Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: PRO at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: Sept. 7, 2019)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using PRO at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to INTERNET HAZARDS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best INTERNET HAZARD-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on September 8, 2019, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, September 7, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my Pro-Rhyme limerick:

You’re unlikely to earn any dough
By becoming a limerick pro.
But you might get applause
And some giggles, guffaws,
And awards, if you give it a go.

And here’s my Internet Hazard-Themed limerick:

Bought a gadget online — what a steal!
Quite expensive, yet still a great deal.
I just wish it would come;
The wait’s making me glum,
And I’m praying the seller is real.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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140 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: PRO at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: Sept. 7, 2019)”

  1. John Shardlow says:

    When Trump shook the hand of Trudeau
    He thought that “This guy’s a pro”
    Like a kick in the teeth
    With his hand underneath
    His pride never sunken so low

  2. John Shardlow says:

    I’ve just heard from an African Prince
    Who’s doing his best to convince
    Me to share in his wealth
    And transfer by stealth
    Dirty money he’s trying to rinse

  3. John Shardlow says:

    DiMaggio married Munro
    Not just a regular ‘Joe’
    That ball he could whip her
    The great ‘Yankee Clipper’
    He was the ultimate pro

  4. John Shardlow says:

    Saving money on eBay’s a good tactic
    This time I bought prophylactic
    But I’m going to sue
    Cos’ my willy turned blue
    And my partner’s going ballistic

  5. Lisi Nortman says:

    It was truly a terrible shame
    When Google emerged with this claim:
    “All of Superman’s mail
    Has now put him in jail
    Cuz we found out that ain’t his real name”

  6. Lisi Nortman says:

    or another ending would be:

    It was truly a terrible shame
    When Google emerged with this claim:
    “All of Superman’s mail
    Has now put him in jail
    Cuz he entered a counterfeit name”

  7. John Shardlow says:

    He signed on her will as ‘Per Pro’
    Just so he could cop for the dough
    The lawyer’s position
    Is treat with suspicion
    A witness who’s name is ‘John Doe’

  8. Tim James says:

    Nitroglycerin’s touchy, although
    It’s quite safe in the hands of a pro.
    Which I am. So don’t fret;
    I’ve had no problems yet.
    I’ve no fear it will ever explo―

  9. Lisi Nortman says:

    Here’s a fact that some people don’t know
    ‘Bout something a long time ago:
    It was always the “buzz”
    That Al Capone was
    A Con who was surely a Pro

  10. Lisi Nortman says:

    On Facebook I’m known as “The Sage”
    My brilliance belies my young age
    To me friends confess
    Ev’ry time they transgress
    And each one of them lives in my page

  11. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick: L5 reads “And each one of them lives on my page”
    I meant to say: And each one of them lives IN my page
    Could you change that one word for me?
    Thank You



  12. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Scarface” (slightly modified)

    Here’s a fact that most people don’t know
    ‘Bout something a long time ago
    It was always the buzz
    That Al Capone was
    A Con who was also a Pro

  13. Lisi Nortman says:

    If there’s one thing that you and I know
    It is “Don’t be attracted to dough”
    But to tell the truth, John
    Even though we’re both “con”
    If you marry me, then I’ll be “pro”

  14. Lisi Nortman says:

    I have tried but I’m sure not a pro
    (How I wanted to feel all aglow)
    With my lofty ambitions
    I tried new positions
    Yet I still always end up below

  15. Brian Allgar says:

    As a poet, I’m hesitant, slow;
    Just an amateur, if you must know.
    But this hesitation
    I call “crastination”,
    At which I’m a genuine pro.

  16. Brian Allgar says:

    The Internet sold me a pup,
    But you won’t hear me cry, “Lock her up!”
    That pup, for my wife,
    Is the love of her life;
    I’m happy to be runner-up.

    Brian, wife and their

  17. Sharon Neeman says:

    As some of my friends here may know,
    I had surgery four weeks ago —
    And I’m happy to say
    I’m much better today,
    For my surgeon’s an absolute pro!

    from Mad Kane

    I’m so sorry that you had to have more surgery, but very glad to hear that you’re much better now!

