How To Become An Insomniac
Becoming an insomniac isn’t as easy as it might appear. But with the help of these guidelines, dark circles and a cranky disposition will soon be yours.
1. Be born into a family of worriers. (Certain ethnic groups have the advantage here, but won’t be identified for obvious reasons.)
2. During your infancy, become accustomed to dozing in serene silence, a state you will never encounter as an adult.
3. Have parents so desperate for peace and quiet, that they routinely send you to bed hours before you feel even a hint of fatigue. This will allow you to develop helpful habits like gazing at the ceiling, counting sheep, and plotting revenge.
4. Cultivate your neuroses. A dedicated would-be insomniac will work on this throughout the day. But if time is limited, performing any of these activities right before bedtime should do the trick: … (How To Become An Insomniac is continued here.)
Technorati Tags: Insomnia Humor, Health Satire, Humorous How-To, Funny Self-Help
November 13th, 2006 at 4:13 pm
[…] * How To Become An Insomniac * Office Party Follies * Contending With Time * A Squirrely LessonTechnorati Tags: Workplace Party Humor, Time Management Humor, Self-Help Humor, Insomnia Humor, Squirrel Humor Share and Enjoy:These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages. […]
November 19th, 2006 at 4:06 am
[…] Madeleine Begun Kane presents How To Become An Insomniac posted at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog, saying, “A humorous how-to about insomnia.” […]
November 21st, 2006 at 2:16 am
It helps, too, if you develop an addiction to chocolate and coffee and have no self control
November 21st, 2006 at 2:37 am
Right, Nelumbo. And don’t forget keeping odd “musician’s hours,” as I do and I presume you do, based on your URL.
December 4th, 2006 at 4:07 am
[…] Madeleine Begun Kane presents How To Become An Insomniac posted at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog. […]
December 4th, 2006 at 4:46 am
I’m totally guilty of #3. I hope my child doesn’t need therapy later in life!
Here via Carnival of Family Life.
December 4th, 2006 at 3:44 pm
I used to have trouble sleeping until basic training (Air Force). Ever since I drop off in seconds.
So, to cure insomnia, join the Air Force.
December 4th, 2006 at 3:59 pm
Welcome local girl and Mike, and thanks for your comments!
December 5th, 2006 at 9:42 am
I used to suffer from mild insomnia during my senior year in college. On the night of graduation, I slept like a baby; and thereafter no more trouble sleeping. As a matter fact, I can easily doze off within 3 minutes when bedtime comes. Strange, huh?
December 5th, 2006 at 4:08 pm
Amazing! I envy you.
December 11th, 2006 at 11:06 am
All things medical - December 14, 2006…
All things medical - December 14, 2006 is up at RDoctor
……
December 20th, 2006 at 3:20 pm
The Last Personal Growth Carnival…
You read that correctly. This is the last Personal Growth Carnival for 2006. I’ve asked the regular submitters to send in their best article from 2006. I’ve put them at the top for you to read. Hopefully you’ve found a lot …
February 9th, 2007 at 11:20 pm
[…] Madeleine Begun Kane presents How To Become An Insomniac posted at Mad Kane’s Humor Blog. […]
September 25th, 2007 at 6:46 pm
I’m totally a victim of #3! My parents used to make me go to bed at 7pm all the time! I can remember begging for them to let me stay up until 9pm! LOL… now i’m lucky if I fall asleep some time before 2-3am!