Though I’m no fan of golf, I couldn’t resist writing a Golf Lovers Day limerick:
As a golfer swigged beer in a pub,
He bitched and he gobbled his grub:
“I’ve been flubbing my putts.
Being drubbed drives me nuts!”
The response to that putz? “Join the club!”
When someone mentioned the word “dither” in a word-related Facebook group I belong to, I couldn’t resist the challenge of using it in a limerick:
Indecision is dicey. Don’t dither,
Or you’ll wither while plucking that zither.
Don’t quiver and quaver!
Be brave! Never waver,
Or risk running hither and thither.
“It’s easy to hoodwink that stinker,”
Said a man of his wife, a big drinker.
“When coition’s my mission,
She thinks I’m out fishin’…
And falls for it hook, line, and sinker.”
“I’ve proven you’re wrong! Now eat crow,”
Said a know-it-all fellow, named Joe,
Who could not help but howl
At the answer re fowl:
“I’m allergic to poultry, so NO!”
“Two” is larger than one; less than three.
“Too” replaces your “also” with glee.
“Too” means “overly” too.
It’s too much? I’m not through!
Go to “to” to be done … and you’re free.
JOMO is Dictionary.com’s Word of the Day, which prompted this acronym rant:
I’m annoyed by the acronym FOMO,
As well as its opposite, JOMO.
“Missing out” is MO’s meaning.
FO’s “fear.” Are you gleaning
That JO connotes “joy?” Kindly, NOMO!
(NOMO means “no more.”)
Dictionary.com’s Word of the Day is mickle. Hence this limerick:
My memory’s terribly fickle;
Can’t recall what words mean. That’s a pickle!
And a big one, at that,
When you wear a scribe’s hat.
what the hell is the meaning of mickle?
Fun With Language (2-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Is there any original pun?
Is there wordplay that’s never been done?
With our language so strange
There’s unlimited range
To be playful, inventive, have fun.
We are homophone/homonym rich.
(Though ad hominem hits make me twitch.)
And later or sooner
The likes of Rev Spooner
Bewitch with the swull of a pitch.
I Don’t Mean To Be Sharp, But… (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Though many still call it a “pound sign,”
I’ll bet “hashtag” becomes the renowned sign.
It’s the “number sign” too?
Plus an “octothorpe?” Boo!
And a “crosshatch?” My face bears a frowned sign.
Limerick Rut
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was stuck in a rut.
It depressed him down deep in his gut.
So he vowed to reform
And conform to the norm–
He would curb all his groovin’ on smut.
Distaff Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If “distaff’s” a word you forget,
You needn’t search books or the net.
It’s a not-so-nice mention
Of gals. Comprehension
Is easy. Think “dissed half.” All set?
There’s wit that is lambent.
There’s humor that’s bent.
I’m feeling quite sheepish;
Had to search what “lambent” meant.
(Inspired by the Twitter #WordStew prompt: LAMBENT.)
View my Lambent quatrain image here.
When I’m looking for limerick ideas, I sometimes visit idiom list sites, like this one. Then I’ll select an idiom that might work meter-wise and that ends with a common rhyme sound.
And so today, I challenged myself to write a limerick that contains the phrase “dry run.” Unconsciously inspired, perhaps, by the inept roll-out of Obamacare, I wrote these two lines:
A software firm held a dry run
But the coding, alas, wasn’t done…
I swiftly thought up an acceptable “B-rhyme,” but then got stuck at line 5. The best I could come up with was an ending that employed yet another idiom: “under the gun.” But I still couldn’t think of a line 5 that was even slightly clever.
And then I got an idea: create some wordplay by revising another line, adding specificity to the subject matter. Here’s the result:
Limerick Dry Run
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A software firm held a dry run,
But the arms-tracking code wasn’t done.
It failed test after test,
Till the owner confessed:
“I’m too stressed to work under the gun.”
Funny,
yet insightful,
making people ponder
as it soundly zaps its targets.
Witty,
subtle, pointed ammunition
aims, fires, amuses,
inciting us
to think.
(Author’s Note: This is a Butterfly Cinquain. The syllable count is 2, 4, 6, 8, 2, 8, 6, 4, 2. At least, I hope it’s a Butterfly Cinquain — I’ve never tried writing one before.)
Limerick Ode To A Vigorous Old Lady
By Madeleine Begun Kane
An old grandma with spring in her walk
Moved so quickly that people would gawk.
When asked if a gym
Was the source of her vim
She said, “No — Jim, Kim, Henry and Hawk.”
(Posted at this spring prompt and at Poetic Asides’ spring prompt.)
UPDATE: July 23 is Gorgeous Grandma Day.
As you can see from this verse, I’m inseparable from silliness:
Inseparable —
ventriloquist and dummy
joined at the quip.
Inseparable —
honeymooning newlyweds
joined at the lip.
Inseparable —
masochist and sadist
joined at the whip.
Inseparable —
gambler and his bookie
joined at the tip.
Inseparable —
compulsive gambler and debt
joined at the Strip.
Inseparable —
the hop and the jump
joined at the skip.
Inseparable —
Jewish moms and their children
joined at the guilt trip.
(Written for Writers Island’s inseparable prompt)
When I heard that the February 27th prompt over at One Single Impression is vellicate, I knew I was in trouble. Why? Cuz I had no idea what it meant and how it’s pronounced. And even after I’d Googled the damn word, it still didn’t feel assimilated. Plus it just didn’t tickle my funny bone.
But though I was irritated by its unfamiliarity, I was itching to write a limerick. So here it is:
Itching To Write A Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Often poetry prompts can enrich.
But they sometimes can be quite a bitch.
Sunday’s vellicate prompt
On my brain cells has stomped.
The mere thought of that word makes me twitch.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man who was known for his buns…
Here’s mine:
Hot Crossed Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man who was known for his buns
Attracted most gals — even nuns.
How those dames would delight
In his ass oh so tight,
Ignoring his poor half-baked puns.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
Update — Note: I will soon start announcing these Limerick-Offs via private email instead of FB messaging, because FB group messaging anti-spam policies are making it very difficult for me to send legitimate messages out to groups of twenty. (My Facebook Straits recounts just some of my difficulties with FB’s anti-spam controls.)
So if you’d like to receive private email notices letting you know I’ve posted a new Limerick-Off first line, please send me a private email to MadKane@MadKane.com with the subject line “Limerick-Off Announcement Request.” Thanks very much!
Today’s limerick and haiku theme is dates and dating. First, my limerick:
The gal was enjoying her date
Till her escort became quite irate.
He assaulted a waiter,
Then said, “See ya later.”
I suppose it was something he ate.
And now my dating-related haiku:
His seeing eye dog
Led the man to her table:
A double blind date.
Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about dates and dating. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have two weeks to post it.
(Note: My limerick was inspired in part by Sunday Scribblings’ “quitting” prompt.)
Limerick and Haiku Prompts Participants
| 1. Sherry 2. sister AE 3. Crafty Green Poet (Over 40 Shades) 4. Linda – Nickers and Ink |
5. Lilibeth 6. lissa 7. Noah the Great 8. Noah the Great |
9. Granny Smith 10. Connie 11. Bevie 12. Felix Morgenstern |
UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your dating verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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