Limerick Paste (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman whose life was fast-paced…*


A fellow who frequently paced…*


A fellow was working with paste…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Paste
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A gal using wallpaper paste
Had been sloppy — some got on her waist.
From there it slid down,
Till she feared, with a frown,
She might have to be lastingly chaste.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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44 Responses to “Limerick Paste (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Radnoft Pladzitcki says:

    On my PC I found Cut and Paste
    To be really good when in haste
    Now I’ve lost the damn thread
    Just went arse over head
    Cause my shoes weren’t properly laced.

  2. Jesse Levy says:

    A fellow was working with paste
    Drinking shots way too fast-paced.
    But he stuck to his goal
    of repairing a bowl
    even though he was totally shit-faced.

  3. Ailsa McKillop says:

    Small tapering roots (almond paste
    With green/orange dyes duly laced)
    My cake’s edge adorned
    But my efforts were scorned
    With a caret; my entry unplaced.

  4. Mark Kane says:

    I bet on a horse and then paced,
    And watched as this feeble horse raced.
    As he managed third place,
    I stared into space,
    Seems he “Showed,” Rats, he barely missed “Placed.”

  5. colonialist says:

    A woman whose life was fast-paced
    Let nothing at all go to waste,
    Until, with a quickie,
    She got in the sticky,
    And to waist went some youth in her haste.

  6. Craig says:

    Their first date had been fairly fast-paced
    “Til she slapped him, and ended his haste.
    She said “There”s a good
    Chance you misunderstood
    When I said I prefer to be chaste.”

  7. John Sardo says:

    A woman whose life was fast-paced
    Was chaste though she often was chased.
    One night on a bender
    She’d finally surrender.
    Of the good life she’d had a foretaste.

  8. John Sardo says:

    A fellow was working with paste
    That he knew to be rye whiskey based.
    He’d baste beef while roasting
    Then tasting and toasting
    Till his brain he’d completely erased.

  9. rbasler says:

    I type all my stuff single-spaced
    The right words are all upper-cased
    I put marks ’round my quotes,
    But my editor’s notes
    Are always so expletive-laced!

  10. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    A cockroach who frequently paced
    My plate while he perfectly laced
    My food with his goo
    Till whacked with my shoe
    Embarked on a rollocking baste.

  11. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    A temptres who’s tempo was paced
    Too tantric for all those who raced
    Was thrown out the door
    Of the “pink Pompadore”
    But, they couldn’t deflate those she aced.

  12. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman whose life was fast-paced
    Realized she should slow down and taste,
    And smell, feel and see
    The glories that be!
    Or else her life would be a waste.

  13. Judith H. Block says:

    A woman whose life was fast-paced
    Would watch the clock as she embraced
    And kissed her man,
    Then out the door ran.
    Now she lost her guy- what a waste!

  14. Daisy Mae says:

    week of Feb 23 2014

    My dentist (Szell-like) uses paste
    Then enjoys spraying air in my tooth space
    He nitpicks with his probe
    Now I’m one dentalphobe
    Germy hands in my mouth? Yuck! Bad taste!

  15. Sue Dulley says:

    Old photos in scrapbooks I paste:
    Here’s Grandma, with wasp-worthy waist,
    She must be nineteen
    (In inches, I mean) –
    In youth, as in old-age, strait-laced.

  16. Fred Bortz says:

    Their love-making perfectly paced,
    The thrusting was ideally spaced.
    But the condom was cheap,
    And he went in too deep.
    The result: it will soon go to waist.

  17. Fred Bortz says:

    When the address is all cut-and-paste,
    Which can happen when you are in haste,
    Your speechwriter sighs,
    “I did not plagiarize,”
    But too late. Your campaign is disgraced.

  18. The filly “My Father Eats Paste”
    Never won, never showed, never placed
    Whereas horse number 2
    “I Don’t Want To Be Glue”
    Is a winner whenever she’s raced

  19. yt cai says:

    Tomatoes that end up as paste
    Are seasoned to fulfill my taste
    When cooked up as sauce
    I’m never at a loss
    Since pasta goes right to this waist

  20. Rich Diakun says:

    A lady who often used paste
    and her lover were joined at the waist
    Of all the damned luck,
    it seems they got stuck
    she grabbed the wrong jar in her haste.

    (variation on an oldie)

  21. Rich Diakun says:

    A lady with amours fast-paced
    once she had acquired the taste
    was shunned by a nun
    because of her fun
    said “I’d rather be chased than be chaste”

  22. Sallie McKenna says:

    A fellow who frequently paced,
    fretting daily on when he’d be placed,
    in a place of distinction,
    did insure its extinction,
    by abetting his boss’s lambaste!

