Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CARD at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: August 24, 2019)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using CARD at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to HOBBIES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best HOBBY-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on August 25, 2019, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, August 24, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my CARD-rhyme limerick:

A woman would try to discard
Attic junk, but her spouse made it hard;
The pack rat retrieved
The “antiques” that she heaved
In the trash, his “save” record unmarred.

And here’s my HOBBY-themed limerick:

A bright but annoying young bloke
Has a hobby; he’ll stoke and provoke.
He’s been booted from sites
For incitement of fights.
No one buys his “’Twas only a joke!”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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90 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CARD at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: August 24, 2019)”

  1. Jesse Levy says:

    My wife says that I am a card
    When, in dialect, I say that “Ahm tarred”
    She says, “Cut the crap
    and go take a nap.”
    But here I am playing the Bard.

  2. Jesse Levy says:

    My wife says that I am a card
    When, in dialect, I say “Ahm tarred”
    She says, “Cut the crap
    and go take a nap.”
    But here I am playing the Bard.

    (Better version, I think)

  3. Trump’s Diamonds Rule

    There once was a Joker whose card
    trumped Kings, Queens and Aces; discard
    an entire suit,
    for Hearts are moot
    and everything black is barred!

  4. Trump has no use for a card
    that isn’t a Diamond; discard
    each worthless black suit
    as a trivial pursuit,
    while Hearts are most certainly barred!

  5. Colonialist says:

    A fat gambler would play the Ace card
    Concealed in in barrel of lard,
    Unlucky for him
    His wife made him slim,
    And now he’s been feathered and tarred!

    Any inter-race insult is barred;
    For sure, someone plays the race card;
    No matter how true,
    It simply won’t do,
    They claim they’re eternally scarred.

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    Our beloved Commander-in-Chief
    Is heaving a sigh of relief.
    His “hobby”, so lewd,
    Will remain unpursued.
    “Poor Jeffrey!” he cries, with fake grief.

  7. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Hobbies”

    The Blue Jay and Robin were squawking
    Met their lawyer, John Finch, (started talking)
    ‘Bout the “Bird Watcher’s View”
    And wanted to sue
    That club for unceasingly stalking

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    A.G. Barr plays the Potus’s card,
    The “Can’t be indicted” canard.
    This lying old creep
    Sells his honor too cheap;
    Let us hope that he’ll soon be disBarred.

  9. Lisi Nortman says:

    Watching birds is my fav’rite, (by far)
    Wondrous hobby; don’t think it’s bizarre
    That I stand there all day
    Watching “cheep chirps” all play
    To make sure they don’t poop on my car

  10. Tim James says:

    I was sick, bored, confined to my bed,
    So my wife gave me needle and thread.
    “It’s embroid’ry. Explore it!”
    I’d no talent for it.
    “Stick with it!” was all that she said.

  11. Lisi Nortman says:

    I was young; Johnny sent a sweet card
    Called, “Diamonds and Hearts To Regard”
    Now we’re married and old
    And the truth must be told
    He just sent one called “Clubs, Spades In Yard”

  12. Lisi Nortman says:

    ” Johnny’s Getting More Aggressive”

    I was young; Johnny sent a sweet card
    Called “Diamonds and Hearts To Regard”
    Now we’re married and old
    And the truth must be told:
    I saw clubs and spades in the back yard

  13. Judith H. Block says:

    She loved the senior discounts- so great!
    But to look her age? That, she would hate.
    So when they’d no longer card,
    She took it really quite hard.
    She felt her female ego deflate

  14. Lisi Nortman says:

    At first I tried slicing salami
    “That JUST AIN’T NO HOBBY!!” said mommy
    And then I tried reading
    But wasn’t succeeding
    (I settled upon origami)

  15. Kirk Miller says:

    For minority drivers, it’s hard
    On the speedway; they’re constantly jarred.
    One black driver was tough,
    But when he’d had enough,
    He decided to play the race card.

