The Kansas legislature, in its great wisdom, recently passed a law allowing gun owners to carry weapons in public buildings. And surprise, surprise, insurance companies think this is dangerous.
The EMC Insurance Cos. insures 85 percent to 90 percent of all Kansas school districts and has refused to renew coverage for schools that permit teachers and custodians to carry concealed firearms on their campuses under the new law, which took effect July 1. It’s not a political decision, but a financial one based on the riskier climate it estimates would be created, the insurer said.
Kansas Gun Law Backfires (Multi-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
In municipal spots, like a school,
Concealed weapons in Kansas are cool.
But the pols that decreed this
May soon have to heed this:
They’ve entered a sky-high risk pool.
“You are too great a risk,” said the co
That insured Kansas schools. What a blow!
“We do NOT mean to screw you,
But just can’t renew you.
It’s financial — a matter of dough.”
Forrest Knox, who’s an NRA shill
And the fellow who sponsored the bill
That started this mess,
Says insurers should bless
Teachers toting their weapons at will.
“This will make us all safer,” he swears.
“What do carriers know about scares,
And dangers and risk
And hazards. Tsk-Tsk!
I know better than they!” he declares.
What’s next? It remains to be seen.
At the least, it will take far more green
To insure any school
Where an NRA tool
Hides a gun in her purse or his jean.
If you’re a Colorado spouse abuser, take heart: Republicans have vowed to protect your right to bear arms against Dem meanies, who mean to take it away.
Clueless In Colorado (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Good news for domestic abusers,
Bad news for their victim-accusers:
Colorado is where
The Republicans swear
To guard gun rights for battering bruisers.
I won’t be visiting Jay Laze’s pizza place any time soon:
A Virginia Beach pizza shop owner is showing his support for firearm rights by giving gun owners a 15 percent discount.
The discount is given to anyone who brings a gun or concealed handgun permit to All Around Pizzas and Deli.
The Right To Bear Arms … And Eat Cheap Pizza (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
This news from Virginia’s alarming,
Although some may consider it charming:
Bring your gun to Jay’s shop.
Watch your pizza price drop.
I do NOT find this fellow disarming.
After yesterday’s Weapon Wonderland Song Parody, I thought I was done with gun posts for a while. But I guess not:
The NRA Plays Games (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Violent video games are to blame,”
Claims the NRA, much to its shame.
Then it issues its own,
Meant for kids barely grown.
Yes, hypocrisy’s NRA’s name.
UPDATE: There’s some speculation that the National Rifle Association may not be behind this app. However, thus far, the NRA hasn’t disowned it.
You can hear me attempt to sing my Weapon Wonderland song parody a cappella here. But since I have a lousy voice, it might be safest to just read my parody lyrics:
Weapon Wonderland Song Parody (to be sung to Winter Wonderland)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Gun sales surge. Are you listenin’?
Ammunition keeps glistenin’.
They’re arming tonight and causing a fright.
U.S. Constitution arms the land.
People die for no reason.
Children shot! ‘Tis the season.
A terrible blight, each night after night.
Gun rights absolutists harm our land.
NRA and cronies claim our homeland
Must allow their arms in every town,
Claiming guns will help us.
We say “No man!
“The murder stats have got to go way down.”
Weapon fans have conspired.
Now our nation is mired.
With lives we have paid.
New laws must be made.
Or soon we’ll have a gun in every hand.
(Linked at DVerse Poets)
The NRA’s Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre has a grand solution to incidents like the Newtown massacre: Station armed guards at every school in the country. Sane people aren’t buying it.
Limerick Ode To Wayne LaPierre
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The NRA’s Wayne LaPierre
Is busy pretending to care
About kids who are dead
And the lives that were shred.
But his sole goal is one we can’t bear.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her non-political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
