Posts Tagged ‘Republicans Humor’

Ode To The Wingnutty Pete Sessions

Tuesday, May 12th, 2009

It sounds like Texas Congressman Pete Sessions could use some … uh … sessions on somebody’s couch.

… Representative Pete Sessions of Texas, may indeed face an uphill fight with his argument that Mr. Obama is not trying to create jobs. In an interview, Mr. Sessions cited rising unemployment in asserting that the administration intended to “diminish employment and diminish stock prices” as part of a “divide and conquer” strategy to consolidate power.

Ode To The Wingnutty Pete Sessions
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Texas Republican Sessions
Likes to conjure up lib’ral transgressions:
Claims Barack to build power
Made stocks and jobs sour.
Pete needs help from the head-shrink professions.

Which Veep Talks Too Much?

Monday, May 11th, 2009

Dick Cheney refuses to crawl back into his undisclosed location … and Democrats rejoice:

Which Veep Talks Too Much?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Dick, thanks for talking non-stop
And for ruining the GOP’s op
To convince normal folks
That they aren’t all jokes.
Keep ensuring their “rebrand” will flop.

Two Dicks

Monday, May 11th, 2009

Dick Cheney and Rush Limbaugh have been having quite the love fest lately. Of course, they’ve always been in bed together:

Dick and Rush,
And Rush and Dick—
The only real Republicans.
They really click.
The soulless man for Dick is Rush,
And Rush for Dick.
Love lying together.

(My apologies to the The Turtles.)

Quaking Over Handshakes

Wednesday, May 6th, 2009

Newsflash via a Republican video ad: Obama is endangering the U.S. by consorting with foreign leaders like Venezuela’s Hugo Chavez and Saudi King Abdullah bin Abdul Aziz.

Oooooh! Handshakes! Scary!

Quaking Over Handshakes (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

We’re endangered, the GOP says,
By a handshake with Hugo Chavez.
Seems the nation Bush left
Is wholly bereft
And too weak for some pics with the Prez.

Karl’s Roving Standards

Sunday, May 3rd, 2009

Nothing brings out Republican hypocrisy like a nice, juicy U.S. Supreme Court vacancy. Take Karl Rove, for instance, on Obama’s potential nominees to replace Justice David Souter:

Karl Rove rails against the possible nomination of Judge Sonia Sotomayor because “her opinions…have been very liberal.” But when Sandra Day O’Connor retired, Rove said the opposition has a responsibility to approve judges who are qualified, even if they disagree with their views.

And that brings me to my latest double limerick:

Karl’s Roving Standards
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Rove’s memory’s certainly short.
Back when dealing with names for the Court,
He said Dems must not nix
Any Bush judgeship picks
Based on views that they failed to support.

But now that the tables are turned,
He says Dem nominees must be spurned
If Republicans think
That their politics stink.
Consistency? Karl? Unconcerned!

They Only Have Themselves To Blame

Sunday, April 26th, 2009

On Thursday, Obama sent the filibuster-happy Republicans a message: Their zero-vote obstructionism has consequences. More specifically, Obama plans to use the budget reconciliation process to enact health care reform and student loan legislation if the GOP fails to mend its obstructionist ways.

I thought I’d celebrate Obama’s filibuster-proofing plans with a double limerick:

They Only Have Themselves To Blame
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Bipartisanship had a chance.
But the GOP zero-vote stance
Was very instructive.
Their actions obstructive
Derailed any two-party dance.

They’ve clearly expressed their intent,
So as much as they scream and they vent,
We should screw the minority.
Let the majority
Govern how money is spent.

Yet Another Ode To Republican Hypocrisy

Sunday, April 19th, 2009

My latest double limerick, written in an antibiotic haze and inspired by Texas Gov. Rick Perry’s secession talk brouhaha:

Yet Another Ode To Republican Hypocrisy
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Under Bush left-dissent equaled treason.
So Republicans claimed without reason.
Now Obama is prez
(A commie Chavez)
And secession is righteous — not teasin’.

