Mad Kane’s Political Madness

I wasn’t surprised to hear that Tony Snow plans to leave his Bush spokesperson gig when his “money runs out,” and possibly as early as September.

In fact, the only thing that surprised me was that he came back to his White House job at all after his latest bout with cancer.  I can’t imagine anyone with a life-threatening illness wanting to spend what could possibly be his last years or even months being a Bush patsy on a government salary. And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Yet Another Snow Job?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Bush spokesman, ex-Foxer named Snow
Is quite ill and is planning to go.
Must be stressful to lie
Ev’ry day for that guy.
Why not do it for big network dough?

Technorati Tags: Tony Snow, White House Spokesman, Bush Spokesman, Snow Resignation, Fox Cable News

Do you think the long-awaited General David H. Petraeus’s Iraq surge report will “see” as much “tangible progress” as Petraeus claimed to see in the election-influencing op ed he wrote for the Washington Post back on September 26, 2004?

Will it be a “clear-eyed report from a top general” accurately assessing military progress?  A report that even approaches the honest document Bush promised in order to buy himself a lot more time? 

Hahahahaha!

Anyone who nurtured even the slightest fantasy that the Petraeus assessment would be the real deal, now must surely know otherwise:

Despite Bush’s repeated statements that the report will reflect evaluations by Petraeus and Ryan Crocker, the U.S. ambassador to Iraq, administration officials said it would actually be written by the White House, with inputs from officials throughout the government.

And though Petraeus and Crocker will present their recommendations on Capitol Hill, legislation passed by Congress leaves it to the president to decide how to interpret the report’s data.

So why is Petraeus sacrificing what little remains of his integrity by letting the White House author his report?  Yes, you guessed it — it’s time for another poll:

(You can catch up with my previous polls here. And check out Petraeus’ Report To Be Cribbed From … ‘Monarch Notes’.)

Technorati Tags: General David Petraeus, Petraeus Iraq Surge Report, George Bush, Tangible Progress, Petraeus Poll

Okay, so Karl Rove has resigned to spend more time with his family. Yeah … right.  This calls for a poll, don’t you think?

(My Bush impeachment poll is still open for business, and you can find my Bush’s Brain limerick here..)

Technorati Tags: Karl Rove’s Resignation, Bush’s Brain Resigns, Polls, Polling, Humor

According to Americablog, CNN’s Ed Henry has reported that Bush now has a spanking new (and personal) press briefing room podium.

I guess the podium used by Tony Snow and Dana Perino must have cooties. Or perhaps they’re hiding some sort of electronic “dictate the answers to Bush” equipment inside his personal podium. On the other hand, this just might be Dick Cheney’s undisclosed location.

Bush on his podium
Fills me with odium.
Pass the Imodium.

Technorati Tags: Bush Podium, Bush Press Conferences, Cheney Undisclosed Location, Tony Snow, Dana Perino

Alberto Gonzales is but one of the Bushie liars and Bush enablers whose Congressional hearing testimony can be summarized by this limerick: 

Every Bushie’s Testimony Summed Up In A Single Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Don’t recall, don’t remember, can’t say
What I did or I said on that day.
But I happily swear
On the life of ma mère,
I did nothing that’s wrongful.  No way!”

(You can find more of my Gonzales satire here, my legal humor here, and my limericks and other satirical verse here.)

UPDATE: Don’t forget to vote in my Bush Impeachment Poll!

Technorati Tags: Bushies, Liars, Congressional Testimony, Senate Testimony, House Testimony, Senate Hearings, House Hearings, Deposition Humor, Subpoena Satire, Bush Cheney Administration, Bush Enablers, Convenient Memory, Alberto Gonzales, Gonzo, Liars

Requisite Bush colonoscopy snark:

Dick Cheney’s in charge
While George Bush is unconscious.
How’s this day different…?

(You can find more of my news haiku here.)

Technorati Tags: President Bush, VP Cheney, Bush Colonoscopy, Bush Snark, Politics Haiku 

Remember when the Republican majority flipped out at the mere whisper of the word filibuster? Remember when GOPers led by Bill Frist, Mitch McConnell, and Trent Lott threatened the “nuclear option” if Democrats had the audacity to filibuster any of George Bush’s extremist judicial nominees?

