Fried Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A man who liked food that was fried…*

or

A woman shunned food that was fried…*

or

A fellow appeared to be fried…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Fried Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A young foodie shunned meals that were fried
And would constantly mock and deride
People fond of cuisine
Neither wholesome nor lean,
Right up to the moment she died.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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51 Responses to “Fried Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Craig says:

    This new gal gets my head kinda fried.
    Every time I want sex, I’m denied!
    You would think it would suck
    That she don’t like to … you know …
    But she’ll happily swallow my pride.

  2. Bob Dvorak says:

    A fellow appeared to be fried,
    Like the souls of his brain cells had died.
    But he said, “Have no fear,
    This week’s chili’s still here,
    And it’s burning my innards inside.”

  3. a woman shunned food that was fried
    “clogs you up you fools!” she decried
    she ate nuts seeds and flax
    until she suffered attacks
    diverticulitis clogged her inside

  4. a man who liked food that was fried
    refused to listen to those who decried
    his habits finger lickin
    kept him a grinnin and a pickin
    the bypass stent he smiled slid easy inside

  5. Mark Kane says:

    A woman while clearly quite fried,
    Took a fellow aside to confide,
    “Given my condition,
    I’ll grant you full permission,
    To use me as you like, once I’m tied.”

  6. colonialist says:

    A woman shunned food that was fried -
    Said grilled was more healthy inside;
    But mushrooms from grill
    Still made her feel ill,
    And could be the reason she died.

  7. colonialist says:

    A Brit, in States, seemed to be fried
    When seen with ten cars to collide;
    Said, ‘Why do you shink
    I’ve had too much to dhjrink?
    The whole lot were on the wrong shide!’

  8. John Sardo says:

    A woman shunned food that was fried
    In bland recipes taking much pride.
    Then one day met a guy
    Bought pans so she’d fry.
    And she fried till one day was a bride.
    .
    A woman shunned food that was fried
    Had a plan to become a quick bride.
    Her new guy showed delight
    Ate fried every night
    After vows he found out she had lied.
    .
    A fellow appeared to be fried
    When he took a sweet gal as his bride.
    He went into a mood
    He ate no fried food
    And too soon he was fit to be tied.

  9. kaykuala says:

    A man who liked food that was fried
    Other than that he wouldn’t be satisfied
    Try as he might
    of other delights
    But he regretted it would not take flight

    Hank

  10. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman shunned food that was fried
    And requested all sauce on the side.
    No refined carbs or wheat,
    She would never cheat.
    In her sexy shape she took pride.

  11. Sallie McKenna says:

    A man who liked food that was fried,
    ate a veggie and on the spot died;
    his guts launched rebellion,
    when he gulped down an onion,
    the fumes boomed and shattered his pride.

    A fellow appeared to be fried,
    unclear if he’s mad or pie-eyed;
    couldn’t find a tie-breaker,
    which pose was the faker,
    no solution, he’ll have to divide!

    A woman shunned food that was fried,
    thought it helped keep her wonderfully thighed;
    she was steadfast at dinner,
    though her values got thinner,
    no fried, but inhaled all cheese-plied.

  12. scott says:

    a man who liked food that was fried,
    in time became so thick and wide,
    that according to lore,
    when he went to the shore,
    he would have an effect on the tide.

  13. Sigmundt Froyd says:

    The lovers eat foods that are fried
    For the lubricant aid they provide.
    It will work (it is true)
    If they don’t overdo.
    Too much slide means he won’t stay inside.

  14. Jim Delaney says:

    I adore my new diet: it’s fried.
    Moist within, and yet crispy outside.
    Can that heavenly lightness
    Cause quite so much tightness?
    It promised reduction; it lied.

  15. rbasler says:

    A guy who loved foods that were fried
    Learned to cook from an old TV Guide
    He ran a long wire
    From his set to a fryer
    Now he’s just like his screen, extra-wide

  16. Ira Bloom says:

    A gourmand ate lion cubs, fried,
    Saying, “Gourmets will tend to deride:
    Though I much prefer feces,
    To endangered species,
    Sometimes I just swallow my pride.”

