
    Don’t fret GOP,
    Because AOC
    Has a bark a lot worse than her bite.

  50. Brian Allgar says:

    A self-fulfilling threat

    “We’ll be coming for those”, Donald snorted,
    “With immigrant blood.” It’s reported
    His grandfather, Fred,
    Was a German who fled …
    Hey! Can ICE have the Donald deported?

  51. John Cooney says:

    “Where No Man Went Before”

    O Captain, the Klingons are rising,
    We’re hit and the ship’s vaporizing,
    And, to add to our plight,
    Mister Spock got a bite,
    With Uhura and he vulcanizing!

  52. John Cooney says:

    “Fever Reliever”

    According to Vulcan folklore,
    “Pon Farr” can be cured by a whore,
    So, Spock’s bloody bite,
    Can all be put right,
    When he goes where no man came before!

  53. Lisi Nortman says:

    Got rid of those bed bugs that bite
    And now I can fine’ly sleep tight
    But what’s that I hear?
    (Climbing right in my ear)
    Did something just whisper “Night Night” ??

  54. John Cooney says:

    “Stern Warning”.

    Listen up, class, your speling’s all rong,
    Stop fighting! Quit smoking! The pong,
    Is choking me here,
    And, I’ll leave you next year,
    If you all don’t know all Barney’s song!

  55. Lisi Nortman says:

    We’ve only just recently met
    But now I am starting to sweat
    She said, “Let’s get married”
    And now I am harried
    Cuz that is one serious threat

  56. Lisi Nortman says:

    Something’s itchy; it must be a bite
    Don’t worry, my sweet, I’m alright
    Yet one can’t be sure
    So you’ll have to “endure”
    It might kill me, so dear, not tonight

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    Saw a Pit Bull way out of control
    His owner then tried to console
    Me: said, “He won’t bite
    So there’s no need for fright
    He merely just swallows things whole”

  58. Lisi Nortman says:

    All dogs have such wonderful charm
    They never do people much harm
    If you get a small bite
    You must be real polite
    And say, “PLEASE, may I have back my arm?”

  59. Lisi Nortman says:

    correction, L5 from 9:51 am

    Saw a Pit Bull way out of control
    His owner then tried to console
    Me: said, “He won’t bite
    So there’s no need for fright
    He will simply just swallow you whole

  60. Lisi Nortman says:

    We went to see “Cool Megabyte”
    The guitarist sure had it just right
    It was really so neat
    That me and my sweet
    Will see one more gig Friday night

  61. John Cooney says:

    “Free House”

    Son, Mom and I need to take flight,
    So, we’re off for a day and a night,
    Here’s a ‘Ben’ for the cleaning,
    If you get my meaning,
    If you screw up, a bullet you’ll bite!

  62. P Diane Schneider says:

    That orange dude sez he’s always right
    We won’t concede though. We’ve come to fight
    If he gets a snakebite
    We’ll host a big yahrzeit
    And duly celebrate for all our might

  63. John Cooney says:

    “Prom Bomb”.

    Young man, I trust you have got style,
    Our daughter’s too good to beguile,
    So, don’t put your schlong,
    Where it doesn’t belong,
    Or, you’ll walk, at gunpoint, down the aisle!

  64. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Just A Dream”

    The leftists were filled with delight
    Since they won their definitive fight
    They have censored the Pres.
    Due to crap that he says
    And he’s not allowed one more sound bite

  65. Lisi Nortman says:

    “The Antique Computer Store Site”
    Was truly a wondrous delight
    The first one was bad
    And the cavemen were sad
    That it crashed cuz it just had one byte

  66. Lisi Nortman says:

    Three years ago “Dem’s” were upset
    “Bout a battle they’ll never forget
    From the “right” came the buzz
    That the new motto was
    “Stupidity Now Ain’t A Threat”

  67. Walter Daum says:

    A truly remarkable sight –
    His girth was a great as his height.
    Whenever he ate
    He put on more weight –
    Each mouthful, a huge megabite!

  68. John Shardlow says:

    ‘Cracking one off’ – noun. from English slang terminology. The act of masturbation.