  18. Lisi Nortman says:

    Don’t e-mail your friend about Bob
    Even though he’s your latest heart throb
    Be careful of botching
    “Big Brother” is watching
    And he looks like your dear “hubby” Rob

  19. Lisi Nortman says:

    That Facebook is truly sublime
    (Wrote all “friends” we’ll be trav’ling to Lyme)
    We bid our farewells
    Now here go the bells
    Get ready, all burglars: IT’S TIME

  20. Kirk Miller says:

    My dear wife is a seamstress, a pro.
    When I ask, “Mend shirt’s holes?” she says, “No.”
    So I stitch on my own,
    And the reason’s well known.
    It is simply because she said sew.

  21. Sue Meoti says:

    There’s a Kansan, a gambler, a pro.
    To Las Vegas he’ll frequently go.
    He consistently wins,
    So he constantly grins.
    He’s the Wizard of Odds, don’t you know.

  22. John Shardlow says:

    My Granddad has become quite a pro
    And just so his guests never know
    Being very discreet
    He will lean in seat
    Whilst craftily ‘letting one go’

  23. Brian Allgar says:

    I had noted the time, no mistake,
    Of the purchase on Ebay I’d make.
    But I spent so much time
    For a limerick rhyme
    That I missed it, for Madeleine’s sake!

  24. John Shardlow says:

    Sorry Mad, typo in DiMaggio lim, should read ‘the ultimate pro’


  25. Dave Johnson says:

    Some people are wearing GoPro;
    Real handy for filming a show.
    But here’s where its charm
    Might be viewed with alarm:
    Not turning it off when you go.

  26. Debby Simon says:

    He’s proficient at procrastinating
    His wife finds it quite aggravating
    He claims he’s a pro
    At taking things slow
    Yet he’s fast in the bedroom when mating

  27. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Internet Hazards” and “Pro”

    Just watch me; you’ll witness a “pro”
    We can get balls for free, (don’t need dough)
    Just log on “Pussy Chats”
    They won’t know that we’re cats
    It’s the Internet. Who’s gonna know?

  28. Lisi Nortman says:

    better version

    Now watch me and witness a pro
    We can get balls for free, (won’t need dough)
    Just log on “Pussy Chats”
    Even though we are cats
    It’s the Internet. Who’s gonna know?

  29. Tim Gray says:

    If you’re a Wrestling Pro
    You know it’s mainly for show.
    Though those not expert
    Can get seriously hurt
    But don’t let the audience know.

  30. Tim Gray says:

    You live the highs and the low
    As a champion star sporting Pro.
    From the renown and fame
    At the top of their game,
    To scandal, to loss and to woe.

    Alternate 4th line: A common household name,

  31. John Shardlow says:

    Typed ‘big jugs’ when you’re looking for crocks?
    Prepare for almighty shocks
    Clear ‘Internet history’
    ‘Search’ to a mystery
    (And for chickens, just never write cocks)

  32. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Hazards Of Internet Dating

    I got an online “invitation”
    To meet at “The Romance Location”
    But I had to refuse
    Cuz this jerk didn’t use
    Any correct punctuation

  33. Lisi Nortman says:

    This Internet sure is a trap!
    I can’t understand all this crap!
    So I better ask Kyle
    But I’ll wait just a while
    Cuz right now it is time for his nap

  34. Tim James says:

    Online dating for me has been dreck:
    Last night’s gal was a sad, sorry wreck.
    They had promised she’d be
    Just exactly like me.
    What a loser! Wait, hold on a sec…

  35. Lisi Nortman says:

    I was yearning to meet a nice male
    So online fine’ly heard from this “Dale”
    He wrote, “Come ’round the gate
    Over there I shall wait”
    Then I noticed that he was in jail

  36. Dave Johnson says:

    While browsing for bawdy delights,
    He visited scandalous sites.
    Then one showing sex
    With his soon-to-be ex;
    Whose lovers were costumed as knights.

  37. Lisi Nortman says:

    I wanted to meet some nice guys
    Searched online; thought it sure would be wise
    Mr. “X” said he’s smart
    Has a passion for art
    And spends most of his time eating flies

  38. Lisi Nortman says:

    It was tempting, (I had to say “No”)
    “Sex is great” (said my friends) “Be a PRO”
    But I’m a good girl
    Will not give it a whirl
    That’s my answer. Case closed. (yet, although)

  39. Tim Gray says:

    Should I stay or should I go?
    A row of Cons and one Pro.
    I could end up real hurt,
    Lose my pride, lose my shirt…
    If I leave then I’ll never know.