  17. Daisy Mae Simon says:

    A man would shun food that was fried
    ‘Cause if not, on the pot he’d reside
    With severe diarrhea
    (No onamonapia!)
    He was stuck there ’til it would subside

  18. Daisy Mae Simon says:

    On a French topless beach I once fried
    My poor body-so red it looked dyed
    My hooters were burning
    No sex were they yearning
    It was aloe-Wished they’d stayed inside.

  19. yt cai says:

    After eating beans that were refried
    Had a feeling that wouldn’t subside
    As the pressure grew
    To bathroom he flew
    Coming up short by only a stride

  20. yt cai says:

    A seamstress’s nerves were all fried
    From dealing with one kinky bride.
    She finished the dress
    Under utmost duress
    As the patron was fit to be tied.

  21. Mark Kane says:

    Chris Christie by now should be fried,
    No matter how much he’s denied.
    He enjoys giving threats
    And has no regrets.
    This bully who’s life is writ wide.

  22. gary hallock says:

    ~
    Though his chicken’s no longer called “fried”
    They still show his image with pride
    At that place, “KFC”
    But what’s not said is, he
    From clogged arteries long ago died

  23. Byron Ives says:

    Last weekend my girlfriend got fried
    And wanted my pony to ride.
    I said no, but she pled.
    So I caved, and she said:
    “You’re really quite nice deep inside.”

  24. A woman shunned foods that were fried
    “Just a silly wives’ tale!” chefs decried
    But, she feared her remains
    From pure fat and clogged veins
    Would define her once she expired.

  25. Byron Ives says:

    The Pats got their asses deep fried
    And Brady looked like a scared bride
    They ran out of luck,
    Found out Broncos buck
    Them’s horses that no one can ride

  26. Bruce Niedt says:

    A chemist appeared to be fried
    when he spoke of a drug he had tried:
    “My brain’s far from flaccid;
    it’s some sort of acid -
    lysergic diethylemide.”

  27. A Scotsman like his food fried,
    (Even better with batter outside).
    I imagine it risky
    To deep fry malt whiskey
    But I have do doubt that he tried.

  28. Byron Miller says:

    The bibbed patron was eating deep-fried;
    Battered chicken was piled high and wide.
    I said, “Gawd, are you big!
    You Falstaffian pig!”
    My remark was, of course, an aside.

  29. All these damned anapests! {His brain fried…}
    Don’t give up, though! He still knew he vied
    For the stellar top spot;
    Competition white hot!
    But his verse? At the very best – pied.

    Pied (adj) having sections or patches colored differently and usually brightly

  30. Blessèd food! Baked, sautéed, nuked, or fried!
    Without eats, this whole race would have died.
    Don’t forget stuff that’s dried,
    Boiled, pickled, or lye’d;
    How we love a repast, true-and-tried.

  31. Jon Gearhart says:

    Chinese pirot in pranes often fried
    But when dlunk he’d leflain. His gleat plide
    Di’nt arrow him to fry
    Cuz if things went awly
    He’d of clashed to the glound and then died

  32. Byron Ives says:

    A pepper is good when deep fried
    With cheeses and spices inside
    Serranos are super
    But tough on your pooper
    C’mon, just bite one, I lied….

  33. Jesse Levy says:

    A fellow was totally fried.
    He jumped off a building’s top side.
    But he was still tripping
    through gravity’s gripping.
    His last words were: Look, Ma. I flied!

    (Forgot to post it here. Now I feel better)

  34. Tim James says:

    In my youth I’d eat anything fried;
    It’s disgusting, the stuff that I tried.
    Cookies, Twinkies, and dough
    Mixed with cola…God no…
    Those are mem’ries I’ve tried to elide.