  16. Lisi Nortman says:

    ( a minor correction) “Hobbies”

    The Blue Jays and Robins were squawking
    Saw their lawyer, John Finch, (started talking)
    ‘Bout the club: “Bird’s Eye View”
    Cuz they wanted to sue
    That organization for stalking

  17. Now that Epstein had to die,
    conspiracy fever is high.
    It’s not that hard.
    Just take crayon and card,
    write “Hillary” and let it fly!

  18. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Hobbies”

    My “hubby” is just so unique
    Ev’ry day he will fish at the creek
    But this man’s so obsessed
    And who would have guessed
    (Even tried it when we had a leak)

  19. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Hobbies”

    My wife’s what they call quite a “looker”
    She’s even a fairly good cooker
    This gal’s sure a dish
    Also loves to go fish
    And is known as “The Town’s Greatest Hooker”

  20. Lisi Nortman says:

    It’s important! You must disregard
    Certain mail, even though it seems hard
    Throw it right in the trash
    As quick as a flash
    If it says, “Pre-approved Credit Card”

  21. Lisi Nortman says:

    Since I’m rich, I can just disregard
    Money problems that most find so hard
    Cuz “BALANCE OUTSTANDING”
    Cries out I’m commanding
    And that’s why I love Mastercard

  22. John Shardlow says:

    A comic, a joker, a card
    Descriptions of me are quite hard
    They can’t get to grips
    With pranks, puns and quips
    From suicide help lines, I’m barred!

  23. John Shardlow says:

    When Frankie ‘went through the card’
    Ascot punters gave highest regard
    Seven races, all winners
    More firsts than hot dinners
    A day when the bookies were scarred

    Frankie Dettori – Italian jockey, based in the UK

  24. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Interest Rates” !!!

    From “Discount Stores” you should be barred
    So please take this into regard:
    Do not buy bubble gum
    For a 20 cents sum
    And THEN use your damn credit card

  25. Jesse Levy says:

    Okay, so I like writing rhyme.
    I ask you, is that such a crime?
    Instead of just working
    my brain starts in perking
    then I’m forced to stay overtime.

  26. John Cooney says:

    Thumbs up to John Shardlow.
    I like your Detroit limerick, John.
    Frankie is very popular over here.
    👍 🐎

  27. John Cooney says:

    Sorry for typo – Dettori (not Detroit 🚗)
    😡

  28. John Cooney says:

    “Are You Goin’ To The Fleadh?”

    As festivals go, there’s no doubt,
    The Fleadh is the best that’s about,
    Sweet tunes go a revvin’,
    For 24/7,
    It’s heaven until you’re fleadhed out!

    Fleadh (pronounced “Fla”) = Irish Music Festival.
    It attracts traditional music players from all over the world.
    Coincidentally, it’s on this week. Half a million people expected to attend.
    It is unique, in that impromptu sessions occur non-stop at every turn.

  29. Diane Groothuis says:

    My hobby today’s Diamond Dotz
    And my beads are aranged in small pots
    The picture I make
    I’m afraid is a fake
    But van Gogh is the go..all in spots.

  30. Diane Groothuis says:

    I sent him a crude Birthday card
    With humour a little bit hard
    But that sort of mirth
    Was all he is worth
    Here we call him a silly f####tard.

  31. John Cooney says:

    “Home Away from Home”.

    Cape Breton’s the fair isle where I,
    Must settle to live, bye and bye,
    For the vamp and the twiddle,
    Of piano and fiddle,
    Is my fix of choice to get high!

  32. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Hobbies”

    I fine’ly created my wish
    And made “Lyonnaise a la Fish”
    My husband said, “Yuk”
    “This tastes just like muck”
    But my dog found it simply “delish”

  33. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Sympathy Card”

    “I’ve heard from most places you’re barred
    And I’m sure that it makes you feel scarred
    Here’s a note just to say
    I hope you’re okay
    So please read this “recycled shit” card

  34. Lisi Nortman says:

    Genealogy sure seemed to be
    An in’tresting hobby for me
    So I pulled out the weeds
    Then bought brand-new seeds
    And grew a real cool fam’ly tree

  35. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Hobbies”

    With my cooking I tried to create
    An artistic and real tempting plate
    I was simply a flop
    But that won’t make me stop
    Cuz my Corn Flakes just always taste great

  36. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Hobbies”

    My wife is the type who will boast
    And say that her cooking’s “the most”
    But if she’s the best
    I’m still not impressed
    Cuz why are there bones in the toast?