  40. Tim Gray says:

    I had no reason to think
    When I accidentally clicked on that link
    That I’d loose all my cash,
    It was gone in a flash,
    Quicker than you can blink.

    Slightly different version:-

    I had no reason to think
    When I accidentally clicked on that link
    But then in a flash
    I lost all my cash…
    Sometimes it just pays to think.

  41. Tim Gray says:

    That nice Nigerian Prince
    Tried very hard to convince
    Me, with much importune,
    I’d won a fortune,
    But I haven’t heard from him since.

  42. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Internet gives me a thrill
    But today it sure made me feel ill
    My screen was just blank
    What a terrible prank!
    My neighbors did not pay the bill

  43. Lisi Nortman says:

    You can bet that I sure will not spend
    More time on that damn Facebook “trend”
    Cuz I couldn’t delete
    My status as “cheat”
    So I murdered my dearest unfriend

  44. Lisi Nortman says:

    From the Internet, I’m overwrought
    It is something I shouldn’t have sought
    I always feel strife
    Google’s just like my wife
    Cuz it won’t let me finish a thought

  45. Lisi Nortman says:

    better version of a previous limerick “Wi-Fi Thief”

    The Internet gives me a thrill
    But today it sure made me feel ill
    What happened just stank
    My screen was all blank
    Cuz my neighbor did not pay the bill

  46. Here am I, who am surely a pro
    And I’m feeling just like a yo-yo!
    My computer’s the string
    I’m attached to this thing
    And gosh darn it, it won’t let me go!

  47. Roger Haugen says:

    The Internet’s glorious mess,
    Is a hazard to all, nonetheless;
    It opens the gate
    To rivers of hate,
    Where bigots find true happiness

  48. Roger Haugen says:

    It’s such a conundrum to know
    If one should be anti or pro;
    But riding the fence
    Defies common sense,
    And condemns one to go with the flow.

  49. Bill Pfeil says:

    Great in college, but bad as a pro,
    Intercepted on every throw.
    Fans became apoplectic,
    The star’d gone dyslexic,
    Reversing the ‘X’ and the ‘O.’

  50. Lisi Nortman says:

    It was time that I made my confession
    I was feeling excessive depression
    Could not sleep at night
    Something just wasn’t right
    My “doc” called it “Wi-Fi Obsession”

  51. Lisi Nortman says:

    I am known as “The Cynical Wreck”
    Just can’t figure it out. (what the heck?)
    But I’m happy that I
    Fine’ly got my Wi-Fi
    And can hate ev’ry body “high tech”

  52. Lisi Nortman says:

    I really do not give a hoot
    ‘Bout the Internet and its repute
    Cuz life was much better
    Simply WRITING a letter
    And apple was merely a fruit

  53. Kirk Miller says:

    On the Internet, cops have been tracking
    Business break-ins; arrests are not lacking.
    Today on TV,
    I happened to see
    They arrested some coughers for hacking.

  54. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oh WOW! my new wife is a PRO
    This gal sure has get-up-and-go!
    I’m so glad her Mom said
    “My dear, when you’re wed
    When it comes to sex, act like a HO”

  55. Ken Gosse says:

    I wrote this in response to Mad’s comment that there’s no need to be a PRO to write limericks and because Brian’s photo is on the Limerick-Off link on my Facebook page.

    From No One to Pro One – or –
    Practice Makes Mistakes Before It Makes Perfect ~
    As for this Challenge, here goes
    (and I hope this encourages those
    who might start off slow,
    for as limericists, we know
    that We don’t need no stinkin’ pro’s).

    A limerick’s a great way to go
    if it’s humor you want to bestow,
    and though we see Brian,
    Mad still isn’t lyin’
    ’cause no one starts out as a pro.

  56. Bruce Alter says:

    Georgie, he bought a GoPro
    To take pictures wherever he’d go.
    On a riverbank ledge
    Too close to the edge,
    Poor Georgie went with the flow.

  57. Bruce Alter says:

    The email said he is a prince.
    It wasn’t too hard to convince.
    FBI’s at his door.
    Looks like he is done for.
    I hope he has cute fingerprints.

  58. Diane Groothuis says:

    My beautiful daughter named Pam
    Once fell for an internet scam
    I’ll give you a hint
    Just read the fine print
    Or they’ll debit you ad nauseam.

