Frayed Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman whose nerves appeared frayed…*

or

A fellow whose collar was frayed…*

or

A fellow appeared unafraid…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Frayed Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman whose nerves appeared frayed
Yelled, “Somebody come to my aid!
I left home without cash,
And this cabby is brash
And quite rude — he expects to be paid.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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66 Responses to “Frayed Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. A woman whose nerves appeared frayed
    Hissed “I’ll knock you if we’re delayed”
    Always I’m a-waiting
    For you whilst debating
    Your pairing of socks just the same shade

  2. A fellow whose collar was frayed
    Fell down on his knees as he prayed
    Don’t let my wife see me
    Outfitted differently
    When I left the house starched as she laid

  3. A fellow appeared unafraid
    Whistling, passing time til he paid
    Then waved away willing
    She had no one billing
    A pro-bono today to get laid

  4. Kirk Miller says:

    The pillowcase cloth, I’m afraid,
    Is corduroy, so I’m dismayed.
    When I lie down to sleep,
    Indentations quite deep
    Are left. That’s how headlines are made.

  5. Sancho Panza says:

    A fellow was feeling afraid
    After spending a night with the maid.
    While he enjoyed the ride,
    She would later confide,
    That both she and The Pill were mislaid.

  6. Daisy Mae Simon says:

    Some reporters in Sochi are frayed
    Their hotel sounds like such a downgrade
    Rooms have no walls or doors
    From the spigots, brown pours
    What’s like home? Just being watched and surveyed

  7. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman would frequently claim
    She liked being an unattached dame.
    Till a guy came around
    Whose smile made her heart pound,
    And set her whole being aflame.

  8. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman whose nerves appeared frayed
    Said her man left: she had been betrayed.
    He wrote in a letter
    He’d found someone better.
    She vowed to go on, unafraid.

  9. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman whose nerves appeared frayed,
    Had been hacked- indeed she was preyed
    Upon by some creep!
    She cursed, you damned “bleep”
    I’ll kill you for those you betrayed.

  10. Sallie McKenna says:

    A fellow appeared unafraid,
    truth told though, both feet deeply clayed;
    he’s one metrosexual,
    with courage contextual,
    can’t choose between mousse and pomade!

    A clergyman’s collar was frayed,
    from the chafing incurred while he prayed;
    he kept turning his head,
    toward a nubile coed,
    went to hell, biblically preyed the maid!

    A woman whose nerves appeared frayed,
    hiccoughed, was afraid she had brayed;
    she blushed in her shame,
    and attempted to blame
    her dog Spot; he gassed up, and she paid.

  11. Sallie McKenna says:

    A clergyman’s collar was frayed,
    years of chafing induced as he prayed;
    he kept craning his neck,
    stealthy hopes raised to check,
    any cleavage in front pews arrayed.

  12. Byron Ives says:

    A bachelor, named Tommy was frayed
    Hawaii had left him dismayed
    He’d visited twice
    The girls there were nice
    Yet Tommy had not gotten leid

  13. John Sardo says:

    A fellow appeared unafraid
    Of a woman whose nerves were frayed.
    At him she would screech
    I’ve a lesson to teach
    You’ll regret that you foolishly strayed.

  14. John Sardo says:

    A woman whose nerves appeared frayed
    Was dismayed by a mate unafraid.
    She said don’t you sneer
    You will soon come to fear
    The wrath of a woman betrayed.

  15. John Sardo says:

    A fellow whose collar was frayed
    Upbraided a careless housemaid.
    She said “that’s enough
    Or your collar I’ll stuff
    Down your throat till you need first aid.”

  16. She was sick, but was also afraid
    Of the bill that would have to be paid;
    So she dressed as a pet
    And went off to the vet.
    Now she’s cured — but she’s also been spayed.

