Posts Tagged ‘Sallie McKenna’

Limerick of the Week (155)

Sunday, March 9th, 2014

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to CHRIS DOYLE, who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:

Father Fine teaches art and design
At St. Joe’s and is known to use wine
To get lads to undress
And caress him. So yes,
I would guess every good boy does Fine.

Congratulations to Mark Kane and Fred Bortz, who are tied in winning this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for the limerick receiving the most Facebook “likes.”

Mark Kane:

A comic worked hard to design
A routine which allowed him to shine.
He’d set out a bowl,
Spike the juice, then cajole
Out the laughs from his loaded punch line.

Fred Bortz:

A scandalous spying design
Led to President Nixon’s decline.
His brash overreach
Caused the House to impeach
And led Tricky Dick to resign.

Congratulations to Chris Doyle and Brian Allgar, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange about Edward Lear, widely recognized as the “father” of the limerick:

Chris Doyle:

Who’da thunk Edward Lear would design
A new verse form we had to refine
So as not to repeat,
Word for word, the three feet
At the start in the terminal line?

Brian Allgar, speaking for Edward Lear:

Mr Doyle, my splendid design
Pleases many, so why do you whine?
I regret that your taste
For the new has debased,
Mr Doyle, my splendid design.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jon Gearhart, Tim James, Sallie McKenna, Will T. Laughlin, Chris Doyle, Brian Allgar, and Kevin Ahern. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Jon Gearhart:

A woman worked hard to design
An After Ten dress to define
Her nice set of cones
And erogenous zones,
But her date ripped it off before nine!

Tim James:

Our language is strange in design.
If the plural of “cow” can be “kine,”
Then explain to me how
Just one swine’s not a “swow”
And a bride doesn’t take wedding vine?

Sallie McKenna:

A woman worked hard to design
A new look for her scruffy canine;
She tied ribbons and bows,
Then she tweeted a pose.
In a trice, he got four dates online!

Will T. Laughlin says:

So now we see Putin’s design.
His beady eyes narrow and shine:
“Send bombers! Send tanks!
Send troops on both flanks
(This’ll keep Pussy Riot in line)!”

Chris Doyle:

The proctologist knows the design
Of my colon, but still I’ll decline
The exam he’ll suggest
‘Cause his mother knows best:
That’s a place where the son doesn’t shine.

Brian Allgar:

A woman asked God to design
A companion who’d treat her just fine.
But the spare rib – bad luck! –
Was a pig’s, so she’s stuck
With another male chauvinist swine.

Kevin Ahern:

I think you should know the design–
Why we toast to the great pinot shrine:
“The wine,” said a sage
“May get better with age”
“But it’s age that gets better with wine.”

Will T. Laughlin:

We workers in graphic design
Have a precept we’d like to enshrine:
Should the customer want
Comic Sans as his font,
We will pickle his noggin in brine.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (152)

Sunday, February 16th, 2014

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Will T. Laughlin, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

She was sick, but was also afraid
Of the bill that would have to be paid;
So she dressed as a pet
And went off to the vet.
Now she’s cured — but she’s also been spayed.

Congratulations to Kevin Ahern, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

On the stand was a dentist afraid
Because of some perjury made.
But his lawyer was wise,
Describing the lies
As something that was truth decayed.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Chris Doyle, Sallie McKenna, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Steve Whitred, and Diane Groothuis. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Chris Doyle:

My nerves last Good Friday were frayed
After learning I’d somehow mislaid
My false teeth, so I feared
I’d look pretty damn weird
Eating lamb on that Easter–puréed.

Sallie McKenna:

A clergyman’s collar was frayed,
Years of chafing induced as he prayed;
He kept craning his neck,
Stealthy hopes raised to check
Any cleavage in front pews arrayed.

Tim James:

A fellow appeared unafraid
To play juggling games with a blade.
“I know tricks that can’t miss;
Hold my beer and watch this!”
Say, does anyone here know first aid?

Will T. Laughlin:

Said the judge, “There’s a fine, I’m afraid…”
To the hooker they caught in a raid.
“Well, judge,” sighed the whore,
“Since I’ve seen you before,
I assume that you’ll take it in trade?”

