Limerick Advance (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was warned in advance…*


A woman rebuffed an advance…*


A gal got a tiny advance…*


A fellow prepared to advance…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Advance
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A pit boss who tried to advance
His career using guile and romance
Picked the wrong gal to date–
The veep’s secret mate.
Is that man still employed? Not a chance.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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48 Responses to “Limerick Advance (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. P Diane Schneider says:

    A woman perceived an advance
    Enjoying herself at the dance
    “I don’t care to be cruel
    But I don’t like this fool”
    She thought as she looked out askance

  2. kaykuala says:

    A woman had rebuffed an advance
    Scantily clad she had been warned
    Wolves at bay
    Better not stay
    Fetish for clothes not her they want


  3. colonialist says:

    Reinforcements were required, to advance,
    Was the message down the line in wartime France –
    But at end what was reported
    Came out horribly distorted –
    ‘Three and fourpence, and we’re going to a dance!’

  4. Dean Geier says:

    An Autobiographical Limerick:

    A fellow was warned in advance
    That his throat really needed a chance
    To rest to best fight this
    Severe laryngitis-
    He speaks and his wife looks askance!

  5. gary hallock says:

    The amorous knight’s bold advance
    Was defined by the bulge in his pants
    “You’re showing your mettle,”
    Said maid, “I will settle
    Assuming you have a free lance.”

  6. gary hallock says:

    I wish I’d been warned in advance
    When approaching that doorway by chance
    I stood stupefied there
    And could do naught but stare
    For the sign overhead read, “entrance”

  7. rbasler says:

    An actress named Vivian Vance
    Confessed an illicit romance
    She said, “See this hickey?
    “I got it from Ricky!”
    Now Desi is too sore to dance…..

  8. Fred Bortz says:

    An author’s substantial advance
    For a book on carnivorous plants
    Alas led him to doom
    When consumed by a bloom.
    All they found was a shoe and his pants.

  9. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman rebuffed an advance
    From a creep she had met by mischance.
    She ran from the bar
    And yelled from afar,
    He should put his dick back in his pants!

  10. Tim James says:

    If Only

    A governor tried to advance
    His career when he got any chance.
    At his pressers (though I’d
    Never say that he lied),
    Giant flames would erupt from his pants.

  11. scott says:

    we people know well in advance
    Utah’s appeal has no chance
    and the 10th District Court
    will choose not to thwart
    the right of a sanctioned romance

  12. Sallie McKenna says:

    A gal got a tiny advance,
    from a tiny guy wanting a chance,
    to explore outer reaches,
    of romantic beseeches,
    but she longed for more male expanse.

  13. Sallie McKenna says:

    A woman rebuffed an advance,
    refusing an ask for a dance;
    resolutely she sat,
    a confirmed plutocrat,
    awaiting some barons of finance.

  14. Diane Groothuis says:

    A fellow was warned in advance
    That the weather was awful in France
    So the cautious young fella
    Bought an umbrella
    Galoshes and waterproof pants.

  15. Diane Groothuis says:

    A fellow was warned in advance
    re the dangers of Argentine ants
    So he set up a test
    Having lunch on a nest
    And oh boy did the folks see him dance.

  16. Sallie McKenna says:

    A fellow was warned in advance
    to be sober when placing his plants;
    he ignored what they said,
    then when sodding his bed,
    face-planted, his balance askance.

  17. Byron Ives says:

    I asked for a kiss in advance
    A pre-evening buss, perchance?
    Soft hand on my cheek
    My knees just went weak
    She whispered so sweetly, “Fat chance”

  18. Kirk Miller says:

    My waistline has made an advance
    O’er the years; now it’s quite an expanse.
    “It’s never too late
    To take off some weight,”
    Said my wife. My rejoinder: “Fat chance!”

  19. Byron Ives says:

    I knew I screwed up in advance
    Forgot to take Beano, by chance
    The salad of cabbage
    Turned out to be savage
    I sharted and ruined my pants

  20. Jim Delaney says:

    When the carabinieri advance,
    Their tradition leaves nothing to chance.
    When the danger is clear,
    They advance to the rear,
    With a now-and-then Parthian glance.

    I may get demerit for lack of political correctness, and for using a word (Parthian) that people might look up without being enlightened, unless they look up “Parthian shot”. Even so, I like this enough to submit it.

  21. Tom Harris says:

    The young lady heard in advance
    That Fred said he’d get in her pants.
    “He can’t be serious.
    He’s delirious.
    Why he hasn’t a snowball’s chance.”

  22. Diane Groothuis says:

    You ought to be warned in advance
    That my ancestors come from Penzance
    Cryptic it may seem
    Or I’m starting to dream
    Take out “enz” and it’s Pance.

  23. Errol Nimbly says:

    It’s time for my rooks to advance.
    A two-pronged flank attack! Here’s my chance!
    With my bishop uprightly,
    I’ll fork the queen knightly–
    Pin her down while the king looks askance.

  24. Diane Groothuis says:

    That chappie whose pants did advance
    And whose long name was shortened to Lance
    Had a need to wear glasses
    Cause some of those lasses
    Were guys wearing pretty lace pants.