Those were heady days back then, when Republicans would scream “Up or down vote!” and decry Democrats as “obstructionists,” and the media would obediently parrot their condemnations. Oh yes … and the Democrats caved and failed to filibuster, giving us a whole slew of rightwingnut federal judges who will haunt us for many decades to come.

Well now that the Republicans are the minority party they just love the filibuster and have conveniently forgotten that they ever condemned it.

Back when filibusters were “bad,” I wrote a filibuster song parody to the French-Canadian children’s song Alouette.  Somehow it seems like a good time for a new set of lyrics to the same tune:

The Full-a-Bluster Song
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Filibuster.
Ban the filibuster!”
Ancient bluster
from the GOP.

With a Dem majority
Republicans think differently:
“Great device!
Ain’t it nice.
Blocks Dem bills!
They’re all on ice.”

Oh…

Filibuster
Suddenly has luster.
Grand Old Party’s
Hack Hypocrisy. 

(You can find more of my political song parodies here.)

Technorati Tags: Filibuster, GOP Hypocrisy, Trent Lott, Mitch McConnell, Bill Frist, Song Parody, Republicans, Iraq War, Nuclear Option, Up Or Down Vote, Obstructionism, Judicial Nominees

Dan Froomkin isn’t surprised that “confronted with a tide of anti-war sentiment and a growing number of defecting Republican lawmakers, the White House is changing not its policy on Iraq, but its message.”  Froomkin pithily sums it all up:

Enter the new White House talking point: You want out? We want out, too!

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Message: I Share … Your Goals. (Bush to the Revolting Republicans)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Bush’s party has grown rather sick
Of the war in Iraq spawned by Dick,
Cause Election ‘08
Looms and threatens their fate,
And Rove platitudes won’t end it quick.

(You can find more of my antiwar humor here.) 

Technorati Tags: Bush War, Iraq War, Antiwar Sentiment, Revolting Republicans, Election 08, Defecting GOP Lawmakers

I can almost hear that promise Bush and Cheney surely made to Scooter Libby way back when:

Tell no tales,
And you won’t go to jail. 

Scooter came through with flying (and lying) colors and has now gotten his unjust deserts:

Bush obstructs justice,
Rewarding Scooter’s silence:
Prison-free pay-off.

(You can find more legal and lawyer humor and satire here and more news and political haiku here.)

Technorati Tags: Scooter Libby, Lewis “Scooter” Libby, Commutation, Commuted Sentence, Bush Obstructs Justice, President Bush, VP Cheney, Cover Up, Valerie Plame

As a long-time New York City resident, I’m amused by Rudy Giuliani’s candidacy.  And I find it ironic that Rudy doesn’t dare brag about the one thing that might appeal to people  put off by his pro-choice, pro-gay rights positions — Giuliani’s aggressive stance against free speech.

But understanding irony has never been Rudy’s strong suit.  For instance, he’s unlikely to appreciate the irony underlying his running as the security-candidate, after Newsday outed him as a greedy windbag who was forced to drop-out of the bipartisan Iraq Study Group because he was too busy giving lucrative speeches to attend ISG meetings:

The GOP’s In For A Rudy Awakening
By Madeleine Begun Kane

He’ll protect us–that’s Rudy’s motif.
But his claim must defy all belief:
Cause when push comes to shove,
Major wealth’s his first love.
He’s the ISG Drop-Out-In-Chief.

Technorati Tags: Rudy Giuliani, Security President, ISG, Iraq Study Group, Newsday, New York City, Pro-Choice, Pro-Gay Rights, Free Speech, Security Candidate, Greedy Windbag, Lucrative Speeches

I wonder if President Bush was as surprised as the rest of us at learning that his VEEP isn’t part of the Executive Branch.  Yup, Bush’s Lord and Master Dick Cheney has declared his office to be exempt from all sorts of pesky legal Executive Branch requirements because — presto chango — it isn’t part of the Executive Branch.  Needless to say, Henry Waxman and the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee aren’t pleased with Cheney’s out-of-the-box Constitution-plundering assertion.