    She’s completed her plan to marry a man that’s elegant, rich and well spoken
    The plot suffered defeat In the honeymoon suite when the door to the toilet swung open
    He was not such a toff
    He was cracking one off
    His vow to be true truly been broken

  69. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: Could you please delete “Limerick Plot Summary”
    from 9:38 am today, August 3rd. It is only half a limerick by mistake
    Thank You, Lisi
    ***

    Done.

  70. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Limerick Plot Summary”

    Sweet “Snow White” was stunning and bright
    But the Queen felt that just wasn’t right
    So she poisoned an apple
    (One cool way to grapple)
    And offered the lady a bite

    Well, being so very polite
    She chomped until “out went the light”
    But awoke from her spell
    Cuz the Prince knew darn well
    All it took was a smooch and a bite

  71. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oops! Rhyming Error!

    Charming Snow White was pretty and bright
    But the Queen felt that just wasn’t right
    So she poisoned an apple
    (One cool way to grapple)
    And offered the lady a bite

    So now the sweet lovely Snow White
    Chomped away until “out went the light”
    But awoke from her spell
    Cuz the Prince knew darn well
    All it took was a smooch and a bite!

  72. Diane Groothuis says:

    A pianist not very bright
    Chewed gum while performing at night
    And in the sonata
    He ate a tomata
    But his Bach was no worse than his bite
    Edit or delete this

  73. Daisy Ward says:

    The vampire took a big bite
    Then flew away like a wind kite
    The girl’s neck was raw
    Shaped like a large claw
    When looked at, she was given a fright

  74. Mark G. Kane says:

    My plan? I would sit down and write
    A poem with meaning and bite.
    But after I struggled,
    With words that I juggled,
    No nibbles it seems are in sight.

  75. Allan Williams says:

    The president’s always itching to fight
    Threatens with U.S. military might
    But when push comes to shove
    Turns into a dove
    Once again all bark and no bite

  76. Lisi Nortman says:

    It seems that I tend to forget
    My gun, (how that makes me upset!)
    When I say, “I will shoot
    If I don’t get your loot”
    It’s always a waste of a threat

  77. Lisi Nortman says:

    I remember when John and I met
    (A day I will sure not forget)
    To Home Depot we went
    He was just so content
    And to me it was life’s biggest threat

  78. Lisi Nortman says:

    Ev’ry Halloween’s fun, you can bet!
    And my son says “There’s one way to get
    Tasty candy and more
    When they open the door
    Just request a good treat or a threat”

  79. John Shardlow says:

    At the clinic I had to ask “Why me?”
    With legs in the air for the Gynae
    In the wrong ward
    Help cries ignored
    From now just call me hermoine

    My wife Chris has just turned into Mrs Malaprop. She just told a friend I had just seen the ‘gynaecologist’ (oncologist). Have included above as a ‘threat’ to my masculinity.

  80. Tim James says:

    He said nothing, made no idle chat,
    But the threat was still clear, for all that:
    “Great and mighty am I;
    Disobey me and die!”
    (That’s a typical ‘tude for a cat.)

  81. Lisi Nortman says:

    B etter run from that wasp that’s in sight
    I t could give you a real sting-full bite
    T oday it ate fruit
    E ndless food it won’t suit
    S o just shoo it away in its flight

    (acrostic)

  82. Mark G. Kane says:

    She can sing! She can act! She can dance!
    And for years was the “Queen of Romance.”
    But this June she turned sixty.
    It’s sad, what a pity;
    Her “Three Threats” now get nary a glance.

  83. Lisi Nortman says:

    B eware of those bullies who are
    U nder-handed and go way too far
    L ike the ones on your bus
    L et them make a big fuss
    (Y outhful traumas can leave a big scar)

    (“threat” acrostic)

  84. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Another Wasp Acrostic”

    B etter run from that wasp that’s in sight
    I t could give you a real sting-full bite
    T emptation is great
    E v’ry human is bait
    S o just shoo it away in its flight

  85. John Cooney says:

    “May The Force Be With You”.

