Limerick of the Week (147)

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to BYRON MILLER a/k/a Errol Nimbly, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

Our captain appears to be out
Of the closet, without any doubt.
From high up in the rigging,
I spotted him frigging
The cabin boy coming about.

Congratulations to SUE DULLEY and SCOTT CROWDER, who are tied in winning this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award.

Sue Dulley:

Time was: “If you’d like to go out,
Pick the phone up and give me a shout.”
Then came email, and next
“Just snd me a txt” —
Soon telepathy’s coming, no doubt.

Scott Crowder:

A woman is throwing things out —
Leftovers forgotten about:
A strange purple treat,
Old mystery meat,
And something that’s started to sprout.

Congratulations to JOHANNA RICHMOND, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award for her clever multi-verse limerick about New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s press conference concerning the George Washington Bridge lane closure scandal:

“I’m too trusting — my secret is out —
And too genuine, lovable, stout…
But a bully? Vindictive?
My wounded heart fictive?
That’s not what Chris Christie’s about!

“I am sad and so very depressed;
Tell me, how could I EVER have guessed
That my dep chief of staff
Would have made such a gaffe.
I cut loose that dead weight — thought it best.

“As you know, folks, I don’t blow my cork.
To the fellow who differs: Hey dork,
If you think you felt pain
When I shut down your lane
You should see what I do with a fork!”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Ira Bloom, Tim James, Byron Ives, Aparna Ray, Johanna Richmond, Daisy Mae Simon, Will T. Laughlin, and Sharon L. Smatusek Harris. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Ira Bloom:

In my youth I had cause to go out
With a gal with a merciless pout.
Those lips she would purse
In a manner so terse,
To this day, I can’t look at a trout.

Tim James:

A Congressman liked to make out
With the gals in his office, the lout,
‘Til one day when he met
The girls’ boyfriends. I’ll bet
That he’s learned a new meaning of “clout.”

Byron Ives:

This gal had it all figured it out–
Her sex life had long been a drought:
“I’ll visit a tavern,
“Find meat for my cavern,
“But probably settle for trout.”

Aparna Ray:

A woman was throwing things out:
Belongings, her boyfriend’s (a lout.)
“I’m declutt’ring”, said she,
“Getting rid of debris,
And that sure includes him, without doubt.”

Johanna Richmond, inspired by this news item:

A new natural Prozac’s come out,
One your men-friends are likely to tout.
And you won’t go bone dry
If you blow your supply;
It’s renewable — rarely a drought.

Daisy Mae Simon:

A woman would often go out
With a man with an extra large snout.
And though people would stare,
She just didn’t care
‘Cause in bed she would squeal from its clout.

Will T. Laughlin:

Well, I’m glad that my daughter goes out
With a man who is truly devout.
I looked in on them: He’s
Got her down on her knees…
“God! Oh, God!” I keep hearing him shout.

Sharon L. Smatusek Harris:

As a 60ish woman with clout,
It is not worth my while to go out.
Each “grandpa” expects
That a coffee buys sex
Even though there’s no “spring in his sprout.”

(While Sharon’s limerick uses “out” in line 2 instead of line 1, it made me laugh so much I just had to include it.)

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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3 Responses to “Limerick of the Week (147)”

  1. Johanna Richmond says:

    Thank you, Mad! I’m really honored to be included in this terrific collection of limericks! I laughed out loud at every one! Yay for Byron and congrats to Sue and Scott! Great work, everyone!

  2. scott says:

    Very neat! Thank you MADam. Congrats to Sue and Johanna and everyone else!

  3. Sue Dulley says:

    Thanks so much everyone for the votes; thanks Mad for the ongoing challenges; congratulations to Scott, Byron and the mentionees, and all the other hilarious limerick writers. It’s been a great year – just 12 months since my first challenge entry.