Posts Tagged ‘War On Christmas’

Declaring War On The “War On Christmas” Whine

Friday, December 12th, 2008

I was heartened to read this column declaring war on the “war on Christmas” whine. Something tells me, however, that Bill O’Reilly won’t agree.

I don’t have time to write anything new about Bill O’Reilly’s war on the faux war on Christmas, because my mother’s been in the ICU for the last week. But a song parody I wrote three years ago remains surprisingly up to date:

Bill O’Reilly’s Faux War On Christmas — Song Parody (Sing to Get Me To The Church On Time)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Bill says we’re waging war on Christmas,
Spouting another Fox News lie.
Bill’s rarely proper.
Loves telling whoppers.
Ain’t nothing that his fans won’t buy.

Bill claims we’re screwing blessed Christmas.
We’re greeting people wrong, he cries.
Not saying merry,
Christmas is very,
Belligerent and most unwise.

O’Reilly’s nasty, and quite the bore.
Too bad that Fox won’t kick him out the door.

Store signs must twinkle “Merry Christmas.”
“Happy” and “holidays” won’t do.
Bill makes a rumpus,
With no moral compass.
He leaves truth in the lurch.
O’Reilly goes to church?
He fibs and fabricates and lies on cue.

Bill says we’re out to outlaw Christmas.
Some people call its tree a bush!
Bill’s not facetious.
Bill’s claims are specious.
His reasoning is packed with mush.

Bill says we’re out to kill off Christmas.
We’re harming symbols so sublime.
Bill’s got a vision.
Bill’s on a mission:
To battle his faux war prime time.

Is Bill a madman, or just perverse?
It’s hard to picture a talk show host who’s worse.

Shop lights must twinkle “Merry Christmas.”
“Seasons” and “greetings” just won’t do.
Bill likes inciting,
And people dividing.
He leaves truth in the lurch.
O’Reilly goes to church?
He fibs and fabricates and lies on cue.