Open Limerick To Donald Trump

April 19th, 2016

Dear Donald, you whine and seem thrown
By the delegate rules you’d disown.
Being prez is far worse;
More complex and perverse.
So moaning won’t cut it. You’re blown!

Trump To GOP: “Nice little convention you got here. I’d hate to see anything happen to it.” (Limerick)

April 17th, 2016

Trump again has been voicing a threat:
Change the rules till I like ’em or get
A convention that “rough.”
Doesn’t sound like a bluff:
Nominee not named “Trump” nets regret.

Ted Cruz’s Open Limerick To Donald Trump

April 7th, 2016

Cruz was so thrilled by this headline, that he wrote Trump a limerick:
G.O.P. Donors, Eager to Defeat Donald Trump, Learn to Love Ted Cruz.

Dear Donald, I’m writing to say
You’ve a talent for making my day;
Cuz of you, the elite
Have embraced me — a feat
That’s far-fetched, without you in the fray.

Open Limerick To Donald Trump

April 6th, 2016

The word “loser’s” your favorite dig.
(Though for women, you’re fond of “fat pig.”)
So your spew upon losing
Wisconsin’s amusing:
A sore-loserish rant from a prig.

Trump’s “Boring As Hell” Objections (Limerick)

April 4th, 2016

Headline of the Day: “Trump: Acting more presidential would be ‘boring as hell.’”

It’s boring to act presidential,
Says Trump, a complaint consequential.
Does that mean Donald’s plan
If elected (Oh man!)
Is to dodge obligations essential?

Open Limerick to Any Bernie Fan Enraged By My Posts

March 30th, 2016

If Bernie beats Hillary, fine;
I’ll support him and nary a whine
Will I utter or write.
But right now I shall fight.
As for efforts to silence me, “Nein!”

Open Limerick To Bernie Sanders

March 29th, 2016

This limerick was inspired by Bernie Sanders surrogates (like Susan Sarandon) who essentially tell folks NOT to support Hillary if she gets the nomination:

Dear Bernie, the time has now come
To disown and renounce any chum
Who with surrogate clout
Says: If Hill beats Bern out,
Vote for somebody else. She’s a bum.

(Here’s Charles Blow’s excellent video response to Sarandon’s comments.)

VoteTrumpGetDumped (Limerick)

March 26th, 2016

There’s an anti-Trump movement that’s bold;
It urges us all to withhold
From each lover and mate
Who thinks Donald is great:
Sex, canoodling, and dates… till they fold.

With Pals Like Ben Carson… (Limerick)

March 25th, 2016

I love this Ben Carson quote from his appearance on “The View:”

He also declined to refute charges from the hosts of the show that Trump is a liar, saying only, “tell me a politician who doesn’t tell lies?”

When he’s asked: Isn’t Donald a liar?
Ain’t it true that his pants are fire?
Carson’s tepid reply
Is: What pol doesn’t lie?
What inspiring praise from Trump’s choir!

Trump’s Not-So-Veiled Threats (Limericks)

March 25th, 2016

Many hope for a brokered convention,
Yet fear it will stir up dissension
And rioting sprees
By Trump devotees…
A likelihood Trump likes to mention.

Politics Driving You To Drink? (Limerick)

March 24th, 2016

Seems I can’t avoid writing about Trump, even while I’m trying to celebrate National Cocktail Day.

I could use a stiff drink. Make it strong,
Cuz The Donald is doing us wrong.
The Trumpian brand
Has invaded our land.
And those hands! Kindly pass me the bong.

A New Gig For “Word Salad” Sarah

March 22nd, 2016

“Sarah Palin Developing Her Own Judge Judy-Style Reality Show”

Judge Palin? Please say it ain’t so.
Don’t panic. Supreme Court’s no go;
Not a judge in real life,
Simply legal case strife
On TV, a Judge-Judyish show.

Damn! I was so hoping she’d be The Donald’s running mate.

In the Soup? Flip Superdelegates (Limerick)

March 17th, 2016

Sanders’ Campaign Old Stance re Superdelegates: They’re establishment types who undo the will of the voters.

Sanders’ Campaign Post-5-State-Loss Stance: Flip Clinton’s Superdelegates.

Superdelegates ought to be banned;
They’re unfair and can wrongfully hand
The win to the chick
That the voters don’t pick.
This once was the stance of Bern’s brand.

But now that the voters made clear
That Bernie’s support gap’s severe,
He’s looking to woo
Clinton’s “Sups” to undo
Voter powers he claims to hold dear.

Who Knew Trump Could Write Limericks?

March 13th, 2016

My supporters are peaceful and sweet.
It’s those protesters causing the heat.
So my fans should feel free
To throw punches. Their fee
For a lawyer’s on me. It’s my treat!

Limerick Ode to Donald “The Martyr” Trump

March 12th, 2016

Was the speech that Trump canceled a ruse
Designed to manipulate news?
To martyrize Trump
On his campaign swing stump?
“Trump’s been blocked from expressing his views!!!”

Unlike most Trump events little vetting
Was done to ensure Trump was netting
A crowd of supporters
Plus penned-in reporters.
Seems on violence The Donald was betting.

Yet another Trump Beef (Limerick)

March 10th, 2016

No fake “Trump Steaks” at the debate! Whew!

To beef up his claim that Mitt lied
In alleging Trump’s meat bus’ness died,
Donald showed off a table
Of “Trump Steaks” whose label
Said “Bush Brothers.” Sounds cut and dried.

Yes the meats Trump displayed were all fakes–
Not his “Classic Collection” of steaks.
And trademark files show
That his trademark’s no mo’…
But Trump’s STILL selling oil of snakes.

Cruz Campaign Up To Its Old, Dirty Tricks (Limerick)

March 8th, 2016

Here we go again: “Rubio camp accuses Cruz of ‘dirty tricks’ over Hawaii ‘dropout’ email.”

Dirty tricks before votes — Oy gevalt!
Yet another election assault!
And it’s always Ted’s team
That’s behind the false meme.
Yet somehow it’s never Ted’s fault.

GOP Debates, Then And Now (2-Verse Limerick)

March 7th, 2016

Campaign debates used to be boring,
And could lead to some serious snoring;
As the pols prattled on
Going hither and … yawn…
I was known to nod off on the flooring.

But debates are quite diff’rent this year;
On the GOP side you will hear
Words that won’t let you sleep
And just might make you weep,
As the bullies hurl slurs, leer, and sneer.

GOP Debates — Too Off-Color For Jerry Springer? (Limerick)

March 5th, 2016

I love this Jerry Springer quote about the Republican presidential candidates:

Clearly they could be on our show, but now they’ve gone off the deep end, and we would start bleeping out some of what they’d say.

Tabloid talk show host Springer has peeped
At debates (GOP) and has heaped
A critique rather wise;
If he hosted those guys,
They surely would have to be bleeped.

Open Limerick To Chris Christie

March 2nd, 2016

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I almost feel sorry for Chris Christie. Why? Cuz countless headlines like this really have to hurt: “‘Go home’: Did Trump diss Christie at campaign event?”

Dear Christie, you look like a prop
In a cheap Trump publicity op.
Did he pay you in gold
For that soul that you sold?
How’s it feel to be treated like slop?