  37. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Hobbies”

    My scrapbooks are making a hit
    But I must say I’m having a fit
    All the paper costs more
    Than it did way before
    Because of this recycling shit

  38. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Dangerous Hobby”

    Photography surely had sprung
    For either the old or the young!
    The posers agree
    They are willing to be
    All shot, and then framed, and then hung

  39. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Limerick Hobby”

    Mad’s Lim’rik Off’s such a great race
    You write poems and try to keep pace
    But it’s only 3 days
    And I must change my ways
    Cuz I’m taking up way too much space

  40. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Limerick Hobby”

    Writing lim’riks is quite an obsession
    You burst with creative expression
    Is it just a pursuit
    To be clever or cute?
    (Or is it demonic possession?)

  41. Roger Haugen says:

    He grunted and sweated and sparred,
    Tuning up for the big boxing card;
    But worst came to worst–
    Knocked out in the first;
    All that work couldn’t shed enough lard.

  42. John Shardlow says:

    You’re locked in the slammer and bored
    Drugs, baccy and cell phone? Can’t afford
    Just go to the shower
    Where inmates de-flower
    New cons as a hobby, some reward!

  43. Tim James says:

    I once knew a guy named Bernard
    Who held gals in the lowest regard.
    When he met one buff lass,
    He grabbed hold of her ass.
    I sent him a nice get-well card.

  44. Tim Gray says:

    I am a garden buff
    And I really know my stuff.
    Growing vegies, flowers and fruit,
    Mowing lawns and weeds uproot,
    I can never get enough.

    I prune my roses and my trees
    And like to make a home for bees.
    I play host to those that squirm,
    Both the compost and earth worm
    Though slugs and snails don’t please.

    There is one thing, a sheer delight
    As the day turns into night,
    To sit amid the flowers that bloom,
    Scents wafting in that outside room,
    Serenity in the fading light.

  45. Tim Gray says:

    If you want to be feathered and tarred
    Tell the truth on Trump’s golfing score card.
    Just double the score,
    So a two putt means four,
    But prepare to be roasted and charred.

  46. Tim Gray says:

    John thinks he’s a bit of a card
    As he reels off jokes by the yard,
    But they couldn’t be duller
    Even though they’re off-colour,
    As a comic he should really be barred.

  47. Tim Gray says:

    If you think there’s nothing finer
    Than having sex with a minor
    Your pursuit you should change
    And desire rearrange
    Lest you risk becoming a jail timer.

  48. Tim Gray says:

    One thing that John liked to do,
    And was sure that none else knew,
    Was to dress up as a girl
    And to dance and to whirl
    Wearing his sister’s tutu.

  49. Tim Gray says:

    In the hours after work he’ll
    Join in with a knitting circle.
    And as the lone male
    He never does fail
    To “knit” with one young Miss Merkle.

  50. Lisi Nortman says:

    Hobbies

    I was sorry to hear ’bout my boss,
    (Mr. Crossword) Oh, my what a loss!
    He was buried in town
    All of six feet way down
    And him arms were both two feet across

  51. John Shardlow says:

    I’ll admit I’ve been a transgressor
    Revealed sins to priest and confessor
    But under men’s clothes
    I’m wearing pink panty hose
    Do you think he’ll guess I’m a cross-dresser?

    Tim, I always thought of this as a life style rather than hobby.

  52. Bill Pfeil says:

    A theory is Epstein they took,
    And is snug in a far away nook.
    Then at trials Bill Barr’d
    Present his wild card,
    And the pedo recites his black book.