  17. Fred Bortz says:

    Ah-nold’s once golden “rep” is now frayed
    Since folks learned that Maria’s betrayed.
    Though he vows, “I’ll be back,”
    He won’t take the fast track.
    Just desserts if you’re boinking the maid.

  18. Thomas Meine says:

    A fellow appeared unafraid
    to join Madeleine’s limerick parade
    he dreamed of an honorable mention
    but with a lot of apprehension
    that he doesn’t make the grade

  19. Thomas Meine says:

    sorry make that “to join”

    Note from Mad Kane: I fixed it.

  20. Said the judge, “There’s a fine, I’m afraid…”
    To the hooker they caught in a raid.
    “Well, judge,” sighed the whore,
    “Since I’ve seen you before,
    I assume that you’ll take it in trade?”

  21. “Mom and Dad?” said the boy, “I’m afraid,
    Though you’ve pleaded and threatened and prayed,
    You’ll just have to accept
    Through the tears that you’ve wept
    That your son never will be un-gayed.”

  22. Dear sir, I am greatly afraid
    That your wife’s been run down in the glade
    By a runaway sled.
    No, she isn’t quite dead –
    She’s not slain, though she’s certainly sleighed.

  23. Oh, road rage will leave your nerves frayed
    Wherever there’s traffic delayed.
    In LA or Seattle,
    I’m sure it’s a battle,
    But if you’re in Miami… you’re Dade.

  24. TO THE SERIOUS POETS

    Now, sometimes my temper gets frayed
    By the forces against me arrayed.
    Let ‘em sneer. Let ‘em curse.
    I’m still writing Light Verse!
    It’s a passion that must be obeyed!

  25. P Diane Schneider says:

    A woman whose nerves appeared frayed
    Was walked in upon by the maid
    As she sat on the throne
    She let out a groan
    And said “How does one remain staid?”

    But Maam, I am here said the maid
    To bring you the towels as you bade
    And anything more
    Or some little chore
    When you need me to come to your aid

    The woman, beginning to fade
    Perceived she had been through a raid
    The maid had invaded
    And blatantly stated
    She’d stay around ’till she got paid.

    So how would the woman get laid
    With the maid hanging round in the shade?
    She took off her ring
    And gave it a fling
    “Please get out of here dear,” she bade

  26. Sallie McKenna says:

    Will Laughlin, you’ve clearly conveyed
    to the tyros like me that you spade
    a tough row for the hoeing,
    as I follow you knowing,
    your wit does put me in the shade!!

  27. Dear Sallie: To me, it’s exciting
    That we’re all here to polish our writing.
    To be honest, though, I’m
    Making up for lost time –
    Two weeks when the fish weren’t biting.

  28. SAY IT 3 TIMES FAST

    Wade Wood found his temper was frayed
    Wasting time in a wait to get weighed.
    Wade’s watching his waist,
    So please, weighers, make haste,
    For we wouldn’t want Wade Wood waylaid.

  29. Sallie McKenna says:

    Dear Will, its most kind you okayed,
    that training’s a part of the trade;
    I’ll work hard to polish,
    the worst to abolish,
    but wit can’t be learned I’m afraid!

  30. maryjean Shaffer says:

    A Pontiff who’s collar was frayed
    Damned the wool from which it was made
    This Phil K. Dick Vatican
    Boast “Clothes Make the Man-iquin”
    So Electric Sheep only, are shaved

  31. Byron Ives says:

    The rider was worried and frayed
    His steed had a fever, low-grade
    From grazing on gorse?
    The horse was so hoarse
    His desire to nicker, de-neighed

  32. Dear Sallie: please don’t be afraid
    That Poets Are Born and Not Made –
    “Poeta non fit”
    Is a big crock of… shtuff,
    For the discipline can’t be downplayed.

    Just WRITE! And forget about stewin’
    In self-doubt, which will lead you to ruin.
    You say what you mean
    With few words in-between;
    That’s a sign that you know what you’re doin’!