  35. Errol Nimbly says:

    A marine met a hooker while fried;
    And for four-poster bondage he vied.
    But alas, the poor whore
    Had lost limbs in the war–
    And she now was unfit to be tied.

  36. Byron Ives says:

    It’s legal to puff and get fried
    In my state you won’t get denied
    It shouldn’t concern one
    If you want to burn one
    Dude, how’d the rest of this go?

  37. Byron Ives says:

    The libs all want Chris Christie fried
    But Holder and Sebelius slide
    And there’ll be no pillory
    For Shrillery Hillary
    And on her watch four people died
    (this should certainly help my chances…)

  38. Sally Franz says:

    A woman loved foods that were fried
    Not just meats but sweets she tried
    Fried Skittles and ice cream
    On Mars bars she was keen
    Hell, I can diet the day after I’ve died.

  39. Byron Ives says:

    A sadist got thoroughly fried
    And woke up to find HIS hands tied
    “It’s not on the script”
    “That my butt’s getting whipped”
    “But I’m a bad boy, so hit me.” He sighed.

  40. Byron Ives says:

    A whore whose appendix was fried
    Got sent on an ambulance ride
    The surgeon, a twit
    Stitched up the wrong slit
    So now she makes bucks on the side

  41. Jon Gearhart says:

    A lady shunned food that was fried
    Unhealthy and saw food fads tried
    Hear the odd, foul, and windy fat ass?
    Odor defined, “Why Satan had flatus”
    An oaf farts? Hah- two suddenly died!

    (All lines are an anagram of line one so my meter is way off…)

  42. Sue Dulley says:

    Near Nashville (where skin can get fried)
    One morning we went for a ride;
    We hit Cracker Barrel -
    They sell gifts, apparel
    And breakfasts for which folks have died.

    “Would you like your eggs boiled, poached or fried?
    With bacon or ham on the side?
    Some hash browns or toast?
    Pick the things you want most.”
    It was hard to decide, but I tried.

    I chose ham with my eggs, which were fried
    “Over easy” – that’s fried on each side.
    My toast was whole wheat
    (It’s the best kind to eat)
    With jam for some fruit to provide.

    After that lot, my insides felt fried.
    If I ate any more, I’d have died.
    But that day, two more meals!
    Now I know how it feels
    When your breakfast and dinner collide.

  43. Byron Ives says:

    I love eating food that’s been fried
    About this bad food, I’ll confide:
    Cheese burgers, I eat ‘em
    And I have that freedom
    ‘Cause statins make lipids subside

  44. Jon Gearhart says:

    A woman shunned food that was fried
    Precisely because she has tried
    Reducing the rise
    In her increasing size
    Look left. What’s her name? You decide

  45. Jon Gearhart says:

    *EDIT*

    A woman shunned food that was fried
    Precisely because she has tried
    Reducing the rise
    In her increasing size
    Look left and her name I’ve supplied

  46. Jon Gearhart says:

    A heart patient quit foods that were fried
    A bit late for her life. Though she tried
    Repenting her best she’d
    Grabbed at her chest. Read
    Her last word at left as she died

  47. John Armstrong says:

    Fish and chips are always fried
    and served with coleslaw as a side
    I’d hoist up the old spinnaker
    for a little more malt vinegar
    and down the hatch they’d slide

  48. Mark Kane says:

    A woman liked chicken deep fried,
    But needed a guy to provide,
    So she wooed a fat friar,
    In hopes she’d acquire
    A ring when he made her his bride.

  49. Tim James says:

    News item: Time magazine names White Castle hamburgers “most influential” of all time.

    Those White Castle burgers are fried
    ‘Til the grease is all soaked through inside.
    Those “sliders” incense me
    Good taste, though, prevents me
    From saying just where ’tis they slide.

  50. Diane Groothuis says:

    A woman liked chicken deep-fried
    But it messed with her tiny inside
    She ate feathers and legs
    And surprised laid some eggs
    “Which came first?” she exclaimed as she died.

  51. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 149.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Well-Read Limerick.