Just one question: If VEEP Cheney isn’t part of the Executive Branch, does that mean he’s waived his right to claim Executive Privilege?  Just wondering.

(You can find more of my legal and lawyer humor and satire here.)

Technorati Tags: Dick Cheney, Vice President Richard Cheney, Executive Privilege, Executive Branch, Chairman Waxman, House Oversight And Government Reform Committee, Constitutional Crisis, George Bush, Satire

September,
September,
Bush promised September.
But Tony now says, no way.

=========

And now some links, for your reading pleasure:
* Carnival of Satire
* Carnival of the Insanities
* Carnival of the Decline Of Democracy
* Carnival of Principled Government 

Technorati Tags: Iraq War, September Status Report,  Tony Snow, President Bush,  Surge,  Iraq Improvement, General David Petraeus, Surge Assessment 

Thanks so much to Dick Polman, whose politics of selective piety post  inspired this song parody. You can sing it to Billy Joel’s Honesty.

GOP Piety Song Parody (Sing to Billy Joel’s Honesty)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

If you search for hypocrites, 
They aren’t hard to find.
The Republicans just give and give.
They brag about their piousness,
But to justice they are blind.
Consistency just ain’t the way they live.

Piety is such a misused word.
GOPers preach on cue.
Piety — their fakery’s absurd.
See through them and turn red to blue.

They can always find reasons
To use a “faith” disguise,
As they wear religion on their sleeve.
But I don’t want some petty man
To tell us pious lies.
All I want is someone to believe.

Piety is such a misused word.
GOPers pray on cue.
Piety — their zealotry’s absurd.
See through them and turn red to blue.

We must find a leader
Who this war will end,
Who will boost security,
The Bill of Rights defend.
Pieties don’t comfort me,
Nor GOP refrains.
Say no.
Say no.

They won’t keep our country free.
They’re too unconcerned.
They don’t care that human rights are gone.
I despise fake piety,
So to the Dems I must turn,
Cause they’re the ones that we depend on.

Piety is such a misused word.
GOPers preach on cue.
Piety — their fakery’s absurd.
See through them and turn red to blue.

Technorati Tags: Religion In Politics, Piety Humor, Pious Politicians, Religious Hypocrisy, Billy Joel, Song Parody, Honesty Lyrics, GOP Hypocrisy, Dick Polman, Republican Hypocrites, Religious Zealotry, Bill Of Rights, Human Rights

Remember the time Dick Cheney told to Senator Leahy what he could do to himself on the Senate floor? Remember the time George Bush was overheard wishing that someone could get the Hezbollah “to stop doing this [expletive deleted]?”  Well, a federal appeals panel remembers and cites these incidents as a basis for shutting down the F.C.C.’s anti-fleeting expletive crusade.

It’s deliciously ironic, don’t you think? And it’s haiku inspiring too:

Fleeting expletives
Uttered by Bush and Cheney
Stymie censorship.

Technorati Tags: FCC, Bush expletive, Cheney expletive, FCC Censorship

That great seer, soothsayer, and visionary George Bush  predicted Thursday that August may be a bloody month in Iraq:

Bloody Hell, It’ll Be Bloody! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
 
“In August the war may get bloody,”
Says George Bush. What a really quick study!
As the death toll keeps soaring,
On truth, Bush keeps warring.
Is he evil, or simply quite nutty?

Technorati Tags: Iraq War Satire, George Bush Humor, Blood August, Bush predictions, Iraq Death Toll, Bush The Visionary

Please forgive me for not being all that impressed with the Republican Gang of Eleven, who supposedly hammered  George Bush about Iraq and had  the “most unvarnished conversation they’ve ever had with the president.”  And Tim Russert’s breathless reports about this so-called  “defining pivotal moment” in the Iraq debate (and his media echo chamber) merely enable these eleven endangered Republicans to dupe their constituents into believing that they’re finally doing something about the war in Iraq. 

All eleven voted with the President on the Iraq war spending bill and the redeployment bill that came before Congress this week. So woopdidoo!  And a limerick too:

Ode To the Lame GOP Gang Of Eleven
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Eleven Republicans bray:
“We told Dubya what’s what — had our say.
We critiqued Bush’s war
And we gave him what-for.”
Then they all vote the President’s way. 