    Count Dracula, high as a kite,
    Flew upward and ‘way outta sight,
    Into space, where Darth Vader,
    Misplaced his inhaler,
    So the bat, to the rescue, gave bite!

  86. Dave Johnson says:

    Trump’s method is bluster and threats;
    His message – as dumb as it gets.
    Perhaps one day hence,
    This will all make some sense,
    But no one should make any bets.

  87. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Plot Summary” (“Jaws”)

    Spielberg’s “Jaws” was a real scary sight
    ‘Bout some men and a shark and a fight
    The dumb guy was Quint
    And all due to his stint
    Ended up with one HUGE Megabite

  88. Dave Johnson says:

    (Adding on to an earlier one from a while back)

    Aunt Millie will quite often bake
    Some brownies, or maybe a cake.
    With her Saturday stop
    At the cannabis shop,
    There’s magic in every flake.

    He thought he would have one more bite
    Which followed him into the night.
    That brownie, it seems,
    Re-appeared in his dreams;
    Up there in the form of a kite.

  89. Lisi Nortman says:

    Iv’e been dieting, trying to fight
    Eating portions that just aren’t right
    So when mom baked a pie
    I told her that “I
    Would like just a bit, not a byte”

  90. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mom’s Apple Pie

    Mom made apple pie with “clove spice”
    Also cinnamon, (tasted so nice)
    Then divided EIGHT slices
    Each one with the spices
    And we all had a bit, not a byte

  91. John Cooney says:

    “Holy St. Peter!”

    Signore, step back from the vehicle,
    By Vatican law, it’s heretical,
    For you to conceal,
    The Papa-mobile,
    Or you go to hell, it’s empirical!

  92. John Cooney says:

    “Fruit Cocktail”.

    Just a spoonful of sugar, they say,
    Goes down with an apple a day,
    But, a prune is alright,
    Before noon, for a bite,
    Of a laxative; then, kumquat May!

  93. John Cooney says:

    Apologies:
    “May” should read “may”. Lower case ‘m’. My typist is a capital idiot! (Moi).

  94. John Cooney says:

    “Bye, Sky!”

    I’m blind, you see, so I can’t see,
    The point to high rental T.V.,
    Shove your bill, as my sister,
    Who knows my transistor,
    Can press the right knob all for free!

  95. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Correction”

    Mom baked apple pie for tonight
    (A real yummy home-made delight)
    Cut it into EIGHT slices
    Each one with great spices
    And we all had a bit, not a byte

  96. Lisi Nortman says:

    I got a severe raccoon bite
    He told me, “I know it’s not right:
    But I couldn’t resist
    So I had to persist
    Cuz it’s Friday, you know (garbage night”)

  97. Lisi Nortman says:

    We dined at “The Real Cozy Nook”
    All night long, at his phone, he did look
    Then he said I was rude
    And he threatened a feud
    Cuz I sat there while reading a book

  98. Brian Allgar says:

    I roamed through the forest at night;
    One tree was surprisingly bright.
    Two eyes in the bark
    That gleamed in the dark–
    Who could know that the critter would bite?

  99. John Shardlow says:

    If you argue what is sweetest, I won’t put up a fight
    Orange, ugly and the kumquat are all a sheer delight
    A citrus worse?
    Caused lips to purse
    That’s lemon’s bitter bite

  100. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mom and Dad said if I do not clean
    My room they will have to be mean:
    They threatened to bring
    Me to Burger King
    So with both of them I will be seen

  101. Lisi Nortman says:

    My Daddy’s a really nice chap
    Yet he threatened me in a quick snap:
    He said, “Next time you go
    To steal some more dough
    You must download your punishment app”

  102. Kirk Miller says:

    A computer store owner named Wright
    Has a good sense of humor and might
    Post a sign when he’ll go
    Out to lunch so folks know:
    Be Wright back, went to get a quick byte.

  103. Fred Bortz says:

    A computer nerd started a fight
    Over how one should spell a term right.
    He said, “Please don’t quibble.
    Four bits make a nybble
    With ‘y’ not an an ‘i’ — a half-byte.”