    A woman whose life was fast paced,
    reached for cold cream, instead got the paste;
    she massaged all her crannies,
    including her fanny’s,
    she’s stuck down, her haste’s gone, erased.

    A fellow was working with paste
    inadvertent in his high haste,
    stuck his hands to his feet,
    bending over complete,
    and if nothing else, he remains chaste.

  23. Charley Simmons says:

    Discovering her ring was just paste
    The bride to her lawyer made haste
    An annulment was made
    Before she was laid
    And the groom was pepper spray maced.

  24. Mark Kane says:

    On our one night together, I paced
    As her girdle was stripped off in haste.
    She put out my fire.
    I soon lost desire,
    When her waist was no longer encased.

  25. A wallpapering woman spilled paste
    That trickled down south of her waist.
    She explained to the guys
    That while sex was unwise
    She was stuck up rather than chaste.

  26. The tassels were held on with paste
    So her nipples were nicely encased.
    But the erotic effect
    Had a practical defect
    As her breasts drooped down to her waist.

  27. wes vogler says:

    A woman whose life was fast paced
    Was questioned: “So why all the haste?”
    “Why indeed?”, she replied …
    It is time to subside.”
    Now her corset’s completely unlaced.

    She drinks gin now and straight from the bottle.
    I am worried about her and what’ll
    Be next … but then, hey!
    At the end of the day
    Nothing comforts the way that a tot’ll.

  28. Bjorn says:

    a girl mixed sugar and oil in the paste
    and always consumed it with haste
    but she did it today
    and found in dismay
    that she failed in finding her waist

  29. brian miller says:

    a man who life was fast paced
    decided to cut to the chase
    and trim the fat
    of that which did squat
    that way he could finish the race

  30. John Peter Larkin says:

    A woman whose life was fast-paced
    was, herself, quite frequently chased
    by a sizeable packet of beaus
    who all found it hard to stay close.
    I’d say that it’s all a huge waste.

  31. grapeling says:

    A woman whose life was fast-paced
    against the dryer was braced
    the repairman thus took her
    said “you’re quite a good looker”
    though it was away she was faced

  32. Brian Allgar says:

    While brushing her teeth with some paste,
    She detected a curious taste.
    She inspected the tube –
    It was genital ‘lube’
    That her boyfriend had somehow misplaced.

  33. Brian Allgar says:

    The comedian’s jokes, though well-paced,
    Were always in terrible taste.
    “She was driving one night,
    Took the corner too tight,
    And Monaco was sadly disGraced.”

  34. Brian Allgar says:

    Though the diamonds I gave her were paste,
    She succumbed to my priapic haste.
    When she found she’d been tricked,
    Grabbed the scissors and snicked
    At my jewels, so now I am chaste.

  35. Brian Allgar says:

    A woman whose life was fast-paced,
    Made some soup that was lacking in taste.
    “Forget it!” she yelped.
    “Some herbs might have helped,
    But I really have no thyme to waste.”

  36. Brian Allgar says:

    A player at Wimbledon paced;
    Once again, he’d been totally aced.
    Although he was gay,
    He thought with dismay
    Of the number of balls he had chased.

  37. Brian Allgar says:

    It reminds me of wallpaper paste,
    This porridge thay want me to taste.
    It’s slimy and snottish;
    Not even the Scottish
    Can swallow it un-whisky-laced.

  38. Brian Allgar says:

    Her cheeks need no powder or paste:
    Two pairs that are very well-placed
    By her mouth and her anus;
    She’s rather like Janus –
    When naked, she’s kinda two-faced.

  39. Peter Eisenhauer says:

    A fellow who’s income is based
    On fracking all over the place
    Sends lawyers to neigh
    And snort keep away
    From his horse ranch and personal space

  40. Easing On Down the Road

    As supply of the new rag outpaced
    Its demand – Look! Its value erased!
    Great disaster in ranks
    If still held in the banks
    And the greenback’s completely debased.

  41. Tim James says:

    A maiden had always outpaced
    Randy suitors by whom she was chased.
    Then the time came to “do it.”
    Disappointment? She knew it,
    Her high expectations laid waste.

  42. P Diane Schneider says:

    The invasion was really fast paced,
    Those resisting the entry were maced,
    Putin stayed at home,
    While consulting by phone,
    Seems rebellion was fast laid to waste

  43. Diane Groothuis says:

    A girl’s life was very fast paced
    But her boyfriend was very straight lacedd.
    He said”I love you to bits
    But cover your tits
    You don’t want your assets misplaced”.

  44. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 154.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Design.