Yes Gov. Perry and co. say it’s fine —
This unconstitutional whine:
Secede cuz Barack
Is a Europy Jacques.
Then they pray to Ron Reagan. Divine!

Republican Road To Remedial Math

Sunday, March 29th, 2009

I, for one, thoroughly enjoyed the House Republicans’ number-free budget. And I’m looking forward to the expanded version they’ve promised for next week — the one that won’t have any letters in it either.

Republican Road To Remedial Math (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The purported Republican budget
Has no numbers, so how can we judge it?
There’s no dollars or sense
In this PR offense.
It appears they decided to fudge it.

Email Swiped From Dick Cheney’s In-Box

Tuesday, March 24th, 2009

Some Republicans think Dick Cheney’s making things worse for their party. Don’t believe me? Here’s an email I managed to swipe from Cheney’s in-box:

Dear Dick Cheney, return to your cave.
The GOP’s health is quite grave,
And you’re making things worse.
Write a book or some verse
Till such time as you learn to behave.

Can’t Win An Argument On The Merits? Just Use The “Distraction” Gambit.

Wednesday, March 11th, 2009

Republicans love to attack Obama’s initiatives by claiming they’re distractions from his “fix the economy” job. Apparently, if the economy continues to tank, it’s because he wasted all that time signing an executive order opening up stem cell research.

Can’t Win An Argument On The Merits? Just Use The “Distraction” Gambit.
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Obama’s distracted. His plate
Is too full,” his detractors berate.
“His attention’s dispersed.
Put economy first.”
The problem is nothing can wait.

But Republicans don’t like his plans
And they often use indirect pans.
So research and health
Don’t relate to our wealth?
Boosting science and health — they ain’t fans.

Steele-Buyers’ Remorse

Wednesday, March 4th, 2009

It seems Republican National Committee members are having second, third, and fourth thoughts about having named Michael Steele to be Chairman of the RNC. And it’s not just his humiliating apology to Rush Limbaugh, his mismanagement of the RNC, and a pair of ethics issues:

In just a month on the job, Steele has insisted that government jobs aren’t real jobs. He’s raised the specter of undermining moderate Republican incumbents. He’s given multiple interviews in which he’s shown humiliating confusion about the basics of public policy. His efforts to make the Republicans “off the hook” and “beyond cutting edge” are already the subject of widespread ridicule. The man, by all appearances, doesn’t have the foggiest idea what he’s doing.

So what’s my take on all this? I think Michael Steele is perfect for the job:

Steele-Buyers’ Remorse (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Are Republicans starting to feel
That they erred when the named Michael Steele
As the RNC head?
(Maybe Limbaugh instead?)
Funny … Dems think that Steele is ideal.

Ode To GOP Grovelers (Song Parody)

Tuesday, March 3rd, 2009

Who’s in charge of the GOP? Based on all the groveling and Limbaugh-tuckus-licking, it’s surely the guy with “talent on loan from God” … even though God foreclosed over a decade ago.

And that brings me to my latest song parody … with apologies to Walt Disney, the founder of my alma mater:

Ode To GOP Grovelers
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Who’s the leader of the clubby, selfish GOP?
Steele or Rush?
(Newt won’t hush.)
They’re all the same to me.

Mickey mouse,
Mickey mouse.
How ever do they hold their heads up high?
High, high, high.

Each presumptive leader shares a callous policy.
Commonweal’s
Naught to Steele’s
And Limbaugh’s GOP.

UPDATE: The DCCC has a good sense of humor. You’re sure to have fun with its Republican Apology Machine.

Quote of the Day

Saturday, February 28th, 2009

“The great irony of where we are today is that we had a Bush-Obama big-spending program that was bipartisan in its nature. We got big spending under Bush, now we’ve got big spending under Obama.” (Newt Gingrich as quoted by the New York Times)

Funny, but I could have sworn that Dick Cheney was Bush’s Veep.