  104. Dave Johnson says:

    A director who’s films are quite lewd,
    Would tell a new actor “I’m rude
    If somehow I fail
    To disclose one detail:
    Show up and you’re gonna get screwed.”

  105. Mark G. Kane says:

    “His BARK is much worse than his bite,”
    Warned the dog owner, late in the night.
    But as doggy eased in,
    I started to grin;
    His licks washed away all my fright.

  106. John Cooney says:

    “Bitchy Comment”.

    My doggy’s perceptive and bright,
    She grunts ‘baby talk’ day and night,
    And when strangers appear,
    She threatens, in fear,
    “My wuff is ‘way wuss than my bite!”

  107. John Cooney says:

    “Bite Bark”.

    “I regret that I mentioned my ‘bark’ “,
    Said the ash to wise oak in the the park,
    Said oak, “Don’t send in it,
    ‘til very last minute,
    Lest peelers should steal your remark!”

  108. Diane Groothuis says:

    I went out to Dinner tonight
    Aspiring to find a nice bite
    But the waitress so rude
    Served me tea that was stewed.
    I can say that the service was shite..

  109. Diane Groothuis says:

    In our Great Australian Bight
    If the water is rough you’ll have fright
    And the land off the coast
    Is more arid than most
    Let the last person turn out the light.

  110. Diane Groothuis says:

    “It’s a promise my dear not a threat”
    Said the wife to her hubby -a vet
    And I don’t mean to rouse
    But bring snakes in the house
    Then one of us “OUT” has to get..

  111. Lisi Nortman says:

    “It’s Not A Dirty Window; It’s “Dog Art”

    My Dachshund is on a “crusade”
    For 2 weeks he hasn’t “obeyed”
    Fine’ly told him if he
    Doesn’t listen to me
    I will threaten to pull down the shade

  112. Dave Johnson says:

    To kiddies, a parent would drone:
    “Behave – or you’ll sit all alone!”
    That’s back in the day;
    Now they’re likely to say:
    “Enough – or I’m taking your phone!”

  113. Dave Johnson says:

    A fellow whose patience was light,
    Took a hammer to use in a fight
    With his laptop; he said
    ‘Cause it filled him with dread.
    A broken computer can’t byte.

  114. Lisi Nortman says:

    I think it is rather befudd’ling
    Not to mention ex-treme-e-ly mudd’ling
    That my bed bugs don’t bite
    Yet ev-er-ey night
    They always insist upon cudd’ling

  115. Lisi Nortman says:

    threat and bite

    Mama bed bug says, “Sweetie, good night”
    And then she says “Darling, sleep tight”
    Though she never makes threats
    Mama never forgets
    To remind me to “slip in a bite”

  116. Lisi Nortman says:

    Didn’t want that darn spider to bite
    So I thought I’d be clever and bright
    I doused some hair spray
    He did not go away
    Yet his coif turned out perfectly right

  117. Lisi Nortman says:

    OR

    Didn’t want that darn spider to bite
    So I thought I’d be clever and bright
    I doused him with spray
    He did not go away
    But his hairdo was such a delight

  118. madkane says:

    The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 10 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  119. John Cooney says:

    “Don’t Attempt To Get Fresh With Me, Man”.

    God help us, my roomie’s a schmuck,
    Oh Lordy, I was thunderstruck,
    When he hollered profuse,
    And profaning abuse,
    And dumbstruck, as he ended with “fuck”!

  120. John Cooney says:

    “Avenging And Bright”.

    Professor! – my essay – a quibble,
    Your comment – a scribble – “it’s drivel”,
    Don’t mean to persist,
    Say more, I insist,
    Expand on your drivel – I’m civil!

  121. John Cooney says:

    Line 5:
    Expound on your drivel, I’m civil!

  122. John Cooney says:

    “Life Stinks. Make The Best Of It”.

    Two rats in the sewer, an abyss,
    One squeaked: “What a shit life is this?
    But, it’s Friday, tonite,
    We can go for a bite,
    And spend all nite long on the piss”!

  123. John Cooney says:

    Line 5:
    And spend the weekend on the piss!