  59. Tim Gray says:

    Climate Change Discussion

    The G7 Leaders were Pro,
    Trump alone was the No!
    What an arrogant stand
    When disaster’s at hand,
    The voters should really say so.

  60. Tim Gray says:

    In Amsterdam, row after row,
    You could walk and find you a Pro,
    But now not at their ‘winda’,
    Instead they use Tinder
    Or a site to put on a show.

  61. Tim Gray says:

    For Democracy most like to say Pro.
    The Republicans appear to say No!
    If you’re one of us,
    Come on, jump on the bus,
    You others, won’t have a say so.

  62. Tim Gray says:

    I’m feeling a little forlorn
    All my searches deliver up Porn.
    The search logic they use
    Is based on previous cues
    But that “Old Me” has since long “gorn”.

  63. Lisi Nortman says:

    Remember you must have suspicions
    So follow all routine traditions
    Thus, before you begin
    Your “Internet Spin”
    Please read all the “Terms and Conditions”

  64. Diane Groothuis says:

    Sue was a sweet little pro
    Who always gave out quid pro quo
    A popular lass
    With a sizeable ass
    She maintained status quo as a hoe.

  65. Lisi Nortman says:

    Internet Rejection

    Online dating? There’s none to compare!
    Here’s that man who just answers your prayer
    Then you find one more guy
    To the first, say “Goodbye”
    (All of this without leaving your chair)

  66. Lisi Nortman says:

    It’s the truth that you surely don’t know
    Who is sending you e-mails, although
    I do want to see
    Who is writing to me
    Just today, I got one from Van Gogh

  67. Dave Johnson says:

    Intent on becoming a pro,
    He ate too much, hoping to grow.
    “Perhaps it’ll work.”
    Said the coach with a smirk;
    “When football is played in slow-mo.”

  68. Dave Johnson says:

    Be careful with every tweet;
    Assuming you’d still like to eat.
    For some, breaking dumb
    With the stroke of a thumb
    Has put their butts out on the street.

  69. As far as these kind of things go
    I’ve been told I’m the ultimate pro
    Not at drug or shot slamming
    But simply pro “gramming”
    And that’s how I make so much dough

  70. Dave Johnson says:

    For expertise, turn to a pro;
    Immersing in what they would know.
    Fulfilling a need,
    Dedication and speed;
    Her assets are worth all the dough.

  71. Jean McEwen says:

    Those nude selfies that Dick and I took,
    Which featured Dick’s dick and my nook,
    Have now somehow gone viral,
    Igniting a spiral
    Of stalkers (punk crooks, in my book).

  72. Jean McEwen says:

    I searched for a slick portmanteau
    Merging both sound and meaning with “pro.”
    But I failed in my quest,
    So I guess that the best
    I can do is to effortforgo.

  73. John Shardlow says:

    I’v studied your profile now
    And wondering how the hell how
    You held those positions
    Do you do commissions?
    For pliancy, please take a bow

  74. Lisi Nortman says:

    I just love to be friendly and mingle
    Meeting somebody new makes me tingle
    Online met this man
    Then my question began:
    “Are you single, or “Internet Single?”

  75. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Let’s Go To The Game”

    Some people don’t think this is funny
    But I have to admit to you, Honey
    When athletes go “pro”
    Let those steroids just flow
    Cuz I want to get most for my money

  76. Sue Meoti says:

    “Every day I get lots of those damn
    Bogus e-mails. The latest,” warned Sam,
    “Said to not eat canned pork.
    You will not be a dork
    By ignoring the e-mail. It’s Spam.”

  77. Lisi Nortman says:

    On “Match Love” I met this guy Fred
    We met cause he seemed quite well-bred
    I asked, “What’s with that hair
    That you claimed was so rare?”
    (Then he told me it’s not on his head)

  78. Lisi Nortman says:

    On “Match Love” I met this guy Fred
    We met cause he seemed quite well-bred
    I asked, “What’s with that hair
    That you claimed was so rare?”
    (Then he told me it’s not on his head)

  79. Tim James says:

    A seafood tycoon that I know
    Lobbies smart, like a consummate pro.
    Politicians, for hire,
    Grant his ev’ry desire
    ‘Cause he’s mastered the old squid pro quo.

