Limerick Knock (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A gal heard a rather loud knock…*


A fellow would frequently knock…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Knock
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A pawnbroker tended to knock
All those people who “live by the clock.”
When they buried the slime,
Folks lost track of the time,
And the sole attendee spoke ad hoc.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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58 Responses to “Limerick Knock (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Fred Bortz says:

    The first kay is silent in knock,
    Like the third letter, ell, when you talk.
    I like Yiddish much better.
    You pronounce every letter,
    Like the kay in knaidel soup stock.

    Good theme. Not very good verse. I’ll sleep on this and hope to be back with a more worthy submission.

  2. P Diane Schneider says:

    A gal heard a rather loud knock
    In her car as she entered the dock
    So she parked by the pier
    Found a handyman near
    Who knocked a rock from her sock

  3. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    A girl heard a rather loud knock
    Her fella had made it ad hoc
    While jumping ahead
    ” I’m diving” he said
    ” Oy vey zmeer I married a yok”

    A yok – feather brain
    Oy vey zmeer – oh dear – oh my god

  4. Ailsa McKillop says:

    The circle all heard a loud knock.
    Cried their leader (in black trailing frock):
    “Oh spirit, pray speak!”
    To her left was a shriek!
    That latecomer caused quite a shock.

  5. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    A gal heard a rather loud knock
    her fella jumped off a high rock
    Elated with joy
    She shouted ” Oh boy”
    ” that shmock was a pile of old crock”

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    In the hope that he’d get a free “knock”
    A fellow dressed up in a frock.
    But the knocking-shop owner
    Detected his boner
    And said “You must pay to bang, cock!”

  7. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    A girl heard a rather loud knock
    At her door stood a man in a frock
    He opened it wide
    But his tide had died
    So she gave him ‘Goat Weed’ for ‘tic-toc’.

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    “Nessie’s image has taken a knock”
    Said a tourist-guide Scotsman called Jock.
    “The monster has shrunk
    From pollution and junk,
    And the quay that they’ve put in the loch.”

  9. Brian Allgar says:

    A robber politely would knock
    To avoid giving victims a shock.
    As he loaded his bag.
    With the valuable swag,
    He assured them “I’m just taking stock.”

  10. Brian Allgar says:

    My output has taken a knock –
    I think I have caught writer’s block.
    My limericks are fine
    Till I reach the fourth line,
    But then I just don’t seem to be able to finish them properly.

  11. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A fellow each night heard a knock
    For his order—Chinese—he’d unlock
    The delivery boy
    (Bringing rice and pak choi)
    Came by bike, so he’d not had to wok

  12. kaykuala says:

    A gal heard a rather loud knock
    Had been working round the clock
    Was not really sure
    Emanating from her
    If bursting that would be a shock


  13. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A dentist would frequently knock
    All sweets and the chocolate in block
    That children will pick.
    The worst? A pink stick
    Of “death to the teeth” seaside rock.

    (Seaside rock is a (mainly) British delicacy, and is a hard stick of boiled sugar flavoured with peppermint, about 8 or 9 inches long and 1 inch in diameter. It usually has the name of the seaside resort running through its length.)

  14. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A fellow would frequently knock
    On the case of the grandfather clock
    For tapping on wood
    Means your luck will stay good!
    And—oh come now! There’s no need to mock!

  15. Kirk Miller says:

    The proprietor’s had some hard knocks.
    He’s about to go broke, lose his socks.
    In a glass he puts ice
    And some booze that tastes nice.
    Like the owner, the drink’s on the rocks.

  16. Fred Bortz says:

    At the seance when I heard the knock,
    I was sure it was charlatan schlock.
    Then the medium, small,
    Loomed quite large after all,
    When my late Granny started to talk.

  17. Judith H. Block says:

    A gal heard a rather loud knock.
    “It’s OPPORTUNITY, you rock!”
    But she was wrong:
    Her tale, llfelong.
    It was just a guy selling some shlock.

  18. John Sardo says:

    A fellow would frequently knock
    On doors on any old block
    The neighbors all knew
    He banged right on cue.
    As he binged day and night round the clock.
    The fellow who’d frequently knock
    Found a suite in the local cell block.
    He stayed there till morn
    As neighbors would scorn.
    And when sober his actions they’d mock.
    The guy heard a rather loud knock
    On the bars of his private cell block.
    It woke him in fright
    To the cops great delight.
    The latch on the block they refused to unlock.