Ode To Bobby “Kenneth the Page” Jindal

Wednesday, February 25th, 2009

I hate to pile on to the Bobby-Jindal-channeled-Kenneth-the-Page assault. Okay I lied … I just love to pile on.

Jindal’s GOP response last night was a gift to Democrats in terms of both style and content. (I’ll leave it to others like Buzzflash to analyze the substance of Bobby Jindal’s speech.)

Getting back to style, the similarity between Jack McBrayer’s “Kenneth the Page” character on NBC’s “30 Rock” and Jindal’s sing-song, sixth-grader-talking-to-third-graders response to Obama’s speech before Congress last night is downright weird.

And that’s why my latest limerick poses the question that everybody’s surely asking right now: Are “Kenneth the Page” and Bobby Jindal related?

Ode To Bobby “Kenneth the Page” Jindal
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Bobby, is Kenneth your twin?
From your voices, I’d swear you were kin.
You’re the GOP’s best?
Then the GOP’s quest
For the White House is done — you can’t win.

The Bully Pulpit Isn’t Enough, When You’re Dealing With Bullies

Monday, February 9th, 2009

I never thought Barack Obama’s post-partisan unity shtick would work. So I’m not surprised that no matter how much Obama reaches out to Republicans, they abuse the privilege.

So, is Obama finally wising up? The good news is he’s beginning to make more aggressive use of the presidential bully pulpit to promote the fiscal stimulus bill.

On the other hand, Obama seems to be in triangulation mode, apparently buying into GOP “centrists'” proposed tax and spending cuts.

Somebody please clue the President into this fundamental precept:

     Give Republicans an inch and they’ll take you — hard.

Mad Thought Of The Day

Sunday, February 8th, 2009

Are Republicans insane? Their bombastic rants and stimulus bill obstructionism could easily lead to that conclusion.

But I think there’s a more basic explanation. Republicans are simply being consistent with their long-held GOP credo:

     If at first you don’t succeed, make sure your successors don’t either.

Hey Republicans, Go Filibuster Yourselves! (Updated)

Saturday, February 7th, 2009

It looks like the Senate may end up passing a stimulus bill that’s smaller (spending-wise), larger (tax-cut-wise), and far less likely to work than the bill passed in the House.

I don’t know about you, but I’m sick and tired of Senate Democrats letting Republicans blackmail them with the mere threat of a filibuster. Here’s a thought: Instead of caving in to GOP demands, how about telling them to go filibuster themselves?

Find out if they’re bluffing. Make them work for all those concessions. Let the American public see GOP venality and obstructionism in action!

And that brings me to my latest verse:

Hey Republicans, Go Filibuster Yourselves!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Republicans, stop all your bluster—
Your obstructionist taunt: “Filibuster!”
Just go through with your threat.
Dems, please make these guys sweat,
And we’ll see what support they can muster.

I am betting they don’t have the numbers,
That they’re bluffing. (Dems let them — the bumblers.)
But majority rules
When they don’t act like fools.
Dems, we need a good bill. Don’t be fumblers!

(Updated first paragraph for clarity.)

No Quid? No Quo!

Thursday, January 29th, 2009

I was glad to see that at least some House and Senate Democrats want to take back the economic stimulus package concessions they gave Republicans in return for what turned out to be a grand total of zero votes. After all, as my latest limerick says, “No Quid? No Quo!”

No Quid? No Quo!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The stimulus bill was jam-packed
With concessions the GOP backed.
Yet the whole GOP
Nixed the bill. Seems to me
That the Dems should those changes redact.

McCain & Palin: The Not Ready For Prime Time Duo

Wednesday, October 29th, 2008

Whenever John McCain is asked about Sarah Palin’s qualifications, he falls back on the paternal-sounding (and condescending) “I couldn’t be more proud” of Palin response.  But something tells me he doesn’t use the word “proud” in private:

McCain & Palin: The Not Ready For Prime Time Duo
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There’s a ticket that can’t get along
Cuz the chemistry’s totally wrong.
John may claim to be proud
Of Gov. Palin out loud.
But his eyes say, “Give Sarah the gong!”