How To Become An Insomniac

Becoming an insomniac isn’t as easy as it might appear. But with the help of these guidelines, dark circles and a cranky disposition will soon be yours.

1. Be born into a family of worriers. (Certain ethnic groups have the advantage here, but won’t be identified for obvious reasons.)

2. During your infancy, become accustomed to dozing in serene silence, a state you will never encounter as an adult.

3. Have parents so desperate for peace and quiet, that they routinely send you to bed hours before you feel even a hint of fatigue. This will allow you to develop helpful habits like gazing at the ceiling, counting sheep, and plotting revenge.

4. Cultivate your neuroses. A dedicated would-be insomniac will work on this throughout the day. But if time is limited, performing any of these activities right before bedtime should do the trick: … (How To Become An Insomniac is continued here.)

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10 Responses to “How To Become An Insomniac”

  1. […] * How To Become An Insomniac * Office Party Follies * Contending With Time * A Squirrely LessonTechnorati Tags: Workplace Party Humor, Time Management Humor, Self-Help Humor, Insomnia Humor, Squirrel Humor Share and Enjoy:These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages. […]

  2. Nelumbo says:

    It helps, too, if you develop an addiction to chocolate and coffee and have no self control

  3. madkane says:

    Right, Nelumbo. And don’t forget keeping odd “musician’s hours,” as I do and I presume you do, based on your URL.

  4. local girl says:

    I’m totally guilty of #3. I hope my child doesn’t need therapy later in life!

    Here via Carnival of Family Life.

  5. Mike says:

    I used to have trouble sleeping until basic training (Air Force). Ever since I drop off in seconds.

    So, to cure insomnia, join the Air Force.

  6. madkane says:

    Welcome local girl and Mike, and thanks for your comments!

  7. Renée says:

    I used to suffer from mild insomnia during my senior year in college. On the night of graduation, I slept like a baby; and thereafter no more trouble sleeping. As a matter fact, I can easily doze off within 3 minutes when bedtime comes. Strange, huh?

  8. madkane says:

    Amazing! I envy you.

  9. Rizzle says:

    I’m totally a victim of #3! My parents used to make me go to bed at 7pm all the time! I can remember begging for them to let me stay up until 9pm! LOL… now i’m lucky if I fall asleep some time before 2-3am!

  10. Jessi says:

    I Used To Just Stay Up For The Fun Of It..When I Was 10 I Used to watch cartoons all night until 6 or 7 in the morning. then run into my room before my mum woke up at 8.
    not i cant go to sleep before 2ish.. if i try i cant fall asleep until 4-5.