  80. Ken Gosse says:

    The Buck Don’t Land Here ~
    Most limericks I write as a pro
    are on salary known as bono.
    Since it’s me I can’t pay
    I just give words away
    in the hopes that some might send some dough.

  81. Brian Allgar says:

    “They say the economy’s slow”,
    Whined the Donald. “It can’t be! You know
    I’m a genius, right?
    Here’s the chart, outa sight,
    As I make the economy grow.

    Fake news!” he complained with a frown.
    “My know-how’s a cause of renoun!
    I’m a financial pro!
    Lemme show you! Look! … Oh,
    I’m holding the chart upside-down.”

  82. Brian Allgar says:

    You ask, “Why does Donald use Twitter
    To govern?” Well, what could be fitter?
    With his phone on his lap,
    He can spew out some crap,
    While the rest of it goes in the shitter.

  83. John Shardlow says:

    Inspired by recent trip to Venice where young ladies aspiring to be models adopted poses in front of every worthwhile bit of scenery for a ‘selfie’.

    My reaction is “Go take a hike!”
    When you invite me to ‘like’
    Those ‘resting bitch faces’
    That show all the traces
    Of ‘trout pout’ (or even a pike)

  84. Lisi Nortman says:

    I looked up a curious word
    Its meaning seemed rather absurd:
    It said “Internet troll
    Is a lonely old soul
    Who happens to be a real nerd”

  85. Lisi Nortman says:

    On the Internet, nothing’s uncut
    There’s the good stuff and then there’s the smut
    And on “You Tube” you’ll find
    When you type in “behind”
    Instructions on wiping your butt

  86. Lisi Nortman says:

    Don’t look up health problems!!

    On the Internet, it clearly said
    “Don’t waste time. Hurry up. Get in bed.
    A hangnail is bad
    And you should be glad
    You’re alive because soon you’ll be dead”

  87. Lisi Nortman says:

    I must tell you I just was in shock
    On Facebook, (about ten o’clock)
    Was a terrible fight
    And I knew it had “bite”
    Cause both rivals were using “CAPS LOCK”

  88. Lisi Nortman says:

    Who in the world could THIS be?

    Here is something that people should know
    If they want to make really big dough
    Have many affairs
    And drive drunk without cares
    Then you’ll be an official golf pro

  89. Lisi Nortman says:

    correction of limerick from today!

    On the Internet, nothing’s uncut
    There’s the good stuff and also the smut
    When you type in “behind”
    On You Tube you’ll find
    Illustrations for wiping your butt

  90. Lisi Nortman says:

    Dear Facebook, don’t mean to offend
    Even though you’re a popular trend
    For so many years
    You have bored me to tears
    So please stop “suggesting” a friend

  91. Mark G. Kane says:

    Years ago, before Patty turned pro,
    She’d enjoy all her men nice and slow.
    But time’s money today,
    So more tricks means more pay.
    Sadly, now all her moans are just show.

  92. Lisi Nortman says:

    correction of meter! “Guess Who”

    Here is something that people should know
    If they wanna make plenty of dough
    Have many affairs
    Drive drunk without cares
    Then you’ll be an authentic golf pro

  93. Tim Gray says:

    About Trump, what we now know,
    How can anyone be seriously Pro?
    America of late
    Is becoming un-great,
    As leader, he’s got to go.

  94. Tim Gray says:

    I don’t want anyone to know
    But my daughter, she is a Pro.
    As she’s very high class,
    You won’t want to pass,
    When I arrange for her to meet yo?

  95. There once was a man named Milo,
    a rare online troll who turned pro.
    His rise since self-unmade,
    he works straight pride paraces
    in hopes that his debt will soon fade.

  96. Dave Johnson says:

    My Labor Day burgers will show
    I’m running the grill like a pro.
    But knobs turned in vain
    Showed there was no propane;
    It’s off to McDonald’s we go.

  97. Fred Bortz says:

    The underling had a great fall.
    He was fired for having such gall—
    Scorning Boss with a joke
    For a handful of folk
    That blew up when he hit “reply all.”

  98. Fred Bortz says:

    The woman is known as a pro
    For the skill of her lips. She can blow!
    I refer to her trumpet,
    But you’re thinking, “That strumpet!”
    Like limerick lovers I know.

  99. Fred Bortz says:

    The virus arrived undetected
    In a message I never suspected.
    The disguise was so slick.
    All it took was one click.
    My computer’s now sick. I’m infected!

