Well-Read Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A gal who was very well-read…*

or

A man was, alas, in the red…*

or

A woman who always wore red…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Well-Read Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A gal who was very well-read
Felt stymied in getting ahead.
When she’d mention a book
To co-workers, their look
Always said, “Ain’t that fella still dead?”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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49 Responses to “Well-Read Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Fred Bortz says:

    My limerick turned my face red
    As lascivious thoughts filled my head.
    I’m sure you’d be fonder
    Of my double entendre
    If I dared to reveal what it said.

  2. yt cai says:

    A woman who lived to wear red
    One night took a lover to bed
    Her undies went flying
    On his face ended lying
    She admired this now crimson head

  3. John Sardo says:

    A gal who was very well-read
    For a while played a blockhead instead.
    She soon found a dumb beau
    Who knew not Thoreau.
    But had heard that Shakespeare was long dead.

  4. John Sardo says:

    A woman who always wore red
    Slinky nightgowns when going to bed.
    Looked for all of the part
    A sweet little tart
    Which made hubby go heels over head.

  5. John Sardo says:

    A man was, alas, in the red
    Spent his money on gals till he bled.
    When at last he went broke
    They said: “Sorry bloke.
    You’ll be cold and alone ‘neath the spread.

  6. Kirk Miller says:

    “Kiss each other one time,” the card read.
    “For each day that you two have been wed.
    “The original thought:
    Something else that you ought
    To do, but could leave you both dead.”

  7. Kirk Miller says:

    Local newspaper article read:
    In his home, a cartoonist found dead.
    Cops will try to find out
    How his death came about.
    All the details are sketchy, they said.

  8. Kirk Miller says:

    I.R.S. sent a notice that read:
    “You are due for an audit.” With dread
    Obi-Wan did implore,
    “Please be nice; I’m here for
    The Return of the Jedi,” he said.

  9. Kirk Miller says:

    “So your skin will not turn a deep red,
    Apply sunscreen at beach,” husband pled.
    Didn’t take his advice;
    She got burned, paid the price.
    “Just remember you basked for it,” he said.

  10. Judith H. Block says:

    A gal who was very well-read
    Was looking for someone well-bred,
    Who knew the Great Books,
    She fell for his looks,
    They talked about Sartre in bed.

  11. Judith H. Block says:

    A gal who was very well-read
    Loved politics, “Roses and Bread”.
    An end to the squalor,
    Bring freedom, she’d holler!
    She ended up in jail, instead.

  12. Judith H. Block says:

    A gal who was very well-read,
    Thought her knowledge would get her ahead,
    But the economy’s bad,
    No job to be had.
    She went back to grad school instead.

  13. scott says:

    A gal who is very well-read
    has stood the Lone Star on its head
    with her pink tennis shoes
    her equality views
    and a spirit that’s starting to spread

  14. Daisy Mae Simon says:

    Just who was the ‘Lady in Red’
    Who caused Dillinger to be dead
    Was it panacea
    For his gonorrhea
    Or revenge for cheating in bed?

  15. Daisy Mae Simon says:

    A man was, alas, in the red
    His hat store was soon to be dead
    He blamed what was above
    ‘Ill Repute’s House of Love’
    He claimed “Too much f*cking overhead!”

  16. Jim Delaney says:

    A gal who was very well-read
    Tried to tempt a young man to her bed.
    But such culture can do less
    When Emma is Clueless,
    And boys watch the movie instead.

  17. Jon Gearhart says:

    A gal who was very well-read
    Was up last night reading in bed
    The story engrossed her
    And that’s when I hosed her–
    She’s pregnant and don’t know we bred!!

  18. A fellow who claimed to have read
    “Ulysses”, while lying in bed,
    Admitted, when pressed,
    He was there for the rest,
    As the challenge had done in his head.

  19. Jon Gearhart says:

    A gal who was very well-read
    Had once read a book where it said
    “If you close up your knees
    You will not get disease.”
    [That's why Monica only gave head]

  20. Sallie McKenna says:

    Old fashioned, she always wore red,
    said it kept her from being well bred,
    with Tom Dick or Harry,
    the red kept her chary,
    her Stop won’t Go green till she’s wed!

    A man was, alas, in the red,
    could not stop collecting the “Dead”;
    when he learned most were fake,
    shrugged, shared with us his take,
    “Part, like Jerry, of my overhead!’

    A gal who was very well read
    made a cozy spot up in her bed
    she was gone for such ages
    ‘twas feared all her pages
    were turned, and she’d ended there, dead.

  21. Fred Bortz says:

    TRUE STORY

    My late Uncle Lou was a Red,
    And was falsely accused–This was said:
    His gentle demeanor
    Hid a cold-blooded schemer
    Who would kill Joe McCarthy quite dead.