Technorati Tags: Iraq War, President Bush, Republicans Humor, Media Echo Chamber, Unvarnished Conversation, Defining Pivotal Moment, Gang Of Eleven, GOP, Tim Russert

George Dubya, our swaggering action-figure president, has dubbed himself “The Commander Guy.”  Okay, that’s absurd enough.  But here’s the part you may have missed:

I’m Dub, The Commander Guy.
Don’t care if a zillion die.
I’ll do what I please,
Cuz I own all the keys
To the White House.
And that’s no lie!

(Sorry — just one verse of this Popeye The Sailor Man spoof, cause I already did one full-length Bush/Popeye song parody early in Bush’s presidency.)

Technorati Tags: George Bush Humor, Popeye The Sailor Man, The Commander Guy, Action Figure President

President Codpiece celebrated “Mission Accomplished” day by vetoing the Iraq war spending bill.  Why turn down money he’s just dying to get his grubby hands on? Cause those mean Dems are trying to make him end the war some time during his Presidency. And that just ain’t gonna happen.

No way will George W. Bush clean up his own mess!  He’s never done it before, so why start now?  Bush has always used the here … catch approach to life, kicking the can down the road and sticking somebody else with problems he created.

Bush’s Iraq Strategy: Here … Catch!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Kick the can down the road—that’s the plan:
Stick the war mess on some other man.
Wreak much havoc abroad
And at home. Oh my Gawd!
Then say, “Catch! Fix Iraq and Iran.”

=========

And now some links, for your reading pleasure:
* Hillary’s Missed Opportunity To Obtain A ‘Stranglehold’ On The Nomination
* Latest Carnival of Satire
* Carnival of the Feminists
* Caption Contest Day at the Mattress Police
* Carnival of the Vanities
* Carnival of Family Life
* Carnival of the Storytellers
* Writerly Types Carnival
* Carnival of Satire
* Carnival of Conflict
* Carnival of the Insanities
* Carnival on Observations of Life
* Best of Me Symphony
* This Is Not My Country
* Worldwide Opinions 

UPDATE: How could I forget to mention this? I’m running another limerick contest on my other blog. The theme is mothers and there are cash prizes for the two best limericks!

Technorati Tags: The Global War On Terror Supplemental, Iraq War, George W. Bush  Satire, Iraq Humor, Iran Humor, President Codpiece, Mission Accomplished, War Spending Bill

I’m betting that Laura Bush can finally say goodbye to her relatively high approval numbers.  Why? Because on this morning’s Today Show, Laura said something to Anne Curry that’s way beyond obnoxious:

NBC: Do you know the American people are suffering?

Laura Bush: Oh, I know that very much. And believe me, no one suffers more than their president and I do when we watch this. And certainly the Commander in Chief, who has asked our military to go into harm’s way.

NBC: What do you think the American public needs to know about…

Laura Bush: Well, I hope they do know the burden of worry that’s on his shoulders, every single day for our troops.

(You can see Laura Bush in action here.) 

This calls for a song parody, don’t you think?  And so I bring you my Serenade for the First Sufferers, which you can sing to Carolina In The Morning, by Gus Kahn & Walter Donaldson:

Serenade for the First Sufferers (Song Parody — sing to Carolina In The Morning)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

No one suffers more
Than George and Laura from the war. 
They’re really mourning.

Photos of the dead
On cable news fill them with dread.
They’re really mourning.

They’d prefer ignoring
Tales of death and gore.
Where are the happy stories 
They long to hear once more?

Waking up so early
To the news of hurly burly
In the morning

Makes the Bushes surly.
How they hate to think so early
In the morning!

Pity George and Laura.
No one knows all their pain.
Death’s lousy,
But it’s George under strain.

No one suffers more
Than George and Laura from the war. 
They’re really mourning!

Technorati Tags: Laura Bush Humor, Laura Bush, NBC, Anne Curry,  Today Show,  Iraq War, War Satire, George Bush, Political Song Parody, Death Suffering, Troops, Military, Mourning, Commander In Chief, Pain