  100. Fred Bortz says:

    The virus arrived undetected
    In a message I never suspected.
    The disguise was so slick.
    All it took was one click.
    My computer’s now sick. I’m infected!

  101. Fred Bortz says:

    Sorry for the duplication

  102. Fred Bortz says:

    On Brexit, Brits swung to and fro.
    One day con, and the next day was pro.
    Then they voted en masse.
    (Thanks to Cameron, that ass.)
    Now with BoJo, I fear they will go.

  103. Lisi Nortman says:

    I tried not to let Mama know
    I was dating a big football pro
    But it wasn’t propitious
    When she got real suspicious
    The day that I started to “show”

  104. Tim Gray says:

    The NRA are Gun Pro,
    Trump and GOP lackeys, “Right Oh!”
    They condone murder and madness
    And all the sadness
    That Texas has just come to know.

  105. Tim Gray says:

    Boris, on Brexit is Pro
    Farage and others say No!
    It’s so exciting,
    All the out and in fighting,
    I wonder which way it will go?

  106. Tim Gray says:

    Well, I messed that up, Farage should have been Corbyn… silly me.

    Boris, on Brexit is Pro
    Corbyn and others say No!
    It’s so exciting,
    All the out and in fighting,
    I wonder which way it will go?

  107. Tim Gray says:

    They claim that I’m being silly
    And demonstrate that I know nilly,
    But for all of their “Pro”,
    They just follow the flow,
    Willy-nilly, down dale and up hilly.

  108. Lisi Nortman says:

    Found Keister, the local proctologist
    Tried Rocky, the real smart geologist
    Couldn’t find the web page
    I was in a mad rage
    AT LAST !! I found Pee the URLologist

  109. Lisi Nortman says:

    a slight different one:

    Found Keister, the local proctologist
    Tried Sigmund, the brilliant psychologist
    Couldn’t find the web page
    I was in a mad rage
    AT LAST !! I found Pee, the URLologist

  110. Bill Pfeil says:

    E mail “trip,” then see adverts to fly,
    Typing “health” pops up potions to buy.
    May the net be replaced,
    With one we embraced,
    That won’t trespass, sell data, or spy.

  111. Tim Gray says:

    I thought they were being real nice
    When they gave a free roll of the dice.
    So I clicked, and it said:
    WIN! Collect or DOUBLE instead?
    So I guess I’ll just have to play twice.

  112. Tim Gray says:

    I did a search on You Tube
    To give my car a quick lube.
    But the instructions were hazy,
    And I’m a bit lazy,
    And mistakenly made a big boob.

  113. Byron Miller says:

    I’d bought her Merlots and Chiantis,
    And poetry books by Cervantes;
    I shopped like a pro!
    How was I s’posed to know
    That she wouldn’t like edible panties?

  114. Dave Johnson says:

    Some people we happened to meet
    From an Airbnb up the street
    Were full of despair;
    Zero linens in there.
    That really did happen – no sheet.

  115. Lisi Nortman says:

    We’re all under magical spells
    In our hands is where trouble just dwells
    We are pris’ners for sure
    Taken by the allure
    Of phones, which are duly called cells

  116. Dave Johnson says:

    Mad – please change line 4 of my posting above to read:
    “Zero linens in there.”

    Thanks, Dave


  117. Tim Gray says:

    Tammy’s opening night of the show
    And she wonders how it will go…
    The Review the next day
    Had little to say
    Save extolling the new Star as a Pro.

  118. Diane Groothuis says:

    My Hotmail is getting quite bad
    And it makes me feel just downright sad
    When some stupid dick
    Wants to extend my prick
    I’m a girl, It’s N/A and I’m glad.

  119. Lisi Nortman says:

    Last night I was totally shocked
    When I noticed my laptop was locked
    I was simply appalled
    Cuz my daughter installed
    A gizmo called “Parents Are Blocked”

  120. Jeanine Silverio says:

    I got a new online game passion
    Play dress up with hairstyles and fashion
    But I don’t have enough
    To buy all the cool stuff
    So on payday I dump all my cash in.

  121. Tim Gray says:

    Many things I do not know,
    Things that others say are so.
    Things learned from other men.
    Things learned beyond their ken.
    In blind ignorance they are pro.