  53. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Another Hobby Failure”

    My magic tricks weren’t real funny
    (So bad, didn’t make any money)
    I became so confused
    Not a soul was amused
    When I pulled my hat out of a bunny

  54. John Shardlow says:

    I’m a black belt at judo he’d scoff
    His grip on her throat made her cough
    The attack on her passage
    She new she could manage
    With a flick of the wrist, tossed him off

    A weightlifting lady from Hatch
    Was intent on improving her snatch
    Now she’s one in a million
    With her new Brazillian
    And the partial removal of thatch

  55. Jean McEwen says:

    Here’s a verse for a sympathy card:
    “I regret that your life’s been so hard.
    But mine’s been much worse
    So I just can’t disburse
    Any pity for you.” (Signed, “The Bard.”)

  56. Lisi Nortman says:

    I must tell you I’m feeling so jarred
    Money’s tight and my life is so hard
    So I thought of a way
    For a gift I can pay
    With my gift card to buy a gift card

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    (better flow)

    From Discount Stores you should be barred
    So please take this into regard:
    When you buy bubble gum
    For a 20 cents sum
    Do NOT use your damn credit card!

    (and yer holdin’ up the line)

  58. Tim James says:

    A spaceman whose name was Picard
    Met a moon maid who, dropping her guard,
    Asked him, “Care for a go?”
    He replied, “Make it so.”
    Then he promptly “engaged” with her, hard.

  59. Lisi Nortman says:

    “A Soothing Hobby”

    It’s easier than it might seem
    You MUST keep repeating your “theme”
    It’s pure relaxation
    And called “meditation”
    (Also known as a nap and a dream)

  60. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick: L5 I did not meant to say (Also know as a nap and a dream) I meant to say (Also known as a nap and a dream)
    Could you please change that one word for me?

    Thank you, Lisi

    ****

    Done.

  61. Lisi Nortman says:

    My brother? (I just disregard)
    He’s a druggie; his mind is just charred!
    He is just so damn bent
    For my birthday he sent
    Me an actual Blank Inside Card

  62. Lisi Nortman says:

    My brother? (I just disregard)
    He’s a druggie, whose mind is real charred
    He is just so damn bent
    For my birthday he sent
    Me an actual Blankinside Card

    better, I think?

  63. Stephen B. Fleming says:

    The House should not disregard
    The lit’ny of sins that have scarred
    The executive role
    What a villainous soul
    It’s time to play the Trump card.

  64. Lisi Nortman says:

    Tennis: A great hobby and a very helpful hint:

    In football, it’s shrewd when you’re punting
    In baseball, it’s smart when you’re bunting
    But in tennis, to win
    Just keep up that grin
    And master the fine art of grunting

  65. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Key

    For lim’riks “the key” is the versing
    For acting, “the key” is rehearsing
    But golf is unique
    You must have great technique
    And master the fine art of cursing

  66. Lisi Nortman says:

    correction of photography limerick August 13th

    Photography surely has sprung
    For both oldsters and also the young
    The posers agree
    They are willing to be
    All framed and then shot and then hung

  67. Lisi Nortman says:

    Gardening: A Great Hobby!

    The garden’s my passion, for sure
    My lawn has that wondrous allure
    But don’t be unkind
    So if you don’t mind
    Please refer to the shit as “manure”

  68. Lisi Nortman says:

    change in L3

    The garden’s my passion for sure
    My lawn has that wondrous allure
    But you’re being unkind
    So if you don’t mind
    Please refer to the shit as “manure”

  69. John Shardlow says:

    You say it flies faster and longer?
    I’m afraid you couldn’t be wronger
    When it soars in the sky
    Prey catches it’s eye
    It’s the Hobby, she now stoops to conquer

  70. John Shardlow says:

    You’re riding an old hobby horse
    About punitive terms of divorce
    Just stop the bleating
    Accept your cheating
    And show a little remorse

  71. Lisi Nortman says:

    A Great Hobby

    I really don’t know what I’m doing
    Can’t figure out what I’m pursuing
    Ev’ry day I work out
    But I’m sure not devout
    (I exercise mostly by chewing)

  72. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Hobby Of Reading

    My son said that reading’s a “pain”
    So I felt it was time to explain
    I said, “Stop that bawling
    Reading’s only installing
    The software right into your brain”

  73. Tim Gray says:

    In some things I’m always right
    And expound it with all of my might.
    As a matter of course
    I jump on my hobby horse
    And harangue in a loud verbal fight.