  19. rbasler says:

    In the Bible, a guy named Enoch
    Goes with God for a leisurely walk
    And Genesis say
    God took Enoch away
    Although some people think that’s a crock

  20. Tim James says:

    Loud music had started to knock
    From a car, and was heard ’round the block.
    But as Mr. Dunn found
    When he fast stood his ground,
    Not all problems are solved with a Glock.

  21. Brian Allgar says:

    The engine was starting to knock
    As we flew in to land at Bangkok.
    But we overshot Thailand
    And made it to Ireland,
    Where Paddy Field got quite a shock.

  22. Amrit Sinha says:

    A gal heard a rather loud knock
    FB window blinked in all its shock
    ping was from the stalker
    her ex flame, the cracker
    well, now was the time to block block block

  23. Fred Bortz says:

    Apropos of a post by Mad a few days ago, which was followed by chaos and a rare banning by our fearless mistress.

    On Facebook are folks who will knock
    Every action by POTUS Barack.
    And heaven forfend
    You should rise to defend.
    Thank goodness they’re easy to block.

  24. Judith H. Block says:

    A gal heard a rather loud knock
    And looked at her bolted padlock.
    “Please don’t think me a boor,
    Love the signs on your door.
    I think, my sweet lady, you rock!!”

  25. Judith H. Block says:

    A gal heard a rather loud knock
    And then, “Open up, it’s a cop!”
    “Oops, sorry wrong door,
    Won’t bother you no more.”
    She’s still shaking from the big shock!

  26. Brian Allgar says:

    A caveman would give her a knock
    On the head with a stone or a crock,
    No romantic palaver …
    Today, we are suaver,
    And stun them with Tiffany rock.

  27. Brian Allgar says:

    I can quite understand those who knock
    Poor old ‘Star Trek’; they sneer and they mock.
    I’ll admit Captain Kirk
    Is a drunk and a jerk,
    But in fairness, let’s ’ear it for Spock.

  28. Charley Simmons says:

    A sailor gal heard a loud knock
    At the door she was in for a shock
    For a flasher was there
    He was smiling and bare
    So she tied a square knot in his cock.

  29. Jesse Levy says:

    A fellow would frequently knock
    the music we’ve come to call Rock.
    This Classical player
    in secret loved Slayer.
    His protestations a crock.

  30. Jim Delaney says:

    I’ve used your first two lines, not just the rhyme word. Hope you don’t mind, Mad

    A pawnbroker tended to knock
    All those people who “live by the clock”.
    His executors found
    All his clocks overwound,
    And their golden appearance was mock.

  31. yt cai says:

    When asked why his motor would knock
    Each time that he went ’round the block
    Said mechanic I’m not
    But when running hot
    My piston will quickly reach mach

  32. yt cai says:

    Needing cash poor Paddy did knock
    On the door of a shady shylock
    A fake diamond ring
    Got his arse in a sling
    When trying to pawn his sham rock

  33. rafael says:

    The walls were resounding, knock-knock
    Followed by wails of, “You ROCK!”
    Oi! All through the night
    Two Toms in a fight
    MAN, could that man till a crock!

  34. yt cai says:

    His knees would incessantly knock
    Each time he consumed too much bock
    Since giving up drinking
    Can’t stop endless blinking
    From hair in his eyes said Ewok

  35. John Peter Larkin says:

    A gal heard a rather loud knock
    and hurried to put on her frock.
    When she opened the door,
    she let out a roar,
    for to see Mr. Spock was a shock.

  36. yt cai says:

    A food critic started to knock
    Take out he got down the block
    He returned to complain
    About their dry lo mein
    His head is now shaped like a wok

  37. Sallie McKenna says:

    A fellow would frequently knock,
    his wife for her use of their wok;
    she said it was seasoned,
    he otherwise reasoned,
    her stir-fry stuck to it like flock!

    A gal took a rather bad knock,
    for refusing to take off her frock,
    she said, “You’re impert’nent,
    I don’t want to get dirt ‘n it,
    with a hanger, I’d do it ad hoc!”

    A gal heard a rather loud knock,
    coming out of her grandfather clock;
    the long pendulum swung,
    and fast forward she flung,
    that tock gave a sock to her walk!