  124. John Cooney says:

    “I Owe My Success To My Wonderful Upbringing”.

    My Daddy ran off with my Granny,
    While Mammy just sat on her fanny,
    I n’er got a bite,
    But turned out alright,
    I’m a sore, skinny, two-timing tranny!

  125. John Cooney says:

    Madeleine, re August 7, 11.25 p.m. silly limerick (“Bitchy Comment”),
    Line 4 amendment:
    “She stutters, in fear,” to replace original line – “She threatens, in fear”.
    No big deal. Sorry for being an ass in the pain!

  126. Tim Gray says:

    I always get my own way,
    So you’d better do what I say.
    If you don’t do what I ask,
    I’ll take you to task,
    And you’ll more than rue the day.

  127. Tim Gray says:

    She took a dainty bite
    From his offering that night…
    “I have to say,
    I hope you’re not gay,
    Because it tastes like shite”.

  128. Tim Gray says:

    I’ve had it with you this morning,
    Now this is your final warning.
    If you don’t clean up your room
    At the latest by noon…
    You’ll be sleeping under the awning.

    Alternate ending…
    And don’t stand there blinking and yawning.

  129. Tim Gray says:

    Someone took a big bite
    From the cake I finished last night.
    It wasn’t a mouse
    As there are none in the house
    So it’s one of you kids, am I right?

  130. Tim Gray says:

    The News, be it ever more trite
    Panders, exclusive, to the sound-bite.
    It’s best if it’s galling
    Frightful, appalling
    “We’ll have good ratings tonight.”

  131. Tim Gray says:

    Vicious, brimming with spite
    Her comments burn as they bite.
    Her friends disappear,
    They don” want her near…
    Sadly she thinks she is right.

  132. Tim Gray says:

    The snake said take a bite.
    Adam said, “Ok. All right.”
    Then God said, “Who ate?”
    He replied with, “My mate!
    Eve said, “That wasn’t right.”

  133. Tim Gray says:

    I’d invite you for a quick bite
    But the finances are a bit tight.
    If you’d like last week’s mash,
    Or could stump up with some cash
    We could have McDonald’s tonight.

  134. Brian Allgar says:

    Thumbs-up from Trump in El Paso

    “Yeah, the guy was a nutcase, a fruit,
    And his threats took a terrible route.
    For this baby, I’m sad –
    Lost its mum and its dad –
    But it gives me a great photo-shoot.”

  135. Steve Benko says:

    With an edible, one little bite,
    And I’m soon flying high as a kite.
    Should they legalize pot?
    Maybe so, maybe not;
    Could be wrong, but it just feels so right.

  136. Lisi Nortman says:

    Saw a spider in bed Friday night
    But I truly did not feel much fright
    Because it was itsy
    And excessively bitsy
    It just gave me one tiny bite

  137. Steve Benko says:

    One day Mother Nature got pissed;
    “I will raise your sea levels,” she hissed.
    But no one would listen
    Till coastlines went missin’;
    Goodbye were whole cities soon kissed.

  138. Lisi Nortman says:

    In junk foods I always would wallow
    Till “hubby” made rules I should follow:
    “Eat only what’s right
    Never take a big bite
    And always remember to swallow”

  139. Lisi Nortman says:

    If you’re threatened, it truly won’t last
    It is something you’ll always get past
    So here’s my advice
    Listen close; be precise:
    “Get the hell away. Run really fast.”

  140. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Fictional Nightmare”

    All publishers feel a great threat
    And ruminate till they’re upset
    That downloads of books
    By nefarious crooks
    Will cause them to be in great debt

  141. John Cooney says:

    “Lower The Tone. No. Raise The Key”.

    I’m Loretta, a coal-miner’s daughter,
    And am proud of my roots, Butcher’s Holler,
    Poor Mom had to bite,
    Daddy’s finger all nite,
    To stop him goin’ down where he ought ‘er!

  142. John Cooney says:

    “Dated! Berated!”

    It’s too late, I’m inebriated,
    To mention the girl I first dated,
    We mated alright,
    I think, but a bite,
    Came and then I think I was deflated!

  143. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 328. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Card.

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