A New Gig For “Word Salad” Sarah

March 22nd, 2016

“Sarah Palin Developing Her Own Judge Judy-Style Reality Show”

Judge Palin? Please say it ain’t so.
Don’t panic. Supreme Court’s no go;
Not a judge in real life,
Simply legal case strife
On TV, a Judge-Judyish show.

Damn! I was so hoping she’d be The Donald’s running mate.

In the Soup? Flip Superdelegates (Limerick)

March 17th, 2016

Sanders’ Campaign Old Stance re Superdelegates: They’re establishment types who undo the will of the voters.

Sanders’ Campaign Post-5-State-Loss Stance: Flip Clinton’s Superdelegates.

Superdelegates ought to be banned;
They’re unfair and can wrongfully hand
The win to the chick
That the voters don’t pick.
This once was the stance of Bern’s brand.

But now that the voters made clear
That Bernie’s support gap’s severe,
He’s looking to woo
Clinton’s “Sups” to undo
Voter powers he claims to hold dear.

Who Knew Trump Could Write Limericks?

March 13th, 2016

My supporters are peaceful and sweet.
It’s those protesters causing the heat.
So my fans should feel free
To throw punches. Their fee
For a lawyer’s on me. It’s my treat!

Limerick Ode to Donald “The Martyr” Trump

March 12th, 2016

Was the speech that Trump canceled a ruse
Designed to manipulate news?
To martyrize Trump
On his campaign swing stump?
“Trump’s been blocked from expressing his views!!!”

Unlike most Trump events little vetting
Was done to ensure Trump was netting
A crowd of supporters
Plus penned-in reporters.
Seems on violence The Donald was betting.

Yet another Trump Beef (Limerick)

March 10th, 2016

No fake “Trump Steaks” at the debate! Whew!

To beef up his claim that Mitt lied
In alleging Trump’s meat bus’ness died,
Donald showed off a table
Of “Trump Steaks” whose label
Said “Bush Brothers.” Sounds cut and dried.

Yes the meats Trump displayed were all fakes–
Not his “Classic Collection” of steaks.
And trademark files show
That his trademark’s no mo’…
But Trump’s STILL selling oil of snakes.

Cruz Campaign Up To Its Old, Dirty Tricks (Limerick)

March 8th, 2016

Here we go again: “Rubio camp accuses Cruz of ‘dirty tricks’ over Hawaii ‘dropout’ email.”

Dirty tricks before votes — Oy gevalt!
Yet another election assault!
And it’s always Ted’s team
That’s behind the false meme.
Yet somehow it’s never Ted’s fault.

GOP Debates, Then And Now (2-Verse Limerick)

March 7th, 2016

Campaign debates used to be boring,
And could lead to some serious snoring;
As the pols prattled on
Going hither and … yawn…
I was known to nod off on the flooring.

But debates are quite diff’rent this year;
On the GOP side you will hear
Words that won’t let you sleep
And just might make you weep,
As the bullies hurl slurs, leer, and sneer.

GOP Debates — Too Off-Color For Jerry Springer? (Limerick)

March 5th, 2016

I love this Jerry Springer quote about the Republican presidential candidates:

Clearly they could be on our show, but now they’ve gone off the deep end, and we would start bleeping out some of what they’d say.

Tabloid talk show host Springer has peeped
At debates (GOP) and has heaped
A critique rather wise;
If he hosted those guys,
They surely would have to be bleeped.

Open Limerick To Chris Christie

March 2nd, 2016

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I almost feel sorry for Chris Christie. Why? Cuz countless headlines like this really have to hurt: “‘Go home’: Did Trump diss Christie at campaign event?”

Dear Christie, you look like a prop
In a cheap Trump publicity op.
Did he pay you in gold
For that soul that you sold?
How’s it feel to be treated like slop?

The GOP’s Thorny Path Backward (Limerick)

March 2nd, 2016

Ben Carson is apparently dropping out of the Republican presidential contest. But Marco Rubio and John Kasich are desperately hanging on. And the GOP needs a two (evil) man race between Trump and Ted in order to have any shot at a non-Trump nominee.

I feel the Republicans’ pain.
They keep failing to halt Donald’s gain.
So unless they persuade
All but Ted to downgrade
Their ambitions, their clout’s down the drain.

Clarence Thomas Speaks (Limerick)

March 1st, 2016

CNN 2/29/16 Headline: “Justice Clarence Thomas breaks 10-year streak, asks question in court.” (The issue before the court was whether a domestic assault conviction based on reckless conduct qualifies as a misdemeanor crime of domestic violence that would block firearm possession.)

Clarence Thomas can talk, after all;
Once famed for a decade-long haul
Of no-questions-in-court,
Now that Nino is mort,
He is having a gun-query ball.

Christie’s Trump Endorsement: A Limerick Explanation

February 26th, 2016

Cads who covet the top Justice job,
Will endorse any vile, nasty slob,
Whose Oval campaign’s
Making gains, which explains
Why Trump’s been endorsed by “The Blob.”

Open Limerick To Mitch McConnell

February 24th, 2016

Dear Mitch, you must stop the obstruction
And your anti-Obama production.
A new Justice is needed.
It’s time that you heeded
Your duties. You MUST all this muck shun.

Open Limerick To The GOP

February 21st, 2016

You’re the “Party of Trump,” GOP.
You created this monster, with glee.
All that bile you can’t sate
Is your fault — the mad state
Of your base — spoon-fed hate at your knee.

Trump Boos The RNC (Limerick)

February 15th, 2016

Methinks Trump is worried that his recent boo-riddled debate performance bodes badly for his chances in Saturday’s South Carolina primary.

Why? Because he’s now claiming that the RNC broke its pledge to stay neutral in the race, and that this voids his promise not to run as a third-party candidate:

‘The (Republican National Committee) is in default,’ Trump said during a news conference at the Hanahan Town Hall on Monday. ‘When somebody is in default, that means the other side can [do] what they have to do.’

The RNC’s broken its pledge,
Complained Trump, who is clearly on edge
About Saturday’s vote.
Though he’s hoping to gloat,
He’s preemptively starting to hedge:

My no-independent-run vow
Is null and is void as of now
Cuz the RNC failed
To stay neutral, he railed.
To the party, I just might say “Ciao!”

Pot, Meet Kettle (Limerick)

February 14th, 2016

Says Rubio: “Cruz is a liar.”
I concur: Cruz’s pants are on fire.
But Ted’s hardly alone;
GOPers are prone
To eschew any truth in their choir.

The State of the Republican Race (Limerick)

February 11th, 2016

We’ve three Js in the race: Jeb, Jim, John.
(Bush and Gilmore and Kasich ain’t gone.)
Sleepy Ben, Grumpy Trump,
Cruz, and Marco still stump,
As the GOP con game drones on.

Limerick Ode To Chris “Suicide Bomber” Christie

February 10th, 2016

Although Marco’s been weakened by Chris,
Chris Christie’s not feeling the bliss.
For while mauling that pup
Christie blew himself up;
His reward in New Hampshire? Big diss!

A Not-So-Fond Farewell to Carly Fiorina (Limerick)

February 10th, 2016

Carly’s gone from the race. I won’t miss her.
Though of course if it’s apt, I’ll still diss her.
And I hope she’ll embrace
Someone else in this race…
Cuz I’d love to see Donald Trump kiss her.

7 Candidates In 5 Lines (Limerick)

February 9th, 2016

Marco Rubio’s rather robotic.
Carly lies, and Jeb Bush seems neurotic.
Then there’s Carson, a snooze,
Bully Christie, vile Cruz,
And the narcissist: Trump “the Despotic.”