  122. John Shardlow says:

    Boris Johnson’s Brother Resigns From U.K. Parliament Over Brexit

    An assassin, he needs to be pro
    And know where a knife blade should go
    When animus moulders
    Go right between shoulders
    Where Boris just got it from bro

  123. Tim James says:

    His writing was that of a pro ―
    A bit morbid and skin-crawly, though.
    Talking birds, howling cats:
    Stuff like that is just bats!
    (A description that’s most aproPoe.)

  124. Lisi Nortman says:

    Here’s a card cuz I just want to say
    I love you in ev-er-y way
    You sure are a Pro
    Taught me all that I know
    Happy Father’s Day, Google. HURRAY!

  125. madkane says:

    The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 10 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  126. Tim Gray says:

    I was stunned and surprised to see
    On Facebook, some photos of me.
    It seems that some scammerer
    Was secretly using my camera
    Taking photos no nice folk should see.

  127. Tim Gray says:

    Yes, I think I’m a cracker,
    As I earned ten million smacker.
    It’s here in the can
    From an AI voice scam…
    You guessed it, I am a hacker.

  128. John Shardlow says:

    I don’t believe it! A quid for a pro
    These prices have come as a blow
    In my day, the lasses
    Would work off their asses
    For knee tremblers at tuppence a throw

  129. Sharon Neeman says:

    In translation, I’ve earned my good name;
    I have reaped recognition and fame —
    Ah, but even a pro
    Can be dealt a grave blow
    By an innocent Internet game:

    “Only 10,000 words for today?
    Fine! I’ll just take a moment to play…”
    But those “moments” can cost —
    No words done! Six hours lost!
    And now all I can say is “Oy, vey.”

  130. Sharon Neeman says:

    A Facebook ad showed Jim a blouse
    That he thought he should buy for his spouse:
    “She’s size ‘M'” — but what came
    In the mail (to his shame)
    Would have fit on an av’rage-sized mouse.

  131. Suzanne Heymann says:

    My computer has gone on the fritz
    Shot to bits, lost its wits, called it quits!
    If I hire a pro
    And he can’t make it go,
    I’ll just squawk like a crow; it’s the pits!

    “It’s the internet’s fault!” I had said.
    Won’t my desktop come back from the dead?
    To buy NEW would require us
    To spend (not desirous)
    Or was it a virus instead?!

    It took more than a year and a half
    To restore this calamitous gaffe.
    I had fit after fit
    And felt dumber than shit.
    Looking back, I can sit there and laugh.

    But my Facebook friends weren’t too thrilled.
    Some had thought I was hurt, maybe killed.
    Some may think I’m a slime
    For my negligence crime
    Just a matter of time till I’m grilled!

  132. Suzanne Heymann says:

    I’m a muddlehead/technotard queen
    You will find lots more brains in a bean.
    Even if you’re a pro,
    You can’t teach me to know.
    I just sweat if you show me a screen.

  133. Suzanne Heymann says:

    If a worker says, “Oops!” or “Oh no!”
    Or if he’s too nervous or slow,
    Gives you sass or acts crass,
    Has the brass to pass gas,
    You can bet your sweet ass he ain’t pro.

  134. Lisi Nortman says:

    If you think you’re a scholarly “pro”
    ‘Bout Shakespeare or Henry Thoreau
    You better be busty
    And bewitchingly lusty
    (Men do not give a crap what you know)

  135. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Internet sure does “entice”
    I’m obsessed with my wondrous device
    When the networking broke
    I went downstairs and spoke
    To my fam’ly. They seem really nice

  136. Lisi Nortman says:

    Here is something that’s real fun to do
    For Internet fans to all view:
    Make up a dumb link
    And some numb skulls will think
    If there’s no LOL then it’s true

  137. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Internet’s great and it’s free!
    It’s a “high” for my sweetie and me
    And I must also mention
    It’s the greatest invention
    Since the breakthrough of Caller ID

  138. Lisi Nortman says:

    That Facebook is truly an art
    And designed for those clever and smart
    I get very engrossed
    Cuz its followers post
    Ev’ry sneeze, ev’ry burp, ev’ry fart

  139. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick: L5 Could you please substitute “Ev’ry snore”
    with “Ev’ry sneeze”

    Thank You, Lisi


  140. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
    Limerick-Off Award 330. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Note.