  38. Mark Kane says:

    With Jon Hamm there’s this regular knock:
    Does he wear those tight pants just to shock?
    Or is the guy blind
    When his member’s confined?
    Unlike some, he’s not using a sock.

  39. A gal heard a rather loud knock
    It gave her a sudden shock
    Who could it be , at this time?
    the wind blowing against the chime.
    Stopped dead , the clock.

  40. Diane Groothuis says:

    These linguists all tended to knock
    The pronunciation van Goff or van Gock
    But what does it matter
    This meaningless patter?
    I’m watching the cloch, cloff or clock.

  41. Diane Groothuis says:

    A young woman heard a loud knock
    From some fireworks in the next block
    And she said “I can’t sleep
    I am just counting sheep
    To the very last ewe in the flock”.

  42. Sallie McKenna says:

    The Padre was ready to knock,
    on the door to start confessions’ talk,
    but he had second thoughts,
    about hearing “ought nots”,
    having trouble with bad “righter’s block”!

    A locksmith would frequently knock,
    on the door of a miss on his block;
    though he knew he could burst in,
    he thought he’d best first win,
    her hand, before keying the lock!

  43. Locomente says:

    My Limerick:
    She Followed Him.

    A gal heard a rather loud knock
    She glanced at the clock
    It was one at midnight
    She opened the door holding her jacket tight
    Then she followed him after double checking the lock!

  44. Diane Groothuis says:

    A girl heard a very loud knock
    From the Bailliff whose first name was Jock
    He said “Will you pay?”
    She said “No not today
    I’m between a hard place and a rock”

  45. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    The picklocks are taking a knock
    From the banksters who cackle and squawk:
    “They hustle by hand!
    For a grand or two! AND …
    Their directorates don’t interlock!”

  46. Kirk Miller says:

    They learned from the school of hard knocks,
    Those boxers who all are big jocks.
    To succeed in this sport,
    Fighters’ friends all exhort
    This phrase: Think outside of the box.

  47. Port prop engine had started to knock,
    And some birds swooped on past- a big flock!-
    I thought it unfair
    They were lighter than air
    As I fast approached cliffs made of chalk.

  48. Tim James says:

    A fitness buff tended to knock
    His friends’ efforts when weights they would rock.
    He once jeered: “Watch and learn!”
    And he soon felt the burn…
    ‘Cause they put pepper spray in his jock.

  49. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A girl fighter used to hard knocks
    Had muscles as solid as rocks
    When she fought in the nude
    Fans hooted, some booed
    But all cheered when they saw her box.

  50. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    Her ego received quite a knock
    After hormone treatment a shock
    She said, “I’ve grown hair”
    And her Doc said, “Just where?’
    “Ön my boobs and right down to my cock!”

  51. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    A Geriatric’s mind took a knock
    And upon checking his withering cock
    Said, “Why must it be
    When I finish a pee
    Dribbles run into my sock.”

  52. Ailsa McKillop says:

    In Scotland you “chap”—you don’t “knock”
    On a door—yet one more for my stock
    Of Scots’ words and phrases.
    Their lingo amazes
    Me further with each one I clock.

    (A “chap at the door” means a knock on the door in Scotland, but in England it means a man’s standing outside.)

  53. You open the door to the knock:
    It’s a skeleton holding a clock.
    It hits you (too late)
    As you go to your Fate
    That you ought to have gone to the Doc.

  54. Kirk’s vanity suffered a knock
    When the alien’s versatile cock
    In the midst of its grapple
    With Bones AND Nurse Chappell
    Signed “live long and prosper” to Spock.

  55. Diane Groothuis says:

    St Matthew has told us to knock
    And the door will be opened tick tock
    If we seek we shall find
    THe Lord does not mind
    Us submitting requests round the clock.

  56. Knock ‘Em Dead!

    The old joke goes this way: “Hey! Knock, knock!”
    Comes the query, “Who’s there?” like a clock.
    And the set: “I’m a boo.”
    Response: “I’m a boo WHO?”
    “You sure are!” – as they chase ‘round the block.

  57. Johanna Richmond says:

    If you’re thinking “the new word is ’knock,’
    Ten bucks Jo will crawl out from her rock
    Spouting slang words for ’penis,'”
    You’ve wounded this Venus.
    What’s more, that’s a whole lot of cock.

  58. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 153.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Paste.