Steve Whitred:

A woman whose nerves appeared frayed
From her friends heard “We’re getting you laid.”
She said “Sounds like a plan,
But please, not with a man.
Since that last guy, I may have been gayed!”

Diane Groothuis:

A citrus tree got very frayed
At 42 C in the shade:
“I am not in the pink
If I can’t get a drink.
Please get me some cool lemon-aid.”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (150)

Sunday, February 2nd, 2014

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Tim James, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A baker went into the red
When his payroll costs came to a head:
“I pay Dad and my brother,
Three aunts and my mother!”
It seems his whole fam’ly’s inbread.

Congratulations to Fred Bortz, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

My limerick turned my face red
As lascivious thoughts filled my head.
I’m sure you’d be fonder
Of my double entendre
If I dared to reveal what it said.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Kirk Miller, Johanna Richmond, Michael Moulton, Robert Schechter, Jim Delaney, Tim James, Sallie McKenna, and Jane Shelton Hoffman. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Kirk Miller:

A newspaper article read:
In his home, a cartoonist found dead.
Cops will try to find out
How his death came about.
All the details are sketchy, they said.

Johanna Richmond:

My computer was sure it had read
The prime booty for which my heart bled.
So to prove that thing wrong
I spent days searching “thong,”
Then bought white cotton panties instead.

Mike Moulton:

A chicken with plumage bright red
Tried to charm all the hens in a shed.
He said, “I’m a great cock.”
But the rest of the flock
Saw that he was a capon and fled.

Robert Schechter:

Most poets write “Roses are red,”
But I started my love poem instead
“A rose is chartreuse,”
Which is why, I deduce,
I never did get her in bed.

Jim Delaney:

A gal who was very well-read
Tried to tempt a young man to her bed.
But such culture can do less
When Emma is Clueless,
And boys watch the movie instead.

Tim James:

A woman was very well-read
And her topic of choice was sex ed.
“Dr. Kinsey’s her guide,”
Beamed her man, grinning wide.
“She just Masters my Johnson,” he said.

Sallie McKenna:

Old fashioned, she always wore red,
Said it kept her from being well bred;
With Tom, Dick, or Harry
The red kept her chary.
Her “stop” won’t go “green” till she’s wed!

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

The canvass was totally red.
“It’s genius!” the art critic said.
How could we agree
When all we could see
Looked the same when we stood on our head?

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (148)

Sunday, January 19th, 2014

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Bob Dvorak, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A fellow was warned in advance
That she’d had every guy wearing pants.
“Sounds like my kind of quest,
This Community Chest.”
He got dressed, leaving nothing to Chance.

Congratulations to Fred Bortz, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

An author’s substantial advance
For a book on carnivorous plants
Alas led him to doom
When consumed by a bloom.
All they found was a shoe and his pants.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Kevin Ahern, Steve Whitred, Craig Dykstra, Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly, Sallie McKenna, Jamie Hutchinson, and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Kevin Ahern:

In Eden the way to advance
Was surely not just happenstance.
For Adam, his brief
Was a tiny fig leaf.
The man of the house wore the plants.

Steve Whitred:

Her sensual, sultry advance
And her walk, which was more like a dance,
The soft light on her hair
All gave wings to my care
That a package was there in her pants.

Craig Dykstra:

Vegetarians learn in advance
All those “don’t eat the animals” rants.
But I don’t avoid meat
‘Cause I like things with feet –
No, it’s just that I LOVE killing plants!

Byron Miller:

I rebuffed a flirtatious advance
From a wraith at a séance in France.
I could see through her clearly:
She did not love me dearly–
We hadn’t a ghost of a chance.

Sallie McKenna:

A fellow was warned in advance
To be sober when placing his plants;
He ignored what they said,
Then when sodding his bed,
Face-planted, his balance askance.

Jamie Hutchinson:

A waltzer turned down the advance
Of a fellow in tight-fitting pants:
“The place is so packed,”
She observed with great tact,
“We don’t have enough ballroom to dance.”

Tim James:

A gal lost a tidy advance
From some monks at an abbey in France
To compose something choral.
She couldn’t. The moral:
Don’t compete when you know you’ve no chants.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!