How To Become An Insomniac
Becoming an insomniac isn’t as easy as it might appear. But with the help of these guidelines, dark circles and a cranky disposition will soon be yours.
1. Be born into a family of worriers. (Certain ethnic groups have the advantage here, but won’t be identified for obvious reasons.)
2. During your infancy, become accustomed to dozing in serene silence, a state you will never encounter as an adult.
3. Have parents so desperate for peace and quiet, that they routinely send you to bed hours before you feel even a hint of fatigue. This will allow you to develop helpful habits like gazing at the ceiling, counting sheep, and plotting revenge.
4. Cultivate your neuroses. A dedicated would-be insomniac will work on this throughout the day. But if time is limited, performing any of these activities right before bedtime should do the trick: … (How To Become An Insomniac is continued here.)
Tags: Funny Self-Help, Health Satire, Humorous How-To, Insomnia Humor
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It helps, too, if you develop an addiction to chocolate and coffee and have no self control
Right, Nelumbo. And don’t forget keeping odd “musician’s hours,” as I do and I presume you do, based on your URL.
I’m totally guilty of #3. I hope my child doesn’t need therapy later in life!
Here via Carnival of Family Life.
I used to have trouble sleeping until basic training (Air Force). Ever since I drop off in seconds.
So, to cure insomnia, join the Air Force.
Welcome local girl and Mike, and thanks for your comments!
I used to suffer from mild insomnia during my senior year in college. On the night of graduation, I slept like a baby; and thereafter no more trouble sleeping. As a matter fact, I can easily doze off within 3 minutes when bedtime comes. Strange, huh?
Amazing! I envy you.
I’m totally a victim of #3! My parents used to make me go to bed at 7pm all the time! I can remember begging for them to let me stay up until 9pm! LOL… now i’m lucky if I fall asleep some time before 2-3am!
I Used To Just Stay Up For The Fun Of It..When I Was 10 I Used to watch cartoons all night until 6 or 7 in the morning. then run into my room before my mum woke up at 8.
not i cant go to sleep before 2ish.. if i try i cant fall asleep until 4-5.