  33. Sallie McKenna says:

    Will, my penchant won’t be belayed,
    by whether my output’s hurrahed;
    I’m having so much fun,
    I hoping I’m not done,
    til my ticket’s stamped fully paid!!

  34. Sallie McKenna says:

    Will, my ode to your obvious wit,
    wasn’t worry that I‘m underlit;
    I’m just praising your brain,
    for its clever terrain,
    I love what you say (and omit)!!

    This exchange too much fun, I’ve outstayed,
    MAD will clamp down on my gay charade;
    in the guise of complying,
    to MAD’s blog replying,
    I’ve been playing post-office unpaid!

  35. Diane Groothuis says:

    A woman whose nerves appeared frayed
    Got married to Marat de Sade
    And when they were spliced
    It was not very nice
    Dis ast her with a very sharp blade.

  36. Byron Ives says:

    Bob Costas, at Sochi, looked frayed
    An infected left eye, I’m afraid
    Does pink eye befit
    This pinko dip shit?
    Irony, superbly displayed

  37. John Armstrong says:

    The lines were terribly frayed
    On a balloon in a pre-lenten parade
    As the wind started
    All but one parted
    Hoisting a handler who was greatly dismayed

    As he flew up into the air
    He wailed in utter despair
    Over the wide Caribbean
    You could just see’im
    As interceptors lit him up with a flare

    Now he was greatly afraid
    At the commotion he seemed to have made
    He gave a sniffle and snort
    “I have no passport!”
    Landing safe in the Florida county of Dade

    Now with angst he was totally arrayed
    This alien in the county of Dade
    Once he found where he was in
    He contacted a cousin
    Who in a Miami conga band played

    The moral of this man’s escapade
    Who’d sailed over the vast Everglade
    When all is said and done
    Just as it is sung
    From a tragedy an opportunity can be made

  38. Classic Seafood Differently

    Off-course sailors became sore afraid
    Hearing mermaid’s laugh, splash, serenade.
    Foggy night, lost, they drifted—
    Next morn, when it lifted,
    On rocks they were soon well-filleted.

  39. Brian Allgar says:

    A woman whose nerves appeared frayed
    Was complaining she never got laid.
    A gigolo said
    “Well, I’ll take you to bed,
    But of course, I will need to be paid.”

  40. Brian Allgar says:

    A fellow whose collar was frayed
    Explained that he’d hired a maid.
    “I asked her to rub
    While I soaked in the tub,
    But she thought I meant shirts, I’m afraid.”

  41. Brian Allgar says:

    A fellow appears unafraid
    While chewing some fruit in the shade.
    But soon the poor chap’ll
    Explode – his “pineapple”
    Is really a loaded grenade.

  42. Brian Allgar says:

    A fellow whose nerves appeared frayed
    Said his girl would have gladly obeyed.
    “I told her to swallow,
    But sadly, ‘Apollo’
    Broke down, and the shot wasn’t made.”

  43. Brian Allgar says:

    Balboa was quite unafraid
    As the massacred tribe he surveyed.
    “Their wives and their daughters?
    They’ll blame it on Cortez -
    Thank Keats, and the error he made!”

  44. Tim James says:

    A fellow appeared unafraid
    To play juggling games with a blade.
    “I know tricks that can’t miss;
    Hold my beer and watch this!”
    Say, does anyone here know first aid?

  45. Kirk Miller says:

    Her friends don’t like children, are afraid
    Of the teenager’s babysitter trade.
    She successfully tries
    To prevent the kids’ cries,
    So with hush money sitter is paid.