  74. Tim Gray says:

    The gate lock I slipped with my card,
    Silently crossed over the yard,
    Crept in through the back door
    But slipped on the wet floor
    And woke the house when I fell hard.

    alternate end:
    And woke up the house with, “OH GAWD!!!”

  75. Bill Pfeil says:

    (Favored by some sci fi hobbyists)

    The show’s graphic and gross, viewers cringe.
    It is vulgar TV on the fringe,
    Moral decency, none,
    “But it’s brilliant and fun,”
    ‘Rick and Morty’ fans say as they binge.

  76. Lisi Nortman says:

    Doing yoga is such a disgrace
    I tried, but I couldn’t keep pace
    Had to call 911
    It sure wasn’t fun
    Cuz my foot was in front of my face

  77. Lisi Nortman says:

    Different Punchline

    Doing yoga was such a disgrace
    I tried, but I couldn’t keep pace
    Had to call 911
    And it sure wasn’t fun
    Cuz my foot was attached to my face

  78. Lisi Nortman says:

    Most men seem to just disregard
    A task that all women find hard
    To pick the right one
    For love and for fun
    (Don’t bother; he won’t read that card)

  79. Tim James says:

    A couple went out one fine day
    Watching birds (as they later would say).
    They agreed to begin
    With a cardinal sin
    And to end by enjoying a jay.

  80. Lisi Nortman says:

    Marathon Running

    When the weather is brisk and real clear
    Keep running and people will cheer
    There’s no need for stopping
    But please avoid flopping
    Wear a jock strap, (perhaps a brassiere?)

  81. Kirk Miller says:

    Two morticians rig sailing ships, ’tis
    A good hobby for Bobby and his
    Partner Mort. Bob’s the best
    At ship building, confessed
    He is just not the rigger Mort is.

  82. Lisi Nortman says:

    Horse Back Riding

    My horse is so great, like none other
    He told me he had a nice brother
    He said his name’s Dick
    And it fine’ly did click
    It seems that I once rode his mother

  83. Daisy Ward says:

    A gambler hides his high card
    Pulls it out from his trick part
    Was beaten down to the floor
    Jumps up wanting more
    Five bullets were pumped in his heart

  84. Daisy Ward says:

    Jet skiing is his hobby
    His jet ski name was Bobby
    It took off to fast
    Threw him right on his ass
    Got up then sat in the lobby

  85. Lisi Nortman says:

    Reading Science Fiction

    Those “Time Travel” books are unique
    They sure have a certain mystique
    I needed to look
    For a specified book
    (Found out I returned it last week)

  86. Lisi Nortman says:

    Marathon Running For Ladies Only

    When the weather is brisk and real clear
    Keep running; the people will cheer
    There’s no need for stopping
    But try avoid flopping
    By wearing a sturdy brassiere

  87. Lisi Nortman says:

    Well, sometimes it’s just hard to cope
    When climbing a tall rocky slope
    So here’s what to do
    To get yourself through:
    Bring a backpack, a rope, and some dope

  88. Lisi Nortman says:

    You’ll never be known as a scamp
    In fact, they will call you “The Champ”
    For Christmas, a card
    Shows you truly regard
    Your folks who are sure worth a stamp

  89. Lisi Nortman says:

    Or You Could Put It This Way

    You’ll never be known as a scamp
    In fact, they will call you “The Champ”
    For Christmas, a card
    Shows you don’t disregard
    Your folks who are sure worth a stamp

  90. John Shardlow says:

    Beach boys like riding the waves
    Pot holders, descending in caves
    On land, sea and air
    They will always be there
    To face danger that man always craves

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