MAD KANE’S HUMOR BLOG

I’ve never been fond of fresh spinach,
Or the cooked kind.  That word makes my throat twitch.
How odd and ironic
That Popeye’s green tonic
Can kill. Even health nuts can’t win. Rich!

Technorati Tags: Food Humor, Health Humor, Spinach Humor, Health Warnings, E. coli Outbreak

“You’re gonna swing dance in this weather? Are you insane?”

I’ve been asked that a lot lately, which isn’t surprising when you consider this summer’s humidity and heat wave. New York City’s weather has been so unbearable, that felons have switched from car theft to stealing AC’s. … (Jump, Jive, and Sweat is continued here.)

Technorati Tags: Swing Dance Humor, Dancing Humor, Exercise Humor, Hobby Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Marriage Humor, Music Humor, Recreation Humor, Physical Fitness Humor

Are you stressed out? A quivering blob of nerves? Are your muscles lodged in a permanent clench? Here’s what not to do:

1. Lie down on the floor with your knees bent and pointed upward. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and exhale slowly. Take another deep breath. Wonder if that smell is gas.

2. Concentrate on your breathing, on releasing that stale, toxic, virulent energy trapped inside you. Feel your body begin to relax. Sense the tension seeping out of your shoulders and toes, your life force beginning to renew. Jump up to check the stove.

3. Resume the position. Resume breathing. Become obsessed by cobwebs on the ceiling.

4. Decide to play a relaxation CD. Your choices are “healing harps,” ocean waves, and whales. Wonder which best suits your persona. Whales remind you of sharks. Decide to go with the harps.

5. Lie down a third time, notice ceiling, slam eyelids shut. Breathe deeply, welcoming the return of your vital juices. I.n.h.a.l.e…t.w.o…t.h.r.e.e…f.o.u.r…E.x.h.a.l.e…t.w.o…t.h.r.e.e…f.o.u.r. Savor the rise and fall of your abdomen. Focus on the harps which remind you of angels which remind you of heaven which reminds you of hell which reminds you that maybe you should listen to something else. … De-Stress Or Distress is continued here.)

Technorati Tags: New Age, Health Humor, Mental Health, Stress Humor, Relaxation Humor, Tension Humor,  How-To Humor, New Age Humor, Meditation Humor, Holistic Humor, Self-Help Humor, Aromatherapy Humor