Limerick Paste (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman whose life was fast-paced…*
or
A fellow who frequently paced…*
or
A fellow was working with paste…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Paste
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal using wallpaper paste
Had been sloppy — some got on her waist.
From there it slid down,
Till she feared, with a frown,
She might have to be lastingly chaste.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
On my PC I found Cut and Paste
To be really good when in haste
Now I’ve lost the damn thread
Just went arse over head
Cause my shoes weren’t properly laced.
A fellow was working with paste
Drinking shots way too fast-paced.
But he stuck to his goal
of repairing a bowl
even though he was totally shit-faced.
Small tapering roots (almond paste
With green/orange dyes duly laced)
My cake’s edge adorned
But my efforts were scorned
With a caret; my entry unplaced.
I bet on a horse and then paced,
And watched as this feeble horse raced.
As he managed third place,
I stared into space,
Seems he “Showed,” Rats, he barely missed “Placed.”
A woman whose life was fast-paced
Let nothing at all go to waste,
Until, with a quickie,
She got in the sticky,
And to waist went some youth in her haste.
Their first date had been fairly fast-paced
“Til she slapped him, and ended his haste.
She said “There”s a good
Chance you misunderstood
When I said I prefer to be chaste.”
A woman whose life was fast-paced
Was chaste though she often was chased.
One night on a bender
She’d finally surrender.
Of the good life she’d had a foretaste.
A fellow was working with paste
That he knew to be rye whiskey based.
He’d baste beef while roasting
Then tasting and toasting
Till his brain he’d completely erased.
I type all my stuff single-spaced
The right words are all upper-cased
I put marks ’round my quotes,
But my editor’s notes
Are always so expletive-laced!
A cockroach who frequently paced
My plate while he perfectly laced
My food with his goo
Till whacked with my shoe
Embarked on a rollocking baste.
A temptres who’s tempo was paced
Too tantric for all those who raced
Was thrown out the door
Of the “pink Pompadore”
But, they couldn’t deflate those she aced.
A woman whose life was fast-paced
Realized she should slow down and taste,
And smell, feel and see
The glories that be!
Or else her life would be a waste.
A woman whose life was fast-paced
Would watch the clock as she embraced
And kissed her man,
Then out the door ran.
Now she lost her guy- what a waste!
week of Feb 23 2014
OUCH TO MY TOOTH HURTY APPOINTMENT
My dentist (Szell-like) uses paste
Then enjoys spraying air in my tooth space
He nitpicks with his probe
Now I’m one dentalphobe
Germy hands in my mouth? Yuck! Bad taste!
Old photos in scrapbooks I paste:
Here’s Grandma, with wasp-worthy waist,
She must be nineteen
(In inches, I mean) –
In youth, as in old-age, strait-laced.
Their love-making perfectly paced,
The thrusting was ideally spaced.
But the condom was cheap,
And he went in too deep.
The result: it will soon go to waist.
When the address is all cut-and-paste,
Which can happen when you are in haste,
Your speechwriter sighs,
“I did not plagiarize,”
But too late. Your campaign is disgraced.
The filly “My Father Eats Paste”
Never won, never showed, never placed
Whereas horse number 2
“I Don’t Want To Be Glue”
Is a winner whenever she’s raced
Tomatoes that end up as paste
Are seasoned to fulfill my taste
When cooked up as sauce
I’m never at a loss
Since pasta goes right to this waist
A lady who often used paste
and her lover were joined at the waist
Of all the damned luck,
it seems they got stuck
she grabbed the wrong jar in her haste.
(variation on an oldie)
A lady with amours fast-paced
once she had acquired the taste
was shunned by a nun
because of her fun
said “I’d rather be chased than be chaste”
A fellow who frequently paced,
fretting daily on when he’d be placed,
in a place of distinction,
did insure its extinction,
by abetting his boss’s lambaste!
A woman whose life was fast paced,
reached for cold cream, instead got the paste;
she massaged all her crannies,
including her fanny’s,
she’s stuck down, her haste’s gone, erased.
A fellow was working with paste
inadvertent in his high haste,
stuck his hands to his feet,
bending over complete,
and if nothing else, he remains chaste.
Discovering her ring was just paste
The bride to her lawyer made haste
An annulment was made
Before she was laid
And the groom was pepper spray maced.
On our one night together, I paced
As her girdle was stripped off in haste.
She put out my fire.
I soon lost desire,
When her waist was no longer encased.
A wallpapering woman spilled paste
That trickled down south of her waist.
She explained to the guys
That while sex was unwise
She was stuck up rather than chaste.
The tassels were held on with paste
So her nipples were nicely encased.
But the erotic effect
Had a practical defect
As her breasts drooped down to her waist.
A woman whose life was fast paced
Was questioned: “So why all the haste?”
“Why indeed?”, she replied …
It is time to subside.”
Now her corset’s completely unlaced.
She drinks gin now and straight from the bottle.
I am worried about her and what’ll
Be next … but then, hey!
At the end of the day
Nothing comforts the way that a tot’ll.
a girl mixed sugar and oil in the paste
and always consumed it with haste
but she did it today
and found in dismay
that she failed in finding her waist
a man who life was fast paced
decided to cut to the chase
and trim the fat
of that which did squat
that way he could finish the race
A woman whose life was fast-paced
was, herself, quite frequently chased
by a sizeable packet of beaus
who all found it hard to stay close.
I’d say that it’s all a huge waste.
A woman whose life was fast-paced
against the dryer was braced
the repairman thus took her
said “you’re quite a good looker”
though it was away she was faced
While brushing her teeth with some paste,
She detected a curious taste.
She inspected the tube –
It was genital ‘lube’
That her boyfriend had somehow misplaced.
The comedian’s jokes, though well-paced,
Were always in terrible taste.
“She was driving one night,
Took the corner too tight,
And Monaco was sadly disGraced.”
Though the diamonds I gave her were paste,
She succumbed to my priapic haste.
When she found she’d been tricked,
Grabbed the scissors and snicked
At my jewels, so now I am chaste.
A woman whose life was fast-paced,
Made some soup that was lacking in taste.
“Forget it!” she yelped.
“Some herbs might have helped,
But I really have no thyme to waste.”
A player at Wimbledon paced;
Once again, he’d been totally aced.
Although he was gay,
He thought with dismay
Of the number of balls he had chased.
It reminds me of wallpaper paste,
This porridge thay want me to taste.
It’s slimy and snottish;
Not even the Scottish
Can swallow it un-whisky-laced.
Her cheeks need no powder or paste:
Two pairs that are very well-placed
By her mouth and her anus;
She’s rather like Janus –
When naked, she’s kinda two-faced.
A fellow who’s income is based
On fracking all over the place
Sends lawyers to neigh
And snort keep away
From his horse ranch and personal space
Easing On Down the Road
As supply of the new rag outpaced
Its demand – Look! Its value erased!
Great disaster in ranks
If still held in the banks
And the greenback’s completely debased.
A maiden had always outpaced
Randy suitors by whom she was chased.
Then the time came to “do it.”
Disappointment? She knew it,
Her high expectations laid waste.
The invasion was really fast paced,
Those resisting the entry were maced,
Putin stayed at home,
While consulting by phone,
Seems rebellion was fast laid to waste
A girl’s life was very fast paced
But her boyfriend was very straight lacedd.
He said”I love you to bits
But cover your tits
You don’t want your assets misplaced”.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 154.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Design.