  25. Jesse Levy says:

    A fellow was warned in advance
    not to take such a stupid chance.
    But he wished to be seen
    waltzing with the new Queen.
    At the end of a rope he doth dance.

  26. Byron Ives says:

    She blinked at my devilish advance:
    “Think there’s a ‘hereafter’, perchance?”
    “Of course I do!”
    Said cute Nancy Lou
    “Then you know what I’m here after, Nance.”

  27. Tim James says:

    A gal lost a tidy advance
    From some monks at an abbey in France
    To compose something choral.
    But she couldn’t. The moral:
    Don’t compete when you know you’ve no chants.

  28. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    A waltzer turned down the advance
    Of a fellow in tight-fitting pants:
    “The place is so packed,”
    She observed with great tact,
    “We don’t have enough ballroom to dance.”

  29. Hamlet Re-Imagined

    “Had we known what he’d do in advance,
    We’d not be in this hole, Rosencrantz!”
    “Shhhh! Let’s think, Guildenstern…
    How to make Hamlet burn?—
    We’ll have Stoppard look at him askance!”

  30. Sancho Panza says:

    A woman received an advance
    From a fellow who wanted a chance
    To fondle her breasts,
    The ultimate of tests,
    To see if they’re really implants.

  31. Diane Groothuis says:

    Now our National Anthem’s “Advance
    ‘Stralia Fair” (an enormous expanse).
    Kangaroos and koalas
    Can enter our parlours.
    Provided you give them a chance.

  32. Too shy for a proper advance,
    I sent her a smouldering glance.
    She ignored me. I sighed,
    And said, “Please kiss the bride”
    To the groom. Guess I bungled my chance.

  33. @Diane:

    An alternative plan I’ll advance
    (Meaning no disrespect to your anc-
    estors): simply, my friends,
    You’re revealing their “enz”
    If you take off your ancestors’ “Pance”.

  34. Thomas Meine says:

    A woman paid in advance
    for a call-boy, she took that chance
    She opened the door
    of her suite on first floor
    and saw her husband looking for romance

  35. A fellow was warned in advance
    Not to take such an offensive stance
    But ignoring his admonishing boss
    Resulted in permanent job loss
    And now he is doing the unemployment dance.

  36. A woman rebuffed an advance
    At the weekly singles dance
    He asked for more
    She scowled for sure
    Now regrets not taking the chance

  37. Craig says:

    Vegetarians learn in advance
    All those “don’t eat the animals”rants.
    But I don’t avoid meat
    ‘Cause I like things with feet –
    No, it’s just that I LOVE killing plants!

  38. So boldly I make my advance:
    I tenderly take both her hance*,
    Saying, “Why don’t we go
    To some woodland I know,
    Which is perfect for making romance?”

    No sooner the sentiment drops
    From my lips (maybe five seconds, tops)
    When I find out how she
    Truly feels about me,
    As the young lady runs for the copse.

    (* Sorry; I felt the need for a new rhyme word. Purists may substitute: “I threw her a passionate glance…”)

  39. So far does his boner advance
    That his schlong is too long for his pants.
    His dick, sticking out,
    Leaves the ladies no doubt,
    And the certainty kills the romance.

    (Trust me to lower the tone of the place.)

  40. Diane Groothuis says:

    A fruitcake prepared in advance
    Filled with raisins and lots of curr-ants
    Which were soaked in some brandy
    And topped off with candy
    Jenny Craig isn’t in with a chance.

  41. Diane Groothuis says:

    She made herself up in advance
    Her beauty she tried to enhance
    And she entered the Diner
    Disguising her shiner
    With her “eats” displayed in a – bun- dance.

  42. “As I have said so many times, God doesn’t play dice with the world.” — Einstein

    The theories thinkers advance
    To explain the whole starry expanse
    Now tell us all things
    Are just vibrating strings…
    So it’s fiddling, not games of chance.

  43. Errol Nimbly says:

    I rebuffed a flirtatious advance,
    From a wraith at a seance in France.
    I could see through her clearly:
    She did not love me dearly–
    We hadn’t a ghost of a chance.

  44. Errol Nimbly says:

    Mad, hate to be a bother. Would you mind deleting the first two versions of my “ghost” limerick? Thank you for your kind assistance.

    Note from Mad Kane: Done.

  45. Errol Nimbly says:

    For our nation today to advance,
    A directive is needed–a stance;
    Or like previous cultures,
    We’ll be picked clean by vultures–
    “Love thy neighbour” is still our best chance.

  46. Errol Nimbly says:

    There are times I can’t tell in advance,
    If or when I might pee in my pants.
    Though the end, it portends,
    I’m now wearing Depends–
    Panty liners now give me a chance!

  47. Errol Nimbly says:

    Our coach doesn’t want to add Vance.
    It’s ’cause Vance has a weird batting stance,
    And pops up and strikes out,
    And can’t run–the big lout;
    Still, we’re hoping coach gives Vance a chance.

  48. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 148

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Fried Limerick