  46. grapeling says:

    A woman whose nerves appeared frayed
    from her grim was not easily swayed
    as her son would be blamed
    when her daughter declaimed
    “I’ll pull each hair out of your braid”

  47. Byron Ives says:

    “What’s bothering you, you look frayed?”
    Asked my bride, of the love we’d just made
    “It’s my celestial curse”
    “I now thrust in reverse”
    “My penis is in retrograde”

  48. Byron Ives says:

    It’s a law no one wants, I’m afraid
    That’s why it keeps getting delayed
    “O” Care’s on it’s ass
    It’s reached critical mass
    It’s time to repeal this charade

  49. John Peter Larkin says:

    A woman, whose nerves appeared frayed
    or upon whom someone had preyed,
    was on the wrong street
    and was taking some heat
    from the girls who were plying their trade.

  50. A fellow appeared unafraid..
    singing i ain’t skared..i ain’t skared..
    staring starry ahead..looking..
    back he said oh my GOD..
    i’ve lost my head ..i’ve lost my head…

  51. Byron Ives says:

    My father, (senile, I’m afraid)
    When shaking folk’s hands, often bade:
    “I don’t know who sent ya”
    “But I’m glad dementia”
    Then wink like he knew they’d been played

  52. Steve Whitred says:

    A fellow whose collar was frayed
    Wearing hand cuffs of faded old suede
    Asked”Do you think it’s wrong
    Nothing stays new for long?
    Were these toys pre-designed to degrade?”

  53. Steve Whitred says:

    A woman whose nerves appeared frayed
    Should have left long ago but she’s stayed
    Thinking Chucky’s top notch
    She will make herself watch
    Every slasher film he’s ever made

  54. Steve Whitred says:

    A woman whose nerves appeared frayed
    From her friends heard “We’re getting you laid”
    She said “Sounds like a plan
    But please, not with a man
    Since that last guy I may have been gayed!”

  55. Brian Allgar says:

    “My nerves are increasingly frayed
    By those peasants who call me ‘de Sade’ -
    Is it really so hard
    To pronounce it ‘de Sade’? ”
    Said the Marquis, while whipping the maid.

  56. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    A woman whose nerves appeared frayed,
    Lost her cool when she found she’d been played.
    Seems the gardener she’d dated
    Could never be sated,
    So turf wasn’t all the snake laid.

  57. Wes Vogler says:

    A woman who’s nerves appeared frayed
    Had met Bluebeard when she was a maid.
    She’ll soon be much calmer,
    Here comes the embalmer.
    Come visit the place where she’s laid.

  58. Diane Groothuis says:

    A woman whose nerves were quite frayed
    Met a bounder who tried to persuade
    Her to part with her cash
    From her very large stash
    And he’d give her some sex for a trade.

  59. Plan Unraveled

    His scheme was the slightest bit frayed
    For, in truth, he had simply parlayed
    His initial small stash
    Into promise of cash—
    The result – how you say? – much clichéd.

  60. Diane Groothuis says:

    A citrus tree got very frayed
    At 42C in the shade
    “I am not in the pink
    If I can’t get a drink
    Please get me some cool lemon-aid”.

  61. Byron Ives says:

    Old Stone Face could never look frayed
    His daughter, estranged, felt waylaid
    His death, a surprise
    Caused tears in her eyes
    She took him for granite, I’m afraid

  62. Kirk Miller says:

    Fringe of hair on his head is all frayed;
    Since he’s bald on the top, he’s dismayed.
    His baldness shines ahead.
    Reportedly, he said,
    “I regret I did not make the grayed.”

  63. Byron Ives says:

    May left him again, I’m afraid
    His heart is a blown up grenade
    She was slutty, a vamp
    But he loved that tramp
    She’s gone, and he’s so dismayed

  64. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    A fellow whose nerves were quite frayed
    Said he’d lost the most beautiful maid.
    “I took aim at her bush,
    But then came in her tush!
    This is how the young gal was mislaid.”

  65. Johanna Richmond says:

    Chris Christie, whose nerves have been frayed
    Cuz his minions won’t do as they’re bade,
    Should choose ONE: “I’m no bully”
    OR “Wildstein is fully
    A flop who just can’t make the grade.”

  66. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Knock.