    How a snitch led McCarthy to Louis Bortz

  22. Jon Gearhart says:

    A woman who always wore red
    Was walking the streets to earn bread
    Was told she should stop
    So she’s started to hop
    Down the street when she works now instead

  23. Jesse Levy says:

    A man who was very well-read
    was a terrible danger in bed.
    All his books smarts
    could not stop his farts.
    His wife used a pillow. He’s dead.

  24. Jon Gearhart says:

    A man was, alas, in the red
    From buying a stock that’s now dead
    The prospectus told traders
    That they made elevators
    “They had ups and downs”, the man said

  25. A gent was alas in the red,
    HId some assets just under his bed,
    Because of tomfollery
    His mistress found jewellery
    And ruined the rue’s street cred!

  26. Wes Vogler says:

    A gal who was very well-read,
    preferred to seem vacant instead.
    Sharpest knives in the drawer
    Pay their own way, what’s more,
    Her chump’s ego e’er had to be fed.

  27. Mrs. Smeej says:

    A gal who was very well-read
    Just nourished the brain in her head.
    She wasted away
    For, sadly to say,
    You can’t live without wine and bread.

  28. P Diane Schneider says:

    A woman was very well-read
    And loaded some books on her bed
    But when she reclined
    She was in a bind
    As there was no place for her head!

  29. Tim James says:

    A woman was very well-read
    And her topic of choice was sex ed.
    “Dr. Kinsey’s her guide,”
    Beamed her man, grinning wide.
    “She just Masters my Johnson,” he said.

  30. A man was, alas, in the red
    Having poured some paint over his head
    “So what can I do
    I intended shampoo
    And I wanted my hair clean instead.”

  31. A woman was very well-read
    And knew it all from A to Z
    But her memory flipped
    When faced with Sanskrit
    And Hieroglyphs filled her with dread

  32. Bob Dvorak says:

    A gal, seems, is very well-read:
    Fairy tales are her butter and bread.
    She sings and she hums
    But her prince never comes
    Since she won’t drop the book, once in bed.

  33. claudia says:

    A gal who was very well-read
    was tossing and turning in bed
    cause the words hummed and flipped
    rolled, danced and dipped
    in her brain round n round a-z

  34. A gal who was really well-read
    was found in the bar at Club Med.
    In her lap was a book,
    from her eyes came a look:
    “Don’t mess with my full color spread!”

  35. Tim James says:

    A baker went into the red
    When his payroll costs came to a head:
    “I pay Dad and my brother,
    Three aunts and my mother!”
    It seems his whole family’s inbread.

  36. His relationship minefield drips red—
    Brief encounters still fill him with dread,
    For each tentative pass
    Gets a kick in the ass
    And the firm admonition: “Drop dead!

  37. kaykuala says:

    A woman who always wore red
    A habit for which others dread
    Never been passive
    Rather very aggressive
    She erupts even not under threats

    Hank

  38. billgncs says:

    a gal who was very well read
    kept a light by the side of the bed
    she slept a la mode
    on the nights all so cold
    so she could flash without ever leaving the bed

  39. Linda Hofke says:

    A woman who always wore red
    managed to turn all the heads
    of the guests on the day
    her father gave her away–
    in a crimson lace gown she wed.

    or

    A woman who always wore red
    made all of the people stop dead.
    Imagine the terror
    when she, a pallbearer,
    stuck out like sore thumb (that bled).

  40. Diane Groothuis says:

    A gal who is very well read
    Does most of her reading in bed
    But her hubby objects
    When he don’t get no sex
    And he sets up his nest in the shed.

  41. Charley Simmons says:

    A gal who was very well read
    Would read every night before bed.
    She read novels and history
    Loved fiction and mystery
    And Kuma Satra the night she was wed.

  42. John Eggerton says:

    A gal who was very well-read
    Applied all that learning in bed
    Where her skill with focachia
    out-DE-bauched Boccaccio
    Which earned her a large sum of bread

  43. Byron Ives says:

    Of novels, Fred’s gal is well read,
    But says she’s quite tired of Fred
    “In bed he’s a bore”
    “But still I adore”
    “A climax, just not in Fred’s bed”

  44. Johanna Richmond says:

    My computer was sure it had read
    The prime booty for which my heart bled,
    So to prove that thing wrong
    I spent days searching “thong,”
    Then bought white cotton panties instead.

  45. Byron Ives says:

    A gal who was deep in the red
    Had a twin, with fortunes widespread
    Whenever they’d bicker
    The poor twin was quicker:
    “You’re rich, but you’re ugly!” she said

  46. John Armstrong says:

    My copy of Walden’s well read
    The tale of Thoreau’s old homestead
    He felt that he must
    Toss the rocks for the dust
    Because complexity is better off dead

  47. errol nimbly says:

    A young woman who’s very well-read,
    Likes to read with her dates while in bed.
    And she’s found bookish lovers
    Absorbed between covers
    Can make her feel rather well-bred.

  48. rafael says:

    A girl once riddled in red
    Skin flush until suddenly dead
    Then white as a ghost
    Her life was quite toast
    For WHAT? It’s never been said…

  49. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 150.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Scene.